Once that man put a ring on your finger, they became part of his family. (Extended) including your mom! And vise-versa. His mama will always be his mama, but he now has a NEW PRIORITY which is you and your kids
4 Likes
They both are extended family. You your husband & your children are Core & the only thing that matters. Take mother-in-law and mothers advice/ title off the table. Then yâall might be able to agree.
1 Like
Soo. I went through this. You will either suffer now and end up divorced later- or really look at things for what they are now and cut and run. Your husband is not right in heart. Nothing you can do to change this. I stayed married for 20 years. It was after his mother died in the 15th year that the disloyalty he displayed in the area of his Mom transferred right over to him being adulterous. Trust that itâs not you. It is him.
Family is family. Period.
Anyone viewing it any other way isnât right. Period.
Hard for me to say it this way, but it comes from first hand, painful experience.
Praying that you choose the best for you.
Many Blessings
12 Likes
Sounds like he is too much of a Mommas boy tell him to go move in with his Mom my son just got married this pass October and expecting their first child and told my daughter in law in a letter that her maid of honor wanted the the letters wrote to her I told I hope I am the mother in law she wants me to be and if I hurt her in anyway to let me know, my mother in law and two sister in laws wasnât very kind to me at first but as time went by they were better to me. I hope everything works out.
3 Likes
Wow of course they are family! As your husband he should be our your side not his mommy. Unless you are been rude to her but it sounds like she is the rude one! Why even get married if he is going to act like that?!
4 Likes
With all due respect your husband sounds like a jerk and a Mamas boy!!
5 Likes
Heâs a mommaâs boy thatâs for sure. Iâm sorry he will always choose his mother over anything else. Your family is his family and if he canât see that I honestly would just leave. Iâm not with the father to my children. But his mother is still my family because if the children
2 Likes
Um no. When yall married his folks are yours now and vise versa. I call my mother in law ma
2 Likes
When married, that is the family that should come first above all else. The in laws and parents should become secondary at that point. IMHO, depending on how each spouse was raised will determine the proximity. Regardless, husband and wife are primary, no matter what. If one doesnât adhere to that, then the relationship will always be strained.
1 Like
When you marry you and your spouse become one. Families combine and become one. This doesnât sound like an issue of the motherâs though, this sounds like an issue of the spouse. You two should sit down and discuss the bother he has to understand his rational behind the thinking and feelings as well as allow you to communicate yours.
1 Like
Iâm divorced⌠but to me marriage is a joining if the 2 familiesâŚ
2 Likes
He just wants an excuse to not accept her as âhis familyâ just because he doesnât like her. Thatâs childish.
2 Likes
Perhaps you donât have to get along with his mother or he doesnât have to get on with yours
You need to consider his remark however about you having to get along with his mother or get divorced
That is total disrespect to you his wife, partner and mother of his children
Remember you can love someone and not respect them but you donât need someone who doesnât respect you in your life
Sending love and healing 
1 Like
Sounds like itâs his way or the highway. You are right. When you get married families blend. At least thatâs how we see it. They donât have to be blood related to be family.
2 Likes
Maybe itâs a generation thing, but I always thought it strange that people think everyone is family as soon as someone gets together. I grew up with my family - I know them inside and out and they know me. âFamilyâ doesnât happen overnight. Sure you come together and their your childrenâs grandparents and your their sonâs wife, but actual family? If youâre lucky and thereâs respect and love on both sides you can become a family, but if there isnât respect and boundaries are flouted and people are hurt then that privilege and opportunity is lost. Thatâs my opinion anyway.
With your situation it sounds like communication is needed urgently. Is there a reason she doesnât feel like family to him? Heâs allowed to have those feelings and would probably feel invalidated. I would advise sitting down and work out what you both feel, why you both feel the way you do, and come up with a solution that makes you both feel heard and satisfied. Easy to say I know, but shouldnât that be the goal?
It looks to me that you both share the same opinion. It doesnât sound like you feel his mom is family, so what does it really matter anyway? You choose your family members, whether theyâre related to you or not. Your husband is free to choose his
1 Like
I understand all to well ,my husband acts like he picked me up from the sidewalk, while his family is centered around our birthday celebrations and holidays ,but not my family ,I have to cook clean and entertain his family .whereas he doesnât even acknowledge my family ,this is heartbreaking and so unfair .
I have been in my husbands family for 27 years and I consider them as my family as well. I wasnât always fond of all them but Iâm the same way my family
My fiance and my dad are always respectful of each other but both have voiced their dislike for each other. Two people do not have to like each other just because they married into family. I tried so hard but finally just accepted that they just donât like each other. I am family to my in laws and they are family to me but thats just because we like each other. My mom loves my fiance and so do my siblings but even if they didnât, I wouldnât miss out on things with them because I am my own person and I can go see them whenever I want.
If you are legally married, they are family by marriage. Remind him, he would not have you, if not for her. You would not have him if not for your MIL.
1 Like
If he doesnât consider you as an extension of his own family, there is something very wrong with him
Guess it kind of depends on the situation. My MIL will NEVER be my family! My daughter is 7 months old and sheâs yet to see her, but makes sure sheâs in touch with my stepdaughter. She lives 35 minutes away. She did not come to my bridal shower or my baby shower and she left our wedding at 8:30. Thatâs not how a family treats you or their grandkids. That said, Iâd never tell my husband he canât see her.
2 Likes
Well if he feels that way then I myself wouldnât even hesitate to get the divorce because if he doesnât defend you to his mother and doesnât consider your mother family then he certainly wouldnât be part of my family anymore
Am I reading this right and she thinks her mom and his mom are now family to each other? Thatâs not how that works (usually). Both ops mom and mil are family to the couple and their kids but it doesnât mean ops mom and mil are now related to each other
1 Like
Idk my boyfriends mom welcomed me with open arms and I considered her like a mom and now 3 years later she isnât speaking to me and has decided that sheâs hated me since day one so who knows family changes everyday. My boyfriend, our son and I is the family that Iâm am most concerned about and gets the majority of my time and energy.
He has no respect for you and your children thinking of your mother as not family.
Iâm not married to my boyfriend, but we do have a child together. I consider his family, my family. If we were to ever break up, I would definitely still hangout with his parents lol. Seems to me the issue is your husband not liking your mom.
1 Like
For us, itâs just our family and everyone is included. I come from a large blended family and itâs always been âthe more the merrierâ
1 Like
The threat of divorce would be more than enough for me.Tell him you will be keeping the home for your childrenâs sake and he will be paying maintenance. As you are divorcing his mother will definitely not be welcolm in your home so she will only get to see the children when he has access.
People donât need to like or be forced to like somebody because they are family or been married into the family but should always be respectfulâŚIâm a mum of 3 boys and I pray that they know Iâm mum,ill always be mum but the family they make I want that to be their first priority,and I hope they never feel like they need to defend me over their partnersâŚas I said I am mum ,ill always be mum, they need to learn to love and respect the new woman in their life the one they chose to be with I already know I am loved
1 Like
So we refer to each others family as family buuuuut if youre talking his mom and your mom being family to each other then yes i agree theyre family but like extended family. We refer to my side of the family as my side of our family not just my family. However i consider his mom my mom type so if thats how youre meaning it then totally a dick move on his part. I feel you two need to talk it out though. Its not good to say get along with my mom or were getting a divorce. He needs to understand and support you too not just his mom. Granted i wouldnt expect him to not have a relationship just bc she dislikes me buuut id expect at least a decent make nice type of relationship
It sounds to me that he is walking around the true problemâŚ
He would like a divorce but wants you to initiate it. A coward
By law you are family, he said âI doâ, and mother is in both titles. Start calling your mother in law for advice, especially about him, ask about his childhood, open communication is key.
1 Like
Itâs a yes and no⌠Yes they are family but as extension of yours. You him and the kids are immediate family.
What in earth did he get wed for 
yeah your family is his and vice versa. No matter through it all family by blood is still family and also those by name too. Xx
I think of it as youâre own family is in the house you all live in together but your mother is still apart of your family like sheâs just not in the inner circle? If that makes sense.
Look up mother enmeshed men. It will really be eye opening to your situation. At the end of the day it starts with his mother ⌠sheâs toxic and brainwashed him from childhood. No man in his right mind would tell his wife she has to get along with his mother or they should divorce. Iâd say more wives dislike their MILâs than actually like them.
We have a saying, I married you not your family. But its a bonus to get along with both sides of the family
Sounds like learned behavior directly from his mother. She probably taught him that. He needs to grow up and learn something different than what he is doing and saying. He is off.
She would be present in verrrrry close relation to him on a FAMILY tree, yeah? So, yes.
In-laws are family⌠but with that, mutual acceptance and respect are necessary. You canât force any one of them to accept each other.
Iâm so sorry. My first marriage was like that, and it was complete hell
Yes mother-in-law s are family and your husband needs to back you against anyone.you are his life partner his equal. Advice from motherâs can be hectic. Take it with a grain of salt and weigh out what each of them say and meet in the middle. Fyi I have been w my husband for about 25 yrs and his mom still doesnât like me or my parenting
Itâs biblical that when 2 marry, the man goes to her family. Or so I read.
They are family to you and him respectively and crossed.
However, maybe knowing how stong your mom is as a backup to you is offensuve to him, as he reveres his mother? Perhaps you should give equal import to his mom and her opinions as you do your mom and he will be a better support, or better yet, you both stop asking both moms altogether, and let you and him decide.
Seems there are difference in upbringing, and niether of you are willing to compromise.
How are they not familyđ⌠And his mom is not yourâs?! And heâd divorce you over his mom⌠Who TF are yâall marrying?
I consider my husbandâs family as my family, and he considers my family to be his family, too.
Thatâs ridiculous. Once you get married both families merge into one. Thatâs how it should be, however it isnât always like that, but if he is saying that if you canât get along and be âfamilyâ with his mom, it should go both ways.
1 Like
They are both part of your respective families. You canât really force him to love your mom, and vice versa. You either like someone or you donât. 
He sounds petty AF. Itâs in the Bible, if that matters to either of you, that you are, in fact, family.
Wow looks like he wants his cake and eat it too. He puts his mother first ( WRONG!) yet he doesnât want you to extend the same âwhatever it isâ to your Mother ( double wrong)
Anyway both Mothers need out of your family.
Your Husbandâs right there , your family is Husband , Wife, and children , everyone else takes second seat Period
And since he choose his Mom over you anyway , why are you even still there ?
1 Like
Run⌠run as fast as you can. He wonât change and it will get worse
3 Likes
Youâre his second wife honey. His mom is always before you. Now you decide if youâre ok with this.
He sounds just like his mother! Judgemental, entitled and selfish! Iâm sure your children love them both and he should accept that they are both family.
No the in-laws are not family to each other. Like his mother has not relation to your mother. My mom and dad do not talk to my husbands mom and dad. Unless family events, other than that they do not communicate.
Iâm gonna think outside the box here and say if youâre always asking your moms opinions on things and that includes telling your mom your marital business, then perhaps this may be the reason why he has a grudge against her. Especially if her opinions of him arenât what he would want them to be.
You gotta confide in your spouse before you confide with your mom on a regular. He may just be feeling slighted 
other than that, I got nothing 
Wow once married his family becomes yours and yours becomes his so he so wrong something is up with that maybe he doesnât wanna share his momma with you and doesnât like your mom because he doesnât wanna go against his mom
Literally, what a scum ass thing to do. Thatâs the woman that raised you. How could he not like her? The women that raised these men failed miserably.
They are family. When u marry someone your family becomes theirs. If not, then in my opinion it would not be called MOTHER in law
Ummmm forget that whole family debate. Itâs neither here nor there. What you should be thinking about is the divorce comment. Your husband is one of THOSE mamaâs boy and that, to me, is the bigger problem.
Divorce him. Marriage is 2 people working together itâs not him choosing his mother over you.
My biggest thing is that you put the line âitâs so annoying that he always sticks up for his mother and never me, even said if I canât get along with her, then we should get a divorceâ.
Does that line scare you or do you know itâs an empty threat? And also, why is it that YOU MUST get along with HIS MOTHER or else, but he doesnât have to get along with yours? Iâd start putting my foot down if I were you.
Putting âdivorceâ in the equation is a major red flag here.
i refer to my brothers MIL as my MIL when chatting in casual conversationâŚmy SIL calls my mom âmomâ. We refer to them as Gigi or Nonnie when theyâre both around.
He donât have to like them but yes, your mom is family just like his mom is family. Period.
Just go ahead and get that divorce! If heâs making it as an option, i would make it a priority! ASAP!
I donât know. Thatâs strange to me. I think theyâre all family!
Something is wrong with his frontal lobe, hez failing to manage higher level executive functions. Zvakatodhakwa!
Itâs called being an âin-lawâ for a reason. By law, you become familial.
You are never going to change his mind either. Youâre better off taking his advice and divorcing him.
Wow big Red flag. So disrespectful to you and your mom
4 Likes
I would take him up on that offer of divorce tbhâŚ
3 Likes
He needs to grow the fuck up. Id kick his ass to the curb. Hes a huge mommas boy and itll never change. Trust and believe me.
Theyâre both family and your husband sounds like a douche.
2 Likes
When you marry someone, you marry their family. You are ALL family now.
1 Like
Iâd probably divorce him.
2 Likes
No, you all are family, if he donât stick up for you to his mother, leave him, you deserve better then that.
9 Likes
Sounds like youâre married to an asshole to me
4 Likes
No, my inlaws are not family.
3 Likes
Ignore all the bad advice hereâŚ
First Christ
Second Spouse
Third Kids
4th family
5th friends
The divine order!
3 Likes
Give him a divorce he got life f up he need to grow up.
Both parents are family
Sounds like he needs to grow up. Itâs right in the title. Mother in law. Look hard at your life and decide if this kind of divide is how you want your kids growing up.
3 Likes
Thats just messed up, my in laws are my family!
My exes family is STILL my family just not him, he had to goooo 
Your husband is defective. Return him.
My husbandâs mother is 100000000% part of my family. No question. Not even up for debate.
5 Likes
Once youre married or have kids all of you are family
He needs an attitude adjustment 
Sorry but all yâall are family now.
The fact he brought divorce up means you need to goâŚ
4 Likes
My family is his family and his family is my family ⌠Itâs our family. Thereâs no his or mine.
4 Likes
All family is family whether you like it or not.
And this is what you choose you knew this and yet whatcha gonna do now
When you marry you divorce your parents.
They are family periods 
How disrespectful to you! My opinion heâs wrong.
Sorry to say it, but you married an idiotâŚ
He sounds like a mamas boy 
Get the hell out he will never change
He seems like a controlling jerkâŚsorry.
I do the same thing because I dont like my boyfriendâs family lol