Hey, I’m not even sure what to say, but I need some advice. I’ve been with my husband for five years, and we’ve been married for 3. We have a 3-year-old and one on the way. There was only one other time I had seen his private messages. But today I just happened to get on his Snapchat and was going to post a selfie of myself. On his Snapchat story. So I wasn’t gonna even look at his messages, but I decided to and this girl I guess he’s been friends with on there for a few years now. It’s actually one of his buddy’s sisters. Well, I open his messages to her, and you can only save a conversation if you want to on there. He had commented on a picture I’m assuming she posted on her story, and it was her in her underwear and bra with a shirt pulled up so you could see her stomach a full body picture. I’m sure you can imagine. Well, he saved her picture on their conversation and commented to her, “why don’t you send me these?!” Practically just a bra and underwear picture. We have a whole life together. I feel very disrespected and hurt. I’ve never talked to guys the whole time we’ve been together. Never disrespected him like that in any way. I love him very much. But I’m feeling very hurt about him telling this girl to send him pretty much almost naked pictures of herself to him. I’m his wife; this is completely infuriating and hurtful. What would y’all do? I’m not even sure what to say to him. Soon as I say something, he’s just gonna acted pissed I was looking at his messages with this girl. And ignore the real problem.
This is so complicated and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t even imagine. I’m such a trust person in marriage and I’d be absolutely done.
Put his ass out hes cheating or planning to.
Yea that would be it for me.
I’d leave my husband over this but only you know what you are willing to put up with
Tell him to go eat shit
Better tighten that leash and set his butt staright!!! It may get harder before it gets better.
he clearly doesn’t respect you or yalls marriage. Leave.
Well your his wife? So if he gets upset then he should be upset with himself. A real man will apologize and know he’s in the wrong and change for the better of your relationship. If he wants pics of other girls then maybe he should be single.
Nope, that would be a deal breaker for me. He should have more respect than that for you and your relationship together. Who cares if he gets pissed that you looked through their messages. He shouldn’t have things to hide to begin with.
Leave him. I could not handle being with someone who has cheated on me and I have made myself clear with this relationship what cheating is. If you have to hide something then you’re cheating. Period. If you do it in front of me then dont do it behind my back. In my experience if a man is asking for pics it always leads to something more. I know some will disagree but that’s my opinion.
Nope… don’t let that shit slide because if you do it’ll happen again after he feels you’ve gotten over it
Send him a picture of you.like that.he will know u saw it.hes wrong too that confront him
I’m so sorry this is happening but please know this type of behavior never changes. If you stay you will end up teaching your daughter she deserves less than what she’s worth and if you have a son he will grow to believe this is how women are to be valued. I know because I left to late. God bless and keep you because the road isn’t easy either way all you have to decide is when to start the journey.
I would say something. Even if he gets mad or not. That is unexpectedly. And I would say something to her as well.
LEAVE. Trust me, its not just messages. And its probably not even the first girl. Sorry But you dont have a life with him… he is just in yours. Someone who can do that is not trying to build a life. It will get worse if you dont leave.
I honestly didn’t know adults used Snapchat
I’m so sorry your going through this and the fact that you already know he’s going to just steer the conversation from the real issue makes me sad I’ve been in your shoes with that and it didn’t work out just got worse and I put myself through more pain than needed. I had to leave that cheater so my advice would be leave they dont change
You took his phone to post a snapchat selfie on his story? That’s fucked up.
I have experienced this in the past with my husband before we were married and I set ground rules for if he wanted to be in mine and our kids lives. It’s been years since anything has happened again but it took working together and finding out how I could help him instead of him going to other women. Its usually an emotional problem but everyone is different. You definitely need to talk to him and I highly suggest counseling especially if he just gets mad and acts like you did something wrong because for one nothing in a married relationship should be private because that means the one having privacy issues has something to hide. That’s also a major red flag that he could indeed be cheating. Communication is key. If he won’t man up and do what he needs to get himself straight then I would definitely leave him because no one deserves that kind of manipulation and abuse.
That’s a deal breaker for me. I couldn’t deal with my boyfriend asking for pics of other women. That’s disrespectful and rude. I know it’s hard because you have kids. You decide what you accept. Can you deal if he keeps going it?
You both have the right to be upset. Has he done this before? How are things between you? Maybe he’s bored? Dont get me wrong, im not making excuses for him, we just dont know everything to this story. You can get through this, if he’s honest with you with his reasons why he did it. If he has done this before, i’d leave. Just make sure to leave on a good note for the sake of the kids.
If you have somewhere to go, I’d say scare him by packing up your bags and taking your kid with you for a few weeks…till he learns a lesson. But be prepared if he ends it and doesn’t chase you. He needs to be brought to his knees …some men need the harder lesson especially those who twist the narrative and want to blame you.
That is literally cheating. I wouldn’t feel bad at all or let him get pissed for you catching him. Imagine what goes on that you don’t know
I would just leaving . I know my worth .and I wouldn’t give him a second chance . I would just end it. Because then there’s trusted issues. I would just leave and end the relationship. Be with someone who will treat you right and who would do so much better than him.
Let him make it up to.you, then…
Take it from there
How’d he like the shoe being on the other foot ? Ask him that .
Go with your gut feeling because I’m 100% sure this is not the 1st girl. Your hurt because your instincts know what he’s really doing and your heart doesn’t want to believe it. Married or not he’s hitting on girls behind your back. Imagine that girl is not sending him pics because no girl wants a cheater. Don’t be that girl that accepts it.
And he’s going to get mad and lie that it was only one time…if you want a cheater the rest of your life then by all means stay with him. You deserve better
i’d say, time to walk. i’m sorry mamas
It’s called gaslighting leave this dude
Prob not what u wanna hear . If this is just the start I’m sure there is plenty more and will continue to escalate.
I was in a similar position to you and I can guarantee you he wont stop. I put up with it for 6 months , I thought just messages etc but when I investigated further he was actually in a relationship with a woman from his work. That was just the beginning.
Leave now is ur best option. Best thing you’ll ever do . save yourself and kids the pain
I just went thru something similar today, cept I found pictures that were much more explicit than undies and bra.
Theres no way its the first girl. Run.
It’s a form of cheating. He is going to flip it and make you feel bad for snooping. Tfb (too fucking bad). Own up your wrong doing. But he has also cheated in a form…sure could be worse, but it’s heading that way. You have some choices to make. Can you trust him now. Maybe therapy. Good luck girl
Of he gets angry when cought girl run he will keep doing it
He was in the wrong!
Snapchat = cheating. I’ve only heard horror stories
I’m sure you’re devastated by this. You’ve got to let him know that you know. I would’ve exploded! The fact that you’re not sure what to do,or how to go about it really concerns me. I know you’ve been completely caught off guard by this,but you can’t let him get away with it. That would be like laying down, for him to walk all over you!
Start saving money, and have the baby first, by then you will have had some time to think about what You really want to do. God bless, prayers for you all.
That’s a deal breaker for me.
This is how affairs start…
That IS cheating or trying to IMO.
He would have a right to be upset about you not truating him IF he were trsutworthy but clearly he isn’t.
I would confront him and don’t let him turn the tables on you. While I don’t believe someone should be constantly reading your messages etc generally people who have nothing to hide won’t freak out or get pissed if someone does it when they are feeling insecure (as long as its not a ongoing constant thing). If I start talking to a male frequently and my husband is uncomfortable with it and checking my phone reassures him then no biggie… unless it becomes a controlling thing.
He is in the wrong. Tell him, if he wants to be with her then he can leave.
Same thing happened to me. 1.5 year old and one on the way. I decided to stay and a few months later after the baby was born, I caught him again. I decided to leave, thank God. It was tough and I started over with nothing as I was a stay at home mom. I made it work and I’m so much happier now!!!
Please leave, no one deserves this!
That’s a deal breaker for me. I could never trust him again. There is no respect here on his part.
He better give and explanation or tell him your going to get a hold of that bitch your self if you can
Been there done this with someone a million times. It keeps going and going. It may stop it may not and you will wonder every single day everytime he looks at his phone “is that her hes talking to” confront him! See what he really has to say. He cant deny it you have already seen it. He didnt delete it, and he left his phone out. Hes not a sneeky person. Good luck to you. This will be very painful.
Dealt with this type of behavior for seven years hoping it would get better! It only got worse and now I regret wasting those years…
I would be done. Where there is smoke , there is fire
Kick his trashy ass to the curb. Done. Know your worth.
his cheating confront him
Confront him about it and tell him if he does it again, there will be consequences. After you have that baby, get into the best shape of your life, be the sexiest bitch you can be and leave that asshole if he continues his behavior.
My ex husband watched porn and I caught him once and asked him why… his response, “Well, she looks like you”… Keep in mind, we had a good sex life and made some sex tapes together before. Anyway, I was totally surprised and came to the conclusion, men will be men and they’ll always look. Be hot and sexy for yourself just in case you have to bolt because of it.
i would demand snap chat be deleted n he stops talking to her blocks her on everything. or id b gone
snapchat is for lil kids anyways. adults having snapchat is just creepy
He broke the commitment. If you condone this type of behavior he would keep repeating his actions.
Get a new man that doesn’t do you like that. Best of luck to you
I would make sure I had a good chunk of money saved up so you know you could stand your own if you decided to leave. I feel like you didn’t trust him the moment you decided to go into his snap chat and post a selfie of yourself. That’s probably your intuition kicking in that somethings not right and that’s why I say save up some money and continue to follow your intuition. You know what the right answer is.
Thats how it starts. If you keep letting it happen hell eventually cheat. Speaking from alot of experience.
The fact he asked her why she hasnt sent him “these” pictures, sounds like she has sent him pictures before.
Sounds as if there is some history between them.
That’s only one conversation you actually got to read. How many more did you miss? I couldn’t and didn’t do it anymore so I’m single. Was tired of babysitting instead of being a gf. It truly sucks. I’m very sorry.
Talk to him. Let him know how you feel and what he did was serious. If he gets angry, you know what to do. What if you didn’t see that conversation? What’s next for them? He did it once. He might do it again.
If he acts pissed off that tells you a lot especially if you already how he’s going to behave why stay with a man who doesn’t care about your relationship or respect you your to good to allow a man to cheat on you or disrespect you
He is way too comfortable sending another female messages like that. I’d be done. I know easy for me to say but you’ll leave when you’ve had enough
I’ve dealt with too many shit boyfriends like this. Those actions will continue and only get worse if you let it. Ask yourself if it’s worth it. I’m sure he wouldn’t be okay with it if you did it so it shouldn’t be okay for him to do things like that. If he’s acting like he’s single let him be single!
I’d suggest counseling together, and maybe counseling for yourself… it might help you realize your worth. I’d also speak with a divorce attorney so you know your rights. They will normally do a free consultation. It doesn’t mean you’re getting or need to get divorced, but you should know all of your options.
The real question is what haven’t you caught? I’d leave him and tell him to hit her up because he clearly doesn’t care about you, the pregnancy, or your kids.
Let’s just say he obviously don’t give a fuck about you…Not meaning it in a rude way…Men are so selfish…He wants to act single and still think he has his wife kids and house…leave that alone mama…I was married to a man like this for 13 yrs…I got up and left 3months ago and never looked back…I will never allow a man to make me feel this way ever again…Its a shitty feeling…and if you just brush it under the rug…It might continue…Know your worth beautiful mama never settle for this type of bullshit…
You have to confront him but keep it calm and collective. Don’t get into a big blow out because he will turn it into one then he can walk away mad. But if your calm, it’s harder to storm off.
He’s already emotionally cheating
I would plan on moving on. Sounds like it may be more. Once they start it they will continue if you allow it. So prepare for the worst and hope for the best but don’t put up with it. You deserve better! Prayers
This happened to me. I found similar messages to multiple girls, it continued to escalate and he cheated on me. I saved up enough money to leave.
Been there, unfortunately if it’s happened once it’s probably happened before and will continue to. I do believe people can change but in my case there was just too many chances given and too many fuck ups followed.
Nope bye. Dealt with a man who thinks messaging other women and wanting there pussies isn’t cheating it is. Saying omg I’m sooooo in love with your ass. Cheating. He wants to flirt and talk dirty with other women Move on. His attention is else where. Havent been on snap in a long time but you cant save conversations.
Awe hell no! That sounds like there is way more to that anyways, time to start digging lady and then bury his ass!
Definitely confront him about it, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get tested incase he has been cheating. It’s your choice to stay or not, but it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone you dont trust.
Who cares if he gets pissed! You have EVERY right to be pissed!!! So disrespectful, and I would address this sooner than later! And i hate to say it, but if there’s one pic of him asking…I’d almost bet there’s more. This is the last thing you should have to be dealing with. I’m very sorry.
Regardless whether or not you confront him, it won’t stop here. This to me is a form of cheating. He’s taken your trust and broke it. For her to do something like this, knowing he’s married (I’m assuming she knows as he’s a friends sister) she’s just as much to blame. Both are completely at fault. As for your husband, I’ve seen this before, he won’t stop at pictures. Please don’t waste anymore of your life on him.
Extremely disrespectful in every way… Im so sorry that happened to u and while being pregnant… If u feel u can talk to him and believe he won’t do that any more or feel like u can trust him then work it out but honestly i couldn’t get past that…
Boy bbbbyyyeeeeee… that’s what
Never been in the situation myself but are you ever going to be able to trust him 100%? I believe a relationship is built on trust… you deserve the world, so don’t settle for anything less
If it’s something he has to hide from you then he’s doing the wrong thing, this would break my heart, you have every right to be upset, I’m so sorry this happened to you
It seems to me that he thinks that doing this is okay and ITS FOR SURE NOT. Don’t except this confront him and ask him how would he like it if you did it to him. If he loved you he wouldn’t do this to begin with. Confront him and see how it goes. He will probably get upset. Stand up for yourself.
He will probably say hel promise never to do it again, but he will, hel just delete everything from now on.
You should be upset. A husband doesn’t need pictures of another woman
I’m sorry it happened to you. You deserve so much more than that. It’s not you it’s him that is messed up. Us woman want to blame ourselves that it’s our fault or we think less of ourselves. Don’t you dare you hold your head up high and there will be someone who will love u the right way.
Id be gone. If you stay he’ll know he can do this again and you’ll stay with him. When it happens again you may be together for 8 years and have an even bigger life with him yet feel trapped to leave. get out while you can. You deserve better.
You’re worried he will be pissed! Seriously?? Pff he should be worried honestly. If I found this on my husband’s phone I’d be absolutely devastated and probably not thinking right. I definitely would make sure someone could watch your child. Get home and probably burn his shit on the lawn. And get the locks changed. To me this would be unforgivable especially if I was pregnant! Beyond disrespectful.
Might as well be done with him now. It won’t get better
Y’all suggesting counseling or second chances… Wasn’t this time damaging enough to this poor woman? Why sure! Let’s advise her to go through it a second time or more. NOT. She didn’t deserve any of this and if you think he’s only texting one woman, you’re either very naive or highly disillusioned. She deserves a man. Doesn’t need to be babysitting or playing detective with her husband.
If you guys decide to work it out he’ll just get better at hiding these things. I’d leave.
In my opinion Snapchat for grown men or even women just makes it easy to cheat.
Leave him it just gets worse and keeps happening… trust me, 13 year marriage ended because of cheating that was a “friend” now they are married…
Leave. Honestly at this point in my life I have two kids with my husband and he knows if I ever find out he’s been talking to someone like this or being sneaky we’re done. We’ve been married 5 years together 7 and even though we’ve been together a long time and have a good life together I will leave in a heart beat.
Confront him. You weren’t being malicious and you didn’t think it was a big deal being on your husband Snap chat. He obviously is cool with it if he’s keeping this shit. I don’t like beating around the bush let him have it. I personally would ask him to lose that stupid app. Blocking won’t work because he can unblock and block and honestly it’s not worth it. Ask if he’s be ok if you were doing that with someone else. He’s going to be mad at you abd pissed and try to accuse you of things to try to get out of the hot seat. I believe that he’s done it before as well and has just managed to hide it better. Don’t let him squirrel his way out. You are being disrespected and lied to. If you think it’s worth working on try counseling and see what else he’s dealing with and get rid of those stupid apps.
Im sorry sis but… Fuck. Him. Off.
Send a sexy pick to your snap chat story and when he asks why you did that for everyone to see, say “I thought you liked that kind of thing since you asked her to??? Doesn’t feel good does it? Being betrayed?” Then ask him why you should ever trust him again or allow him in your life bc you can do better.
This is just what I would personally do. I know it may not be what other people think is right but I’m kinda an eye for an eye when it comes to that stuff. Love is no game.
HAHA, sounds like this could have been written by someone I know as well. I would tag her, but she blocked me:woman_shrugging:t4:
Honestly, I thought when I met my now ex that it wasn’t a big deal at first when I found something similar as we had only been dating a few months. We talked about it and I let it go thinking it wouldn’t be a problem again. In the 6 1/2 years we were together he cheated at least 3 times. That 3rd one I said I’m done because obviously he had zero respect for me. Should have ended it sooner, honestly wish I would have. It doesn’t get better, they get sneakier.
SS the convo and send it to his buddy and bounce. Lose your wife and your friend.