My husband and I live apart and I do not trust him: Thoughts?

Leave before someone is killed!!

I didn’t even finish reading this because I’m shocked at the lack of common sense in this post. You, girlfriend are narcissistic. He said shitty things to you? Tell him he’s got a small dick, DONT put your hands on him, kick him out then beg for him back. Shit I’d sleep with other people too, y’all were split up! Get off your high horse and move on with your life, seek therapy and do something with your life so that your child isn’t growing up in this BS. You’re BOTH TOXIC to each other and to that child. :ok_hand:t2:

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Don’t force this toxic relationship because you’re in love with the idea of a happy family or because you don’t want anyone else to have him. A year isn’t enough time to get to know someone properly and have a child with them. What you are discovering about eachother now is real. It’s not going to change. I’m sure you’re still young. Leave him and give yourself (and your baby) another chance at a happy life.

For your babys sake,walk away. If he put his hands on you once he will do it again (to you or the baby) and maybe next time he won’t be able to stop himself…or the next time…or the next time

Unhealthy for the child to be part of. Divorce tomorrow & hopefully agree on parenting time. Document everything & set bounderies. Start focusing your baby & yourself

Run for the fucking hills…

You do NOT respect YOURSELF. If you don’t respect yourself how can you expect any men to respect you?

You are teaching your daughter that this is acceptable behavior. Do you want her to grow up thinking that this is how men are suppose to treat her???

Divorce him, he’s given you all the signals, if he hasn’t changed by now he never will, why continue to hurt yourself by being with someone like that. You need a healthy relationship with someone who will treat you better.

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Be kind to yourself and your baby1❤

Why are u still married like wtf

Woman, stop forcing things…let him be!

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He’s not good for you and it sounds like you need to blame for putting your hands on him too! You aren’t a good wife if you are the aggressor and it seems as though you are.

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Why are you with a man like that
In the first place you never took

Time to check his back Ground out that is your fault

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What you are doing is showing your daughter it is perfectly acceptable for a man to treat you like shit.

Let him go . you and you little girl deserve better and it seems lile he does not want to be there for you guys . like he does not love you anymore.

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You really want THIS as an example for your daughter on how relationships are supposed to be? She is going to grow up seeing this kind of behavior and think it’s normal. If you don’t walk away for yourself then at least walk away for your daughters sake. There is no reason to be in a relationship like this when there are hundreds of people out there willing to treat you right!


Omg are you ok… Like how can you keep saying maybe he loves me, and what can I do to make it better, and I just really want a family :roll_eyes:
Well he doesn’t love you, it’s obvious so you are losing nothing. You need mental counseling and maybe meds and therapy to get your control issues and anxiety and self worth under control. You are both wrong to continue giving that poor baby this kind of life. I don’t feel sorry for you…I feel sorry for that baby. I can’t even pretend to concept your reason for staying and going back and begging him. You should have chosen better before you had a baby, YOU made a bad decision so correct it now and let that man go. You can’t have a baby to keep a man. You need to be alone and find yourself and better yourself so that your not depending on someone else’s value on you. And you don’t want to share the baby, to bad you choose him as the father 🤷. Get ready for her to call a new girlfriend mom, because you can’t control him or his life and what and who he is with. Again you made a bad choice and never truly had a family with him so start respecting yourself and see the reality here and stop chasing after a man who doesn’t respect you. Think of your daughter, this is not giving her a family. Crazy. Get help before you lose your baby.


My advice is you already know what you want to do. You just want other people to tell you to do that as well… All I can say is I won’t stay in a relationship like that. Especially after he puts hands on me. That would be it. Cause he would do it again. And if you guys do divorce I would be scared for my daughter and hopefully he would be different with her but that’s what I would be scared of

You said it over & over, he doesn’t want to be with you. A unhappy family with history of DV is no place to raise a child. She learns what is ok & not ok in a relationship. As yourself what would you ad a mother tell her if she was in a toxic relationship? As bad as you think it will be getting a divorce it will be worse not getting one.
File for divorce, ask for full physical & legal custody (the worst the court tells you, No). You are already on your own you already setting but you already have your own place.

My niece posted a quote on FB yesterday. Don’t let your Man of 10 years stop you from find the love of your life!

Why would you want your daughter to grow up witnessing such a toxic relationship? If he doesn’t want to be with you move on. You and your daughter will be better off.

You my dear need to go to a Dr. From reading what I did you show signs of depression. Tell the Dr what you wrote here. You are depressed and need medical help. Nothing to be a shamed of. Once you fix you… You will be happy again and he won’t matter or what he says. Please fix you first. Your daughter needs her mama.

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I’m not sure what the question is? This sounds like a toxic and unhealthy relationship that you need to be away from. Draw up custody paperwork with a lawyer amicably if y’all are going to have it casual.

Nope you are 100 % in a toxic .you call relationship do your self a favor and end it you deserve better or youre asking for it

Sorry I couldn’t bring myself to finish reading. You guys need to permanently split. You guys both have growing to do and your daughter seeing physical violence is not going to help her develop healthy relationships as she gets older.


I didnt even need to read past the fact he put his hands on you… BE GONE

Why you wasting your life on this looser. He clearly doesn’t give a sh*t so move on and do better for yourself. You don’t need him and neither does your daughter. Do you honestly want her to grow up thinking it’s okay to be disrespected by a man like he does you. Grow yourself some balls and do the right thing by yourself and your daughter and leave him behind and move on. Let him go be with his mother don’t waste your life on someone who’s clearly moving in from you.

You wasting your life…stop taking him back ,I promise you nothing will.change.i been there…file for divorce and childsopport…

Leave him and I am praying for you

You’re no better than him, you are both violent and toxic. Let go of each other ang grow up both of you. And work on yourself before you start a new relationship with somebody.

If you love your daughter be a mother and step up and do what’s best for her. LEAVE. One loving parents is better than two crappy parents

The answer is so obvious in the pain you just spoke of. Can your heart take being constantly broken? How will this affect your child? I would be done a long time ago. This is not a marriage. Let yourself be done. Your love and concern for him only buys him what he wants from you. Don’t let this taker take all you’ve got.

I could understand taking him back and trying if he was trying to be a better person but he’s not.

U dont have a family with him u never did
Ur not happy together and he destroyed so much. Bringing out the worst in u and nos u r abusive.
How bout stop taking him back cuz all ur doing is giving ur daughter a toxic lifestyle and toxic examples of what a relationship is

It never gets better. Leave and don’t look back. U have a child to raise and u don’t need them seeing anything terrible and thinking it’s okay and normal behavior. Leave and don’t look back

Oh honey you deserve so much better. I know it sucks that your daughter won’t have a family with a dad but I’m sure she would like to see her mom happy. That’s the most important thing. I know it’s going to be hard but get away from this toxic man. There is someone in the wings waiting for your love. Someone that deserves it. He’s taking advantage of you.

Toxic behavior will not change. Do not make excuses of this is partly my fault. This is about power and control and is not a good environment for your daughter. Are you going to wait until the next time he strangles you and you are in a coma or dead. If he truly wants to change then he will seek out counseling on his own without you knowing for a good long while. I would also suggest you go for yourself. NO ONE has the right to put their hands on you to harm. If he was out messing around did he get tested for aids or other general diseases? Why am I asking because my friend didn’t and guess what her ex is HIV. You are better than this and your daughter deserves better. The hardest thing to do is to take emotion out of the reality of your situation. Once you only have facts the decision is clear

First sentence said it all… didn’t have to read the whole thing. You don’t trust him… he shouldn’t be your husband

You should separate, divorce. Not good on child. You can work out something for visitation. But don’t need to be together

Let me tell you I went through this with my oldest son’s dad. Same stuff went on…he would be great for a few months then everything would go to shit again…i would be walking on eggshells in my own home … Lonely and desperate to get out…You know deep down exactly what you need to do…only you can make this decision…for me it was when his anger went from towards me to my kid … I can tell you life is so much better as a single mom…then being in a toxic relationship where you are always questioning your self… your daughter needs you to be mentally healthy… I wish you the best​:heart::heart::heart:


It is early now in your relationship. Why wait and be more unhappy? There are loyal and loving men out there that won’t make you and your daughter feel like 2nd best.

We guys need to accept the fact that neither of you are good the other and together you are not setting a good example for your daughter. He is showing her that it is okay for a man treat her like garbage and you are showing her that it is okay for her to treat a man like this. This isn’t love.


Here’s what you should ask yourself
Is this the relationship model you want to set for your daughter?
Do you want to model something better for her?
If so then as much as you feel you love this man you need to leave and find the love you deserve and the relationship model you wish to showcase for your daughter?


It takes two to make a relationship work, and it sounds like one of you doesn’t want to be there. Take his words at face value; your daughter needs a strong female role model, not a martyr.


I can’t even finish reading this whole thing just the beginning tells me more than I need to know. you need to leave this man and go your separate ways he obviously don’t care enough for you to respect you and once that respect is gone the relationship is over. now you’re hitting on him ?neither one of you have respect for each other, there is obviously no relationship and it will only get worse as time goes on you might as well do yourself a favor along with your daughter and leave the man. you don’t need her seeing this type of behavior and thinking it’s OK to allow a man to treat you that way it would just cause a pattern which is pretty sad


He choked you. That is one scary sign that this relationship could turn deadly. Women who are choked as an act of violence previously by a partner have a much greater chance of being killed by that same person than other battered women who instead were abused in other ways (grabbed, slapped.) Please reach out for help in your community for yourself and your children so that you can most safely end this relationship. I cannot stress enough how tragic this could ens up being for your family.


seems easy to advise but I haven’t lived this…seek council and put your child first as you truly don’t seem to have a marriage…God bless and pray hard

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Someone will love you the way that you deserve. Stop wasting your time and showing your daughter how to be loved the wrong way. It’s not going to work out the way you thought but that’s OK. Find happiness

I couldn’t even finish reading it. Too toxic! Move on. Limited to zero contact if necessary. No you cannot save this relationship.


Children would rather come from a broken than live in one! You are doing her and yourself a disservice. You are required to protect her. Leave him and start a new life


I am sorry to read this. :sleepy: I’ve been in a toxic relationship before and I am qualified to tell you that you don’t really love this man. You are insecure and have been made to feel as if you can’t live without him. Do what’s right for your daughter. Get yourself and her out of that situation before things escalate. Trust me, they will. It is better to do the shared custody thing than go on like you are. God bless you. Seek Him for what is best for you and your daughter. Your husband’s infidelity has freed you spiritually. So you owe him nothing. Best wishes.


Let. It. Go
Move. On
Its not healthy for your daughter, don’t use her as the excuse to stay in a toxic relationship. His actions and his words line up…he doesn’t want you!

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Walk away if he can honestly go be with someone else he has alot of growing up to do u are way better than him love urself first and good things will happen again walk away ur blocking ur blessings by staying

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As someone who lived this (not married though, no child) and made it out, please. Please leave. I’m begging you.
You want a family for your daughter and you can still give her one. You can be a happy family of 2 until you decide the time is right and you find someone who treats you both like gold.
I know it’s hard to think of yourself, think of your baby girl. Do you want her to grow up thinking that she deserves to be treated this way by a partner? If it was her husband what would you tell her?
You are so much better than this. Toxicity breeds toxicity. You will find yourself mentally and physically better off and the person you once were will come back once you free yourself.


This is a toxic relationship. Run quickly from it before your daughter gets old enough and she will think it’s ok to let men to treat women that way.


I got to the part where he put his hands o your neck and then you got back together. WTF? Leave and don’t look back, the abuse will only get worse.

Picture your daughter in the same relationship your in! Are you proud! No! Then leave!

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He doesn’t want to be with you. I think he’s stringing you along because you have a child together but honestly, in his heart, he just wants you to leave him so that he doesn’t look like the ‘bad guy’ for leaving his wife and child.
You’re better off if you mentally prepared yourself for a divorce and just move on with your life.


I feel like you know what to do already and you dont need us to tell you that you are in an extremely unhealthy relationship.

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You have stated that the relationship is TOXIC and that through counseling its some better??? But he’s still annoyed and. Would rather “be with his family(:eyes::eyes:)” why not release him to be with them on a permanent basis and continue personal counseling so that you can provide peace and stability for your daughter. Trying to hold on to him for the sake of your child is doing her a great disservice. Although he is her father his actions will cause her more harm thn good if you try to maintain this TOXIC relationship

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Girl that’s a stupid ? It’s time to get out and move on to better things

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Is this for real??? I didnt even read it all. I read what I needed to read. Why are you confused?? Why are woman willing to put up with this crap??? Do you have self respect? Do you want your daughter to have self respect??


It’s simple divorce! You can’t trust him and have a strong history of a toxic environment which is no way to raise a child!

Read this and pretend someone else wrote it and is asking your advice. NEVER stay with a man that physically hurts you.

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This man is a toxic mamas boy and you need to leave him

I went through that with my 1st husband he lost the best thing that ever happened to him 20 years later he now knows it id never go back im happily married second time around

Trust me if he put his hands on you once it will happen again. You dont want your daughter growing up around crap like that because you only teaching her it’s ok for men to treat her like crap. Move on with your life .

It’s not gonna work. Sorry. But think I f your daughter do you want her hearing fights name calling she will grow up with insecurities and fear. And immaturity places apart on both parties. I know it hurts but I see no good coming from this relationship. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be there. Best of luck honey. But love yourself and daughter.

you need to read what your writing. none of it is LOVE.


Sweetie you already know the answer… you have a child to think about…

It might be time to accept you are better as friends and let him spend time with your daughter and maybe do something together once and a while with her. Let her know you’re still friends but Don’t force a relationship that’s dead

HE left a while ago…🤷


You KNOW what has to be.


Run…don’t look back


Show your daughter better!

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Run away as fast as you can. The sooner the better.

Move on honey , you deserve better

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Leave, leave now, and NEVER go back to him.

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You already know what you need to do lady!When it’s over it’s over move on go learn to love yourself so when the time comes you can give 100 to a real ass man

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Move on
You deserve so much more :heart:

Leave !!! You and your daughter will be fine

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You don’t have a husband, you have a marriage license.

You are worth more and your daughter

Best to get the divorce before the marriage

Leave before it’s to late

Don’t bother you are asking for a lifetime of misery.

Sounds like you need some anger management classes and a divorce

He is bad news. He might even have an std, he is so gross.

Can we please get back to the actual memes and posts about MY HUSBAND IS A BLESSING instead of all of these stupid questions showing exactly the opposite and making the women look ignorant as hell!?

I’ve been married for 50 years. My husband in all those years has NEVER put a hand on me. Of course we’ve had our arguments. It’s 50 years for crying out loud!

But my advice is to get out. If he choked you once, he can and just may do it again. With deadly consequences next time. Then where will your daughter be? She would have neither parent. It’s better to be apart than live a life of worrying for you and her. Please get counseling by yourself. It will help you to make the best decision for you and her.

If you two have done counseling and it hasn’t changed things then you need to get out of the relationship. There are a million guys out there that think you ARE worth it, you ARE beautiful, you ARE wonderful, and they will be faithful to you and you can trust them. They won’t call you filthy names either. Sorry but your guy is a loser and he doesn’t love you and you can’t force him to. He is cruel and needs to grow up. He says horrible things to you so he can start a fight and be away from you to meet up with these other women. You deserve so much better and so does your little girl. Sorry, I am being pretty hard on you, but I am sending you hugs with it!

Leave. Red flag after red flag, now it’s a dumpster fire. I don’t understand why you’re putting up with this insanity. Run. Far far far away.

Having just got out of a toxic relationship myself, although our dynamics are different my ex was somewhat abusive too, but he would always say I was the love of his life and we split up multiple times in the 4 years we were together and I always took him back and things would be fine for a while and then we’d both fall into old habits. I too was dependent on him for a lot of things and was scared to let go. But I will say this, once he’s gone for good and you don’t give in the loneliness, you’ll see how much better off you all are. And things will work out in time! It’s definitely not easy though. Hang in there!

Stopped reading half way through, you are both toxic and you know it, both abusers too so she isn’t a victim here. He verbal abuse her and she physical abuse him :roll_eyes: I hope you don’t have a son. Poor lil girl you already have, imagine what kind of a mom she has :woman_shrugging:t2: if dad isn’t an example at least mom should be but baby girl has nothing but 2 idiots as parents.

Please tell me you don’t want him back?

Why are you asking? You know what has to be done.

Divorce him. Don’t throw away your life with a loser. You will get over him.

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Ok from personal experience I will tell you you need to leave it will hurt like hell for sure but here’s the thing momma as much as you want the family life for your daughter your teaching her how a man is supposed to love her by her seeing how daddy loves mommy think about it is this how you want her to be loved is this what you want her to be ok with is this how you want her to view love you see the thing is we set the boundaries for our children we lead by example ok so as she grows up seeing daddy treat mommy this way she is going to think it’s how it’s supposed to be so she then to will stay in the toxic relationship of her own she will lower her expectations cause they are low to begin with from watching mommy and daddy growing up sometimes love isn’t enough sometimes you just have to walk away I did I split with my ex and we raise our daughter together she has daddy weekends and mommy weekends and she is perfect with it if you do it little that’s all they’ll know so that’s what they are used to I split when I was 8.5 months preg she is now almost 5 and it’s amazing she has a dad and a step dad and she is perfectly adjusted it was the best decision I could’ve made because I didn’t want her to see the same thing your going through and if you both have been physical with each other that’s not what you want to show her you can love someone so much and still know that walking away is what is best to do always remember they are sponges they see everything we do and they learn from it lead by example and show her what love is supposed to be you will find someone to love you both the way your supposed to be

LEAVE!! your daughter deserves to grow up in a happy environment. She deserves to have a mother who is is in love with HERSELF!! And so do you mama!!
If you stay, you are teaching your precious daughter that she is to expect those things from a man, that that is what love is. Is that what you want for her?

Let me put this into a very REAL perspective. If this was a Q your daughter would ask, what would you tell her to do? If you don’t immediately say RUN, you’re lying. Find the good in goodbye before your child pays the price by thinking this is what healthy looks like.