I find that every night I wake up because my thoughts aren’t helping me sleep. I have 2 beautiful boys and my husband does help out. But sometimes/ most times I’m at a loss. Im expected to do all housely chores, work, I do all the projects and homework, I set up everything for everyone from diapers and desitin to school snack and uniforms. I work at the school my boys attend. My oldest unfortunately spends most of his time in my class doing his work. All I do is work and do things for this family. How is it that because I on top of all of that don’t have time to just play with the boys. I’d love to but I’m making sure not to forget anything. Mind you I’m ADD and it’s very difficult to stay on a task at a time I take a bit longer to do certain tasks. I don’t go out with gf and party and drink or smoke. Or hang out a gfs houses. I just work and work and deal with my “ responsibilities but nothing is enough. I’ve also been told that I do not spend anytime at work with my kids mind u I spend the entire day with the oldest practically and check on the little one every chance I get. I make sure they aren’t missing anything. So here’s the issue my stress level is very high. I suffer from panic attacks. I feel like my SO/ husband doesn’t see all I do. I mess up something and it’s all don’t make excuses. If I’m making milk for my kids bedtime routine and the something happens in the living room while I’m doing that and preparing the oldest ones snacks . This man assumed I was focused on my sons cartoons and not paying attention my phone was in my bedroom too so ruled out. He says I’m making excuses. And that how come he can’t take a calm shower. Im like i ear standing up most days. I shower with my little one most days. Where’s my peace. He has never hit me but he will scream and bring up that I’m lacking as a mom and that his attraction for me has decreased because I’m missing things in his opinion in my mothering. He yells and gets pretty red. Im at a loss i really don’t know what else am expected to do. Also the stress of not being able to have time to work and lose weight has me flustered aswell but I don’t lose weight with stress it becomes worse. It’s like I’m expected to be mom Barbie who’s like Mary poppins. Not sure if I’m wrong but geez I’m a teacher I work all day and then come home and I’m always with the kids. Im not sure what else can I do as I can’t even please this man. I’m confused if he loves me. Im confused because he works from home all day all alone in front of the computer. I don’t I work with 15 4th graders and have my two boys with me all day there. So I’m wondering am I missing something. All I do is work. I can’t even make me time. And to get us time. Idk why I feel he provokes situations to avoid these. For 2/14 I wrote him a card lovely message and it was sitting on the table all day. He came to read it 2/15. I’m trying but I’m not super lol I’m not fast I’m not my oldself flat stomach could wear anything. I’m a mom. But I’m struggling to find peace. I’m waking up every night with the thought that maybe he’s just tolerating me for the kids but it’s a put down. Like if I’m incapable or have an incapacity to do certain things but I do it all. If anyone of you can clear some stuff up for me. To ease my mind. Sometimes I just think I’ll never be good enough what is good enough. He didn’t always bring up my faults. I’m trying within my efforts. I do come home exhausted but still do everything where’s my excuses. How am I making excuses if I do it all. My kids have their clothes. My kids get fed and have their food. My boys have toys. They live in a clean home some weeks I clean better than others. Maybe if I was housewife. But I can’t stand not making money and have to depend on a man. I e been working since I was 17 years. Never stopped. Sorry for the vent but I need to know I’m not crazy and maybe what I can do to change his perception.
Ooooooo, I had this problem as well! Fortunately, I was able to figure out a way around it and help my husband fix his BS, but it does take need him to be willing. I will be short with my advice, but it will be pretty blunt tbh.
-Don’t give a crap about what he says, and ignore his yelling. That’s the first step to take bc it will help with your mental health, understand that you have a right to be confident enough to know he is wrong with that crap and you aren’t going to listening to lies. Secondly, understand that even though he is not physically abuse, this is a form of abuse and needs to stop. At first, I was understanding, but eventually when it didn’t stop I got nasty about it. (Understand that I was confident he would never strike me, though.) I told him “you will shut your mouth the next time you have something negative to say about me, I will not listen to it any longer as nothing you say actually helps anyone except your own selfish desire to feel superior. The next time you do decide to open your mouth and spew nasty things about me or the children, I will go out of my way to make you regret every word you spoke. You will no longer have any say in how I run things until you get up, get active with the home and family, and start to respect the others who live here. Until you make the effort to do that, zip it.”
I did not yell, but said this calmly so he understood I was no longer playing around and his crap was no longer going to be acceptable in my home. Until he can do what you can do, he can shush it. I have adhd and autism, so I understand completely how hard this exact situation is. Eventually, after I said this, he got mean for a bit. I always stayed calm and never gave into his crap, as that behavior is crap. Later, I ended up asking him that if he didn’t like how things were ran, why he didn’t get his butt up and do it himself?
This type of behavior is usually a symptom of men who are unhappy and depressed, so understand it will be hard for him to understand he is being so abusive and toxic, but also remember that it does not excuse his behavior and he needs to grow up. His opinion of you DOES NOT justify your worth, and it never will and never should.
Plain and simple, you work your a$$ off for your family, have made sacrifices for your family, so your worth has no ties to how he may feel about you in any moment.
Final point: DO NOT be his therapist, nobody has time for that. He either gets professional help if possible and you see him making an effort to change, or you leave him. It’s a rough point of view, but that type of abusive behavior is inexcusable no matter the past or reasoning. He needs to do better asap, bc you deserve better.
P.s. make time for yourself if possible by having the kids go to their friends or family members homes, and then just go eat by yourself or smtn. A husband is not there to define your worth or happiness, you define that yourself and deserve high levels in both categories. Good luck!
P.P.S. darlin, if he EVER hits you, you have 2 options. Take photo evidence, and run with the kids to family and never go back. The other is not one I would reccomend since you have kids, but my policy has been “the price of hitting and abusing a spouse is a hospital trip”.
You got this, and he either understands or loses his most valuable aspect of life. Put the ball in your court.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband constantly tells me I do not do anything
You know the answer to this one. That’s mental abuse and it’s worse then physical abuse. If you think you can live this way, then stay with him. If not then leave. No one deserves to be put down.
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He. Needs A. Rule. Reversal. See. How. He. Deals. Putz
Throw the whole man away
I read the first sentence & then skipped your looong vent paragraph 
You do not have to justify yourself to him at all
this paragraph should be sent to him & let him digest it for a week considering you as a very strong mate on his side 
You are wonderful & a super mom 
Pray for your hubby, ask God to open his eyes & heart for you being on his side & keep doing what you can, without collapsing
We all love you & are proud of you 
I would’ve been gone!
Get yourself into therapy. You are carrying a huge load and need something for yourself. As far as I can tell you are doing an awesome job for everyone but yourself. You need to understand what your husband is doing to you and how to deal with it. By the way, tell that fool where to go
I just did a quick skim, but you have a narcissist on your hands and a person who will never value any contribution you make because he does not value you. That’s what it boils down to.
The marriage needs to be over. He is gaslighting and narcissistic. Believe me, I know from experience. Better to leave now than suffer any longer. You only live once! They don’t change and it only gets worse.
He will never change- you will leave when you are ready. Just remember you are already doing it all by yourself
It’s called being married to a narcissist!!! Get out now or you’ll lose yourself completely!!!
Omg I would leave him with the children and go and have a weekend away with the girls and she how he copes
Honey, you know you do above and beyond. No need to explain, tell your husband when he does everything you do for a week, then he may criticize 
Wow 
you sound like you need a vacation. Some time to yourself. Sounds like he’s not appreciating all you do.
Instead of asking yourself what more you can do, ask yourself what more HE can do. He’s home all day. He can run the washer and dryer and fold and put the clothes away while he’s working. He can play with the kids while you make dinner and then he can do the dishes so you can play with the boys or get them to bed. Sounds like you need to pack a bag and leave from work on Friday and return late Sunday night and see how he feels about how much you’re doing versus how much he’s doing.
Mental abuse it’s only going to get worse leave now
Honey sometimes nothing you do is good enough for the person you aren’t meant to be with. If you truly think you are meant to be sit him down and tell him how you feel. If he loves you hell understand and you both can work on making things better. If he doesn’t want to work on things and you can’t be happy together eventually all the stress will effect your kids and they’ll feel the tension. But in my opinion most guys don’t realize all the little things moms do. But best believe the one full weekend I left my husband in charge he realized how quick things can get out of hand or missed.
You are definitely not crazy, he is definitely a narcissist through and through.
Projecting his own feelings that he isn’t doing enough on you. Clutter may be a trigger for anything slightly cluttered may trigger him.
Get rid of him. Good grief you’ve got a full load.
He is definitely a narcissist and is gaslighting you. Please contact a womans shelter because you need some counseling because you are being abused.
Honey, there’s nothing wrong with you. He’s an asshole. It’s time to find a lawyer, file for divorce, get custody of the kids, child support, and throw his narcissistic butt out. If you have to do it all yourself, all you’ll be losing is the criticism and the headache. He’s verbally and mentally abusing you. You don’t deserve that. Throw him out or take the kids and leave.
Dude get rid of that man child. Boy 
Hes the one that needs to get off his ass and help out more
You have to settle your mind that on some days your enough is actually enough and be ok with that. Take care of you and your children. He is a grown man. You are his wife not his mother and maid. He can either step up or step out.
He’s a narcissist… verbally and mentally abusive and he’s not going to change. So you either leave soon or your going to keep being miserable and continue to be put down.
Here’s my take, for whatever it’s worth.
If I’m going to be working and doing it all alone, I’ll be alone. So many better men out there that will willingly help out and make sure your needs are met as well. Meaning take care of you, mind & body. Whether it’s a take today off and enjoy a spa day or I know it’s been a rough day, let me give you a massage.
Those men are out there and you deserve one.
Here are some books I encourage you to check out:
Fair play by Eve Rodsky
This is how your marriage ends by Matthew Fray.
You KNEW this before you were married or had kids!!
He sounds like a real piece of work that’s mental abuse!!!
Leaving would be my only option. If you’re already doing it alone, why do you need him around to make things worse. I think you’d feel a weight lifted off your chest by dumping his ass as soon as possible !
It’s time to say “bye-bye-bye.”
I know how to feel better get rid of the main stressor 
Sit down with him, tell him what you are telling us. Tell him how you feel. He’ll listen if he loves you. At the rate you’re going you are going to lose yourself. Make time for you. Make time for the two of you. Don’t let him turn this around on you. You deserve peace of mind. Does he attempt to make time for you or his kids?
Mental abuse get out i was in one.i found mea good man now 16 yrs u do not deserve
It’s time to take the kids and leave he’s verbally abusive
First, he’s an ass. Where does he get the right to belittle you? Keep a notebook for a week, writing down all that you do. Keep it. Write down his complaints, his belittling. And do realize that your children are listening and learning how to treat you and eventually other women.
You need to leave him. I have a feeling you’ll much more happier as a single mom to your children then living in a home where you’re constantly walking on eggshells not knowing what you did wrong to make him mad again or when the next put down will be etc. stress can literally k*ll you it’s not a myth either it truly can. Please consider leaving this emotionally and mentally abusive man. You’re already working you already do everything a single mom would do anyways
Are you on meds for your ADD? That might help you feel less overwhelmed. But also he needs to be helping instead of just getting angry.
Oof this made me mad for you and sad at the same time. You, mama, are OVERwhelmed. Ive seen quite a few posts regarding men/husbands being this way and personally, myself, will not stay with someone like this. Not for my kids or myself bc all it does is make things worse. He needs help (mentally) and needs to put himself in your shoes. It must be nice for him to work from home and not do anything else. I could possibly understand some of his frustrations if you stayed at home but I’m a single SAHM and it’s no cake walk so working and coming home to still work and a husband who is supposed to be your partner not your boss, b!tching at you is FN ridiculous. No way in hell I’d keep taking it. I’d tell him how I felt and that he could start pulling some of his own weight since he helped make those children and if he couldn’t get on board, he could find the door!
Leave him, get on proper meds for the ADD and just do it all yourself since you are anyway.
Dont do anything for 1 day and show him what doing nothing looks like
You sound like a greaT Little Mama
A Teacher too
Way CooL
Lose the dude
Live a Happy Life
You need to have a sit down heart to heart conversation with your husband. Explain your stress, discuss expectations and then make a decision. If this behavior is too much, then separating may be the only way to protect you physical and mental health . Therapy, either for you or conjoint. You will forever be linked to this man because if your children. I hope you find a way to be happy, not stressed.
I got 3 words for you… FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
That is all.
Dude, just bounce. You’re doing it qll anyway. Why even stay to hear that shit.
You are a good mom. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do, it is never enough for the wrong person. Your husband is toxic. If you want my advice, you need to either leave him or set him straight immediately. You do not want your boys treating their future spouses this way. He is their example. Please think about this. You need to help yourself to help your children.
This may be a hard thing to here but what you’re describing is abuse. He is emotionally and mentally abusing you. Def do not leave your job to be a stay at home mom bc then he will be able to control financially too. It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job with your kids and your job. There is nothing else that you should be doing. He is the one who needs to do better. He is home all day? Working at his computer? He should be helping with the cooking and cleaning and getting school lunches and snacks together. He should be keeping watch over the kids when you are tied up with something else. You are stressed and having panic attacks bc he is gaslighting you into thinking that there’s something wrong with you. There’s not. If you have not heard of it before please look up the term gaslighting. You would most likely be happier on your own than with him. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. I’m so sorry that you’re going thru this. You deserve a partner not an abuser.
It’s called putting you down so he doesn’t have to look at himself and all his faults.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and being treated that way and so unappreciated you shouldn’t have to live like that and I’m so sorry that you are his attitude toward you is not gonna change and instead trying to always please and unappreciated man just start trying to please yourself try and get you a babysitter for a few hours a week for a day to yourself to like go get your nails done or just go to a quiet coffee shop and relax because he’s going to try and make it seem you’re doing wrong anyway you look at it so might as well have peace for yourself one day a week for few hours I hope things will change and like every one says you should leave him but its easier said than done sometimes I hope you all the best and please feel free to vent sometime that helps too just know you are a good mother and sounds like your doing great
So just a piece of advice from what I’ve dealt with in the past with my husband… Although he is very wrong and should not treat you that way at all… My husband has never treated me like that but what I found was when he was complaining about stuff like that was that that wasn’t his real issue. He was frustrated because he felt like HE needed more time and attention from me because I was so busy with everything else. Don’t know if that’s the same with your situation or not and I think he’s really in the wrong but just throwing that out there, you might ask him.
How much porn is he watching or who is he fantasizing about? Cause men do this crap when their doing something wrong.
They feel guilty and without the where with all , they start projecting.
It’s not you it’s him.
He is feeling like a crap partner. So he’s blaming you. It’s human psychology.
Tell him how you feel and what you need. If he isn’t willing to change leave him. You will be much better off.
This man is a lazy B_____D. Get on him and if he thinks you do nothing, stop everything and go out with the girls and see what he does then. I am not promoting disregard to him I am promoting “love yourself first”. Only when you feel you have worth can you proceed being a great wife and mother.
GET RID OF HIM… ALMOST ALL OF YOUR STRESS WILL BE GONE.
You don’t need him.
I bet he is doing something he shouldn’t be doing… my husband does the same shit when he thinks things are greener on the other side
you’re doing a great job! you sound like a wonderful mom and partner. sometimes people cant see what you do because you’re doing it all.
That’s toxic and will wear you down. Talk to him or do something to show him you’re serious. Like threaten to move out or ask him to leave. After all he won’t be missed as he does nothing and it’ll actually be less stressful without his yelling and belittling while you do it all anyway. I hope you find some relief.
He is toxic n mentally abusive
The kids will learn from him
You sound like your kicking a@#
I know it is hard but kick his a$$out you can do it without him
You want them to learn what love is not what it isnt
Third if all. He places himself above you. It happens a lot more than most people know. He has an entitles mentality and until he can humble himself … my husband had to be single (separated) before he became a good dad. And now he’s back in the house … who does most the house stuff… I and the older kids do
Is counseling for the two of you an option? Make him a list of ALL you do and end it with you would love to have a date night once, Hang in there
Blame this all on yourself first. If you allow people to walk over you believe me they will do just that. Raising a family is 50/50. He is taking advantage of you and it will get worst. He may even believe that he needs more and will justify his future actions. Put a stop to it now. If it doesnt stop then maybe he is not the person you thought he was and is not the right one. Respect, caring sharing, loyalty, loving all go hand in hand.
Nope, nope I stopped reading. I also have anxiety disorders without going too in depth let me tell you what a good relationship looks like. Yesterday I was exhausted after fiancé came home from work. He told me to take a shower that he has it from here. Everything was a mess. I get out of my nice long shower and I see the whole place is cleaned up and he’s reading my daughter books. Get you a man like that !!
He’s mentally, emotionally and verbally abusing you momma! No one deserves to live like that. He will never change. He will continue to abuse you as long as you allow him to do so. You’re doing it all on your own now, why’s he there? He’s definitely a narcissist. He doesn’t value you or anything you do.
Sounds like you do most things on your own anyway and can function without him… so why are you with him? No love. No appreciation. He’s mean. So what on earth do you need him for?
You’re a teacher so you’re obviously a reasonably intelligent person. Why is it you can’t see this man is abusing you? Furthermore your kids are seeing and hearing this constantly and they’re going to grow up thinking this is how to treat women or what to accept from a man. Kick this loser out of your life. You’re not relying on him for anything so what have you got to lose? All you’ll be short of is worry and stress!
He sound verbal abusive. Tell me to put himself in counseling and learn how to treat other people or your leaving.
You are not the problem, he is. First thing, print this out and responses; and let him read it.
You are both working, he needs to step it up and be your partner not your judge.
Do you have family you could stay with if need be? Otherwise if things don’t get better then go see a lawyer, and start planning for a departure.
Perhaps he is feeling overwhelmed as well. Not an excuse for his verbal abuse though.A little understanding on both your parts and a little conversation might help.If it doesn’t. Don’t take the the verbal abuse 1 more time.
There is nothing to do to change his perception. He’s a piece of crap plain and simple and YOU deserve better! Leave him and you’ll find your peace. Just because he doesn’t hit you does NOT mean he isn’t abusing you
This is abuse and you deserve better. Think about a life without him. No one screaming at you. No one putting pressure on you. No one calling you names or making you feel bad. You’d eventually have the opportunity to date someone worthy of you. Your boys wouldn’t have this horrible example of a man and human being around constantly. They wouldn’t grow up to think this is normal and is how they should treat their spouses in the future. You’d get to relax and spend time with you kids. You’d get to see your friends and have a life.
Ditch this dude, take child support, and never look back. You will thank yourself every day.
He’s not being supportive or appreciative of your hard work and devotion. If you express that to him when he’s calm and he starts bullying you again, you seriously might need to consider all your options as to a lifetime with this man. In the meantime, save as much as you can and create an exit plan from this toxic relationship. Hugs 
Find yourself he is no good for you or those boys cause when they grow up they may treat their wife’s the same you are stronger than you think and find someone that treats you equal not put you down and you do it all. Take care cab best to you and your boys.
First off, the screaming at you & getting red, is not okay. In no household is it okay for your spouse to be screaming at you like that. Its absolutely wrong & there’s ways to communicate without the trauma and fighting. A lot of people normalize it even though it’s not in any way alright. He is wrong for that & you shouldn’t put up with it. I really feel that he isn’t seeing how you feel whatsoever, he needs to look at himself as well. Just because you are the mother doesn’t mean you should be doing EVERYTHING. I have felt overwhelmed as well, so I get it. You have to talk to him about how you feel & he needs to learn how to listen & communicate better. Small changes can make a big difference. At the end of the day you don’t deserve that. If he is committed to working on things then good, if he continues to treat you that way resentment will build, and he will potentially lose his wife. You sound like a great mother & deserve to be seen that way.
As a mom with the same mental health issues you have and I used to be a teacher as well. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are strong and everything your doing is enough. I was blessed with an amazing husband who worked and gave me the checks to pay the bills and manage the house so I could stay home and not be so stressed. If you want your relationship to work it times to have a serious talk about expectations. Society has made men believe they just work and that’s it but now it’s like they want you to work and be super mom while they work and try to have chill time. While he may not be physically abusive he is in other ways. If it were me I would take a vacation from work, clean the house and leave him with the kids for either a weekend or a whole week. Let him see everything you have to deal with. He will either realize it’s not as easy as you make it look and change or he won’t and you’ll know it’s time to move on. And if you leave he’ll get the kids for shared custody and you will get the time you need for you while the kids are away with him.
Make sure your taking medicine and tell your giving three days notice that you’re taking a couple days off and let him deal with the house,kids and whatever comes up, go to a movie or dinner my yourself or get a friend to go with you. Don’t answer your phone(we survived before phones).
You set up a system, you leave NO slack for him to pick up. DELEGATE your needs. Do you realize that dishes can wait? Laundry CAN wait. He can fold and put dishes away. Leave him in charge of menu planning. Do grocery pick up. MAKE THE TIME TO PLAY!!!
It should be a partnership. NO ADULT SHOULD BE SCREAMING AT THEIR SPOUSE!!! Please know your worth! This will damage your kids. So sorry you are going through.
Focus on you and your kids.
Tell him…time to daddy up! Of you split…he’ll get visitation… you’ll have YOU time on his weekends.
He’s lacking. Anytime some acts out like that just simply say you must think I’m a mirror. And walk away. Just like children, we do not accept poor behaviour. Treat him like a child. Ask him if he needs to take time to cool off in his room and he can come communicate when he finds the positive way to get his point across. Just be so calm, don’t pick up after him, don’t entertain his piss poor attitude. Ask him if there’s something bothering him that he would like to discuss or to drop it and move on. My other half used to be so miserable, then one day I just quit. My job is my children. That’s it. His mother can have him back lol piss on that non scenes
You are doing a fantastic job and deserve more. What’s he doing to you is keeping you down so he can control you forever. Someone like him is an insure little human being jerk. You are smart and beautiful and don’t let him convince you otherwise.
He may not be hitting you but he is abusing you. You are not the problem here.
Out of all you had to say, you forgot to ask a question. There is no answer for the question you didn’t ask.
He stays home and works? Then you should come home to a
Clean house, supper started and he should be ready to entertain the kids while you take a shower.
if all he is doing is working from home and you’re doing everything else… get help, if he won’t got with you, go for yourself. Then reevaluate your relationship, you’re doing it all.
sounds like he has a “girlfriend” and is trying to justify his evil.
Slow down girl. Give yourself the credit you deserve. Your a full time mom ( that’s job #1)housekeeper#2) bookkeeper #3) Let him handle the home and children fora long weekend!! Give yourself a day off.
Tell him if he can do better then by all means. If he has a problem then help or tell him you have to go out to watch his kids and come back and see how he feels. Or get a camera and put it up so he can watch. Any way you put you are do a damn good job. I am sorry
That’s abuse. Kick him out. Even if only for a separation.
Sounds like you don’t have a partner…you have an abusive asshole. Personally I’d tell he yells one more time or makes out that I’m not doing enough and he can go. You are doing way more than your fair share. Where is his household responsibilities or his parenting?? I’d plan to be free of him.
Tell him you want a divorce and then he won’t have to worry about it
Yeah this screams abuse and honestly, you’d have more peace if he wasn’t there
I am no one to judge but if i were you i would divorce his ass cuz he does not deserve you and all you do . Life is to short to be miserable and he is the pos here not you !!!
You deserve so much better
He is abusive. That’s abuse. You’re already doing everything. Make him move out and do everything in PEACE.
He’s a narcistic personality , this is his problem. Stop taking it on yourself !
That is how he gets his supply to make himself feel better.
Get Counceling right away to help you sort yourself out. Listen to yourself , stop letting him place doubts in your head. Start getting with your friends again . Your house can be lived in that’s their purpose.
Start enjoying yourself. Learn to say no to him.
When he starts tell him you agree and it’s time and don’t be afraid . Your already doing it on your own. He’s abusing you to make himself feel better, people that didn’t grow up with this do not recognize it.
Stop Stop Stop
Just Be You !
Your teaching your children this home life is acceptable and it’s not , your allowing abuse that they will repeat .
They will find the same emotional partner you did .
Be a good momma which I believe your a awesome momma and LOVE yourself you will set boundaries don’t allow this anymore it’s damaging to yourself and changes the people your children will become. Love yourself enough to vet back with friends to have a life for yourself and include family get Counceling be honest with them !
Pull yourself up today and give you the Blessings you deserve . Your already doing everything anyway.
THIS IS NOT LOVE
THIS IS NOT LOVE
For you or your children . Get yourself a support system right away!
Run Don’t Walk your not living a healthy emotional or physical life . I think he likes you over weight and beaten down .
It’s Control !!
Recognize the signs
God Bless you 
Love yourself enough
Your worth it 
You are a boss woman! I cant believe you deal with that and the ungratefulness of someone who obviously doesnt understand your worth.
I jus spent my time in an abusive relationship not even knowing it was true abuse. But he said the same thing about me. And then would come home and push me out saying he and the kids were better without me…
So i think your guy’s attitude is no good. Not helpful to solving any of the things he sees as “problems” either.
Try marriage counseling and if it doesn’t change things …make him leave… It may take separating for him to appreciate you .
This is a very toxic relationship. He gaslights you and verbally and emotionally abuses you. Document everything and gtfo out of there!!!
From my experience it doesn’t get better. It’s not about changing his perception and making him see how much you do… Because he just won’t. He’s unappreciative, end of. I don’t see him ever pulling his weight. By making you feel bad about ever addressing this with him he hopes you will eventually not bother because it’s easier to just get on with it because of the reaction you know you’ll get. Making you feel bad makes you reflect on yourself and where you’re going wrong rather than looking at what’s really going on here. It’s keeping you down and making sure nothing changes. I’d address how you feel and give him the opportunity to change. Show him you’re serious and then he can’t turn around and say you didn’t warn him that if he doesn’t buck up his ideas you and him are done. Honestly, think about the impact he has on your life and mental health. Do you really want to put up with this for years? If you’re struggling now… How do you ever expect to feel less exhausted and like you’re doing everything when he’s not an equal partner? Make a list of everything he needs to start helping you with and divide up some chores. If he can’t accept that he’s an adult and needs to do these things with you to take a load off because they are his children too, then you need to seriously reconsider your future with him. He sounds abusive to me and you deserve better