Dealing with MIL / surviving motherhood. Long story, short – we are building a house. Living at my parents while we finish up (hopefully in about two months). Our 18-month-old daughter stopped sleeping through the night as soon as we moved in (in April). I would typically get up, lay her back down in her crib and 9x out of 10 she would go back to sleep. She did this 1 to 2x per night. Great, fine. For the last two months, she wakes up and is up for 2 hours/night. I stay in her room on the floor, or she will scream bloody murder, and I do not want her waking up my parents who are right next door to her room. My husband is busy with the house and does not get up with her (nor do I ask him to since he is working 15+ hour days). She will go back to sleep immediately if I put her in bed with us. I know. Shame shame, but I am tired, work a full-time professional job dealing with difficult clients, and I always wait 2 hours before putting her in bed with us in hopes she will fall back asleep in her crib. Last night, my MIL lectured me on being a working mom (mind you, she has never had a professional job since she was pregnant with her first). Basically, my husband complained to her that he doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with her in bed. I completely understand this, but I. NEED. SLEEP. I do not have a better solution since we are living with my parents; I do not want to have her cry out and wake everyone in the house. I’ve tried putting her pack-in-play in our room, but she just plays loudly in it and keeps my husband, and I awake.
Tell him to buck up or he can put her to sleep. Your sanity and sleep are important too.
Tell ur mil to shove it. That’s what I would do. Good luck
He complained to his mom? Oh hell no. She should not be getting in your business.
Tell your MIL to mind her damn business and tell hubby to grow some balls and express his concerns to you and not his ignorant mother!
My kids would sleep to me when they was little and didn’t care what anyone said but him going and crying to his mother is childish and he needs to grow u do what I have to do in order to sleep
I bought a king size and put it on the floor so I could co-sleep with both my boys. We all got a great night sleep, including my husband. He never told on me to his mommy lol.
Is the house haunted?
Your MIL lectured you!? Tell her to mind her own business!
What happens in your house is between you and your husband, maybe your parents since your living in THEIR house but absolutely none of her business to lecture you.
Other than that I would tell husband if he wants to put her to bed then he can have at it, but after X amount of time trying you are going to bed and bringing her so everyone gets sleep. You work too and need your sleep as well.
Just ignore her. Thank her for her advice but at the end of the day y’all are the parents so her opinion doesn’t really matter. Maybe talk to ur SO about backing u. & in my opinion she’s old enough where its not that big of a deal. Honestly I’ve slept w my son since he was 3 months old & never had a problem or even close. Next time around I’m gonna try harder to have baby sleep in its own crib but I needed sleep!
Then tell him to effing do it. He works but so do you and it doesn’t end when you get home as the mom! Hellll nahhhh
Tell your husband that’s part of being a father, he can get her back to sleep then🤷🏼♀️ if you work too it shouldnt be on you 100% or let baby sleep with you and hubby can sleep in her room.
Tell them both off and get some sleep girl!
you both have demanding jobs so why does he get to sleep? If he doesn’t like the baby in bed then have him get up.
Does your Mom work? If she’s retired she might be able to help. When my son went through problems sleeping my Mom moved in and we took turns getting him back to sleep.
Do what work for you ! U the one who have to take care of yourself…
Sweetheart, ignore her. I know you don’t think so right now but you are a rockstar. Maybe you could try and exchange the crib for a cosleeper or even improvise by taking one of the rails off and using a sheet of plywood to wedge beneath your bed and the mattress of the crib so that they don’t separate?
Welcome to parenthood dude… He he’s that uncomfortable he can either put her back to bed or hit the couch…
Tell HIM…to go sleep with HIS mother…
Your poor bubby isn’t use to your current living situation tell your hubby it will get back to normal when you have your own place again (in which bubby will need settling in time there too) in regards to your mil straight up say “I appreciate your trying to help but your not so please hold your unwanted comments to yourself I don’t need the added stres”
What about putting a bed in her room for you to sleep? I literally had to move into our living room bc I needed sleep so bad with twins.
You’re the one losing sleep so you do what you need to do. They’ll get over it or under it. Nobody is a professional mother, do what works for you & your child. Mother in laws are annoying anyways.
I’d fuck him up if he has a problem he should have came to you not run to his mommy. If he has a problem then his ass needs to get out of bed and take care of that baby. You’re too nice
Find a sleep training method that works for you. Your daughter is a year old you don’t have to let her cry all night but there are ways to get her to self soothe.
In the same boat. My husband has started sleeping on the couch because I won’t put our son in his crib. When I do he wakes up pissed and is up allllll night while my husband snores away. He works and I stay at home but I need sleep too. When he starts helping with him when he wakes up, then he can have a say on where baby sleeps.
Tell her she raised her kids to let you raise yours. Your husband needs to communicate with you about your all’s life not his mother that is just gonna cause conflict. And with the moving and everything is different for the child. Notice it happened when you moved. You still have to try and stick to the routine you had before and get her use to the new place. Good luck.
Because he works 15 hours a day, he cant get up with his daughter?
You work as well. Have him do some wake ups through the week.
Tell your MIL to shove it.
He can step up or shut up. I don’t get it you work he works why cant he help with the baby? He can sure complain about you and how you care for the baby but he can’t help? No way
Talk to your hubby and explain your side and that this is short term. Also talk through boundaries with parents. Your MIL should not be talking to you about this and your hubby shouldnt be talking to her about your relationship. Ask him to bring it to you first, especially when you both are under so much stress.
Put a little mattress on the floor next to your bed so shes sleeping on her own but next to you tell hubby if he has a problem to talk to you and not his mummy your his wife have respect other wise it will end up causing conflict between you and the mil
I’d tell my MIL to shut the hell up and mind her own business. If your husband is so uncomfortable with baby in the bed, he can go sleep with his mommy.
If she said it in a rude way. Tell her off. But if not, explain to her the problem.
Then go to your husband and tell him off. The jack ass doesn’t get to sleep all the time. You also work. He is a parent too and needs to pull his weight. He isn’t useless. He is able to help with the baby. Tell him to step up.
You can order a “side car”, it is a crib that attaches to your bed and makes the baby feel like they’re in your bed. Then you can reach out and touch her and check on her and she will be happy
Give him mind-blowing sex more often than not and in the morning you tell him how much you love and appreciate his patience during this difficult time. That would be my solution. You can also sit down with him and ask him to help you come up with a better solution as you realize he is unhappy because his mother had a talk with you. If she spoke out of turn I’m sure he will put her into place… I feel like women have been so led to fear our femininity that we forget how to use it to control men and yes we control them with it
What wrong with putting her in bed with you she is not sure whats happening and loves the company of mum and dad she feels secure and everyone gets a great sleep
I’d kick my husband out of the bed and just share it with the kid, I coslept with my daughter, it was the only way she slept, and honestly I don’t blame her, we all crave love and attention, and babies don’t understand why they are being left alone.
My husband got me a king sized bed when I was pregnant so that me, him and the baby all fit, and if the older kid has a nightmare and wants to sleep with mom, dad goes and sleeps on the couch, this way the whole house gets better sleep
The way I see it is TOO BAD. Your husband can suck it up or sleep in a different room or the couch. I am due in Jan and I made it perfectly clear to my bf that the baby will be sleeping with us. He isn’t exactly happy about it but he understands that I will be the one up with him the most and I have to do what I can to preserve my sanity best I can. I have other kids to tend to during the day also so nights need to be smooth as possible. I hope he will learn that parenthood is bending to what works best for BOTH parents and baby and not just what he wants. And your mother in law needs to keep her nose on her face and out of your business. She probably means well but unless she has a solution or offers help she can kick rocks.
It’s none of your MIL business! Your husband needs to realize YOU work full time too and it’s your parents house. I would look into a twin size bed to put in your daughters room, so when she wakes up you can lay down with her in the bed or I would tell my husband if it’s such a big issue then go lay on the floor in his daughter’s room and see if he gets any sleep at night
Have a decent play time before bath , use lavender baby soap. We play mommy says ( Simon says) before bath time …lots or jumping, dancing , and mental workouts as well for 18 months it would be things like where’s your nose , eyes, toes etc. get baby to help pick up . It helped mine …we have 6kids in the house n I work 12hr nights …so I feel your pain on lack of sleep
Sound like you have TWO CRYBABIES in your hands good luck , I haven’t had a full good night rest in YEARS between bAbies and toddlers
Well I’d be saying to hubby if he doesn’t like it feel free to get up to her himself end of story it’s his child to.
On word frying pan to the head
If he is just too tired to help tell him he’s definitely to tired to even have an opinion! You both work tell him to fix it or deal with the situation at hand!
Do what you need to do momma! Your husband needs to grow some balls and communicate with you and not go off and complain to his mommy!! Your little one isn’t used to your current living situation, so she as well is having a hard time. Hang in there, hopefully it won’t be much longer for your big move
Be on the real no one can help u until u had enough I seen meany woman ask for help then go right back to it put him out cut ties are stuck it up and keep being his punching bag his sex toy his slave what ever it may be but u had the power to leave him but 11 years putting up with it tell me to things it’s not love that keep u there it fear of him
Sleep on the couch then. Find an alternative.
I understand where he’s coming from. Im another parent that doesn’t agree with co sleeping.
- Hubby works and needs good sleep.
- Your bed is a place for rest, reconnect time, and intimacy with your spouse.
- If you’re a stay at home mom then it’s our job to get our kids into a routine and stick to it.
As the parent u are the boss. Stick too the routine and rules. Don’t start early with allowing children to call the shots. If the child is sick then rules can slack but always make sure they go back.
Alot of parents don’t agree with my opinion but remember, it’s just my opinion🤷♀️take it or leave it
They have co sleepers that attached to the bed. So baby still feels close to you
Tell him to get the fuck over it or help with the baby. And to quit whining to his mommy like a little bitch
Unless your husband is going to get up and take care of her so you can get a few hours of shut eye, he has no say. It sounds like your daughter is looking for comfort/security after being moved around. Your husband should either take care of her for a night or shut up and deal.
Tell him to find a solution that works and after one week of him implementing said solution, you will gladly follow suit!
Get a bed and sleep on her room with her
Maybe try a pack and play to put baby asleep in in the room with you but not in the bed.
First of all your MIL can go effe herself because it’s not your fault she raised a whiny little bitch who instead of speaking to you about YOUR situation went crying to his mommy about it.
And secondly, if your husband has a problem with your solution to the situation then HE can get up and take care of the baby. You’re working too so why does that excuse him from responsibility and inconvenience? You know what’s also inconvenient? Pregnancy. Labor. Delivery. Post partum recovery. You didn’t make that baby alone, that’s also his responsibility so he can either show you his solution or he can stfu along with his mommy who had no right butting in to say shit to you.
I love my husband, and since having become a SAHM I try to make his life easier at home but by now means am I going to bend over backwards for him, killing myself, when he doesn’t make an effort. Not only that but he cowardly went to tell his mother so that she could fix it for him. Fuck that. Women need to stop enabling men with this bs already! I see people saying, give him good sex and try to make it easier for him. What the actual fuck? Apologize for a baby being a baby and a mother being a mother? No no no. Just fucking no.
Please be careful though. Be safe. I would get a cosleeper just to be safe Redirecting...
Well, everyone is saying that the husband should suck it up and deal with it. While i am in total agreement, this doesnt help the situation or give you advice.
I had a co sleeper, which was wonderful. Except my child grew out of it by 6 months so get a LARGE cosleeper if you are doing that. I also say that she is in a new routine and is its a different place than normal. I usually put my son in bed with us until he falls asleep and then i move him back to his room and that seems to work. Just find a routine that works and stick with it. What is gonna happen when you move again and this happens all over? As for the MIL, I would explain the situation to her and calmly tell her that unless she has useful input, that her comments are not needed or helpful. For the husband, sit his butt down and tell him he needs to come to you about this stuff. Maybe a night of him dealing with it is needed because he doesnt know the feeling of being sleep deprived and having to work. 1 night should do the trick and when he puts her to sleep in your bed, just explain that you are stuck in the same boat.
You got this mama!
Maybe put a twin size bed in the baby’s room?
You work he works you both need sleep, he doesn’t understand how draining it is on you, let him do the night run and see how he feels about it, it’s up to you if you want to co sleep not his mothers if he’s that worried he can leave the bed n sleep on sofa you both need sleep
Your mother-in-law starts lecturing you tell her. He might tell you his business but your not getting in mine tell her you will deal with the baby your way you need just as much sleep as he does and he doesn’t get off his ass and take care of the baby so he just shut his damn mouth and tell her again my business is not yours and walk away or hang up
if the front of her crib comes off u can put it next to the bed so she still has her own space but ur right there for her as well. that way its a win win for everyone…also dont let ur mil dictate what u do to make ends meet. ur not living with her so its none of her business in the first place.
Tell your husband that if he has a problem with you bringing the baby in bed with you so that everyone in the house can sleep, he can start getting up with her. Actually, make him do that a couples nights. A few nights of no sleep and having to powers through work after a rough night will make him change his tune real quick. You both work and you are in someone else’s house, he can deal until your own house is ready.
On the weekend or your day off, let her cry it out in her bedroom. It might be loud for a night or two but it should break her of the habit.
Use her crib let one side down and connect it to your bed. Best thing ever
Your both parents he needs to step.up too so you can rest.
I’d go apeshit on my DH if he did something like to to his mom on something like that AND then nicely tell MIL its none of her damn business
Tell the mil to mind her damn business! Tell him to quit being a punk and deal with you for your marriage and family issues quit bringing people in your business
Get a bed in her room.
I got myself a nice chair/recliner and the baby and I slept there on the long nights
I don’t have a problem whatsoever with cosleeping with your baby. Y’all need sleep!
If your husband is pitching a fit about the baby being in bed with you two, I would buy an air mattress and sleep with the baby on it, he can sleep on the couch and you and the baby can sleep in bed together or some other arrangement. In a blink they grow up! This too shall pass. Your baby needs you right now. You sleep with your baby. <3
My partner told me with our first when he wasn’t sleeping to bring him to our bed and if he needed to he would sleep on the couch as I needed sleep just as much as he did. I have many times over past 6 years bring one of my 3 into bed, sometimes all 3 and my partner would move to the couch and has never complained, because we do what we have to do to, fatigue is very dangerous especially on the roads, would he rather have his daughter in bed so you can sleep or get a phone call that you fell asleep behind the wheel?
Well. For starters. Your MIL needs to shut her mouth. Not her kid. Not her problem.
I went through this with my son (he’s only 8 months old) but in order for my partner to sleep. I took my son out to the fold out couch and slept out there with him while my partner slept in the bed.
(My partner wasn’t comfortable sleeping with our son in the same bed, so we compromised)
Some nights my partner would take the fold out and my son and I shared the bed.
Does she have a nightlight? Have you tried soft music? For the first few weeks my son would only sleep if Ed Sheeran was playing in the background.
Invest in a fold out couch or an air mattress! That way it’s the best of both worlds.
Let her wake everyone in the house a few nights in a row, then maybe you’ll get some compassion.
I’m a sahm and I cosleep. I dont like it but I have an autoimmune disease, and I’m too exhausted by the end of the day to then pull an all nighter, because if I try to put my kids back in bed they just lay there awake and crying until morning. The last time I tried to get them to sleep I spent from 12 until 6am trying, I refuse. My husband said something about it one time and I asked him if he wanted to do the job of staying up with them while they “suck it up and sleep in their beds”. And he said no, and then tried to tell me that it wouldnt be that tough since I dont work. And i asked him how much we owed the magical fairies that do everything in the house and childcare department. You work, she is 18 months old. You are building a new house. You need to tell him and tell his mother in law that unless they want to swap places they can shut it. When you guys move, start a new routine, and she will probably follow. Until then, do what you have to. Sleep is needed and if you have to cosleep then you have to. I personally hate cosleeping and I cant wait until my kids learn to stay in bed but if I have to give up all my sleep every single night for that to happen then it’s not worth it.
If he’s uncomfortable with her sleeping in the bed, than he can wake up and work on getting her back to sleep. You have to sleep too!
Tell your mother in law to mind her own buiness first off and tell him to go sleep at his mommas till y’alls house is finished. Problem solved
Maybe try having dad do it a night or two so you can get solid sleep.
Also if she is taking a nap try to make it earlier in the day. Talk to your daycare provider & explain. Another thing is to play with her before bath time. Get her wore out. Try lavender baby bath & lotion.
First thing to address is the running off to mommy business. It’s a nasty relationship killer, and it needs to stop. You need to draw a clear boundary right now that what happens between the two of you stays between the two of you. He can’t go cry to mama every time you don’t do what he wants. Period. It’s a quick trip to Divorceville.
Secondly, I know you need your sleep. But co-sleeping has resulted in infant deaths. Is there anyway you can attach the baby’s crib to your bed? Or I have seen small cribs that are like little bassinets that can go on or beside your bed. Maybe you can check with your pediatrician for somw ideas?
Compromise is key. Everyone needs sleep. Either y’all take turns, get a cosleeper next to the bed, a recliner in your room or hers or he can sleep on couch or floor. If he’s uncomfortable, that’s ok, not everyone wants a baby in the bed, it can be dangerous. Just ask him for suggestions on how to fix the problem so everyone can get sleep or maybe your parents have suggestions. Tell MIL to butt out, her son should man up and talk to you about such things, not run to mommy. Commumication, compromise and sacrafice are most important in relationships.
Put a bed in her room or a futon you can both sleep in.
This is literally the post right above yours.
He has a few options here: he can put her back to bed or stay with her or take her for a ride in the car…or…he can sleep through the night peacefully after you get up and put her in bed with you. Also…his mother is not invited to the parenting method discussion.
Tell him he can get up and take care of her. If he’s got that big of an issue. I told my boyfriend if he didn’t like it he could get up and put her back to sleep and that if she didn’t go back to sleep he could stay up with her. I don’t care how much they work. I work too. I need to be fully functional at my job too. They made a baby too.
Um if he has a problem with it then he needs to help out, 15 hours working or not. You are not the only one who brought her into this world.
Tell your husband to suck it up the house is almost done and then you’ll be going back to your own home
Then I must be awful because I have done with all 5 of my children at one point or another… Worked 40+ a week I had to sleep
Its biologically normal and healthy to sleep with your child. If your husband is uncomfortable he can go sleep on the couch🤷♀️
I totally understand and it’s hard. My 3yr old still wakes in the night sometimes and just climbs in bed with us and goes right back to sleep and if I want sleep then I let him and Dad understands
Hey girl. You’re working, sleeping, building a house, and your dealing with your mil.
Go get some wine and chocolate and tell them…you’re right. Then let your daughter cause unholy hell and sit back to watch the fire.
And tell your mil that she already raised her kid.
My son slept through the night until he turned a year old. We put him to bed with us my husband has never complained he puts him to sleep every night.
Can you get a twin size bed or a day bed and put it in the room where she sleeps? Then you can go sleep in that room with her, in a bed, comfortable. But then expect your husband to complain that you are not sleeping with him. Sometimes there is just no pleading a man, so just please yourself. Your life is your journey.
He should have spoken to you before he went to his mother but I say do what you need to do. If he doesn’t feel comfortable he can stay up with her?
Tell your husband it’s not kool to run to your mama this is way there are always problems with in laws keep personal shit between husband an wife
My son is 9 months old, doesn’t quite sleep through the night and I don’t expect him to. It’s on his own time. I just work with it. He normally wakes up every 4 hours for some boobie and I put him back to bed. When he wakes up between 3-4 am, I keep him in bed with me. On weekends it’s in bed with his mama and daddy. At first his dad was uncomfortable with it when I first started laying him in bed with us when I breastfed. He was afraid we would lay on him. I just reassured him once you get used to it, it’s like you feel them squirm around and you immediately get up. So he warmed up to it and we just work with it. Sometimes I wish he’d get up and take him from the crib and bring him to bed for me, but I don’t expect it. I’ve been doing it myself for awhile. It’s okay though. Haha.
That grandma just needs to keep her nose in her own book. You do what works for you mama!
I believe you when you say you need sleep! First 3 weeks I was so angry all the time. My newborn was so simple and I was the one making it complicated. Figured I did need sleep so I prioritized it. Pushed off evening cleaning to go to bed right after he went to sleep. I felt so much better and I wasn’t getting upset as much when I had to wake up through the night. Sleep is important!
Put a mattress on the floor by her bed and sleep on it.
Well I would say let him get up wth her for awhile and he will change his mind and prob do the same thing.
I assume daughter still sleeps in a crib? Is there room for you to put a twin size bed in her room or a blow up mattress and sleep with her in there when she won’t go back to sleep? Your husband will probably start to complain that you aren’t sleeping with him, but he’s just going to have to get over that.￼
We moved into our new house in Feb and immediately started renovations and didnt have my son’s crib brought up and put together. We have since added to our family and my husband has changed to night shift at his work. My son and I share a king sized bed. We both get the sleep we need and don’t worry about who it upsets.
I would say you both have jobs and both need sleep maybe put a bed on the floor in her room and lay with her on it.
1st of all, tell your mil that your sleeping arrangements are none of her business, and that if I want to know advice, u will ask, but until then, butt out. 2- tell your man if he has a problem with something, he needs to come to u, not run to his momma. And 3rd, tell him if he doesn’t like her in your bed, he can get up with her. If he refuses to, let her wake up everyone (let your parents know ahead of time what u are gonna do), and when everyone wakes up & is grumbling about her, just say "well, I asked hubby to get up with her since he didn’t want me to sleep with her in our bed, so I didn’t know what else to do & I didn’t have the energy to sit up all night in her room with her. " Then shrug & get your daughter, lay her in your bed, roll over & go to sleep. Then hopefully that will get the point across to him
I’m sorry but he’s a father. Welcome to the world of having kids. Tell him if he doesn’t like it then go sleep on the couch. It’s not fair u have to deal with it all.