Just need some opinions… My husband works full time, I stay home with the kids (5 kids, ages 12, 11, 9, 3, and 8 months). The youngest two are mine and hubby’s together. So. Husband of course works, 40-60 hours a week. He takes care of the yard. He is a great provider. I take care of the house and the kids. I do 100% of the cleaning and 90% of the cooking (hubby sometimes grills because he likes it) which I agree is part of my duties as a stay at home mom. However the problem comes in here - husband thinks I should also do 100% of the child raising/care. We are mainly talking about the 3 year old and 8 month old here - I change ALL diapers, give all baths, the baby is breastfed so that’s all on me, but even now that she is older and taking baby food, I feed her every baby food meal. If I’m outside, they are outside with me and I’m still watching/caring for them. If I’m inside, they are running around at my feet in whatever room I am in. They are CONSTANTLY in my care, I don’t get a break, while he is at work or while he is home. If I have to run to the store, guess what, they go with me, because husband can’t/ won’t do anything with the 8 month old. He will pick her up if I say something, but if she doesn’t stop crying, that’s as far as his effort goes. He just sits there with her crying until I get her from him. He doesn’t get up and walk her or feed her or anything, just sits there. He’s changed maybe 10 diapers combined in the last 3 years. I don’t think he’s ever given a bath. When it’s time for bed, husband just goes and gets in the bed and plays on his phone for another hour. I run around, give them baths, dress them, brush teeth, try to fit my shower in somewhere, etc etc. It’s all on me. I finally drag myself into bed 30/40 minutes later feeling nothing but resentment towards him. Like when it’s time for bed, why can’t he grab one and me the other? Him change and wipe one while I change and wipe the other. Why can’t he help some? Why can’t he take some initiative and actually parent alongside me when he is home??? Feed them if they are hungry, take the crying baby on a walk to calm her, entertain the 3 year old, just attend to their needs as well.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't help with our youngest two: Advice?
Y’all didn’t talk abt this before getting married
His fault. Voice your concerns. They’re valid. If he doesn’t listen, marriage counseling or divorce. But that’s my own opinion.
He should be participating in raising his children.
If you need to go to the store, go. Leave the kids. Tell him he WILL help with those babies or you can take half his money and nothing will change for you but he’ll be doing for himself.
Your points are valid. Your a human. You need breaks. Or the wheels will fall off the bus!!
He needs to chip in. Can’t leave it on just her.
Voice it or leave
Your already basically a single mother anyways.
What you allow is what will continue.
My husband runs a business, and I am a sahm. He will still come home and cook, do dishes. Takes our youngest with him to work so I can have a break.
If he wanted to, he will.
Being a great provider is wonderful but there is more to being a father then just providing. I would voice my concerns and frustration you are entitled to that.
If he wants a good relationship with them he needs to bond with them
Don’t ask just leave the kids with him when you go to the store. If you want to split the work with the kids then get a job outside the home and divide the responsibility and housework.
Order the deck “Fair Play” off Amazon. It can be great to see how things are being divided up and spark those conversations.
Finding a marriage or individual counselor that works with weaponized incompetence can be helpful.
There is no reason why he should never change a diaper, run a bath, or help with the children.
Imagine if you switched roles. Would the expectation still be that one partner works and the other does everything else with no breaks?
And we haven’t even gotten into emotional labor yet but I suspect that’s all on your shoulders as well.
You and your children deserve better.
Stand your ground and speak up. That’s what’s you need to do validate you understand his role outside of the home but you need a bit of time away as well. Enlist the other kids to help you
Communicate, do not attack, but just ask him to do whatever you need help with, some men just need to be asked, they are not psychic and just know, his brain is wired differently.
I would point out to him that he may work 40-60hrs a week, but you work 112+ a week (thats giving you 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep) and you need a break and to rest just like he does. Just because you dont earn a wage does not mean you dont work from sun up to sundown. I would also present how much childcare, a cleaning service, and a cook etc would cost. If it didnt improve some I would be gone.
Make him step up and help raise his kids. If he won’t, threaten him with divorce. You need not live like this.
This is costing him in his relationship with his kid’s as well as you. You deserve breaks as much as he does.
You’re pretty much doing it on your own. So why be with him. Either marriage counseling or divorce
You need to address this to your husband
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Marriage and parenting is 100/100 not 50/50, get counceling. Talk to him about expectations both of you are in this marriage. Watch Dr Phil he has some episodes of advice on this subject. I’m noticing on this page this is a theme in alot of marriages or relationships today that the father’s think that since they provide an income they don’t have to do anything else. You are not the only one going through this from the posts I’ve seen in the past. Communication is key what are your needs, what are his needs expectations in this relationship.
Yeaaaa there would have already been SO MANY ARGUMENTS if that were me
Currently. My husband works. I stay home with two kids. Youngest one is his. Almost two years old.
He helps ALL THE TIME as much as he can
Because he’s a father
Like I’m a mother
And he wanted to be a father
I was very clear before I thought about letting him get me pregnant what the expectations were
It takes two to make a child and two to raise them
I would never - ever just let him sit there and not help and fume the entire time
He KNOWS better
Speak up. Be firm. State facts. Don’t back down
If no change. Then u make the change
My Mom raised 5. First diaper my Dad changed was my granddaughters. He worked full time and farmed. When we were out of diapers we tagged along. A lot of men don’t care for little ones but they still love them. I also don’t remember him cooking, cleaning or washing dishes until he was retired. It doesn’t make them deadbeats. He was up by 4 a.m. every morning and in bed by 8 p.m.
Go away for the weekend and he is in charge. They are his kids and it’s not babysitting. Have fun!
I’m currently on maternity leave, my husband works full time, we have a 6 year old and a 2 month old. I do mostly everything but he will give baths and get our 6 year old ready for bed, give our 2 month old a bottle or hold her/ entertain her if I want to jump in the shower! And he cooks on the weekend and does all the yard work, his laundry and sometimes the dishes!!!
He needs to pitch in alittle bit. You didn’t make those babies alone it’s not just up to you to care for them
Tell him what you need from him!
He didn’t help with the 3 year old, so why would he help now that there are two littles? In his mind, you tolerated the behavior, so he continues it.
He should be helping there his kids to
Go get a job and pay someone too raise your kids
JFC this day and age being a SAHP is a luxury.
Before the harpies ring in, I had been a single parent for several years, who raised my oldest daughter since she was 6m old (24y now)
House work and kids can be hectic but still much easier than working for any kind of boss.
You really think your job/life is harder then his? Swap. Go get a job and let him stay at home, bet you sing a different tune.
He should help more but it is YOUR primary job since you’re a SAHP.
Maybe I’m aggressive, I would put that baby in his arms and be like time to be a dad not a bank and then leave. Then he has no choice to get off his a** and parent. I refuse to put him with that thing because I didn’t have parents and I know people who think it’s cool to be a deadbeat and it’s really not.
Also if he decides to do anything stupid, child endangerment and then I’d get a divorce and be a single mom that gets the benefits and not just the stress.
Tell him! Give him specific tasks. My husband will help, but I must give him direct, clear, instructions. Sometimes, you may have to say “I am going to the store alone. Please take care of the kids.”, then go.
I agree with Heather but He can help. Just being an ass. If you allow this to continue you will resent him. He helped make these babies he should help raise them. You can provide $ for them too but that doesn’t make you a mommy. $ doesn’t make him a daddy. Time spent does…… Maybe get a part time job to get out and away for your sanity. Give him the idea of what you go through while your gone.
Momma, you need a break before you BREAK! Explain to him that even an hour or so in the evening just to shower with no kids, no noise, and bathe alone to decompress can make all the difference in the world… or even a target and Starbucks trip alone works! Lol
He helped make them, he should help care for them.
Have you tried talking with him? Just bc your a sahm doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a break too. This is where a lot of men get confused with sahm, they think it’s easy. When mine were young I would’ve much rather worked then sahm bc at least I got a break at work. You need to BE YOU, not just a mom. Prayers he’ll understand. And prayers for you as well. It’s a hard job that most don’t even get a thank you. Well I’m here to say your awesome.
Grab your keys , and leave the house when you need a break !
Leave him with all the kids for a few hours and just go !
Just say - I will be back , and just go.
Get yourself a coffee or get yourself a pedicure or even a meal and sit in your car in peace …. ￼￼
You need a break.
He will have NO choice.
You both are working full-time! IMO he needs to step up & help parent HIS children!
He should be helping. You teach him how to treat you and the kids even if it’s just bath time or bed time he should be doing SOMETHING
Same issues with my husband no matter how many times i tell him i need help.
Reading things like this just upset me. I’m so thankful and grateful my hubby/kids father willingly does everything for our children no questions asked and never complains about it!! (How it should be!) If I’m busy and our son poops he just goes and changes his diaper no hesitation! If he’s hungry he grabs him food! My daughter wants to practice soccer and he knows I just got out of work he goes out and plays with her! His kids are his number 1 priority no matter how much he works outside the home. Why does it always have to be if one person works more they get to do less as parenting!? I just don’t get it! I guess we just got lucky with an amazing father for my kids! Sorry I got no help here! Just irrates me when I hear fathers think certain things are a women’s job
just walk out the door why do u gotta get a hall pass to do anything. he’ll figure it out that he’s parenting and maybe realize “hey i gotta put in effort” if u just start doing things without his permission. WHY TF u gotta ask him just put a diaper n wipes beside him and tell him you’re going to start helping me u nutted in me now help take care of wtf came out (maybe more elegantly? if u want…)
What are the Laws of the Kingdom of God?
Any kingdom, just like any nation today, cannot properly function without laws. There must be a standard of conduct for subjects and citizens to follow, or chaos and anarchy would result. Following the laws of a kingdom or nation does not grant a person citizenship - that is not the purpose of law. Law is simply a guide for people to follow to ensure cohesion, agreement, and peace in civil and interpersonal relationships. Without an understood standard, enforced by a sovereign ruler, everyone would act according to his own whim or desire, and nothing good or worthwhile would be produced (Judges 21:25).
The Kingdom of God is no different. God is not the author of confusion (I Corinthians 14:33). His Kingdom will be peaceful and orderly because everyone who will enter into it will have voluntarily submitted himself to the law - the commandments - of God. God will not have anyone in His Kingdom who demonstrates, by the pattern of his life, that he will not obey Him (Matthew 7:21-23; Hebrews 10:26-31). Revelation 12:17 describes the saints as those “who keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.”
And a Pharisee once asked Jesus, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” (Matthew 22:36). His response shows that the intent behind God’s law is love - love toward God, and love toward fellow man:
So Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
These two statements; loving God, and loving neighbor as oneself - encapsulate the first four and the last six commandments respectively. The commandments merely define further how to love God and love man. We love God in general by placing Him first, by not adopting physical aids in worshipping Him, by not bearing His name in vain, and by keeping the seventh-day Sabbath holy. We love man, in general, by honoring our parents, not murdering, not committing adultery, not stealing, not lying, and not coveting.
Now when Jesus Christ came, He revealed the spirit - the intent - of His law. He showed that the sixth commandment extends much further than merely prohibiting the taking of human life, but covers even hating (Matthew 5:21-22). Similarly, the intent behind the seventh commandment is to stop adultery at its source: the heart (Matthew 5:27-28). Following God’s commandments in both their letter and spirit ensures the best quality of life for everyone.
When Jesus was asked what one must do to have eternal life, His response was simple: “If you want to enter into [eternal] life, keep the commandments” (Matthew 19:17). To reinforce this, in His last words to the disciples before His arrest and crucifixion, He had much to say about keeping God’s commandments. He was giving them (and us) instruction that would not be absolved by His death:
“If you love Me, keep My commandments.” (John 14:15)“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.” (verse 21)“If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.” (verses 23-24)
The apostle James calls the Ten Commandments “the royal law” - meaning that it came from a King, and is worthy of His Kingdom:
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. For He who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. (James 2:8-12, emphasis ours)
While a man cannot earn entrance into God’s Kingdom - that is a gift that God must bestow (Ephesians 2:8) - it is plain from Scripture that willful rebellion against God’s standard of righteousness will keep a man out of the Kingdom:
Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you. … that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21)
I Corinthians 6:9-10 includes homosexuals (catamites), sodomites, thieves, coveters, and extortionists in the list of those who will be barred from entering the Kingdom of God. Revelation 21:8 mentions that the cowardly, the unbelieving, and the abominable will not live eternally. Revelation 22:15 adds “whoever loves and practices a lie.” These examples show that there is a standard of conduct by which God expects the heirs to His Kingdom to live. After all, eternal life is more than just length of days - living forever would be a terrible curse if there were not also quality of life to match it.
Our Savior tells us what He means by eternal life: “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). He defines eternal life as “to know God.” “Know” suggests a close intimacy, just as a husband and wife are intimate in marriage (Genesis 4:1). It indicates experiential knowledge, not theoretical. In Amos 5:4, God exclaims, “Seek Me and live!” He is saying, “Turn to Me and My way of life; seek to know Me,” not “Search for Me.” He is saying, “Seek to know Me by living the same way I do.” That is how experiential knowledge of Him becomes an intimate knowing of Him. We know Him, in large part, by living the same law of love that He lives by.
Maybe his Mom did everything this sounds like " Old school " to me.My husband worked alot too,he always helped with our children too. I would talk to him,how your feeling!
Why? Here’s your answer, because your allowing it to happen thats why So don’t moan your arse about it.
That asshole needs to be a father… that’s bull shit
He works 40 to 60 hours so you don’t have to? Agreed he should help some with the kids but you are home all day
Definitely talk to him about it. Let him know your feelings. Maybe let him know that while his job has a day or two off a week and ends in the evenings yours is continuing 24/7 and that it would be great for him to help you out at times with little things. After all there are two parents in this equation.
Girl if you can leave for at least an hour or two while his home with the kids do it. Go take that time for yourself explaon to him that you can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. And that you need time to fill it back up. When he gets home from work let him have supper after ur kids are fed and say you’re going out and will be back later and just leave. If he gets mad tell him tough that you need this time for you.
Men should help more with the kids, but don’t count on it. The best thing you can probably do is press one of the older kids into service entertaining the 3 year old and you take the 8 month old. The 12 year old can probably help feed the younger ones. So can the 11 year old. When farm families had a lot of kids the older ones helped out with the younger ones. It can still work like that. Most likely the jobs you need them to do won’t take long so they’ll still have time to eat their own meals, bathe, do homework, and what have you. I just wouldn’t count on hubby to help. He hasn’t yet. And the older kids won’t have to help forever. The younger ones will get to where they are reasonably independent as well in time.
Get a sitter and go do something he’s being typical men don’t usually do diaper changes and what not ! Mine never did and the only time he bonded was in the early mornings before work ! He was working I was staying home
You need to be talking to your husband instead of strangers on Facebook.
You didn’t realize this when you had your first child with him? So now you have a second child with him and he’s the problem? Did you not discuss parenting expectations and involvement before having kids together? Why are you asking it waiting for permission to give yourself a break? Discuss expectations and boundaries and set your time for a break or a get away. Also if you’re particular about how he does things because they aren’t your way, it how you do them or not your routine… they could also be a reason he doesn’t involve himself. He’s just a bystander who provides and apparently acts accordingly. Stop taking the kids on errands if he’s home. Make him responsible for weekend meals. But you also have to accept that how he participates may not be a clone of you or what you do. You might make healthy meals and he might order out for junk on his meal night. You might not let your kids cry. He might let them cry. You might change the diapers immediately, he might let them sit. Did he plan kids with you or did you plan kids with him? Some men don’t want or crave having kids the way when do, they just go along with it. Then the women get mad because the man isn’t feeling equally responsible. Did he equally want them?
That’s how it is when you’re a mom. I had my kids and took care of them and worked. My husband helped occasionally, but I had little free time. That’s what being a mom is
Talk to him about it.
A lot of times men won’t help because women are notorious for wanting things done “our way”, or constantly correcting them when they do something child care related.
I know not all women are like this, but I’m guilty of it, and I know others are too.
Take him step by step through the routine, write it down, leave all supplies ready for him, then leave.
He can do it! Maybe he’s just nervous.
Who lays around watching someone burn out. He should be a partner!!! Not person who loves you should sit back and be a spectator to someone looking like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest!
I agree you need some help, but your husband also needs some help. I say y’all figure out a sitter situation - someone who can watch the kids for an hour or two each day or for certain days of the week to relieve you …… I honestly couldn’t imagine working 5 12s in a week… as a mom I’d rather handle house and kids than work that much so count your blessings there. And talk to him about still finding ways to help more too
NO male in my family EVER did NOTHING with their chikdren. You husbamd does not want his chikdr ed n. Leave him fir some one who WILL love them
he might not change, try to put them in a daycare for few hours a day. it helps a lot.
have you spoken to him? My husband is a PHENOMENAL provider, but honestly had to take a little nudge to be more hands on… and it don’t feel that’s wrong that i had to say something, just that, like you, i was home, my daughter was breastfed, she and i were SUPER bonded, like baby wearing, nursed her til she was 4 years old, (THAT BONDED)… but my husband worked a lot of hours as a car salesman and he is a heart patient. So i TRIED to do everything i could do since i was indeed home. Working and taking care of kids is harder, i’ve done both… So when i started working he was still in that mode where i did everything (but i did enjoy it)… but i eventually snapped cuz it was the same… it fell on me ALWAYS … so i told him i need help. ANd he listened. He just didn’t know WHERE i wanted / needed his help b/c i am one of those moms that has it all done and do it my way… well now it’s more like a ship wreck than a tight ship…just talk to him. I love my husband and one thing i’m thankful for is when i speak he listens… even now that i’m working full time AND doing a side hustle (working to make it my full time job this year, with direct sales) and he sees how hard i’m working doing BOTH jobs and the money i’m making is actually just as much if not more than my day job, he started doing even MORE b/c i told him. “here is where i need help”.
Ask him why, not us. I’d also reconsider having additional children with him if he’s that helpful
My twins dad said, and I quote “I’ll puke if I try to change poop diapers” oh great! Should have mentioned that when you begged me to get pregnant
He’s working 8 to 10 hours a day and you are working 24 because while they are sleeping you are still on call. Not fair. Maybe make him pay for a sitter so you can get some you time. Maybe he will see it differently. Good luck…
My ex never helped much with my twin girls either.work or races was his life…if I were you I wouldn’t take them to the store.leave them home with him when you get that chance…Maybe have to shop daily.
Can’t change anything if you don’t communicate that with him.
Tell him that if he choosing not to bond with his children by engaging in these primary care functions, that’s his choice, and his relationship with the children will be impacted by this choice in their lives. He’s failing you as a husband/PARTNER, regardless of how much he works, and his lacking as a dad in building a foundation of trust with his kids.
What is up with these guys today???..i have seem many post regarding how these guys feel the mom needs to do all the house work and take of the kids even if they work full time…You need to say we are NOT living in the 50’s anymore and man up and grow up and take care of the kids and housework as well! Stop cooking meals for him and then see him change his ways!
Men are weak, they can’t help it.
Not all of them but most.
I’ve been seeing a lot of these post and I’m honestly so confused when I read them. I literally don’t know one father that IS NOT hands on. I’m scratching my head and wondering where y’all find these men. Why weren’t expectations discussed before hand, or at least the discussion of what type of parent they planned to be done beforehand?
if dad wants a relationship he better step up. I was a stay at home mombut hubby was there as parenting is a teamwork.
he can’t expect a relationship with kids if he doesn’t do anything with them if he wants one
Talk to him, he will see one day that not being part of the kids daily routine creates a distance that can’t be broken. If he wants a relationship with his kids he has to help with their daily lives not just come in when it gets a little easier. You have to set the expectations with him and let him know how you feel about this.
I’d find a daycare, apply for jobs then cuss him and his mom out. Yes, his mom too.
So many people saying thats life, thats being a mom, etc . No, no it is not. Men dont babysit, they parent. Literally just talk to him or start leaving. Go to the store and say, I’ll be back in a bit. Go run errands, and don’t even get the kids ready to take with you. Start asking him to give a bath in the evenings while you clean up the kitchen. Being together and parenting should be with someone; you’re a team. It took both of you to make the baby, so it takes two of you to raise it. Do not make the older kids start parenting because they will resent you for it and probably the babies as well. It’s fine if they help but don’t rely on them the same way you should be relying on your spouse. They are still kids too and don’t deserve to be shoved into parenthood. They can play with the babies, and that’s fine. If he can play on his phone for 2 hours, he can give a bath for 10 minutes. Yes he deserves time to wind down after work, and that’s totally fine, but after you give the kids baths, bring them out to him and go shower and lock the door.
Because you married a child. A man assumes the responsibilities as a husband. The work is never done until you both have your family provided for….no matter what the need is. Partnership is 50/50. He may provide during the day, but so do you.
Leave girl if he’s not wanting to setup then that tells you he never will he’s making things harder on you
You are not alone with this situation, it’s more common than we all think , even though that I feel that a woman should be in charge of the house and kids if she doesn’t have a work to help with the finances, I also think that doing everything is absolutely exhausting, you need to have a serious talk to him because he should help you out is you are busy doing others stuff while watching the kids.
If he refuse , ask him about to hire someone to help you out a little bit a couple hours / days during the week so you can have a break .
If that is not a choice then you should consider a separation
What you allow will continue mama! You have to make yourself be heard! Tell him $hit is about to change. You need help and he’s gonna help! He helped make them he’s gonna help raise them. If he doesn’t, ask him why he’s even there? He shouldn’t even have to be told or asked to be a father. Men today think they’re above being a hands on parent
Had this exact same problem with my husband and being a sahm. I left for the summer last year and we talked, he said he’d help more, and he has, a little. If you talk and it doesnt change, honestly, it wont get better. I let it go on for 8 years, and i let him know if i see any back tracking, im gone. If he is neglecting something we discussed, then i tell him.
It’s his house and family, too. Like you saod, i saw it as my duty and job as a sahm, but he’s still an adult and that doesn’t give him a free pass to not be a dad or husband or partner.
Can he afford to help you with a nanny for a few days ? I mean if you went back to work and had to put the kids in daycare , you would be paying so much money. You are a huge asset to the family as well. You deserve a break here and there. After all hubby at least gets to have a lunch in peace while he’s at work.
You do know you have accepted his behavior all these years. If he helped with other as they grew up you need to ask him what’s up. Communication goes a long way. If you can’t talk about things like must not
Be as good as they use to be.
I didn’t get any help from my husband much either… my two youngest are now 14 & 17… I also had 2 bonus kids that are 4-6 yrs older than their younger siblings. Not much assistance with them from either bio parent… yes, it did come with quite a bit of resentment for many years. My husband refused diapers & baths. He might sit and hold a baby/toddler while watching tv while I cooked, but if they got squirmy, he’d let them down and they’d be at my feet. I got smart & got a baby gate that stretched across the kitchen entry way so I could cook in semi peace.
now I have a granddaughter & I barely have energy for much anything anymore and my body is broke down from previous health issues & 5 back surgeries in last 4 yrs… my husband didn’t work as much back then (40hrs max) as he does now (60-80hrs)… but he has always managed to find the time to nap, sleep, eat, shower, & help everyone else while I’ve taken care of all inside & outside the house and all kids. My teenagers think he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread while I’m always the bad guy and get the brunt of their attitudes/behaviors… BUT… silver lining… once they become adults they KNOW who was there and did everything for them and as a result I have the best relationships (even best friends with adult bonus kids)… it has made raising my two bonus kids (now 21 & 23) all worth the while! They even come to help me when I ask. My two teens (bio) hopefully will realize, that mom did the best she could and that it definitely wasn’t easy, once they are adults with their own families. all I’m saying, is that this will be a thing of the past one day and you’ll be able to breathe & relax and something will help put things into a better perspective and help you to see your efforts didn’t go unnoticed and that your kids love you so much for doing the best you could
I have no advice here as I’m dealing with the same situation, except I work 30 hours a week also out of the home. But as you said, I take 100% responsibility for the household and the children… 100%… I too feel resentment towards him.
You need time to yourself… Let him know he will be watching them once a week for a few hours
Leave him if he can’t start helping u out but first I would talk to him about your frustrations
My first husband was like that useless as tits on a bull. My 2nd husband was hands on with our daughter.
Daycare and he will have to pay for it, if he doesn’t want you doing that then tell him he’s going to have to help more in the evening., Bc his day ends after work and he gets a break but you never do and that’s got to change for the relationship to work…or ask him if he has any suggestions… good luck ,I raised 4 by myself., Couldn’t have done it though without work and daycare…
YOU did not see these things…with the first child you both had…for over a year…YOU allowed it…with the 2 year old…why would you think he would help with another child ??? This did not JUST …HAPPEN…As long as you take it…HE…will dish it out…The older children needs you both as much or more than these babies…WHO is caring for their needs ???
Honestly….if he tried at all with your baby then she wouldn’t cry when he picks her up?
Tell him you want to simulate a divorce, he gets the kids every Wednesday for two hours and must feed them dinner (cook, take out whatever) and every 1st-3rd & 5th weekend they are all his.
You run away those days
The man works 40-60 hours a week. My husband has a job-first responder-on call 24/7.
All it takes in our household is my saying"honey, I need your help for a little bit" & he is there pitching in.
Sounds like a a man that likes to make babies for the mothers to RAISE
For your sanity, don’t have anymore
Hire a nanny or daycare, get you a PT job just so you can get out of house !
I was raised by my mom and I had both parents
My father was a man who went to work came home and sat in a recliner when home and watched sports my mom was totally hand’s on having no break
When my father past away it had no effect on me because he never tried to be apart of my life I only saw this man who watched TV when he was around
So I never felt a loss
And I don’t miss what I never had and that’s probably going to be the same legacy your husband will leave your kids
I truly feel for you , you should have help and I pray that you get it because the outcome of his behavior does have an undesirable outcome but that is his choice
Put your foot down and tell him to help quit letting him walk all over you men need to understand that they have an equal responsibility in taking care of there children I’ve had to go through this myself and I quit doing everything for him he wants to act like a damn roommate fine treat him like one don’t wash his clothes don’t wash his dishes don’t keep pulling his weight pull up day care fees maid fees chief fees and let him know you do it all without help
That is total bs they are his responsibility just as much as yours and just because he works outside the home does not mean he does not have to do anything inside the home he should be helping with the cooking, cleaning, feeding amd bathing the kids. You should not have to drag 2 little kids to the store I would just tell him I’m going to the store I’ll be back soon and leave the kids with him you don’t need his permission to go to the store alone. My husband works 40+ hours a week he cooks, does laundry, food shops and cleans he also has heart and lung issues but takes great care of me your husband has no excuse he need to step up and be a real husband and dad
Try counseling. Sometimes it takes someone like a therapist or doctor to make them understand
I don’t really know, my mom worked 12 hour shifts and raised us by herself, as for him I think that he should do some things occasionally but if he really works 60 hours a week and does the occasional thing I think he is doing his part, but that’s me. I mean that’s a lot of work to work 60 hours a week but I do think he should play with the kids once in a while and feed them when they’re hungry since that isn’t really a hard job, as far as I know, and you should help put them to bed or even wake up at night to do his share of being up with the baby, but anything beyond that, I’m not sure? Different strokes for different folks I guess.￼￼￼￼
Working or not, your job is 24/7. He gets a break to go to work. I would have a sit down and ask him for more help. Motherhood and sometimes being a SAHM, you lose your identity. We need breaks too! You’re definitely not in the wrong feeling resentment. My husband helps with EVERYTHING. We’re a team!
Well I say, he had fun putting hands on three years ago and eight months ago so now he needs to put hands on and help out and just tell him you need some time to yourself at least once or twice a week and go out get a pedicure and a manicure and go out with the girls for a couple hours to relax don’t be a martyr just because your mom. He had fun making them so now he can have fun helping take care of them. ￼
PS And when he goes to bed to play on his phone tell him to start looking up fun things to do with toddlers and infants.￼