Well it’s not allowed now but I would of smacked him one, remind him of the marriage vows about looking after each other in sickness and health, that includes having kids together. If he refuses to get a job then he needs to move on and let you have a chance with your children don’t give up you are doing just fine,
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best answer kick him out
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He did work and u stayed home and did everything … now he is layed off and he dont know how to do anything at home bcuz u did it all. Lol. U gonna just have to make sandwiches n stuff ahead of time for the kids . Lol. Sounds like typical man to me
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He really could be depressed and over whelmed. Try that before you kick him out
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If roles were reversed, every single one of you would say “oh she needs therapy. She’s depressed.” Maybe he’s depressed. The dude got laid off for crying out loud. Depression does alot to someone, and unless you actually have depression, like diagnosed depression not your fantasy depression, than you really don’t understand how it can affect you. What he needs is a supportive partner. Have you tried sitting down with him at night to talk about it, or do you just come home griping and complaining at him? Have you tried sitting down to help him with job applications, or do you just bicker about him not having a job? This is a moment to be supportive, not a b!tch when you clearly don’t know or make an effort to understand how HE might be feeling.
He’s got to go that’s considered neglect of children.
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Kim Cannon Williams 
There’s no excuse for him not taking care of the kids 
I’m sorry. I hope he finds a job soon. My EX husband sounds very similar to this
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Look into child care if you can.
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While it’s true that he’s probably depressed, letting his children go unfed is unacceptable. Now school is back in session, the 6 year old won’t be around to take care of the toddler. Tell him he’s got to get out and get a job so you can afford to put the toddler in daycare. The baby has to be fed during the day while you’re working. If he’s not going to feed the baby, you’re going to have to pay someone who will. If he doesn’t want to work with you, tell him that one way or the other the kids have to be taken care of. He’s already shown that he’s not going to do it. If that’s the case he either works to help pay for daycare while you work, or he gets out and goes to live with his relatives. What he’s been doing isn’t cutting it. I know that sounds mean, but I’ve dealt with depression and still had to raise two children. I still had to make sure they ate and lived in a reasonably clean house. I wasn’t perfect, but I did my best. I gave it everything I had. He’s not trying.
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It really isn’t rocket science to feed the kids and straighten up the house. Yes, he may be depressed but he’s also too lazy to help himself. Tell him to get counseling and put him on notice that the abuse of your children has to stop or he has to go. If you have to do everything yourself you may as well be alone.
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That’s boarder line neglect, lucky your 6yeqr old is on to it.
It may be a mental health thing.
Personally I would flip my shit, but don’t recommend that as it will probably make it worse. Try have a conversation and also throw in some stuff about nutrition and growing children.
Personally it wouldn’t be happening. Because if my kids are going hungry like that , and I come to a gnarly house day after day . He’d be gone . All the way gone .
If I’m doing it alone , than I’m going to be alone .
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Find the movie Mr. Mom w/ Michael keaton & watch
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Just tell him wake up and sort it out. Instead of posting on here. Useless fella
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You have every right to be upset. However, is this typical behavior? Or is he really depressed due to being laid off?
I’d just let him know that you’re there for him, but you need him to help with the family & household more, so ask if you can come up with a game plan together. Whether that be getting him help with a psychiatrist or therapist, or helping him figure out a routine with the kids & chores.
Like I said, you have every right to be upset, & his behavior isn’t acceptable, but you’ll get further if you don’t immediately attack him.
& For the people that are like “I’ve had depression, & I did (insert bragging point”, Good for you! Depression hits everyone differently, & if you deal with depression or anxiety, you KNOW that. Plus when you suffer with this disease, your life can be perceived as great, & you still can’t shake your depression some days.
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Sounds like a real keeper. Lay the rules down lady ASAP. My husband works full time and there’s noway I allow him to sit around and do nothing. We all pull our weight around here especially as the parents. I definitely wouldn’t put up with it sorry 
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Sorry no excuse what so ever not to make sure your kids are safe and fed… just plain laziness. The housework I could over look to an extent but the children no. Talk to him be firm fair while getting your point across, if he doesn’t improve help get a job ect boot him out, don’t need a manchild on top. Xx
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Not cleaning the house… whatever. Not feeding the kids? No ma’am. That’s the point I would tell him get it together or get out.
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Timeout chair? You have another child. He needs to be a grown up or adios. Who needs that kind of dead weight?
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Pre make meals. He probably depreasssed
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Lol nah I’d leave.
You shouldn’t have to tell your partner to feed the kids and if you’ve had a conversation about it and he’s still not then I’d be done.
The house work would annoy me. it’s not the end of the world but neglecting the kids would be enough for me to walk until he sorted himself out
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Get him screened for depression and get him therapy. He feels emasculated and like a failure and is unprepared to be a stay at home parent. He will have to climb out of the hole his brain & emotions have put him in. He’s basically given up on life. When he feels better about himself he will be more receptive to taking care of the kids and looking for work.
Once he is in therapy and on antidepressants (if he is diagnosed with it), sit down with him and write out a schedule you can both live with: meal times, bath time, a list of what the kids like to or should eat, activities for throughout the day including trips to the park/playground, age appropriate games from peek-a-boo to coloring together to nap time & cuddle time. Getting outside, getting exercise and doing fun stuff will help him feel better and enjoy his dad role more. Who needs weights when you can pick up your children? Doing the Hokey Pokey, Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, or other action songs counts as exercise. Have him introduce his favorite music (radio edit w/o nasty lyrics) to the kids while they dance to it. Have him sing songs to and with them from the ABC song to Lil Nas X. He should have fun so it’s not all drudgery. Set limits for kid TV but let him know the kid-friendly channels & shows available.
Do sample days on weekends together so you can show him how you’ve done it and he can get the hang of it. Don’t expect him to meet your standards, but ensure basic safety, and health. Don’t treat him like he’s stupid, tell him your tips and hacks so he feels like he’s getting privileged inside info, not being ordered around like he’s incompetent.
Set basic cleanliness standards so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed and show him how to get the kids involved, like loading silverware in the dishwasher, putting dishes in the sink, spraying and having them wipe down surfaces, pushing the vacuum with him, putting toys in a bin. Men aren’t socialized to be good dads; it’s a learning curve. Start with minimal expectations, compliment him on progress, add in more as he hits his stride.
Enjoy movie nights with Kramer vs. Kramer, Mr. Mom, The Pacifier, Mrs. Doubtfire so he can see himself as the hero instead of a failure. Find stay at home dad & dad’s groups in person and online so he doesn’t feel odd and alone being a SAHD. If there are no dad groups, maybe he could be part of a mom’s group for support. Build your “village” so he has other people he can call on for socializing, help & support. It can be isolating to be home with kids all day.
Encourage him to network with friends, go to workshops/seminars & join professional organizations in his field of work. Show him how he can present his work as a SAHD in a positive light for employment: managed schedules, supervised activities with a focus on safety, juggled multiple assignments, (multi-tasking) rolled with changing priorities, developed skills managing problems & dealing with difficult people, etc.
You get 15 minutes to yourself when you get home to get situated, then you take on the kids while he gets an hour to decompress without the kids. Then work on chores together, talk about your days—ask him advice for work challenges as he asks you advice on dealing with kids, work out problems & prepare for the next day together. You may want to have him feed the kids early and you 2 eat an adult dinner together later, or enjoy dinner together as a family with everyone pitching in—whatever works.
Find mealtime shortcuts together, like pre-cut vegetables, cooked rotisserie chicken, healthy frozen & canned foods, simple recipes so he’s not overwhelmed trying to feed kids who may or may not be cooperative. Plain yogurt with add-ins or breakfast food for dinner should be OK for hectic days. Encourage him to watch cooking shows once in a while to give him ideas for meals & make him feel like he’s learning new talents he can show off.
And don’t forget to schedule date nights, other fun times & sexy time into the mix.
Good luck! Hope this brings you closer together. If there’s too much strain and arguments, get family/couples counseling.
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How long has he been unemployed? Has he ever been in the caregiver role? He could be depressed. He just lost his job. Stay at home dad hasn’t exactly worked it’s way in to culturally acceptable until recently. He may not know what all this entails and if he doesn’t now is the time to educate him.
There ARE things he could be doing- I encourage you to look into Medicaid and SNAP because the income limits for people with kids are ridiculously generous and unless you make 6 figures alone, you should qualify. Also some states require beneficiaries of the program to prove they’re looking for work, so that takes some pressure off you- if him going back to work is the goal. For some people SAHD works.
I would have a sit down with him first to find out the root cause. More than likely he isn’t TRYING to be lazy but inadvertently is. We would all like to be shown this type of grace, so please try this before the be all end all.
If that doesn’t work and you get along with your in-laws well, maybe this is a conversation to have with your kids’ Nana/Mammaw/Gigi. Because a grandparent isn’t going to let their grandbaby run around not fed, dirty, or what have you. Maybe Nana can come over and supervise/drop in on dad/whatever you guys feel is the extent of appropriate. Or, you could bypass Dad and work something out with Nana, and if you go that route, Dad needs to find his way back to work.
Quit working. When things get bad, he will go get a job. If he doesn’t well, say “get out.”
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Yes he may very well be depressed, and people deal with it differently. But that is STILL neglect towards their children. Mum has to go to work worrying now “are my kids eating today? I hope they’re ok” I’m sorry but my children would come first and foremost. Yes he’s been laid off a job, mum came to the rescue and got herself a job to provide. Now some of you are expecting mum to meal prep as well? So her husband life is a little easier whilst he’s laid moping on the sofa 
I get depression is tough, and you don’t want to get out of the hole you’re in. BUT when you have tiny little feet running around, you FORCE yourself up for them, don’t ignore them and hope that they’ll fend for themselves. 
So it’s ok, for this man to be depressed and leg out on the sofa, but none of you are seeing the real ISSUE, children are being neglected and not being fed. A 6 year old is feeding her toddler sibling, doesn’t take 2 seconds for her to accidentally hurt herself in the kitchen whilst making snacks. I’m sorry, but I struggle to sympathise when children are involved 
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He might be depressed from being laid off and unable to provide financially for the family. I would sit down and have a calm conversation with him about it. Let him know how how you feel calmly. If he doesn’t improve, you may need to take drastic action like kicking him out of the house.
I have heard alot of men are like this when left to look after the children. Its not because they are depressed its because they are naturally selfish.
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Time to clean house and get rid of that trash. At this point he’s using you.
Fuming!! Plus my son would be raging if he didn’t get a proper meal like really aggressive!!
Get some professional help. His depression is affecting your whole family!
I’d say he has depression…depression can put you in funky moods…the children not being fed is a whole different story. I have depression, but I never let my kids go hungry. He needs to see a therapist or psychiatrist or something.
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He’d be out the door, simple as that.
Hes neglecting the children and they deserve better and so do you
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If the shoe was on the other foot and you weren’t feeding the kids and letting the house go to shit while he worked I bet it would’ve been nothing but problems.
My first thought is he may be suffering from depression- but, there is help for that and there is no excuse for neglecting the children. Some men have the mentality that housework and tending to children are for the women folk. If this is the issue he needs to graduate to 2022. Good luck.
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Throw the man away, I can deal with the fact of not doing house chores etc but NEGLECTING the children…that’s a line overstepped…he needs help if depressed if not…he needs to grow a big bag of cahoonies and get on with it
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l Get paid over $121 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $19631 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Go to This. https://DollarsBox699.pages.dev/
Depression or not he should be taking care of those kids I’d give him the boot if this issue can’t be resolved
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One day? Or everyday? There’s a difference. One day ok let it slide more than that he needs therapy and a dang here’s how this shit works list.
Not doing the chores is one thing but ignoring and not feeding the kids is a whole issue. I’m sure he found time to make himself food 
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Lol you tell him that the double standard is unreal. A mother stays home and she has to cook and clean and raise babies, she’s on call 24/7. But when a dad stays home he gets to literally neglect the kids and the house ? Nope. Get off your ass, be a parent, clean the house. If you don’t like it, find a job and go.
I’d be telling him step it up or get a job. And if neither of those things happened then just move on. Kids shouldn’t be left to fend for themselves and if you’re working and he isn’t then he needs to keep up the majority of the housework
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It’s not depression. It’s poor character, laziness and being a crappy human. If you have to do everything and pay for everything by yourself you may as well be by yourself. Shit like this drains the love you have for him leaving only rage. Sit him down and explain this won’t be tolerated. He can shape up or ship out.
I’d be so pissed tell him either he gets off his ass and does it or he goes back to work. Cleaning is one thing but not taking care of the kids is a whole mother thing. I don’t care if your hurting depressed they can’t fend for themselves yet
No excuse none . What a pos what a lazy pos… still excuses ridiculous! Shoe on other foot would be livid…
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I would tell him to either parent them correctly or they are going into daycare. Neglect is a real thing.
He might be having issues with depression.
Bottom line, I wouldn’t live like that.
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I wouldn’t tolerate this. You didn’t make babies on your own. Either he man up or get out.
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I would not be a happy camper He could at least fix the kids a decent meal.
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Tell him that he’s got a shape up and do what he’s got to do I keep the house clean and feed the children decent meals that’s his job for now
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I’d throw a pack of fruit snacks at him the next time he was hungry!!! That’s what I’d do!
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Can he cook? Some men never leared bow. Men are oblivious. Mine is like this. When our baby was just starting out on baby food i got home and asked what food did he try today. I got a long blank stare. Oh my God! I forgot to feed the baby! No wonder he had like 12 bottles. But i know my husband has health issues that effect his memory. So what works for us is i give him a list. I do actually have to send a couple throughout the day.
Wehave different days off work.
Kid is in school now. I have to send a list of morning readiness. Off to school. I have to send list for morning. Lunch time, send afternoon list including when to pick up from school.
You will have to try different things. In the meantime, put a basket of snacks wherethe kids can reach and probably something similar in the fridge. That might help dad and kids see what to eat easier
Have you considered having standards
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Sounds like depression,for both of you🥹You need to have a to the point talk with him …
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Have him sleep outside. Keep the car keys
My advise is first off, do not throw him away, he is your husband (for better or worse remember) and second, try starting with a list of things for him to do. I know he is a grown man but men are different than women and it might help in the beginning for him to know what needs to be done and after a while it will be easy for him to just know 
I’m sure he has never been a "stay at home " dad before.
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He could be depressed not working. Get him back to work!!
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Depression is bad and everyone has different fall outs and actions with it. Some people may be able to be depressed and function and some may not. Instead of being angry with him try talking to him about his depression and empathize with him. He may need to seek therapy for it to help him deal. When I was pregnant with my third child I was so depressed I cried everyday and could not physically lift myself off the couch for two months. When you took your vows it was through health and sickness. He needs you right now and you should be patient. I hope everything works out for y’all.
Get a job or get out
He would get a job or his ass would be on the street
Very simple
Sot down with him and let him have it . Tel him now that i m working i need you do to what i used to do and male sure you have the list ready. From grocery shopping to laundry to cleaning and kids. And simply say I should even have to have this conversation with you but here we are. And simply explain you are equal partners in this you held the boat a float while he worked now you need him to do the same . And say imagine while you worked i did house work the way you are doing it would have been happy with the results? Or would you have resented me that you woke up every day worked so hard to come home and things that should been done are not . If it was me i would add i m not asking you to change or telling you i m expecting it from a partner I married to be my equal to be on this life journey equally participating on what ever life trows at us. So i m not going to argue i m simply stating how i m feeling about this situation and i m not happy. And I shouldn’t nor do i want to have this conversation again.
Depression does not give someone an excuse to ignore their own kids and not carry their weight at home. Sounds like you have a deadbeat. There’s not much you can do. Fighting, wishing, praying, even bribery won’t change him. Been there, done that. Get used to the idea of being a single mom.
Nope absolutely not…completely unacceptable…he either goes back to work or he gets tf out…and be lucky I didn’t hurt him for not taking care of the kids
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Tell him that your marriage is a partnership and right now you feel like you are doing all the heavy lifting. He needs to get his ass in gear and hold up his end of the partnership. His layoff isn’t going to last forever, now is his opportunity to get things done he’s had to put off due to lack of time. Myself and many many other people took the year of covid to finish home projects. Also, see if you can get him a copy of the movie mr mom.
Nope. My husband started missing work and he literally does nothing else. I told him to get it together or move out and I meant it
Depression is what it sounds like. He may be feeling like he has failed by being laid off. An may not have a clue as to what to do at all. Depression can be debilitating. It can be so bad that you can’t get out of bed to function so for the negative Judy who says it’s not an excuse clearly doesn’t know how depression works. You need to have a heart to heart with him. If that doesn’t work get a nanny that’s old enough to be his mother to an extent an have her treat him like one of the kids and make him do things like clean up and feeding the kids going for walks with them an taking them to the park. Once she has forced him into a routine then she can be relieved from your home. Without you there he may not have any idea what to do exactly and then add depression on top of it and he is a useless bag of bones currently. Having someone come in an treat him like one of the kids an making him do the things he should be doing not only for his kids but for himself as well will help him to see that hey he is capable and it feels good to do the things he should be doing as the stay at home parent. It helps engage him an distract from his job loss by showing him he still is valued an has a job to do.
Not feeding my kids is a big thing for me. He’d have to get a job & we get a sitter or he’s have to leave the house and go somewhere that doesn’t require him to contribute to the home.
That’s child neglect, abuse and is probably weaponized incompetence. He doesn’t want to be home with the kids so he’ll just half ass it. Even if he’s depressed, no mom would ever be given any kind of pass for this neglect and no father should be, either!!! Maybe he needs to go stay at his mamas for awhile so he can get his shit together while you move on with your best life and invest in childcare. My state does assistance for low income and I qualified on one income when I was working. Maybe look into that after he’s gone. That’s not ok, and any lady who is sympathetic to him here, make sure you’d say the same if it was a mama at home because I doubt that would be the case. Men need to be held to the same standards of child care. Feeding them is pretty basic and bar on the floor. Wow.
Temp agencies are some of the best places to find work . I have had several that have turned permanent positions that I stayed at for several years.
Not cleaning is one thing but not cooking for your kids is neglect. Stick up for yourself. Setting boundaries and having expectations is okay and necessary. If the tables were turned he’d call you a bad mom. Also for everyone siting depression, tell him to get help. Allowing a six year old to parent is only creating generational trauma.
You need to confront him. Calmly say hunny we need to talk. Voice hiw you’re feeling. Tell him what you expect out of him as a stay at home dad. Communication is key
He’s probably experiencing depression. It sounds like you both should do couples counseling.
Be honest with him. He possibly could be depressed. Depression comes in all stages try to help him through this. Have him go to therapy and to take meds to help him through this. It will take time try to be patient. The kids are the priority here he absolutely needs to attend to their needs and make sure they eat and are safe while your working. A list of things for him to do may be very helpful. Good luck!!
Oh hell no! I’d give him an ultimatum: take care of the kids properly, get a job, or gtfo! He’s neglecting the kids by not feeding them.
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Unacceptable.
And what’s worse is I read so many of the same story. Different people.
Tell him to get a job or get out! Since he can’t even take care of his children. He needs to do one or the other. He needs to be doing something! And how disgusting he’s starving his own children! Is he not eating either?
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If he’s not going to do his job at home then he needs to get a job outside of the home. Simple as that.
You might have to teach him everything as he’s forgotten how to do anything, suddenly. Treat him like he’s flunking special ed class till he gets with the program.
Your six year old is taking better care of the toddler than your husband!! Again, your six year old is parenting your toddler while your husband neglects the children! Depressed or not, that is completely unacceptable!! If he’s depressed, he should be getting therapy, having someone else look after the kids so they don’t starve or hurt themselves, he should at least care when you bring it up to him. He doesn’t care he wasn’t feeding the kids!!! If you want to try and make it work, tell him he needs to put in the work- therapy, at least basic housework so you don’t do everything, and 100% feed the kids!! You can support him if he’s depressed without having to do everything. Don’t set yourself in fire to keep him warm.
Give him a set date to find work if yiu can get the kids in daycare get them in at least they would be fed
That would be a hell no I don’t think so
Talk to him n see what’s wrong with him. Maybe he is having troubles?
Communication is key.
My man did do that stuff. I told him if he’s not going to do his part in the relationship then to hit the road. It’s so hard doing it alone and at that have someone there that’s not doing a thing to take off the stress.
Tell him to leave you obviously got this.
At this point he’s an extra child. Tell him if he’s going to be a child rather than an adult, he can go move back in with his own mommy and daddy because you’re not raising someone else’s kid. If he doesn’t want to grow up and be a dad then you don’t need him in your house sitting around not doing anything! Tell him to go do nothing somewhere else and you’ll send the kids to someone responsible while you work. You’re the one working- you are not stuck with your mother in laws child.
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Tell him this is ridiculous he needs to be a parent. Just because he is not working doesn’t mean he is off parent duty too. Kids need actual meals not just snacks all day. That is not healthy. Tell him if hes going to be a stay at home dad he needs to be a stay-at-home dad if not he needs to get a job outside of the house or move out.
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You said so I went back to work which works for us- so was he at one point doing the house work and feeding the kids?
When did it stop working?
Curious if he accomplished anything on the weekends when he was working? If not, he may just be a slacker. In that case, he needs to acquire a decent work ethic asap. If he usually is a hard worker then tell him to look for a job immediately because staying at home is not working. If he is not taking care of the house he better at least be an active entertaining and involved parent and feed the children decent meals! It is the least any mom or dad should be if they are home with the kids!
Write out a daily Agenda of what needs to be done. Put everything on this agenda from waking up and making beds to walking the dog to emptying the dishwasher, etc. He will either appreciate all you’ve been doing and start helping OR he will beat feet to find another job ASAP! My guess is he will find another job.
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Congratulations, you’re raising a man child.
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Well until he becomes Mr. Mom…tell him you may have to discontinue working to make sure the kids are cared for so there are no possible visits from the Child Protection Agency, therefore averting the risk of having your children taken away due to lack of proper supervision meals, not snacks, cleanliness, of house and kids. Leave him a checklist of what needs doing. Fix meals the night before for the children that he can pop in the microwave to warm up or tell him a simple sandwich and soup he can make. He sounds depressed ad at a loss as to where to begin in a place he never thought he would be, and yet he is here he has to take control of this situation and look for a job. While down for naps he can look in the area for potential jobs and submit resumes online. Loads of ways to search for positions! Just an opinion here not the gospel truth.
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He may have depression. Men get hit hard when they lose their jobs and have a family to feed. Explain the need for nutrition for those children and tell him something needs to change. It’s fine he stays home but he needs to step up.
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He’d be living back with his mother because she still has work to do.
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Agreed, Jenni Dyke. He also may not naturally realize all that needs to be done. It can be a big surprise to realize you underestimated how hard it is to be a stay-at-home parent. Be the team player, tell him I know how hard it is & help him by sharing what helped you do it.
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Maybe he is in a rut from the change. Did you talk to him?
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No offence but All I hear when another parent is being lazy and doesn’t wanna hold their end up is (there depressed) I had severe depression and still took care of my kids and my house! Depression is not an excuse for being a lazy person when you have kids! When you have kids it’s not about you anymore! And the fact that’s the most common thing to be put out there when someone doesn’t want to help and do their part is why mental health isn’t taking seriously 
I know this is probably going to piss someone off but this is my opinion
For all the women on here trashing this man, Shame on you! You need some Jesus in your life!
He is probably severely depressed. Men have big egos and are very proud. I have gone through this before. Try talking with him. Be nice. Be empathetic to the fact that he’s been the provider and now he’s just a stay at home dad. It takes a toll on man. They aren’t cut out for it like women are. Suggest he talk to his Dr or a therapist and that you realize this is hard for him and maybe getting some help or someone to talk to can help him work through it. Explain to him that his kids need him and that they thrive on a schedule and routine and it will be easier for him if he sticks to a routine. It won’t be as stressful. I’m praying for you and him. This is not an easy time in life but work together not against eachother.
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I agree with him being depressed. He’s used to working to support his family. He lost that and now feels lost. He probably can’t even take care of himself in this situation.
Talk to him without shaming him. Try to put yourself in his shoes. Come up with a better solution that suits everyone in the family. I wish you all the best!
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Do meal prep to make it easier where he has no excuse to not feed them all he’d have to do is pull it out of fridge and serve or possibly heat up and serve. If this doesn’t work then you might have to hire a babysitter that will actually feed the children and get rid of him 
The not working part is hard all you can do is encourage him to look for a job but he’s not going to unless he really wants to. 
…good luck!!!
Ask him if he’s ok. Care for your partner. Don’t always assume they’re just lazy. Mental health is a serious issue in men and women.
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Is this unusual for him? In the past has he helped out around the house or has it always been on you?
If this is abnormal behavior he may have depression. If he’s never done any of this for the kids then you have another child and it’s time to either kick his butt into gear or part ways.