My husband and I are trying to work through infidelity. I’ll spare details but I just need to say that it is 100x harder working on our marriage when our kids are crying, screaming, fighting… my daughter hates when my husband and I hug so we can’t even be affectionate around them on the bad days because it immediately turns into my daughter whining and pulling on my legs and crying. The infidelity is hard enough but to deal with a 2 year old and 4 year old that have minimal independence just makes it feel impossible. Not to mention we have to sit in our feelings the entire day until the kids go to sleep just so we can finally talk to each other. I hate this.
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I totally understand what you’re feeling! Try family hugs and then also individual hugs with each kid and your husband. Just share all the love 
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Whose the boss in the family. Sounds like your kids are running the show. Be affectionate… show the kids this is allowed… Talk to him in front of the kids… Those kind of words kids near to hear … just love out loud!!!
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Pick the kids up and hug together as a family. They need to feel loved too.
Try giving turns with hugs, starting with mom and 2 year old, dad and 2 year old, mom and 4 year old, dad and 4 year old, mom and dad then the whole family. Announce mom and ____ turn, dad and ____ turn. Make it fun for the whole family.
If your in Santa Cruz I can watch the kids so u 2 can have a date night!
Get a sitter and go away for weekend.
It sounds like you need couple’s and family counseling.
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You need to get a sitter and have a couple date night. Alone, no kids to talk. Then each should talk to your kids. Well more to the older one to explain their behavior is not good and give them another direction to maybe play with a toy or watch a favorite show.
Childhood is short, exhausting and a difficult. Don’t miss this incredable time. Hold on to your partner, love will get you through. Showing affection is positive for all!
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You need to hug more in front of the children. Ignore them if they don’t like it. They are 2 and 4. It’s fine. They will get over it. They need to see that mommy and daddy love each other. There’s nothing wrong with it. Your kids don’t own you.
I agree with the other commenter about date nights. You absolutely should get a sitter or send the kids to grandma’s for the weekend and have some time together. It will help rebuild your relationship so much.
It really sounds like the kids are running the parents and not the other way around. You definitely can change that at their ages but you need to be firm and stick with it.
Best of luck to you both.
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Talk not be angry in front of the kids. They feel the anxiety too which makes more acting up. Difficult but fun ages. Stop and enjoy the imagination with them. Put on soft music for you and them. Or exercise for your stress and they will join you
Let her cry . I agree , get out of the house away from the kids and maybe have family hugs . She will then get used to it - or not- but I wouldn’t stop just because she throws a fit . Find something to entertain them so you can at least have conversations . Good luck
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Hug in front of the kids
Hug the kids, both of you. Find someone to keep the kids for a few hours. Try to spend quality time together.
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When my husband and I hug or show affection, my son used to get vocal— we realized it’s because he felt left out. Now when we hug, we call him over and welcome him in to join. We will yell “family hug!” and our son has grown to love it and will come running. Yes, it’s cheesy. But we all feel closer as a family. Give it a try!
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I’d be breaking the toddler of bossing the grown-ups. You and your husband need to be able to be affectionate with each other. It’s a very important part of the relationship. Life is hard all the way around when kids are being kids… they are learning. Patience is key to all of this. Deep breaths… I pray yall can work it out if that is what both of you want.
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Maybe a play day with their grandparents
Ok, everyone blaming you for the kids being kids is ridiculous don’t listen to that. It is hard when they’re young and children, by nature, get jealous. It’s ok for them to see it just don’t let how they act discourage you from doing it. Don’t act like it’s a huge deal or issue and they’ll get used to it. If possible you may want to write things down to be able to talk about later on or try during nap times or when they’re playing to have conversations. It’s ok if they hear you discuss or talk about issue and can be important for them to see the problem spoken about calmly and the resolution that comes after. It does get easier but if you’re going to chose to work through it make that the priority and the focus. Everything else will fall into place.
You need to set boundaries. You should be able to be affectionate with others, regardless of who, without your kid throwing a fit. Crying won’t hurt her.
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You need to hug more and be more affectionate around them. They will get used to it. Let her cry, ignore her when she does it. She’s seeing attention and your giving into her. If he needs are met otherwise then let her cry.
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Set date nights
Get a sitter one night a week
Or every other week
Set movie night
Put the kids down a hour early
And hugggggg… even if they get upset
Join them in the hug so they see it’s okay
Do yall have someone they and you trust to watch them even for a day?
Your kids have to know their boundaries. Step one. They don’t come first. You and your husband do.
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Yall have to show affection and correct the child and revert thier attention else where my sons 4 and doesn’t yell at us for affection he actually do lil group hugs as a family and my sons the one who started it
You are letting your little ones dictate the love you have as their parents. You need to be able to kiss and hug with kids present. Unless they have seen physical abuse or words that scares them , just ignore and bring them into that hug.
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Include her in the hugs and kisses and snuggles she’ll get over it
You might start doing group hugs or family hugs to include the kids. But don’t let a 2 year old rule your family. That will just get worse if you don’t stop it now.
Teach your children it is okay for mommy and daddy to hug and kiss. They are old enough to know grown ups need hugs too. Yes, they might whine and cry at first, but it will be better for all of you in the long run.
Sounds like you need date nights…. Get a baby sitter. Parents deserve time to their self. Actually it is suggested for healthy marriages.
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To me, it sounds like you both need to show your kids more affection and attention together. If you guys are fighting all the time, they can sense the tension and they want to be included in the hugs and kisses from both parents together. They just want to share the happy moments too so they don’t feel like it’s them you are angry at or it is their fault. And might i also suggest family counseling asap. Kids aren’t stupid, no matter the age, they may not understand what’s going on but they can see and feel the energy you and hubby give off towards one another and them, even though I’m sure its unintentional but when the cup is full it overflows.
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Pick her up and have her join. Not every time buy occasionally. Our toddler calls it “family hug time”.
All I can tell you is it does get painful, and it does get lonely, but it also does get better. As long you’re willing to stick it out. There’s always a moment for just you both, even if it’s 2 minutes. Take those moments. In between being a mom and a wife and woman you need those moments. And you deserve them.
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Your marriage is going to fall apart if you allow your children to dictate your marriage. Best of luck.
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It sounds rough and I don’t have much advice except don’t let your daughter win the no hugging thing. Sit her down and explain that you love her dearly and loving daddy does not mean u don’t love her. It’ll get worse if you don’t. So hug more often in front of her. Even if you have to hug her after to reassure her. You tell her right this second is daddy’s turn for a hug and you will be next
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Your husband should
Come before your children… hug more. Love more… and they will see that and enjoy it and be more willing to “accept” it. You HAVEEEEEE to make time
For each other. When kids grow up they leave you. 
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You need to make the time. Find a babysitter.
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Have you tried marriage counselling
Sounds like your children need more things in their young life. Maybe they are in the house too much and are bored. The mood of your home can’t be that great.
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Um you are the parent not sure why the kids have so much control these days.
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sit the kids down and all of you hold hands and hug. Dont move awY move closer!!
Forgive and forget, move forward, or get out! Toxic environment isn’t good for kids!
Children need to see their parents loving & respecting each other. You two are role models to them, and they will learn from you what a loving marriage looks like. So you both just continue cuddling and hugging and showing each other love & respect. You are displaying to them what a healthy marriage looks like.
They will learn to suck it up and give you and hubby space.
When they interrupt you, tell them they are being rude and disrespectful.
(They will understand you, just be consistent)
Then go back to hubby with a big smile and say "let’s try this again "and hug him. But you will have to be consistent.
Don’t allow your little ones to dictate to you (or else it just gets worse when they are older)
You should also try create some distance between yourself and the kids.
Try and get them to daycare, at least, 3 X a week, this will create some independence from you. (If you’re a SAHM, maybe get some part-time work).
It’s incredibly important to maintain your inviduality and set healthy boundaries for your kids. (I’m a SAHM and honestly wish someone had given me this advice 14 years ago😰 )
Draw up a schedule including nap times and a consistent bed time. If they do not want to nap, they still need some quiet time for an hour (after lunch). Let them lie on their beds. They can either “read” a book or watch a movie. (It will take great discipline and consistency. But it is absolutely possible.)
And you take that hour to catch your breath.
Its extremely important for you and your hubby to contantly remind each other that you two are a team. You got this, Mama. All the Best with rebuilding your marriage🤗.
Hire a sitter. The kids need to break the apron strings from you a little, and you and your husband need some time alone to discuss feelings. Date night for you two, and a play night for the kids. Hire a fun sitter who will play with them. Win-win.
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Let her cry for a minute. As long as she’s safe and not hurt she’s fine. Stop letting the kids run you.
Get a sitter and go out, if you can let them go for a weekend to grandma’s or aunties and have a weekend to yourselves.
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Yall qs parents should show affection towards eachother. The kids r 2 and 4 they don’t understand. Maybe tell them it’s ok mommy and daddy love eachother. Hug kids also.
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You need to set some boundaries… All of them with your kids, within your marriage. But the daughter not allowing affection between you and your husband… That needs to stop… She doesn’t get to dictate that.
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Sounds like you are placing blame on kids, you are the parents and are setting the examples. Yes having children is stressful period, but that is something you have to build your relationship around because they are your kids.
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Time for all of you to go to family counseling.
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Its difficult at times whilst working through issues with a partner, as such it is a life time journey as well as the children fitting in also. Allowing children to act out because you are hugging is a learnt behaviour, in order to have acceptance it would be in the child’s interest to experience the parents hugging right from the start along with and also for the children to have hugs also. Children learn from what they see. If there is infidelity those issues, maybe some of the cause of the parents own acting out. Step up! Communication is what is needed for a relationship to work, it’s not always easy however definitely needed. Stop the blame and shame and start learning to love and support each other & the children will learn this also. What I’m hearing is the separation game, change it to the together game b4 it’s too late. 
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You’re letting your children run your life instead of the other way around you’re gonna have to take charge and do it together and definitely have time away together
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I normally don’t scroll through Facebook. But I did tonight and i’m actually absolutely shocked about how people can spread their personal lives like that and ask for advice wow
It is not because of your kids. Also, this relationship is a done deal if whomever out of the two was sober when cheating. It won’t work out, but you’re forcing it. You’re looking for excuses to place blame for why it’s not working out. Your kids have zero to do with it. You could literally talk whenever. You’re choosing not to. Your kids can tell something isn’t right, by the way. This whole thing sounds odd.
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So my mom use to whip my my as with what ever was closest to her at the moment I think you should try this, ya kids need to put some respect on ya name
You can’t hug because your daughter “doesn’t like it?” Sounds like you’ve got bigger issues on your hands than your husband.
because of your kids, you’d be better off teaching them that they deserve a trustworthy partner and divorce him.
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He cheated. Clear the decks. It will happen again. Sorry to say but it’s the cold hard truth.
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Hey you had kids and kids need attention, nurturing, and security! Grow up!
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You both urgently need support and date nights to spend one on one, please don’t feel bad for reaching out for help from a babysitter or close family member you trust.
show your kids you are the boss not them if they carry on like that it is effecting your marriage kids get sent to their room when they act up. After a few times of knowing they are not going to get away with bad behavior it will stop a 2 year old can learn to behave she has already learned she is the boss in the house and it will only get worse
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Sounds like you need a whole day overnighter away from children . Also sounds like children are running your life. Generally households run best in that God or who ever you worship comes first then your spouse and children are last . Children are happiest with this type of set up if possible .
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The undisciplined children is probably the cause of the infidelity. Get your house in order otherwise nothing will ever work
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The kids need to understand that the parents NEED time together… NEED to express their feelings to one another NEED to show affection towards one another at any given time throughout the day… you need to talk to your children and help them understand this. Don’t stop because they’re whining or throwing a fit that just shows them that it’s ok to do that… it’s not. Everyone in the family deserves attention and love not just the children. It’s not fair to any one of you to pretend to be happy and sit in your feelings while the kids are awake. Talk it out work it out and get through it if that’s what you want and the little ones will need to know that mommy and daddy make the rules and set the boundaries of what’s going to happen in the house.
Take control of the kids not them you. Even at 2 and 4 they are old enough to take naps, have their own me play time (coloring, building blocks, etc) for at least 30min or a little more. As for affection between you and spouse, when child tugs at leg or wants in lap move them to a seperate area in same rm with coloring book or toys. Parenting = control.
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Your children shouldn’t control your action to the point you can’t hug your husband, if you guys can’t be affectionate to each other in front of kids then how will they learn. I would confort them but also point out to wait their turn. Set a date night to prioritize your relationship with your husband.
Million others have done it. Your kids are more important that your feelings. They don’t understand “intimacy”, they just need your attention. And if they are crying for it, that means they either don’t get enough or they sense insecurities themselves.
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First of all the kids aren’t to be blamed for anything you and your husband are working through. Period. Infidelity shouldn’t be something kids have to behave for while you work through it, they’re kids. Self care. Put God back in your marriage & identify the solution not the problem. Take care.
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Someone is cheating? And all you are worried about is the kids yapping? Your kids don’t belong in your relationship problems and if the kids don’t like him it’s because u fight in front of them. If someone cheats then let them go because they are only pretending to care for u.
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Tell your child no when he/she does it, move them away 
or pick them up an hug them too then tell them to go play… why let your kids control what you do 
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Don’t ever let the kids run your life. Find time.
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Sounds like the parents need to grow a “pair” and using ,minmal corporate punishment,and be “Parents” !!!
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You should have thought a Million Times about having kids. They Will be a part of your life until the day you Die.If you are not Ready to be Tortured Don’t have any kids at all.
My 10 month old cry’s like that when I hug his dad I still continue to give him a hug and kiss then get to the kids I have 3 7 year old with autism a crazy 4 year old and baby it can be hard but we still try to be affectionate in front of them and sometimes a hug requires us to ignore the screaming also we wait till kids go to bed to talk out issues honestly y’all need to go have a date night and be kid free for a few hours that would really help or in general get out without them like shopping ext me and husband do if we can gives us time to be goofs while we shop or run errands without kids crying or them running around
Instructions on how to raise a child is in the Bible.
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Nope. Infidelity should always be a deal breaker unless you want to be miserable the rest of your life.
Why are you letting the kids run the household. You are the adults, the kids should be following you two, not the kids say what should & shouldn’t be done or ok. Lead by example. Are the kids spoiled? . Sounds like you should look into family counseling. Date nights away from your kids or something.
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Silly letting a 4 yr old dictate what the so called parents should be doing. Sounds like our dog who gets jealous when we interact!
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First and foremost why would you let a child have control? Who cares if she hates it when you and husband hug. I hope y’all didn’t say nothing to the kids about the infidelity. Why would you daughter react that way with your husband giving you a hug? There’s way bigger issues going on. I love how everyone skipped over the infidelity mention and not putting two and two together
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I am
So sorry . Please know this is a common issue and you are not alone . Get some martial counseling with someone who deals with infidelity asap .
Those kids are very young and you need to get them under control. When they hang and pull because of attention somewhere else you need to tell them no and stop it.
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Sounds like kids are running your family
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You guys need professional help… you have infidelity…some signs of dysfunction in at least on of the kiddos…and the biggest part… you are blaming your children for keeping y’all apart…and THAT is unacceptable… YOU need to RUN to a counselor… if your husband refuses to go…that is on him and that says you are working on the infidelity issue by yourself anyway. And if you get help… your children will stand a chance after the divorce. Which is what will happen with you not coping and blaming your kids.
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2 and 4? They are in charge already? No ma’am.
Boundaries. Your kids aren’t supposed to run the house, the parents are. Stop letting your kids run the show.
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Daughter has mini wife syndrome. It’s bad. Please research it and stop it immediately before it turns to physical aggression and harm. It always escalates into serious harm. My ex had a daughter who had it severely because everyone ignored it. I eventually couldn’t sleep the weekends they were in my home. After being threatened she’d stab me in the face I found steak knives in the room where she’d stay. She then threatened to burn my house down and I found matches and lighters hidden in that room too. At that point I stopped sleeping because it was unsafe to do so as I didn’t know what threat or harm she’d actually go to. That relationship purely ended because of her and her mini wife syndrome. It starts with them pitching fits about minor affection and escalates into pure violence. So please deal with her now before you are in harms way.
Sounds like yall need to be adults they are kids
Family counseling as a whole is needed. Stop not hugging and giving this CHILD her way. You also need to get away from the kids and go on dates as well as counseling.
Give them kids away!! Keep that cheating loser!
Just please never tell the kids what you just told us. 
Yeah, kids can be annoying sometimes but they are little for just a short time. They may be needing your attention, which is normal. Never let them know that you thought they hurt your marriage. They will feel guilt all their lives.
I can’t believe this post. You’re actually blaming your children for needing and wanting YOUR attention because you want to fix your marriage?! Should’ve thought about that before having kids.
And it’s such an odd thing to see mostly everyone on the opposite scale as this. They’re kids. They were brought into this world by BOTH of you. Raise them or don’t have them. If your relationship doesn’t work because of cheating, why are you taking that out on the kids?! Work on adult things separately from kids. Point blank you both need to be better
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Who is in charge here kid or adults. I am very old school in my approach with kids where the adults are in charge not the kids. Take the time to teach them that there is nothing wrong with affection and open communication amongst their parents.
WTH.??? Why would you EVER put up with children acting out for parents showing Affection???
Thats just a NO!
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Its called being parents use dont come first no more
I just don’t understand the whole kid thing, you’re the parents so parent. You are the adult, you make the rules and boundaries, the kids should not be telling you how to act or do anything. If the kids don’t like it who cares. How are you going to fix your marriage if you can’t be an adult in the presence of your kids? Have a back bone as a parent or you are going to hate their teenage years.
Stop letting kids dictate your relationship lol they can be your top priority and you can still have feelings and be happy…
Are you actually blaming your problems on your children???
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Sounds like you just need to leave! Don’t blame the kids blame your husband
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The infidelity should be the ending. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Put the jealous kid in another room. Or take your hubby to your room and shut the door before hugging him. Stop letting your kids run your home
Two words. You can’t.
After somebody cheats, that trust is broken and your relationship can never go back to the way it was. Better off if you two separate and divorce.
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Not you blaming the kids. Maybe your daughter is trying to protect you.
Infidelity? Yall have cheating issues? Because of the kids?