I’ve been with my husband for four years. I had a child from a previous relationship when we met; she was three at the time. We now have another daughter and a son on the way. When I first got pregnant, he suggested I stop working and be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed. Since then, things have gone so far downhill. I’m now pregnant again with a one-year-old and a 7-year-old. My husband worked a lot since he’s the only breadwinner and was still struggling. As far as our marriage goes, we don’t get along anymore. I feel like everything is on me. I’m the only person who cleans cooks goes to doctors’ appointments school functions… yet these are the only things I am allowed to do. Every time I’d like to do something fun with the kids or have a date night suddenly, we can’t afford it. My husband also has a unique way of ruining every holiday birthday party or family get together. He picks those days of all days to be the biggest jerk so that 9/10 we don’t end up participating. He absolutely does not pull his weight at home or with our kids, and he has zero sympathies for me being 37 weeks pregnant, tired, and in pain. He still expects me to take care of everything, just short of wiping his ass. I love his hit at this point; I’m exhausted mentally emotionally and physically. Talking to him about his/our issues does nothing but start fights. I feel like I’m out of options.
After all of these posts…
I guess the thing i take away most…
If ever i get in a relationship, don’t ever quit my job, and become a stay at home mom.
If you feel its beyond talking may be time to get out
Dont stress mama have your baby. Thats all you need to do right now. I know its stressful but just focus on yourself and being soon to deliver.
He’s a deadbeat and it doesn’t get better.
I’m a stahm… It’s difficult. But stahm do deserve a break. Talk, communication. Give chores for the older one. If you cook dinner every night have your hubby help clean up afterward. Especially with a new baby coming, more responsibility is coming and it’s not 100% on you. If he makes the money, that’s great. But he’s also responsible for helping with the household. I have 3 kids and a husband, .and I tell them I’m not their maid. They will help. I’m not a maid. Chores will be done and my husband will help with some laundry and help cleaning after dinner. It’s also important to get one on one time with your hubby. Try to get that as much as possible. Good luck mama
I would say bye bye bye
In my opinion I feel like it is becoming a toxic relationship for everyone and you and your family don’t deserve that so I would leave him and live a happier life
I woulda read about narcissist… sounds as if he could be one, if so, I suggest read all you can to learn what it is like being in a relationship with one, it’s not pretty and will become far worse with time…
Sounds like he is suffering from anxiety and possibly ptsd. Is he willing to see a therapist(
GET OUT before you have even more kids . Sounds like he just wants to keep you barefoot and pregnant
Divorce or marriage counseling
Omg sounds like my life!
I could have wrote this myself.
Mother of 6 and been dealing with it for 8 years…
Are you married to my husband? For real! Everything you said sounds just like my husband. It’s been 6 years for us, everyone ask why I’m still with him my answer because I dont want him treating someone else this way and that’s the truth! It’s hard head up love! You have a baby on the way have someone keep your youngest one day and lay in bed the whole day get your time
I read an article not long ago that asked men if they were actual partners in their marriages or if they are just living in the same house with a mother and her kids. If all a husband does for his family is financially provide, he can do that living somewhere else.
Take a break and do what you want to do! Regardless of what he has to say about it. Find your own sitter and just go
Have a sit down and suggest marriage counseling. If he is super against it, then leave and file for divorce. Use the resources around you to help you get out and on your own. It’ll be hard, but at least you’re not expecting and then being let down
What you allow will continue. If you want to do something with the kids, then do it. Make a date night, have everything planned and the money for that separate. If he refuses to do the date, then you see what he’s on. Cleaning the house and all that, is kinda on you if he’s working like crazy. I think he should still help, maybe ask him to complete some chore. If it’s still not satisfactory, or he still complains no money, then go back to work and expect the chores to be split.
We moved and I agreed I would stop working and do the sahm thing… I’m more of a worker. My youngest is 5. He works insane hours, but he makes 6 figures. And he still helps clean and cook. Actually, he is the one that cooks when he’s home, he’s a lot better at it lol.
That’s so sad, I’m so sorry u have such an unempathetic ass for a spouse I get he is at work all day but so are u,￼ u just don’t leave. Marriage counseling could help, I’d start by asking if he still wants u to to work, if he loves u… the answer may hurt but maybe the simplest thing is the answer. I dint say that to be an asshole, I lived it…my ex was doing all that same crap and it never dawned on me that he just didn’t want us anymore it hurt, it killed me in a way but set me free in others. I deserve the truth. If he says he does than it’s time for help cuz what’s going on is saying he doesn’t care
Maybe he’s tired from Working
Fuck. That. Been there, never again. Never!
I feel like we either have the same husband or they’re related somehow hahah
Get a job … even babysitting other kids in your home save a stash and LEAVE
Get a job on the opposite shift to work it where he will be home with the kids while you work. Then he gets to cut back on hours worked and can be home with the kids when you are at work. That makes it even hours working and spending time watching the kids. You will have your money and time away being productive.
Bad doesn’t get better. Bad gets worse. Find a way to get the hell out before you lose yourself
Give him a reality check. If you separate how much will he pay in child support? Calculate it for him and show him. If you leave what will his visitation/ custody look like? Show him how much time he would be alone with the kids taking care of them 100% by himself without you on his days. And if his visitation time overlaps with his work schedule, price out day care options he would be responsible to pay for those days and show it to him. He’s taking advantage of you right now. Sometimes leaving, even temporarily, forces him to do his share.
It’s really upsetting to see so many women in marriages or relationships like this. You’re supposed to be a team. Suggest counseling and see how he reacts. If he refuses or it doesn’t work, call your counties housing agency and see what your options are. I’m sorry, but there are men out there who want to be partners, not mothered. Everyone deserves happiness and it does exist
There was an anonymous post about a week ago that a mum had asked about support between centrelink & working and how much you can get and if its doable. Obviously being pregnant its a bit different but heaps of mums said they make it all work on centrelink and working part time. Theres also a lot of other support it sounds like as well for emotional and help with getting it sorted.
You might even find its less work without a man child around . Best of luck!
It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress, just from different sources. Obviously you being a stay at home mom, you are working your tail off taking care of the kids and the house. And being pregnant on top of that add more stress and fatigue. He is working as much as possible to ensure that your base needs are covered. He’s holding his stress in a totally different way than you are. He probably is a grumpy jack ass, but I doubt it’s intended. You may come off as hormonal and snippy and unappreciative. You both need to breath, remember why you got together in the first place. Have a conversation without attacking each other.
Maybe I’m just super old fashioned but my husband brings home the money . He provides that way I provide by cleaning cooking and taking care of everything else Including children. On the weekend if I need something extra done he usually helps we get it done then relax the rest of the weekend
You’re not just a sahm. Being a sahm includes being a homemaker and child rearing. He should help with the kids some but if you expect him to do so equally to you, that’s irrational.
Nonetheless he sounds controlling. Of course you deserve a night out and if youll cant afford it then go back to work so you can pay for it yourself
Sounds like a narcissist
Look at this way, he’s pulling his weight workin more trying to keep his family fed N safe and your job is keepin the house in order.Maybe your mental attitude is getting you down and tired. Don’t have anymore kids. It will take the stress off for both of you. In this day and age having babies/kids are expensive. Just be thankful you are not a single mom.
If a man is working & providing for your family he shouldn’t be expected to do house work. It’s a woman’s job to take care of the house, kids and have food on the table if the man works. As far as having kids being a mom is a full time job. Daddy’s should do what they can with the kids on free time.
It took years for my husband to grow up. We had four kids. Married 13 years. Well I had to divorce him as he moved us around so many times it was unreal. And he drink a lot and ran around with the guys. So after awhile I had to do what I had to do. But as the years passed he grew up. At the age if 50 Lol. But it’s not easy. But I truly hope u and ur husband get things worked out. God bless
Wanna know the TRUTH?? IF YOU HAVE BEEN DOING IT THIS LONG BABY… YOU DON’T NEED HIM. YOU CAN DO THIS BY YOURSELF BECAUSE A GUY LIKE THAT WHOM DOESN’T CONTRIBUTE TO ANYTHING HE NEEDS TO KICK ROCKS YOU CAN DO BAD ALL BY YOURSELF!! SCREW HIM! THEN I DO UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE AND YOU FEEL STUCK. THINGS WILL EVENTUALLY FALL BACK INTO PLACE. BUT DON’T LET THIS MAN MAKE YOU DO THE MOST! ITS NOT RIGHT LOVE.
I think you need to talk to a marriage counselor not to Facebook they can’t help you everybody’s situation is different
Being the sole bread winner is hard and stressful. Maybe you can stroke his ego a little? As far as him ruining holidays or family functions quit asking, go without him! You should not miss out because of his bad attitude. Maybe if he sees you will just carry on he will step up. I’m sorry it’s a difficult time right now. He should see and react a little more to your needs. Good luck to you.
Narcissists arent fun. Been there and done it with 8 kids 4 from his previous, 3 of mine from previous and 1 together. I was made 2 do everything. The only thing 2 do, as much as it hurts is say gbye. U can still be together, but live separately. That way u control ur house and dont have to worry what his doing. I hope u have family support . All the best with it. Xo
Make a chart like you would for a child, one half of the board your side with your name at the top , half his side with his name at the top. Now list you day for a week and tell him to fill out his side for a week , at the end sit at a table together and talk , if he does not see the need to be part of the family and what it takes, then tell him you want a separation because you are doing it all already!
I feel like if you had a job to help him everything would be much better if he is the only one that sustains you and your kids you should understand that can be hard and frustrating on a man. Leaving the person you chose to be with will only make everything worse for you and your kids that is the foundation of how they will be when they grow up and us as wife’s need to understand that is the most rewarding thing to be there to help our partners you should let him know how would you like him to help you by writing a letter to him and expressing how you feel and also letting him know how greatfull you are to have him.
My husband and me were in the same exact boat but he worked out of town most of the time tile I flipped and said no more I told him you might as well just pay child support and I find someone else cause I though he was cheating probably was … either ways stay at home mom as well at the time I was 8/9 month pregnant I had a 1 year old and a 4 year old tired I stopped washing all his laundry I cooked dinner for just me and the kids and make sure their wasn’t any left overs I put all the dishes in the dishwasher so he always though they were dirty I got good I mean to the point of hiding the towelette paper and towel for the bathroom he would be screaming and I would just be like oh shit sorry thought week totally haven’t had time maybe if I had more help stated outing the garbage bags in his truck you name it I did it well enough was enough and he still would throw fits every time I asked to go do something how it wasn’t in our budget but then he would talk about getting a lift for his truck and said fuck it I am out I left and took everything I needed for the kids he called texted ect for a week I didn’t answer dropped the kids off and left cane back picked them up later he had to work either way I needed help with diapers food ect well he figured it out set up a date night ect and we started dating for a little got back together and it’s a lot!! Better not always easy he still a total asshole about date night but does a lot with me and the kids now and dites his tounge the whole time and smile it’s a work in progress but it’s hard he never get real food or sleep or free time just like me and he always has someone that’s a boss over him everyday isn’t easy at work along with bills and responsibilities he won’t fill me in on if I don’t already know about them he said it’s his job to worry and my job to care for the kids I disagree but either way it’s not always just the guy but we moms have one of the hardest jobs in the world 24/7 babe keep your head up say a prayer and know your children love you know matter what best of luck girl take a bubble bath and shave your legs
People in these comments are ridiculous. My man works 70 hours a week, on his feet, sweating, running around and much more. He still helps with no questions asked. If I’m down or sick, he picks up my weight. Marriage is not always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 60/40 or 80/20 because the other needs your help occasionally. You all are disappointing. A SAHM is a HARDER job than an hourly job. Kids don’t just go away the minute you’re checked out. Shame on you all.
I look at it this way could you be more upset because of the pregnancy because I assume you wouldn’t have agreed to another child if he was being an arse hole before, he works but you don’t say doing what as I know my hubby when he comes home is exhausted he would do more but as I stay at home I take responsibility for the jobs of the house and running around with the kids he makes some school appointments but not all but he makes an effort and he has no issue with me going out if money is a concern could you go over a friend’s for a girly night?
Sounds like my situation. I even control the.money so i know when we have funds for things…do u pay the bills? Like make sure they are paid? If u do then this should open that door for you and doing things since you know whats paid and whats due n whats left if any thing is left go do something. Im sorry i dont have any advice my hubby is the same and i just started doing things by myself n with my kid not even including him. Its heartbreaking because u wanna do family things you want that person who sees ur exhausted n tired and tells you to rest n takes over u want that person who will listen to ur feelings and wanna help work it out.if u dont manage the bills now maybe seeing if u can that way u know exactly whats left n what ypu can do …we still struggle and he makes well over enough he has no self control n i literally had to take hia bank card n credit cards away .it sux how alot of men say they want a family but when they find out what it takes they shutdown.mine didnt even want to participate in halloween it broke my heart…i feel you hun i wish i had advice.
Leave him he don’t care except for him self
Have one night a week you go out on a date night
Just you 2 and yes at 37 weeks
Rekindle what you had
Get family to pitch in for babysitting
Men worry that they cannot take care of the family so the work and work to make more money
From personal experience I have been the sole breadwinner and the sole housekeeper and it’s completely doable to work 40-60 hours per week, then come home and do chores. Everyone is acting like working a full time job takes every ounce of energy and it does not. Tell him you need help at the time, get a doctors note saying you need to lighten up on house work (they do give those if they find out that you are doing everything yourself in the 3rd trimester) tell him you need him. He works a job yes, but he is still a husband and a father. He needs to do his job as a husband and a father as well.
No it is not normal and men that think that way are because they were taught that way. I know plenty of Sahm that have 3 kids and their husbands help oit all around. Either go to counseling to see of you can make it better or find a really good attorney. You must decide yourself though and be ready to move forward. No woman should put up with that
Being a stay at home mom was hard. People have their ups and down, their good qualities and their not so good qualities. If you are truly unhappy then do what you feel is best. If you love him and he is a good day then I think it’s worth it to keep trying
Maybe just know and understand that he doesn’t do well with holidays and expect it. Sit down and talk to him about how you feel. About how tired you are. I know that’s much harder than it sounds but you have to let him know how you’re feeling. Really let him know. If it makes you sad, tell him.
Marriage is hard. But it’s working together and loving one another through our rough patches
I would also suggest getting a job. My hubby wasn’t too keen on the kiddos going to daycare and I had lots of experience working with kids so I found a great school to.work at that mt younger kids also attend. I have a 1, 3, 4 and 7 year olds. It has done wonders for our family. Its been one year now dince i went back to work. The kids are thriving. I am thriving. Hubby is feeling much better because he isn’t so stressed with work.
Honestly i didn’t realize how depressed I was until I started feeling better. Everyone is different. Do what is best for you.
It’s sucks when weight is just on one person. He probably feels the same way. Kids don’t make things even enough. Love someone enough to pick up the slack where they can’t. Imagine if you both were working and taking care of the kids. Stress would be a lot easier to deal with.
First off, “yet these are the only things I am allowed to do” are you his child? His slave? A marriage is 100% and 100%, not 50/50. Both of you need to give 100%. Since your second born is only a year, have you spoken to your doctor about possible post partum depression? It can last for up to 3 years. Other than that, it sounds like he’s controlling if you are only ‘allowed’ to do certain things while he can do whatever he wants when not at work. When our kids were younger hubby worked 16-20 hour days, and he still helped when I needed the extra set of hands. Now he doesn’t need to work as much, the kids are older and with me working full time (I run a daycare from my home) he helps out a lot more as well. If he’s not willing to commit 100% then honestly he never should have gotten into any relationship, much less have children. You two need to sit down, and if he won’t it might be time to give him an ultimatum. But first, please go see your doctor to rule out post partum. I left my husband when we got into a fight when i was pregnant with our youngest cause i was so super hormonal and still have post partum from the second. Thankfully we did get back together and have been stronger together since.
You don’t him,go now
I’m a stay at home mom of 4.
My house is my responsibility. But kids are a 24/7 job so please know that he should help to a certain extent.
I also help run our business by doing invoices, and keep up on the errands.
One thing is to talk to him about his attitude and how that makes you feel! What you both expect out of your relationship!
He’s really gonna need that job for all that child support
When this started happening to me I slammed my foot down because 2 of my 3 were from his previous relationship, so I felt they definitely should not fall solely me, and made my house go from 1 income to 2 incomes. Now he has no choice the whole shebang is a team effort. That means his little video games come last, his sleep cut shorter. He gets the same amount I do and he hates it, but he can get over it or find someone who is willing to wipe his ass for him. Because I was not the girl. I was raised a hustler and I stay one. I am and have always been very independent. The taste of “you wouldn’t have this if not for me” was bitter. And now it’s what is yours is yours and what is mine is mine paycheck wise. If he runs out before his next, I pick up slack on groceries and what have you but i do not buy his taco Bell lunches every night. That is and falls on him. Spend it wisely or live without and take your lunch from home. You can vacuum before you pack it. I’m a strong minded woman who has zero tolerance for a dad who doesn’t dad. No excuse for it. Parenting is a two people job or GTFO if you decided you don’t believe you have to parent because you work. Your job would be the house but the kids would still fall under his job description IDC what anyone else says. Mom and dad parent together or the one slacking gets packing.
The pressure of providing for you all may be getting to him. Having you as a SAHM is probably the model of manhood that he grew up with & if it isn’t working he may feel disappointed in himself more than you realise. Go easy on him & on yourself. Find ways to have fun within the home… Invite your close friends over for a cup of tea to catch up. Have home made pizza, popcorn or fries by the TV with juice after the kids have gone to bed. You don’t have to spend money to get your mind off the bills, the troubles of adult life or the stress of managing cash flow. Tell him you appreciate him & praise him more often… He’s supported the family this long & if you complain he may not know what else to do to “fix” things. You’re heavily pregnant so go easy on him… He is your & baby’s support. Eventually after the baby is born, let him know you’d like to start working again… For yourself. Take your time & find your way through. They eventually mature & I’ve found that we, as women, can make or break a relationship with someone who is still commited & still comes home to us at the end of the day.
Ask yourself if this is how you want to live or do you want to start fresh and raise your babies in a more positive & living environment. Or do you want to stay miserable, depressed and lifeless which is always effecting your children. Its a hard life change to make but you have to do what your heart is already saying to do.
It is easy for us to pick your life apart because we don’t live it. I would ask him if you go back to work after the baby is born if that would help. Or just start looking after the baby is born and you are healed then go back to work. He may feel like you have it easy. If your husband works days take a even job and he will be with the kids while you are at work. This should easy some pressures. Explain that he will need to feed super do evening baths and bedtime. Wash a load of clothes etc. Good luck.
It’s hard to work 50+hrs a week and come home and give a shit about everything, I say this as a mom currently trying. That being said, if you know he is going to ruin it, don’t take him. My husband hates going to them so I know to schedule things for him, like a massage, or I’ll make him us fav food, tell him I’m taking the kids out and he can stay and relax. I hate doing certain outings and he takes them and leaves me be.
But as a mom who stayed him and let him be a sole bread winner it was hard. I was resentful because I’ve always had my own money. I hated asking for shit, it made me feel like a child. So I made a schedule of shit for me to do daily, and pre made food and said fuck off and the end of all my pregnancies until the baby was 3mo old. I went back to work soon as my youngest started kindergarten.
It’s hard now, but you just need to take charge. Take charge of the house, and set aside money for you, a little at a time, but enough to do something monthly.
Stop doing his laundry or dishes or anything else. He can make his own damn dinner. Dont let him control you in any way either. Stand up to him and tell him what the fuck is up
Counceling…maybe through the church but that can be very biased. I had gone with my EX, before she was my EX. I chose a christian councelor because I wanted the “family” value aspect to be our anchor. It helped, but we didnt go enough…henced divorced. And dont listen to these naysayers. People who blame or try to shame people are just bitter POS’s. You only know your problems. The fact that you stated you guys get in fights about it, that it pulls towards finances…in my opinion means he “thinks” he is doing what is right. Im sure he can rationally explain everything he is doing. However, he isnt acknowledging how you “feel” about it. Yeah, that may be argued as lame or selfish, but it holds merrit. Im happy you havent decided to just call it quits, but that’s where this is going. And since, if this is real, that you are asking social media…you dont have the friends cheering you to get a divorce either, which they would. Its so easy for people to be judge and jury for someone they dont have to be responsible for. Anyway, you’re clearly not happy and no your’e not crazy. He may not be happy either and thats why I say counceling so you both can come together. Trust me, from experience, he is most likely content considering he is clearly getting to enjoy the “physical” aspect of being married. He may need to be reminded about the commitment he made to you the day you got married. Counceling can help with that.
Go to marriage counseling. You will find either things get better or they don’t work out. Either way something needs to change.
God they allllllllll do that. Yeah, just quit working I got this. Then boom lose their job and leave you mf struggling then drops you…smh lol sorry been there a time or two n I’m over it!!
I suggest getting counseling.
Taking care of a home and all of its duties as a house wife is a struggle, it always will be if you dont find enjoyment in claning and cooking constantly. I have been there, I have been exactly where you are.
I found my ex was cheating. I had an 8 month old and I was very pregnant with my 3rd whom was born just 3.5 months later.
I had to do it all and then I had to figure out how to live off child support while I raised my babies on my own. I moved home for a short period of time and then we got an apt and I attempted to go back to work and that was hell. Working a full time job and taking care of 5 children under the age of 5 all on my own was horrid. Devastating really. I missed my kids like crazy.
Get you some counseling. Find a MOPS group in your area. Make connections with other Moms of children your age and have play groups.
Stay married. Make a life with your kids at home but if you like to get a part time job after the baby is born to get your own sense of self back by all means, do so. However, remember, marriage is compromise. Its falling in and out of love with eachother. It’s about loving eachother through each stage of life.
It’s not meant to be throw away like that cheap plastic toy you bought your kid cause he was having a fit.
When you wake in the morning for a job. Do you walk out the house in sweats and a scrubby T with a messy bun or do you dress for success?
Make your housewife job just that. Dress for success. Make him look at you the way he once did. Wear dresses and skirts. Maybe they will be more functional, but do it.
No excuses. Make him see you but remember to see him too
He may inadvertently be ruining those things because he feels guilty that he can’t provide the life everyone deserves and he would probably never admit it either. Some guys have a big ego but it’s only because they want to appear strong and not vulnerable. I am so sorry that this all seems to be falling on you at like the worst time possible. 37 weeks is not fun. I would tell him that you are unhappy and that he must not be very happy either and that counseling needs to happen. The constant fighting is proof that you guys need someone to mediate. I am really sorry that you are in this position. I will be praying for you and your family.
Hate to break it to you ladies, but just because someone works doesn’t mean they get to come home and be useless. Happy spouse happy house. She’s pregnant and clearly needs some help. You are all some unempathetic hateful ass bitches. N I bet y’all all got a dirty sink with your high n mighty asses.
My husband was a stay at home dad while I worked. My contribution was working and doing laundry. His was to cook and clean and take care of our three kids. On the weekends I am off if I don’t have our crisis line and would help out with stuff but during the week those things were on him. I am not a narcissist, far from it, that was his role. Now we both work and it’s on both of us. Me a little more because he has to be at work by 215am sometimes and can work over 12 hours. So I pick up the slack of getting kids to bed and all of that. We only have 1 vehicle so I have to wake up and get him to work at those times but you won’t hear me complain about doing a bit more than him in the house because he is pulling his own by working crazy hours. I would suggest going back to work after the baby. Being a stay at home parent isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. Good luck to you all.
Honestly I was going to write a huge comment on what he needs reminding of but what I would do is ask him to leave and to not come back until he is ready to be in this marriage not just a part of it. Wish you all the best
Sounds like a narcisist. Leave, don’t ever look back.
All these ladies making excuses for this man because he is the “breadwinner “ is DEPRESSING!
Think about it this way if you divorce him he will have to work and care for his kids and have all responsibilities at his own house. You will also have those same responsibilities. So as long as he wants help with the kids while he’s at work he needs to help out with his kids at home and put in some family time. Stay at home mom is not a paying job so of course when we are tired of the same crap we need help and time to ourselves or we will go insane.
It sounds like he is stressed. Special occasions are an added expense, and being the only source of income, it could be making him feel a bit inadequate. I would definitely suggest marriage counseling. Marriage is hard work under the best of circumstances, but that doesn’t mean you give up when things get tough. It also might be worthwhile to look for some dates or outings that don’t cost money, and there are a lot of things that don’t. Keep your head up, mama. I know it’s hard, but if he didn’t love you and his family he wouldn’t be working as hard as he does. It may be hard, but a way to open the door might be to just start giving him random compliments and thanking him for everything he does, and be sincere. Too often, we focus on the negative and that’s all our partner hears when they feel like they’re trying their best. Look for all the good he does, and point it out to him, and be easy on the negatives for a while. You just might see a change in him.
“I love his hit at this point” … Get Out…take the kids and go to a shelter if you have to…he don’t deserve you or them babies. You have resources. There is a way. YOU AREN’T ALONE. Good Luck mama.
Omgeeee it’s like your married to my husband I left told him I couldnt deal with his anger! I told him he had to go to psychiatrist. He did he now takes meds so I came back couple months ago our marriage is so much better hes constantly thanking me for all I do we even had a party he didnt ruin!!!
I was livid when I saw the word "allow ". I’m not a kid and I will go and do what I want, when I want. That being said, I do tell, not ask, my husband where i’m going and what i’m doing out of respect. There are plenty of free things you could do with the kids. Go to the park with the kids, libraries usually have a story time for children. You’re an adult. YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK PERMISSION TO GO SOMEWHERE!!. Inform him of where you’re going and then go. He don’t like it, then that’s his problem.
3 kids on 1 income in this day is unthinkable number 1 cause for marriage breakups…
Seek the help you need immediately.
Family member, neighbor babysitter.
Attend counseling for yourself first.
Take your husband next.
He needs this help twice as much.
After the baby’s born.
Babysitter, family, friend, neighbors.
So he could regularly attend counseling without fail.
I wish your husband would see this post. He’s truly gifted to give you the gift to stay home. Some never had that choice.
I feel bad that you not only had one kid with em but yet another:eyes: he’s def not in this to help you I bet he assumes that since your stay at home he doesn’t need to help cause he’s providing. Hellll no that’s not how a marriage works
Just my 3 cents, but if he works, takes care of bills and expenses, and you stay home, then he shouldn’t have to come during the week and have do anything involving the indoors, yard chores should be his, weekends neutral.
Im a sahm and the only chore my husband has is trash and load and unload the dishwasher.
Sahm or not shit is the same…just because a woman works doesn’t mean we don’t take care of the house, we have 2 full time jobs and it is work…we have to go work out 9-5 and come home take care of kids, cook and clean it’s a job that will never end…lucky for me hubby doesn’t get mad at me if I choose to relax one day and he helps a lot with the kids…maybe find you a part time after the baby, I know I was going crazy being at home for 3 months after having mine since work is the only place I have for me time…good luck!
I love what Kerrie Barber said. And sinfully agree with her.
Maybe sit down together and make a budget. Figure out where all the money needs to go and see what’s left. With groceries, make a list every time of NEEDS (not wants) and stick to it. Look for sales, use coupons, price match, anything to save. You said you had a child, and her had 3, and now together you have 2 kids? If I’m.right, he is working for 6 kids and you and him. That’s stress and a half. I get being upset that he doesnt help around the house…but he does bust his butt working so that you can stay home, so that you guys dont have to.pay for childcare (which is ridiculous amount of money per kid). Marrige is hard. Its work. Try to focus on the good. He may say NO to outings and dates because he is so worried about money.
MAKE A BUDGET AND STICK TO IT. write down everything you have to pay for (even a $2 chocolate bar). Write it all down and see where you can cut and save money. But from thrift stores for kids clothes…they have some amazing stuff. If u want a date night, maybe plan it yourself, and surprise him. Make it a FREE date. Theres so many ideas.
What is your love language? What about his? I implore you to find out and love eachother the way you both need to be loved and all those things wont matter anymore. When you feel loved you won’t care and when he feels loved he will want to be sure you can do the things you love.
Go get marriage counselling. Both have open minds. Just from reading this your both doing your parts for the family. But learn to use “I feel this ______ when” your talking.and don’t belittle him. Saying I care and understand helos too. Try to be open and listen to each other. Life has challenges. Seek professional counsellibg that works on restoration/reconciliation. Takes two in a marriage.
Divorce. Theres better men out there that take care of you emotionally and physically and financially and mentally.
Y’all have time to make babies tho…get some marriage counseling. Obviously you both suck at communicating. You as the mother, home is your place, tending the children is your job. It’s a lot simpler if you try not to go against your duties. If he’s the one working, the only one bringing in income, he should come home to a clean house and dinner. Some women just don’t realize how important being a keeper of the home is.
“Burning Bed”. Sometimes there are people who make most of us embarrassed that we have cohones. Sounds like he needs help all right, but it sounds like he is blaming others and not accepting his role. “When the wine is sour, pour it out”. If this has been going on for a while, WHY are you pregnant again?
I’m a stay at home mom to my husband takes the trash out n off to the dump. I do everything else. But I don’t care to because it keeps me busy even when I’m in pain I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant and have 3 boys. My husband works alot as well but when he gets home he takes care of the boys and spends time with them. Even when he does have time he helps but I ask him to. Coummcation is the key in any relationship.
If he’s paying what’s the complaining? Marriage is a union, you work together for each other. If your current situation isn’t working for you go back to work and make the work load lighter for both of you! Also as a woman and stay at home parent there are lots of ways you can create passive, residual income whilst still doing all of those things.
I am not one to tell another what to do. But I am a firm believer in God!!! What God join together let no man tear apart. Hun I would not tell a soul in my family or any of my friends. I know God already knows But you have to tell him an what you want from this man an what you are willing to give this man to make your marriage work for happier days. I say start to pray an read your bible daily an start putting God first say nothing to your husband until God wants you too. Make notes an start with a small Diary. An look back over it from week to week an see an note Gods changes in him an you an in your family. I can promise you put God first all eles will fall in place.
This was me. Literally. Every single aspect. He always told me you have three kids…nobody’s gonna want you. It took me two years. I finally had enough. Started squirreling away thing I would need from yard sales…put it all in a storage unit. Pulled out as much money as I could each paycheck and just squirreled it away. Picked the kids up one day and stayed in a hotel over the weekend and looked for a new place to live. Left a note that we were safe but I was done and getting out. Wait until you are able to hold a job and have someone lined up for child care that you can afford. Look for every resource available.
Can you afford to leave him? Yes? then think about how & when to do it that is most convenient to you. If the answer is no, then, prioritize!! take care of you and the kids the best you can and leave his laundry & meals etc for him to do.
This may sound mean but get out I’m 59 you are describing my husband of thirty years. I kept thinking it will change some day it will be my turn to get waited on never happed and now I am 100% it never will! I had a good job he talked me into quitting and now I’m old and no options and it just keeps getting worse you think you’re at rock bottom trust me you’re not get a job and get out. After you have the baby! What about as parent?
If you’re divorcing you’ll be doing all those things alone by yourself anyway + working so just act like you’re single and you don’t have to work. He works all the time and all he wants is some down time itself I know because I work I live alone the three people in the house and I do it all so to keep my sanity I pretend I’m alone and just do it all myself they’re just human pets
I can’t stress enough that you should leave. I know you may feel trapped, no job and almost three kids, but you can do this. If you need public assistance apply for it, he will be required to pay child support and possibly spousal support. Ask any support system you have if you can stay with them until you can save up to rent your own place. You are stronger than you think
This is one side of a two sided story. We are not trained counselors. We can empathize but I question advice that says trash a relationship over high emotions and fatigue. You loved each other once I am assuming. Write your gripes down. Write him a letter. You need a break. Do something for yourself.
Calm down. You are tired, raging hormones and in pain. He may be a jerk or maybe he’s tired too. Both of your emotions and attitudes are on high. Been there. You are about to be parents of a beautiful baby. Let things settle before making any life altering decisions. Your children need a calm peaceful atmosphere and to see their parents love each other. Being pregnant makes some people volatile. I’m not saying anyone person is at fault. But it’s going to take both to come together and make peace. Tell him you love him and appreciate him. Stop screaming. Get a baby sitter and take some time out by yourself.
You can do good without him! MJS