The answer to your question is divorce.
Once you marry you combine 2 families.
My ex mother in law really said she was my friendâŚat best. 
You posed the question but you know the answer. It wonât get better. I donât dread holidays anymore and it feels so good 
Youâre on your way to the peace you deserve
He sounds like an idiot like his mother get out while you can
Still all familyâŚsounds childish
Heâs still attached to her tit!!
My ex was like that⌠EX⌠My new husband is not⌠Take what you will from that 
My exes family is still my family too. Iâm still invited for birthdays and holidays and special events. I still visit with his parents whenever Iâm in town or dropping kids off to visit. I donât just pull up and haul ass, I get out, we chat, then I leave. I never leave town without trying to see them beforehand. Heâs wrong.
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If he is choosing any family over you its time to lock him to the curb. I absolutely would not tolerate that. I have had that happen.
He sounds like a child lol
Tell him to go move in with his mom and send you the divorce papers. 
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This would be a fun situation, when youâre in the courtroom lol the judge will think your soon-to-ex-husband is nuts.
All jokes aside, if your so called âhusbandâ picks his mother over you and your kids and refuses to give an actual valid reason to get along with your mom, then itâs time yaâll get a divorce. This sounds like my ex husband. You see how I said EX HUSBAND? Yeah, he always defended his mom and never me. We didnât get a divorce because of just that, there was infidelity on his part. I hope you get this figured outâ:blush:
I would never put up with my husband being such a twit.
It sounds like yâall have two separate relationships with your parents. If you donât like his mother, and he doesnât like yours, his solution seems simplest.
I wouldnât stay with the man if he believes that way. Its our family and thats how it should be
First, try to remember that Family is not always Relatives and Relatives are not always family. I donât hear/read that your husband is demanding you NOT think of his family as yours, but I do hear/read that you are demanding that he think of your family as his. And sorry, hunny, but if thatâs the case, youâre in the wrong here. Your mom and his mom are NOT family, just because they have grandchildren in common, UNLESS and UNTIL the two women WANT to feel and think of each other that way. And that is a decision, a choice, that is up to those two women ALONE. Itâs not up to you. You canât require it of either of them. As long as neither is abusive to the other when they are together, whatâs the problem? Your husband is NOT obligated to think of your mother as his family, if he doesnât want to. Heâs not obligated to think of his mother as YOUR family, if he doesnât want to. Just as you are not obligated to NOT think of your in-laws as family. So, let him feel the way he wants, YOU feel the way you want. Which is what it sounds to me like heâs asking of you. There is NO harm in either. You can feel differently from him on this matter, and vice versa, and still have a happy marriage. Part of having a happy marriage is Respecting each otherâs differences. Itâs great when extended, in law families can think of each other as âOne big happy family,â but it doesnât HAVE to be like that in order for YOU and HE to have a great marriage. And if you didnât know that Mother in laws are notorious for being busy bodies and critical of their childâs spouse, youâve been under a rock. Is she abusive to you? Call you names, yell at you, hit you? If the answer is no, then you just have to learn how to deal with people like her. My favorite way to deal with people like her is to say, âThatâs great advice. Iâll take that into consideration.â OR, âIâm not sure I understand. Can you show me?â Or, âWill you help me?â Most of the time, the worst thing that happens is MIL does all or some of the work, you got some help or a break, and she walks away thinking she did something. Unless the way she does something, or wants you to do it is harmful, itâs a Win-Win for everyone. Just go with it. You donât have to like her way, and you can undo it and do it your way when she leaves. You said he doesnât like your mom. So. Is he disrespectful to her? No? Then whatâs the problem? Leave the relationship between your mother and your husband up to your mother and your husband for them to choose for themselves how they will feel or relate to one another. They donât have to like each other. YOU donât like HIS mom. While I get that you feel justified in not liking his mom, but that he is not justified in not liking yours, there is still some reason he doesnât. You may not agree with his reasons, you may think his reasons are ridiculous, or you may not know what his reasons are, but they are still his reasons and heâs as entitled to them as you are to yours in not liking his mom. I guarantee he disagrees with your reasons. RIGHT? So why is it okay for you to feel whatever way you want to about his mom and his family, but itâs not okay for him to feel the way he wants about yours?
If she isnât considered family then neither is his.
Leave him! He sounds toxic
Sounds like an asshole.
When you get married, your families become one family. <3
She is YOUR mother, she gave birth to you. You wouldnât be here if it wasnât for your motherâŚfacts!!
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Should put him in heâs place ! Bad guy
Regardless, your husband sounds like a jackass
Family⌠sounds like itâs HIS mom who had a problem and heâs sticking up for her because itâs his mom. I agree with Michele Saunders his heart isnt there.
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Your Mother is your Everything and never ever let anyone(not even your husband)say anything different!
Much luck to youđ
Sorry but he sounds like a narcissistâŚbeen down that road before and that is one of the signs. His family is great and urs is trash and the fact he can just divorce you over something like that means he has no consideration for your feeling only his own. âHe is right you are wrongâ no matter what either parent said or did.
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I was with a man like this once. Complete mummyâs boy. It did not end well. His mother was terrible
The fact he jumps to âdivorceâ so quick makes me think he doesnât want to be married or have any respect for you. Let his momma have her son back, the umbilical cord is clearly still attached.
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He is being petty, and that will ruin your marriage. She may not be immediate family, but she is absolutely family.
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Whoa! I mean if your mom pulled away or was constantly causing issues and you both agreed to step away then I could maybe understand. Thatâs a bummer he doesnât want you considering his own mother your family either. Something isnât quite right with his train of thought on the matter.
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Once you marry, both sides become family with each other. If you have siblings theyâre counted as aunts and uncles so why canât she be considered family ? Makes no sense.
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My in-laws are treasured family members. We love them very much. Iâd be offended if someone suggested otherwise.
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I have to agree with your husband your immediate family is you and your husband and your children 
thatâs how me and my husband feel as well our immediate family is my husband & myself and our 4 boys anyone outside of our household is still family but not immediate family if that makes sense it makes sense to us. My husband is also and only child so his mother & him are very close she talks hella crap about me & idc at this point because I donât have to live with her or hear it & FINALLY my husband puts her in her place when it comes to me and our kids.
But sit down and talk to him explain how you feel and why you feel that way and maybe you can agree or Atleast agree to disagree And keep it moving. You obviously love each other or you wouldnât be married so donât let outsiders (your motherâs or anyone else) have an opinion on your marriage or household period!
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Iâve thought of my husbandâs family as my family since before we were engaged. And vice-versa.
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Once you are married and have kids that is your family. Siblings and parents become family members. But if feels that way and actually mentions divorce⌠Weâll he can just go have his momma suck his dick 
. Just my opinion 
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IMO, when you marry, the families blend, and everyone becomes family.
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Why are you married to him again?
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My family is opposite. My mum is definitely a part of our family. His isnât. She shows no interest in him or our 4 children. Never contacts him or them, except for Christmas and birthday cards (but they donât know who she is,) and he hasnât seen or heard from her since we got married 2 years ago.
I never heard of that. You mom is his mom in law. When you marry, families combine.
She must have known his thoughts and attitude before she got married if no big mistake
Oh yikes. If he truly loved you and your children he would accept your mother as you do his. Him mentioning divorce is a huge red flag. Iâd get your ducks in a row and start making a nest egg in case crap hits the fan⌠and would communicate to him that youâre very disappointed with his attitude and him bringing up divorce. Perhaps he believes youâre airing out marital issues to your mother and doesnât approve?
Iâm sorry youâre going through this
You are Married into eachotherâs families and you are Blood Connected to eachotherâs families through your children.
Leave him. He has someone else or was born a little asshole. 
Cant help not liking someone.you cant force it
Just get the divorce sis, he sounds like an idiot
His âif you dont like her then you should divorce meâ comment is what would worry me.
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Heâs right. You should get divorced.
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This guy sounds like such a dick.
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Of course you are all one big family
Mommas boy to the maaaaxxxx
Leave his dumb ass! thatâs so disrespectful of him
Girl I get it how you feel
Wow. I would try for some couple counseling Hopefully he will agree and you can work through this. You are not wrong. Not only is she his mother and your mil she is the childrens grandmother. A mutual respect should be something you both have for the sake of them. Kids pick up on things and shouldnât have to feel torn or be exposed to tension and drama. Good luck. Your husband should always be supportive of you.
in-lawâs are even immediate family so I guess you are absolutely right. And considering what you tell us I would expect my husband to be more understanding and stick up for me in this case. This must hurt your feelings and you must be very sad and frustrated sometimes. Not ok.
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Heâs right, say thank you. He just told you where you are on his list of priorities. Save yourself years of misery and get out. Therapy then divorce if he canât see the problem.
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I took my children to the in-laws for Christmas out of respectâŚthey were her step grandchildren!! When we walked in her house there would be SIX stockings hung on the hearth and NINE little kids !! I learned real quickâŚdidnât go back !! By the way we have been married 45 years now !! We came to an understanding !!!
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As someoneâs mother in law (who treats me like gold platinum) Iâm
So dismayed by the lack of respect 
just blows my mindâ:exploding_head:
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I call my mother in law mum and my partner calls my mum, mum. His family is mine and vice versa.
We may not always agree on the same things but there is always a mutual respect and love. This is coming from someone who is married to a mummyâs boy, he will always have my back when his mother is in the wrong.
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Why do people not like their mother in laws? I liked mine but they didnât interfere. They should all realize that one day they are going to be the Mother-in-law , and they would not like to be treated badly.
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My 2 centsâŚwhen you marry someone your family becomes his and his becomes yours. I am a mother in law and I consider my son in laws parents as family as well.
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We treat our son in law and future daughter in law just like we do our own children. Our future daughter in law even calls me Mom which is fine with me either way. I told them early on we would treat them with the same love and respect we have for our children and hope for the same.
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Seriously, I want to say that he sounds like a child but my children would never say anything like that
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Your husbands still a boy. Send him back to his parents house, heâs not ready to be an adult yet
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Iâd tell him go ahead and file for divorce. Sounds like heâs trying to make up an excuse anyway,
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I donât know that I would consider in laws family, at least not immediate family. To me, family is your spouse and kids and your own parents. Reality is if yâall divorce, heâs likely not to have anything to do with your mother ever again.
Now the whole if you and his mother donât get along and stuff, thatâs a red flag. I would seek marriage counseling and hope that helps. If not, Iâd be out.
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dude if heâs putting her over you, iâd be questioning if you want to be in that relationship. heâs supposed to be the head of your family, you and your childrenâs needs should come first. if thatâs not clear for him iâd be leery to stay.
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Sooo in other words⌠heâs allowed to not like your mom or get along with her⌠but if it were reversed he would divorce? Definitely sounds very one sided on his part and you need to kick his red flagged ass to the curb! Them babies deserve more than to have their own grandmother not be considered family, especially if she is a good and trying grandmother.
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So I donât call my mother in law mom or anything. She is addressed as her first name. I wouldnât send her a mute heâs day card, but would remind my husband to. My husband had the same relationship with my mom when she was alive, and same goes for his dad/my dad. We were both fairly close with our own parents but not with each others, mostly just tolerated them as a part of our life respectfully. I think itâs important to note you donât have to take his mothers advise, but he also certainly doesnât have to take your mothers either.
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I asked my Mom before I got married if it would be ok to call my new in-laws Mom and Dad. Her answer was that it would be much worse if I didnât feel comfortable doing that. Almost 30 years later and mine are Mama and Daddy while my husbandâs parents are Mom and Dad
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You parents are supposed to raise you to grow a family of your own and a future. He is obviously attached to her. Its not supposed to be one or the other. If a decision should have to be made then it should be for his family, he is no longer a child even though he is acting like one.
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In-laws are family. Unless they burn a bridge by abusing you with mental degradation and endangers your children. If the Mother in law is treating you badly in front of him. and heâs not doing anything to stop it. Heâs definitely not a man - mamaâs boy is what it sounds like, and they will do anything for their mom. (brainwashed it happens more often than naught) You can either put your foot down to her, or you can walk out.
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When you decide to marry you are uniting two families ! Respect both sets of parents if youâre set on believing that an in law is not family them donât marry ! Itâs very selfish to treat others bad because you donât consider them family !
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Your employer and the government both consider in-laws in the same tier of family as parents and siblings, so yes they are. But if he doesnât like them thatâs a whole different conversation.
Mothers may not be part of of your immediate family, but mothers and mother-in-law are family. Each mother had a part in raising you so they are family and always will be. Love them and treat them with respect. They deserve it.
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When you get married the 2 families are joined not just the 2 people. In laws are family. Iâve been divorced for 25 years, I still consider my ex husbandâs parents, siblings and their children as family, they are blood related to my children who are blood related to me
Heck, after my husband and I divorced I stayed at his uncleâs place for a week when we came through town one year. They asked us to stay longer, for their daughterâs graduation. And I STILL call his mom, Mama. And she treats the son I had by someone else after I left her son as if he is a blood relative. And trust me, my ex is nothing if not a mamaâs boy. BUT she raised him better than this manâs mama, apparently. Family is what you make it, and the tighter the bonds the more storms you can weather. As a parent you have to stop and consider what kind of boat you want your kids in.
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In laws on both sides ARE family! Both my parents and my husbandâs parents always said, âWe marry them in and bury them out!â Family is family!
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What a bizarre attitude as they all become extended family when you get married
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Let me get this straight⌠You married a child that stated âdonât like my momma then we breaking up!â??? 
Lady. You married a real winner there, perhaps divorce would be the best option for the two of you.
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Itâs time for him to grow up or go back to his mommy! You are right. He is wrong and if he cannot see itâŚyou need to say bye-bye.
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You husband is a child who needs to grow up
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The disrespect that comes from your husband is disgusting! No offense but I would of punched his mouth and told him to boot it! Kids or no kids. I mean the reality of it is: do you want your kids to be influenced in such a way? A mother who condones a son to disrespect his wife like that is just a c#*t sorry! And she criticizes you because she blames you for either taking her sons attention away from her or shes mirroring what has been done to her. Either way, whether you like the in laws or not for both sides, you make an effort to atleast be civil for the love of not only your man/wife but also for your kids. I hope you work it out either way, best of luck to you and your familyâŚ
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Your husband is a child and is in love with his mama. Be careful
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He is totally WRONG your Mother and his ARE part of the Family he has a bad attitude this means when your children get married he wonât be part of their families does he think of this
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To me my family is my husband and my son. Yes I have my mother and siblings but in order of priority, MY family comes 1st, Iâm sorry I donât understand why ppl need to include the in laws in their family. Yes we love them and they raised us but we are starting our OWN family. Iâm married to my husband not his parents and vice versa
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Family is who you choose to be in your circle regardless of relationship. Your partnership is with your spouse, if there are outside forces interfering with that bond, cut them off. Your hubby needs a punch in the arm from a friend for what he said. I being male can understand why he would say such a thing to close an argument and move on. It is likely he doesnât mean to divorce literally. It sounds like the husbandâs mother still hasnât let him leave the nest. When I married my wife, I married in to her family problems too. It took a long time, but those problems go away. Married 21 years now with three kids. I had to tolerate a dissenting in-law until she passed. some time after she passed, my wife finally realized how twisted she had her.
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Yes motherâs Are Family your mother is your family his family in law, and his mother is his family and your family in law, but they are not family to each other no, they didnât marry the person.
When people get married you join each otherâs family so you become part of each otherâs family. You are right. He is wrong.
Im not even married and i consider my bfâs family my family. 9 years together.
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I very much so consider my in laws family. My husbands brothers, thier wives and children are all family also.
Family is people who you love unconditionally and who are apart of your life because you value them. There is no technical part of âfamilyâ. If he canât get along with your Mom then I would divorce him. It goes both ways.
I always treated my MIL with respect as she was my husbandâs mother. Made sure he called her on holidays & her birthday and at least once a month, sent cards & purchased gifts. Then about 10 years into our marriage she told me I was too bossy. Told her Iâd stop sending cards & gifts & reminding her son to call. Suddenly, I wasnât too bossy.
If you are arguing constantly and heâs already threatening divorce, pack your stuff and leave. Broken families are hard but broken parents are worse. Your children growing up with parents who argue constantly (or more) are better off without all that for so very many reasons! A man who doesnât respect his wife before any other woman on the planet, shouldnât have one!
You donât stop loving someone when you get married. They are always your family. If they cause problems then separating them may be necessary. Then you see them separately. Go to lunch or talk on the phone. I had two mothers in law and neither one liked me. I did my best to get along. He needs to respect you and tell his mom that too. Your mom seems to respect him.
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My in-laws & etc. are always family no matter what. Steve has felt the same about my family. 
My husbands family became part of my family, and mine part of his the day we married. However, our parents arenât family to each other, same as my siblings and his siblings are not family. They are all just part of us. Iâam blessed to have such a wonderful mother and father in law. However, the day he married you, you became his first priority. He should not be picking his mother over you. How you raise your children is not her business, and it his job to tell her to back off! To tell you if you canât get along with his meddling mother then you should get a divorce speaks volumes. Sounds like he is still tightly tied to her apron strings or there is something else going on. He needs to grow up and put you first.
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when you marry you become as one. they dont call parents in laws for nothing. if he doesnt consider them as family then i would reconcider the marriage.
It wonât get better. He is enmeshed with his mother. My ex sil was so much so my daughter left him, got a divorce. He threw her under the bus when she questioned who he thought he was married to and he stated he would choose his mother and sisters over her every time. He was shocked when she booted him from the home. They had two little girls. He threw them under the bus whe one of his nephews because aggressive with them
So, the issue is do you want to live a life with someone who has stated point blank that he prefers mommy to you and your kids? This is emotionally abusive behavior. My daughter is completing her degree and moved on with someone new and she is so happy. She told me that she was unhappy for virtually the entire marriage and she was 29 years old and she realized that she couldnât face a lifetime living with him or his family.
When my husband and I got married we were all together at different times especially vacation we would all go together and have a great time
My guess his dislike for your mother was before marriage and before kids. This didnât just come out of the blue. I understand you say your mother is respectful but their must be something with the relationship between them that you are aware of? Iâd try and have an adult âfamily meetingâ and be open and honest for the KIDS sakeâŚtry to have a game plan to mend relationships so everyone is âfamilyâ.
Treat them and love them as Family.
Unless they are abusive. Then nope.
Not my Family.