I need advice… my husband and I have been together for six years but married for 4. We own a home together and have two kids together. In the past, I always above and beyond for him on holidays. This past Christmas, he did not get me one single thing. Valentine’s Day, he finally got around to ordering me my pandora charm for Christmas. Then a ring I picked and said I like. It’s from pandora. Mother’s Day - nothing. I got him something for Father’s Day. Yesterday was our 4th year wedding anniversary. I got him a detailed package for his truck, a heartfelt card, and a T-shirt. He came home yesterday and didn’t even say Happy Anniversary. He went to the couch and sat down. My sisters and mom live in a house separated from ours on our property. They offered to babysit so we could go out. I ask him, hey, we go out to dinner? He says I don’t have the energy. I work for six days, sometimes seven days a week. I own my business. I had to fight back the tears and didn’t say anything, thinking he would have been joking. He literally fell asleep and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. We’ve had this y’all many times. I am a simple woman. I am usually very vocal about my thoughts, so it’s hard not to yell at him. But I don’t want to feel like I need to nag. I would have been happy with a card and the Reese Cup. My feelings are beyond hurt.
As someone whose been there maybe kindly try to explain to him how you feel, maybe he will see it now. If id have done this better maybe things would be different.
thats terrible but guess you will have to live with it or leave the sitution
my husband doesn’t do holiday birthday nor anniversary gifts. He shows me every day that he loves me, so I don’t care…
My husband and I have been together 25 years married for 20. I wish I thought as much about an anniversary gift as most. My husband does things for me everyday so no need for a gift on the day we got married.
He sounds like he is a very hard worker. Guys don’t always know what we want. Just be kind and tell him that it really matters to you
He’s not very thoughtful or considerate. I think I’m living with his brother lol…some men are unromantic assholes. He knows, he’s not stupid, as much as it hurts he don’t care. Tell him! And don’t hold back. If he don’t fix it leave his ass!!! Or you will have a whole life of let downs, trust me.
was married to my first husband 22 years went through the same thing been married to my new husband 23 years he did alot for me 7 years into our marriage he had a massive stroke so now it is my turn to be there for him
He stopped trying to be your friend and lover. He needs to be put on notice. Just give him a cars that says hey, I deserve some time and dinner out for putting up with your dumbazz.
Stop doin for him and spend that money on YOU!!!
I have been married for for 29 years and my husband has never been a flower or gift person. So I learned a long time ago to just buy what I want and then we are both happy
Sounds like a breakdown in communication between you both. My husband and I took the test online about the 5 love languages and found we feel loved and appreciated differently. He needs more verbal praise while I’m more physically affectionate. Maybe try talking to him about what each of you needs to feel loved and appreciated so you can both get more of what you need. Talking to a marriage counselor might not be a bad idea either.
My husband isn’t romantic at all. We don’t do gifts much though. We share an account so seems pointless to me to spend money on stuff lol if it’s important to you say something to him.
Try talking to him. Maybe he didn’t realize it was yalls anniversary. It happens. Sounds like he was tired that day since he fell asleep on the couch. Not too big of a problem unless you express your feelings and he disregards them.
Has he always been like this? Is this new behavior? Some people just don’t get how important it is because they’re not sentimental.
What is with everyone saying to just leave anytime things get bumpy? I totally get how your feelings would be hurt girl. And they of course matter. But you know he could be going through something at work or there’s something just going on with him that you aren’t seeing. Yelling at him isn’t the answer. Just ask him to take some time and talk with you and explain how that whole thing really hurt you. He’s with you, and you share a life together. It’s worth having a calm conversation rather than just leave, yell or deal with it as some people like to advise.
Honestly I pick out most of my own gifts I’m just like… Hey you got me this for my Birthday! Thanks I love it LOL.
15 year anniversary is coming up, I might treat myself to something nice 💁😆
I’ve been with mine almost 12yrs(next month). He’s the exact same. On holidays I go ALL out. He does squat.
It’s how his love language works.
BUT daily he shows his love thru little things…like getting up and going out to get me a burger at 2am, cuz I made a comment how one would be SO yummy right then.
It’s letting me sleep in, cuz I had a rough day the day before. It’s taking our son out of the house, telling me to crack the wine and relax. They’ll be gone all day. Etc
So now…at holidays…I tell him what I expect. “Our anniversary is coming up. You’re getting me my card and chocolate (Reese’s🤤)…correct?” Lmao
Bigger holidays…I shop myself and tell him he bought it🤷lol or I take him shopping and tell him he’s paying, as it’s my Christmas gift. He’s ok with it that way lol
Then when wanting to leave the house for something…I give a heads up “got a sitter for next Friday, we’re going out to dinner. 5pm. Be ready to leave!” And tada …he’s always ready.
Does it get frustrating…ohhhhhhhh ya. Almost left him cuz of it a few yrs back lol couldn’t take it. Then one day it clicked …he doesn’t mean it, it’s just how he is…so either accept it for the rest of the good man…or let one part destroy it all.
So now we have a system that works for us. I tell him what I expect or I just buy/plan it and tell him to be there. No excuses. With warning. These days…were both a whole lot happier. I feel like I matter and he feels I finally accept him as he is. Not constantly trying to change him.
Well I would Lustre that you have to live with it but you do have two small children but I see a divorce in your distant future
5lovelanguages.com is a good place to start. Maybe you show your affection in different ways. Missed gifts don’t always mean the love is gone.
Definitely get curious and share what you would love without blaming. Maybe even be vulnerable enough to say I miss you and appreciation goes a long way. This might open up the space to share your hurt from an anchored and grounded place with a clear intention
Girl, he’s not a mind reader. You need to tell him what’s on your heart and be honest. You need to tell him what YOU need from him and vice versa. Don’t listen to these ladies telling you you need a divorce. That is such a crock! No wonder the divorce rate in this country is as high as it is. This relationship needs some simple communication. And remember, communication is both talking and listening. Y’all need to figure out where you can meet in the middle. I suggest not going in guns blazing, because it wont get you anywhere. Half of the battle is in the approach. The other half what you say and HOW you say it.
My husband has never bought me gifts for holidays or anniversaries. I just order what i want and give it to my mom or sister. They wrap it and have the kids gove it to me.
Its just not worth the battle. He buys me flowers when he sees nice once. Buys me chocolates for no reason. And if i really want something and we have the money he lets me get it. Hes a simple man and after 15 years i know its just not worth it.
This year for his bday and fathers day he got a puppy that hes been wanting. Most expensive thing ive ever got him. We also got a new tv as a combined gift.
You need to figure out how to communicate better and go from there.
Sounds like he’s checked out. Is he depressed? It’s a shame but if he hasn’t always been this way maybe something is wrong
Do you love this man and does he work long hours? You have children by him, does he help take care of them? Does he keep food in the house and keep the bills paid? Think about it and would you rather be alone?? Try to see all this as a good thing but as a female myself, I know what you would like for him to do but he may just be tired. Don’t give up just trust him that he loves you and the children. Get a sitter and just make a dinner you both like and ask him about his day and see if he will relax some. Good Luck
Idk he was definitely tired since he did fall asleep. He isnt big on these things it seems either. Most men aren’t. Maybe you could have napped with him? At some point he needs fo actually listen to you. You need time with him as well. I feel like you don’t have to stop the gifts if it makes you happy. Definitely talk to him as he sounds burnt. Does he work just as much? I’m sure one day you’ll get that way too. Its just about respecting one another and if hes burnt out he may have a hard time with that. But he most definitely can’t be disrespecting you just because he is depressed or burnt out. You both still need to communicate. Good luck. And happy late anniversary.
Something is up with him - maybe depression. Talk to him.
Honestly best thing to do is to talk to him and express how you feel.
He said he works 6 days a week. Do you work as well?
Don’t leave but treat him how he treats you until he realises just because you own run and work 6 to 7 days a week does not mean you neglect your home life.
Does he really think your not exhausted too running a house hold and raising his and your children…
I think he is calling out for help! He is EXHAUSTED! Owning ones own business is 24/7… i think it is saying… al this work i am doing for us, is it not enough! I can’t give more…
Think about how you could lessen some of his load…
Use all 5 love languages to show that you love and appreciate him .
How can you increase his quality / quantity of sleep?
It won’t get better. People don’t change. I wasted 20 years fighting the notion that they do. Don’t be me. Your children will appreciate a good example
I left one of those three yrs ago
I marriage take communication and compromise. You need to tell him how that made you feel and see if this helps. What is going on in life. Is he stressed or worried due to lay-off. I just had my 4 year anniversary on the 7th. My husband was so hurt he couldn’t do as he normally does due to layoffs. He has a lot a stress and worries right now so I understood but it kinda did hurt a little. But I know him he will do something over the top when he gets called back to work. Take a night and ask the grandparents or aunts and uncles to have the kids and let them know that for two hours the phones will be off and the tv to actually talk with no distraction. This to shall pass. Don’t give up on the love that is there.
My husband tells me to buy myself whatever I want year round and he never complains about the price so that means more to me than any card or trinket he might pick out .
My husband and I don’t do presents really. We don’t do anything too crazy for birthdays. We just had our 20th anniversary this year we kinda just had quality time together & went to dinner. But we are pretty low maintenance, if this is something that really hurt you, you should just talk with him about it, maybe he doesn’t know that’s how you feel
My husband and I have been married for 18 years and we’ve agreed no presents for each other for holidays. We will do dinner for our anniversary and birthdays. The other holidays we take our daughter and let her buy for the other parent. My husband didn’t grow up with much so he doesn’t associate gifts with love. Shoot one year we both forgot our anniversary. It was days later before one of us remembered. If you know you love each other I wouldn’t look real far into it. That’s just my opinion.
I have the same situation. Those special dates just aren’t important to him. You need to figure out are you buying things / organizing dates because you want him to do something in return or are you doing it because that how you want to show your love without expectations?
Get a boyfriend on the side…then after awhile when your new bf is treating you like a queen tell your husband to move out and you want divorce. After you pack his clothes and personal shit. Bye bye!!!
Been 51 yrs.and you lucky to get that.
Girl you better say something!! And tell need to talk. Work out why exactly y’all are having these days.
CASH is King treat yourself. That’s what I used to do some men… Lots of men just forget.
It hurts when there’s no effort. Your situation is like literally the same as mine. Every detail. Finally I told my husband how much it hurt my feelings. He’s coming around now. Just know sometimes people don’t understand your love language. His love language must be different than yours. Sit him down and tell him why it’s important to you. I finally did this last year and it did help.
I went 42 years an got 2 of yours what you got is what you get
Talk to him maybe he’s suffering with mental illness or maybe he’s just not bothered or just tired or worse case he’s fallen out of love for you whatever the answer you will only find out by talking to him
Do you realize how tired you get working 6-7 days a week? Its rough
Have been married for 26 yrs. Some yrs we have forgotten anniversaries remember them a few days later.
Talk to him, men aren’t mind readers or even hint takers. Whatever it may be, it’s best to tell him he upset you instead of resenting him in silence if you want it to work.
Talk to him. Communicate how you’re feeling and why. Be open and honest and unassuming.
Maybe he’s struggling.
But that’s not excuse for him to treat you a way that upsets you. Hopefully the two of you can work everything out.
It totally sucks to be in that situation but it sounds like that is just how he is. Has he changed or has he been like that from the beginning? If he has been like that from the beginning them he prob won’t change.
Just because he did not acknowledge your anniversary does not mean he doesn’t love you. Working to provide what your family needs shows deeper love every day. It’s much like people getting stuck on holidays such as fathers day etc. If I don’t get a gift it really doesn’t bother me, it’s just another day. Look a little deeper at his love and soon you will realize how petty you were being, and maybe say thank you honey for loving us as you do.
I would waste him…just saying!!
If it upsets you, talk to him. Don’t point fingers though. Tell him how you feel and how you appreciate him. Some men just aren’t gift givers. My husband and I have been together almost 14 years, married almost 10. He has given me a gift a handful of times for holidays/birthdays/anniversaries. He’s not a gift giving kind of guy. However, he shows me he appreciates me everyday with his words and actions. I would rather he gives me something randomly than a specific day.
It’s not hard to please a woman. I use to think oh it’s a guy thing. Til EVERYTHING was like that. It’s not nagging, being a bitch or needy to express your needs & wants
Should he get you gifts for the holidays, yes. But is he the only one working? I mean if he is working 6 7 days a week then I can complete understand him being tired. Me and my fiance only go out on days we are off like maybe 2 a month. We rather sit at home and cuddle. Instead of going out and dealing with people.
Don’t be upset with him, men are just bad at remembering dates. It’s a man thing
We buy our “own” gifts and wrap them! Mainly so our daughter can see we get each other something, other than that we usually just did cards. Treat yourself!
Also, not everyone’s love language is gift giving. It sounds like yours is, but does he prefer to show love in other ways?
I told my husband for mother’s day I wanted a homemade card with coupons for little things he could help me with. I didn’t get that until my birthday a month later. I told him I didn’t want anything. But I love his sweet cards where he writes how much he loves me in it. Those mean the most. Now it sounds like you both are very busy and exhausted and that is probably putting a strain on your relationship. COMMUNICATE!! Me and my husband struggle with holding in our feelings until one of us blows up on the other on what started out to be a little thing. Maybe he really was exhausted. Did you ask him ahead of time? I’m sure it hurts and I’m sorry but don’t give up!
Girl either go to counseling with him or have a honest open talk sometimes it’s understanding and miscommunication that can cause problems.! If he doesn’t want to work on making you guys a better all around then leave him .
Men don’t GIVE a crap about all that stuff. Stop going above and beyond. Treat them how they treat you.
I’ve been with a guy for 10 years and I don’t get anything from him just a pain in my ass
Maybe his love languages aren’t the same as yours. And you should probably figure out what his are and let him know what yours are so you can help each other get back I to the groove of trying to do for one another.
On a side note, stop doing for him with the gifts.
I wouldn’t want anything I had to beg him for. Just STOP doing stuff for him
Girl just take a deep breath and talk to the man maybe there’s something going on you don’t know about
Next celebration , buy something for yourself instead of him and go out with your friends.
If it bothers you, talk to him. If you don’t communicate the issue, than it not being fixed is on you, not him. You can’t expect him to just know how you’re feeling. If you have communicated with him how you feel on the matter, check in and see how he is mentally. It sounds almost like there’s something else going on in his life that maybe he hasn’t felt comfortable sharing yet
Francisco R. Torres u lol
Just start buying yourself gifts and dont get him anything. Every holiday, birthday, mothers day, shit even fathers day get yourself something. Apparently he doesnt appreciate you as much as you want him to.
My husband and I don’t buy gifts for each other we never have he always get me something for Valentine day but nothing to expensive we tell each other we love each other every day and every night before we go to sleep that’s all I need we have been together for 28 years and have been married for 26 good luck maybe he was just to tiered
You’re worried about him getting you presents then you need to rethink some things in your life
Does he have a physical labor job? Bc if so… it’s 100 degrees everywhere, he probably is exhausted…
Im not really going to be much help here at all since neither me or my husband celebrate holidays, birthdays, anniversary etc. We just try to make everyday great so there’s not specific days of the year we feel we have to celebrate to be “happy”. I would talk to him about it though, if you don’t things are only going to build up and make it worse. Just explain that it’s a big deal to you, and it really makes you feel appreciated and loved. Beyond that I have no advice
Relationships are give and take, if you’re the only one giving the effort, thought, or time into it, it will fail. Its definitely not difficult to acknowledge the day and make plans for a make up day down the road when he’s not tired… have a serious conversation. Open up, let your walls down. Stay calm and hopefully he will do the same. He may be going through some heavy things himself.
My wife and I are very different like this. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully gotten her anything for a holiday on time. I usually get around to it within a day or so, but by the time I actually realize it’s the day before or of and I’m screwed. We’ve talked about it because I always feel bad, but I’m a freaking disaster and she knows this. Unless she is going to buy her own stuff and give it to me to wrap, she will probably never get any holiday present on time… I love her to death but it’s never been on my radar and I couldn’t tell you why. She always remembers, every single thing. I just don’t
Definitely tell him how you feel. If it bothers you then you have to tell him or it won’t get any better. Don’t listen to everyone saying their husbands don’t do anything for them. If it’s important to you that’s all that matters. Communication is so important in a healthy relationship!
I wouldn’t be upset about the no gift thing. But he should at least spend time with you and acknowledge the holidays.
Ok to all of yall saying men just forget and bs. Ive been in this relationship for 8 yrs. Important dates are not forgotten.
We have been broke. We have had money. We have spent an anniversary with dollar menu bugers and a movie we already own. It doesnt matter what you do for as long as you acknowledge it.
I feel like if he used to do these things and doesnt now, thats a problem. If you came into the relationship and from the beginning he didnt do anything, then its normal for y’all. I dont feel like its normal if you are making this post.
Step 1 would be to make your feelings known. Hopefully he will consider your feelings and give a reason or help solve the problem.
I would never be upset about my significant other not getting me material items, but would be crushed if he didnt even acknowledge that it was our anniversary. You need to tell him how you feel, otherwise the problem will never be fixed. He will continue to think he can get by with what he is doing.
My hubby never does. Our anniversary and my birthday are the same day. Today actually. Didn’t get a word about either
Man my boyfriend is the farthest from romantic and thinks its trivial to be so but still does little things for me once in awhile and on holidays and birthdays because he knows it means something to me… except our anniversary he doesn’t really bring it up but I dont know if that’ll change when we get married
Its not about presents. But he could have said happy anniversary and had a nice dinner with you. Or maybe he forgot?
You need to let him know.
But also a lot of people arent into the materialistic side of things like that. I sure am not. We choose to celebrate every day not just 1.day a year
I’ve been with my husband 6 years and married 4 also… he remembers all the important dates - always spoils me and shows he appreciates me every day. Even if and when he’s being a tired brat. I’m sorry, I think you got a dud. Honestly though - Perhaps an honest non-fighting conversation to see where he’s at and what’s going on for him?
Does he know? Ask him if he remembers?
There is obviously something wrong. You need to find out in your nicest way. With men its hard to say what they are feeling. You havent been married that long.
My husband and I hit a really rough patch. Went through something similar nothing was wrong but our relationship wasn’t good either. So what were we missing, both he and I no longer were hitting each other’s love language. We both felt like we were bending over backwards for the other but nothing we did for the other mattered because it wasn’t the others love language. It is worth a shot do have a right to be mad and have your feelings hurt. But if he is a good man and your like what the hell happened I would look into that route
I’ve been married over 50 years. My husband only recognizes Christmas.
If it was me. I’d buy myself whatever I wanted
Wrap it up and open it in front of him. Then say awe that was so thoughtful
He’d laugh with me because I’m the one that does birthday and holiday for him. Men usually aren’t as good about remembering.
Sorry but it’s nothing to get upset about… to some it’s another day. To others yes they make a big deal. But who really wants to go out and do things with all this going on? I mean my anniversary and my bday are a few days apart… and there are times my husband forgets both but I don’t get upset. Why because it’s not about him getting me stuff or me getting him stuff.
He has a girl friend been there that is the way my used to be husband did me for years we were married 35 1/2 years he did that for years
Him still being with you is acknowledgment!
Me an hubby always do something for anniversary…whether it is stay in bc broke and play a video game or watch movies together…something. However,when we have money,he knows he better take me out for dinner and a movie. Bc of this Covid 19 stuff,we were unable to see a movie in a theater this year,but went to Olive Garden to eat and then a shopping spree at Wal-Mart where I got $100 to spend. I made sure to get him something for father’s day and his bday this year bc had the money,so he is doing same for me. If we don’t have money,then we do stuff at home. I usually bake a cake and we watch a show of movie on tv and call it a holiday. It is a problem if he does not care. Tell him he missed your anniversary yesterday and see how he reacts. If no give a damn then need to sit down and have a talk
You ladies make me want to roll my eyes until they fall out of my head. She isn’t looking for gifts! Sure she mentioned it but it’s the thought that counts and y’all are missing that part. THE THOUGHT IS NOT THERE. That is a problem.
You know what I would do…I would buy my own big gift/gifts for whatever occasion and wrap it up and unwrap it front of him and just say this is my birthday, Christmas, Mother’s day Anniversary or whatever it is. And by no means buy him another card, gift or anything. Obviously life is all about him so let him buy for his own self the way you are doing for yourself. Our purpose is to make better men out of them so looks like you got your purpose cut out for you.
Girl ask him what’s wrong and think about him instead of you and your feelings for a minute shit.
If he’s working 6/7 days a week running his own business I wouldn’t be upset, providing for the family is more important. But then again neither me or my partner celebrate our anniversary to us yes its special but we don’t need to buy gifts for each other to prove that we love each other.
Girl my hubs an I have been together for 8 years an married 4. Our first Christmas he bought me a gift since nothing. No holidays, birthdays, mother’s day nothing. Our anniversary was last month and 4 days later I said oh happy Anniversary both of us forgot. Those are all just days an if you make more of them than what they are you’ll make yourself miserable. It’s not about holidays it’s about all the days in between .
I been married for 44 years.My husband never buy his own clothes. He never buy me a gift for any occasion but he is a hard working man and is a good father . I don’t care about material things . He tell me … you know where the money is , go buy what you need.
Sometimes you may have to tell a man what you expect or like. Tell him that celebrating your anniversary mean a lot to you. Ask him how would he like to celebrate? I don’t know the financial situation…but an option can be order food in for the two of you. Have the kids stay with the family. He literally maybe tired especially if working 6/7 days a week. I am looking at both sides.
He loves you he goes out and what sounds like busts his ass every day for you as long as he’s doing the little things the big things don’t matter so much as long as you both have love for one another that should be more then enough