Need advice: my husband and I fight over how he treats me. Every time it ends with, he’s going to do better, and things will change, and yet it never does. My husband doesn’t buy me gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day. It breaks my heart and hurts my feelings. I even go out of my way to make sure that his family is taken care of on our holidays and birthdays. Because according to his mother, since I am the woman of the house, it is my job. We are currently going through fertility treatments that we have been doing for 11 months. We are getting ready for a round of IVF, and on Mother’s Day, my husband did nothing for me. We already have a three-year-old. We got into a huge fight, and I told him that it really hurt my feelings and told me I didn’t deserve a Mother’s Day, Then he later apologized and said he didn’t mean it. Today he got mad at me because he wants to buy his father elaborate, expensive laptop for Father’s Day, and I told him I thought that that was a bit much, and I didn’t even get anything for Mother’s Day. I told him I thought with all this extra IVF and fertility stuff in the fact that we have a child I deserve better. He replied, “what is IVF just some pills?”
So he can put all kinds of thought and money into his dads gift but not for you? I’ll just say this, if you repeatedly tell someone how you feel, if you tell them that what they are doing is hurting you and they do not change, they do not respect you.
Wow I’m really sorry. I would stop buying gifts for anyone other than your child, and your side of the family if you want. It’s not your responsibility to buy gifts for his family. And if he doesnt get you gifts, then you dont get him gifts.
Uhm… if it were me I think I’d rather be single than deal with a dude like that. And damn sure wouldn’t be trying so hard to have another child with someone who tells me I don’t even deserve Mother’s Day… I sure hope things get better for you! I hate to hear that you deal with that. Prayers girl!
Don’t do a single thing for him on Fathers Day.
Why bring another baby into this awful relationship.
Stop while you can.
It will never change!
Sounds like his mother has taught him that you don’t get anything other than to take care of his kid. My advice: dont give him another one. He sounds like an asshole. Quit wasting your money on his family and buy yourself some stuff since his dumb ass won’t. Seriously though dont have another baby with him.
I can’t comment on your husband because I will be very mean and there’s no need for me to do that. I will say you are an amazingly kind, strong woman and you deserve to be treated like a queen since you treat him like a king. I wish you all the luck in the world!
I wouldn’t bring more kids into that relationship…
I would seriously think about how you want to spend the rest of your life. Do you want another child with him, truely? He is most likely never going to change. You have made how you feel clear, he doesnt care. Either leave, or lower your expectations ( I wouldn’t, you are not asking anything crazy). Otherwise you will never be happy.
And you want another baby with him?
Why exactly are you trying to have another child with this man? You deserve better, and your three year old deserves a better role model. Would you be happy if your child found a partner that threats them the way your husband treats you?
I’d seriously reconsider Ivf… Do you really want to bring another child into an environment where the women are expected to give and give and are shown absolutely no appreciation and borderline abusive behavior on his part…
My husband asked for a weed whacker chainsaw combo for fathers day. I asked him what I got for mothers day…crickets
Yeah… you shouldn’t be having any more babies with him…
He sounds very immature and maybe his mother has brought him up in a certain way…That women do everything…So its not in his nature to just think of you as a person really…Its quite an old fashioned view…Im not sure things will change though
Think hard if you really want to live this life with him. I was in a marriage similar to that and ended up leaving after 17 years. He would forget my birthday and tell me he didn’t need to say happy Mother’s Day to me because I am not his mother, even though we have 2 children together. I am now happier than I’ve ever been. Don’t settle and don’t make excuses for him. Ever.
Why are you trying to bring another child into that kind of relationship…
He’s a child. Stop trying to have another child with him.
Why r u still trying for a baby with this pos get rid of him another child won’t fix him
Leave him… Tigers dont change their stripes… You are better off.
I’ll say what was told to me: what you allow is what will continue.
Clearly he’s not invested in you at all. I’m sorry but I’d rethink having more babies with him.
Run away. There is a difference between being a jerk sometimes and being a controlling asshole
Girlllll, if you don’t cancel that IVF appointment. If he hasn’t fixed it yet he isn’t going too! You deserve better and I’m damn sure you’ll find better!
This is your husband, you married him for better or worse…Try learning his love language.Some people do NOT have the same love language the same way they don’t have the same hobbies…Appreciate what he does do for you that is NOT materialistic…An attitude of gratitude and appreciation for the smaller things makes a huge difference…At the end of the day you can not take the riches of the world with you when you are gone…
And…you want another child with this man ? Please give one reason why…
I’d run… its going to just get worse and worse.
Why in the actual fuck are you PAYING to have a kid with this asshole that treats u like shit?? It’s not going to change. So u either leave or suck it up n stop whining. U dont deserve that treatment and you do not need to bring another innocent child into a situation like that.
I use to be in a relationship with a man like that. I cried every holiday, I was never made to feel special. It hurt so much! Now I have a man who would never let me cry, who always makes me feel special. You need to make some choices about your life, you definitely don’t deserve to feel like that!
Ummm. Just no. Buh bye
Besides gifts on the holidays does he care for you and supply your needs every other day 
Are gifts really that important to you?? 
Buy them yourself 
I wouldn’t bring another child into that relationship. He won’t change so either leave or stay and keep getting treated like shit.
Wow, I’m surprised by everyone saying you should leave him. He clearly learned his love language through his parents and if his mother believes that the wife should take care of everything, he was raised up on that belief. Men don’t value the same things as women and he probably doesn’t view gifts and acts of service as a way of showing love (whereas you do). His love language might be quality time or affection. Communication is key, but you cannot come into it all about you and where he’s making you unhappy. Come into it with understanding and the desire for clarity for the both of you.
He should absolutely respect and value you (especially more than his dad) but he might be making effort in ways that you don’t realize because they aren’t the ways that you want.
If their actions don’t meet there words, leave him and for god sakes don’t have a child with this idiot, if his family is that toxic aswell you are just setting yourself up for a life time of misery. Trust me, i did and I’m still living through the consequences. Problem these days guys want a wife who work, pay the bills, cook, clean and raise children whilst doting on them. They want to date their mothers really. Don’t put up with this, do you really want your future children brought up in this environment? Imagine having a son and him turning out exactly like him? Would you be happy with that? 7 billion people in the world, let this wanker go.
Look up “The Language of Love,” and both take the test.
What is WRONG with some of you ?!??! This woman is speaking on him.not buying her gifts on holidays and yall IMMEDIATELY jump to "LEAVE HIM " "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER KID WITH HIM " some serious man hating females in here !!! Do yous have sons ?!?! Give it some thought from BOTH sides before you just tell women to run away !!
Do not bring a child into this relationship.
You should not bring another child into that. You guys have some things to work out “if it’s fixable” before adding the stress and responsibility of another child. Don’t have kids just because you want to feel loved. The fact that he’s lacking in showing you is not a good reason to bring a child into it for the love. It’s selfish. Your relationship is a bad example and you’re paving the way for your kids future relationships.
Leave him. if he wants to change he will, but it doesn’t seem like he wants too
He doesn’t love you or care about your feelings. Leave.
If you have a job and can support yourself and put a better use to that IVF money, move out on your own. Get child support for sure.
My man didn’t get me anything for mother’s day and I have a 2 year old who is not biologically his and am currently carrying his son. I don’t see the gift thing as a big issue. Now, the fathers day thing is a bit much. And why have another baby with this man if he doesn’t respect you? Gifts are not important in a relationship honestly. How you treat one another and respect one another is what counts…
And why are you trying to have another kid with him again ???
I mean my husband and I don’t buy gifts for each other for holidays/birthdays… We may see something at the store and think the other will like it so pick up here and there. But not everyone is into holidays and gifts. I say if he doesn’t buy for you don’t buy for him. We only buy for the kids
Stop IVF if you can’t live with who he is leave. Don’t change him that’s not your job. Cut your losses
Mine has been a jerk about remembering special dates and refusing to remember what I like. My revenge is oh I would like that at least once a month until he remembers the next year. I have to put it in the budget but my bunnies are really cute
Why would you stay or even want to have children with a man that treats you poorly???
Been married 19 years we have 3 kids I can count on one hand how many times I have received a gift. I have never really thought about it, it has never bothered me. That’s just who he is I feel very loved every day so I never feel like Im was missing anything.
Probably not terribly smart to have another kid with him if he treats you so poorly…
I think people might be focused on the wrong part here, she says he doesn’t buy her gifts on days that are important to her Wich just so happen to be holidays and special occasions. But she also said that it hurts her feelings and upsets her. That’s the real problem. She’s unhappy with how she’s treated no matter what the context is. If someone is unhappy in a relationship, something should be done.
My man doesn’t technically buy me gifts for holidays, etc. I order what I want with his card if I want something. But its him coming home with random things he sees for me, my mocha frappes during that time of month, bringing home my favorite kona coffee monster drink everyday that tells me I’m appreciated
If he wants his family to have expensive gifts,then tell him that is his job to buy them. Also,explain the IVF procedure to him and let him know how important holidays are to you. However,if you don’t get him anything for the holidays ,then don’t expect anything in return. If don’t give,then don’t expect to receive. Sounds like y’all need more intimacy,bc don’t sound like a married couple that share everything. Sounds like have separate lives. Need counseling and to work it out before have another kid together. Start going on dates and have alone time together more often. Try to get spark back. If can’t,then don’t waste money on IVF
You need to move on from this man. Clearly you are not equals in this relationship. Definitely not an environment to bring another child into.
I would leave. He doesn’t care about you anymore. Was he a different man when you guys had your son?
Why are you trying to have another kid with a man that hurts your feelings and treats you this way?
Well, start treating him the same as he treats you. Sometimes, that helps people to understand. But, he honestly may have another love language than you. Instead of you waiting on him to do it, tell him what to get. That could help.
Stop that 
… treat him how he treats you.
Look up love languages in google there is a quiz. It sounds as though the two of you speak different languages when it comes to love. Maybe he doesn’t think about gifts as important to show affection and love.
I was with a man who never bought me a thing and he didnt even care! Hes my ex. My fiance now…I couldnt imagine him not treating me special on holidays. He honestly has no respect for you and is selfish. Get out now…he wont change bc he knows you wont leave.
Sounds like you need to find a real man to treat you the way a woman and mother should be treated. Try thinking of yourself and child you can do better.
Dont jave another baby with him, save your money and treat the kid you already have, if he treats you like this it’s not going to change, and his dad can go such a rotton egg, he shouldnt ve getting anything if you didnt get anything…your the mother of his kid
Get him a large calendar. And write every important date on it. Then put it in an area he sees every single day. It’s not right that his days get remembered and celebrated and yours don’t.
If you have to keep telling him how to treat you he has no respect for you. He expects you to go above and beyond for him but shows you nothing…thats not love. A real man would be considerate of your feelings and wouldnt have to keep talking about it. Id have your kid doing something for fathers day but as far as buying something really expensive. He can do that on his own. Im sorry you feel unwanted and unloved…it shouldn’t be like that 
Omg. If he treats you bad… Leave. Why stay with someone if they’re mean to you.
Hunni u need to leave him he treats u this way just because u let him and keep forgiving him time after time it showed him that it’s ok to do it
Wow. He is super insensitive! Im so sorry! IVF isn’t easy by any means and every woman deserves to be appreciated! I’m sorry to say but if you’ve already expressed your feelings to him and he hasn’t made an effort not much else is going to make a difference. He shouldn’t treat you like that and you definitely deserve better. Know your worth hunni!
Sounds very stressful, which isn’t good for getting pregnant…not sure you reallllly wanna hear what I think…but follow your gut. Are you happy?
Oh, a one sided relationship, how nice 
I would not get pregnant right now. It sounds unstable and sounds like he is not changing like he says he will. He keeps telling you that he will change and do better but doesn’t. Plus, he doesn’t show you he loves you at all it sounds. Sorry.
Sit down, be forward. If he wants to be treated like the king he claims to be then he also needs to treat you like the queen you are. You are his wife, there is value in that statement. In those vows he has to hold up on his end. It’s a two way street, hes gaslighting you. Deflect it, be mature, always take the high road. If you’re going to demand the respect then you have to hold firm. However, in that statement you also have to give him the same respect. It has to be mutual. If he is unable to work with you then maybe seek counseling. Either for yourself or marriage counseling.
For 1… Don’t try to make another baby with him !!! Get your other child an get out !! He’s not going to change. … If a man doesn’t wear a diaper…you can’t change him !!!
You both need to learn and work on appreciating each other’s love languages.
Quit buying all the gifts, you and him should be buying them together and no elaborate gifts, except for your child,you and him
Please don’t have another baby with him. It will only make things more complicated.
And you want to have another child with this jack-ass? Wake up.
Put up or shut up or leave
Love yourself and your child and leave his ass. He doesn’t deserve you. Why settle for a man that doesnt treat you like a queen? He sounds like a miserable person, and he won’t change. I’d rather be single with my child and happy! #loveyourself
Know your worth. Stop the treatments and leave his ass.
Well thats not going to change and he doesnt respect you at all. So either you stay and deal with it, or leave and find someone better that will respect you as a person and a mother.
Why have more kids with that asshole?
Leave it wont get better
Please dont have another
poor baby
Oh yeah whatever woman are of equal value as a man .don’t sell your short of having a happy life .I would try to get pregnant just leave stand tall and be strong
I cannot say I’m in a position to give any advice but I know that if you’d like to see a change you must step out of comfort zone and away for the “norm” or the things you have been doing to try and resolve the issues.
This was my ex. Leave now.
He is the way he is…I certainly would not have have another child because he will not change…maybe God is telling you something by not letting you get pregnant! Think about it!
Definitely leave and DO NOT have another child with him. It’s selfish behavior and if it hasn’t changed already, it probably won’t.
Think its time to find someone who treats u right
leave. I promise you he wont get better. There is no point in being with someone and feeling completely alone. NO ONE deserves that treatment. There is more in this life than a man who can’t figure out your worth. His loss!
Don’t have another child with him he sounds like a mean and selfish person.
Just got rid of my lying dumbass saying and doing same stuff!! Get rid of him and dont do another kid! I completely regret not getting rid of his ass sooner
I would just leave, putting up with that just gives him more reasons to continue to do it you also teaching your child it’s okay to put up with it
You deserve better than him!
Think about another kid growing up with ass as a Dad, please rethink. Are you really happy? Why waste your life. Take your Child and go. When you least expect it your prince will come!
Maybe he is just not a gift giving person, but then that would be weird that he wants to get his father an expensive laptop. Stop getting his family gifts for holidays. Tell him that if he wants his family to get things, you two need to go shopping together or he needs to take care of it. You shouldn’t have to do it all “because your the women”. Him saying IVF is “just some pills” was very insensitive. I don’t know what that process is like, but it is probably very emotional for you and more than just taking a pill. He needs to apologize severely for that comment. Stop trying for a baby until your relationship is more stable. Maybe trying counseling? Good luck!
DO NOT Have another child with this man!!!
Actions speak louder than words
From experience i can sadly tell you that this shallow man will probably never change. He could be the 1 in 100 that changes but i dont see it happening. You are an emotiona, caring person and he is not. In my opinion another baby with such a man would only make you more unhappy. He can not be the man meant for u, dear. Seek family or friends that you have not seen for years and strengthen your bonds with them. Tell them how this relationship is and with their help take your 3 year old and make a new life for the 2 of you. Life will be so much better. Let him go.