My husband died 4 years ago, am I obligated to spend time with his family?

Parenting
1
I don't know if I'm just overreacting or if I'm in the right being upset.

My husband passed 4 1/2 years ago. Before he passed there were issues with my family to where I only allowed my kids around the mostly only if we were there. I’ve been more lax since he’s passed bc I’m closer now and we all live closer spo if I need to be there it’s only 15 minutes apnd not 5 hours.

The problem is that they say things to my kids about me when I’m not proud. When I confront them itsp all me and my fault. Like tonight. I’ve been sick, but they invited us to this fun game place we went to for my daughter’s birthday. There’s an arcade, rope course, bowling, movies, and Lazer tag.

Just a little insight, my daughter has ap job. She’s been begging me for one and ended up getting in June. She asked off for Monday, Wednesday and Friday so that she capn take my son to boxing, and I pay her those days for helping me out. I do determine how she spends her money. 10% to God, 10% to savings (I should make her do more, but already does so it’s not a big deal), $25 each week to me which I put in an envelope apnd when she leaves for college I plan on giving it to her for rent, books, whatever she needs it for. The rest is hers to do whatever. Now, in times past pshe has gone to the store for me, but would always forget to give me back my card spo when I’m at the register itsp embarrassing. So I just have her pay alnd I put it back in her account and round up when I do.

Anyway, tonight I told her to just pay for it and I will pay her back. A few hours into them being gone I asked why they hadn’t done anything and she says bc aunt J is paying for it. I was like why alnd she whispered bc she doesn’t think you will pay me back. I asked did she say that to where everyone could hear? She said yes.

So I end up calling my daughter to ask if everyone heard her say that and she said yes. Well, while I was talking to her my sister took her phone out of her hand to hear what I was saying and told me not to be getting on to her. I told her I wasn’t getting on to her that I would be getting on to her when nobody was around. Bc you see, if I have a problem with someone I’m going to take it up with them not everybody else. She said I would not be getting on to her and has since proceeded with texting me things like she’s not my bank, my daughter’s not my bank, I expect everyone to pick up my tab. None of this is true. I pay my own way and do for my kids what needs to be done. There are times when one of us will pay for everything and then everybody pays them back, but I always pay them back, and do my best not to get in those situations unless I’m the one paying it all bc I know how they are and that they say these things.

It makes me not want to be around them, but this is the only family my kids have left bc 2 months after their daddy passed away their grandpa, the last on their dad’s side, passed away. What should I do?

104 Likes
2

hy is your sister so deep into your business that she thinks she can take the phone from your child and tell you how to parent? It’s non of her business what you and your daughter decide between the 2 of you unless your daughter is playing both sides complaining to the aunt and then acting like she doesn’t know where it’s coming from? Either way someone has made your sister feel like she has more of a right to have an opinion than she should and that’s problem #1 problem #2 is why are your children allowing your family to talk badly about you they need to be out in there place or good riddance family or not toxic is toxic remove them from your life and or have a heart to heart with your kids because it seems your daughter may feel some type of way she isn’t letting you in on and allows them to continue this abuse.

3

Cut ties with said “family”. Family is who you make it be. Have respect, be prideful and be the woman your husband fell in love with. You know what your gut is telling you to do. Follow that with guidance. I suggest you leave, no matter how painful it might be, having negative people around your children is bad no matter if they are blood related or not. But definitely the 10% to God, I wouldn’t push that on a minor… if she were to turn against you when she is older she can take you to court for all the money… there has been cases like this… so just try to push past all that… and let her secide what she wants to do with her money. The $ to give her back is good but still it can bite you later when she becomes adult…

4

you are not wrong. they are your children’s RELATIVES not family. FAMILY doesn’t have to be related to you, family are the ones who love you, support you when you need it, and celebrate your wins. Also to be fair, your daughter should have defended if you in that situation of she didn’t.

5

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband died 4 years ago, am I obligated to spend time with his family? - Mamas Uncut

6

I don’t feel like you should keep the kids away from them. Maybe distance yourself from them though. Also, you make her pay 10% to God? I have never heard of anybody doing that. Shouldn’t that be her choice?

41 Likes
7

It sounds to me like they’re backstabbers and I’d stay away from them

12 Likes
8

I think they should have a relationship with them and you shouldn’t.

5 Likes
9

If you pay her back like you say you do, who cares what they think or say. Also, they’re getting the idea from somewhere inside to make them think this. At the end of the day, those people are still their family. Just because you can’t get along with them doesn’t mean you should keep the kids away. It has nothing to do with you.

12 Likes
10

How old is your child? I feel like making her pay “god” is kinda wrong in all of this. Has she chosen on her own to be religious? And that she wants to put her earned money towards something like that? Putting that extra 10% towards her college education would be more beneficial then putting it towards a belief she might not even believe in.

70 Likes
11

Id stay away and wouldnt do anything with them and if you do next time you pay and pay for your kids and never let them pay anything again so none of this can be said.

9 Likes
12

They sound toxic. Until they can respect you just stay away

6 Likes
13

My first question is, why would you get onto her when nobody is around.? Or did you mean getting onto the aunt.? Your daughter has done nothing wrong by the sounds of it. If the aunt wants to pay, regardless of her reasoning, screw it…let her pay. Also, MAKING your child give 10% of God is ridiculous. That should be her choice, not yours. I also agree with Melanie Compo…they’re getting the idea that you don’t or won’t pay her back from somewhere…

18 Likes
14

You lost me at ‘God’ :joy:

27 Likes
15

Suck it up for your children , and talk to Aunt J away from everyone else.
Teaching her to pay her tithing is good, to say you’re making her do it is a poor choice of words.
You are not obligated to spend time with his family, but I would for your children .

16

Sounds like you’re defending yourself a little hard on how you always pay her back and round up and blah blah. They didn’t pull the idea that you don’t pay her back and that you use her like a bank out of their ass.
And the 10% to God and 25$ to you should be her choice. That’s money she earned.

17

They sound like toxic people. Id give them a piece of my mind. But it’s all the family she has left you said? I wouldn’t keep her from them unless they’re toxic with her.
Also, reading everyone’s opinions on here, It’s noones business what you make your daughter pay.

12 Likes
18

My boyfriend passed almost 4 years ago now and absolutely no way are you obligated at all to be around them, especially if they talk shit about you their grandchildren’s mothers

19

I wouldn’t deal with them.

1 Like
20

It sounds like you’ve taught your daughter great money skills to set her up for her future and for what you guys practice in honoring God! that’s awesome! Don’t listen to the ones here who have no idea why, etc.
Sounds like the family is just little bit full of drama and you can set your boundaries with your kids whenever you’d like, if they don’t respect them then maybe try other ways of being proactive in keeping them, then if worse comes to worst make it more forward and keep a distance, but reintegrate with more church family, good friends, your side of the family and maybe any productive members from his side they may have. Helps with the transition.

12 Likes
21

Teaching your child to donate or tithe with their income is an admirable thing - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with teaching and encouraging intentional generosity in your kids - don’t let people’s negative stigmas about giving to the church make you question yourself.
I’m disheartened to see how many negative comments people have made about teaching your kid to give back

24 Likes
22

Set clear boundaries with them. If you are going to talk to my children about me then you will not be able to see my children… set them and stick to them… cause in reality you owe them nothing, those are you children and they wouldn’t want you putting stuff into their children’s heads either… plus it puts the kids in the middle

5 Likes
23

Eh, create your own family with people who love you. “Family” does not have to be blood related. Find friends who treat your nuclear family well to fill that role.

6 Likes
24

So, let me first just say my perspective is colored because my brother passed away 9 years ago. His wife doesn’t really allow my family to see the kids and it’s devastating to us. My kids were close to them and my parents were super active in their lives. We lost my brother then losing his kids was kinda like losing him again.

Your kids deserve a relationship with both sides of their family. His family is their biggest connection to their dad. Please don’t take that away.

To directly answer your question. No, YOU don’t have to spend time with them, and honestly you really shouldn’t since you clearly don’t have a relationship with them. Your kids are not babies and are able to spend time with their family alone.

It’s not their place, but a lot of people take issue with a parent controlling how money a child earns is spent. I’m personally from the camp if you are mature enough to hold a job you are mature enough to decide if the way you spend your money is worth the time and effort it took to make it. Seeing this, plus a child paying “rent” to you, AND you borrowing money from the child probably makes the family uncomfortable. It doesn’t excuse talking down on you to your children, but I get where they make be worried about her using her hard earned money.

19 Likes
25

This was incredibly hard to comprehend and read! I can’t with these posts that only make slight sense! From what I gather your having your daughter foot the bill for certain things and paying her back. Which is fine as long as you’re truly paying it back. On the other hand you should definitely get her a Venmo or something like that to ensure this type of thing doesn’t keep happening. Then all you have to do it put in the amount needed and hit send. Problem solved and you don’t have to keep borrowing and paying back. I feel like there’s more to the story but that’s just me. It didn’t really make clear sense so I may be wrong. But as far as the family goes there you’re children’s only connection to there deceased father so I’d try to do what I could to let them have some type of relationship! Establish boundaries and communicate like adults leave the petty bs behind!

31 Likes
26

Not really the topic of this but I think paying 10% to god is weird. Any money donated to church should be what you want to give, not being forced to give. But anyway I think your daughter is old enough to make her own decision if she wants to see her fathers side of the family. I would say probably he same with your son. His family can think what they like thats their problem. That’s the only connection to his side of the family they have and they will figure out as they get older if they want to continue a relationship with that side or not.

19 Likes
27

Disgusting that people are disrespecting someone’s believes to the point of not even caring what she says after that! SMH

11 Likes
28

Honestly stay away from them they are toxic! You and your children deserve so much better and in all honesty who gives a hoot what they say and think.

4 Likes
29

I wouldn’t do anything. If you know what they say is crap. Then there is nothing to worry about. If you or they want to be around the others do it. If not then don’t. Honestly if it happened all the time I probably wouldn’t want to.

30

How can you all follow this? She first mentions her husbands family then she’s saying her family back to his then hers, then it’s her sister…

24 Likes
31

My two year old has better grammatical grasp. I tried to follow this but I rather listen to Cicadas scream. #SuperReaders

14 Likes
32

When my daughter worked I made suggestions of what she should do with in regard to saving etc. It was her money so I really did not force her to do anything she didn’t want to with it. If you are receiving benefits from her decease father I don’t think I would be charging her rent and make her pay for things that parents should be paying for. I really couldn’t understand the way most of this was written it was written. It switches back from his family to your family and is very confusing in the wording. It would be upsetting to have someone going against you but you do seem awfully upset if you don’t have anything to feel guilty about? If it was more understandable I might feel differently.

7 Likes
33

I think it’s great she puts money away for her… forcing her to pay 10% to God? Ok that ridiculous. It’s not going to god it’s just lining the churches pockets. Ever see the watches and cars these pastors wear and drive? Uh huh. Other than that… when it comes to family it’s NONE of their business. I’m alittle confused , her first question was saying am I obligated to spend time with HIS family, so is the aunt his sister or she talking about her family? No you’re not obligated to spend time with anyone blood or not, I’d let the kids have relationships with family as long as it’s not hurting them. If the kids are minors I would tell the family they need to not cross certain lines and don’t try and over power you it’s not their place or they won’t be visiting again. I’d have a major talk with kids and tell them NOTHING gets relayed back to family it’s not their business. Simple.

12 Likes
34

Although all is confusing.

How did the sister know she was using her own money and was gonna be paid back unless the daughter made a comment about it? Seems like whatever the daughter said may have been the root of the issue.

However, you don’t need to spend time with them but your children seem old enough to make the decision for themselves. :woman_shrugging:

Both sides of my family talk down on the other side, should they? No, but that doesn’t mean either side should be cut off.

4 Likes
35

You can’t stop people like this. Just keep the receipts like I did. It helped later. God bless you. Pay your sister back if you can. It takes away the rude comments. Your daughter needs to be careful about what she says and where. \

36

What?! Who’s family is this? What does your husband being gone have to do with your relationship with your own family? Especially if his last family member is also gone. This post doesn’t make any fucking sense. Do people read their shit before sending it?!

37

To answer your initial question: no, you are not obligated to spend time with them. If the kids want to spend time with them, let them; if not, don’t make them. As for everything else, my head is hurting from trying to figure out what the heck you said!

7 Likes
38

It’s weird to me that you make her put 10% in savings and give you 25 a week for college. Shouldn’t she put that all in savings? Just weird if you are borrowing money from her you probably aren’t set up financially to “hold” her money.

9 Likes
39

Yes. At your discretion.

2 Likes
40

Your kids will see what’s going on they’ll realize who’s word is the truth it’d be awful to take them away but if they get too toxic you might have to

41

The big problem I see here is why did your daughter not stick up for you? If anyone bad mouthed one of my parents I would have given them an ear full and walked myself out the door. I would be asking her why that didn’t 3
happen. She had a cell phone to if she needed a ride. And why did shd give her phone to her aunt so she could listen? She could have not let her have it.
Sorry but she shouds likd a disloyal brat.

9 Likes
42

I wouldn’t sever all ties but I’d pull back from them.

2 Likes
43

10% to God? Wtf. Why not pick a charity and put it to better use. I gave up trying to read this.

20 Likes
44

Maybe it’s not your sister who has the problem but rather your kids. This post doesn’t really make sense

10 Likes
45

I am so confused. Your family or his family?

4 Likes
46

Why are you making her give a single cent to the church. Tithing isn’t for minors if that’s what you’re referring to. Why are you charging her 10 percent on top of the 25 you charge. Honestly id feel like the family. It seems as if your using your daughter as a bank. I would set up an account for her if i was family that you had zero access to

13 Likes
47

Courtesy of bad autocorrects, I was able to decipher your entire post. IMO based off of what you stated above, your in laws sound toxic. Your daughter also started a fire by saying something that should not have been discussed outside of yourself and her. Clearly she has a misconception of why you needed her to pay and needs to take accountability for not giving you your card back. All I can say is don’t cut off your in laws because it’ll back fire on you. If your kids ask to see them, great. If they don’t, it’s not your job to reach out to them. :ok_hand:t2: best of luck

5 Likes
48

First off Great Job with the Financials, your daughter will thank you later. Secondly, your a very nice Christian teaching your daughter to give graciously to church. ( to many people’s comments don’t understand that alot of churches donate to food banks, electric bills and many other good Samaritan causes. Which infact the bilble does say to Give graciously) Third, you don’t have to be involved with people ( family) that are rude and inconsiderate. The world needs more positivity and less criticism on How We raise our children. Your doing great. Keep your light shining bright and your children will follow. God bless you and yours.

49

Can’t believe your daughter didn’t defend you :cry:

2 Likes
50

I think you should expect your daughter to save but not be demanding that 10 percent go to god. This should be her choice and not your views. She might prefer another charity or an animal shelter. Etc… As for your sister go see her and have it out. Enough… Let her mind her own business and raise her own children not yours… She needs to pull her head in. If she has something to say, get her to raise it with you only. I have a 15 yo that works it does upset me alot that the other parent is always short of money and lends off our child. However l figure .that eventually our child will work it out in the long run. Goodluck.

6 Likes
51

I’m glad it’s not going to be crowded when I get to heaven.

8 Likes
52

I’m guessing the daughter has complained about how much your taking from her and the family are getting the wrong end of the stick, I mean they got the idea from somewhere. She probably doesn’t like having to give to God or 25 taken by you. I mean you just have to think most teenagers waste every penny they get, and she’s probably thinking I’m earning it, why can’t I have it. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s completely right taking money and putting it into a savings account for your child, one day when she needs it she will be grateful for it.
At the same time I’m the parent that thinks if it’s money to go to a arcade, game place then why shouldn’t the daughter who has her own money pay for herself, especially if you aren’t going. These places aren’t cheap, if she wants to go to them regularly then while earning for herself why can’t she learn to pay for herself for things like that too…

1 Like
53

10% to god should be her choice, not your demand. That’s 10% more that could be helping her for college instead of "helping " the church. It’s weird af how you try to control the $ she earns .

11 Likes
54

Toxic is toxic! Cut them off. Your kids will benefit from not being around the trauma constantly! Take care of you and yours :heart: explain yourself to nobody! Talk is cheap, leave them to it!

2 Likes
55

This post confuses me/infuriates me from the little i do understand… Assuming a teenager… If they work for the money they EARN… Give them a short list of “your parental ideas of where a SMALL amount” of THEIR money goes… And let THEM PICK savings or god… Its THEIR EARNED MONEY… if they werent working your views and opinions on an outsider posting this would be SO DIFFERENT.
ITS THEIR MONEY!
Anddd … Personal opinion… Wtf you bitching about ANYTHING in regard to their income IF YOU ARE BORROWING?!
I would NEVER reley or ask my kids for any financial help unless they were grown ass adults

56

I would remove myself and kids from anyone who disrespect me. It’s wrong. Toxic !

2 Likes
57

Why did you ask her to pay this time?

58

I fill like having you’re daughter give 10 perfect to the church should be her choice not you’re. In the long run she may resent you. I do see her telling her aunts and stuff some of it because she doesn’t like how you handle it. I’d also just have her put the 25 in savings with the other 10 percent you do makes more sense you never know if something can happen to that safe like being robbed and she’d loose all that money

4 Likes
59

Your daughter 100% said something about money and that’s why they are making comments

Keep money separate and 10% to god should be her choice like Ive never heard of a kid having to give 10% of their paycheck up to god put it in. The bank not to church which already has enough money

17 Likes
60

Tell them to mind their business! And your daughter to not be so open with your family business. How you live and deal with your lives is no ones concern in this case.

4 Likes
61

I’m not understanding the backlash for you wanting your daughter to give “10% to God” aside from it being a minor detail in a long story it really doesn’t pertain to the overall inquiry. I’m not much of a church goer anymore but y’all apparently are. How you parent the kid is really no one’s business. Including the inlaws or anyone else who wants to comment on a life they don’t financially contribute to. Your daughter is a teenager who’s likely disgruntled over the rules over her own money but adults should not be fueling that fire but guiding her to seek a healthy resolution with you. Since they can’t be bothered to do so I wouldn’t be directly communicating with them at all anymore and I wouldn’t be initiating any family gatherings. You do not need to cut them off but you do need to set boundaries and set some with your daughter while you’re at it. She’s likely venting to them about these situations and forgetting to mention her role in the whole deal.

7 Likes
62

So why exactly are you making her save 10% in her savings account and making her give you 25.00 just so you can give back her money when she graduates??? Wouldn’t it just make sense to put it in ONE savings account to collect interest and let her save that??? Or are you hoping to gift her back her money as a graduation gift???

5 Likes
63

Youre making your child whos working give 10 percent of her income to an imaginary figure so that a church can reap tax free benefits and you think your husband’s family is the toxic one? Haha yikes

24 Likes
64

If she is working for her money, you have no right to tell her how to spend that money. That’s probably what is happening…She is complaining because she can’t decide where her money goes. Quit giving “God” money. It isn’t “God” who is getting it…It is the crooks at your church leaching it from people to keep themselves rich.

18 Likes
65

Why are so many of questioning the money she donates to their church??? This is a very common thing, nothing new. It’s their belief and they shouldn’t be criticized for it! That’s not what this post is about!

13 Likes
66

I think it is amazing that you have her giving 10% to God. Good for you momma! Everyone else who is hating, forget them! Clearly they’ve never actually become a member of a church to see how that money helps the community and church goers.

11 Likes
67

You should never ask FB questions. People here are 100 times worse than your family you have now.
The answer you originally asked is about your inlaws. You are not obligated to associate with your inlaws. If your kids want to they should be allowed. Let them and have no beef about unless they are in danger. Trust me when I say that your children will see and will grow tired of their ways if it’s this bad. You no longer have to deal with them. You can let them go and enjoy your peace away from their negativity. When your children see them, ask them to keep all of the conversations etc to themselves. You don’t need to know nor hear about what has been said or done there. Unless something harmful or such is happening.
They do not have any control at all over what your child does with money. You do. So what they say or do or even think is not your concern. I know, believe me…I DO know the struggle with letting it go and not allowing it to effect you. But, just do it. It’s freeing. Who cares what they think, when they think it or why. You just do you and don’t allow them to get to you. That will be the best thing for you. If they cause you this much stress, let them go. Be happy because you only get one life. They don’t own you nor your child.

6 Likes
68

So what I’m hearing is your daughter applies for a job but has to ask for 3 days off so she can take your son to boxing…losing 3 days pay…but you pay her for those days(how much?)…
Then you tell her what she can do with her money :roll_eyes: and also at times make her pay for your costs…then pay her back?

10 Likes
69

You knew u were going out for her birthday you should have taken extra money and paid yourself tbh. Sounds like your daughter’s fedup with having to pay first. You are the parent so should take responsibility.

5 Likes
70

It takes a village to raise kids but the wrong village can ruin kids. Family doesn’t have to be blood, and if they are acting this way towards you i think it best to stop out at the source and cut them out

4 Likes
71

Cut ties. After my hubby died, I became involved with his family, only to discover why he kept himself and us at a distance from his siblings. Two faced, back stabbing, petty and judgmental. All of them. Some of the things that were done and said were just awful. And yet, somehow, THEY were the “righteous” ones. Cut ties.

3 Likes
72

Maybe 10% to the church is abit much tbh, shes a child with a job and all her money should be for her, I do agree with the money to be put away but my question is are you spending this money she is giving to you for saving? Come on with the 10% let her live her life with her own money and let her make her own choice with where it goes, she will not thank you, one day she will go and she wont come back

1 Like
73

Question? What if in the next couple of years she decides not to go to college right away. Are you still going to give her the money ? After all, it is her money that she earned on her own right? I mean, she is still a child so she doesn’t owe you anything. And as far as giving money to the church? Let her make that decision when she is old enough and on her own. The money you give is actually from your family since she is still a minor. You will end up making her resent God if you are not careful. It needs to come from her heart, not yours. Just saying

7 Likes
74

Sounds like SHE,the kid, the parent. No she should NOT be paying for stuff then you “repay” her. Do you ask for the card back from the store runs?
The 10% to God i dont agree with because religion shouldnt be forced. Especially if adults dont do the tithe. Yes i know some like that.:roll_eyes: my kids work. My oldest gives me 300 a month caise he wanted the higher wifi and cable, and to help with car insurance,gas,upkeep as i drive him. He is 18. My 17 yr old works. Her money is hers apart from car $ she gives.

1 Like
75

These comments are the exact reason why I never send a question in. Women are so nasty towards each other its disgusting. Instead of being mature adults and lifting each other up they rather pull you down bc of different beliefs. . You guys don’t know their situation when it comes to faith, just want to Bash on the fact they believe in something beautiful, you don’t know what this young lady feels when it comes to any of this and frankly she didn’t ask you for help on those matters either. . . Grow up people. . She asked what she should do about the disrespectful family she’s dealing with. And honestly I would just have a conversation with your family and tell them exactly how you feel and to respect you around your children like mature adults are supposed too and have a conversation with your children as well as to what makes you comfortable and doesn’t when it comes to conversation. It’s called boundaries everyone has them.

18 Likes
76

10% to God?!:rofl::rofl::rofl:…you lost me…it’s her money, she makes it…why are you telling her how to spend it?.. kind of controlling…tbh

16 Likes
77

ok you shouldnt be telling her how she can spend HER money. you dont say how old she is but if still a minor you shouldnt be taking anything from her. putting that aside she needs to know her family even if you dont like it, its her right to make a descision on who she wants around and if they are not a danger to her let her enjoy, i can tell her from experience if you try and stop her from knowing her relatives she will not thank you when shes older

4 Likes
78

You are not obligated to participate in toxic drama.

5 Likes
79

If she has your credit card, why would she need to pay and you pay her back, why couldn’t she just use your credit card? Am I missing something?

5 Likes
80

I think you should t push your religion into your children! Have you ever asked her if she wants that money to go to the church!? If she a minor which it’s Sounding like she is you should be giving that money not the minor !

12 Likes
81

Sounds like your daughter should speak up and tell them the truth instead of letting them Bash you

7 Likes
82

I’m reading this as “My family is saying things that I don’t agree with, so I want to deprive my kids of the only family they have left. Oh and take my kid’s money for God, even though God doesn’t need money and it (obviously) doesn’t go to him. It gives the pastors/priests extra money in their pockets, but I don’t care, I want her money and tell her it’s for God.”
Give that poor kid her hard earned money.

17 Likes
83

All these comments are crazy! She is your daughter you decide what is right for your family toxic is toxic!

7 Likes
84

They need and deserve a connection to their dad… Unless they don’t want to be around that side of the family you keep the relationship going for them because it’s the right thing to do. As for the money don’t expect a child to be a adult and make adult decisions. I think it’s great to encourage kids to put a portion of their $ in savings but let them do it and let them have the joint account so they don’t feel like it’s leaving them.

2 Likes
85

I only concern about that 10# to God??? :flushed::flushed: for what?

9 Likes
86

I’d ask how SHE feels about it but as for you controlling how she spends her money, let her be.

6 Likes
87

Being related to someone don’t make them non toxic. I have cut my own parents off for being toxic. Just started speaking again after 3 yrs. Also blood isn’t always thicker than water.

2 Likes
88

Your not obligated to visit any family member. If your daughter is old enough to work then let her choose if she wants to attend activities with them. Discuss with them that people even family can be mean and rude so not everything their hear is true.

89

You lost me at 10 percent to god.

11 Likes
90

Absolutely not. Your not obligated. I lost my fiancé 10 years ago n I barely see or talk to him family no kids but several years together. N I was close with his family till I moved on.

Their was a lot of
Shit talked cuz I moved on even invited them to our wedding they declined as it was a destination n then got mad when I told them no last minute. As they changed their mind. I paid for x people n I had to lock everything in 6 months in advance n I wasn’t changing to the next tier for 3 -5 people which was several thousands different. I even had to tell several of my good friends no as well based on how we paid as it was after the deadline. Everyone had the same deadline n I didn’t let anyone past.

But no your not obligated or any of that. As long as your kids are taken care of that’s all that matters. If they want to spend time arrange so you don’t have to see the family.

I loved his family but sometimes you just have to cut your loses

91

You are not overreacting.

1 Like
92

Why are you dictating how she spends the money she earns?

11 Likes
93

How do you pay god? And does he just Venmo you back? Lmao.

21 Likes
94

How do your KIDS feel about it? It sounds like obviously your daughter is old enough to know better, and old enough to tell the family that when they talk about you, it makes her uncomfortable. But what about your other kids? If they’re old enough to make that decision on their own, let them, but make sure they understand whats true and whats not, and that they have a voice and a right to correct where the family is wrong.

95

People are so weird. Why is she dictating how her daughter spends her money? It’s called teaching your kids financial responsibility and preparing them for life.

12 Likes
96

God doesn’t need to be paid and set up short visits with fam

6 Likes
97

First I wanna say: WOW, y’all are so hung up on the $$$. When that’s not even y’all’s business nor the reason she asked the question. It’s her child- everyone has their own way for helping their children with money. I don’t agree with all of it but that’s me. I wish my mom would’ve taught me more about money management.

2nd, I’d have a conversation with the family and set boundaries if they can’t respect those then cut them off.

That is disrespectful to you and your children. I have cut my own family off for similar reasons. You have every right- they are YOUR children and if family can’t respect your boundaries when it comes to YOUR children then cut them out. That kind of toxicity isn’t needed.

10 Likes
98

Have a 1 on 1 with her and if she doesn’t stop, say good bye

99

Some of younare absolutely nuts. Any other time you would say your daughter you make the rules. But her giving to God triggers you? Do you know their household? They obviously go to church and believe in God. If you don’t that’s not your business. Having her save for college that is absolutely a great idea! Sorry not everyone wants to be in debt or Has the money for a cushy college future. Smh that family is being toxic yes its her only Dad’s family but his family was in the wrong fir that. Now if the aunt wants to pay cool fine let her but for the aunt to say that is uncalled for.

All you women getting triggered by God. You don’t knock sometimes beliefs. Just because someone had a relationship with God and you don’t. Any of you know what giving to a church really does? You know they give money to people that need it right. Call a church tomorrow and say you are homeless or you need help paying a utility bill and see what they do. Churches here will give homeless hotel rooms so many nights a week, pay up to 400-600 in utility bills, give gas vouchers for 50 a week per person, 200+ in food vouchers no not food stamps and so much more.

Yall ok with the government taking out taxes to pay for lord knows what but God forbid someone wants to help locally.

She is teaching her daughter responsibility and respect where it’s due.

17 Likes
100

You sound like a very responsible parent. Don’t take advice from strangers on the internet, do what you believe is right!

7 Likes