So why not give him your maiden name as a middle name? If it is one that could be used that way? Rather than hyphenate?
6 Likes
I didnât hyphenate my name and now I regret it. Iâm an old mom. Iâm almost 54. I was Canales before I was Chesanek ( obviously) and now as Iâm getting older and my dadâs getting older , I wish my kids had that name too . Itâs part of who I am . Obviously , itâs culturally different and I wish my kids could have that , but more than that , itâs part of me as an individual. I had wanted to hyphenate from the very get go, but my husband was vehemently against it so I gave in . I really wish I hadnât . Go with your gut .
I would stick to our original plan you guys talked about it before hand. But I wouldâve given my daughter the same last names also. I did this with my son but I wasnât married. My father had 4 daughterâs and I wanted my son to carry on with his last name.
Write him a letter gently explaining how much it means to you and how disappointed you are feeling. Leave it somewhere he will read it alone, perhaps his vehicle. Just a thought, best wishes!
You know i think hyphenating it is fine it still has his last name also. When my son got married he took his wifes last name now his daughter doesnt have his last name. So i look at it this way its just a last name and its ok you know who he is and so does he. Its not worth an argument so why not give him your last name as the babies middle name
Hyphenate, itâs worth the fight in the end.
1 Like
Stick to the original plan! It took both of you to create the babyâŚso he can have both last names.
My first son has two middle names. One for my side of the family and his dadâs side. My second son was named after his great grandfather and grandfather. Each one of my children are named in honor of a family member. When my daughter was old enough I explained to her how special her name is and why. I have done that with my sons and both are very proud. Per historians last names are what the ancestors did for a living. So donât sweat the small things.
1 Like
A rose by any other nameâŚitâs just a name. Your father wonât be erased just because his name doesnât go on foreverâŚhis history remains in the hearts of those that loved him. Tell stories and keep photos.
39 Likes
So I faced a similar situation when our oldest son was born. My husband is a 3rd and our son while the 12th grandchild and 6th grandson of my FIL he is the first to have the Sisk last name. My husband has 5 sisters and one brother who will never have children. I also have 2 brothers who will never have children. I felt an incredible amount of pressure to name our son the 4th yet I absolutely do not like my husbandâs name. I donât like any of the common nicknames. So in an effort to honor my FIL and the legacy of his name I went back 4 generations and named my son after his 2x great grandfather on my husbandâs paternal side. We have since had 2 other sons and each time we have reached back several generations to use family names on both sides of our families. Our second son is named after my great grandfather who raised my dad as he parents died when he was a baby. Our last son has a first name from my side of the family and my husbandâs first name for his middle name. There are plenty of ways to honor those names and legacies without hyphenation of last names.
3 Likes
Iâd stick to my guns, your name is just as important as his & hyphenated the child still bears his name. If it was something that wasnât important I would say just do it. My Dad just had my younger sister & I, no sons. My sister passed & although she was with her incredible boyfriend (who I refer to now & forever as my brother in law) for 18 years & they have 2 sons (with their Dads last name), they never married so she still had her maiden name (so my Dadâs name was being carried on). I married & took my husbandâs name and gave our daughter our married name because at the time it wasnât that important to me. Now that my Dad (4yrs ago) & my sister are both gone that name is so important to me. So important that I had been working on a way to make a memorial for my Dad so that his name is remembered forever. He loved fishing so I want more than anything to build a catch & release pond & put his name on it, I honestly pray some day Iâm able to do it, kids could enjoy it for tournaments and it would be a fantastic memorial for my Dad. Now that I realize how important a name is, I truly think you should stick with your original agreement and use the hyphenated name. Best of luck.
7 Likes
I hyphenated my name and my kids are also hyphenated. My oldest likes to go by just Flynn but my youngest likes Howard-flynn
2 Likes
I hyphenated my last name when I got married. I chose not to hyphenate our childrenâs name as someday they will grow up and possibly get married and I want my future daughter in laws to have the option to hyphenate and keep their maiden names too.
4 Likes
So your husband is fine with your family name not being passed on? Well maybe you should give your son your madien name only then ask him why he is so upset. I have a hyphen name I am the only one that kept my fathers name and so is my son. There was no discussion between me and my husband because he knew the circumstances just like your husband.
10 Likes
My granddaughterâs middle name is her motherâs maiden name. Her twin brotherâs middle name is my maiden name. And their baby sisterâs middle name is the other grandmotherâs maiden name. All the first names were family heirloom names and the last name is my sonâs last name. We all got to have a part in the story of us all.
5 Likes
Give your son two middle names, the second being your fatherâs last name. If he goes to public school, learning a hyphenated last name in Kindergarten is a nightmare for him! So many letters!
Also, he will end up with glitches in systems left and right.
Your husband had no idea how he would really feel about his children until your daughter came along. It is a good sign that he wants them to bear his name.
9 Likes
my firstborn last name is the same as his dad. we are coparents. our second born tho has a hyphenated last name because my grandmother requested it of us. since Iâm my parents firstborn(as are they both as well) and thereâs no guarantee my brother will pass on our family name. so both myboys have technically different last names. they both share their dads just the youngest also has mine. so do what you feel is best in your heart hun. thats what matters most
1 Like
I plan on doing the same thing. I just got married and due to covid havenât changed my name yet but it will definitely be hyphenated as will our future children ( god willing 
) because my dadâs only son ( my half brother) has two girls so the name wonât continue and I want it too.
I always wonder what happens when a woman with a hyphenated last name marries a man with a hyphenated last name and she wants to hyphenate her new name as a married woman? For example her name is Sally Smith-Jones and she marries a Tom Wright-Jackson. SoâŚwhat becomes of her name? Thatâs why, in my opinion hyphenated names are complicated in the first place. Iâm not knocking them, but it wasnât for me. I chose to simply take my husbandâs last name when we married.
4 Likes
In my culture, it is common for the men to have their mothers last names as well as their fathers. My nephew prefers to use his motherâs name vs his fathers name. But they gave them both. No hyphen tho
1 Like
Both of my brotherâs kids, a boy and a girl, have their motherâs maiden name as a middle name. They use my brotherâs last name. So much less confusion to saddle the kids with.
3 Likes
I think itâs a sweet idea. When your son is older Iâm sure he would be honored to carry both names. I think your husband should stick with your original agreement. Our 1st son was named after my husband no questions asked. When we had our daughter I wanted to name her after my mother whom had passed before her birth and my husband agreed no questions asked.
2 Likes
Thatâs not a reason to fight about those a call the small things. Be happy your having health son. Women always controlling men.
2 Likes
Give the boy the same last name as your daughter. Your daughter may question one day if she was not good enough to have your last name, too, just because she was a girl. Just my two cents!
7 Likes
If itâs important to you than stick to your guns it was already your plan and hubby should follow thru your feelings.and wants are just as important as his so hyphenate the name pass down both family names
1 Like
I think a little different than most of the other people. I donât like hyphenated names. I believe the children should have the fathers last name only. I did give my children first and or middle names that had my family behind them but the last name belongs to the father in my opinion.
6 Likes
My friends who hyphenate say itâs a huge pain because computer systems often donât recognize what comes after the hyphen and often get it wrong by dropping the second last name altogether. Give your maiden name to your child as a middle name, and he/she can choose to use it whenever they want. It does not have to be hyphenated for them to use in signatures, on a nameplate, etc.
18 Likes
This is why you should have taken your husbandâs Name when you got married. It confuses everyone, especially the children. If you are afraid of losing your identity by taking your husband name when you married then you didnât have much of an identity to begin with
16 Likes
This same thing happened to me. Fortunately we had a girl and it became a non issue but if the baby had been a boy we had decided to give my maiden name as his middle name and my husbandâs last name. It was quite a strong name!
2 Likes
If your daughter isnât hyphenated, I think it would be unfair to both kids to hyphenate your son. It kind of sends the message that heâs âmore specialâ or that he has expectations that are more important for him. Not the best seed to plant for either child.
Compromise and give him your maiden name as a middle or second middle name. Then, when heâs older, he can decide if he wants to incorporate it as a hyphen.
6 Likes
- Why is are his wishes more important than yours?
- Why do I get the feeling you already caved the first time?
I actually think you need to go back and do paperwork to change your first childâs last name too. If you wanted your last name in there you shouldnât have erased yourself the first time to appease him. You set a precedent, but itâs not too late.
3 Likes
You should definitely stick to your original plan. You did it for a reason. In this situation he should respect your decision. If itâs important to you it should be important to him⌠good luck
3 Likes
Your children should always take your husbandâs name. Not sure why that should be questioned. I do believe once a woman gets married the wife should be honored to take his last name.
19 Likes
You could use your fatherâs middle name for your sonâs middle name as well, thatâs what we did with my boy 
3 Likes
I think he should stick to the original plan. A hyphenated name is a good compromise for both of you!
2 Likes
This is my suggestion, with a reason.
My brother was killed many years ago. He was the last with our name.
My husband and I decided to put my maiden name as a second middle name. One of our sons has chosen to do the same.
1 Like
Iâd use it as a middle name. Donât go with a hyphen. It will cause so many problems for your kids in the future. Like, for instance, think of situations at school, or a doctorâs office. There is so much confusion going on. One of my daughters has a different last name than all of her other siblings because I had her before I met my husband and it is so frustrating for us a lot of times. Sometimes Iâm accused of trying to kidnap her or falsify documents. And it makes your children feel as if you favor one over the other. Besides, when or even IF your son decides to have children, it will be his and his wifeâs/girlfriendâs business what those children are named, and they very well may decide not to keep your maiden name in their childrenâs, and then it will be their turn, and they may not keep it either, thus the name is gone.
1 Like
Ummmm nope kids take dadâs last name. There are no boys on my stepdads side of the family have my son his last name as middle
1 Like
You know what to do. You said its important to you. The decision is pretty much made. Iâm posting to congratulate you on the birth of your child, also it seems that youâve got a loving family and thatâs all that matters
I think it was unfair to ask that of your husband. Your Father never had to make that decision⌠and itâs your and his SON. To much to ask. Hes s really. Easy going man. Make him happy. And proud be a Wonen and give nameâŚ
1 Like
Forget a hyphenated name. My granddaughter uses a hyphenated name and it has caused all kinds of problems. I would never do that to a child.
1 Like
So if your kids last name is say Smith-Johnson, and they marry say someone with the last name Thompson, they really donât have a choice to hyphenate bc then they become smith-Johnson-Thompson and thatâs just too many damn names 
1 Like
I know itâs not the same, but people use last names as middle names as a symbol of love and pride. All three of our children are named after people we love and admire, lossed ones and still living. Use your maiden name as a middle name. Even MY name is a family name. My name is Amme Yeager. Amme is Emma backwards (my grandmotherâs name on my fatherâs side) and Yeager was my great grandmotherâs maiden name (on my motherâs side.) Name your child after your father and when they are older, tell them stories of how amazing he was/is and how proud you are of them.
My sons last name is hyphenated for this same reason. I let his dad pick which last name went first and he was happy with it.
Itâs only fair if u do one child for him one child for you then both family names r carried on he will adjust to it
Hyphenated last names are annoying. Lol.
Coming from a doctorâs office.
3 Likes
Hyphenated last names are way too confusing especially for kids. Your fathers legacy will live on in other ways.
1 Like
I gave my son my dadâs first name. Even though my dad had 8 grandsons, that did have his last name. Everyone from relatives to friends to acquaintances remembers my sons first name. Everyone loved my dad, even though my 13 year old did not get to know my dad (dad died before he turned 2). Heâs heard a lot of stories, and lots of memories and I think itâs having the connection of the first name. You must be Valdon, or I know you are Valdon. My dad was so proud to know his first name was carried on. The legacy is so strong!
1 Like
So daughter has his last name and it will die there. Unless she hyphenates but in realty both names die because now its a new name . As for the son he should carry his dads last name because of this scenario. Letâs say his name is jack , last name frost ( dad) and moon ( mom) . So his name would be Jack frost-moon . Letâs say his wife wants to hyphenat . Lets say her name is lucy wood . So her name would be Lucy frost-moon-wood ? And on and on
2 Likes
Why not use your fathers name as a middle name to honor him? I honestly donât like that fact that both your kids would have different last names yet have the same parents. Thereâs many ways to honor loved ones.
Maybe ask why he changed his mind? Express your feelings just like you did in this post. In the end, the name doesnât carry the memory, the ethics morals and memories shared are most important. What if the first and middle name are after your dad?
1 Like
You stick with your gut. Itâs not just his decision and he agreed upon it. My daughter has our hyphenated last name, his family doesnât like it, but itâs something we agreed upon.
The surname is meant to indicate the childâs fatherâs name. You could hyphenate but, when he gets marriedâŚNow, what if she/he feels the same and wants to keep their name? Sometimes family trees have branches that end, itâs not sad, itâs just genealogy. It is just our version of who âbegatâ whom and your father didnât âbegetâ your son. I understand wanting to honor him so, Iâd suggest making him a namesake.
When i had my first daughter (later died)i honored my mother by using a combo her middle name and my middle name. Years later when my youngest daughter now an adult had her daughter did the same with her daughter by combining my middle name with her mil name. This was done as both her and i kept our maiden names to honor our fathers.
Use your maiden name as his middle name thatâs been a tradition for a long time
1 Like
When he agreed to this my guess is your husband figured the second child would be a girl. Since its a son and his name would be carried on through him after he grew up and got married could have changed how he felt. I would talk to him calmly about it.
Our son has my maiden name as his middle name. We are in the same situation but I do not hyphenate my name, I just added my married name to my legal name.
We gave my daughter my last name as her middle name and she did the same for her son
Why only the boy? Do your kids will have diff names? When HEâS married, will his wife have two names as well, and their children? What if she wants to hyphenate? Will they have three last names? Iâm proud to have my husbands name.
Same last name as your husbandâs name, hyphenated names are just a pain in the ass. So when he gets married and she wants to keep her â hyphenated nameâ 
, is she going have to FOUR last names !!?? Let it GO.
1 Like
When I had one of my sons, I gave him my maiden name as his middle name.
Make your maiden last name the childâs middle name⌠good luck
1 Like
I think this child should have the same last name as the first child.
1 Like
No this is not just about a name this is about him going back on something he had agreed to do with you ⌠tell him youâve changed your mind about being married to such a person that only thinks his name and his opinion matters x
I completely understand because when my father passes, it is only myself & my brother left to carry his name. My brother only had 1 son & 1 daughter. Idk what his daughter will do but will probably take her husbandâs last name. Although sheâs very very far from that time anyway. I had 2 sonâs, @ the time my brother had no kidâs & was in the military. He got deployed several times & not ever knowing what would happen, I gave my 2 sonâs our last name. I wanted my fatherâs name to be carried on. My oldest is now 21 & knowâs why he has my last name & knowâs he has my blessing if he wanted to have his fatherâs. But heâs decided to stay a Boyd, which I am forever grateful!! I get the feeling u have & if it wonât cause a divorce, Iâd stick to ur guns. Heâs got to understand why ur doing it. It isnât to be funny or malicious, he can certainly do this one thing for u. However I think all ur kidâs should have the same last name, whether it be one or 2. Good luck!!!
Well if it was agreed upon then you should make him honor that choice !! My name is coming to an end unless my younger cousins have sons if they have children⌠my son only makes girls and my girl had a boy but has his dads last name !!! It is hard with family legacies and names but GOD decides who carries on a name by who he allows to have children.
If it was agreed on before hand then it should be kept that way. End of story. His wishes arenât any greater then yours, you are the one doing the majority of the work to even bring this child into the world, and it was a pretty determined agreement.
I gave my boys my maiden name as their middle names.
1 Like
Both of my kids have hyphenated last names and my husband didnât have a problem
Your family name is just as important. Carry it on. It was agreed upon. Thats your name.
1 Like
Hyphenate the name. He knew why you chose to do that at marriage. Carry on that name for your daddy. Your husbandâs name is in there too!
Iâd be fuming. Iâd stick to it. That child is just as much your last name as his so why should it only have his? I find that egotistical and self centred if him.
What if you give your child your maiden last name as his middle name and the fathers last name can stay the last name. Then just explain to your son when he is older why he was named that.
Iâve never understood the big deal about carrying on someoneâs last name. Whatâs important in life is the character and integrity of our children; their last name doesnât determine that !!
My son is hyphenated. I told his dad basically itâs both or just mine when he tried to change his stance on the hyphenated name.
Told him basically we agreed to this when we got together we agreed when we found out I was pregnant. At 7 months he changed his mind. Told him Iâm doing as we agreed or going with just mine.
He agreed hyphenated was best
When my son got married, her 2 girls had her maiden name. Then they had a girl together. She told my son, even though they just got married that none of the kids would have his last name. Thank God for that. So when he did marry her he took her last name so all the girls had the same name
I did this too. My son has 4 names first, middle, my maiden name - his dadâs last name. Itâs confusing to a child & a lot to write. I suggest you use your maiden name as the childâs middle name.
These hyphenated names can get long. Give him a first name, your last name as his middle name and his fatherâs last name as his last name (no hyphen).
I think the father (as long as he is a father) should always have the option to pass on his name.
Use your maiden name as his middle nameâŚmy daughter did that with her son, and I have friends who have done the same thing
Unfortunately, itâs the mans right to give his children his last name. You should let your fathers name die. It happens all the time. Thatâs just old fashioned and what my belief system is as well.
I have some grandkids with hyphenated last names and some with just there dads last name each one of my 5 sons and 1 daughter so it is up to them
This is because your husband gets teased at work for having a hyphenated last name. You take the mans last name, you pass on the mans last name. You honor thy father by passing on his name, doesnât have to be the last name.
Iâd say stick to your gut. If he doesnât like it, ask him if heâs ok with it just being your maiden name because it seems selfish of him to want your family name to die out while his carries on.
He is selfish and wants it his way. He feels boys are more important which is why he wants your son to have his name. Leave him and save your family is misogyny.
The way it has always been is you take your husbands name or you take your name and his both if he is Josh clean- dry than thatâs what hers should be . Just saying
I went to college with a man whose first name was his motherâs maiden name (bc there wasnât a male to carry it on) and then his last name was his fatherâs name⌠albeit, his first name was quite reasonable for a first name. When I first met him I kept calling him by his last name bc itâs a common first name. He corrected me after a couple times.
1 Like
My grandmother used family surnames as her sons middle names.
If this was discussed before marriage stick to the plan just because he is a son doesnât change the plans
Make your maiden name a middle name and start the tradition of it being the first born of each generations middle name.
I think whatever is the choice should be agreed upon before children enter the picture but I would keep the kidâs last names the same.
If that was always the plan, I donât think itâs fair for him to back out now. If youâre doing the pushing, I think itâs fair to include your married name as well.
2 Likes
You donât have to hyphenate, just use the names as planned to carry on your legacy.
My son has two middle names. What about that? I wanted my fatherâs and he wanted his brother
Give your son 2 middle names use one of the middle names as your maiden name
Both of my children have my maiden name as their middle name and the last name after their father and we both come up with their first name
I think you should maybe pick a first name that goes well with your madien name as a middle name & his last name then do the same with the next boy a first name that goes with his last name as the middle name your maiden name as a last name
Iâm pretty sure you get to fill out the birth certificate. Just do it! Hope he changes his mind. Blame it on the drugs.
I donât think it makes sense for your kidsâ last names to appear different.
1 Like
Can you give your name to all your kids as a middle name? I have friends who did that with thier girls so the moms maiden name stays even after marriage.