QUESTION:
"I've been with my husband since we were 15. We are now 27. Together for 12 years/ married for 4. We have two children, 10 and 5.5, and one on the way. He’s always binged drunk from the beginning. However, if we go out together I will get left to walk home alone, go to a house party he won’t leave, other times he drinks the house but the problem is… when he drinks he waits for me to go to bed or fall asleep and leaves the house, climbs out the windows, etc. and goes does answer his phone and won’t come back until the next evening always sorry it’s because of the drink etc. but it’s EVERY TIME, however, this year when he’s been doing it I have had multiple ladies message to say he’s been trying to chat them up saying he wants sex and wants to meet. He’s been crying, saying he’s not good enough, and he wants to stop but doesn’t know how. I think it’s all sh*t. The problem mainly is he works all the hours you can think of, and he does this knowing it will be his day off but won’t tell us. (He chooses to work stupid hours) we don’t need the money to have plenty of savings, but we NEVER get to do anything as a family, and I am at my wit's end! Sorry for the long post…Any advice very appreciated"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"Get him into a rehab. Alcoholism is a disease. He needs help. But also he is a grown man and not your responsibility. Help if you can but not at the expense of yourself."
"I had an ex like this. I left and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Get your kids, the savings, and get out. He has made his priorities clear, and it’s not you or your family."
"Sounds like it's time for him to go to rehab or for you to leave. If you choose to leave be smart about it…consult a lawyer and get everything lined out before you kick him out."
"You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him when he is sober. Tell him how what he does is affecting you and your family. Then you need to suggest he get some form of counseling/ seek treatment for his alcohol abuse. Along with banning all alcohol from the house. If he continues to drink and refuses help you may have to consider leaving that relationship."
"Give him a choice, his family or the alcohol. You and your children are worth more than that!"
"Sometimes leaving is the wake-up call they need. It doesn't have to be permanent, just long enough to get him to realize he needs to get better for his family. Been there done that, my husband now no longer drinks because of how he behaved."
"I would talk to him when he's sober, suggest rehab. He definitely needs help. The problem is, he hasn't hit rock bottom. He won't get help unless he actually wants it."
"You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach wondering where he is. That’s time and energy and happiness you could be living focused on your children and you. The piece of mind you get from being done is the most wonderful feeling."
"He needs help!! he has an addiction. This is awful what he is putting you and the kids through. He has to want to change and getaway. If he doesn’t you will one day get tired of it, worn down and maybe leave."
"Love you first mama, it’s easier said than done; but he doesn’t respect himself enough, let alone able to give you the proper respect you deserve. Take a break from him for a while and heal, take care of your babies and learn self-love. Once you master that, then see if you feel the same way about him. People change.. and I’m all for giving chances, but he’d have to show improvement, bc words don’t mean too much of anything right now."
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