Oh honey! I feel this in my bones. You described my 15 yr marriage. I left 8 yrs ago. I’m not saying you should leave your marriage, but I understand feeling suffocated and unsupported. It’s soul crushing. If you have the means to hire a nanny or a mothers helper to give you some reprieve? That could be a solution. I’m sorry your husband isn’t more understanding…
When my kids were young I hired my sister to come help me. Also churches are a good way to reach out for help too. See if they have young girls 12-17 that want to help? I’m not a church goer but I’ve found that churches do want to help their community.
Sending you lots of warm hugs and peace! If you need friends…I would love to be your friend. You can pm me 
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I don’t think men like to help us out at all , it’s in their genes to be selfish
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Make some friends and say goodbye to the useless man you are with. It sounds harsh but you’re not happy. Give yourself a chance at happiness. You are doing it all on your own now so what do you news him for!? You will start to feel better about yourself when you dont have someone constantly putting you down!
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You may as well be on your own
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You called them “my kids” thru this entire post. And you’re what… surprised or disappointed that he’s not more involved?
You need to make an effort to find and make new friendships. Go out, join groups. If you want it you will make it happen.
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No no no!! Your husband needs a wake-up call… You have to keep the kids away because he’s tired? F that!!! I have 5 kids, also work from home, the youngest isn’t in school yet (going next year). My husband and I have been together 19 years, married 14 years … And believe me, he helps wherever he can. He helps put the kids to bed, sometimes he’ll fall asleep before them because of his anxiety. Those times he’ll take his meds a little earlier when it’s bad. He’ll make time to spend with me. He’ll help with the cooking if I haven’t got around to it, or sometimes just take over. I have a little house shop, today he helped out and watched the kids while I took a nap. When our kids were younger he helped even more, waking up with them. Also when I leave him with the kids to go visit a friend, he doesn’t time me, and definitely not be mad. You can’t do this on your own. You need a partner. He is not that.
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Im a single mom with a job. So I do everything that both of you are doing. It gets tiring, for sure, but I wouldnt trade it for the world. If you need him to help out more, talk to him. If he doesnt listen or help, then gradually stop doing some things. For example, the dishes can wait until tomorrow. Do what you can without over doing it. Love those babies and yourself first
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What exactly is he bringing to the table? Because at this point it sounds pretty much like you’re doing it all on your own anyway but still entertaining him at your table just because you can.
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Let him read this and tell him you’re going for a walk while he does. Alone. He can call you when he smartens up.
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Your kids are old enough to leave you alone in the shower and go to sleep without you lying down with them. Supernanny has a great technique for making this transition. They might hate it at first, but they’ll get it.
What you’re describing is common. After you had kids, your focus shifted from your husband to the kids… completely. Neither extreme is healthy. I’m guessing your husband feels resentful and trapped. This isn’t your fault; most men don’t understand the demands of child rearing.
Start with couple’s therapy. I also recommend a part-time preschool program for your 3 year old. It will be stimulating for them and give you a break.
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I’m here if u need chat pm me I be ur friend girl
Welcome to this thing we call Life/Motherhood. I dare say 99% of the women on this site feel this in some form or fashion. Communicate with your partner and tell him how you feel then continue doing what your doing cause from what it sounds like your a great Mom. 
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I don’t know how many times I’ve felt this way. You can add me if u like 
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Record your day from the time you get up to the time you go to bed have him watch it. Or on his day off make him do your routine. It also sounds like you don’t have a relationship you have 3 children you take care of. You also said grandma is a couple houses down talk to her about taking the kids overnight a coupke times a month. Also time to stop laying in bed with your kids to put them to sleep and your kids are old enough to do chores. They can start learning to sort and fold laundry, if they can reach the sink they can help with dishes, they can pick up toys. The younger you teach kids to do chores the better they help as they grow.
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Girllll. No. You work 25/8 he can fuckin get up and tend to his kids and feed them or read them a bed time story or give them a bath or make their dinner. You deserve more time to yourself. And he’s a selfish ass person.
I do alllll that shit by myself cause I’m a single mom. You have a partner. He should be helping you. Otherwise what’s the point?
Don’t make excuses find a part time job go to college find pride in yourself and friends will follow. Become independent
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He doesn’t sound like a partner at all let alone a DAD … wow what a dirt bag
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I’ve been a domestic violence advocate for some years now and abuse doesn’t have to just be physical. He’s definitely has you isolated. You should be able to visit your mom or go to a store without time restrictions from him. This sounds like the beginning of abuse. I could be wrong. Also you not only work and contribute to bills even if your job is at home. You should definitely write down all the things you do because you’re actually handling more than 1 job. You’re a cook, maid, nanny and care provider along with working a full time job and basically no help from your husband this is definitely not fair. Maybe start a journal with your husband and write down all your feelings and ask him to read it and to write down what his feelings are. Maybe then you both can discuss on how to work together as a team so you’re not doing everything all alone
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I felt this exact same way. I got a job. I made sacrifices to make myself feel better. It took my husband and kids months to get into a routine. They still have a hard time with doing things on their own. It will be a year in 2 months that I’ve been working and we’re just now getting to a normal routine. It’s hard but I finally feel like an adult again. It was worth all the sacrifices and hard days to get where I am now. They will be fine. They’ll adjust. Sometimes you have to do things for YOU.
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Are we married to the same man? 
But for real, I’m sorry girl. My husband is the same way
We have 8 kids between us. I do the bath time, cleaning, schoolwork, taking care of the animals, dishes, laundry, etc. He works and cooks, and fixes things when they break, and that’s about it. I appreciate how hard he works, but I work as well. I’ve brought things up to him over and over, but it’s no use. He too, has a fit if I’m gone for so long. I see my mom like once a week if that, and she lives right down the road.
I gave him an ultimatum the other day, shit changes, or I change it for him and take my kids and bounce. You deserve someone who wants to help and support you. I’ve made the moves to start getting my kids and myself out of here and somewhere better. Maybe that could be a possibility for you.
Been doing this exact same thing for 35 years, raising kids and now my grandchildren. It’s a hard job and that’s what it is, a job. If he doesn’t help he’s missing out. They will be grown and gone before you know it. Then it’s your turn
I used to go through that for ten years … couldn’t have a job … couldn’t have friends… Nothing… Got away from that toxicity three years ago and am finally happy… I couldn’t even visit his own family or out gas in my own car. It was horrible…
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Lol…take a weekend a trip to a hotel or spend the weekend at your moms. When he calls you tell him to deal with it, he’s just at home all day. If cops more attitude tell him welcome to my life. That man is NOT a partner. He is another child that you care for. You are a grown ass woman. If you want to go out you get to go out. If he gives you attitude when you get home, tell him you’re not in the mood to here it, all he did was stay home all day. Close the bedroom door and be prepared to sleep alone. You contribute to the boundaries in your relationship. Start setting some. I would tell them this is what I I need. Here is what I’m going to do, then follow through. You are only obligated to care for your children. Its 2022. Both parents work, both parents take care of the home. He wont change overnight. But stand your ground
Sounds exactly like my ex.
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I think moat mothers feel this way at some point. I felt this way when my kids were younger. However, my husband has never acted like what I did was less important than what he does. He’s always been supportive. You need to tell your SO to help out and stop being rude.
Welcome to motherhood and playing wife. Men don’t see all that women do to keep things going on the day to day. And you have allowed that to happen. Per your own admission.
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He sound like another child. Tell him straight up you need help and you are tired also. That you don’t care if he thinks you are home all day so why are you tired. Let him do it and see how he does or he can shut his mouth. And you need him to step up and act like a father not a child. Take care of his own kids once in a while. That you need to get out sometimes and he better not have an attitude about it. Honestly if he doesn’t like these things or won’t let you do them I’d say then it’s time to go.
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It will only get worse if you don’t say something or step up and change it…he works ok doesn’t mean he is off from life when he gets off of work…give him some rest time when he gets home but after an hr or two he can help you with what needs to be done.u need a break or u will have a nervous break down and probably lose your shit on him…he isn’t stupid he knows your not just sitting around the house all day…but if he has forgotten them u can take a day to walk him through it and let him do it all…take your time don’t wait for him to give it to you or approve of it…you need to communicate everything you need to change with him…
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I don’t see how getting rid of this deadbeat could hurt you. You would have 1 less dish to cook and wash. No one to time you or invalidate your exhaustion. And time off when he gets visitation. He’s getting a free ride in life at your expense. The best news is you don’t even have to file or pay for a divorce 
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Us mamas don’t ever get a break we work 24/7! He sounds like a douche. Hugs for you mama
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Sounds like my marriage. I left finally. I have way less stress and one less person to deal with. I’ve learned to make time for myself and definitely when the kids are old enough have them do chores. I tell mine that we all live here so we all have chores. Men don’t get it.
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He needs to support you!! You go out of your way to make life more comfortable for him but what does he do for you?! Sounds like you are the only one raising and tending to your babies, plus taking care of all the things around the house and you work, other than a paycheck what does he bring to the table? He needs to do his part, you are not his mother nor should you have to make life easier for him. It’s not fair and us moms need breaks too!! I’d suggest coming up with some sort of schedule as in he does baths and dinner and bedtime on these nights and you do the other nights so you can have some time to yourself. If he is unable to work with you as a team you must be honest with him and give him an ultimatum. It is unfair for you to carry all the weight. You deserve a break remember that. Me now being a single mom of 3 kids with their dad living out of state I do it all on my own and it’s really hard some days but even I have to get a break or some alone time. I had to implement a routine and schedule every night. My rule is after 830 is mama time that means they are in bed and fed and read too and we don’t bother mom unless we absolutely need too. Yes my time is sometimes spent folding the rest of the laundry but I try to sit and relax by 9-930 and that gives me an hour to two hours by myself I usually read or watch my show or just relax. It’s a must as we as moms are still human and we need rest we need alone time .
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Men don’t notice what you do until you stop doing it, I’d either once again step and say something to him and if that doesn’t work then suggest that he stay elsewhere for a bit your already doing everything or just plain out leave I know thats easier said then done but if he can’t appreciate that you work from home plus take extra on and he can’t help out or let you just have a night out then really your just going to be unhappy, life is too short girl there needs to be a change!
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This is motherhood… it’s exhausting and speeds by in an instant
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Go visit your mom, unfortunately we will not have them forever. 
communication is the key tell him how you feel. If you don’t see any change you will definitely be better without him. No one deserves to stay in a miserable relationship.
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Sounds like my relationship with my now EX husband 
I couldn’t even do park play dates with female friends without being drilled, grilled, rushed and treated like shit. If I wasn’t home cooking, cleaning and catering to him and the kids he was pissed. But yet he could work then come home and run the streets with friends. Turns out he was doing meth and had more than 13 affairs! Soooo I bounced! That’s not living! We are allowed to have breaks! We deserve to get out occasionally with and without our kids! I did that crap for 7 yrs with my oldest daughters dad, then again for 10 yrs married to my younger 2 kids dad! I guess my point is that you will hit a breaking point and it probably won’t be pretty. I suggest maybe a serious talk before the resentment and bitterness kicks in!
You need to quit keeping the kids quiet/giving him space from them when he comes home just because he’s tired. He’s the father and needs to st ep up. Find a fun class you want to do once a week(art,swim,exercise, dance) and leave him to take care of kids. Ignore his attitude when you take time for yourself and remind him he’s not your keeper he’s supposed to be your partner.
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Give him an ultimatum. Step up or get out. Sadly they only step up enought to satisfy you for a while and fall back into their ways once they feel you are “over it”.
Find a part time job, a hobby, club or class to join.
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I use to be married to someone like that.
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I would meet him at the door and tell him Wednesday nights are yours. Good luck. Don’t tell him ahead of time. If dishes weren’t done. On Thursday he would help or I wouldn’t do them. He needs to help with putting kids to bed and throughout the night.
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Don’t clean up, don’t do the dishes and cook. See how much work that you actually do when he comes home to a messy house. Men can’t do the 24/7 job we do and think it’s equal or greater than his 8 hour job.
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The main question I have is do you still love him or is he providing part of the household income? The way I read this is it seems like he’s a roommate and your the single mom. The next question is, can you sustain yourself without him, if you don’t love him and don’t need his support financially then I would tell your “roommate” his lease is up. Then your mom can actually be a grandma. If he does fight for custody well then he’ll get a dose of what being a parent is.
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I think as people we focus so hard on our “hard” we forget that other people have thier own “hard”
Especially when that other person’s “hard” *looks" easier than our own.
It sounds like this is what your husband is doing.
Like his job is physically demanding and he forgets there are different kinds of “tired”
I’m not saying this is “ok” just that it’s likely not intentional.
When it comes to stuff like this you cant just say “I’m tired” and expect that to really carry well, because when he hears “tired” he’s thinking physically…not emotionally or mentally.
I get it. This was an issue between my husband and I for a while.
A real candid conversation about how we were both feeling and why…without doing blame game did help.
Something I’ve seen done that seemed to help:
You each write down the things you do during the day (including things your guys’ job requires) them compare and to try to make those lists even out a little more.
Remind him that sharing the load also allows you two to have more time together as a couple.
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Go see your mom… take the kids and spend the weekend there… or, if there’s room and she’ll allow it, just move in with her… F*** him, he’s just a s**thead… your mother is far more important, spend all the time you can with her.
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Tell him it’s time to switch roles… He can work from home and you work out of the house lol
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Visit your mom and tell your husband to kick rocks. Next time he says oh you’ve been home all day make some smart remarks back at him how you’re working too it’s just from and actually like 2 jobs because you watch one child too. He sounds like a plug
Maybe a marriage consouler would help. You would have a safe place to state everything you just said.
Motherhood is stressful and loanly at times…this is the world of a Mom…there really isn’t that much time in a day for parties and relaxation…you signed up for this when you became a Mom…try to find something you enjoy like flower gardens out in the yard or a garden of vegetables…bird feeders and warm walks in the sun…do your best to try and find a moment of piece…Dad’s don’t carrier the baby for 9 months…don’t give birth…99% of the time it’s Mom…who did and does it all.
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That sounds awful, I’m so sorry he behaves that way. My husband is an officer in the army. He would have staff duty shifts (which are 24 hours long, mind you), and he would still come home and be willing to help with our daughter, cook, clean, whatever. I would let him sleep but he was always willing. Men who act like they are not equally responsible for care of their home and children are gross. You deserve better. Talk with him, see if he is willing to change. If not? Find someone better.
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Sounds like you doing it all without him any way why not just leave? Or if it’s your place tell him to hit the road!
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Instead of being afraid of him, tell him off!!! Most times when you do that they back off. They like to be controlling, but you work harder than he does, turn it around on him and tell him to stay home a week and get everything done!
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I feel sorry for you because I have the most amazing man ever. Tell him counseling or you are leaving him!! A counselor will set him right. And leave if he won’t go to counseling. There are a lot of men that would show you mor respect and appreciate you
hes using you. take your kids and GO. he isnt going to change.
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Stop cleaning. Pick a day that he’s off and say " this day is for me. I’m silencing my phone. I’ll be home sometime this evening. I’m not cleaning when I get home either" just walk out. Don’t give him a heads up and don’t give him time to argue.
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Tell him you are going grocery shopping alone but do grocery pick up instead and take that time to have time to urself… I completely understand how you feel and you need to tell him how you truly feel… write him a letter so you can say all the things you cant/don’t say to his face.
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My partner didn’t understand either what being a stay at home parent did, UNTIL it happened to him! LoL
His work went to the crapper…and I worked solidly for 2 years(through covid) and he was continuously telling me how hard it was, and HE was exhausted. He finally got to experience and understand. Since then he’s been Great! 
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Thats horrible. He really thinks staying at home means you relax all day 
im so sorry. But you can add me and ill be your friend!! Im a stay at home mom of 3 and im always here. We can video chat! 
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Pack up the kids and leave for a week or two to uour moms. Let the “chores” not get done at the house. Give him that reality check. If it doesnt open his eyes…then leave,you are already on your own.
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Call your old friends, meet for dinner after he gets home. Start doing for you.
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No reason you can not visit your Mother when she is that close. Time your visits to fit both your schedules. When you put your children to bed leave them alone and take a little “me time.” Maybe you don’t need your home to be ready for inspection all the time. Take time for yourself.
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I went threw that with my husband. It was when I was hospitalized for 2 weeks that he realized exactly how mich I did in and out of the home. And even from my hospital bed I made sure to keep a schedule for my daughter’s sake. By the time I was released from the hospital he told me that he had no idea how I did it all and that he was exhausted. I think you should take a weekend for yourself, even if it just means staying at your mom’s for 2 days. Leave him to do everything for the kids. Warning you may come back to a destroyed home, but your point will be made of exactly how much you really do. They think everything just cleans itself somehow. Leave a list of things that absolutely need to be done or no list. That way when he asks where his clothes is at, you have the point to make that it was in the Laundry and if he didnt do it, he doesnt have it.
Time for you to leave him
Take a vacation alone. Let him deal with the kids.
I went through this same thing. 27 and now 30.
I had to lay down some HUGE boundaries or I threatened to leave.
What you are experiencing is burn out. It’s normal and natural. 7 year itch, 11 year itch, all marriages go through this time where both are exhausted. Raising kids is hard. Men work hard. It’s not fair to say who works harder.
Sometimes we have to get our foot out the door before they will say okay okay! I’ll HELP!
Then if he DOES NOT help, if HE LETS you go. Hunny he ain’t worth it.
If you are going to literally do everything by yourself you might as well do it for real.
My husband grew up with a mom that stayed home and literally did everything.
I rememind him, I am not her. And sometimes I just let the house go. You don’t want to help. Fine. I’ll slack off too, I’m tired too.
And he actually switch the frickin laundry yesterday! Wow 
6 months ago. He didn’t even know how to load the laundry. He had to ask me. I know this was a huge ego kill.
He just needs to be reminded how hard he would have it without you. Even if that means staying in a motel or at ur moms for a night.
Personal development and counseling help me.
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I’ll be your friend! I am a SAHM and also work from home. I am sorry you feel so alone. You should have a conversation with your man about needing time for yourself. Also, talking to a counselor may be helpful for you.
How did you think this guy was husband material? He’s a narcissist. As long as you let him control you he will. Don’t get pregnant again
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You don’t need his permission, when he gets home just say I’ll be back going to run som errands. Leave the kids with him, they will be fine. Get away and do nothing, or everything whatever you need. When you are back if he has an attitude just meet it with kindness and let him know you appreciate him holding down the fort while you got things done. Make it a routine and hopefully he will come around and his eye will be opened. Also try to share tasks. You clean up while he gives baths or whatever but he should share the load. And just say hey can you do this while I do that. 
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If the person who wrote this sees this and needs someone to talk to please feel free to reach out! Everyone should have a friend to vent to whether in person or not! I did the stay at home mom thing for 2 years and I couldn’t hack it. We still have trouble with balance because my s/o works more than I do. But you have to seriously address these issues because you are going to burnout and it honestly sounds like you already have. If your husband can’t even begin to understand where you are coming from or try to listen to some reason then it is 100% time to leave or consider counseling
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I was in the same boat til he couldn’t keep up with payments due to habits. He asked me to get a job opposite of his schedule. So I work nights full time. He quickly told me how hard it is and he had to call his or my mom on some occasions to ask questions or receive help. They don’t realize how hard it can be til they’re the ones doing it. I have three children five and under.
Now the routine is he comes home from work, showers, I go to work, he feeds bathes and puts kids to bed. Weekends he’s off so he’s better at it now lol. It’ll get better. Start making some changes and communicate with him
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Time for a change…with your Mom a couple doors down…will she help you through making a change?? Your kids will be happier too I’m sure!
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Sounds like me I lost all of my friends and I even stopped talking to my own family because my attention was focused only on him … I’ve been with my bf for 5 years probably the 3rd year is when I actually started talkig to my family again … we have a 2 year old daughter together and we broke up in mid August and just got back together around October because I found out that I got pregnant the day or a couple days before we broke up ahah … he has a 13 year old daughter who I invested my life in aswell and means alot to me she considers me her mom more than her own even though him and I are NEVER getting married … when it comes to friends I only have a few which is literally like 3 not even …
When you lay down and have kids you might as well say that you will not get “a break” again for at least 18 years. I do not understand what women don’t understand about that. Soak up those 18 years because believe it or not they really do fly by and then you will wish you could have them all over again. Believe me I feel you and it feels like an eternity at the time but soak that up before you have an empty house hoping and praying you will have company
FYI this is mental and emotional abuse. It’s not a good relationship and he needs to do his part around the house. You both work, 50/50. So why the hell is he not helping w kids and house 50/50? Not a healthy relationship.
I say this from personal experience. After i left I finally realized how much I dealt with that was not right.
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Stop calling him your husband.
He’s controlling and doesn’t help out. You’re overwhelmed and drowning. You need help.
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I did this for sooooo many years! Even though I was working, I had little to no help with the kids and house. I finally decided that if I was going to DO IT ALL BY MYSELF, I MIGHT AS WELL BE BY MYSELF! The best thing I ever did was reclaim MY LIFE! So I said, “Fck this sht!” and lived happily ever after!
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Cud of written this myself…
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Get to couples therapy now. My ex didn’t like how the therapist told him that being a stay at home parent was a job too and it was inconsiderate to expect me to never need a break and to time me when I’m gone but not to let me ask him how long he is going to be. I understand everything you’re going through. I was so depressed because of being in the same situation and feeling the same that I mentally missed a huge chunk of my childrens childhood. I cried because I realized what I missed. I missed more than half of my sons life from ages 5 months till 15 months. I missed the same amount of time for my daughter. It broke my heart.
If you can, download doctor on demand and see if they accept your insurance. If they do, make a visit with John Mayer. He’s a psychologist and I had apts every week. He is incredible and is a renowned author who writes amazing books about parenting, life, etc. he changed my life. Give him a shot & pm me if you wanna talk or meet up
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Honestly I would say either start respecting me or I’ll be out.
Taking care of children all the time is a full job
I’d leave for a weekend to see if he could even manage
Family is a partnership if it’s not treated like thar what’s the point
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Are you on good terms with your parents? If you are I would highly recommend having your kids stay at their grandparents house for a night. EVERYONE needs a break at some point, and you are no exception. Parenting is hard, but you shouldn’t have to drown yourself in it. If your kids ended up liking to spend the night at their grandparents, consider doing it every month or so. I know my mom had to send us to my grandmas house, both because we liked it, and because my mom needed a break. We’re not supermoms, we’re not meant to be. It’s 100% okay to give yourself breaks .
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Go away for a few days.
Let him figure it out. Seriously. If talking isn’t helping, do.
Marriage counseling, and perhaps a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds for you. You sound depressed. You need to get out of the house. Take a class at a gym where you can meet other women and mothers your age. The exercise and socialization will do you good.
At 27, you’re too young to be going thru this stress. Some of it is your fault as you give in to him, to your children ( yes I know they are very young) but you need to be firm, stand your ground. You’ve given your children bad habit to stay with them until they fall asleep, so now, you have to hurry yr shower because if they dont feel you next to them, they’ll wake up. You are doing EVERYTHING, so naturally, your husband thinks you are capable so you don’t need his help. Do you even ask him help with anything. As for timing you when you step out, start doing the same to him, see how he likes that, attitude and all if he stays out longer than 2 hours. I don’t know what else to say, All the best my dear
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He’s a narcissist and you need to get out! You’re already doing it by yourself, so what would change?
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You allowed things to become this way, so stop whinning and do something about it! You don’t need to have someone tell you what to do, you already know!
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You can change this. You need to, also.
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I would be leaving the house when he gets home and let him tend to kids for and hour or 2 each night tough shit if he doesn’t like it. Let him know you need a break and he needs to help.
You need to talk to him… lay out how you handle things daily, let him know what’s happening, and tell him that you need and want to have a date night with him at least once a week, *that is always good to just give the kids to grand ma and get out with your love, and you also want to put the children in a day care for a few hours, just so you can get out and do things that you need to get done. And have time to clean what needs to be cleaned cause it’s hard to do it with them at times. And, then You perhaps go to a local community college a few class’ that interest you and make some friends there perhaps. * Don’t go there to find someone to tell your troubles to though. That’s never good! You need to re do your thinking on things, what your interests are and what your work is re org. your life to fit your family., since your getting older and you have a life too. Go for walks after dinner and let him take care of the children while your out walking(exercising) He goes to work and is doing what all men mostly do for their families. You are blessed with a beautiful family. I’ll keep you in my prayers that all goes better for you.
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Your situation sounds abusive. You should ask your mom if you and the kids can stay there. You should try and talk to a therapist. The way you are feeling will only get worst and it seems clear that your husband will make no effort to fix himself.
Time for him to go and you go do you 
Find a sport for you 
I joined an AFL footy team (aust) and it’s been so social an amazing and most womens teams allow kids to be running around at training everyone sort of watches them when they bond together. Or dancing is another one. Most sports for adult women have flexibility and is a lot looking for social ness xx
try to smoke a little herb that’s what i do