My husband cheated with his nurse. I never thought this would happen to me. I am keeping quiet to protect him, his partners and their practice. I have been devastated. It has been months since I found out and I don’t feel like I am very far along in my healing. We are trying to work things out. He even left the internal medicine practice to work in addiction medicine. I have tried to protect my children’s hearts and haven’t told them any thing except their dad needed a change and is going in a different direction. I feel like I am breaking. I am tired of protecting but I can’t stand the thought of my kids having their relationship with their dad to be jeopardized . Is that wrong?
Have you ever seen snapped? That’s how you handle that.
I would snitch on his ass.
Leave honestly !!! Your only ok’ing him to do it again
He’s a doctor?? AND y’all have kids?? Shitttt, collect that child support and alimony and let them kids go with their daddy every weekend BYYYEEEE!!
Decide if you want to stay or leave. Take steps to do whichever you choose.
You may need counseling or you may need to have a serious conversation with him and your kids.
Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Bring it all out. Let her husband know too…
Is he working half as hard to make it up to you as you are working to protect him?
I get you are angry. And hurt. Devastated even.
But why are you talking about your children here? They have nothing to do with this. Despite what you’re saying here it sounds like you want to shout it from the rooftops so others can join you in your anger.
Leave your kids out of it. Being vindictive will not help heal you or your marriage.
Yes you are wrong. You and your husband should see a counsellor. Talk about your anger there.
It is never the kids business what either of you do. Yes, even if it causes you to split up. You can leave and not start a whole uproar. If your significant other is adult enough to realize that you’re doing what’s best for your heart by leaving because you were cheated on, then maybe you can quietly separate from the relationship and still co-parent efficiently
Relationships rarely work when a partner cheats. Leave him! Move on, QUIT settling for less
He didn’t cheat on your kids though. He cheated on you so go to counseling and stop using them as an excuse to ignore the hurt you clearly need to let out.
You’ll never fully heal or trust him again … I would ask him if hes cool with you sleeping around . I stayed with a man who cheated on me. Ans guess what? He did it again, even after all the work and changes he led me to believe were real. It’s a huge decision to leave , and very individualized. Have you gone to a counselor? That will help you tons
Hell no you need to report that, he doesn’t need you to protect him.
Have him tell his coworkers and children. Transparency is key moving forward. Find a good therapist.
just leave gal!once a cheater always a cheater
My husband would need more than a nurse after i finished with him, if he did this!
Let it all out you’re ridiculous.
You say it’s been months since you found out and you’ve barely healed… are we talking 3 months or like 8 months? I’m trying to imagine myself in your shoes.I know there isn’t technically a “time limit” on healing / fixing things/trust but if he’s not meeting you halfway then it’s time to leave. If he’s genuinely trying to fix things then that’s all up to you.
Solo counseling and couples counseling STAT!!
You need a sounding board that will let you get out these feelings and help you process them. Then you need a mediator to help you both come to a common ground and help you remember why you love each other in the first place. He may need to see a therapist as well to help him figure out why he did what he did and better avenues to deal with what he’s missing internally.
Beyond those, I highly suggest investing in yourself and your happiness. Take a trip, join a club, take a class you’d enjoy. You were a seperate and whole person before your marriage. You still have needs that need to be filled individually. Find you again. Do what makes you happy and gives you purpose as you process this grief. Fill your cup
Also it’s not the kids business. They couldn’t possibly process this on an adult level and shouldn’t have to.
Sounds like your main reason for not leaving is destroying your childrens views about their father…so there is a very simple why to leave so your not being miserable without destorying the way they see him which is not telling them the full truth on why your getting a divorce just tell them that yall love them and you both still love and care for each other but your no longer in love and that sometimes adults grow apart. And just make sure they know its nothing they did and you both love them ect…good luck on whatever you decided to do
You may never iron this out,go with your feelings!Mind throw curve balls"Beware "!
It’s not your job to protect their relationship with him. As long as you are not bad mouthing him they are going to at some point learn the truth. You are allowed to be hurt and to grieve for what was. You need to talk to someone about this. You are going to break if you keep taking care of everyone but you. It’s not wrong but feeling are not facts so you can’t let them take over everything especially when you are overwhelmed and hurting. How are you working things out with him? You have a right to be angry with him and about what’s happened. I hope you both are in counseling and dealing with it because it’s a lot. You should have to protect him and everyone alone. This stuff is the worst. I am so sorry. You can and will get through it. Cry be angry sad whatever you need to be but get help focusing so you heal.
Protect him and his practice?!! did he protect your heart! Good luck finding the strength to do what you KNOW needs to be done.
They only reason they kids would need to know anything is if y’all are splitting up
Get a good divorce attorney and take him for all he is worth. Do not protect him. Protect yourself and your kids, obviously he doesnt care about either of you since he had no problem breaking up the family.
If you truly want it to work than you have to forgive him and let it go . If you can’t … than you need to walk away from it , as it will destroy you and your family . It’s ok to need help along the way for healing either way you decide . But pretending it didn’t happen will only make it worse .
Who’s protecting you ?
What about your feelings ?
Sweeping it under the rug does nothing
Its needs to be out in the open and dealt with.
He made his bed, now he should lay in it, why are u making yourself suffer. He fucked up, make him suffer a lil.
Why does he get to make a mistake like that and you have to pay for it
This is why u feel like you do hun coz it’s just wrong
He cheated… he made the conscious decision to cheat…he is a grown man he knew what he was doing was wrong. If you want your children to be happy they need their mom to b happy so staying in a situation that is tearing you apart isn’t helping you or anyone else. Leave start over…start fresh… get child support and give him visitation…
Get counseling and find out what u need to do to make u happy. Good luck!
While you’re protecting him, who’s protecting you(heart and mind). Protect yourself…chin up, tits out. Life is too short to live with a cheating ass man.
Do what your heart tells you to do once the trust is gone you may always feel betrayed when you talk to him. Leave him I left my ex for cheating. It was hard financially at first however the best decision I did for myself
I would definitely get a divorce. There’s a way to be angry at him but not bash and go after him in a spiteful way. ￼
Why are you even concerned with his feelings now? Have you found out which nurse he started banging at the new practice yet?
If BOTH want it to work, it can…20 years here and going strong…leave the kids out of it. Its not their business to know the details…
Both get into counseling ASAP if you havent already.
Walk away and don’t look back
Some people do not get too upset when a partner cheats. I’m not one of them. You are angry and hurt. Has he indicated being sorry? He removed himself from the situation. But has he said “sorry”. If not, you may need to hear it. Definitely counseling. Individual and couple. I’m more concerned about the unresolved anger. Both of you are suffering. I feel sorry for both of you. It can be resolved.
Sounds like your children are younger and if that’s the case I could see why you’re trying to protect them. I would have an honest conversation to see why it happened, was he unhappy in the marriage? Did she come on to him? I believe honesty and communication are key. It will obviously take time to heal from being betrayed and devastated like that. Maybe your own space while you work through the healing process. Also transparency on his end, if you want to keep working it out. Best of luck to you.
No. He needs to tell the children (depending on their age) and you both need counseling. He needs to take accountability for what he has done with everyone involved. Most importantly, you. You do not need to protect him, you need to focus on you. Your priorities, needs, and wants. His apology needs to be as loud as his disrespect. Hiding your pain will never heal it.
I would be assessing other things as well, did he tell you cause he felt bad and wanted to “fix” it with you or did you just happen to “find out”? Also, did he leave family practice cause he wanted to or you told him to? Is he trying to make things work or just doing what you ask to keep you from ratting him out. It will show if he’s being sincere and wanting to change or just wanting to save his reputation. I’m sorry you are going thru this… Good luck!
Protect him and his practice? Girl was he protecting you when he was banging his nurse? I think not. Quit thinking of someone who obviously wasn’t thinking of you
Girl. You haven’t started healing bc you’re still trying to prevent everyone from having their hearts broken instead of worrying about yours. He should face the consequences of his actions and this shouldn’t all this weight shouldn’t be on your shoulders. It’s going to take a long time to feel better, and only you will know if you are truly meant to work it out and even if you don’t want it to affect your kids, your kids need a happy mom. You deserve to be happy and separated parents still can have happy kids. It’s all about the co parenting w out being together
Leave girl. Don’t let that turmoil rub off on your kids! Go be happy
Uh uh if my partner did that I’d be calling the bitch out, in laws can watch the kids, if he wants to destroy our world then I’ll destroy his, but I’m not prepared to let my mental health to drag me down again. For your mental health you need to come forward and if he has done it once he will again
Bruhhh fuck him. I would blast his ass everywhere. He clearly isn’t professional and has no respect for you
Once a cheater always a cheater!
I’m married for the fifth time , the last four were cheaters and they all cheated on the new wives . Hopefully my new husband won’t cheat but if he does … he’s knows exactly what will happen
I am not trying to start anything but it seems like he went from bad to worse. He knows patients who are addicted will do anything for drugs!
The reason why u cant heal is becuz no one is looking after ur heart not even u
It’s up to u if u can truly trust him again
He changed practice
But did he apologize or what else is he doing to help u feel more confident bout him?
Dont tell kids unless they r a lot older age and if ur divorce him
Its gonna take a long time to heal. 1st step admit ur not happy. Kids need a happy mommy more than they need parents staying together…it shows more than u know all the friction
Even if you can forgive him , you will never forget what you forgave .
You are doing the right thing. When the kids are older and he is still cheating, transfer as much financial assets as possible into your name and then divorce him.
If you two want it to work out then go to counseling and forgive him. If you don’t want that then divorce him. It’s nobody’s business but yours, your husband and kids. Good luck
It is between u and your husband not the kids I know it’s hard on u I’m sorry
The relationship between your children & their father will not change if you guys split up. You are not going to have peace in it if he hasn’t even said he’s remorseful. As for myself I couldn’t forgive my husband. I couldn’t find peace in knowing he did that to me & still stay married to him. Get a good divorce attorney & get child support, spousal support & half of his stuff lol. But most importantly a good custody agreement in place.
You need to protect yourself. Be your own advocate. Until you do that, you will not heal nor move on.
Do what makes your family healthy… And unless the kids are grown there is no need in getting the kids involved… It only hurts them… Love your kids more than your anger towards your husband…
Once a cheater always will be and your life will get worse.First of all you will never trust him again even though he tells you that he tells you that he won’t anymore it won’t be true so go and get away from him,he don’t love you and there’s no excuses to cheat,good luck and better life with your kids.
If you’re unhappy, your kids will see and feel that… I know you want to avoid turmoil but staying where you’re unwanted will cause it as well. Two happy homes are better than one miserable home and as a child I wish my parents understood that.
What if the shoe was in the other foot??
Leave him. Once a cheater always a cheater imo
It’s none of the kids concern in my opinion. Y’alls relationship is seperate from theirs
What he did to u has nothing to do with the kids.
I know the pain you are feeling. I tried and tried but mine kept cheating. Wasted too much time on him. Glad it’s over though I wasted years.
I’m really hoping your kids are much much older … like adults… and you only even mentioned them because they asked you something about it and it’s why your BIG on the whole protection thing
How is their relationship jeopardized? He cheated on you, not his kids. Don’t drag them into it.
BTDT. Get out and move on. Don’t say anything to the kids. If they are older, they know. If they are younger, it’s an adult matter. Either way kids should never be involved in their parents issues
I say speak up He’s the one in the wrong not you. If he loses his practice or his family then that’s on him. Not you. .dont burden yourself for his mistakes. Leave you’re better than that.
Will you ever heal from this? Perhaps stay and possibly live in misery? Your children are number one, but you can’t put your mental health as second and expect them not to notice. Your children can have a decent relationship with their father without y’all continuing a marriage that isn’t going to work any longer.
Why protect that asshole? Was he using protection when he was having sex with someone else? Hopefully you got checked for STDs.
A marriage isn’t based around children. It will never work out that way
Yes leave the children innocent give it all to God the Father and He WILL bring you healing!
He needs to man the fuck up and admit his mistakes
A Dalmatian won’t ever change its spots… (unless he had a reason for cheating on you with his nurse which I’m sure if there was it isn’t a good enough reason to do so in the first place) he will do it again and again. I would maybe “try” to find out what true reason he had on doing such a heinous act and if he’s not happy I would spare you and your kids a hurtful future and leave and get legal representation alimony/ child support… but it’s your decision ultimately and only yours no one can tell you what to do just give advice and your heart will make the choice as to where things should fall. If kids are young i would leave them out of the equation… it hurts them more in long run when involved. Good luck !!
My dad cheated on my mom with this woman for years and had a child. She was a very unfit mother and the baby was taken right from her and my mom ended up working things out with my dad and adopted the baby. Years later when I was an adult we talked about it for the first time ( we really weren’t allowed to bring it up) and she told me that she stayed with him so that my brother and I didn’t have to live in a broken home … Or jeoprodize the way we felt about him! And she told me when it first happened before she ever decided to stay all her friends defended my dad and even we kids did because we were never told the whole story . And it makes me feel like shit to this day , that she felt that our comfort was more important than her heart . I wish I could go back to that time and tell her to do whatever makes her happy . I’m glad she stayed with my dad they have been married for 37 years at this point and are happy but getting there was hell because for years he was mentally and financially abusive to. I love him very much too but your kids will see that pressure on you an if they knew the whole story and they knew what it was doing to you inside they would understand. kids appreciate honesty , you’ll do more damage later on if you hide everything. My brother never forgave them .
Get yourself, everything prepared and leave no man has this right as a woman stand up for yourself and show the children how strong you are and can be. He deserves all the pain it’s causing you, not getting off Scott free, you didn’t tell his partners for his sake! For your sake, sanity and internal peace leave this no good for any woman man, he’s got it all perfect looking yet your dealing with on your own the horror of what the father to your children did, he is no “father” he has no respect his affair cost him nothing he lost nothing, not right women have fought for so long and so hard we have rights. You’ll do ok, then fine then deal with it, good luck!
Screw protecting your cheating lying husband or his homewrecking nurse. Put them on blast. Humiliate them. Get yourself a makeover and fucking leave him. If your kids find iut they’re going to think its ok to settle with adultery by either letting it happen or doing it themselves. If its finances, take him to court.
Im so mad for you.
You cannot heal from something like that and it is likely he will do it again because youre LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH IT
Him cheating has absolutely nothing to do with your kids. In no way should it affect their relationship with him nor should they even be told about especially if they are children. Either forgive him and move on or leave him…only you can make that decision
I tried to make it work with a cheater. And he cheated again and again. Once a cheater always a cheater. Once that moral is gone… it doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s sad. It destroys you from the inside out. You can try consoling like others suggested! And I know people that have worked it out, so there’s always hope. But it’s something YOU need to work through. I know that when it happened to me, I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I made him do it, and everything came crashing down on top of me. I had to work through a lot of feelings for a long time. Needless to say, we didn’t work it out, and I’m extremely grateful he did it because later on I realized how toxic the relationship really was, that I never saw before since love is blind. I also wrote my feelings in a book everyday and that made me feel a lot better! Good luck and I’m sorry.
My husband did cheat before we were married. We tried to make it work because we have a daughter. It took years and I mean years to get to where we are now. But I didn’t stay quiet to protect him or our children. We are very open about that part of our relationship. Right now you should think about what you want.
Hell nah! Tell that shit to everyone! Protect him? And her? FOR WHAT!?
Sorry i know this is hard,
You need to seek counseling just to cry, scream, say hateful things you will do better, remember to can forgive but… never forget!
I just dont understand the people that are saying he cheated on her not the kids. Yes when you have kids it affect the whole family!
Yes this is wrong… all of it. Stop and leave
I dont know you’re protecting the nurse and the office that they both worked at. That will not help you nor your marriage. I suggest you both go to marriage counseling and you do individual counseling.
you kids don’t need to know this, Nor should you ever tell them. And what goes on between you & your husband has nothing to do with his kids. If he is a good dad to them, then he is a good dad to him, But will say, chances are if your husband cheated once, chances are he will do it again. Why? Because he got away with it the first time. Or was it the first time??? Not that I am saying it was, but a cheat is a cheat. I do agree to go to therapy, by yourself & maybe with him. Could this work out? Maybe, but only time will tell. But again, your kids do NOT need to know this
It certainly DOES affect the kids!!! He deliberately put their family home life at risk so HE could have his cake and eat it too. I understand you wanting to spare their feelings but don’t let it tear you apart because he is the one that done this not you!!!
What about YOU? For fucks sake, you matter too.
The thing about cheating is, the cheater had no respect for you in the first place, you can’t demand respect, it is either there or it isnt… goes hand in hand with trust. In my opinion, respect for your spouse is #1 … a cheater has no respect
Be honest with yourself. It’ll take awhile. You could also see a counselor. It sounds like he’s taking major steps to rectify it, so hopefully. But, you have to be honest with yourself, can you move past this. Can you forgive him and forget. You need someone to vent to imo
Shit I woulda had that bitch fired! That’s messed up to sleep with your patient so wrong on so many levels.
Fuck keeping quiet to protect him and his job.
Its hard to make a decision for yourself but in a few years you will be happy you made it! Better for you and the kids, how can you trust him after? Everytime hell go to work it will be on your mind…
You’re trying to protect him and them??? FOR WHAT???
Nah the kids should know the truth. He made his bed let him lay in it. Lying to your kids is not the way to keep a bond with them. They’ll find on their own eventually and drag you for not telling them what really happened. The kids should have the power to decide who they want to have relationships with seeing as they’re people with their own feelings.
I’m so sorry your going through all this to “protect “ him when he’s the one who did wrong , I understand your trying to protect your family but remember he made these choices just like we teach our toddlers every choice has a consequence weather it be good or bad . Don’t hold this in , it’s not good for you and your no good to your children if your broken inside , you need to start working on healing you and you can’t do that tip toeing around his feelings or. How others will perceive him remember he made those choice not you honey !
’ I am keeping quiet to protect him, his partners and their practice’- Thats a problem right there. He need to take responsibility for his actions and not hide from them, or have you hide them for him. Hes a grown man…if he gets in trouble, he deserves it
I don’t understand why you would protect him,He sure wasn’t trying to protect you when he was sleeping with another woman,! Seems like he’s got your self-esteem so low that you’re scared that you won’t make it without him!
If you feel the need to say hateful things about the father of your children, don’t do it to them. They don’t need to be involved in your marriage and any negative thing you say to them about him will only be internalized. Find a friend, seek a counselor, get divorced, whatever you need to do. But if you choose to forgive him, forgive him and move on.
If you tell your children and then decide to stay, they will have anger and resentment towards both of you.
Of you choose to leave, still leave your kids out of it. No matter what, he is their dad and they don’t need details. You can’t unday words and you can’t unbear his children. All you can do is work together on the best interest of your kids whether that is together or separately together.
Why are you concerned with protecting him and the practice he cheated on you. I would not give a shit about what happens to someone who cheats on me.
Am very sorry your man don’t
Love you if he did he would have
Not cheated on you he is not the right man to live with that is what ok think