I just need some advice or just to vent. I take meds for mental health and some days are harder than others. My husband and I probably have sex anywhere from 2/5 times a week, depending. Some weeks less and others more. For the last month or two, my husband hasn’t been “getting off”. It’s annoying and frustrating. I found out why, it’s because he’s been jerking off to porn. No, I don’t mind that he does, but why so much? We don’t have like set days where we do have sex, usually just whenever. He works 3rds and so this morning when he got home which was about 6, he woke me up and said something about having sex. I told him not right now, but when my daughter goes to her aunts later on today, we can. So now, we had sex and he didn’t get off, I’m getting annoyed so I just told him to stop. And I asked if he had jerked off and he said yeah, around 10am today. I’m super shitty. Like this is now becoming an issue for me. I never cared that he did, but more than half of the time, he can’t get off for me. I’m sorry for the long post, I just needed to let it all out. I’ve discussed this numerous times and he agrees with me but yet, he still does it. In all reality, he doesn’t need to take care of it himself, considering we have a pretty good healthy sex life. The more I say to him, it’s just a constant repeat. I think I’m gonna just stop having sex with him, so he can continue to “take care of it” himself, so maybe he’ll finally understand.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't finish when we are intimate: Advice?
Porn can be addictive, especially when a persons needs aren’t being met in real life. He could be stressed out at work, I know 3rd shifts are super hard. He probably doesn’t know how to communicate his stress to you and is imploding. Therapy would help if he feels he has no one to talk to.
Some men have an addiction to porn some women too. They just can’t help but watch it
Your problem is the porn that he is watching. He has a problem, porn is addicting… He needs to seek professional help. Porn does not belong in a marriage, his eyes should be on his wife, he should be jerking off to his wife not some other woman, you guys should seek him some help or else it’s gonna get rough in your marriage.
Good luck💖
There’s a link between sex addiction and mental health problems (depression). It could be how he’s making himself happy. Have you talked to him about this? Have you been a safe place for him to confide in?
I don’t know why men think they have to watch porn. Especially if they have a willing loving woman. It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know how to advise you except to say that maybe counseling would help. Maybe a vacation and change of scenery?
That’s exactly what I did. So I’d recommend it. It worked for me.
Sounds like an addiction
This is common in porn addiction. He needs to stop but he won’t when he sees no problem with it.
Talk to him about how you feel!
If he don’t wanna change then maybe move on .!
Well this is when his porn use has crossed into a problem area because he can’t when he has an actual partner. He needs to stop the porn and focus on being able to get things handled with an actual person. I don’t know if your holding out will do anything because he’s already getting what he is doing from the porn. If he can’t refocus and get that from you , his partner he may need to see someone for it . This is the new problem with relationships and men and their obsession with free fast porn that does nothing for the real people in their lives. Good luck.
Sounds like he has addiction.
I think that’s a good idea , stop having sex with him for a week … tell him if he’s so keen on porn he can do it himself , he’s not considering your feelings at all an is being selfish . it’s leaving you unsatisfied that he’s making you feel that he’s unsatisfied by not getting off / finishing. If you discussed this an he continues then I mean you don’t really have a choice 
it’s only gonna get worse if he won’t nip it in the butt now
He should be able to pleasure himself daily and still have more than enough left in the tank to finish with you. I’m sorry sweetie, but it sounds like there’s some deeper issues in your relationship that should be addressed
He should be allowed to be intimate with himself whenever he desires, especially if you’re not in the mood at the moment, there’s nothing wrong with that. And sex should be a connection between the two of you, not always for the sole purpose of climax. This sounds like control issues and the projection of feelings to me.
If he’s getting you off, and you’re not trying to get pregnant, I’d let it go. You’re still having sex.
But also, there is a potential for ED. If he can get it up, but not get off having sex, or if he’s having trouble keeping it up. He may be masturbating, because that’s the only way he can finish. Is he on any new meds? Does he have depression or blood pressure issues? Because that can all cause sexual disfunction.
Get yourself some toys, and please yourself. See if he’s okay with it? Tough love? Especially because after conversations nothing changed. So now it’s time for actions. Or
Maybe watch porn sometimes together? You communicated how you feel, he should consider your feelings.
Do you cum every time? Be done when you’re done. Whether he cums or not is for him to deal with
Sounds like he has an addiction maybe duct tape his hands together for a while LOL
I would do exactly what you said in your post.
Stop having sex with him. I’d take it a step further and tell him you already took care of yourself. If you’ve discussed this with him over and over, and expressed that it’s an issue for you and he continues, then he isn’t taking how you feel into account.
It’s one thing to try to get some, get rejected and then go take care of yourself, but to just go and take care of yourself without even tying to be intimate with your spouse is a whole other issue.
You don’t have a healthy sex life if you say not right now you have to wait. You also can’t really be upset if he has to pleasure his self because you’re not in the mood
Just bc he jerks off to porn doesn’t mean he can’t get off with you. Maybe it’s mental. Can I ask why him not getting off with you matters? Like, that shouldn’t effect your pleasure? Sorry you’re feeling this way. 
Masterbation will ruin the sex life every time. People are WEAK and impatient… Why the saying is “patience is a virtue”… Good luck but it won’t stop until he does…
Get a new “husband” 
he sounds like a creep
Sounds like the porn is more satisfying to him than you are at this point. Time for a serious heart to heart 
Something deeper then the porn going on.
Ok, Are you guys only ever having sex on your terms? And never on his? Like does he ask and you always say “later”? I know you’re on meds and that can make it harder for you, trust me. But like if you’re only having sex when you’re in the mood, he might not be, just like you’re not in the mood when he wants it. Guys aren’t robots, and if they’re not in the mood, it can be hard for them to perform or get off as well. I would recommend a therapist who specializes in intimacy to help you guys get back on track.
The man is obviously having urges at the time that he’s asking you for sex and, instead of patiently waiting to have it with you, he is pleasuring himself and then still trying to please you when you’re ready. Just give it to him when he asks for it more times than not. 
I’m sorry I know this is frustrating to you, but porn may not be the definitive “why” to your problem. Plenty of men watch porn and still finish during sex. I’m not saying it isn’t the cause of the problem, but be open to other factors, not just because you don’t like porn and want it to be your reason.
Unless he is enjoying himself multiple times a day, he definitely should be able to climax with you. There may be something mentally going on or possibly hormonal that affects him.
I’d have a conversation with him and express how his lack of climax is affecting your self esteem, express that you are deeply hurt and that your sex life is loosing it’s enjoyment for you. Then start enjoying yourself while he’s gone. Sometimes men need a taste of their own medicine.
I know how ya feel. I moved on to better.
It’s an addiction…at this point it’s controlling him. I know it sounds silly but porn/sex addiction is an impulse more so than a habit you can break. Get into counseling together…there are sex therapists too
This doesn’t belong on Facebook
Men can go off several times a day if they want… there’s deeper issues here.
Something else or someone is on his mind.
Look in to this, my soon to be ex husband had it…… it was horrible left me feeling inadequate and unattractive when really it had nothing to do with me, it was his porn and jacking off addictions
I agree with you , stop and let him satisfy himself . He’ll learn to want to wait for the real thing after a while …. 
surely the real thing is better than a tug , so he’ll definitely want to go back to the old days 
Take care of yourself. You will find out it’s easier.
Porn can warp peoples minds and this can happen. Im so sorry.
Porn addiction physically alters the brain. This is only going to get worse if he continues to feed into his addiction.
Something more going on. Men can handle numerous times a day… my Husband can get off numerous times in one period of sex… There is way more to this situation than just him pleasuring himself earlier in the day.
I had the same issue come to find out he was a porn addict n cheating on me
Listen the porn is not his problem trust me there’s something else wrong because men can get off more than once and my partner and I watch tons of porn he can do it himself and do me 3/4 times and still get off and I’m heavy on porn but there’s definitely another reason
Do it mater if he dontget off is he at last hard? Do u getoff ?
Start doing you and see what he does
Get out the old oral trick and maybe buy a fun toy and proper lubricants. Least he isn’t doing other chicks tho. So that’s good.
If hes hard at last u can injoy til u get off
Do it mater if he dontget off is he at last hard? Do u getoff ?
There could be more going on. Even on the days where my fiance pleasures himself he can still finish with me later on in the day when we do our thing.
Why is everyone so against self pleasure? Are you still being “pleased” even though he doesn’t finish? Then why does it matter? If you are having a healthy sex life, then what are we complaining about?
Stopping sex with him isn’t going to help the situation. Talk to him. Be honest and real and let him know that you are hurt that he cannot seemingly enjoy sex with you because he’s watching too much porn.
There is nothing wrong with watching porn and nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself. But when it’s affecting your sex life and relationship with your partner than it clearly needs to be fixed.
Men can finish multiple times a day. Jerking off earlier in the day isn’t going to prevent him from finishing while having sex with you. There’s other reasons why he’s not finishing or can’t. Time for a talk with him.
Depending on his age… He should still be able to finish later. Hmm
Sounds like there is more going on. Talk to your husband.
I mean we can all easily take your side and assume it’s all a him problem… but are you laying there like a dead fish? Do you smell? Are you boring? It could be he enjoys sex just would prefer his hand if any of those things are true…
He could just have an addiction to porn. My husband doesn’t watch porn he rather have the real thing then his hand. I know if we have sex once and we try later on that day given that he got off earlier that day it can take him hours to get off again and as long as I got off he’s happy with that. But your husband sounds like he has deeper issues than just porn or maybe there’s a certain type of porn he likes and it’s what gets him going and he doesn’t know how to address that with you to try? But of course I wouldn’t want sex wither if my husband couldn’t wait till later when it was more convenient for both. ESP if you both are under the same roof and he’s doing it.
Too bad for him then.
I’d stop too. I’d he can’t get off doing it alone and with you he has to choose one or the other. And he should choose you. I’d be pissed too.
As a man, there’s something else going on. He is either cheating or has someone else on his mind.
Maybe watch it with him when you’re having sex.
I have health issues and have had multiple major surgeries. My grandmother always told me to take care of my man or they will find a alternative. I’ve never told my husband no. However, he can sense when it’s not a good idea. Sounds like you two need to make time for each other. Talk about what you both think you need to do to change things and make both of you happy. If he’s the guy you see yourself with when you’re old I suggest you both have a discussion. If he’s a good guy then it’s worth it
I think your marriage needs some kind of intervention to find out what’s really going on so this doesn’t turn into irreversible resentment — couples therapy?
I don’t think that’s his issue. His balls should be filled back up and ready to go after at least an hour or two lol. I think he might be lying to you. Maybe he has a porn addiction. Or maybe he needs to watch porn to get off. That’s common in a lot of people. Maybe include watching porn during sex? If your comfortable with that. Find ones you both like and watch them together and get off together that way. Could be fun?
So you need to have thay much control 
that’s d#mb
I mean, has he displayed any dismay or frustration? If not your making what could potentially be a major struggle of his all about you
Porn Addiction Maybe? Join Overcoming Sex Addiction … it’s a great group that is super helpful with things like this! Hugs
Making it too big a deal some people don’t even have sex in their relationship
Alos Sex shouldn’t be about the finish enjoy your time and don’t focus on what you think you may be lacking… you’re focusing on all the wrong things
He could have MCD (masturbation compulsive disorder)/or OCD masturbation. He should talk to a urologist. If everything is fine I’d definitely stop having sex with him for awhile and see if he gets the point.
People who masturbate to porn often can start preferring that to actual sex and become unable to preform when actually having sex. I’d highly recommend talking with a sex therapist and getting him to stop masturbating so much or it’s going to get worse until eventually he won’t be able to preform at all for actual sex.
Needs to get his prostate checked. My hubby had this problem it was prostate cancer
I’m guessing he didn’t suddenly start watching porn for the first time in y’all’s relationship. Talk to him. It seems like there might be some other stuff going on(someone else, health issues, age, fatigue, stress, finances, etc…)
I agree with you. Lock that boo up. Get yourself some toys or etc.
He can take care of it himself?
Tell him you can do the same.
don’t stop don’t use sex as a weapon. sometimes there’s no going back. be careful. u really need to have a serious sit down with him or get counseling but don’t hold out IMO…he needs to really see ur side of this, it’s too important of an issue for him not to at least try to understand how u feel.
I’d definitely tell him to stop, or just leave him and find someone who actually can get off for you. He probably has someone else on his mind or doesn’t find you attractive anymore.
If it’s starting to mess with your love life, say something
I went through this with my kids dad. He’s about 40 years old, gets off to porn. We didn’t have sex often but enough to sustain. He’d say how he’s been ready and waiting etc then can’t get off. It’d be very frustrating and I eventually quit having sex with him. But it took a toll since it’s not important to me anymore.
They can get excited, but there’s something more as to why they can’t get off. Have him contact his doctor or ask him to stop masturbating. Set boundary times if you must
I’m sorry your going through this, but I have the same issues. My bf swears up and down he rarely jerks off and never watches porn and I’m supposed to believe him. Yeah, right. Its always an excuse as to why they cant come when we are having sex, yet they have mo issues coming when they watch porn. It’s just getting so old. I’m at the point where it’s easier to not try anymore.
so you plan when you have sex??? That’s very exciting & intimate !!!
Honestly I would just talk to Him. There could be reasons he can’t get off after only getting off once that day.
If he wants to do it himself it shouldn’t be that big of a thing. At least he’s making sure you are good. He could not fuck you at all if he’s already doing it himself. Fuck my partner barely last 2 mins, Idk the last time I truly got off
It’s causing issues for you guys so I agree. Cut him off.
He may be watching more porn to see if he can come that way before assuming he got all the way off talk to him men will try anything at home before going to the doctor. He may be having issues completing all together
Porn is turning him on more. Then you are. I’m sorry dear. This isn’t right! That’s why he can’t get off with you. I see this as a problem! Get rid of the porn!
Your last sentence had me dyin LOL but that is gonna do more harm than good. Seems like you have some control issues… No offense. Also, seems like ya boy is stuck in a fantasy. Cuz thats what porn is… It seems more like this is a case of your ego… Where you’re here upset, some other lady might be happy that he’s not pumpin, dumpin, n slumpin… Not tryna be a jerk. Jus slayin. Probably the only person who isn’t gonna be like omg just leave him n focus on you lol
You shouldn’t stress abt his just get yours a roll over honey! He don’t care! At least until you figue out what’s really going on…make him wear condoms
Could he possibly have started using drugs or pills? I know certain pills make it very hard for men to actually cum or it take FOREVERR for him to. He could be using the porn thing as an out so that you dont think something bigger is goin on. Speaking from my personal experiences
Is he on any depression or anxiety meds? That can make it hard for him to finish
Sounds like there is something else going on. Idk how old yall are but that’s not normal. My husband is 40 and can finish multiple times a day with no issues.
Cutting him off will only make him more dependent on himself/porn. I had an ex who actually developed a porn addiction and could get off without it. Needless to say that didn’t work for me.
There could also be medical issues.
Or maybe he’s just really looking for a release and when you tell him no for whatever reason (and that’s fine) he takes care of it himself and then the mood is gone when you are ready.
Communication is key. Don’t accuse nor argue, communicate.
Shouldn’t he be able to do it more then one time in a day ?
He’s addicted to porn . I’ve been through this shit and it SUCKS and it’s FRUSTRATING. Get on that or leave him.
Once It started to affect our sex life it got so much worse. I feel for you.
If he has a past history of drug use that could affect his ability to finish.
Porn is an intimacy killer. They watch it so much that it wires their brains (or their little soldier’s brains) into wanting a pornographic scenario in order to achieve orgasm. Kill the porn to regain your fulfilling intimacy.
That is why I can’t stand my man jerking off. It takes away from what I really like and what turns me on the most. Hiw do I get him to stop and care about my feelings too?
There’s something else going on… guys can take of things themselves repeatedly and be fine intimately. From my experience… saying “not right now” is still a blow to a man’s ego. We think it’s easy for them, but it still makes them feel vulnerable to a long time partner to have to “ask” and then they feel rejected when we say say “no, or not right now”.
Leave him. Find someone else your compatible with and he can pleasure himself with his porn…you repeatedly telling him and him not trying to change it shows he doesn’t care.
It bothers you that despite having sex and likely enjoying it, he can’t cum bc he came earlier that day?
Is he only allowed to be horny on your schedule? Is he not allowed to masturbate? It’s not like he’s not having sex with you. Clearly hes having sex with you quite frequently. Do you cum every time you have sex with him? Likely not.
So because you never get that baby juice, you wanna be petty and withhold sex? Lol. He’ll just keep masturbating.
At least he’s being honest with you. You told him no sex so he took care of it himself.
Oof imagine telling your significant other that they aren’t allowed to please themselves. You need some couple’s therapy ASAP. That’s not normal.
Its his body who are you to tell him what to do…or does my body my choice only apply to women