My husband and I have been married for 3 years, I work full time, and he stays home and watches our two-year-old son. All he wants to do is play video games, I have to ask for help with everything, and he still doesn’t do it. He stays up until 3 in the morning playing games, and when I ask him to do dinner dishes before bed, they’re still there in the morning, and he tells me he forgets. I asked him to get a part-time job on the weekends, and he told me he applied at multiple places, but none of them got back to him, and then I overheard him talking to his friends online, and he told them he hasn’t applied for any jobs and doesn’t want to. I feel like we’re living two different lives. I get up and go to work in the morning while he’s still sleeping, and when I get home he wants me to watch our son and give him a break while he plays games the rest of the night, then I cook dinner, and he doesn’t eat with us and doesn’t help clean up. We spend maybe a total of 10 minutes together a day. Then the time he does come to say hi, and I’m upset because he doesn’t spend time with us he gets mad and says I’m never happy and that’s why he spends so much time on his computer because he doesn’t know what kind of mood I’m going to be in. He continually spends more and more money on games, this month it was almost $300 and when I say anything he gets upset and says I’m acting like it’s my money when we’re married when I’m not upset he’s spending the money I earned I’m upset because we could have spent the money on something for all of us instead of something just he enjoys.
Well it sounds like he is not doing anything to help make the $$$$ so why should he be able to spend such a large amount on games? You are out working and he’s not even helping at home like he’s suppose to. Pretty obvious he just wants a free ride to be able to do nothing (but play games) cause it doesn’t sound like he’s trying very hard to get a job!! I mean, if he’s staying up all night playing games, how well is he really watching your child during the day?! Time for him to grow up and be a husband to his wife and a father to his child and help support his family!
Grow a pair and go to the bank. Change every fucking thing so he doesn’t have access to it. Do not give any kind of information to him. Give him like $20 a week until he either opens his eyes and gets a freakin job or he finally confesses that he doesn’t really love you and leaves.
He has an addiction and he is not even coming close to being a real husband or father . He is living in a fantasy world . You deserve better and so does your child
Don’t do the “chores” that are his responsibility. You are just reinforcing his bad behavior. If he’s supposed to do the dishes don’t do them, period! I know it’s hard to leave stuff undone but as long as you pick up his slack it will continue and the resentment will grow.
Marriage counseling, if he won’t go, go by yourself.
Sounds like a roommate instead of a husband. He would step up or step out. Marriage takes two. You both give and take and work together. A grown man should be focused on his family and taking care of them not video games…js…
Unfortunately I think it’s time you give him a reality check, take yourself and your son and leave him there with his mess and get out before this turns into a really bad situation, I’m praying for you and your son, hopefully the lazy one will eventually grow up but I seriously doubt it if he hasn’t by now
Maybe a person with a bit of experience? I’ve been married 50 1/2 years. So, let me begin. He does this because you allow it. Take the baby and leave. Let him know how it is to be on his own for a few days. No fixing any food for him. No doing dishes. No doing the laundry for him. No money he can access. He’s taking advantage of you. Time for him to grow up.
Stop being an enabler.
I’m not understanding how he spends money on video games when he doesn’t work? Where does he get that $$ from? Do you give it to him?? If so you’re also wrong!!! Stop giving him money!! If you know he spends it on video games and on crap like that, why keep giving him money?? Get out of that relationship girl!!! He’s not your husband, he’s another child you have to care for. Big No No!
That’s a full blown addiction. Dont let anyone sugar coat it for you. He needs help to break that hold over him and it’s not gonna be easy. I will pray God gives you wisdom to help him break that dependency
You married a child. He doesn’t see the error of his ways so he isn’t going to change. You, unfortunately, will always be the bad guy in this situation. Either get used to it or tell him it’s time for therapy or time to move on.
How is he taking care of your child if he is playing games all damned day long? I believe your child is most likely being neglected and probably yelled at for interrupting your husband’s games. You have a very important choice to make you know what that is. I hope for your sake and your son’s you choose the obvious choice. Enough is enough. You are better than how you are allowing yourself and you son to be treated.
Wash your hands of him I know u have a child together but it’s not gonna get any better till you make the situation change your doing it all by yourself anyway he’s just taking up space and running your bills up so he is basically a room mate that’s got a free ride
Run! He needs a reality check. You are making the money, he is spending it. You will be much better off independently with your son. Maybe if you leave it will wake him up but likely he will continue his ways and blame everything on you. You deserve better! Go get it.
I don’t know why you can’t come to this conclusion yourself… but here goes. He does this because you allow it. Turn off his bank card, take your child to daycare, kick him out. If you have a full time job, and still do everything at home. Sweetie you don’t need him. He helps you in no way. He is draining you in every aspect…leave the relationship and don’t look back
Honey,let me start by saying “people can’t treat you how u don’t let them” and before all y’all keyboard experts tell me I don’t know the whole story,DON’T. She summed it up in the first sentence. She works. He doesn’t. She should not have to ask him to do the dishes or anything else. I’ll bet the farm if the positions were reversed, he would expect you to have the house clean,laundry done and dinner on the table. You say you’ve been married three years. What did he do before your son came along??? Nope,nope,nope. He would be playing video games alright but on someone else’s nickel. Good luck changing him.
Don’t waste your breath, he will not change!!! From what I’ve read in your post, you’ve talked to him and he gets mad, if you give him an alternative he might get even more mad! You have to ask yourself, do I want to spend the rest of my life, living like this?? And you have to think of your child too! Take his name off of all bank accounts! Then take your boy and leave!!! Stay with a friend or do you have family near by? I know it won’t be easy, but, it will be better in the long run for both you and your son. Good luck and God bless!!
That money could go towards child care so he can get a FULL TIME JOB!
he needs to grow up! And he’s going to keep treating you how you allow him to treat you!
Play video games with him. Lol. Seriously though, play video games with him. My husband works swing shifts and I dont. He cooks and I do all the house work and take care of the kids when they get home from school. He plays video games too. He always has even when we were dating. He’s the one that got me into playing video games and pc games. My kids play them too. We are just a family of gamers. Lol. We’ve been married almost 11 years now.
I wonder what the advice would be if he was the one who worked… Then came home and sat in front of the computer or console until he went to bed. Would she still have a complaint?
Sounds like a bum that doesn’t care much for the families overall well being. Ask yourself if this is what you want for your life and your child. He needs to start pulling his weight or you need to take your son and leave. I’m very sorry to hear this situation, I hope it works out for the best and you can all find happiness
Don’t give him access to the bank account, your the bread winner and he’s not contributing. Give him an allowance a very small one, and tell him when he starts contributing to the household, He may get some finance so privileges back.
Don’t waste another minute on him ! I left my husband 7 months ago I worked full time ,he was retired and when he became retired he never discussed it with me I had just took my inheritance from losing my father and bought a home with it . He never did a thing to help around the house and complained if he had to . Lost my son in 2016 had to go back to work right away. Broke my shoulder again back to work right away. A marriage is a partnership and when someone can’t pull at least a little of the load move on!!! I’m so glad I did!!
If he is a stay at home parent it’s no different then if a women was the one at home. The issue is how he acts when you get home. If he doesn’t want to work then he should be the one cooking & cleaning.
I would just have a discussion on what you expect
I ended up leaving my man child. They don’t change. I am now with a wonderful man who is more than happy to share the responsibilities of raising a family and building a life together.
I was married in a similar situation and I left after a year best thing I ever did too. You’re married to a child who doesn’t want to grow up. Time to move on he isnt setting a good example for your child.
Seriously? You don’t have one child, you have two! I’d be afraid of leaving my child with him during the day. Poor baby is most likely being ignored and not taken care of properly. Damn, at least when I was a SAHM I did all the house hold chores, cooked meals and took care of our daughter until she was 18 months old. What else was I gonna do? I got a part time job on the weekends while my hubby was home and he’d spend time with the baby. If your husband can’t handle those things and he’s not working? I’d say leave him. He should want to do for his family. Not be forced.
Oooo hell no, if he stays home he should be doing most of the work around the house. You need to put your foot down asap and tell him either get a job and help out or clean the house and help out …let him choose
Stop enabling him! Give him an ultimatum & time limit, if that doesn’t motivate him then say goodbye.
You don’t have a husband… you have a grown child. It may be time to tell him to be a man or file those papers.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is to let the things/ person you love the most go so they can grow!!! Good luck!!!
I see this happening with one of my family members . But as long as there’s no consequences, they will continue !
Sounds like you got two kids, to me. Do you want to be married to a child?
I had the same issue literally the same until one day I decided it wasnt enough and I divorced him and took my daughter and moved back home
I find it hard to believe all of this is a surprise to you. He had to have shown these kinds of things before being married. So you need to ask yourself, is your relationship still worth all the work it will take for it to work?
put your foot down NOW. tell him what u expect of him. and what will happen if he doesn’t do it. in a calm way when you’re not upset. u can only be treated how u allow yourself to be.
The question is…what did he do before you married him? I would venture to guess he set on his ass and played video games all the time back then as well. He’s using you. So sad. Make him get a job or move out. You and your son deserve better.
I would tell you that your marriage is already over but, you don’t have a marriage. I know that sounds harsh but, it is the reality of your situation. Dump this bum before you end up with another child to add to your expenses. He is not going to change and he is saying loud and clear that he does not care about you. If he did, he would be working and trying to take care of you and your child. I’m sorry to say if you stay in this relationship, your future will be very dismal. Good Luck, you are worth more than what you are getting.
Oh man. This makes me feel bad for gaming. But we both work and I wait till 9 when everyone is in bed. I play to unwind tho. I’m not that bad… anymore…
Been in that exact same boat. Spoiler alert it ended in divorce. He never grew up.
Your better off divorcing this guy. Your basically a single mom anyways. At least if you divorce you can put that 300 towards child care and get child support off him
Tf ? Married or not married if he not even helping around the house he is entitled to zero! Put your foot down! You shouldnt have to deal with that.
Communicate now or it will only get worse! 16 years in and I can attest to these words!
He sounds very lazy& you should kick him to the curb. Why would you want to be with a man who refuses to work?
Smash the computer. I’ve taken a hammer to an Xbox. Or have your wifi turned off or have it exclude the computer. You can set a parental control for it.
Oh hell no. I left my daughter’s father because he was like this. No motivation what’s so ever. I couldn’t take it. And trust me, he won’t just stop playing. That shit is like crack
Hire a nanny/babysitter with the money he is spending on video games. That way he can go to work too.
Sounds like he wants to be a kid himself. If he can’t be a husband and father without you telling him too then unfortunately I think it’s over. You can’t be the only one trying in the relationship.
Run. Don’t walk. His deal is way too sweet. He won’t change or grow up. You deserve better!
Tell the child to grow up help support your family and act like an adult or leave.
He sounds like a giant man-child. He won’t change unless he wants to. Gaming is just as toxic as any other addiction. I’ve been in that situation. Good luck, girl!
Oh NO MAM. Sounds like hubby needs you to be his mama too. If I am the only one working he would have dinner ready when I get home or he just needs to go get a job if I’m having to work and take care of the house. You don’t need another child to take care of and he darn sure wouldn’t be spending “our” money on video games until he contributed to the household bills too. He needs to grow up and get a job. You are allowing it so he’s getting away with it.
Take the cords away since he wants to act like a child treat him like a child. He is addicted to gaming especially if he’s on it from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed and I sure wouldn’t be giving him no more money for his games since he don’t want to really help out. Don’t enable his behavior by giving him money for his games.
It sounds like you are literally describing my teenage son. There is no way in hell I would put up with that from a grown ass man! He is obviously not even watching your son properly if he is so addicted to games. Tell him to get his shit together or get out. You don’t need him for anything. It would be cheaper and less stressful to pay a babysitter.
Well it sounds like he is a lazy bum, and very childish, so treat him like a lazy teenage boy. If he won’t and doesn’t do anything around the house,cut him off!! Take him off all the accounts, and give him an allowance. If you don’t stand up and put a stop to this in mature behavior he’s never going to change.
He would either get a job or get out, Do not support his habit, don’t buy games.
One more thing to consider…how well is he caring for your baby, is he feeding and changing diapers as needing and is he giving the baby the attention a small child needs or is he neglecting the baby while he is so tunnel visioned on his games, this is the most important part of his gaming
kick his ass to the curb asap. why are you even putting up with this girl? it would be a cold day in hell before i ever put up with that.
Leave his ass! If he really cared about you he would be thankful for everything you do and he would want to help but he don’t!
You married a child. I got sick of being used for money and threw the 55in TV off the 2nd story balcony and smashed both consoles. Then yelled merry Christmas throwing the game discs in the snow like ninja discs yelling free games to the neighbor kids.
My money. I can do what I want.
I can tell you this. When my husband wasn’t working, I never had to worry about things being done around the house. Dinner was cooked, laundry done, etc.
He doesn’t work and didn’t do anything to help at home. So I would give him 20.00 when you get paid. You are allowing this so stop it
You married a child and you need to cut his finances until he gets off his ass and does something to help you or nothing will change! You give him no reason to!
…you had kids with a dude who plays video games all day and doesnt work? Did you think he’d change after a kid? Tf.
Take the video games away and give it to good will…
Why are you still there? You are not his mother. Leave!
where is and what is your child doing while your husband is on the games? Your husband is using the games as a diversion from his real life and responsibilities. You have a roommate and a freeloading one at that. You’re being used by this man child. Would you be better off without him. It’s time to ask yourself this. From the outside, from thi point, I’d say better off without him.
Wouldn’t pay for anything for him except what you would pay for a baby sitter because that’s all he is ! If he needs money for his video games he has to "earn " it by helps out around the house and being and husband! Otherwise your just his sugar momma and he gets every thing he wants for nothing
Also, for him to spend $300 on video games, he must be buying alot of games. 3 at max. Games brand new go anywhere from $40-$60. $300 is alot of money. He needs a game stop rewards card. Lol…seriously, though, he should talk to you about the games but what is your money is his money too but he needs to spend it wisely. After all bills are paid and groceries are bad, then what’s left over maybe he can buy a game…its all about priorities. Sorry but I have no problem with my husband buying games but we do talk about it beforehand
No offense… but you’re a push over. He does what he wants because you allow it. His responses are bullshit and seems as tho hes using you. You’re a meal ticket. No job and spending 300 of what you earned on games is ridiculous. not even in marriage is that ok. Nope. Put your foot down.
The only one who can make a change is you.
What you allow is what will continue.
You have to think of your children and self and ask yourself real honest questions. Because children learn what they live and if they see that a video game is more important then family, then what kind of example is being set for them. Maybe it’s time to make a change. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. But if he isnt willing to make a change or even man up and get a job, then is he worth your time and energy. If your gonna do it alone, then do it alone and find happiness within yourself and see what happens. You would have peace of mind knowing that your doing it without the help of another adult child to take care of.
Sounds like it’s time to have a separate acct, save and get out…
He stays home and you still have to cook dinner? Hell no. He needs to go. HIS job is to take care of the house, child. Is he even sending any quality time with the child?
Im married 2 a gamer of 13yrs yes he has been out of work for 3 yrs but i no he looking i fill out the apps 4 him lol i am disabled but he knows there is a time 4 family time and he does help around the house i am also a stay at home mom but if u gonna stay at home w the kids then u do the household work r u get a job its one r the other not both
I “co existed” like that with my 1st husband for years. He was a free babysitter while I worked 2 jobs and took care of the kids doctors appt and everything else. It’s a 2 way street if your gonna be single be single. Best decision I ever made
He wants to act like a teenager, treat him like one. Allowance, and I’d be taking and disconnecting that game and hiding keyboard/controllers/cords until he acts right. Sit down with him after his freak out about his game being gone and lay down the law. It’s not play time anymore. Counciling for both of you may get you two on the same page. But he is definitely addicted, so it won’t be easy and he is going to have to put in work. Hope things get better. Kids are only small for a short time, hope he doesnt miss out
It sounds like he is addicted to gaming. It’s time to have an honest discussion about whether or not he’s going to get help and how your relationship is going to move going forward.
I suggest counseling because he needs to change. If he doesn’t change … you can’t continue like this.
I’m praying for you! I certainly understand exactly what you’re going through because I have a husband that is a former gamer addict!! It’s very habit forming and needs to be addressed!! We sought out help through our church. If you do not go regularly you should both find a church that makes you feel like family. Get involved, volunteer, and take time together each day in God’s word!! It can be much better but it will take a commitment on both sides. Your marriage is worth saving for your child’s sake!! 
That isn’t a partner. It’s like having a teenage son to watch the younger kids. I had this for 16 years. He worked and then he would quit and would quit again. When he was home the only thing that he wanted to do was play his video games stay up all night which would affect him getting up for work. He wasn’t my father figure and was mediocre at being a babysitter even. Grown adults that behave as grown adults need grown adults as a partner.
It sounds like you have 2 kids living in your house
Following because I’m dealing with basically the same, just we aren’t married nor do we have a child, we do live together though and I do everything
You married a boy it seems. He wasn’t looking for a wife , he was looking for a mama.
Is he 15? Good grief
He’s addicted to gaming. People can say he’s lazy or whatever and normally I’d agree but he’s addicted. Good luck breaking that addiction.
When my bf 1st moved in, he wasn’t working… but I came home to cooked meals and clean house. 6 years later, we both do equal parts and we both work.
Hi ey you have more than one issue here!! You need to Address them all!!! Stop paying for his actions like change Bank card put locks on all of them…soon he will find he has no Funds! Then he will have nothing. Go while he’s asleep and Delete everything he has in that computer. Make sure even the Deleted files are gone…then see what happens …if he gets pissed fine let him steam it off!!! And go from there…
Playing video games excesivly is an addiction and must be dealt with as such. Your husband can’t control his playing of them without intervention. There are avenues to take to get him help if he knows he needs help. You can go to an Al-Anon group for support.
Absolutely ridiculous and until you put your foot down it’s not going to change!! I was married for 10 yrs and omg from the time he woke up til bed unless he was working then it was from after work til bed time. I’d give him an ultimatum or I’d open a new acct and stop putting money into that acct and move out
Take away the damn games! Act like a child be treated like a child. Take the cords out of the back and put them somewhere
Sounds better than what my wife said about me… truth told tho… if it was legitimate we wouldn’t be married 20 years.
He sounds more like a kid…right?
Seek counseling and cut off his money supply. Does he really watch your child or just play video games? He is addicted and this is sad for all of you. May I suggest a camera to watch him? This might prove to help you in the long run.
Also he won’t change unless he wants to…
Change everything in your home. Plan an outing for him with someone and get rid of it all.
Sounds like he’s depressed. Instead of going off. Get a sitter on your day off and spend some time explaining (not yelling) your side of things and how you don’t feel like you’re equal partners. How you feel undervalued and how you really want to find a solution to make you both happy because you care about his side of the story too
Take all cords to games with you during your shift leave note there are chores to do. And a baby to watch
Don’t be a fool to love.You know it isn’t right.Give him a choice.Work or get out.
What the heck is wrong with you? Kick him out and get a babysitter. You need a man not a boy.
CUT THE WI-FI
See how he likes not being able to connect with online friends. Is he disabled why no job?