Hi everyone, I could use some advice, sorry for being so long . My husband and I have been together for over a year now. We share a daughter that is under a year old, and we live apart. We live apart due to the fact that one day he put his hands on my neck, and I kicked him out. That was about six months ago. Well, for about two months, we were apart, and he was out having one night stands and drinking and partying. But we got back together, and well, let’s just say I don’t fully trust him. I’m always wary of what he’s doing and who he’s with, and well, let’s just say I’ve gotten better but still worry. The problem is this before we split our marriage had become very toxic. We were always saying the worst things to each other, and I had become physical with him. I would throw my phone at him or slap him because of how annoyed we would get. And he would become very rude and disrespectful. Constantly telling me I’m not good enough, I’m worthless, I’m a slut (because I have been with someone before I was with him) and constantly belittle me. We have gotten back together and separated about three times, and each time he’s gone and slept with more women, and each time, it was me begging him to be a family because I so badly want the family for my daughter. Well, now that we’ve gotten back together, we have a different relationship. We have gotten some counseling and have been doing better, but he still tells me things like sometimes he would rather be at work than with me, or he would rather spend time with his own family(mom and siblings) than with our daughter and me. The only time we spend time together is during the weekend, and 80% of the time, he would rather be at his mom’s then with us. And when we are together, I can feel just how bored and annoyed he is. It’s almost like he can’t wait to get away from me. He constantly makes me feel like I’m the second option. He rarely ever shows me love, and although I know he is not the emotional type, I wish he would try more. I feel so ugly, my self-esteem and my self worth are both gone because of what he’s done and how he treats me. And I’m constantly worried today will be the day he says, “I don’t want to be with you anymore” because he consistently says that to me. I don’t feel like he actually chooses me or let alone love me, and I don’t know what to do. I want to be him because I really do love him and want a family for my daughter, but deep down, I feel like he doesn’t actually want me. But then again, I question is and ask myself maybe he does, and he’s just not showing it correctly. The thought of being divorced hurts me so much. And I hate the idea of court and having to share our daughter and doing a back and forth sharing situation with her. That’s not what I ever wanted for myself or her. I love him, but I’m so sick of being insecure and feeling unloved. There are even times I question if he’s actually at home or with another girl. I’m just so confused. Some advice would be greatly pleased; I’m not sure how to move forward from this. If you were in this situation, would you stay or leave? Is there any way to make this better?
Why are you with somoene you have no trust with?
So why are you staying?
This is just ridiculous.
He tried to strangle you, whored around and you just have to have him?
Divorce are u serious
Wrong for putting hands on you. But technically you put him out and left him. What did you think he would do?
Don’t walk, RUN. This is a very toxic relationship and your child deserves better as do you.
Hi I would get out, me and partner of 3 years have just separated we had a toxic relationship seems very much like yours, it will be hard on you but you need to get away from him for the sake of your child and yourself, you don’t a man like this.
Sounds like you both have issues and both are toxic for each other.
Cant force someone to stay with you. You and your daughter deserve so much better
You have to leave. I know how hard it can be when you want your child to have a family, but he doesn’t care about you and your child the way he needs to. Someone that loves you and respects you would put you first always, and he’s proven that he won’t do that.
Show your daughter how you can stand on your own 2 feet and move on. Being in this type of relationship is only gonna show her how you settled and it will be ok for to be with a ma that treats her the same way… if you truely want better for her get out of this… you will eventually find a man who will out you and her at the top of the list. He isnt the one to settle fir
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I honestly can’t give you any advice because I’m in such a similar situation but I’m praying you figure it out
Please show your daughter how she deserves to be treated and leave !
I wouldn’t have gone back after he laid his hands on me. Fuck that. Fuck taking him back. Fuck the arguing. Fuck being treated like shit. Sorry, but you’re an idiot.
You both are toxic to each other. It benefits both of you to separate for good but you know who it benefits the most ? Your child . She deserves more than a mom and dad living together putting their hands on each other , name calling etc. Be better examples for her sake. Let the relationship go and moving forward work on your co parenting relationship
you don’t love him and he doesn’t love you… for the sake of your daughter, break up and do NOT get back together! you are both toxic together and all you’re doing is messing up your child!!!
trust me, she’s better off with you guys not being together!
Think about your child at this point. What do you want your child to see, and hear? Sometimes 2 really great people can be toxic for one another. It’s your journey and I wish you the best. But know that you deserve more and your child deserves more. It’s easier said than done. But love is out there, the kind that won’t hurt you or belittle you… the kind that will be there for you when it’s difficult, and love you through all of the trauma and baggage that you have had to endure and may carry into a new relationship. You deserve butterflies, not battle wounds. I hope that you find the answer that you are looking for . 
Leave. Tf. 
He’s abusive, that should make you wanna leave!
This is NEVER going to get better based on all of this information. Literally. It’s going to be a never ending cycle. Smh
I think you need to learn to love and value yourself. You let him whore around, choke you, and you still wnat him?
Two happy homes is much better than one angry and toxic home for your child.
You are setting an example already on what to allow from a partner and how to treat one.
You are both screwed up. You admit you literally beat him to. You both need to get away from each other.
So you’re waiting to hear the words “I dont want to be with you” when actions speak louder than words & those all show he doesn’t want to be with you… Just file & be done.
I don’t understand why people ask for opinions and they instantly get judged. No one is perfect. But the stuff you wrote I think deep down inside you know what’s best for you and your daughter. Someone who loves you … would not belittle you or constantly put you down or say mean and hurtful things. This is a hard situation but it’s only going to get worse especially if you been back and forth a few times. And I would be honest how you feel and talk to him. Sounds like he is not all in it and about family like he should be. But I would Try to just focus on you and your daughter. Go to the gym let out some steam … clear your head and stress. Focus on you. Get yourself back to feeling good about yourself … find ways for that! Sorry your going through this but keep your head up.
He’s not the only toxic one here and he’s not the only abusive one here. He’s going to get a lot of the hate because of how much you put in about him, but that little bit you added about you shows it went both ways. You’re both toxic and abusive in this relationship. The best thing you both can do for your child is separate.
Can’t worry where he sticks his dick if your dead. Is this for real
How many red flags do you need hun ,leave hes never never going to change ,look after yourself and your family ,leave now xx,best of luck 
It’s tough when all you wanted was a family. I get it. My question is do you really want your daughter to have that kind of example of a relationship? Both of y’all are doing things to each other.
Just something to think about.
I know as a mom I wouldn’t want my daughter to see a man treat me that way nor would I want her to see me treat a man that way.
I stopped at “and now we’re back together”. Because once a man puts his hands on you it should be over. Period.
I would rather be a single mother than be in a soul-sucking miserable relationship.
Instead of chasing him, let him chase you. Let him know that he doesn’t, and never will, hold all the cards to your future.
You have goals and dreams and deserve to pursue them. He won’t respect you until you respect yourself. Lesson learned, move on.
I can understand why you think you should be with him, but honestly what are you teaching your kid. That is acceptable? You are MOM and thus has a great responsibility to teach or kids and to guide them is one of our most important roles. It is hard but I lived this toxic kid of behavior for years, kept telling myself it would get better. It wasnt until I woke up one day and realized I was lying to myself and my children that I was happy. So i kept saying when the kids get older and now i look at all the time i wasted. You and your kid deserve to be happy and safe. He and you both need help. Him to sort his shit out and you to deal with the traumatic events. I got help for myself and realized we can only change ourselves and change our future. He eventually left me! And yes it hurt 23 years…down just like that…a ring on the counter and him saying he was done! It’s been a year and I have to tell you, although it was hard my children especially my daughter said I was the strongest person in the world! Every day is a challenge but with the help of great friends to lean on I have been doing great! Take a breath and search yourself because you already know the answer. I hope this helps
WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION? HE screwed up, on at least 6 counts, he’d be kicked to the curb in any normal person’s perspective. Sh%% or get off the pot.
He doesn’t want you… you are a second option. You are his wife so he feels obligated to ne around you and tolerate you. Please do yourself a favor and leave, run and never look back. You dont love him! You love that you have a family! You love that you have a man to validate yourself ! But he isnt building you,he is sinking you into a deep dark hole and you must seek counselling alone… for you…you mental health…your self esteem…you come first! Would you want your daughter thinking it is ok to be treated that way? Well that’s what you will be teaching of 7 decide to stay…that it’s ok to be not wanted…that it’s ok to cry and be hurt…
Ur daughter is watching both of u,do u want her to think this is ok?, terrible roll models…now u both need to grow up!
You need to know what to do? Um, leave him permanently…
I don’t even have to read it all. Personal opinion I can’t understand how a women can put up with that kind of behavior from a men. It’s like you are allowing it & him knowing it won’t ever make him change since you took him back. Like seriously we as women shouldn’t be treated like that why do women allow that.
End it. Leave. Run. Never look back. Get out. Save yourself!
No brainer…leave him before he leaves you
You are better than that. Don’t let him belittle you, that is not helping your daughter, it’s not sending her the right message. You don’t want her to grow up thinking she should be treated like that. Sending prayers for you. Remember you are beautiful and you are strong! God Bless
Leave now before you have 10 years of that shit like myself and it was so much harder to get out
Leave now !!!
Toxic on both sides.
There will never be a functioning marriage. End it now, you are just side stepping the truth.
Never stay with someone you has physically put his hands on you! You want your daughter to think that is excepted behavior from a man ! If you love your daughter leave.
I don’t even need to read the whole story to tell you you’re better off without him.
I guess I am curious as to why you got married? It sounds like a total shit show of nastiness and hurt. I get you don’t want a divorce but why would you want to commit to someone who’s not committed to you two? You definitely deserve better and no child should witness the violence and crazy from either parent. You two should be apart and happiness and contentment comes from within. Never from a relationship or another person . Get a divorce and get some therapy and concentrate on making you 100 ok so you never settle for less then what you deserve.
I think you answered your own question
It’s called a DIVORCE.
He does not want to be with you. Work on yourself, move on and you will find someone that loves you and your daughter, someone that deserves you.
If your going to expect him back for you to forgive him, talk it out and move on.
Why do you want to be in such a toxic relationship. You and him both deserve better, but above all your little girl deserves the best of both of you, and you 2 together is obviously not what she is going to get. Good luck
You only live once why keep being miserable and wasting your time if it’s not better by now it’s not ever going to be.
I couldn’t even finish this after hearing how toxic you BOTH are for each other! Neither of you should be laying hands on each other!
You’ll never be happy with a man you can’t trust.
Sophia Poulos lmao i dont get people honestly
You’re both toxic to each other, seperate and divorce. Kids deserve better!
Leave him the sooner the better.its not gonna do you or yur child any goodd 2 stay n that situation. Believe me it only ggets worse!
And you want to stay in that why??? Leave!!!
Too toxic for the baby
It not just how he treats you. You said you had gotten physical with him by throwing things too. You CAN NOT STAY with someone bc you want a family for your daughter. Would you want your daughter to be treated like this? Get a divorce, fix yourself and raise your daughter…
You BOTH got physical with each other and you BOTH verbally abused each other. You are BOTH toxic for each other. It’s not just his fault and it’s not just your fault. Divorce, share 50/50 custody, and co parent like mature adults. Your daughter doesn’t need to be in a home where both of her parents are physically and verbally attacking each other.
This man put his hands around your neck! Could have easily been that sweet baby girl. You need some damn help for even considering taking him back. You shouldn’t give a fuck about keeping your family together her having a father forcefully in her life let him walk away for good the decision is his to live with. But seriously is that the type of energy you want around a kid? Teaching her oh daddy put his hands on me for this reason and that reason like it’s OKAY
This entire diatribe that you just wrote only proves that you are putting your daughter last. If you really cared about your daughter, your priority would be that she is in a safe, loving and respectful environment. Your home and your relationship are none of those things. Your daughter is learning that it is okay to be abused by and ok to abuse men. Show your child enough love to put your feeling second and put her well-being first. This is beyond ridiculous.
Girl leave! You both are bad for each other and this will mess up your daughter. LEAVE and co-parent apart, get yourself together and find your own way before you find another relationship. There is no way this relationship will get to a healthy place, its best to rip the band-aid off and call it quits.
Sorry, but even children can not and will not force a man to want to be with you. You can co parent but that’s about it, it seems like him and you have had enough. And the fact that hes been sleeping around already regardless of your feelings tells me that’s not going to change. Him not putting his family first is crazy and I can not understand how as mothers, so many let their sons disregard their children like they dont exist. As a mother I’d be disgusted, and id be pushing my son to be a father and if not, id be doing what I could to contribute for my sons poor actions. Focus on yourself, dont worry about him. Focus on your daughter. And please for your sanity stop begging for him, that is making it worse because he feels like you need him and he is using it to hurt you. Please I know it’s so much easier said than done, but work on you and your daughters life. Forget him, when the both of you are physical it doesnt and won’t get better, sadly.
Sometimes love is not enough. I have an ex also. We have two girls. I loved him dearly and we didn’t even fight like you are saying you do. But we were young and couldn’t hold it together. Sometimes the best thing is to start over, because it takes more then love. And you say you don’t trust him. Trust is a very big issue.
Don’t put your baby and yourself in a toxic environment! Leave get a divorce it’s ok to do otherwise your child is going to grow up thinking that what y’all are doing is normal!
You both need to not be togather,move on
Move on you and your Dau.before more kids come along. The red flags are whipping in the wind Girl
You both need to just leave eachother alone. It’s not going to get better and neither of you are thinking about your daughter. She doesn’t need to be around this or see it. So leave him. Do it before one of you kills the other.
Leave he doesn’t want you. He is not going to change there’s someone else out there who won’t put his hands on on you and you on his you will be alot happier and so will your daughter that’s what he wants anyways you can’t make someone love you good luck
It blows my mind that you’re even asking this. Wtf end it. You’re both toxic and it’s only going to hurt your daughter.
I’m sorry for the language but are you dumb? He put his hands on you. Put that mf in jail where he belongs and move the fuck on
Put your daughter above your own insecurities and problems with him and both realize that shit isn’t going to work. All she’ll see and learn growing up is the wrong way to love and end up not knowing her own self worth, thats its okay for someone to treat you like shit because at the end of the day “you both love each other” Set the right examples for her and get yourself some help. Learn to fully love yourself more than anyone besides your daughter so when someone else comes into your life you know not to deal with this and also how to properly handle those type of situations BY WALKING AWAY. She deserves a happy mom and that’s not what it sounds like she has.
This relationship is as toxic as they come. You both have been physical with each other. That is ridiculous. You both have a child to worry about. Seems like you both need anger management. Really not wanting to come off like a bitch but you should probably put your child’s well being first before you get her taken away. It doesn’t matter if she’s been abused or not. If you are having this kind of stuff happen around her DHHS can come and take her from you both.
Don’t do this to yourself
Walk away dont focus on him just put all your energy into you and your child . You sound like your way to desperate , find away to support your self and your child . Find things that inspire you , life can be short live happy live a honest life.
Been through this and no child I asked my husband to come home. He had moved in with my parents. Very uncomfortable for me. Our marriage was not good but no yelling or throwing things. Leave or have him leave. This is not a marriage and horrid for your daughter! Just let go and co-parent . You can love and let go. It won’t get better Hon.
Fully raw and open, I’m going through something similar. I don’t feel valued because he constantly would tell me how much I need to lose weight and while we were separated he was talking to/seeing another woman who is much smaller than me and says he wants me to go to the gym and blah blah blah and he never seems to have a good time with me and rarely spends time with our daughter. I kept going back and staying because I love him and wanted a family with him but I truly have gotten to the point where I am not a good version of myself being with him. The biggest flaw I see is I can’t be the best version of me so I’m not giving my daughter the version of me that she deserves. I’m working on it and I’m coming to terms with it, I know it’s easier said than done. But walk away. As hard as it is, WALK AWAY. I hate that before we had a baby he treated me like gold. I got pregnant and instantly we started fighting and everything else. The fact that I still live with my parents, due to financial issues doesn’t help our relationship but if he valued me and my daughter the way he says he does, he would be around and he would be doing whatever necessary to make things work and stuff. I can already tell things won’t work and they don’t ever stay “good” for more than a few weeks before we slip back into the old crap and I got tired of it. I deserve better than that and so does our daughter. You deserve the world. You deserve to be treated well, at the very least with respect because you’re the mother of his child. If he doesn’t love his daughter like he should, his own flesh and blood, he’ll never love a woman like she needs to be.
it only gets worse get out while u can
I stopped reading after he put his hands around your neck. Walk away and get some counseling for yourself! This is not a family, this is not safe, and this is definitely not behavior your child should learn.
Better off leaving.
You’ll be alot happier in the long-term.
Sooo…why are you not signing divorce papers?
I think you already know the answer. I think he moved on and so do you.
Nope, you BOTH are bad for each other and rushed into getting married.
He PHYSICALLY ABUSED YOU but you’re more worried about him cheating…
Please for the love of God find someone more stable to raise your daughter before you royally screw her up for life
You guys aren’t meant for each other and dont bring your child up in a toxic house.
It’s not about you OR him. It’s about your child. And she doesn’t need to grow up thinking that that is what a relationship should look like. Period.
I dont understand why you’re still there. It’s clear he doesnt want you or your daughter. And as much as you say it or try to make yourself believe it you don’t want him either.
I couldn’t even finish it, U both shouldn’t be together!!! That little girl doesn’t need that in her life…
Sooo y’all got knocked up instantly after dating and now are putting a poor innocent child through bullshit cuz you couldn’t just leave it at a wam bam thank you mam. He hoed around, you took him back. He put his hands on you, you’re still with him. Kicking him out doesn’t change jack shit. You’re both psychos. Grow the fuck up
It sounds like you and your daughter would be better off without him, he abused you both physically & verbally, he has slept with how many woman( yes you were apart but still married) he doesn’t want to be with you and tells you that, What you have is not a family and your daughter will grow up thinking this is how a man should treat a woman, Please find the courage and leave, you and your daughter will be much happier. Get a attorney file for custody, a divorce and child support
You were both abusive to eachother in the past, you got councelling and say it’s different now, but he is probably having a hard time trusting you the same way you are having a hard time trusting him.
Your daughter deserves two happy parents, if that means you are away from eachother, then so be it. No one deserves to be raised by miserable people who are miserable because they are only together for the child.
A good way for you to find out what he really wants would be to file for divorce. If he loves you and wants to be with you he’ll fight it and try to fix things. If he doesn’t then at least you’ve removed yourself and your daughter from a very toxic relationship.
I would tell him if he wants to be with mommy so bad then go, you know you can do better dump the dead weight start dating and find someone who will be good to the two of you
1st off u deserve to get ur ass choked if u put ur hands on him constantly. No man should just sit there and constantly take that shit. Yall obviously dont need to be together period. Ur both aggressive and he already been fucking around. Just split and be done with it
Leave divorce and find a man who wants a family !!!
Ultimately you love the idea of being married and having a family. Neither one of you truly love one another or you wouldnt be doing this back and forth stuff or being abusive in any way, shape, or form. Stop worrying about your daughter having to go from home to home and start worrying about how things are right now will affect her in the long run. He clearly doesnt want what you want. It’s time to face to music, file for divorce, and learn to love yourself. You two are bad for one another.
Why would you want to be with someone like this
Girl, you don’t need to be with anyone but that child. Work on yourself. You need to be more important to you than a relationship with him, and right now neither you or your child are more important than that. It needs to go in this order FULL STOP.
#1 Your love and dedication to your child.
#2 Your love and respect for yourself.
#3 The affections of a man (and let me be REALLY clear) who treats you the way you 
expect:clap: someone to treat your little:clap: girl when she grows up.
