I have a super awesome boyfriend! I can’t complain about anything at all. He treats me well, my kids well, my family well, and my animals well. He provides and protects. I seriously could not ask for more. He is 47 and I am 41. We get along great and have lots of fun together. He doesn’t have any kids and at this point does not want to have any, so we don’t have any other kids than mine or any baby mamas in the picture either. Everything is pretty hunky-dory. The only thing that bothers me a bit at times is that most of the time, when we have sex, he does not have an orgasm. He finally just gives up. He doesn’t ever say anything about this or even seems disappointed about it. For example - last night, he gave up and went out to play video games like it was nothing. (And no, he doesn’t do that usually. Typically he just cuddles with me, and we go to sleep, but last night he wasn’t tired.) I feel like something must be wrong with me for him not to “get off”. I never had this issue with any partner before. And I can give him blowjobs or handjobs, and he can get off fine. Occasionally he even has problems staying hard when actually having sex, and again - he doesn’t act like he is concerned about it or has a problem with it. Consequently, I don’t say anything because I don’t want to give him a complex about it or make him feel bad about it. I just feel like maybe I am doing something wrong or ???
Can be low testosterone, he could get that checked out
Sounds like a medical issue, nothing to do with you. Hopefully he will go get it checked out.
Given his age, I’d suggest he see a doctor about low testosterone or other problems like ED.
Does he drink? My ex was the same and it was alcohol related
Is he diabetic? Because high sugar can cause this and also it affects if he gets hard.
Have this blood pressure, thyroid, and testosterone checked.
Have him get his bloods done. Most likely low testosterone.
Pain medication and sometimes prescription drugs can cause that.
This is something you NEED to say something about and discuss with him. It’s clearly bothering you and every healthy relationship has open communication about things that bother either partner.
- you are not responsible for his orgasm
- why cry over milk that hasnt been spilled yet
- if you guys are communicating clearly and in a healthy way, dont get lost in your own head
It says husband and boyfriend? Depending on how long you’ve been together, he could already be on something and you don’t know? Medication can cause the same problems as not being on medication. It’s best to just ask if he has a regular doctor and if not just suggest seeing one in general without making him feel some type of way.
It’s not you. Its actually a pretty common problem I always feel bad when I encounter this, but it’s not us.
Like if he’s circumcised that could be part of it.
Anti depressants? Porn addiction? Excessive masturbation issue? There’s a lot it could be…
Honestly I know exactly where you are coming from. My husband has the same issue. And it hasn’t always been that way. (Been together 16 years) It’s something that’s happened over the last 3 years. But we’ve talked extensively about it because it bothered me… extremely. For 1 my husband’s testosterone was low. Fixed that and things got better for the most part. . . Then he started taking low dose antidepressants. (He needs them and they help him) But it’s a side effect. I promise he’s frustrated as well and no matter how it feels to you… it doesn’t have anything to do with you.
I’m on this journey with you girl.
He doesn’t want risk having kids together playing on his mind
His body reacts to the blowjob/hadjob ,I think he enjoys that more than the physical did ,try give him blow job before sex, and nothing is wrong with you it’s on him,
Having a healthy sexual relationship with another person involves communication. For sure talk about it, he might have low testosterone levels which might be why he can sometimes get off and other times might not. Bring it up in a concerned nice manner so you don’t make him feel bad.
Definitely have him checked. My husband had this issue, and it turned out to be his heart.
My neighbor has the same issue. Mostly ED is to blame. He can get off with head but can’t stay hard for actual sex. Its not you babe.
Yes it can be medical!!! Please have him go to urologist or primary to get his psa level tested! I only know this from experience my husband was the almost the same way. It was causing a lot of issues in our relationship! He was diagnosed 12/19 with stage 4 prostate cancer
I dated a guy like this. He just had some sexual issues. Him and I talked about it and I knew it wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to me. He just couldn’t cum during sex, and it was like that with anyone he had ever been with. He was surprised that I was able to get him to cum with a BJ because nobody before me had been able to get him to cum but himself. If it doesn’t bother him, I wouldn’t let it bother you.
Low testosterone. ED. Easy fixes with some blood work and meds
Just have sex for awhile and finish him off with a blowie
You have to sit down with him,let he know about everything you said here,sometimes is hard the men’s take care of them,especially if is about his sexuality,many factors just the urologist can tell him,you can go with him find the right way to handle with this problem for you,Good luck
In my experience, medication, porn addiction, not feeling close, something bothering him, depression, age?
Is he possibly overly stressed at work or other family issues, when mine is overworked at his job we sometimes have the same issues with him, I was thinking it was his age too hes in his 40s also.
He could have issues with his prostate
This is a normal thing for men his age.
If he is happy and you are happy with him have your fun and do what you need to and finish him off. Sex is only the topping in a relationship.
Honestly it could be so many things but it definitely doesn’t have anything to do with you he could be stressed depressed or porn addiction Ed low testosterone he could be master bating to much or he’s getting pleased elsewhere so I’d definitely wouldn’t burden yourself into thinking it’s you I would be getting things checked into and find out what’s going on
Could be hes age, he dosent want children so that could also play a part as like u said blowjobs an Hndjobs hes happy with
Low testosterone sounds like the problem
Dear God people, its anxiety. He doesn’t want to get her pregnant, she already said that. It is called performance anxiety. His fear of getting her pregnant prevents him from finishing. There is nothing wrong with him. All guys get it from time to time. Just enjoy your life and stop worrying. If your the worri about, get your tubes tied or get on birth control. He will be fine
So what if you have the complete opposite problem. My husband gets off in seconds and then can’t keep hard…
If your relationship is great every where else just talk to him about it. You don’t have to give him a complex but just ask if he’s ok and you’re reasoning behind it…
Are you still fertile? Because accidentally getting you pregnant could be on his mind constantly and ruining it for him if you are. I’m 40 and my last was 39 and he had the exact same problem and it pissed me off to the point that I ended it.
High blood pressure meds or prozac will do that also.
Sounds like e.d. talk to him about it. But be nice about it. Most men are very sensitive about it.
U should talk to him about it and maybe see a doctor because it could be a medical or mental issues as long as u approach the conversation in an understanding and non judgmental way
Maybe he’s something
Try an open conversation where you’re also open to him saying he doesn’t want to talk about at this time… that you’re coming from the view point of “something is wrong with you” and you just want to ensure both parties are happy and HEALTHY. Now if it comes down to other things, maybe finish another way? Or on another spot?
To be honest every man is different. Maybe actual sex isn’t what does it for him. Maybe foreplay is all he wants/needs. I probably wouldn’t approach it by asking why he doesn’t finish when you have sex, maybe just be playful and fun and see if there’s kinks or fantasies he’d be into to spice things up!
Try Sea Moss gel for him.
Honestly it really isn’t you. You should talk to him about it, and try to get each other checked out just to disregard anything else. That’s one option. The 2nd is that he might be doing it himself before he’s with you. And the 3rd which I I really hope is not it,… Like If nothing is wrong, and this keeps happening, …then all I can think of is that he might have someone else and that’s why he can’t “keep up”. I mean you just never know. But you should really bring it up to him and let him know how you feel about it.
Could be pain meds
Could be drugs
Could be alcohol
Could be scared of knocking you up
Could be he’s almost 50 and usually when they start having issues down there
My husband is 47 and sometimes after awhile of going at it isn’t as hard as he was in the beginning
You need to have a chat with him to get the answers you’re looking for! Medications could be the cause! Just talk to him about it…don’t give yourself a complex trying to avoid giving him a complex lol y’all both know what’s going on so just talk about it! Tell him it’s making you feel insecure or like you’re doing something wrong! It’s most likely not you at all it’s something going on with him. I’m not trying to be mean at all but if y’all can’t talk about this then yalls relationship is going to suffer along with your confidence amping other things!
I dated a guy like this. Nor onxw did he finish. The n the awxt day u sent me a picl of him on pink see through women’s underwear
He probably has a mental block…he has no desire for children of his own…ever…
It could just be his age
If he mastetbates he could have De sensitized his penis making it hard to cum from sex
My bf is the same way. We’ve been together 5 years he’s 45. He stays hard the whole time it just takes him for ever!! To cum. He cums fairly quick from blow jobs. So occasionally I want him to cum inside, so we stop intercourse, do blow job til he’s about to cum then go back to intercourse. He literally could go all night long. I cum fairly quick so then I’m like ok I’m done lol
This sounds exactly like my ex husband. But he never got ot checked or anything i begged him to cause i always felt bad. Ut he he does it himself he does but not with me so then i begain thinking that i was attractive enough or he did love me or i wasnt who he wanted to have sex with
Mt ex is 46 but its been like this since i have kniw him we were together 15 years
If his prostate is getting enlarged it can cause things like that. (Normal as men grow older, but the age at which it starts varies greatly. Have men talk to a doctor about the problem. Would he let you go with him, because you would see things he might not.
Could be age or medication related, especially any mood meds or high blood pressure. Or if he has depression it could be the problem. Or prostate. And he probably doesn’t want to feel worse about it so just acts like it’s ok
He likely has some medical issues going on and doesn’t care to address them if you do fine with it. I doubt it’s you if he has problems sometimes staying erect. That sounds like something that can start to happen for men at that age. I would gently bring it up and say that I’m totally ok and don’t have complaints, but worried about his overall satisfaction. Some men just don’t feel comfortable talking about it. But maybe if it’s gently brought up, he’ll feel comfortable to have the conversation.
His age could have something to do with it , Is he on any type of medication ? There are meant factors
Vitamin d deficiencies can cause low testosterone.
also, botched circumcision can cause reduced sensitivity.
Is his testosterone level low? It’s a simple blood test. If he won’t speak to his doctor, maybe you could make a call, if he is willing to allow you to do so.
Well he’s an older man. This is normal thing that can happen. If he wants to he can see a doctor for it. But maybe it’s Bc he doesn’t want an unintended pregnancy to happen and so he purposefully may not be completing his end of things.
If men spend too much time “on themselves…” it’s hard to get off in a woman. Which is why a HJ or BJ works for him but intercourse doesn’t. He’s used to a tighter grip. I had this problem in a previous relationship and we worked through it, he just has to lay off himself for a while lol
It is probably not you, he is ashamed or embarrassed so he just acts like it is nothing, I would not blame myself, sometimes things happen we can’t explain. Do not take it personal.
It is him, not you - if he acts like it is normal and not embarrassed about it, it probably is perfectly normal for him - some men are like this even when they are young and healthy. Sensitivity levels vary greatly, and just like some women don’t orgasm without very direct and sustained effort and stimulation - JUST AS MANY ,men don’t. It is just as common in men as it is in women. It can be age, medication, all sorts of things, but it can also be sensitivity level and a huge number of other issues.
Just talk to him about it. My boyfriend is 8 years older than me and has ED. it’s much more comfortable for you and him to just lay it out there. Don’t put the blame on you OR him. Just have a conversation about it
I was gonna say maybe he knows you’re cheating because it said ‘my husband’ then ‘my boyfriend’ tad confused but maybe it’s just an age thing. If he isn’t bothered you shouldn’t be either.
Its pry not u but why not have sex get ur orgasm then give him a blowjob after so he can get his too. And if hes not worried u shouldn’t be.
Maybe he is afraid of getting u pregnant
Let him know he can come to you no matter how personal the subject is. You’re there to protect him and help him. Good luck
Is he on any medications? This happened to my ex when he was on blood pressure medication.
Does he initiate usually, you or mutual? I ask bc my husband has to take testosterone but sometimes he gives his body a break from it and when he does there is little to no sex drive. Low T was the first thing I thought of when reading your post. He might just be trying to accommodate your needs too and just not into it due to low T. Talk about it now while you’re still dating to keep your communication strong. Good luck babe. You got this.
I can take a bet and say he’s already getting himself off and just doesn’t have anything left once he’s with you. Hence why he isn’t bothered…cause he already knows. Lol.
Have him see a doctor. My former S/O has the same problem. But he wouldn’t get help for it. I still don’t think he ever did. Maybe you can talk some sense into him. Good luck.
Aside from everything else everyone has commented, does he watch a lot of porn? I heard that can also affect it.
Same issue and it bothers me tooooooo. We are 14 yr difference and I talk to him about it. He says it’s not me he always gets me off but I’d like for him to cum too
As he’s in his late 40’s, I’d encourage him to see a urologist. There’s a very common issue in men at this age that causes the sensation of release w/o ejaculation. He’s most likely very bothered by it and blows it off by gaming, etc to seem like it’s not a big deal. If it’s not urological, it could very well be psychological: age, diet, work, finances, the problems in the bdrm all could be working against each other creating the beginning of a mid-life crisis.
I would ask him about it maybe something else is wrong …work? Sick Parent? I’d you have a life together then you need to ask.
He probably needs some good old viagra. I hate how we as women take the blame onto ourselves for a man’s inadequacies. He could probably seek a doctor’s help and resolve the issue. He’s probably embarrassed himself and trying to ignore it and you’re left carrying the guilt. I highly doubt it’s you hunny. Have an honest talk about how it makes you feel and that you think talking to a doctor would help both of you out.
Lots of people don’t off during intercourse there are other things that you can do with other parts of the body that will generate a different feeling and may get him. It doesn’t matter how it’s done. Just a thought.
Feels like a comfortability thing. If he’s still trying, that means he hasn’t given up. Keep trying. Maybe he’s subconsciously comparing himself to a previous partner.
Just talk about it. My husband and I have nerve damage from back injuries and it causes issues with us both.
I’m 30 and bf is 42. Bjs he can go in seconds or can take him an hour. Actual intercourse seems like 95% he cant get off and has to end as a bj. Alot of the time he will lose it and say hes thinking too much and give him a second and other times he is ready for round 2 or even 3 before I even know he went! I dont get it
Maybe some ED issues and he doesn’t want to admit it.
My husband had problems with that and it was one of his meds causing it. Maybe that could be why?
Maybe try new techniques dress up make it exciting use toys make it fun! My partner is almost 10yrs older and this makes our nightly “sexy time” even better!
Maybe take turns letting eachother finish first. The sensation changes for him once you are finished.If that doesnt work then talk about it.
Is he on medication? That can sometimes cause this.
He probably desensitized to vaginal sex. If hand jobs and blow jobs do it for him than possibly this is what it takes. I dont have orgasm unless its through oral sex.
I would be up to speaking with whomever this is privately posting.
Could be a number of things… just being realistic: could be ED, could be interested in another woman, could be having a relationship with someone else, could be other health issues.
Does he take blood pressure meds? This can cause him to not stay hard or have trouble getting hard .
Some medications cause this. One of them is Paxil or paroxetine.
It’s not medical if he has no issues other ways. Maybe you are not as tight as his hand
could he be abusing drugs? I have an ex who had that issue and i came to find out he was shooting meth on the side .
Nothing is wrong if everything is “hunky-dory”
So… your boyfriend and husband won’t orgasm? very oddly worded post. Seriously though, get him a check up to rule out testosterone issues firstly.
Ok… so he finishes fine with hand jobs and blow jobs just not intercourse… interesting. Maybe he has a preference?
Just talk with him about it see why he’s not getting off…
If you want to make it work you need to talk about it
I was gonna say because he’s not sexually attracted to you. But your picture on here you are pretty.
My friends that had similar issues was because their men were addicted to porn