My husband and I are not intimate: Advice?

My husband says the reason we don’t have sex is that his libido is low. He says he never feels like it. He masturbates all the time, though, and I notice every time he comes to bed. It makes me feel unwanted. My self-esteem has really plummeted. How do I deal with this? I’ve talked to him about it, and he says he does it because it helps relieve stress. Anything will help

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His libido isn’t low if he’s masturbating all the time. Is he watching porn?
Sounds like he has an addiction to masturbating.
If he’s watching porn then he’s got a porn addiction.
Sorry my ex was the same way.
Seems like he needs help.

Slap his hand away and ride that Johnson.

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No advice, just letting you know you aren’t alone. I deal with the same thing.

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Hes cheating or thinking about it. Most likely has become addicqtd to porn. He doesn’t wanna do anything with you because he has gotten used to unrealistic porn and your just too real for him… went through it with ex husband. Don’t blame yourself. Whatever you do. The problem is with him.

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I’ve always had the higher sex drive in a relationship . It sucks when you want it and they don’t.

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Honestly depending on his age…his testosterone could be low…just because he’s still masturbating doesnt mean he doesnt love you anymore…talk to him when y’all are both calm. Ask him to please see a doctor and let him know how unwanted you feel. Maybe go to a counselor as well. If he is rude and doesn’t reciprocate after the talk,you may have to seek further actions… wish you luck

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Cheat on him with his best friend and/or brother.

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I wonder if they just want to get off without having to go thru the motions of pleasing a partner

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Sex is exhausting even if it’s fun, masturbating is easy and quick. Maybe he doesn’t feel desirable either, make the first move and do all the work possibly rather than assume you’re the problem :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

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On to the next boo boo :+1:t5::100::arrow_right:

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Pleasure yourself… Let it be known.
Make him feel the same way.

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Girl… You need to move on

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The straight answer… if he can get it up he’s either cheating or no longer attracted to you. Sucks but most likely the issue.

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Maybe he’s having erectile issues. He might be masturbating to experience the orgasm, but doesn’t want to have sex for fear that he won’t please you. I highly suggest an open dialogue with your partner. Best of luck!

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He’s cheating. Dump him.

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Men are selfish …even if they have erectile dysfunction then can please their wives and make them feel loved and desired…

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They are either no longer sexually attracted to you or theyre getting it elsewhere. Im in the same boat unfortunately😔 if you aint getting it from your partner you can at least please yourself or move on to someone who will

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Ask him about giving you oral or experiment with toys maybe spice it up 🤷

I’m surprised how many people jsut day to leave. That should be a very last resort.

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Someone I know has the same issue had low T and now expecting kid lol.

Grab him and ride him! He is bored! Get some confidence and rock his world! Trust me if you don’t he’ll be on pof looking for a side chick who will! You got this! :facepunch:t3:

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Offer to help him and some kissing might change things around. Or ask him if wants to watch you he might want to help. Could lead to more activity.

There’s definitely a deeper problem here as to why he’s doing this. Might be a good idea to go to counseling if you can’t solve anything by talking to him. It definitely doesn’t sound healthy or normal, so please try to get to the root of the problem as to why he’s doing this. Just my thoughts. Hope you can reconcile your marriage and be intimate again. Wish you the best.

he should not be masturbating

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Pray for the intimacy of emotion to return and try to have a romantic dinner, go down memory lane, talk in his ear about how great, handsome, and wonderful he is…kiss his neck, lick his face, bite his chest, rub him in the crest of his back at the bottom, check him out, kiss him slowly, and minister to him physically…it is a psychological thing…get him warmed up before you take him on the freeway…if he doesnt respond to that, just pay cloosssseeeeee attention to his behavior, schedule, and smell. Pray that God reveal what is going on. He will show you.

Another factor could be medication…if he’s on any chronic meds then perhaps discuss with your doctor

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When he comes in the room just have them legs open be sexy with it have a nice sexy lingerie on make the first moves if he don’t find that sexy and a turn on :woman_facepalming:t4: he just not wit it no more

Get yourself a sex toy and kick his ass out. Who needs that shit? No interest…yet he gets himself off? He has another woman. Leave him

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Find your local adult store and take a trip with him. There are a lot of things to keep both of you guys satisfied and they also sell pills to help with sex drive for both women and men.

Currently there. He doesn’t find me attractive anymore. My self esteem has hit an all time low… Not kidding. I’m so done with everything.

Ok dont leave him and dont cheat on him. I will say his hand can squeeze it harder and makes it feel better. I also can say when you have sex he may not can get off. When you have sex put your hand on his penis even when it is inside of you and squeeze hard. Then loosen the squeeze more and more each time. Hang in there it gets better.

I feel like all guys prefer porm over actual sex with thier woman. Trust me I feel your pain :triumph: we have fought about it quite a bit and it never changes. Guys like seeing random different women and a quick nut more than actually putting in any effort. Even when I will do all the work… hes not very intrested, maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks smh. They have been jacking off thier whole life it’s hard to make them understand why it upsets thier woman when they prefer it over being intimate. Sorry and your not alone

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Could be meds he’s taking, hormone imbalance, stress, depression, anxiety.

Have you’ve tried acting out a fantasy? Maybe write an exotic letter to him telling him one of your fantasies in your short exotic letter. I agree about sex toys…some people view them as taboo, when it can enhance anyone’s sex life. If you masturbate yourself, time it upon him arriving home from work and let him see you self stimulating yourself…majority of men LOVE seeing a woman doing this. Order him upon seeing you…be dominate. Take control. If y’all feel "uncomfortable " going to a novelty shop, go online and shop together, rent soft porn together, it doesn’t have to be xxx but there are movies that are pretty racy and have story lines actually, spice things up, don’t give up…for now. If you do not get any reactions, seeing him excited, wants to continue to give excuses then it could be: medically something wrong, has fallen out of love for you, and/or has a person of interest…and 1 thing most people do not think of is the slim possibility he could be gay. There are many people who suppress these desires even in today’s time. It happens. Good luck.

It will not get any better - trust me, I know from first hand experience. Life is short. Move on and find someone who will do what he is clearly too lazy and too selfish to do. You deserve much better!

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Lots of masterbation desensitizes some ppl

Mine says the same, has no nocturnal erections and doesn’t masturbate to my knowledge. Now I am going the same way. At 62 and happy apart from the sex thing, maybe this is as good as it gets

Sweet heart, it happens to the best of relationships sometimes. This is why it’s so important to have something to fall back on other than just sex! Like LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND COMPANIONSHIP!!! If he masterbates everyday, most likely he’s not cheating, sometimes it’s just easier to do that instead of putting in a full workout! Does he work a lot? Does he have a bad back or body pain? Sometimes it is health issues. A lot of things could be playing a factor! As you get older, sometimes the sex just fizzles out sometimes, and masterbation is the easy way out. Maybe you should try it lol😉 P.S don’t cheat on him like some ppl are saying to do! Stay classy.

When u been with same person forlongtime life get boring specials when u have kids masturbating is normal men will be men …If I cought my partner on dating site looking for sexual attraction and playing game an we still together his doom it’s over no hesitation :metal:it’s better to be honest

Trust me, I’ve been in that situation. He’s cheating either mentally or physically. or on apps/ not the right guy. You will find someone better that will do everything you want without you having to say a word. He doesn’t care anymore.

If he’s stressed, then worrying about pleasing someone else isn’t always the best reliever. Could be a medical issue. Low t, depression etc. The majority of the time someone’s sex drive drops, there’s an explanation.

You need to tell him that you have stress and feelings too and sex is good for relieving it for you too. I’m sorry! Try and communicate how you feel and see if that changes! Hoping it does for you! :black_heart:

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If he is beating off then nothing wrong with his libido…if it was low he wouldnt want to beat off either…unless he truly does have an issue with it staying hard during sex and he is embarrassed. Either way…time to sit down and have a serious heart to heart.

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I would not have my husband jerking off in my bed. He can go do that in another room. That is disrespectful, especially since he’s not in the mood for the real thing and he knows it bothers you. If he is having an issue he needs to see the doctor. If you have an appointment with your doctor, mention it to them. Maybe they’ll have some suggestions for you. I hope things work out for you.

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Finding someone to cheat on your husband with is definitely not the solution. I seriously cannot believe people are using that as an option. I would just sit down and have an honest conversation with him. I agree if he is able to masterbate then his libido definitely isn’t low. There is another underlying issue.

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It sounds like he is being lazy and not wanting to put the effort in to please you. This is a huge problem. Perhaps counseling is needed.

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Fb isn’t the place for advice on this
Have him check with Dr or psychologist

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Ummmm No Ma’am, if he is materbating he IS getting an erection so there’s Nothing wrong with his Libido! Men are as responsible for the level of intimacy in thier marriage as thier WIFE! You are OBVIOUSLY willing to have sex, So the issue ISNT YOU, what he is doing is DISRESPECTFUL! He is receiving all the BENEFITS from being married to you and eluding his responsibility in his marriage to YOU, If you have had a talk and told him how this behavior makes you FEEL and he’s done nothing to correct it, He is being SELFISH plain and simple! The only needs being met ARE HIS! I wouldn’t TOLERATE this ! You dont have to either! My advice is to look at you’re Life and ASK yourself, Is this REALLY an argument I as a woman should be having with the Man that chose ME ? IF the answer is NO, time to consult an Attorney.

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Take care of yourself. If he can do so can you. But honestly tell him how you feel and have him make an appointment.

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If his libido was genuinely low he wouldn’t feel like anything sexual, let alone be getting himself off as frequently as he is. There’s definitely something more to it that only a conversation can bring out. I agree it is stress relieving and probably a quick release to him, but having proper intimacy with you and a good sex life is probably a hell of a lot better for his ‘stress’. I think he’s just making excuses, is being lazy or he’s up to something :neutral_face: I’d dig a bit deeper if it was me and try to get to the bottom of it! :heart:

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He’s into men.:woman_shrugging::woman_facepalming:

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Sounds like he’s got someone else. Or he doesn’t find you sexy.

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It might not be libido, could be an erection issue that he’s embarrassed about.

Yep. Libido isdues would not give him an urge to masterbate. So he’s full of crap with that! Better look into this!

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He should have his testosterone levels checked.

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Alot of men (depdninging how old he is) deal with whats called testicular hypofunction

Aint nothing wrong with with him, a dead cock can’t masturbate hun.

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Men addicted to porn often cannot be intimate with their spouse.

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Disrespectful… he has libido if he’s wanking everyday. Check his phone you’ll prob find porn too.

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Get his testosterone levels checked

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Some times low testosterone levels will do that. Tell his Dr on him.

Something isn’t right…

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Currently going though this myself. Try communicating with him but honestly he is being a jerk and lazy.

Tell your husband these things, the most simplest, loving gestures can relieve stress

Definitely not Libido if he is masturbating everyday. Cant emphasize this enough ; TALK TO HIM! Have him tell you the truth. Bring up the fact that if it was caused by Libido he would not want to masturbate.

I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s being honest. Low testosterone can be a real problem. And if he’s having issues, it could be embarrassing to him to be intimate with you, therefore he would resort to masterbation because he feels inadequate. I’d open the line of communication to suggest that he get to his doctor and have his hormones checked to be sure. But I definitely wouldn’t jump the gun in saying he’s lying without exploring his health first.

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Tell him to see a dr

If he wasn’t such a wAnker then his libido won’t be so low

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I’ve heard of this problem for so many. The problem with masturbating
1: They become so use to the way it feels, nothing else feels good to them. They can control the sensation with this.
2: When a man chooses maturation over sex with his partner it’s wrong!!! WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

I would say if he doesn’t agree to counseling and you miss that intimacy (which you have every right to miss) their may not be much hope. This is very selfish on his part. His libido is low? Yet he can masturbate? I call BS!! You deserve better, you deserve to be loved!!

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Get you a new man lbs that’s a huge part of a relationship for him to throw excuses at. Your deserve more than that bull!

Probably a porn addict & it honestly will not get better unless he is willing and you are willing to seek & except help it will be alot of work but its the only way itll change! Went through that for about 8 years, been free of that toxicness for 3 and I have never ever felt so much better about myself, & he still pulling the crap with his new girl! Porn addiction is real and it makes for an extremely toxic relationship!

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My husband does the exact same thing my self esteem is nothing anymore

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If he had a low libido he wouldn’t even masterbate. There’s more too it and you need to have a proper talk with him to find out what. He’s up to something. Even with depression if masterbating it’s not affecting his sex drive.
I go straight to thinking is there someone else to be honest. Is work too much, and he doesn’t have the energy for a full night of passion. Could he have some underlying health issues or in pain and hasn’t told you. Has any of his other behaviour changed? Please don’t just oush it to aside, as your happiness is just as important as his and your children need their mum to be happy.

Wow ,he’s odd, get rid of him ?

It sounds like he has probably become addicted to porn, this addiction dulls the frontal lobe just like hard drugs. In return he can’t function in bed because the addiction has stopped his physical need for satisfaction and now its just visual. I would suggest talking to him about your needs and getting some therapy.
If he doesn’t comply kick him to the curb, it’s not worth loosing yourself for a man.

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Have him checked for Low T and his cholesterol levels. My 37 yo guy said the EXACT same thing…and bam! Low T. Now he is on meds, we just started this journey so i feel super optimistic and look forward to gettin dicked down more! Also get you a vibrator girl! :kissing_heart::kissing_heart:

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The fact that he masterbates makes me think he still likes and want sex. Just not with you…and I don’t mean for that to sound mean. I think you should find ways to please yourself and make him feel the same way.

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We’re missing a lot of context here. How long have these two been together? Did they ever have a different sex life than they do now or did she marry him hoping it would change? Are there any mental or physical health factors? Has he ever enjoyed sex with a partner?

I personally have an insanely high libido, but there are still times when I wouldn’t want to have sex, but would seek the self soothing that masturbation can bring. It’s not always about sex. If he’s never been particularly interested in sex, it is possible he’s asexual, and really does just use masturbation as a stress reliever/method of self soothing.

Given the lack of information here, I’m going to guess it’s a fair bet that she hasn’t talked to him much or at all. Communication is needed.

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I left after 30 years. I was so tired of feeling/being alone. Best decision I ever made

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Sounds to me like he’s so used to himself that he’s desensitized-himself. It’s very possible that it’s quicker and easier for him to do it himself and that he just doesn’t have the energy for the act of sex.

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To me it sounds like he is just making excuses !! If it was low masturbating wouldn’t work either
Sorry you are going through this
I truly hope you can figure it out !!

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My husband never really masterbated but he had thyroid problems that effected his sexual wants. And luckily I made him see a doctor to ask about it and that’s how we found the thyroid issue. But def have him see a doctor to get his levels checked. It never hurts and if things are normal I’d really suggest a counselor. He may have an addiction to masterbation and feel that that is how he is true my satisfied

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You just have to tell him what you want and what you’re willing to put up with. I’d say in this situation masturbating is cheating. He gets his but you don’t. I’d take it as such when normally I wouldn’t. I’d tell him that too. We do things all the time that we don’t feel like doing but we do them. He needs to get with the program and realize you’re a human with wants and needs and he better check himself. Life is too short.

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You should be his stress reliever this was an issue with my ex husband and was one of the reasons we split

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I’m confused has no sex drive but wanks himself silly? 🤷:roll_eyes: I would say there is a problem on his side in the relationship, if he ain’t feeling it then it’s no good to just carry on like this, especially because of the affect it has on yourself. I don’t know what to suggest really. But just know that there is nothing wrong with you, the problem lies with him. :heart:

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U start pleasing yourself and let it be known by him and he will come around give him a taste of his on medicine I been in a relationship for 15 yrs now and we have had our ups and downs men do do this weather we know or not and if that doesn’t help then see a therapist cause there’s always help for real love

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My ex husband was this way, always said it was an issue with him and not my fault, I held onto til I figured out it definitely was him and the reason he wasn’t interested is he had another on the side at work… I’m sorry your going through this but just guard you heart and do what is best for you.

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Maybe she was cheating and he felt she wasnt interested n him n now she wants to be touched. But he might not know how to cause he feels he is not good enough for her anymore

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Maybe you can encourage him to check his testosterone levels to see if they’re abnormal and if they aren’t he could get treatment for it don’t give up just yet.

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My husband went through this. Turned out it was a new medication that caused it. That was a long 2 years. I felt the same way you did, although he constantly told me how much he loved me and it’s not my fault it’s his. We would be intimate maybe every 3-4 months or so. Now we’re back to several times a week and it’s never been better.

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If he has a low libido, he wouldn’t masterbate. He wouldn’t be interested at all. Something else going on…

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It’s insane to me to see all these older generation women telling someone to just up and leave. What happened to fixing a relationship; That used to be a thing… This is very sad.

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I’ve gone through the same thing recently! After I had our second child it was like I was invisible to him. I started putting in the work of making our relationship fun again (sneaking around at nap time) Making sure once the kids were in bed we spend at least an hour together talking about our day. Started making his favorites for dinner. Telling him that he’s a great father. He is 41 and I’m telling you it’s made him like a teenager again!

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Probably cheating… hes a man. If he can masturbate then he still has a sex drive. That’s one reason I’m with a woman. Best decision I ever made. And yes I was with men before and had two children. Hes a man. I pray hes not cheating and tell him to go talk to his family doctor.
I am sooo sorry your going through this

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Yeah I feel your pain. I feel like intimacy is a huge part of a marriage. After dealing with it for more than 5 years I’m about done with it all.

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If he’s masturbating, he has a drive. I wouldn’t think he’s cheating, if he feels the need to masturbate.
Offer to do it for him. If he doesn’t want you to, get out of that relationship. :broken_heart::broken_heart:

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Someones it’s easier to jerk it over putting in the effort to have sex. It could be that HE’S not feeling wanted in his own way or is feel emasculated due to some reason or another. But most women don’t wanna hear about stuff like that and will just tell you to leave without trying to understand why. A majority of women don’t think a man can be in his head just as a woman can and sometimes (and often) don’t feel like performing but also feel like getting some kind of release. It’s incredibly unhealthy in your relationship to just assume something is wrong with you or with him without REALLY getting deep into it, which can definitely take time to talk about.

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Have you tried opening up the marriage? One of my best friends had bedroom problems and I suggest seeing other people (responsibly of course) and that’s when he discovered he’s a watcher. After watching his partner with others and enjoying it, it brought new excitement to their bedroom. He told me the sex has been great ever since. And when they get in ruts, they invite a friend over.

Now, if he pulls the whole “I can see other women but you cant see other men” then leave his ass cause he’s just dead inside and wants someone new.

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