My husband does not want our kids around my friend who has seizures: Advice?

I think your husband is trying to tell you that this is a situation he doesn’t want to be involved in. He’s sympathetic but he doesn’t want to help because you all have a family and your own responsibilities. Ask him

1 Like

As someone who works in first response, a 3 year old probably wouldn’t even understand enough to be “traumatized”
BUT, I would love the authentic opportunity to teach my daughter (also 5) how to help or aid someone having a seizure. People have them all the time and some people even without a history of them. It’s a great time to teach them how to not be afraid but the realism of medical issues. Hubby sounds like HES scared and blaming it on the kids.

3 Likes

Wow this blows my mind. I have so much to say but I won’t. Does he not like the friend? I don’t believe in sheltering kids either and NO that doesn’t mean I just threw my kids into everything as children but I was always honest if they had questions it’s not like she has a drug or alcohol problem and is going to be babysitting your kids. What would he do if they were in public and witnessed someone having a seizure? Idk this just irritates and frustrates me I feel like he is being unreasonable. Good luck and you and your friend are definitely going to be in my prayers!

It can be traumatic for them even with all the explanation in the world. OR your kids could not care at all. This is something you and your husband need to discuss and come to an agreement on. We can’t help you compromise with your husband.

1 Like

Both people have their concerns and both should be considered and respected and come to a reasonable mutual solution

1 Like

Both my boys have friends with epilepsy. It’s best they understand it and know what’s going on when it happens. This way they aren’t traumatized if they happen to see it elsewhere.

2 Likes

I think you’re a beautiful person, and everyone should have a friend like you! I also think your husband isn’t wrong. I wouldn’t want my kids seeing this. But perhaps a sit down chat with them is needed. Kids understand more than we think they do. And if it was to happen, even just calling for help is life saving. But also some 1 on 1 time with daddy would be lovely for them too.
There’s no wrong or right here. Just 2 people wanting to do what they can to help others amd protect their children

2 Likes

So sorry for your friend. You’re a great one for wanting to help her and staying in contact with her. I feel that if you talk to your kids beforehand, and explain that if it happens, not to be scared, and that she will be ok. I’m wondering if he would feel the same way if it was a family member. No disrespect at all, I’m just wondering if you could present it to him like that.

Well actually it could be a good learning moment for them. What if a kid in one of their classes at school has a seizure disorder.

I was taught in school how to handle being around a seizure person because someone at the school had a disorder.

But honestly if they are his kids too you need to work it out between yourselves and respect his opinion.

Try explaining it to the kids and see what they think about it. Yes I know they are too young to really understand but if they seek freaked out by the idea then don’t do it.
Her staying for a few days doesn’t seem like alot of help seizures don’t just go away quickly so what happens after her stay with you?
You can’t save everyone. Your kids are more your responsibility then this friend so if your husband truly thinks it’s an issue you should trust him. He may see something you don’t see. There may be more to it then he doesn’t want them around seizure people that mya just be the easy excuse he went with.

2 Likes

Thats a part of life he can’t hide the kids from

2 Likes

It’s real life. Yes, it could be something scary for a child but sitting next to someone with epilepsy at the movies and you not knowing is the same. My 2 year has been an epileptic since he’s 3 months old. His siblings have watched him seize and hospitalized a couple of times. Yes it was scary but it’s real life and things happen. They’re not traumatized and to teach your children to basically be scared of someone with a disorder they can not control is kind of sad. I hope people don’t treat me son like that because it might “traumatize” them.

7 Likes

I understand both of your concerns. I think your friend needs more help than you can possible give. It could be very frightening for young children. Try to get her some help and use your time with her to visit when your husband can keep your children.

3 Likes

Ridiculous this attitude but your husband does have an opinion and as a couple you need to listen to each other is your husband uncomfortable with your friends seizures sounds like he might be frightened of them you need to talk to all involved xx

1 Like

Educate them, don’t shelter them!! What if that suddenly happened to you or your husband?? It could happen to anyone, I’d rather my children know what to do in that situation, instead of panic!

7 Likes

That’s very ableist of him to say.

4 Likes

Your husband in an uncompassionate dick

A lot of people are jumping to the husband not liking/wanting to help the friend. I see it as he’s trying to protect his children from something that could be traumatic to see first hand. He was willing to help the friend out with what the wife wanted.

When I was 18 I had a friend and his mom stay with me to help and his mother had seizures pretty frequently. The first time I saw it first hand it was scary and I can definitely see it being traumatic for children who’ve never experienced a situation like that before. Children might not understand what is going on, but they are most definitely more intelligent than most people believe.

3 Likes

Its GREAT your husband wants to help with groceries etc.

I think his “solution” of him taking the kids with him is GREAT IDEA. A couple of days in a hotel with a swimming pool.
YOU have one on one time with your freind when she REALLY NEEDS you.

I AGREE with teachon4g the kids about seizures (a
nyone of you could have seizures)

5 Likes

What a small minded man …in my opinion children should be around people who have things like this…they will learn so much and know what to do in certain situations…good luck…do what you feel is right :heart::england:

2 Likes

Ugh
I could see his view
However teach the kids and if anything happens husband can get them out of the room. :person_shrugging:

2 Likes

I personally think you can tell them and educate them what a seizure is if it happens they can be prepared. Kids are going to experience things with or without you around. I think it will be an teaching moment. If it happens they can choose to stay or go. One day I passed out because of a medical emergency and my then 3 year old knew what to do. He was about to call 911 when I came to, he doesn’t remember it now but he almost needed to call kids are resilient and strong. You can’t hide stuff from kids. My opinion.

3 Likes

My kids had a friend with a seizure disorder, we took care of kids with Down syndrome, autistic and other issues to give their parents a break. When my children became adults and I asked them if they resented or were frightened by these children they said, no, that if made them more compassionate and less afraid of different,people. If you explain what is going on, even .a toddler will able ro handle someone who is different.

4 Likes

Seizure disorders do not discriminate. They don’t care about someone’s gender, race, age, political views, etc; they can develop for anyone. This could be a fantastic opportunity to teach your children about these disorders. As a parent of a child, a 6 year old, with a seizure disorder, I can definitely say that awareness and compassion are so much better than ignorance.

6 Likes

This is an opportunity to spread awareness and a teaching moment for your children

2 Likes

You’re husband needs to show a little more empathy towards her. This can become one of those teaching moments for both your children and husband. He needs it really really bad

2 Likes

Seizures are a very frightening and scary thing to witness. And i can understand where your husband id coming from. Alot of times the person can’t control their bladder or bowels and drooling. Are you prepared to explain that to a 3 & 5 year old ? I know you mean well and want to help but seizures are an ugly event ( please I mean no disrespect) that i think your little ones may be a little bit to young for and it may frighten them. I’d let Dad take them for the day and that way you can devote your entire attention to your friend. And when the children get older then by all means let them become a part of her world. And understand that seizures are a normal part of somepeoples lives. Thats just my opinion. But it is totally between you and hubby. Good luck.

I agree with those who said she has more problems than you can help with! !!

I have epilepsy, absence seizures to be exact. I had my last one alone when my almost 2 year old was alone with me we. Our house is child proof and he was not harmed. That was 5 years ago. He doesn’t remember a thing. Don’t keep your children back because of the possibility of a seizure. Some of us are parents and our children are not traumatized.

1 Like

He needs to look at it as a teaching experience I stead if taboo…children are very intelligent and know more than most people give e them credit for

1 Like

Your hubby is beyond being unreasonable. Does he not understand that you can’t shelter your children from every.damn.thing.? What if, while at Wal Mart, he’s with the 2 kids and the lady in front of them at the check out goes into a seizure? I would explain to them in an age appropriate way what is going on with “Aunt Suzy” and if she gets sick while you’re there, everything will be okay, you know how to take care of her. This is a good chance for learning to begin when it comes to health related issues. Ask your hubby what if it were you that was in this situation? Is he going to leave you laying there seizing and run with the boys?

It is traumatic witnessing a seizure even as an Adult and knowing what it is. That said your Husband gave you an option to help your friend and keep your kids from being traumatized. Win Win :trophy: :raised_hands:

1 Like

This is ridiculous- they’ll see this at school and quite honesty, it may be their teacher , para, or another student! Your husband or yourself could develop a condition that is prone to seizures- this man needs to check himself and his motivations, and you should be questioning the motivations yourself.

My daughter is 28. She has had seizures her whole life due to oxygen deprivation at birth. I have 6 other kids.

Having Katie as their sibling growing up helped grow my children into the most caring, loving, compassionate people in the world.

They have helped with seizure care since they could understand that sissy was in danger. Even the 2 year olds would come and get me.

Your husband is dead wrong.

Your friend deserves love and compassion and help.

Your children can learn a lot from this situation. 3 and 5 year olds understand more than you think.

Even my 5 year old granddaughter who is around her Aunt Katie all the times understands. Because it has been explained to her.

How about instead of teaching children to be afraid of someone that is different……teach them love and compassion.

This is a lesson in character and how to be an amazing human being.

We as humans can never be too young to learn these things.

I don’t know where your friend lives but if it is anywhere near Omaha Nebraska please tell me and I will help her.

I have seizures. Fortunately, my younger kids haven’t witnessed it. But if they do, it’s life. Odds are she won’t have a seizure at your house. But if she does, it’s a good learning experience for your kids with the right explanation