It was time for you and you’re babies to leave a long time ago. It sucks when we’re so in love with someone we find it hard to just leave etc… tell him he either gets his shit together stops the drinking or he loses all of you. you deserve better than an half committed partner. you have to think is this the toe of love I want my kids to see ? Is this the example I want to set for my children to stay in bad relationships? and how long are you willing to go through this ?
Get him into a rehab. Alcoholism is a disease. He needs help. But also he is a grown man and not your responsibility. Help if you can but not at the expense of yourself. 
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Wth why would you need advice lol
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Just leave him…doesnt change. Then u can get a break when he has the kids. N he still pays for them… Im saying this because u need to stop thinking life should be a certain way n it will never be that way… Ur the backbone of the family so be that… Hes a skid
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Girl clean out that bank account and leave with those babies! When is enough enough??!!
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You and your children deserve to be treated better!What you allow will continue!
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Alcoholism is destroying your marriage. And your children’s life too. Give him the option to get help and support him through it or leave. It’s not going to get better without intervention.
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As a wife of a recently sober husband (2yrs July 22nd), I’d like to say something on this subject based on the assumption on if he has alcoholism (not saying he does) if you feel it is time to leave, then leave. If he isn’t stopping, then he won’t just bc of you or the kids. My husband did not. And that isn’t your fault or his. Addiction if any sort is hard. On both ends. Youre also going through it with him. Just remember. Just bc he is your husband doesn’t mean you have to stay. It is hard to come to either conclusion of staying or leaving. With addiction, if he doesn’t make the decision to stop, he won’t. It has to be his decision and his alone. If you’d like to message me, feel free to! I know how it feels to be in that position and it is NOT fun. Only YOU know your situation no one else. As hard as this decision is, sadly this is one that only you can make since every situation is different. I wish the best for you no matter your decision! 
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My opinion is a bit different than others. I don’t believe we just throw people away. I would talk to him, and I would tell him he needs help, I would find a place to give him that help, and I would attempt to help him, and if he doesn’t want that help, I would tell him you and the kids were leaving until he got his act together, because you and the kids can no longer watch him harm himself.
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Leave him. End of story. No excuses, leave him.
Dont dare take him back unless he goes to and finish rehab etc
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You can’t help someone who doesn’t want helped. Leave with your kids
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He definitely has a drinking problem. He needs help. If I were you, for you and your children’s sake, I’d tell him to get help or you’re taking the kids and leaving. I certainly wouldn’t tolerate this shit with him trying to sleep with other women. Put your foot down and if he doesn’t straighten up leave. Trust me, from experience, you do not want to continue raising your children around an alcoholic/addict. Addiction is ugly and he will take you and your kids down with him.
As stated above, if he isn’t ready to get help he won’t so you really need to decide what you’re going to do, what you’re willing to tolerate, and if he refuses to get help then you need to do what’s best for you and your kids and that is probably leaving him at least until he can get himself sober. It generally takes someone hitting rock bottom before they’ll get help.
Get rid of him and STOP being a doormat. He will keep up with this behavior as long as you let him.
Sorry ifthis sounds like I am saying this is your fault. I’m not. He needs to own his bad behavior, grow up, and be husband and father. Especially with another on the way.
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Sweetheart, sorry you are going through this . But, unfortunately he won’t change. He needs help and so do you. Don’t settle for second best, do what’s right for your children, they deserve better and so do you. Have you family close who can help you? Seek counseling for you as a family, so you understand this is his issue not yours. Call Salvation Army , your doctor, there are many agencies that can help you. Good luck for your next step .
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He’s an alcoholic and only loves that and himself. You and the kids will always be second or last. 27 years, is that not long enough to find validation? It comes down to you, and only you what to do. Doesn’t matter how much advice you get.
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I would walk away for ur own mental health and its not fair on ur children sounds like u would be much better going ur seperate ways hang in their and keep strong
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He isn’t going to change unless he himself genuinely wants to change. It’s been 12 years. Just leave
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Been together since 15… You guys stole each others youth and never had the chance to go out and party in your early 20s… Maybe thats the reason… Ask him
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Run, Forest, Run!!!
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Sounds very similar to my previous marriage. I left and am a full time mum and the kids are better for it.
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Leave him he’s not worth it
Get on with ur own life and fuck him off… organise baby sitters for urself… build a life where that arsehole Is not involved…
if u don’t expect anything ur never dissapointed… and as he wants to dip his dirty little wick more times than a candle maker… make sure u protect urself and ur health and tell him to jog on if he thinks he is touching u with that little disease ridden thing… build ur life chick . Go out and enjoy urself … spend some of that money making urself feel good and leave the sad dirty little ferret to fester and have no real quality of life . U deserve so much more than that shitty behaviour… and his shitty spineless excuses… are exactly that… spineless… he just wants his sti’s and eat it … get on with ur life… ur wasting precious time waiting for that to become decent… stop eating apples expecting them to taste like oranges 
xx
He’s an alcoholic lovey. Unless he’s willing to stop drinking and get help; his behaviour won’t change
Yeah the best advice is kick him to the curb and don’t look back.
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Show him to the front door
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After 12 years, the question is have YOU had ENOUGH.
You just may be his ENABLER.
DONT BE A VOLUNTARY VICTIM, SWEETHEART.
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He’s not changing. You and your babies deserve so much more. Like alot more. This seems like alot more than just a drinking problem. Best of luck. 
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Oh nay nay, my girl. Tell him he either goes to rehab or you’re donezo. He may really feel he cannot stop, he needs professional help with this.
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With that kind of behavior he’s not just “binge drinking”, he’s a straight up alcoholic. You need to seriously give him an ultimatum to either start going to therapy and AA meetings and make time for the family or you and the kids are gone. You will always be second fiddle to his addiction unless he gets it under control and you absolutely deserve better
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Leave cheating is a choose not a mistake he isn’t sorry so don’t wast your time in a relationship with zero respect 
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Sounds like a winner
Have the guts to leave please
Really? Come on. You know what to do. Leave. Kick him out. Trust me, you can make it without him. What are you teaching your children? You deserve respect.
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1# He is an alcoholic. If you have insurance call around for a detox/rehab. 30 days. Then aa meeting 90 meeting in 90 days. Keep his ass busy with non alcoholic functions based around RECOVERY. He has to want it but if he sees he has a problems that is the first step. #2 therapy. People can change. Im proof of it. I am addict and wasnt always a great person. Probably not a great partner at time (together 13 yrs). But i have dedicated my life to never turning back to my old ways. Therapy, meetings, keeping busy, working steps, really getting to the root of WHY i was the way i was. And be 100% truthful even when its uncomfortable.
If he refuses and really doesnt want to dedicate his life to changing and really really giving it his all. Then I agree you might have to step away until he can. I know there’s a lot of love there. Has to be. Really have a deep serious convo about getting him help. Write it down before you have it so you dont forget anything. Bullet points of exactly what you need from him to continue being married. Stick to it. Tough love. Good luck! Much love from a recovering addict clean 5 yrs.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
After 12 years he clearly doesn’t want to help himself.
Do you want to be dealing with this when you have a new born?
Is this example you want to give your children?
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Apart from anything, by keep putting up with it, what are you teaching your children? That it’s ok to allow yourself to be treated like this?
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He is an alcoholic. Period. He needs help! Your relationship will NEVER work unless he gets help.
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Take the trash out 
He wants help. That’s a good start. He needs to get help. However you aren’t obligated to wait around to see if it works.
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I’ve been in this situation and it was only a matter of time until he became physically abusive to me. 2 years was enough for me!
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Oh HELL naw why are you still there???
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First call it what it really is, he is an alcoholic. It is going to get worse unless he gets helps. Just wanting help isnt going to be enough and you need to stop enabling him. You are doing it and dont know it. If you make the threat of leaving if he doesnt change do it!
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If it was just the drinking I would give him a chance to change he’s way or you are leaving.
But, the fact you have these ladies message you. Nope. I would leave now.
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Wow. Fuck. What a pos. Daddy- Husband needs to be home. He’s a COMPLETE waste of time. The fact you’re staying, itll only get worse. Think of your kids. They CAN’T be happy. Ditch that zero. He wont change if he wont even be home for his kids.
He needs treatment ASAP. Alcoholism isn’t a choice and it’s most likely hurting him to be that way alot more than you’d think. If you love him and want to save your marriage get him into rehab and support him thru it. It’s a battle many people aren’t strong enough to conquer, he’s going to need you. But also, take no shit! Good luck to you both!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband binge drinks and sneaks out and I am tired of it: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
You have been with him so long I know it hurts to think about leaving and starting all over but trust me you will be so much happier if you leave and gain your piece of mind again.
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I’ve just come out of this type of relationship and feel so much better n better of no more drinking no more drama no more belittling or verbal abuse get out get gone look at it through the kids eyes I did n never looked back!!! X
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From that short description I would suggest he is not happy with you but won’t leave because he feels guilty (and possibly there’ll be an access to the kids issue), so he works and drinks to escape, gets himself into a state, then feels guilty for getting into a state, and it’s a viscous cycle. You’re all so quick to blame the man. It takes too to tango and he needs help, not you. If the woman was developing a drinking problem from staying in a toxic relationship what would your advice be?
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Take the savings and leave. No one needs that toxicity in the house. How are the children feeling about it?
Is he a good enough role model for the children to look up to?
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He needs a intervention and therapy and probably admitted for therapy.
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He is a raging alcoholic and will not get help until HE decides he needs it. YOU CAN’T FIX HIM, BEG HIM, GUILT HIM OR SHAME HIM INTO TREATMENT.
Your. priority is your children and protecting them from the tension filled, anxiety of living in an alcoholic home. Do not think they don’t know far more than they say or see. Hugs to you and prayers for your family❤️
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From my perspective it seems like he is tryna to live his life like you guys were super young when you guys got together. Some people need to live their life, and experience things before they settle down and he never got to do that. So he might be honest when he says he’s sorry, but a part of him wants to see what he missed out on. I know this might be hard to hear but sometimes you have to let that person go, if you love them, and let them find themselves and experience life. If you guys are meant to be you guys will be. You guys can always co-parent and be cordial. Never deprive your kids from their father if hes a good one. Everything will work out in the end. Good luck. I speak from experience.
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Why does he feel the need to climb out the window??? He is not a happy man
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Nothing you say or do will change his actions. He will tell you what you want to hear but then go right back to doing what he wants. Hope you’re able to do what’s best for you and your babies, I know it’s hard but you either get him help or leave. He needs to want to change though ultimately…good luck 
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He is an alcoholic and needs rehab. If he refuses to get help then maybe leqve and let him know he should get help before putting your family back together. It much more difficult on the kids to have a sneaky alcoholic father. Your oldest might already know some it as well. Having an alcoholic in thr house can be scary for kids. It is not just binge drinking…all his sign point to having an addiction
Alcoholic serial cheat, leave while you have some dignity left for you and your kids 
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Therapy and if that doesn’t work. End it.
Best thing I ever did was leave him. Wasted too many years doing this kinda crap.We remain friendly for our daughter & grandson
Good luck
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Unless HE wants help and to change he will not. A friend of mine waited for her husband of 25 years to change … after years of alcohol abuse and cheating she left after their child was in college. She wished she had left sooner. He never changed. Even after divorce 5 years ago, he’s still abusing alcohol. And I left a 20 yr marriage waiting for him to stop cheating and abusing. Don’t waste anymore years of your life waiting for it to change. Talk to an attorney. 
Sounds like he needs intervention and help. Like now!
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He needs to get help he’s an alcoholic. He means it when he says he’s not good enough and wants to stop. He can’t on his own
Only you can decide what to do i as well had one bumpy relationship with my husband as also been together since we were both 16 now we are both 57 and to be honest I would not trade him for anything.
Do you feel safe for him to look after the children on his own? If you went away for the weekend would you trust him? If the answer is No, then I’m afraid my advice is to leave the relationship or kick him out.
I’ve been there. My ex was an alcoholic… coz that’s what you are describing, not a binge drinker. An alcoholic puts their alcohol BEFORE the children or anyone of importance
Do YOU WANT to stay with him? If so, an intervention and therapy would probably be best. If you don’t, it’s time to just leave.
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This behavior won’t stop
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You’re not going to change him he has to want to change we all make choices in life and from the sound of it he’s making choices of a single man you need to leave and if that doesn’t wake him up it’s not meant to be
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Sorry, he’s gaslighting you, manipulating you to think it’s just drinking. No one has anything to loose by telling you what he’s trying to do, so believe THEM not your “husband”.
Just remember, your babies would never wish that you stayed in an unhappy relationship for their sake. They need a happy mum who’s still present in their lives.
Personally I would give him a month to clean his act up. No more sneaking out and slow down on the drinking. If he wants you all as a family, he will do as you ask. If he doesn’t, that’s his choice made.
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Omg seriously I would of caught a case … just saying
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If u r financially able, leave him. It’ll be hard for him to change n things don’t look rosy
Not only is he an alcoholic but he is a cheater. I don’t believe for a second that he hasn’t not been cheating the entire time he’s been doing this. He has a problem and he is not going to change until he’s ready. I know as husband and wife you are supposed to work through your problems together, but there’s a point where you have to draw the line. Take his kids somewhere for a few days. See what he does. If he doesn’t even try to change, leave him. Because he never will.
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Get him help or get out! Was with mine since I was 17. Been there done that for 28 years, got out he’s remarried & still doing it except has severe health issues but still drinking, drugging & cheating. Wasted the best years of my life in that hell. Don’t do the same & it really affected my girls badly.
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You shouldn’t have stayed this long. There’s nothing we can say though as you’ve accepted it to some level as it’s been years, so the answer is leave but that’s your choice only.
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I went through the same thing. I ended up leaving my kids dad. I always allowed visits as long as he was sober and never held any ill will. Alcoholism is a disease. After I left him he went to a rehab… Again,and again, until he finally remained sober for a long stint of about two years or so. Then, this last March he relapsed and passed away from an alcohol overdose. I had always prepared my boys for the possibility that something like this could happen, but somehow, I was still not prepared when I got the news. No one can tell you what to do in this situation. You have to do what’s best for you and the kids and just stay as positive as possible that he will seek the help he needs.
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L. E. A. V. E. He’s a cheater, and he won’t change!
He wasn’t crying about he didn’t know how to change when he was sneaking out window or getting an orgasm from another woman! You better hope you don’t get anything transmittable!!!
Leave LEAVE L E A V E. You can’t fix him!!! He doesn’t value you and YOUR KIDS DONT NEED TO THINK THAT’S ACCEPTABLE OR NORMAL!! You have to think about EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR HOME, INCLUDING YOU! HE HAS TO WANT HELP. YOU CAN’T MAKE HIM. MY ADVICE IS TO SET AN EXAMPLE AND LEAVE! Explain to your kids WHY. DON’T SUGAR COAT IT. They need to know you did everything as a mom, wife and GOOD PERSON AND NOW IT’S TIME TO GO! I promise life gets better! You will have peace of mind and a chance at finding love in a healthy environment with someone you can trust, that respects you MINUS AN ADDICTION. I spent most of my 20s trying to save someone who destroyed me and my kids by living this way. PLEASE LEAVE!
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Leave his ass. Love is love… But you can love some one from afar.
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Join Alanon immediately!
I think you are posting this question because you already know the answer but want someone to validate your answer. Send him packing. 
You deserve better:clap:t2:
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I would give him the benefit of the doubt, support him through getting help as it won’t be easy for him either. Tell him the best apology is changed behaviour and make sure he realises how serious this is and how damaging his actions are. But seek help ASAP for yours, his and the children’s sake xx
From my past experiences he is cheating when he is climbing out those windows. X
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The alcohol is his alibi at this point, he wants out of the relationship but don’t want to leave you and the kids because: daddy wasn’t there, he wants to be a better dad, he promised you this/that etc… But you guys are older and he wants to be single but not single. What do you want because he is taking a different route, you and the children deserve better
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He knows what hes doing especially when he’s climbing out the windows when you are asleep. YOU should already know the answer to the question.Once they cheat it will keep repeating and repeating they know what they are doing drinking or sober!!! You and the children deserve so much better than this.
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27 married and carrying on like that… … i mean climbing out the windows … you either need to get rid of him or move into high rise flats
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Pack those bags get him gone!! Not a great role model to have around your children x
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What’s the point of sneaking out the window and not sneaking back in? Might as well just walk out the door. Seems like he living a double life. Just leave.
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My husband did this
He went to therapy for it in the end
He still drinks now but actually instead of drowning his sorrows he now talks to me about how he’s feeling though her never tried it on with other women
Also, if he’s only doing this one day a week, on his day off, that’s a conscious decision, not physical addiction. He knows that by drinking he’ll have the courage to go off for 24 hours with god knows who. So I’m with your thinking, that he’s full of it.
You obviously love this man he’s been yours since forever… nxt time he’s crying and sorry tell him if you mean it show me … get him some help xx
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RUN! My ex-husband was doing this garbage not with alcohol but with pills. Sneaking out, stealing from our family. Turns out he had a whole double life. RUN GIRL RUN FAR AWAY AS FAST AS U CAN
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I feel for you because evidently you love him. Sis, you are gonna have to make the change. Tell him to grow up or you are leaving. He will do this as long as you allow him to. You have to decide to make that change because you can’t change him. If something causes you more pain than happiness, it’s not from God.
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I would suggest getting checked out at an sti clinic just to make sure your clear, your health comes first.
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He’s too immature. Gather your evidence, video, and document so you will have custody of the children. Life is too short and you and your children deserve better. If he truly repents, he’ll turn his life around, but put your plan together to move onward.
He uses alcohol as an excuse to cheat, I’ve met his type…waste of space
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I would tell him to get out and get his act together! Kf he wants a chance with you again - it’s no drink, a different job where he can create a better work / life and family balance and he needs to act like a father / husband.
It sounds like he is reliving a youth he didn’t have? Cut him lose to have it; you can’t carry on like this with a new baby and the kids.
X x it can’t be nice for you 
be strong
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He’s a grown arse man, stop giving him the option to come back. He has two options. Family life or drink life. Don’t think for one second that just because you have kids, that you will be lost without him. If he’s sorry and admitting his shady messages and sneaking out, then he needs an ultimatum. Reduce his work hours, arrange family outings together. Caravans, days out, games nights etc. No drinking. If he doesn’t want that, then he’s a grown man and is choosing to drink and that life style which doesn’t make you happy. He can go live that life alone. You have your own happiness to prioritise. Your kids will be seeing this and thinking it’s ok to be unhappy. We only live once, you chasing a grown man who has little respect due to the time you have been together isn’t happiness. He needs to work for the relationship now. Your pregnant, you don’t need this stress or mither.
Is he my ex? Honestly mine was exactly the same and he’ll never change. I split from him when I was 29 and it was the best thing I ever did. He now does the same with his partner too. You deserve so much better x
Cut him loose you can do better and dont have to put up with that shit life is to short
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Get the savings into your own bank. Pack his bags slowly when you do the ironing. Then when he goes to work get a lock Smith. I don’t think he will ever change get rid. You get one life.
He’s an alcoholic he needs to want to get help until then he will have many excuses, you need to be strong and take your kids and leave, being a single mom is not going to be easy but will be better for you and your kids, do you have family or friends for support someone to talk to, I did it but had great support from friends and family, best thing that I could have done for my kids wish I would have left earlier, happiest I’ve ever been now, remarried to an awesome man and kids are doing amazing. Stay strong you deserve better, you can do this!
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