My husband didn't tell me we were behind on bills: Advice?

My husband didnt tell me that we were behind on our car payment…he doesnt let me deal with bills so i had no idea…but someone came to my house looking for the car (my husband had it at work) and i am peeved…he made it seem like everything was good every month and now i am wondering what else we are behind on…he does NOT let me deal with money/bills though…what should i do? we need the car…

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband didn't tell me we were behind on bills: Advice?

Tell ur husband to pay the bill and find out what the F**K is going on

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Confront him about it. You need to know these things, even if he’s embarrassed about it. Don’t scream and him and make him feel like crap because then he’ll never be upfront with you.

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Hmm sounds like financial abuse …:heart:

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I’d be really pissed but the more I’d think about it, I’d be worried where the money is going if not for bills.

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I would ask him about where that money goes… And keep an eye out for any red flags of addiction. Like gambling, drugs whatever.
Best of luck :people_hugging:

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I could never be in a relationship where all of our money wasn’t accounted for :woman_shrugging:t3:

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When the repo guy comes that means you are way behind so he’s missed more than 1 payment

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Check yourself before you be outside with nothing…confront him…

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Sit down with him, ask him to tell you what’s due and when it’s due. Ask him if there is a way you can help.

If he refuses or shuts you out, I’m sorry, take it upon yourself to call and find out when all of your bills are due and then maybe you won’t be left in the dark about it all

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My husband took care of the bills too and told me everything was fine. Then we lost our completely paid off home because of unpaid property taxes. BE AWARE OF YOUR FINANCES. Protect yourself

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Check the bank accounts

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You need to be aware of ALL your finances.
What if something happens to him and you have no idea whats what. The only reason he would want to keep things secret is either because he not handling it properly, or he’s spending money in places he doesn’t want you to know about.
Stand up, assert yourself, and insist on being an equal partner. If he can’t do that, then you need to separate your finances or leave.

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Wow he obviously is dropping the ball so maybe you should help with bills if he’s not gonna keep up on them and be honest and open about it :grimacing:

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I’m not saying it’s right but it could be as simple as shame being the main provider and being unable to provide there doesn’t always have to be some other motive to it

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You are a team which means you should know what goes on with anything financial. If he passed today how would you be able to upkeep if you don’t know what is even happening? Sit him down and explain that this isn’t okay and you need to work together to figure things out.

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You should deal with the bills. Why let him be controlling like that? Just do it. You got this!

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Always protect yourself have your own accounts and responsibilities. Never put all your eggs in one basket idgaf who it is.

But definitely know your house business. We split things in our house hold and I have my little honey pots and things. And if one is behind we cover each other’s asses.

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If it’s me. I am now asking to be apart of the financials…. I’m sorry … I would not be asking I would tell him this is now an “us” job. He had his chance and dropped that ball. I would sit down and go over bank accounts bills etc. that’s a major :triangular_flag_on_post: if he throws a fit about it.

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Get a new husband sounds to me he loves control

Personally I’d be calling every company that you hold a bill on & get a balance due amount.
I would also call the bank & find out what’s in the account & what’s being spent where.

Should you 2 split you will be required to pay off half of whatever debts he incurs so I’d be putting myself in a position of “handling” the bills :person_shrugging:

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Um, you are married for a reason. He would let me In on the finances or he would be gone. Why do women put up with this crap!?

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Start calling the bill companies and asking about your balances n sit down n have a hard convo with your husband bout money n bills

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Do you work. If so, why let him give you no information?!?

Call your lien holder and see if you can make a promise to pay .

-someone who works for a tow company .

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I surly wouldn’t be calling a man that wouldn’t let me pay the bills… Husband

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In 2022 why do women still marry control freaks

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Yea nope, you put yourself in that situation. No way I would be married to someone who doesn’t communicate regarding bills/money. Time for you to get a job!

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If they came looking for it they will forsure take it in the middle of the night or find his work an take it there. Call the company that yall pay each month an talk to them now before its repo

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Communicate to your Husband

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Control freak leave now!

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I hope you’re listed on the utilities as well because you need to be in order to ask any info about the bills. Why does he not allow you to handle the money or bills? That’s a huge flag. You should both have access to that as a married couple.

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Ohhh weee. I couldn’t do it. We don’t even share bank accounts but I know what comes in and what goes out.

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This is a no no, even if he’s the one that handles them you should have been told. He’s def got something going on with money he doesn’t want you to know about.

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Call every company you got bills with and add yourself to it so you get the bill too.

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my money don’t touch a bill but i still know what’s going on with them. that’s a serious situation you all need to discuss.

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My dad was like this with my mom. He passed away last year in February. Thankfully, we had the notebook he kept records in so we could figure out what needed paying and what needed canceled. It was a headache and nightmare.

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You’re his wife and legally have access anything like the bank account/statements,phone bill/statements,just basically all the bills and more. So go look into it! And yeah you need to take care of yourself. Never depend on a man!

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So much like you husband I single handley deal with the bills and finances. But unlike him I make it a point to constantly talk to my SO about what’s up and what’s due and if we’re about to be in a hole or not.
Him refusing to even talk to you about it is really bordering on financial abuse for me.

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What you can do is tell him that he can [email protected]&# right off and let you see/deal/handle the money and the bills too. A marriage is supposed to be where you do things TOGETHER. And lean on each other. He should have told you that the car payment was late or that he couldn’t make it so you both could figure out what you two needed to do to make that payment. It’s obvious that it’s more than a month or two behind if the repo people showed up for it. :grimacing:. It’s time to sit him down and lay out some VERY clear boundaries about this. Money/money issues is one of the biggest reasons marriages don’t last.

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Start calling everybody you pay & get info on how much is owed & what’s behind. Then, sit him down & work on paying it up.
Either he does or sadly, you need to leave. This behavior isn’t ok bc when they take the car, you have to pay what you’re behind plus a holding fee.

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This is financial abuse. Therapy immediately if you want to try and save your marriage. Just know, statistically, therapy only makes abusive men get sneakier about the abuse. If he won’t do therapy, leave him. I’ve been down this path. He will ruin your life if you let this continue.

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You should offer to help out. Be there for him

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Financial abuse. Demand that he make time to sit down and go over bills and budget together.

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Ahhhhhh please leave he is hell controlling!

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I’d take over the bills. PERIOD!

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He’s abusive. Financially. Possibly more idk. There’s not much else to go on. And most likely, spends your money elsewhere. I work a lot. So, my husband who stayed home and watched my kids while I worked, would go pay our rent for us. When I got my check, I would cash it. Give him the $800 to go pay rent. And he’d leave to go do so…I didn’t question it. Then one day, I got a call from our landlord. And we were almost 3 grand behind in rent. That was after my son was diagnosed with cancer and I was going out of town for his treatment. That’s why it took them so long to call and during COVID. He off course had excuses. Claimed he paid it etc. No. He wasn’t and IDK how many other times he never did either

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“He doesn’t let me….” Is abuse. When married you become team, you two should know and share everything including the finances.

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I am not saying its right what he did but he was probably ashamed he probably feels thats a mans job and he was ashamed that he fell behind. Can you see if the car dealership will let you set up a payment plan? Call about all your bills I am sure you can set up a payment plan if not on all maybe at least on some.

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Don’t ever ever be in a relationship/marriage where you don’t both have access to the finances. Your husband has a habit whether it be gambling drugs or sex etc because a repo man doesn’t show up for 1 missed payment it’s at least 3 IMO. You need to be checking on your mortgage and other bills before you have nothing left. I’m sorry.

“Won’t let you”? Ugh.

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He doesn’t let you deal with money :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

I would suggest you download an app for all your bills . Problem solved you can check the status anytime :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Sounds like he doesn’t want you to worry & stress. He may have gotten a little behind & feels ashamed of himself & embarrassed to tell you. He definitely needs to be honest with you. He had to have known that they would come looking for the car if he didn’t make a payment.

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My husband does all of our bill and budgets. Perhaps he didn’t want you to feel stress that your family was behind. It can be very hard on men if they can’t provide. Unless of course you think he is spending unnecessary money behind your back. I hope it’s innocent and he just hid it from you to protect you.

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My parents both thought the other was paying some of the bills years ago and neither was. They sat down and talked about it and got them payed when they figured out there was an issue.

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My husband makes the money, im a SAHM but I pay the bills and keep him updated on what’s getting paid and when everything is due. And how much money we will have left after all bills are paid. We’ve done that since we got together cause he never remembers to pay them or the passwords to accounts :rofl:

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It’s time to have a real conversation, don’t approach with judgement. Just be honest, these are my concerns. How did we get behind, what other bills are we struggling with.

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Get a new husband lol

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My husband wanted to pay the bills after about 25 yrs of me paying them. Well our house was foreclosed. You had better insist that you need to know the finances

Now it’s time that he puts all of the cards on the table and tell you the truth. I think it’s important that a wife should know about the bills. Doesn’t matter if he’s the “bread winner”. You do your part too. Marriage is a partnership, not one sided.

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Bring the loan up to date or it will be repossessed. Especially if you need the car. It works almost like bankruptcy. The real question is what is he doing with the money that he supposedly has paid the bills.

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You have every right to know what’s going on financially. This is your life as well . I’d go into the bank yourself and have a sit down alone to see what’s going on .
Maybe he is hiding something .

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Red Flag. Why doesn’t he let you handle bills or money? Gotta be a reason. Either you’re irresponsible or he’s spending it somewhere he shouldn’t be.

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You ever hear the old saying “dont piss on my head and tell me its rainin” ? sounds like your about ready to demand some of that better in “for better or worse”

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huge red flag i pay half the bills in the house and i talk my fiance if i get behind. he pays mortgage and his truck, i pay for my car, consumers, phone bills, car insurance, internet, disney plus, and my amazon so my bills add up to less than his by 100 bucks. but that way we both take care of bills equally. he needs to let you in on blls

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You step tf up!! Take control, it’s your life too. None of this “let me” bullshyt anymore

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It’s time for you to enlighten him to the fact that you’re a team in everything and from this moment on you’ll be in on everything together including finances. Pay your Bill’s together period. I deal with too many women, daily, whose husbands have died or moved on and she doesnt even know how to write a check or pay Bill’s. Wake up ladies and start looking out for yourselves. Very seldom is protecting the wife or not wanting her to worry is the cause of not letting her in on things. Unm

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Sounds like a bad movie. What do you mean he doesn’t let you deal with bill? Tf

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Approach him calm and with no attitude. And just simply ask him babe do you need help with the bills?

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Ahhhhh whether or not he pays the bills. If he’s keeping that from you, what else is he keeping secret. My senses are screaming control freak…

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You should have received phone calls and letters in the mail to say your behind

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You need to to know what the bills and income are and where the money is going. I was blind sided when my husband asked for a divorce and I saw all the money he was spending at the bar. Where is his money going?!

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I was married to someone that spent money before he had it, and then blamed me for spending money… For buying groceries (that we needed), diapers, etc. He’d even get upset when I’d pay a bill when he planned to pay another without communicating. We were never on the same page with finances. Every time I was at a store using my back card, I had anxiety at the checkout.
My finances are all my own now and life is so much easier. If I were ever to marry (not likely) or live with someone, I will NEVER combine finances. I’d possibly consider a joint account where we separately deposit in our portion for shared bills, but beyond that NO WAY. All joint bills would also be paid with equity rather than equally.

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Talk to him tell him you will work as a team on all future bills!!!where is all the .only going???maybe u should look at all the bills…

If they came looking for your car he is several months behind…Why would you agree to let him do it all…STAND UP for yourself…you make money??? Then manage your own… obviously he can’t be trusted!!!

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We’ll sooner or later the car will be repossessed
Time for you to step up

I do not understand what you mean. Like you’re not “allowed” to see the bills? The account? This sounds like financial abuse.

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Start making phone calls and visit the bank. You are going to have to step in whether he likes it or not.

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You just have to be certain your with the right guy for you. Always been joint with hubby. His bill are my bills. Mine are his. I make sure all are paid. But I do need his input when I think I know it all an I don’t lol… both worked. He always bread winner. Especially if I put my job on hold to take care of the kids. He’s excelled in his job. And I’m proud of him.
If I were to ever be with anyone else ( never would happen) I would do seperate. Coz 1 I wouldn’t know this bloke from a bar of soap compared to the 19yrs with my hubby. And we only 34.
Talk to him. If he doesn’t open up. Give him 2 options. Good luck

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You accept that you are being financially abused and go to 50/50.

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“doesn’t ‘let’ me?” :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

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Well now I’m curious of the car is in your name , his or both? In ANY case, since you are married, you have every right to see the bills, and make sure they are paid, etc.

And that repo guy will now come in middle of the night so I’d be stressing unless you call and make the payment up to date . If you cant, ask, beg to work out a payment plan.

I am so sorry. :broken_heart: This is not how a marriage is supposed to work. Also find out what the heck he is doing with the family money.

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I’m a SAHM and my husband works, yet I’m in charge of making sure the bills are paid. He makes the money, I pay the bills with that money. It concerns me the amount of people who know nothing about where their money is going. We are one unit, as a family.

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You need to grow up. He won’t let you? :joy: I care but girl you’re a grown up.

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Either you handle the bills or leave.

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Not letting you know anything financially. Sounds like he wants complete control over you js.

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Gross.

:hole: :running_woman:t2::running_woman:t2::running_woman:t2:

You’re his wife and you can’t see any bills/finances? That’s super weird.

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If you aren’t work it’s time to get a job. It’s extremely hard to live on one income

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You obviously need to have a talk and both you clearly need to be able to handle and look at the money and bills. If he was paying it and than out of no where stops with no change of job or pay I would be very concerned where that money is now going.

How old fashion not to know how much money you have and how much you owe😲

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Try to get on top of your finances. Phone or go to the bank, checck the bills…Obviously something is wrong.

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You need to get your husband to talk with you about this as soon as he gets home. You are at least two and likely more payments behind. You might have made payment arrangements if your husband had responded to the lender. After collection starts, the likelihood of reaching a payment schedule to address the arrears is less likely.

Is there a family member you can borrow from to get car payments caught up? If yes, the check must go directly to the lender and not into your checking account.

There are debt relief agencies that will work with you on debt. Essentially, they put a payment schedule together which is 50-65% of what you owe. For making this arrangement, the debt relief company keeps half of what you will be paying. You might try to do this debt resolution yourself but you are going to have to wrest the check book, bank account and pay checks from your husband.

If your debt is really high, it may be time to consider bankruptcy. The bankruptcy laws have changed. You won’t get out from under all of your debt but it may be more manageable.

Talk to your husband. See what your debt is and make a decision together on how to proceed. Your husband is not competent to manage your bills. If he won’t go with you to a debt counsellor, you need to go to the bank, get 12 months of past bank statements, reach out to all lenders including credit cards for balances and past due information, and then go to the debt relief counsellor.

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You don’t need his permission. Contact the utility companies yourself and set up online accounts and profiles. Check your credit report for all your open accounts and negative marks.

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“Let me?” Let you?? You are a grown woman…you’re not a child…
Talk with him…you have to see the bills

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It’s time to demand equal access to financial information and also to get a job. He obviously isn’t making enough money. Find out from him where you stand on everything. Utilities will often let you make agreements to catch up delinquent payments. About the car, it may be necessary to borrow from a friend or family member to give them the entire amount you’re behind. They don’t usually make other arrangements. I would find out why your husband was withholding the financial information from you. Is he being controlling or does he have something to hide? Something isn’t right here.

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We both work have our own accts and also joint acct for cremation fees, but my husband is useless with finances so i deal with all the bills etc, its his choice tho

Yeah nah, you should atleast be able to see the bills…to be able to help handle them. I have full control over the bills in our house but my partner can see whatever he likes. This sounds like a red flag and needs to be addressed to him. If he really doesn’t want you seeing things like that, then maybe consider exiting the relationship all together. You guys are meant to be a team.

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Take over paying the bills. It’s obvious he can’t handle it or he has something he’s spending money on that he don’t want you to see.

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