Im a mother of 3 and im married to an amazing man. i think as times went by we became too comfortable and the compliments and love making faded away. i always have to initiate and most of the time im turned down. other than that he treats me well and i know he really loves me. a few weeks ago i went out on a girls night and happened to meet a younger guy at the bar. he was so good looking and charming and before the night ended he kissed me and i kissed him back. it was so wrong but this guy made me feel like i still had it and like i was still sexy even though ive gained a few pounds over the years. im feeling so guilty about it. i know it was wrong. i guess im kinda posting this to hear if anyone been in the same boat or well just any advice. please be nice
You need to be honest with him. And explain the situation. You can’t control the outcome after that, but if he decides to stay with you, you should both go to counseling. This would’ve been avoided by a long talk about how you both feel. Communication is key, especially now. Best of luck. 
You should try reading the five love languages together as a couple and bring back date nights you just tell him how important it is to you and try to do simple things even if it’s just at home together I hope things get better I know that feeling very well 
You made a mistake, we are all human. Being in your situation sounds tough. I would talk to your husband about your feelings, let him know that you miss the intimacy that you used to have. Give him a chance, don’t beat yourself up. And for sure don’t let the negative Nancy’s get to you. I’m not perfect, my husband of 20 years and I have had our share of fights and make ups and have come out stronger on the other side. Just be honest with yourself and him. Best of luck.
Think about how you’d feel if it was the other way around. What would you expect or want your husband to do about it?
You’re looking for sympathy in trying to justify your wrong doing. You need to tell him.
Marriage is HARD AF. What you did isn’t right and thats a major part of the guilt. I would own up to your actions- because everything always comes out.
I would explain exactly what you’ve said in this post. Marriages take a lot of work, communicating is key for it to be successful. Some counseling may do you well
Wow! The judgement in here is real. I have been there and done the same thing. I told my husband and I told him what I needed. We worked things through and are living our best life. You need to communicate more with him tell him your needs and if that doesn’t work try marriage counseling.
Wow. Y’all are brutal. I hope you and your husband take whatever paths are best for you both. Whether that is staying together or seperating. Tell him the truth and own it. Taking accountability and not trying to hide it will be the best approach!
I think this is a turning point you need to figure out what you really want and move forward accordingly
Did you learn your lesson? It’s what life is about. Forgive yourself if this is truly the only time you have faulted.
That’s what I would tell my husband if he made the same mistake. Gl.
I think doing that because you’re always rejected and feeling insecure is understandable, but it doesn’t make it right. I would tell him what happened and I would tell him why. I think sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship and always being turned down doesn’t feel good. It’s too bad you didn’t discuss it with him before doing something like that, but he deserves to know the truth and hopefully, if he’s willing to stay, you guys can work on that aspect of your marriage.
Sounds like you married a decent guy. Please tell him he deserves to know. He treats you well and really loves you then I think you should let him decide what to do from here. You have already made your choice now let him make his and you have to be ok with the outcome
It was a kiss, made you feel good. Move on and make date nights and special things with your husband if no response or sparks again then you have a big decision to make. You should always feel special and wanted.
So I’ve been married for 15 years. And the last 4 have been rough to the point we lived in different households. During that time I slept with my co worker. When we got back together I admitted what I did and we went to therapy. Marriage is hard. Idk if you told your husband or not but I would personally. Have a sit down and talk and let him know how you feel.
Your husband deserves better!! Even if the romance has died try to fix your Marriage with him/ talk to him first. So, y’all can decide the best options going forward, instead you decide with your grow ass to do that. If I’m the friends from the girls night I wouldn’t talk to you anymore.
You need to talk to your husband about it before the guilt eats you up! Y’all will have to figure it out from there and I wish you all the luck!!
I’m the odd ball here. Marriage is hard. You need to have a deep conversation with your spouse about how you feel. But I would not tell him because he is going to start not trusting you. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. I wouldn’t lie about if he asked you but I would definitely keep it to myself and never do it again as long as you two are together. If he truly loves you he will listen and improve your marriage.
Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment. Lust, excitement, the “spark” fades over time with whoever you are with… It’s all about communication…
Wow, loosing a spark in any marriage isn’t a reason to do what you have done. I’m most positive you’ll be upset at your husband had that been done to you. You don’t need anyone to tell you how lovely you are to feel good & sexy about yourself, you need confidence; which you don’t have if you looked for a guy to make you feel that way… It’s great to hear it from your spouse but just bc you don’t isn’t a reason to cheat on your spouse.
Sit and have a deep conversation with yourself you alone have the answer to your questions.
The grass is not always greener on the other side . A honest and open conversation needs to happen between you and your husband and go from there . Jmo
It’s really hard when you feel like your partner doesn’t find you sexually attractive and sometimes you can’t help feeling that way regardless of what your partner says. I do feel like you need to talk to him because your actions were wrong regardless of the situation, however I also feel like this can still be worked through if yall have a good discussion, maybe do couples counseling, maybe talk to a doctor about why he’s not feeling it anymore (it could be a medical thing, so many things affects your sex drive), if yall haven’t discussed it then maybe ask if his sexuality makes him view sex differently than you. There’s other ways y’all can be intimate if he doesn’t want sex if that’s the case. Regardless of what y’all decide to do, it does all come down to you needing to talk to him. Loving partners don’t want to make their S.O. feel unwanted… but loving partners also don’t kiss strangers at a bar. Meaning both sides have made mistakes and they all need to be discussed. Good luck, I really hope things work out in both parties best interests 
I have two questions. How did the girls you were with feel about it? If they applauded you the maybe they are part of the problem and you need to find new friends. If they scorned you then why are you asking strangers?
Tell him, will likely make him want you more. Especially if he is aware someone else wants you.
What happened to communication in a marriage? Marriage takes commitment and work EVERY day, if you are not happy talk to your partner. I do know that some couples can grow apart or feel more like roommates rather than husband/wife but that is never an excuse to cheat.
You need counseling with your husband about this and what led up-to this
Everyone is already stating the obvious…. But I know of marriages that have gone through counseling and reinitiating faith in God and it has worked. Let your husband know of course- keeping it hidden kind of shows that you are not apologetic or you don’t want anything to get better between you and your spouse. He deserves to get to choose his path he wants to take after he gets the information. Many struggle with intimacy at home- but the weight of a relationship should be shared and communication is extremely important. Pray to God and ask for guidance. If you aren’t a believer… you should be focusing on that as well.
Definitely let this be a learning experience. I wouldn’t tell him because it was just a kiss. It’s not cheating but you disrespected his trust. It would hurt him and he wouldn’t trust you. If you were out drinking with the girls and lost your inhabit-ions then never allow yourself to get in the same situation. Maybe you need to let him know that you love him unconditionally and that you miss the intimacy. Ask him to see a doctor for hormones if needed. Once you find out what the problem is then try a night alone with him. Do something kinky that he doesn’t expect? Maybe do a role-play scenario or buy some toys. Something to definitely spice it up.
Imagine reading this and it being signed by your husband. What do you think you would feel like?
I think you should be honest and tell him you are feeling rejected by him and why. If you don’t it could lead you to actually cheating because you feel rejected by him. Actually sleeping with someone else is going to feel way worse then just kissing someone else. That regret/remorse will eat you up inside.
A few weeks ago? You gotta tell him… He should have been told immediately but you can still make it right… Make sure you give him time and space to process his feelings afterwards. Be careful how you phrase what you say, so it doesn’t come across as you’re blaming him. Don’t use “you made me feel…” or “You weren’t doing, giving, making me feel, etc” instead use “I feel like there’s a wedge between us, I feel lonely, I feel out of place, I feel unloved or unwanted, I feel like the spark is missing between us… etc” because that’s going to make it worse if you tell him he made you feel so and so and explain that it’s because you guys aren’t taking time for eachother. Not that he’s not making time for you, but neither of you are taking time for each other. No pointing fingers. This is how my husband and I deal with our issues. We’ve never had a cheating issue but have disagreed on a lot of things and we always take turns expressing our feelings without playing the blame game. Also remember your husband isn’t the enemy and neither are you. The problem is the problem and y’all gotta come together to find a peaceful solution where you both feel heard, seen and accepted.
I think a kiss is just a kiss. And you should be honest about what happened with your husband. He’s probably not going to be cool about you going out with the girls anymore and there’s going to be hurt feelings but I don’t think it’s something you can’t work through. It was just a kiss from a stranger. I’ve had a couple random stranger kisses at the bar and while it’s always startling it’s not that big of a deal.
Marriage is work. It’s our responsibility to keep that spark alive. You should talk to your husband and see if there’s a way to work on this. Maybe he feels something “off” with you and thats why he doesn’t wanna be sexual. Communication.
Strike out the first part of the sentence that you seem to think is a reason to find yourself alone with another man and kiss him.
You kissed another man because you made a choice to. You may have a story of what led you there but you made a choice
I get that. I been there. But does your husband suffer from low testosterone. If so, get that checked out. Bc once he gets back in the mood you will be living your best life with Him. But do tell your husband what you did and why you did it. If he loves you he will get checked out and yall both will benefit from it. Trust me. It took 13 yrs for my husband to finally get testosterone shots, and now we are much happier.
I’m sorry but you were definitely wrong. If you’re feeling this guilty, maybe talk to your husband about it. Don’t blame him either because you made the choice to kiss another man. One of the worst excuses is “its your fault because you didn’t give me enough attention”…just own up to the mistake. Communication js huge in any relationship. Tell YOUR HUSBAND that you’ve been feeling you need more attention from him. If you talking to him about your feelings changes nothing, leave before you hurt him even worse.
You cheated instead of talking out the issue …
Honestly hope he leaves
If you can’t communicate your unhappiness, and work on your problems.
And if you can’t tell your husband your mistakes your marriage is doomed
You cannot lose that communication.
Hes going to be furious. But he may forgive you and want to fix your issues. He might hand you divorce papers.
But if you couldn’t tell him from the start you felt neglected I’d just start packing.
You aren’t happy. Life is too short to not be happy.
And that’s okay. Marriage is supposed to be for life.
But you aren’t supposed to be unhappy and break your wedding vows.
So if you must break the rules of marriage I’d choose leaving over adultery. Choose happiness
Instead of taking a girls night out, hire a babysitter and do something with your husband! You’re asking for more trouble if you go to bars without him. Go to a place you went to when you first started dating and fell in love. Fight for your marriage and don’t let it become another statistic.
I wouldn’t tell him because trust is broken and it’s extremely difficult to gain it back. He might question your every move, that will drive you both crazy. Learn something from this and tell him how you feel and yes , suggest counseling.
I think that’s a excuse to do what you wanted to do. Every marriage is work, I’ve been married for 26 years together 29( high school sweethearts) we raised 2 boys so wasn’t always romantic and time together alone wasn’t always possible. But we loved each other and made it work. Communication and trust is the foundation and you broke both. You should have talked to your husband not fall for a guy at a bar. What kind of guys go to bars and kiss someone right away? Not a guy that would love you like your husband. Obviously he was single, my point is you should have taken that time with your husband to sat this is what I need, to feel special and alive again.
You need to tell your husband and face the consequences… He sounds like a great guy and what you did was selfish and unfair. And he deserves the truth. I feel if he went and did this you would be livid.
Looking outside is not the answer maybe you need to look into counselling and find why YOU are so unhappy than you will know your REAL reasons and make a choice from there. But remember someone like your hubby is rare. Good luck!
We aren’t 12. It was just a kiss, just be honest with your husband.
Your a cheater(better then the first word to pop to my mind) You should tell him before he finds out on his own. Either way it’s going to hurt him and if he’s smart he’ll leave, but wouldn’t you prefer if it came from you not the grape vine? it will make sharing children even if divorced, probably a bit easier because even tho you did a horrible thing he can still trust you to be honest. Which I think when sharing kids is important.
That’s why when u married u should stick to ur vows I’m not pointing fingers but what if ur husband kiss another lady I don’t think it’s fair towards him as u say his a good man there are so many ways to rekindle ur love there’s so many ways to get that feeling attractive back from ur husband come on girl u will be loosing a good man over a simple kiss then u will meet a wrong guy an u will cry urself to death cos of simple mistakes not fair though 
theres so many ladies out there that cry over their husbands treatment towards them an here u have a good man appreciate dear there’s vultures out there
You need to talk to your husband about what happened. If you let it go, it could possibly go further next time.
It was a one off, tell your hubby how you feel,
As a man we should always show our women they are special, but I would sure hate for my lady to step outside of our marriage. You need to talk to him and be honest. Look into couples counseling.
Losing the spark is normal in marriage. The fun part is getting creative within your marriage to still have those moments and still give love when they are not. There are many mundane times in marriage because spending a life time together is going to have it’s up’s, it’s downs, and lots of boring times in between. Marriage isn’t about constantly being on cloud 9 it is commitment to eachother, especially through the boring times. Looking for the highs can be dangerous and addictive. You already know what you should do. The consequences maybe scary but he has the right to make his choice with all the information. It maybe a good time for you to start looking at how you deal with rejection and feeling unloved. This may help you to choose healthier methods of dealing with these things. Hopefully you can both openly communicate with eachother.
I think this is too biased of a forum to get some real answers. You’re dealing with mostly married or divorced women. I would ask somewhere where you could get non biased answers and less judgment. 
No.
You’re wrong.
It doesnt matter what excuses you try to use, you cheated.
If there were issues or problems, you should have spoken to your husband about them. Inform him of how you feel and give him a chance to fix it and make you feel better (also help him).
Long term relationships will always go through periods where the ‘spark’ isn’t as vibrant as it was in the beginning, but it’s both of your jobs’ to rekindle. It takes work sometimes.
Someone else will give you that burst of excitement because it’s new and they will put in heavy effort to get ya in the sack.
There are definitely ways to bring that excitement and newness into a relationship if you just try.
But now you have to face the person you promised loyalty to and admit to your mistake.
Dont play with fire you know what happens…it doesnt end well
How would you feel if your husband did the same thing? That’s an excuse to make yourself feel less guilty by putting the blame on him. Cheaters are the worst type of people.
My two pennies …you are not in this ladies shoes … don’t judge …one thing I have learnt never to say never …I love my husband am in love with my husband ,he treats me like the most beautiful woman on earth as do I treat him like the most beautiful man on earth and have eyes for him only …but what if he did not treat me as he does …always telling me I am beautiful, that he loves me regardless besides just taking care and providing for me …would I feel the same …or that something is missing …so I am sorry as I am sure you are , yes be honest and if love is there you will sort it out …I think that you love him that is why you are feeling bad and putting yourself out there to be judged amongst other things …not cool ladies. …
I would tell him but let it know that you believe it came from rejection and there was no emotions in it. You got caught up in the moment and made a wrong decision that you are truly sorry about
What can you live with? the lie can become truth and be a bomb defused or it can remain loaded and ready to explode
You kissed someone else to make YOU feel better and in turn will make your partner feel bad.
He doesn’t need to know about the kiss. Your husband need to know about the need to keep the marriage. Get couples therapy
The bar guy has “mistress advantage” it’s easy to make someone tingle for a few hours, not so easy to make someone tingle for a few years. The bar guy doesn’t have to talk about the bills and the kids and the lawn, nor does he have to work to secure your future and maintain your household. It was a slip up and nothing more. Don’t tell him. There is no reason to rattle his world to alleviate your guilt. You’ve justified your actions by saying he doesn’t give you enough attention. Leave it at that and work on communication in your marriage.
You wouldn’t like it the other way around. Come clean and tell him why you did it. With any luck he will understand and acknowledge his part. You were 100000% wrong BUT at least it didn’t go any farther.
The grass is NOT always greener! Don’t do anything. Seriously, if your husband treats you and the children well, stay with him. Talk to him and tell him what happened. Be honest with him.
I hope all you people who are stating keep it to yourself remember when it’s your spouse whose goes out & kisses some random. You guys are wild.
If he is making you feel like your not attractive anymore tell him that. And work on it. Or give up. Either way telling him you kissed someone else is only going to hurt him. Literally it helps nothing
Tell him if it makes you feel better but you better be prepared for a response you might not like hearing.
The grass is NEVER greener on the other side! Sit your husband down and have this serious talk like most of us have had to do because we love our husbands and a infatuation is SSOO much different than what you have built. Your just bored… time to make the change and include him in your feelings
Wow. It was one kiss. Keep it to yourself. Why open that can of worms.
- Never get married.
- If you are married and the so called love us gone. Get a divorce.
- Don’t get remarried
4 do what you want too. You’re an adult
pLeAsE bE nIcE 
you don’t deserve nice you cheater!!! 
You cheated on your husband , want us to feel bad for you so your blaming all on him . Own your actions
Is your husband a narcissist? If he is DO NOT TELL HIM!! He will NEVER let you live it down and he will use it as weapon to punish you and excuse all his horrible treatment of you afterwards. If he isn’t then tell him. Work through it.
Tell him. Wouldn’t you want to know. It might just bring back the flame between you two. Or you break up and found someone that doesn’t reject you either way your in a better situation. He might be a good guy but a good guy doesn’t reject you and make you feel unloved.
Be nice?? You just cheated on your husband!!
Kissing someone else is wrong but that doesn’t mean he should leave you. Wtf is wrong with these women in this group? Talk to him, be honest with each other. I hope you can work things out.
If your husband doesn’t know you need to tell him and not cheat again
" please be nice "
What you don’t want honest opinions on this. 
You know what you did was wrong.
I’m married and we have a 4,6,7,8 yr olds. And there’s no excuse to cheat!. As far as your husband denying you that’s b.s . There’s no excuse not to be intimate with each other. Other than the fact one or both partners don’t want to. If you want it you’ll make the time and effort. So he’s in the wrong for not giving you what you need as a women. But still no reason to kiss another man.
Never been in that boat, but talk to your husband. You should tell him what happened and be sure to let him know you feel unwanted and see if he would be willing to work on it. It might be good, it might be bad…but he deserves to know.
If this was a man posting this oh my would be be getting slammed. You failed to previously communicate than went out and kissed another man. Everyone saying it’s just a kiss you cheated on your husband. He could have low testosterone, he could be depressed and for all you know he’s feeling the same way you are. There is no justification here. He needs to know and I hope he leaves!
You didn’t lose the spark. You wouldn’t kiss someone else willingly while sober over just “lost a spark”.
I always tell the truth…
Did you learn from your mistake? If so, no one needs to know and don’t do it again. work on your marriage and your relationship. Grow together
Big deal it was just a kiss 
Take it to the grave. Man dont forgive cheating
You what what u need to do so just do it. U will feel guilty till u do the right thing
Do not confess…take it your grave it look seriously at what you want…put the spark back in your relationship with is help or ?? But Do not confess no good can come from it
…he will wonder everytime u go out…if u confess don’t do it
You are looking for pacification and enough strangers to tell you it was understandable due to his lack of ‘spark’ attention and to not come clean with hubby…or you already would have…weeks ago.
If you equate ’ nice ’ with lack of honesty and facts, that’s likely a big part of your problem.
Tell your husband what you did. Now. He deserves the basic respect to know and not have this injury compounded with the insult of a lie and being made a fool out of on top of it.
Running on feels and emotions about excitements and lust and zero communication lead to this.
Unfortunately, you were already all in for this… long before you went to a gin mill for a girls night out like you were single to have uninhibiting courage in a bottle to even accept an advance in a place that’s all about advances…if you are willing to be honest with yourself.
Emotionally mature married women with 3 children at home…don’t do this. They recognise an issue and address it, in the open with whatever resources they can find to do that.
You’d have a cow if your husband did the same. It was a selfish move.
Honest communication, seeking therapy, alone and jointly, and seeking other avenues to build erroded self esteem & confidence… this is what you do to manage changing and evolving in life and relationships. Your insight and expectations as to what marriage is made of and commitment is very skewed if a couple of drinks and the first schmuck available to play flirty kissy face had you at ’ hello '.
Come clean, with yourself first, husband imeadiately after that, and seek some professional guidance and support. Together if you can, alone if he refuses… which he may very well initially.
Adjust your expectation that he will do the ‘Insta Forgive’…just so you can feel better right away. That’s not fair and it doesn’t work that way. Its called a consequence.
He’ll need time to be hurt, angry, etc at learning of this betrayal. You have to accept his feelings and process time line without recalcitrance.
It will take much time and effort to re gain his trust…if you want it.
You may have to be in the dog house for a while. That’s what’s its for.
The bottom line is there is no justification for this betrayal on your part. If it had been years with no marital relations, it would still have been wrong to do this vs reevaluating your marriage and taking another course of action. That said, you aren’t the first and won’t be the last. Still, not a badge of honor or a pass.
Own it, be willing to make amends to husband and fix it if you can. If you dont, this will happen again, and worse.
It may be warning flag wrinkle you both work through to something better, or it may be the beginning of the end.
Only you 2 can decide that…while taking 3 children into consideration in the process.
Good luck.
Just have an open relationship poof and your happy.
It’s hilarious seeing the few women on here defending her talking about iT wAs A mIsTakE but if a man wrote this y’all would be crucifying him or if a woman wrote this saying her man was the one who kissed someone else y’all would be screaming telling her to leave asap, he’s a piece of sh*t, that’s a red flag, he doesn’t care about you, and blah blah blah 
but soon as it’s a woman who does this, iTs OkAy We AlL mAkE MiStaKes thanks to those women in here who are being truthful to OP, not justifying her behavior and telling it like how it is.
Nope!! Once l was married I have never kissed another man. Think how you would feel if your husband did that.
As if noone in this group has had an explicit thought of another man while married. If you have then that is cheating too. So all of you bashers should think about your judgment of others before responding. Everyone is human, we all makes mistakes, and throw the first stone to whom is with no sin. Ohh you can’t because we all imperfect.
Its only a kiss and if it meant nothing and just wanting to feel good about yourself, its still wrong, but sounds like the reasons behind it aren’t the end of the world and you still love your husband and don’t want to hurt him. Telling him will only hurt him unnecessarily. As long as you’re never gonna do anything like that again and realize your mistake, I say go love on your hubby and forget about it! You still have a wonderful hubby and family so forget it, move on, and DONT do any dumb stuff like that again!! Go get counseling if you unhappy…don’t get it from another guy! Learn from your mistake…learn just HOW much you will lose from wanting to feel good…its really selfish! Don’t risk it…you have SO much…don’t toss it away! Your kids, your family…hold onto them tight! Worry about how they feel as much as you do about yourself!
I get you and take this story to your grave. Your husband won’t forgive you. Rather plan date nights with your hubby and see from there.
It sounds like you’re husband isn’t attracted to you anymore. You need to talk to him about it. He may already be interested in someone else if he’s denying you.
You need to be honest with your husband. I don’t care what the excuse is, you cheated plain and simple and I’m sure You would be hurt and angry if he did it to you. One min he’s a great man yet you justify cheating because he has turned you away before. Not an excuse!
Keep this to yourself. It may have been what you needed to snap back into reality. Plan a trip for the 2 of you and work on the connection. If the spark is gone, one of you has to light the fire again.
Also don’t fall for the tricks of these younger men lol they look good but they not worth losing your family. They unstable and all over the place. Men can give you or tell you whatever you need so they can get you then leave. You have to make yourself feel like you still got it. That confidence will radiate to your husband.
You need to be honest with your husband. You cheated and sorry there Is no excuse. If u are not happy in the marriage, leave then have all the fun you want.
The Bible teaches us to not go by emotions for the heart deceives man. If man does what emotionally feels good and ok to them but God says it is sin then it is sin. Gods word never changes then or now.
“Pls b nice to me while I cheated on my husband” is all I’m hearing
if he did it what would you want him to do?
You’re a cheater. What would you want if it were roles reversed? Simple. He deserves to know. I don’t know what marriage means to you so if you want to justify it by it was a mistake that’s good for you. Oppsie whoopsies