My Husband and I Are Having Issues in the Bedroom: How Can We Fix Them?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"I’m 24 years old, and my husband is 28. We don’t have kids yet. About one year ago, my husband took meds for depression for about six months. During that time, his sex drive was almost non-existent, which was to be expected.

However, it has been about 4-5 months since he stopped taking meds, and even though he has a sex drive now, he doesn’t last long during sex (not even a minute sometimes). It’s frustrating for both me and him.

So what can we do about that and if we should see a doctor, what type of doctor should we see?"

RELATED QUESTION: My husband and I are having issues in the bedroom: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“Not sure if there’s a lot of men in here. But, exercise and diet are huge, especially in recovering from depression or emotional trauma. Eating properly portioned meals, and exercising at least three times a week for about 30 minutes. Also, his body is still rebounding from the pills. Just let him know you love him and you’re there.”

“He really needs to see a doctor. But until then, invest in some toys. You guys can use them together. The right vibrator will work WONDERS. Once you orgasm then let him jump on in and get his. Good luck.”

“My ex was a minute man, but quick on the rebound, I would do things for him then he would do things for me then once ready we would go at it, it helped. Just keep going at it be patient and understanding when a sex drive diminishes due to meds it takes a while to come back. Lots of foreplay helps also if you are unsatisfied learn to use toys, as a couple.”

“One thing is sure. The more you do it the longer he’ll last. It’s called building stamina.”

“Talk to his primary care physician. They should be able to help and if not they should refer him to someone who can. But if he’s done in a minute then he’s taking care of. Get a little creative: try toys, oral, and/or some hand actions to get you to the finish line.”

“Be patient. When I was at my lowest with depression, my sex drive was non-existent for at least a year or so… Have him talk to his doctor about what he could do, and/or start seeing a therapist. Things will get better, I can promise you that. It may not be immediate, but he’ll get there”

“Foreplay. Practice edging? Make it about intimacy rather than climax. See a sex therapist. Get yours before he goes in to get his.”

“Maybe have him wear a condom? Cut back on how much he’s feeling.”

“My husband started edging to help him last longer. He now goes about 20-30 mins.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

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My husband started edging to help him last longer. He now goes about 20-30 mins.

5 Likes
3

Get him some extense or something

4

He should talk to his primary doctor and proceed from there

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5

There’s this company called Roman that makes little strips that you wipe on his penis before sex and it is guaranteed to make him last longer. If you wanna try that out

6

Have sex more, have him masturbate and work to extend his time…

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7

My ex was a minute man, but quick on the rebound, I would get him off orally then he would do things for me then once ready we would go at it, it helped. Just keep going at it be patient and understanding when a sexdrive diminishes due to meds it takes a while to come back. Lots of foreplay helps also if you are unsatisfied learn to use toys, as a couple.

2 Likes
8

He needs to see a doc

9

Maybe have him wear a condom? Cut back on how much hes feeling

10

Talk to his primary care physician. They should be able to help and if not they should refer him to someone who can. But if he’s done in a minute then he’s taking care of. Get a little creative try toys, oral, and/or some hand actions to get you to the finish line.

11

Be patient. When I was at my lowest with depression, my sex drive was non existent for at least a year or so… Have him talk to his doctor about what he could do, and/or start seeing a therapist. Things will get better, I can promise you that. It may not be immediate, but he’ll get there

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12

One thing is sure. The more you do it the longer he’ll last. Its called building stamina!:wink:

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13

He really needs to see a doctor. But until then, invest in some toys. You guys can use them together. The right vibrator will work WONDERS. Once you orgasm then let him jump on in and get his. Good luck.

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14

More four play and sum toys!

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15

The more you have sex the more you build up… Also when he gets close tell him to stop and then y’all figure out someone how anyways your comfy with keeping it going and then when his build backs off go at more. It’s what my husband and I do, we get it going and then when he gets close we stop get some foreplay in and then go back to it… helps alst longer and the results are amazing :rofl::rofl::rofl::grin::roll_eyes:

16

There are Erection supplemental vitamins that are non habit forming that work well :slightly_smiling_face:

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Not sure if there’s a lot of men in here. But, exercise and diet are huge, especially in recovering from depression or emotional trauma. Eating properly portioned meals, and exercising at least three times a week for about 30 minutes. Also, his body is still rebounding from the pills. Just let him know you love him and you’re there.

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Second round? Third? Etc

19

Maybe have him get himself off or u help him out like an hour or half hour before y’all do it - then he’s released but hopefully can get up again and it will take longer for him to climax the second time

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20

Time to focus on foreplay. Penetrative sex isn’t the only way to achieve pleasure :woman_shrugging:t2:

If you’re worried about something medically then talk to his primary care physician.

21

Honestly girl i sell pure romance and couples who suffer from same to similar problems as you use “up all night” and it works wonders for them!

22

Foreplay. Practice edging? Make it about intimacy rather than climax. See a sex therapist. Get yours before he goes in to get his. Mutual masterbation.

23

Get over the counter pills

24

Could be an imbalance and it doesn’t hurt to talk to the dr about it. But it may also be because of lack of stamina because of the low libido. Foreplay can definitely help and some toys are good to help him last longer. Also give a few min and then try to start things back up. Just make sure not to make him feel bad about it. Lots of couples go through spells like this weather it’s meds or stress or something else. Been there with my marriage. Just takes some times, understanding and sometimes some creativity.

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25

Whilst I have no medical advice for this and not sure how you both are afterwards just make sure you comfort him by telling him its ok and you will both get through it. While frustrating for you I can only imagine what he feels by no long pleasure himself but not making you happy would be just as frustrating for him and could be depressed and embarrassed about it. Reassurance 100% you are prob doing that anyways. I wish you all the best xx

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Wonder do all the ppl getting their flaps in a twist only see it as something that shouldn’t be on social media is because it hit a nerve possibly? Not a hope would I as friends/ family one because it would be embarrassing for a partner to find out and awkward as hell. Don’t really have any advice other than what has been given but hope you can both figure it out together :grin:

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27

Foreplay makes things last longer in my relationship…also don’t rush, take things slow. If you go full on at the start of course it won’t last long

My partner and I only have sex once a month due to his lack of a sex drive… Due to stress and depression :sob: he gets a little over excited sometimes as well.

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Definitely check the testosterone and also for good measure a full body work up for guys. there might be an underlying issue that doesn’t present any other symptoms that might be there I’m not saying there is but it wouldn’t hurt to just be sure. Best of luck to you love

4 Likes
29

He should maybe see a urologist and in the meantime he needs to find other ways to make sure you are Satisfied until he figures out what his issues are

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30

Maybe he should see an endocrinologist, he might possibly have an hormonal imbalance like underactive thyroid.
Good luck on your journey.

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31

Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! Stay positive and supportive and talk through ideas you’re both comfortable with.

As for the people crying about it being personal - maybe that’s why it’s an anonymous question…?

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32

Start with talking to your Dr, then go to an adult toy store together, find some toys for you and him :kissing_heart: sometimes things happens in life but it still doesn’t mean that there isn’t other ways for you to pleasure one another.
I do hope you all find out the cause of the issue and many blessings on your journey.

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what’s the closest nearby major city? you can find some good doctors at concerts, clubs, raves, and bars and they’ll tell you exactly what you need…

34

Some ppl be telling their personal/confidential business to everyone. :joy:

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I’m glad you care enough about your relationship to ask advice. Most women would find other means. Maybe that’s why they’re bashing you. Talk to a doctor. If he was fine before his meds and isn’t now it could be lingering side effects of his meds. I hope things work out for you guys!

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Lots of foreplay… he gotta cum fast until he builds his momentum up again lol

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37

I’m gonna be crass…suck him off first and he needs to rub one out every day

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Get off of Facebook with such private details! I am utterly sadden for your hubby that you have no shame on hurting his manhood on such a public forum.

4 Likes
39

Check for vitamin deficiencies! Vit d deficiencies can mess with his testosterone levels

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This should not be on social media. You’re exposing a private part of your life that no one should be part of. Ask friends, your doctor.

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41

If you have instagram @badgirlsbible and @bad_girls_bible offers some different positions you could maybe try out? (It’s a whole ass playbook tbh)

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42

No advice for him but get yourself some bullets until you find the one for you… changes your life!!!

43

Could be a hormone imbalance

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44

Wait 20 minutes and try again

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45

Does he masturbate at all? This may help build up endurance

46

Use toys before anything

47

Sadly people don’t always understand how hard it is to figure these things out. More often then not in men this is what happens. It can take up to a year. For normal to return. The other things is along with antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. When stopping them there can be an increase in BP or hypertension these can cause the same thing. I would have his BP checked ant a T check and then just be patient. Makes sure he knows how much you love him.

4 Likes
48

Couple drinks may do it

49

Have his blood pressure and cholesterol levels checked as well as his testosterone levels.

50

There are creams to reduce sensation or i have know guys to use a condom to cut down sensation temporarily. But a dr call even GP can’t hurt.

51

Is he consuming soy based protein products…it can effect some men quite a bit

52

Try tablet supplements with ginko biloba. I heard it can boost sexual drive. No script needed.

53

Tell him to bash 1 out 30 mins before you will see a difference lol

54

My girlfriend was on smthing she literally couldn’t have an orgasm so she switched meds

55

His stamina will probably come back, I would just be patient. I went about 6 months without cause his sex drive was non existent cause of stress, and when we finally started having sex again his stamina was really low, but we worked with it so we both were satisfied til his stamina went back up.

56

Can still be going through withdrawals… some depression meds cause low libido … I guess use y’all hands and mouth lol

57

Daaaam…think I need some advice too cause I dont last 1 minute. Either :rofl::rofl::rofl:

2 Likes
58

Yes see a doctor, but in the meantime… Two words: Blue Chew. It’s basically a company, they have doctors that write scripts for pills with the active ingredients of Viagra or Cialis. My husband has had to take them and they really, really work for him. He could give them a try. I think they even have free trials.

59

Be playful, foreplay is a great way to make sure you get a few in before he does :hugs:, send sexy pictures to him whilst he at work (if possible), sexting is great too, tell each other what you would like to do, hubs and I have never really had a shitty sex life (except for when I had a low libido and found out I was perimenopausal) almost 14yrs later and we still do all those things :blush:

60

Hes Dipping in the well somewhere else

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61

Go to the drs and get checked then buy sex toys in the meantime lol

62

Get him to give Kamagra Jelly a try, you can buy it online

63

I mean if his sex drive was down for a while it makes sense that his stamina has taken a bit of a dip. If he’s able to preform after his first ejaculation, perhaps a quick manual release and then sex for round two would lead to longer lasting pleasure for you both💕 most importantly, remember it’s neither partners fault. Supporting each other and being understanding , while difficult in times of decreased intimacy, are always the most useful tools we have!

64

Shoot I have no drive and could care less :rofl:

65

Sad how many judgemental comments are on here. Newsflash!!! y’all don’t need to agree with the post but take your snarky comments somewhere else! So tired of seeing grown women tearing each other down for differences in opinion. DO BETTER.

26 Likes
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To much foreplay before sex can lead to him elajulating quickly seeing as his body is still working the meds out give it another two months things should come right after that and if he e jaculates quickly it means you doing something right lovey so don’t stress maybe you guys should try smoking a joint together before intercourse as it helps slow things down a bit for both of you and the experience is amazing and more intamite and please don’t mind the negetive commentary from illiterate people here i guess they just insensitive or just plain stupid wish you all the best in the near future with this problem which hopefully soon will blow over :wink:

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67

Well for fu*ks sake :roll_eyes: isn’t it common sense to talk to his doctor he has been deal with about this problem now …he could refer you if he can’t help . I can’t believe anyone has to give you advice about this …:laughing: :rofl: :joy: and would you man enjoy you telling the world he is a minute man now …smh

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68

I have had this issue. Took meds killed my sex drive. Couldn’t get it up. Decided to check my Testosterone levels and they were low. Got off the meds and got on the shot for about 6 months. Got my T back to acceptable levels but still had major issues.

I decided i wanted to make a health change and decided to eat healthier and workout/run more. I dropped fat weight and added lean muscle and now i am able to have sex essentially whenever! I am able to live happier for the most part without meds. I have my down periods but i come out of it faster than in the past.

Also, with sex being a mental thing, it will take time to gain back that confidence. The lack of confidence can really mess with you and prevent erection.

Sucks getting older but it happens to a great many of us!

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Hi poster. Firstly, don’t pay attention to any of the negative comments. Mental illness is a real thing and people deal with it differently. Your post on here is nothing to be shameful about. Good on you for seeking help. Antidepressants are notorious for causing erectile dysfunction in males. Although your husband has taken them last months ago? The antidepressants will take a while to leave his system depending on which class, brand, dosage etc.

I would recommend that you first talk to him about it? A good dialogue about your needs, his needs and how they can be met under the circumstances. Toys and non-sexual intimacy can be a good substitute while you guys get through this. It would also be a good idea for him to engage in regular aerobic/cardiovascular exercise and eat healthily to return his hormonal level to “normal”. If you need help? Don’t be ashamed to visit your dr for further advice. Good luck :green_heart::rose:

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My husband of 25 years recently told me that his sex drive was not the same at it has been in the past, BUT, if I make the “moves” it changes everything for him. Don’t wait die him to make any moves. He may need you to do it right now. Good luck!

71

Firstly, I’m just sorry about all the judgy a.holes on here, so damn rude of them!! And I think an admin should be watching more closely and a: remove their judgy comment and b: send them a msg explaining why their comment was removed, say their name has been put on the rude list and any more such comments the person will be removed from the group. I don’t know, I’m not an admin, I know they’re busy too, but they could maybe keep a little bit of a better eye on some posts.
We don’t need or want these rude commenters! We have a hard enough time as it is without coming here for help only to get judged and spoken to horribly.

Other than seeing the appropriate dr, (I’m not sure which one sorry) my only other suggestion is you could maybe try Pure Romance. They have a beautiful selection of bedroom accessories for both men and woman.
You will get NO judging from them, they are all beautiful supportive respectful lovely woman! It can all be done very privately as well.
(I just happen to personally know one of their consultants; went to high school with her, so I trust her and what she says. I am single so havn’t tried these things out, but they do have fantastic reviews for them. I’m just buying their moisturizers and stuff.) They have all sorts of other stuff too of course, not just bedroom accesories.
Good luck to you both, hope you get it all worked out :heart:
(Msg me if you’d like my consultants info, or feel free to just have a look on their website and choose your own consultant.)

4 Likes
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I have been on depression pills for a while. I stopped for a long time currently not on them. I’m litterally never horny unless I’m on drugs or alcohol. Those pills really do fuck it up.

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Hi here in South Africa we have Mens clinic international they specialize in Mens sexual health I hope they have something similar close to where you live and that you guys get the help you need​:heart::heart::heart:

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Message me…I have something that could help.

75

Probably good idea to wait on kids then…if you think the sex is non existent now :rofl: bad joke??lol

76

Eat some oysters and take him down for sushi make sure she’s nice and clean all the way around the world and do for him what you would like him to do for you but make sure you warn him before you start all this new crazy exploration because he might trip on it and think you’ve been playing with somebody else

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77

Watch some porn set the mood

78

Suck him off 3 times then get on :woman_shrugging:

79

You have a gay bf.
If a man can’t keep his… Nevermind.

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Health Chakra Women Health Education Service

81

For one thing, I sures hell would not be asking some strangers on Facebook!:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::crazy_face::frowning:

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82

You probably don’t even know what his deepest Pleasures are I’m pretty sure you’re afraid to talk to him

83

You need to rub the first one out for him and then the second one should take longer put a little booty grind and work it out you got to keep changing it up get kinky with it men get tired of the same old lame old maybe try different places literally go out in the woods somewhere private roleplay Bonnie and Clyde if you know what to do with the Tommy Gun Bang Bang don’t be so damn predictable

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84

Def. call a doctor and a therapist, not fb

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Enjoy life, eat healthier

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Have him talk to the psychiatrist that prescribed him the meds. Or go see a primary care doctor. If he ends up needing to see a specialist they will refer him.

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87

My best suggestion is maybe engage in foreplay until he goes then a little try having sex. That could make him last longer.

88

My hubby had the issue with lasting we started with playing and achieved the mission for me and then had sex for him so both were satisfied until he built up stamina

89

Try to get some kind of scan where they can see if u have some pills left behind. It happens to one off my uncles. They told him to stop with any kind off pills since he wasn’t dissolving them properly. But hope all is well.

90

Girl go look for some pills at a sex store you won’t regret it…

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91

Have him build his stamina back up. Best way to do that is him masturbate and just keep holding it back. It takes practice but he’ll get it. I’m in the same boat, not quite as bad but not nearly long enough. I suggested the stamina thing to my man and he refuses. Our situation is a little different though.

92

Talk to your Doctor…

93

Go to adam and eve, get a toy 4 play before sex get her closer before intercorse the play is such a great bonding Experience and will get you both to climax together at the same time with practice. ( Ignite the fire)

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94

I think it’s normal …hr had lads of time with no sexy drive .now itit’s coming back …see GP.get advice …But try being intimate. Xx good luck x

95

Try Herbalist and natural remedies for both the depression, and erectile issues.

96

Get something to detox the medication from the system or go to mens clinic

97

I am 62 almost 63 years old I’m on multiple antidepressants and bipolar medication and my sex drive is off the wall and my wife is dying and does not want anything to do with sex

98

While you’re speaking with the doctors and they figure out appropriate medication changes… talk to each other. Find out what works for both of you, sexually. When he’s done, if he’s satisfied, take some time to play together for your sake. Introduce toys, etc. Just because he’s finished, doesn’t mean you can’t find new things for the both of you to explore.

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99

The pills at a local gas station usually helps a lot. You can also have him try drinking damiana tea which is found only in Mexican store. This tea is from an herb from my tribe that helps with libido and even menstrual cramps. Or have him try supplement of Valerian root.

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100

There’s numbing spray/cream that may help

1 Like