I’ve been with my husband since we were 15. We are now 27. Together for 12 years/ married for 4. We have two children, 10 and 5.5, and one on the way. He’s always binged drunk from the beginning. However, if we go out together I will get left to walk home alone, go to a house party he won’t leave, other times he drinks the house but the problem is… when he drinks he waits for me to go to bed or fall asleep and leaves the house, climbs out the windows, etc. and goes does answer his phone and won’t come back until the next evening always sorry it’s because of the drink etc. but it’s EVERY TIME, however, this year when he’s been doing it I have had multiple ladies message to say he’s been trying to chat them up saying he wants sex and wants to meet. He’s been crying, saying he’s not good enough, and he wants to stop but doesn’t know how. I think it’s all sh*t. The problem mainly is he works all the hours you can think of, and he does this knowing it will be his day off but won’t tell us. (He chooses to work stupid hours) we don’t need the money to have plenty of savings, but we NEVER get to do anything as a family, and I am at my wit’s end! Sorry for the long post…Any advice very appreciated
You need to set an example for your children and leave this man. He doesn’t care about anything except his alcohol! Do you really want your kids and yourself to watch him drink himself to liver failure? He will die a very painful preventable death and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Start stacking money in an undisclosed location that he doesn’t know about it and tell nobody what your plans are. Get a storage and start moving things to that storage slowly so it’s not noticeable and get the hell out of there.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband binge drinks and sneaks out and I am tired of it: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
He needs counciling and a pastor. If he cant find the courage to change then you need to find the courage to leave.
You’re children and you deserve better
Why are you with him?
Chuck him in the bin
Why are you still with him!! He isn’t a decent role model for your kids and you deserve a respectful family man. He’s a loser. Self respect! Treat yourself like a queen. You know you deserve better:). It’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it. He’s married to the booze, not you. If he wanted help for his drinking, he would of done it by now.
He knows what he is doing he just doesn’t care.
I would personally leave. I couldn’t be with an alcoholic and someone that hits ladies up for s*x and then he plays the victim card.
You & the kids deserve better than this.
You matured well before he did…so u are in this mom/wife life and he still needs to play.you are both very young,you can either leave,or wait for him to grow
He needs sobriety/recovery… he should get sober, then work on the emotional/mental/spiritual stuff, seek long term treatment and work a recovery program…
Al Anon might be helpful. It’s a support for you as a spouse of an alcoholic. It may help you draw boundaries and come to a healthy decision for you and your children. Unfortunately from what I’ve seen, many men’s addictions grow worse when there is a new child on the way. The stress on you and your unborn child is not worth it but you need support to clear your mind enough to make decisions.
I dealt with most of this behavior for a year in a relationship, you longer than me. I honestly don’t know how you do it. I had to prioritize my happiness and self worth and kids over a grown man that refuses to get help and get his life together.
You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. It takes a lot of courage to leave toxic situations and relationships, please pray for the strength and courage to move on. I learned after a year the situation won’t get better, it’s been 12 years…you’re an enabler to his behavior at this point and he knows it. Please love yourself enough to leave.
He climbs out the window to go get drunk 
uhhh he should probably go to rehab
AA is a good place to start an you should go to Al-Anon
Nope. Remember y’all are teaching your kids how to be adults.
Remind him hes not 15 anymore sneaking out the house when his mums gone to bed…
He will only change if he wants to. Which he clearly doesn’t. Do you really want to waste more of your life staying with someone who doesn’t care for you? He sounds a bit like Homer Simpson, but atleast he didn’t cheat on Marge.
Take the kids and leave
I would take the kids and leave !!!
Time for a ultimatum get his act together or leave
Love you first mama 
it’s easier said than done; but he doesn’t respect himself enough, let alone able to give you the proper respect you deserve. Take a break from him for awhile and heal, take care of your babies and learn self-love. Once you master that, then see if you feel the same way about him. 
people change… and I’m all for giving chances, but he’d have to show improvement, bc words don’t mean too much of nothing right now.
Sending you peace and love sis
That’s a HUGE goodbye for me 
It’s a great day to #dumphim
He obviously doesn’t care that much about you, harsh as that is its true. You deserve better, go find it
He needs rehab… and you need to choose your kids and yourself. His behaviour is not on. How long till one of those chicks says yes to him and might bring home an std
He needs rehabilitation help along with AA. Tell him to get the help or you’re gone.
Being in 5 crappy relationships with 4 alcoholics and one ex alcoholic. It’s excuses they use tbe substance as an excuse to do as they please and when the mess gets too big from karma or the liquor or drugs or weekends gone hes gonna be back of course. It’s not about drinking its about being selfish. He doesn’t care he doesn’t respect you. Did you want to have kids to mirror those types of behavior or to give them a happy life? Did you know kids pick up on more than you think. Won’t tell you what to do. But he’s definitely not worth it
If he wont get help… Leave. Addiction
15 yrs old. No, you need to see what else is out there. Hell, you’re still young
You need to get rid of him until he grows up and stops drinking. Then it would be a HUGE maybe if you should let him be in your life other than a father to the kids.
Done and done. He won’t stop and deep down you know that
Can I ask you, if you saw this post from another lady, how would you advise her? I think you know.
Sending you so much love because it’s so fucking frustrating watching someone you love destroy everything they have because alcohol is their priority.
Give him a choice, his family or the alcohol. You and your children are worth more than that!
I left baby daddy because of his drinking too. It’s not easy but you have to put yourself and your kids first. It’s hard, trust me I know. But my father was an alcoholic and I still have those memories, and I didn’t want that for my son. As for rehab, it’s not always easy to say go to rehab (me being and ex addict) they need to want to get clean. You need to do what is best for you and your kids.
Take your savings and run away from him!
I’m not going to say why are you still with him or you need to leave him because clearly you love this man, but he has a problem and you both need to sit down and address it. If he truly loves you he will do what it takes to keep you.
I don’t know why a lot of people’s advise is to leave… leaving isn’t always the solution.
I’d leave for a few days maybe a week just to decide if this is the type of relationship you would want your children to see (obviously it’s not) maybe see if he’s ready to man up and stop the nonsense… give him an ultimatum, either he grows up or he gets out… idk everyone has an opinion, this is just mine… either way… Good luck with whatever you decide!
Wot does your gut say? Excuses and him playing the victim is not fair to you or your children, you deserve to be happy
Yep he d be outta here if it was me , he needs to grow the fuck up
As soon as I read chatting girls up for sex thats all I needed to read, honestly next time he goes out have your locks locked for him coming back. Dont give him access to the property. Let him go to his mums or a friends. See if it sobers him up. And keep doing it until he realises you aren’t accepting it no more.
I agree with Shelby Lane. Can I tell you while reading this it sounded like you were describing me. I was just like your husband. You cannot change him or his drinking and behavior. You can beg, cry, bitch or whatever but I can tell you it won’t work.I snuck out of my house…a grown adult…drove down the driveway with the headlights off, drank in bars until 2:30 a.m. Came home many times at daylight smelling like booze, cigarettes and men.I wasn’t dealing with life at all.Alanon is a good place for you to start.I decided to give AA a try and have been sober since 1990. I also have gone to Alanon because I have alcoholics in my family and I have learned how to deal with life on a whole new level.Give yourself some direction in your life and learn how to better cope and find Alanon meetings.
Why did you waste this much time on him ?You say he has always binged drinking. He needs AA which he should’ve probably did years ago.
I would take a break away from him and really think about if you want to leave and end things or stay and help him. If he doesn’t get help and it’ll only get worse.
You need to give him a Wake up call today !!! If he does not wake up the right way , You need to let him go !!
If he want stop put him out for a year. If hes going to change a year will do it
I have 3 ex’s. Go to alanon. Go to professional. Ala non is free. You need counseling. Desperately.
L E A V E.
I KNOW it’s hard. I know you love him. But TRUST ME. Just leave. Sure couples therapy can work. But you need to leave first. Get you and your kids away for a bit and IF he’s willing to try and be better do it after but make sure you are able to stand on your own first. You might be happier away from him once you see you can do it alone. Addicts won’t get better FOR YOU. They are selfish. They need to really feel what they are throwing away and honestly, you’re probably better off without all the bs. Love yourself. Love your kids.
You need to lay it all out for him. Being an active alcoholic isn’t good for the kids. And start documenting Bc at some point he’s going to be gone and you don’t want the kids left alone with him while he drunk, him leaving them alone or bringing in random people to sleep with while the kids are there. When is he ever sober? Is he driving while under the influence?
I went through this, & I chose my kids & myself, Bc life is too short & all of us deserved better. Almost 13 years later & he is still choosing alcohol daily, & hasn’t changed his behavior. He’s just found another victim to put up with his bs, & reproduced even more. Your children need to know they’re more important than that man is, Bc he is showing he sees himself as the most important thing. It’s not easy but it will be the best decision in the long run. Best wishes, momma!
You need to leave. Not only is this person toxic for you, your children see this as well. You are so young too. Don’t waste a life walking on eggshells. Encourage him to get help in rehab or counselling but i would distance yourself away from him.
1.He lies
2. He cheats
3. He disrespects you
4. Hes an alcoholic narcissist
A good man would not do this to his wife or the mother of his children. You can do this!!! Women power!!!
He needs counseling to deal with his drinking. This is a hard situation, but if he won’t get help, you have to ask yourself if this is the life you want for you and your children
Sounds like addiction and he’s far from seeing there’s a problem. My uncles an addict, he cries and says he’s no good, he’s sorry, he’s going to change… it’s just excuses. He uses pity and sympathy. Might feel guilty right after but once the pressure dies down he’s right back to it. You can either stay and keep putting up with it until he’s willing to admit he needs to make changes and starts seeking help, OR, you can leave.
I’d like to add that I’m not saying all addictive behaviors are like this or making any judgements towards anyone, just reminds me a lot of this particular situation as well as a few others.
Absolutely nothing will change as long as he knows he gets to have his cake & eat it too.
Pack up kids and belongings ( not everything just what you need to be comfortable) and go stay with family, or trusted friends for a WHILE. The whole pregnancy and birth.
Let him get a REAL reality check on what life with endless freedom is. He will realize quickly how lonely it is.
If you don’t do this- nothing will ever change, because you are his ENABLER:(
You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach wondering where he is. That’s time and energy and happiness you could be living focused on your children and you. The piece of mind you get from being done is the most wonderful feeling.
The guy needs help, Go to his Doctor and ask him to send him an appointment for a MOT, As long as he isn’t violent let him stay at home and get him all the help you can, Never kick a person when their down xx:pray:
He’s only gonna stop if he wants to…
You and nobody else can stop him.
He has to want it for himself, first.
Other than that, you’re gonna waste your time, your energy and your sanity…
You and your children HAVE to come first …
When he’s saying he’s sorry and it’s the drink, it would be a good time to insist on his proof of that by joining some sort of AA or addiction help for himself. Maybe you could think about some kind of program for yourself to do with spouses of alcoholism . Good luck.
Leave, he will not change
Sounds like rock bottom needs to hit him and fast. A grown a** man sneaking out the house for real
Sometimes leaving is the wake up call they need. It doesn’t have to be permanent, just long enough to get him to realize he needs to get better for his family. Been there done that, my husband now no longer drinks because how he behaved.
I think you know what needs to be done here, and we can all say it until the cows come home, but until you make that decision within yourself, things won’t change.
By the sound of things, he never had the chance to date different women is probably why he messages other women and wants sex. One women and marriage then kids. He obviously never grew up, all tho he’s 27. He wants the party life and not the family life.
It’s easy to stay! Don’t! Leave. An alcoholic is just as bad as a drug addict. Maybe even worse. They don’t see what they’re doing as a problem because it’s legal. 
if you have brought all this up to him and he apologizes and continues to do it time and time again it’s because he knows you will allow him to. He’s never gonna change if he knows you’re gonna stand beside him regardless. Just because you’ve been together for 12 years and have kids doesn’t mean you should stay. Leave. Get out. Take those kids and run far away from that childish life he wants to live. Obviously he’s out drinking and partying AND CHEATING instead of being at home being a husband and father. Why do you want that life? He chooses to not be at home with his family because he doesn’t wanna be and because he doesn’t want that life and responsibility. He knows he has you to take care of all that for him. Leave his ass. Stop giving him reasons to continue his behavior. Why stop when you know you can do it and get away with it? You have to be rereading what you posted thinking to yourself (why am I allowing this to happen? Am I really allowing this to happen? This can’t be love and real happiness?) An alcoholic is a dangerous person. I’ve been there. They don’t change. I took myself and my three kids and walked out the door one day and didn’t look back. 
been 2.5 years now and he doesn’t even acknowledge his child (we only have one together), but hey we’re better off now. We have someone in our lives who loves us and wants to spend time with us and gives us all their attention. Get out. Find better. There is better. I promise. Holding on is easier then facing the unknowing of starting over, but in the end you’re just making urself miserable and is that really a life you want your kids to be raised in?
You should consider joining Al-Anon group on fb and learn how to set boundaries for yourself
He needs help!! he has an addiction. This is awful what he is putting you and the kids through. He has to want to change and get awhi. If he doesn’t you will one day get tired of it, worn down and maybe leave.
Reach out for support from your friends and Whanau…well done for sharing, you are a strong, Amazing mama.
Leave or make him leave he is not helping himself and does not look like he will anytime soon your better off without him 
You have 12 years of proof that he won’t chance, do you want 12 more? tell him to get out and stick to it don’t blow up stay indifferent no matter how he acts then be prepared for his temporary 180 but stay firm Use the savings take your kids on days out anywhere and everywhere I will make you feel better.
Your husband is an alcoholic … Tell him that if he doesn’t stop drinking he will have to leave … If you stay with him you are in for a lifetime of misery … Eventually your self esteem will be gone … and your children will think his drinking and the way he treats you is your fault and what you deserve … You deserve better than this … Don’t give him more than one chance … You will get caught in a cycle and he will make you feel guilty … You have nothing to feel guilty about … You deserve to be happy…
Wow. Age will definitely change that! Today is our 21st anniversary. Two grown kids, and a home. Problem is? He’s Still A Drunk! He passed out before e even realizing what day it was. Everyday I deal with this. Why? For my kids. Don’t get comfortable Enabling an alcoholic. They will never stop drinking ~ even when they’re love is in the hospital, almost dying.(true story). Run as fast as you can. You’re never going to fix a stupid ,bull headed, dumbass!
Don’t have anymore kids for him after this. Focus on you and the kids, if it gets tough leave him. He knows what he is doing.
Give him a short sharp shock!! Pack his stuff tell him you’ve had enough and he needs to leave!! He it’s meant to be he will move mountains to correct his selfish behaviour and get his family back! If he doesn’t he wasn’t worth keep trying for any way! You can’t force him to change but you can give a little nudge! X
<3 hugs <3 Saddened you’re dealing with this.
He’s still a little f*cking boy! Ditch him. Take you and your kids and leave! You owe it to yourself and your children to do so! Otherwise you’ll be waiting until you’re 50 for him to settle down.
You say you have savings and don’t need the $$, so he’s got easy access to alcohol and until his world falls apart (you leaving him) he is not going to get better. If he was going to get better for you, he would have done it on his own. Him saying he’s sorry and he doesn’t know what to do is him seeing how much longer he can keep it all going on. Sounds like he needs to lose everything before he will fix anything.
It sounds like you know what you need to do.
When he climbs out a window, just lock the doors. Id leave, he’s obviously up to all sorts and has no respect for you or your kids.
He ain’t going to change unless he wants to and he is the one that has to make that decision. You dont deserve his childish behaviour and need to look after yourself and your children
Dump his sorry ass and he will change or let you know it’s time for you and your children to start a new life.
Manipulation. Leave dont fall for no tears.
My ex husband is an alcoholic and did/does the same stuff. He needs to see a professional. A psychologist and then rehab.
Leave your relationship has run its course. Trust has been broken.
Divorce and sole custody of the kids
Eh 
Sounds like crack behavior. Like crack rock crack!!!
Ignore the tears and promises and make him leave.
Sounds like he’s been cheating for awhile now
Leave, get out somehow, he is an alcoholic. Only chance you have is to get him to want to stop. I know. I lost everything that I worked for my whole Life because I loved him and I stayed. I made excuses for him. In my case the beer won. He died, I am now free but had to rebuild my whole life. I am good, have forgiven but years of my life were lost. It is just the way alcoholics are. Good luck.
Sounds like your relationship has came to an ending on both ends… it happens. I hope the best.
Whoa babe. You’ve put up with this for a long time.
It’s time for an ultimatum
That’s drugs all day
Why should she leave? Hell, buy new locks and change them fuckers next time he leaves, pack his shit and leave it outside, and don’t answer the door when he comes knocking. You the one taking care of the kids, and pregnant. Make him leave. Those kids shouldn’t have to be uprooted, and confused anymore than I’m sure they already are.
Don’t put you and your children through that. Leaving is easier on all of you in this situation. The damage it will do by staying is usually much worse, trust me on that one, I’ve been there. If it’s meant to be he will buck up and fix himself for yall. If not, you saved yourself and children from more days of turmoil and… a bad example. If this were my daughter in this situation, I’d tell her the same thing.
First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through that. Especially pregnant
But if he’s sneaking out while drunk and driving(that part was unclear), I’d call the cops on his ass the second he left. He’s going to hurt or kill someone/himself. That’s the last thing you and those babies need 
Besides that, you’re the only one that knows the answer. If you have the means to, then I say leave and make a better life for you and those kiddos. It’s up to him to get his shit together, not you. Hang in there mama❤️
Get rid of him. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don’t settle for less.
Honestly, I’d leave. Better for you and your kids. Coming from someone who has been there done that. Praying for you.
I would tell him to seek help or he will loose his family if you want to be with him… hes an alcoholic.
If not, get the hell out of there with your kids, hes not worth your love x
I have been in this situation, i stayed with him for 15 years, your story brought back all the memories. Leave, and leave now, i was exactly like you, every time we went out, he wouldn’t come home, i always came home alone. He became an embarrassment, there is no hope for your partner… please leave when you can, pack your kids up. Take all of the money out of your savings so that he can’t get hold of it.
I’m absolutely mind blown that you knew this is how he was from the beginning and yet you not only still chose to marry him and his problems but procreate with him and then complain. You knew what you were getting into, he didn’t hide it. You should have left in the beginning and you should leave now. He is NOT going to change. You deserve better now just like you deserved better back then. You can’t change people who don’t want to change.He is a boy, not a man. He does have one thing right though, he definitely isn’t good enough doing what he’s doing, especially for your kids.
You need out of the pseudo relationship. He uses you as his crutch. As long as you stay the behavior will continue. Do keep in my mind you are his enabler. If that is what you want, stay. If not, get going.
Move some money into an account of your own. Check with your lawyer as to what you need in case it comes to divorce. Plz get yourself checked for std. Sorry but it seems like you were okay with all his behavior before getting married so he will not change overnight. Has this “waiting for me to go to bed”& going out started after you were married? Hmm, reacting poorly to the added legal responsibility? Make sure you are “covered” while trying to help him in case more “sh*t” hits the fan.