My husband and parents do not get along

Needing advice my husband and my parents do not get along they control every aspect of us due to us living with them my husband left three weeks ago to get shit together and I know when I decide to leave it’s going to get ugly they have tried to keep me hostage before or my child’s belongings has anyone had luck with getting help to get out of a toxic environment? My husband couldn’t take it and left not in his right mind we have to work on our marriage but living in the house with my parents doesn’t help we were better on our own, they are pushing me to file for divorce and everything I am an adult I understand this but they are nasty when angry and will try to deliberately hurt us to keep me and my daughter here, any advice helps me and my husband are trying to plan this so I can get my stuff and just go but my mother never really leaves the house

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband and parents do not get along

It is time to cut the toxic cord, you don’t have to have them in your life if they’re emotionally abusive… Find a time that they’re not there and leave with your kids and belongings… Maybe your absence from their lives with encourage them to reflect and they’ll reach out in the future.

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Stuff can be replaced. It’s time to leave that mess.

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Leave when your mum is shopping just pack what you need then run

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You are an adult and in this time and age you gotta do what’s right for you and your family…especially a child…I have a 33 yr old that was in the same situation with me and years ago and we are better for it…that’s my experience anyway!!.. God bless you

Put the most important irreplaceable things in your car when they are sleeping, leave the rest and just go. Who cares how they feel you are an adult in charge of your own life. If you want the rest of the stuff you can come back with a police officer.

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Get them tickets to an activity they’d like to go to together and run like hell after they leave

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Call a domestic violence hotline. Your parents sound absolutely abusive. They will guide you how to leave safely and stay safe afterwards. Make a plan and get out. Then block them on your phone and social media and don’t give them info on where you go.

Get therapy to be able to deal with your past and learn to separate yourself from them & their influence. Once you are firmly out from under their sway, you might be able to re-initiate contact.

OTOH, I assume you are living with them due to financial reasons. What can you & hubs do to support yourselves? Do they want to control things because they think you’re bad parents who make poor decisions? Are you addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are the kids neglected?

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Start moving stuff out every day bit by bit when get chance. One morning just get friends to turn up with van to move larger items. Can your mama protest if no one else is their.

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Since technically you are a resident there you don’t need her permission to go in and get your property and the police will even escort you through

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Can you pack up and leave during the night??

Call the non emergency line for your local sheriffs office tell them the situation and how you would like to leave with all of your belongings without issues and they should go and supervise or escort it

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You’re an adult pack your things in their face with your husband by your side and leave.

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Feel this in my soul my moms the same way

time for you to leave and lead your own life. i am sure love you, but they did not own you. you are an adult, act like, of course this us just my oponion

Unfortunately you have to choose……. if your parents are that toxic, you have the answer right there. I married into a toxic family, but thank God I don’t live with them……. i can just imagine how your hubby must feel.
If them keeping your materialistic stuff hostage, and that is the reason you can leave, than you have to get your priorities straight!

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Toxic inlaws…take your husband and move if your parents don’t like or accept things for what it is then don’t look back. Seems they like control. Oneday you going to have to put your boss undies on.

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Just move it’s that easy take your things and go

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You said it.
You’re an adult. You have to cut the cord. By sticking around, you’re enabling their behavior - and, it will not get better in the future.

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The family you made should come before the family you come from. Stand by your husbands side & stand up to them.
Think of your child before them, he is her father.

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They are your parents have your husband their with you and move out! He is your life partner not your parents. Sometimes you have to cut ties to move forward with your relationship. The longer you stay prisoner to them the more damage it will cause on your relationship.

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Have the cops come and help

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Just take what u can then walk out. Stop staying where its toxic as ur daughter will suffer. Go to ur husband cut your parents out of your life till there behavior changes if it ever will

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Been in the same situation but the other way around. I have honestly just left most of my shit behind, packed what I could in my car and started over. It sucked but it’s just things and things can always be replaced.

You have to leave with what you can! Too toxic and your husband and daughter come first. Call police if needed. Don’t take this abuse . You are a grown woman. Don’t let them hold you hostage! Think about this. !!!

just leave. take your things what u can take and go. if they start shit call the cops. then after u leave dont look back and cut them out

I’m sooo sorry this is happening to you. I’ve been in situations where I felt similar and had to literally become a step ahead of the crazy. Start getting things organized and start making it “look” like they’re “talking sense” to you. Meanwhile, make your escape plan and execute it while you’re out ‘having lunch with a friend.’ You don’t have to take everything, just take what you absolutely need. Start putting stuff in the trunk of your car and when you leave, don’t look back.

A house isn’t built for two families

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How old are you are you sure you’re an adult

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I don’t get a long with my mil

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Start packing your stuff.Have it completely ready to go.Call the cops to help you remove all your stuff and leave.And dont ever look back.

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You have to stand your ground leave .not fair on you or your husband .this is going to end badly you need to pack up and leave .get your husband to come so they cannot keep you there .they just want to control everything you do .so toxic .

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Toxic parents
You need to move out
I know been their
They will pass away
Your kids will have their life
And you will be alone
So you know what you need to do . Just need to have faith in you and do the right thing for your family

Leave with nothing say tour going to store have him meet yoi down the street then call for a police escort to retrieve your belongings

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How old are you? 10? Put your big girl panties on, state your position get your child and get gone.

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Walk out , you can always replace items –

Everyone on here who is telling this person to just leave because it sounds like a toxic environment. Keep in mind that you are only hearing one side of this story, she has a child and is living in her parents house. Apparently there are extenuating circumstances for this which the poster did not go into great detail. The poster states that they deliberately hurt them to keep her and her daughter there. Is this actually what is happening or are they just concerned for their daughter and grandchild and this is just how the poster is feeling is happening? If you live with someone who is attempting to help you, could it possibly be just normal rules in place to maintain peace and keep them safe in the home that the poster feels is controlling? None of us know so to tell her to take her kid and run for the hills is not good advice. Her husband is a grown man and if this is truly a toxic situation and cares about her and his child then he will do whatever is necessary to get them their own place. He could be living on the streets with no job or addicted to drugs or alcohol…none of us know all of the details. Would this be a better situation for a female and a young child? I don’t believe so and if he isn’t willing to do this, she needs to keep herself and her child safe. If this is truly a toxic situation, it would be better for her to talk to someone about assistance, but they can’t expect to live in someone else’s home as grown adults and live by their own rules if that means that they will be disrupting the peace in the home if the rules in place are not off the wall crazy. Again, they are adults with a child living with someone else, there has to be a reason for this and we don’t know all of the details, but I hardly think that they are being kept in the home like prisoners against their will. Most parents want to know that their kids are safe and wouldn’t be against them living on their own with their grandchild, but apparently they are not financially independent enough whether there are legitimate reasons behind this or not none of us know or they wouldn’t be living with the in laws.

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Call police to help you get your stuff out then get a restraining order.

Dhe can’t hold you hostage .that’s considered kidnapping in some states ! Pack your stuff and call a cop!

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Put your big girl pants on and move out it’s that simple your an adult

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Put on your adult gitchies and leave. Holding you hostage is kidnapping.

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You sound like you’re about 16

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Leave without it. Just go.

Do it when they are asleep

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Leave. You’re an adult.

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Slowly start taking a little bit at a time. And moving it out. Call the county the should have something like a homeless voucher for a hotel maybe. Get to ur resources and utilize them. Hope things work out

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Can you call the police to have them let you take your stuff out of there without your parents being able to do anything?

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If y’all have a lot of friends have them show up together with boxes and help you pack. If your mom causes problems call a cop to help you.

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You need to leave. You are allowing them to destroy your marriage by staying. Get all of your important papers together and out of the house. Start packing what you need to leave immediately. They can’t keep your things legally but you may need to fight back in court to get them or just lose them entirely to be done. Get into therapy immediately by yourself so you can work on standing up to toxic bullies, if you guys are working on your marriage then get into marriage counseling. And cut off your parents no one in your family sees them unless court ordered. Save your kid from growing up in that environment.

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As a parent, I would love to help support my son law…not. I was young once too. My mother was that toxic parent. Only in hindsight, Inow realize she was worried and afraid for me. Her love for me was disguised as toxicity. Make sure she hasn’t a valid point.

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Why can’t you just pack and leave and go live with hubs wherever he’s at? Worst case go to the cops, explain that if you try to leave they will hold your childs stuff hostage and you need an escort to get your stuff.

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Here’s the thing, whether or not your parents don’t like your husband, that’s the person YOU chose. Only you know how good (or bad) you guys are on your own. It’s up to y’all to work on personal issues and healing together, as a unit. They need to respect that by voicing their concerns directly to both of y’all, and leaving y’all alone to process what they said. Anything more than that is toxic. Doing little manipulative things to try to get you to break up? Toxic. Constantly planting ideas in your head? Toxic. Bad mouthing him in front of your child? Toxic. Bad mouthing YOU in front of your child? Toxic. Just leave.
I know because this is literally my situation and we are leaving. Stephen Danny

I’d grab the essential, your id and child id and then a couple outfits for her and leave. All materials can be replaced. I’ve done this before

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Do it while they’re asleep or call the cops.

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You’re a grown married woman, get your stuff and leave…Sounds like it’s time you started acting the part before your marriage is ruined forever…If necessary call the police…

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Take stuff out when she is sleeping. Little at the time and the important stuff. Orrrr just call the cops when you want to leave so she has no choice but to let you take your stuff

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So if your parents bought the items, said items are not yours or your childrens per se. If there is a battered womens shelter in your area they will provide you and your children with a safe and secure place to stay and necessities/vouchers to begin replacing items. Material items are all replaceable

Why are your parents toxic ? Is it because they are trying to straighten your husband out ? If I were you I wouldn’t burn bridges with my family. You may need them again if things don’t work out for you two. First thing I see is your husband shouldn’t even be living with your parents. I don’t think your parents are required to give him and you a place to stay. Play adult games actually requires you to be adult

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I don’t understand why you’re letting them tell you what to do grab your stuff and leave they can’t make you stay.

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What is their concern? Is there more to this than is shared here? Why would your parents deliberately try to separate you, harm you, hold you hostage? This is not doubt, I am just curious? I had a somewhat similar situation when I turned 18.

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You can call the cops. Tell them your situation and need help leaving.

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Walk out the door your an adult problem solved

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If you have a place to go you can literally just call the police to come out while you get yours and your child’s things and leave. If you’re over 18 she can’t stop you from leaving and can’t keep your things.

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Not sure we are getting the whole story?

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Document EVERYTHING they are doing that is toxic, if possible slow start taking your child’s belongings to a storage unit. That way your child’s things can’t be held against you and when you go to leave call police for an escort from their home. Once away file a personal protection order against them with the documentation.

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Ask her out to lunch and have your husband go retrieve your things while y’all are gone. Also calling the police may make it to where you can’t get everything. I’ve seen multiple times people went through this and the kids only allowed them to get their clothes, shoes, and hygiene products. If your parents say anything else like furniture childrens items or furniture that aren’t clothes shoes or hygiene products the police can’t force them to let you take it.

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And I’ll bet you anything if we spoke to the parents they would tell a different story :100:

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Punctuation is critical :woman_facepalming:

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I am confused - if stated you are an adult, which means you are able to leave at any point. Sounds like you and your spouse need to figure out marriage. Many times (not always) parent see things we don’t and there concern or dislike usually is rooted from something. Maybe you need to talk with them

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If you need to get you clothes, have the cops come with your husband.

You’re an adult, you can leave even if it makes mommy mad. You’re choosing to let her act like this. Stand up for yourself and your husband. Where did he go? Why not go where he is? If not there, anywhere else to go? You’re not a child being held hostage, your an adult that can walk out just like he did.

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Youre an adult, pack your fkn shit and leave they can’t stop you. And if they try call the cops.
Simples.

People do what you allow them to do to you. Even parents. You are an adult. If you want to be with your husband, take your things and leave your parents house. If you are afraid that there will be some kind of dispute or that your mother will keep your stuff, call the police and they will come with you to get your things and so you can get safely out of the house. Sounds like your mom is very controlling and possessive over you. Good luck!

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Materialistic things are replaceable, you and your child’s lives are not. Please just walk out the door with her. You can always return with a constable to collect your things.

I really feel like there’s a few different sides to this story and I don’t think we are getting the entire picture

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And social media is why adults don’t adult. Get up and go!

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You know what you need to do to be happy and your the only one who can find the courage to do it.

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Stand up for yourself and your family, because I absolutely believe you. Its hard to be in the same house with parents, especially with your own family there as well. Toxic relationships are the worst and if it ever gets really bad, leave. If you have any way to leave please do it. You will be so much happier but sometimes financially we can’t and I understand. Been there ! The best advice I can give is stand up for yourself and especially your baby. Your family is way more important. Oh & document or record everything.

A lot of people are asking for the full story so here it is, I’m 23 years old I have made poor decisions in my life but no my husband is not on drugs, he does not beat me, he’s a good dad and he works full time. During Covid we fell behind and got laid off our jobs so we went to stay with my parents, in the past they have done some insane things. I was under the impression they changed for the sake of having a grandchild in the home. My parents have hated every mad I have dated and especially my husband because he does not like to be controlled and will voice his opinion respectfully. I have felt unsafe to leave due to previous events in the home when leaving. I am a grown women I understand that but when you have someone watching your every move, knowing if you spoke to your husband on the phone or they caught you texting it would get physical. I did not want my child to see that I made the mistake of going back and trusting them, my husband makes good money unfortunately every time we tried to move I was told they needed the help financially( we paid them every week over a grand). So I felt bad and stayed, so yeah they may have a different story on the subject but neither of us are bad parents and we do the best for our daughter. My friends since I was in highschool even tell me my mother is bipolar and needs help because she has always had to have control over everyone. I made a clean break last night while they were asleep, my anxiety alone is proof of the mental abuse in their home. I know I do not have to explain myself but I was rushing to type this message in the bathroom so they would not see it at the time.

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Some people do fall on hard times and sometimes live with parents or grandparents, or some type of situation where they have to improvise. Don’t judge. :unamused:

If you have a place to go, call the police to escort you out. Pack everything, all of it. When the cops show up, leave. They can’t legally stop you.
That said, do they have a valid reason for being upset & acting like this? If he’s abusive, you need to divorce him. If not, 100% call the police.
When you’re gone from their home, IMMEDIATELY get a restraining order against them. Especially for your child. Change all your phone numbers. Halt all contact.
Then, you, your husband and child have got to get into therapy. It’s time to do the work and heal.

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If you live in your parents house… it’s their rules you live by. Sounds like you & your husband aren’t living how they’d like. Get your own place. Try couples counseling.

Show up with a cop to grab your stuff and just leave. Sounds like your parents are just being crappy all around.

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Leave your “stuff” and go! This is domestic abuse and your parents are the abusers. The other alternative is call the police and ask that they wait outside for you to get your belongings. Staying in that environment will harm your kid- and yes, dcfs can take your kids based on what’s happening in the home, amd your parents actions- I’ve seen them so it

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Might be shady, but schedule her a hair or nail appointment and bolt while she’s out.

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WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING STILL LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS? You are now an adult. Your husband deserves better.

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Girl, leave barefoot and with just the clothes on your back if you have too. Get out of there. And never look back. How did you end up living with them in the first place? You can start over! Don’t ever think you can’t. Things are just things. The only thing that matters is your child Get her and go!!!

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You said your husband left for 3 weeks to get his stuff together. Sounds to me he has issues and your mom is looking out for your best interest. I have been there your mom needs to let you go then maybe you will understand what she was fighting for.

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Don’t know the whole story
If you have a place to go. Go
Then get a court order and police escort to get the rest
Or take extra clothing possessions with you every trip and put it elsewhere. Necessities
They really can’t keep you from leaving unless there is another issue. Pack and leave. Get the other things later

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You and hubby plan it for during the night. Leave your parents a thank you note but get out.

You are an adult and that is your child. They cannot force you to stay or keep your belongings. Pack up and leave. If they start to get nasty or violent in anyway call the cops so they can help you leave safely. Or go out one day and get a cop to come back with you.

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Sounds like your parents are control freaks. I would get out of there as quickly as possible with my child!!!

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Sounds way off here.You’re living with your parents who are “toxic”,your husband left you in this situation three weeks ago but You’re working on your marriage? You act like you’re kidnapped and somehow can’t just leave?

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If you want to be treated like an adult you have to act like an adult, set them down and talk to them as an adult, The fact you are an adult child living in your parents house is one thing, there’s nothing wrong with that but there has to be boundaries the parents have no right to get involved in your marriage. (Just like your opinion about issues in your mom and dad‘s marriage that doesn’t matter either.)

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Slowly start moving out your thi.gs little by little whem they arent home. And just disappear one day.poof

Make sure you take all your belongings once you leave because you can’t go back unless the parents allow you to. Not sure how you want to handle leaving its kind of a touchy situation it being your parents. I guess it depends on whether or not you plan on having a relationship with them in the future. Not sure why you chose to move in with them to begin with in my opinion this wasn’t a good idea. It’s hard for 2 families to live under one roof. Sounds like you and your husband need to step up and get your own place if not for you but your child since they don’t need to live in a toxic lifestyle.

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Do they attend religious services? If so, move when they’re there.

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