I will try to make this as short as possible; a very good friend of mine has been STRUGGLING the last 6-7 years; parents died, siblings are assholes and won’t help, divorce, ex won’t pay child support, seizures, brain tumor and cancer, Job loss, eviction… and the list goes on. She beat the cancer but has a residual tumor, which can cause seizures at any given moment. Sunday she 20 and had to be hospitalized. We live 3 hours away from her and I try to help when and how I can. I have a hubby and 3 and 5 year old. We will be visiting this weekend and I told my hubby I was thinking of having her stay with us two nights so I can take her grocery shopping and keep an eye on her. She shouldn’t be alone, in case of another seizure. He told me that we was ok with us getting her groceries but he did not think it was a good idea for the kids to be around someone who could potentially have a seizure. He says it would be too impactful/traumatic for them and that we shouldn’t willingly expose them to that type of situation. I feel that if we talk to them first they will understand. She has not had my seizures since she was hospitalized. I have not offered this to my friend yet, so she would not be disappointed, but she had no family that will help and a VERY small friend circle. I feel like my hubby is being unreasonable, but could he be right?Add: he said that if I decided to take her to the house he would just take the kids somewhere else those days to stay with them
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband does not want our kids around my friend who has seizures: Advice?
Although it could potentially scare your kids, it could also teach them what to do in cases of seizures. However I wouldn’t avoid having a friend stay with me or even be around my kids just because they have seizures - it just sounds really $hitty honestly
The husband is wrong.
My son’s father recently started having seizures and our son happened to witness part of one happening and he isn’t traumatized 
I think it’s great you’re wanting to help your friend out especially if she doesn’t have any family willing to help let alone other friends. I’m sure this would mean the world to her knowing at least one person cares
Do it ask if it were him ?
I honestly am not sure why people shield their kids from the bullshit that goes on in the world. If the parents didn’t make it a big deal, they would never know the difference. Seizures happen, children need to know about them. Periods happen, children need to know about them. Shootings happen, need ta know about them. Pedo’s exist, need to know about them. Etc. You get the point. Husband is wrong.
husband is definitely wrong and could use therapy himself it sound like
You should talk to your kids and educate them that it could be a possibility and teach them about it! It could end up beneficial knowing what to do later also
My son has epilepsy. My older kids have been around it for 8 years. It hasn’t traumatized them. Yes they get scared but they still live him and treat him like they should not like someone to be scared of them.
Your husband is being selfish and unreasonable. He is uncomfortable around your friend and is using the children as an excuse. He is totally wrong!
That’s called ableism. People have health conditions and disabilities and it is important to teach children what we are all different and that’s ok.
Your husband is a jerk
I am a full time single mum to 6 children and one of my children also has sezuires and I have sezuires because we have sezuires doesn’t make us any less of a person we just have to deal with life differently to people that don’t your husband is wrong he needs to zip is mouth has one day he could develop sezuires and would he like it if the tables were turned sure he wouldn’t shame on your husband.
It’s literally a part of life. Adults and kids dont have the luxury of stopping them. Its something kids ahould be aware of as well. What if they were alone with dad and he had a seizure? They would know the signs and know what to do without freaking out or panicking. Id explain that to him… As someone whos had seizures, I wish I didnt. I wish other people didn’t have to see me have one just as much as I wish I didnt have them.
Your kids are going to be exposed to a lot of things in this world good and bad. I would use it as a teaching/learning opportunity to educate my children on what seizures are, what can cause them, and how to properly care for someone during that moment and/or get help. There’s age appropriate ways to teach anything. A medical condition is not something to shield your children from and quite frankly it’s a little upsetting he’d even have that thought in his head. Sure nobody WANTS to see a seizure but the person seizing doesn’t want to be either so 
teach your kids empathy, they obviously aren’t getting any from dads side 
You are absolutely right mama
Your husband is wrong in my opinion. I have epilepsy and 2 children aged 2 and 8 .They have learned empathy kindness and compassion from my seizures.
As a mom to a child who has seizures this breaks my heart. I’ll try to keep emotions out of my response though and answer from an educational/awareness space. The Epilepsy Foundation website has amazing resources for all ages about seizure response and first aid. If you show those to your husband and kids maybe they would feel more comfortable. Seizures are actually very common and knowing how to respond is a good idea for anybody. I’ve been in a grocery store and witnessed somebody going into one and was able to help and get emergency response there while others walked by, unsure of what to do. I would also recommend to your friend to check out the epilepsy foundation website to get some resources for herself. There are seizure monitors to help her and she should know about a very real risk called SUDEP if her doctor hasn’t mentioned it.
Your kids are going to be exposed to a lot of things in this world good and bad. I would use it as a teaching/learning opportunity to educate my children on what seizures are, what can cause them, and how to properly care for someone during that moment and/or get help. There’s age appropriate ways to teach anything. A medical condition is not something to shield your children from and quite frankly it’s a little upsetting he’d even have that thought in his head. Sure nobody WANTS to see a seizure but the person seizing doesn’t want to be either so teach your kids empathy, they obviously aren’t getting any from dads side
I think you are right explain it and what it means. It is a great way to explain that people are different and sometimes need a helping hand.
Your kids are going to be exposed to a lot of things in this world good and bad. I would use it as a teaching/learning opportunity to educate my children on what seizures are, what can cause them, and how to properly care for someone during that moment and/or get help. There’s age appropriate ways to teach anything. A medical condition is not something to shield your children from and quite frankly it’s a little upsetting he’d even have that thought in his head. Sure nobody WANTS to see a seizure but the person seizing doesn’t want to be either so teach your kids empathy, they obviously aren’t getting any from dads side
I feel like you know he is being unreasonable. I don’t know how he can justify that.
Throw the whole man away.
Honestly this could be a learning curve for the kids when the going gets tough the tough keep going
Your hubby is a jealous douche
Your husband actually came up with a good compromise. You get to spend time with your friend and he gets to spend time with the kids.
Seizures can be very traumatic to experience for children (or anyone for that matter). There’s no need to willfully expose your kids to it if you don’t have to.
Both of you have admirable goals and shouldn’t approach this by trying to figure out who is “right”. You both have very valid concerns/desires and should find a middle ground.
Your husband is a huge jerk. What if you developed seizures? What if he did?
So what happens if tables we’re turned and it was him
I think it’s important for kids to experience all kinds of people with disabilities. How dare you teach your children humility. You husband is an ass hat
What the hell? Does he know this could happen with a random kid at the park? Or a random adult at anytime. Why would he not want something like that to happen in a possible situation where y’all are present and can explain? I feel like I would put my foot down. Why does he get to decide for your children what he wants. Your choices matter just as much
I understand his concern but he is wrong imo. I think this is a serious situation that the kids would need to be talked to about before hand.
My second and fourth born sons have epilepsy. I pursued my learning in nursing to learn how to care and advocate for my son so when my 4th came along and started seizing we were all well educated on how to take care of them. All my kids know how to respond, react and handle this situation. It can happen to anyone, anywhere. So why not teach the kids how to handle if the situation should arise.
That’s really sad. It’s good to teach your children young that medically disorders happen they’re part of life and those people are people. Not to mention many children have seizures more than likely they’ll be exposed. How sad he even thinks that way and is putting you in that position
I think your husband is wrong. Compassion is much needed in this situation and your kids should be aware that there are people with disabilities. They have to learn about showing compassion to others as well and they learn that from watching you.
I mean it could scare your kids , but it could very educational to your kids as well. You can teach them if they happen to see one. You can tell them what to do if one where to happen. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe one day they will come across someone having a Seizure and will know how to help and what to do. I see this as an educational thing for them.
I don’t think it’s an issues for them to be around her. Explain things to them first. Who’s to say that a child they play with or go to school with won’t have that issue or anyone they encounter for that matter. If they were to witness your friend having one then they would be able to recognize it in the future with other people. People have different medical conditions but that doesn’t mean you keep them away because of it. 
When one of my kids was I think in first grade, a classmate had a seizure in class. It was scary, but it was also an excellent opportunity to teach kindness, compassion, and empathy.
We had a friend that had grand seizures one day that person had a grand seizure three times in a 20 minute. To the point that we thought he was gonna rip the post and hold up a porch off my daughter had ran upstairs or like cater to his needs and she had moved her dresser against her bedroom door and was in the closet I finally was able to talk her into coming out she was seven years old by the way and the first thing she says is can I tell my teacher at thatt
Your husband is wrong and an ass!
I think he is thinking about your kids’ well being first and foremost. However, he is not wrong in his intentions but wrong in his assumptions. This could happen to a family member, even him. Would he then stay away from his kids? It is a learning experience for them in empathy, friendship and so many other possible ways. Kids are way more understanding and resilient than we give them credit for.
The kids will understand if u explain to them. Have ur friend over you are an angel to her.
I suffer from seizures, my son at 7 had to learn what to do and call 911, it is traumatic, to this day they struggle. But do not exclude , teach you children this might happen and teach them to leave the room, go to their rooms and once the seizure is over, bring them out to show them she is fine 
Your husband apparently doesn’t realize that the kids will be going through stuff way more traumatic than someone else having a seizure. It should be a learning experience for them.
It’s a chance to showcase to your children how to care for a vulnerable party.
- sincerely, the wife of a epileptic who’s kids aren’t traumatized.
When able bodied people “protect” their kids from those with disabilities, they create children with no ability o understand people unlike them.
I think your kids will be fine if you talk openly to them IF it happens.
Your husband has maturity issues.
If they were older yeah I’d say he’s unreasonable I only say that because your kids are young enough that no mattter how well you do explain and communicate they still might not understand. But his compromise is reasonable he’s not saying you can’t he’s just being a father saying your kids aren’t ready yet
I have seizures my children were petrified when they first seen them and they are older. My honest opinion teach her before she is around her show them children’s videos of what they are so she isn’t scared. I can understand your husband’s point of view. It’s not against her he’s worried for them and I get it but if they learn before they see it they won’t be as afraid and actually just may be good little helpers.
I don’t blame him…seizures are crazy scarey especially for kids
I think he’s right. They are too young. Help without kids present.
Wow just wow… my husband has epilepsy and this just hurts my soul to think someone could so cruel like that we have 4 children together and our children have seen him go into one but you gotta explain it to them so they could understand of course it’s scary but they are only human too smh… I hope your husband could be more understanding good luck
Go get your friend ! …
Taken her in and help her !
Life’s 2 short maybe she can help with kids and bills and honestly it would be a good thing for them to learn and how to deal with them …education on things like this is important
I guess it also depends on their ages and maturity level
I think husband may be insecure because of all the time you put into this friendship . Tell him that teaching your kids about kindness and spending time with friends that are like family is important . I think it’s great that your including your husband in this decision. Talk to him and explain that you appreciate him and maybe he can help with this situation. How he can help . Your friend maybe needs to move closer .
This is definitely a good learning opportunity for your children. It’s never too early for them to start understanding that we are all different. I personally think it would be more traumatic to them to be an adult and have absolutely no idea how to help someone during a seizure then for them to be educated on it as a young child
Talk to them about it first. My dad was really sick and in the hospital when my kids were about those ages and we talked about how Grandpa was doing and that he had tubes connected to him because medicine isn’t always something you eat. When they were allowed in to see him they knew what to expect and they were just happy to see Grandpa. I think it helped that they knew what to expect. Just explain what may or may not happen. Tell them that if that happens to (if no other grown ups are in the room at the time) get a grown up and go play in their room so Mom and Dad can help your friend feel better. Good luck to your friend and thank you for being such a caring friend to her.
I realize he’s protecting his kids but Is that the only reason he doesn’t want her there?
You kids will see much worse. What he’s missing here is something that’s not controlled so if it happens the kids will see you tend to him correctly and will know what to do if they faced with this situation when they are older they will be prepared.
It is extremely traumatic even as an adult & having a clear understanding of what’s going on (especially if they r close to her). But great idea for you to hang out with her, while dad has a cool day out with the kids.
I realize that that moment my daughter was too young to handle such a traumatic situation emotionally that I told my friend to she need to take care of her self start taking her medication‘s his medication Siri and until he could go longer than three months without a seizure my friendship would be totally at their home or outside my homeAnd that’s the way it had to be my child safety and mental health is so much more important than another human being you may have to find new ways to support your friend and love your friend
He is being super unreasonable. The children shouldn’t be shielded from something like that. How would he feel if something were to happen to him and he has no control over something and you say you don’t want the kids around him bc of it? Life has a funny way of humbling us real fast. He needs to consider that. That’s not fair to you, her or the kids. You should be able to explain to the kids before they get there and if he doesn’t want them to see it, let them and him know that they’re to go into another room or something if it were to happen. But shielding the kids from something like that is ridiculous. Especially since it isn’t in her control and you won’t be able to shield them forever. It’s better for them to experience now so if later on down the road, if it were to happen to someone else in front of them, they don’t freak out and they know what to do to help.
I understand his concern, but sometimes children rise in these situations and learn a great deal from them. If your kids are sheltered from certain situations and these arise later in life they may not be able to handle it. At the end of the day this is a difficult parenting choice for the two you
It could happen to anyone or any place
Think you should still move forward with your plan; it’s the right thing to do.
As a mum of kids that have seizures 2/5 kids and an ex partner that has them also I spoke to my kids about it yes it was scary the first few times that the kids seen a seizure only talking about my own kids it didn’t traumatise them it did open a chat after when things had settle for them to say how they felt and now they come and get me if they hear there sister drop or see her they yell out for me while they talk to her tell her she is ok and same with there oldest sister it’s not always a bad thing
Perfect opportunity to teach your children about people with medical disabilities.
My best friends daughter witnessed her uncle have a seizure at age 8 and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance and had issues with night terrors and incontinence for years afterwards even with professional help. It was very traumatic. Things impact every child differently, your husband probably is just trying to protect them.
Sounds like he has controll issues and runs of educational things
My son had seizures when he was young and it totally freaked his friends out when it happened to him at school cause they had no idea what was happening to him I think it would be less traumatic on them if they had seen it in a more controlled setting. Guarding your children from people with medical conditions. Won’t stop them from seeing them. It will help them understand other. And they will know how to help their friends if it ever happens to them.your husband is being unreasonable.
What about children that have siblings that have seizures? Friends? Kid’s themselves? Angela Kay you have so much more insight into why this woman needs compassion. And why children should be allowed life experience. Could you please interject.
So if you had seizures all of a sudden would he take the kids from you? Your children needs to learn one way or another that we are all different and go through different things through life.
There is a real possibility she may not have a seizure too.
It could be a great learning experience for your kids. It will teach them to accept people of all abilities. Our oldest son has seizures and yes it scared our youngest when he witnessed the first one but now he knows what to do and doesnt think twice about it.
Both my children were around people who had physical problems all their life. They are both well rounded adults, loving people - what if he became incapacitated? Should his kids ignore him???
that’s ridiculous would he feel that way if it was one of your kids that suffered from seizures ?? you’re an amazing friend for helping and please continue being an amazing friend and it’s good to expose kids to what happens to someone when they have a seizure and what they need to do to help it could be a classmate and they could help them from learning from you and your friend how to help with seizures it’s definitely not something you should shelter them from if god forbid you or your husband had a seizure they would know how to help so please don’t let your husband stop you from educating your children and maybe you should speak to him about it actually being helpful that they learn how to help
Damn I have epilepsy. & kids. & nieces & grandchildren. Kids understand more than ppl give them credit for. Glad nobody ever stopped me from being around kids over something I have no control of.
My kids have helped other students w/ epilepsy in their schools bc they learned what to do at home with me.
Idk if this is a hill I’d wanna die on fighting with my husband over a friend, but I don’t agree with his opinion either.
I’m glad he’s being overall supportive! You are such a great person!! I think if you explain it and help them understand it wouldn’t be too traumatic
It will be scary for them but it would be a great learning experience… as a 911 dispatcher, some of my best kid callers are children who have been around people with medical emergencies. Please use that to explain exactly what is happening during a seizure… make sure they know not to panic and who to call. Your husband is being ridiculous in my opinion. 
I agree with your husband, I realize that seizures are a part of life for a lot of people but it’s also okay to protect your kids for as long as you can. My mom has seizures and I can tell you first hand that they did in fact impact my 5 year old. 
Your husband is an asshole. People with disabilities shouldnt be alienated. Its a GREAT teaching tool for children too. Who knows helping her could turn them into the next neurologist.
You just need to explain it to them… as I was with a man for 15 years who had them… before hand I explain to my son… an he kept an eye out even though he was young . It teaches the children compassion. For others… today my son is a much better person , I think. He cares about everyone, an if someone needs a helping hand he dose his best… I think your husband might be the one scared of them just saying… as people ae afraid of what they don’t know or understand
personally i would help her as much as i could but listen to my husband on this matter . i know it would traumatize the kids if it were to happen a 3 yr old would be very afraid and would remember it for a very long time
I feel like this is largely in the way it is presented to your children like many things. It’s a balance between protecting your children and sheltering them bc as others have said life is cruel and unkind sometimes they will see much worse. I’ve said this many times to my older children and it’s not that I want to rob them of their childhood but I also feel like sheltering them and having them believe life is always this happy problem free place is not the best either.
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal real life happens all the time it’s better that they know what to do in a situation like that it’s unreasonable to shield them from every bad thing that can happen as parents the best thing we can do for our kids is prepare them for this world so they know what to do and don’t freak out if anything should happen in front of them. If he is THAT bothered by it I guess I would let him take the kids so u can still be with her it sounds like she definitely needs it but I would stress to your husband that these type of things are going to happen and it’s best to prepare them for real life situations rather than hide them and pretend they don’t exist.
THIS RIGHT HERE is what is meant by learning from home. The questions to ask yourself… do you want your kids to take after your husband and turning their back on a friend when times get tough or to turn away from someone they don’t know because they don’t want to be “exposed” OR do you want this to be a teachable moment of showing compassion and understanding to others even though we are all different and sometimes things happen beyond our control. That when we are different to be kind to one another.
There’s a reason this world lacks compassion and it all starts at home!!
So I get that he’s trying to protect them, but seizures are VERY common. My best friend is epileptic. I would rather my children have the knowledge and ability to help someone when they are grown than to freeze in fear like most people do.
Don’t hide real life from your children… yeah them about these things while they are young it will be easier for them and they might have the ability to save someone later
Educate over shelter. The kids may end up with a friend who has a seizure on the playground. Wouldn’t he want them tp be able to HELP instead of freak out if they are in that situation? I may not leave her alone with the kids, but i would let them know what happens and to come get someone if you’re in another room. It cod be traumatic but they would know how to handle a situation. When i was 8 i had a friend with epilepsy. The first time he had a seizure it was so scary, but after that it was just something to help with. This could be a beautiful learning experience for them. And it seems like your friend needs you more than ever right now.
I agree, as long as u talk n explain to ur kids than it should be ok. That way it won’t be traumatic for them if they knew and understand what’s happening. Might still be a little scary but not as traumatic as it would be if they didn’t expect or know what was going on
I think you would be setting a great example for your children by showing compassion and kindness by helping a friend in need.
Thats ridiculous. Tell him to disappear during those days shes there. It will give you a break.
Wen I was 7 I saw my mom go into a seizure. I was scared, but it def didn’t traumatize me
Yours husband is a POS
I think I was 7 when I first seen someone have a seizure an elderly friend who stayed with us. I will never forget it and was terrified. Just talk to kids and have them be prepared if its a must. Maybe think how to help with long term care. Maybe housing with care if possible. I know theres income based places to.
I feel like he’s being an a$$ that could be a teaching moment for your children, yes they are young, but if you talk to them before hand I feel like they might be ok, also you can tell them what to do if they see someone has one. Also my nephew had ones when he was young, he grew out of them, but it was scary when he had them, I was 13,14 but they called 911 and me and my brother in law went to the hospital, and my sister was in the ambulance and we beat the ambulance there, but it could be a teaching lesson, also maybe have your husband and the kids come and visit with her, and leave if he’s uncomfortable.
I think that sheltering your kids is wrong now & days, too many things your kids need to see in real time to understand, that is normal for some & some kids, he can not hide the fact if they go to school and see a kid have a seizure, first time ever seeing someone have one I was in 6th grade, it was very sad but it was apart of life, these things happen the people who it happens too can not control it, I think your husband should understand it’s nothing bad for them to see, they need to experience/ see things to handle them best later on in life if it ever occurs around them you can not protect your kids from everything but natural things like this you definitely shouldn’t.
Wow… So I guess by his logic you should never take your kids anywhere around the public… God forbid someone have a disability and your ableist Husband doesn’t understand how to explain disabilities and differences to his children…
Both of my kids have had febrile seizures. My son has had them on a few occasions, while my daughter has only experienced it once. Although febrile seizures are not the same as other seizures, they are seizures none the less. Thankfully every occasion was at home. They could very easily have happened while at day care, the grocery store, a birthday party, etc. Your children can be exposed to a plethora of impactful traumatic health issues on a daily basis. It’s a part of life. At least in the scenario you described, you can prepare them for it ahead of time. If a seizure were to occur in their presence, they’re most like going to follow your queues. If you react fearfully, it indicates to them that they should be afraid. If your instincts kick in and you jump into action in a helpful way, they will realize that it’s not something to fear, but something they can assist with. Whether it be to call 911, move furniture away, roll the person on their side or even to just give space. This is a teachable moment for them. At the very least, she doesn’t have a seizure, and you’ve explained the potential for it, your kids can ask her questions and become more informed.
At 3 & 5 I would agree with your hubby- could your kids maybe stay with a grandparent?
I was in HS the first time I seen someone have a seizure and it was a very scary situation. I understand your husband’s concerns. Maybe it would be best for your husband and kids to stay somewhere else for a couple days and you can focus all your attention on helping your friend.