My husband doesn't make any effort in our relationship: Advice?

Get rid of him he has no respect for you

Dump him and take care of you and your kids. No excuse for laziness and selfishness!

Sounds like my situation girl I just gave up I couldn’t do it anymore.

Talk to him. Say exactly what you said in this post to him

Tell his straight up what you want alot of men dont understand

Accept him the way he is or get a lawyer.

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If you are the major contribitor and are not happy, maybe counseling. You cannot force anybody to behave the way you would like them to.

Stop doing so much for him, stop buying stuff for him. If he can’t put in effort for you, don’t even try to put in the effort for him🤷🏼‍♀️.

It’s an excuse. I would leave and if it truly matters to him he will do anything to get you back. If not then you know where you and the kids stand, after his gaming :woman_shrugging:

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Eliminate the gaming. Make him clean his own mess. Cut off the sex

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Sounds like he’s complacent and doesn’t feel like he needs to try anymore. Honestly, if it were me I would give him an ultimatum, tell him you’re not happy and if things don’t improve that you will leave. My ex was like this too and now that he’s gone I’m happier, even being alone.

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Well, first off STOP treating him like one the kids. He should be EXPECTED to pay at least half of the expenses. Forget his birthday and see how he likes it.

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That’s a selfish man. Even if it wasn’t returned in kind as often, just the odd thing here and there to prove he appreciates isn’t too much to ask. He’s got used to being pampered and treated with nothing in return. Stop doing it, and see if it helps, but depends how selfish he really is. If he picks up, he’ll put effort in. If not, he’s just a selfish ass.

So a SAHM to 5 then?
Sorry I’ve had my run of lazy men who think women are there to wait on them he’d have a set time to turn it aroud or be out the door :woman_shrugging:

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Stop doing things for him, that’s how I learned that my ex was the problem because he would always tell me that I was, I’m much happier as a single mother to my child instead of both my ex and my child

Kick his ass out of your house if he doesn’t want to do anything. Almost sounds like he’s only there for a free ride.

Set him down and tell him how you feel tell him he needs to change or you will stop doing everything he can start paying bills and start spending money on you and kids

He doesn’t want to. Say that to yourself and then say it again. Think about what you want to do and then tell yourself, he doesn’t want to. If he wanted to put the effort in, he would.

Kick him to the curb. Never gonna change. In the long run you will be happier.

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Stop doing everything for him

Damn that sounds like my life

Keep trusting and believing in God. Amen

Go to marriage counseling.

Oh thank God I don’t have a man like this!

Quit making all the effort

This is therapy worthy tbh he’s a dick

Boot him to the curb!

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Did you not know this before you got married? Don’t expect people to change b/c of a piece of paper and kids.

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Uh. Leave his ass. Duhhhhhhhh

Damn. Have some respect for YOURSELF and leave his ass!!! I never understood why women allow that to happen. I’d be gone so quick!!! It’s called having respect for yourself. You set the precedence. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want or deserve. Stop giving him excuses. He sounds like a man child which is so unattractive.

Stop trying so hard and let him chase you. You are making it too easy on him. Men like a challenge, they like to chase. Nothing wrong with it, it’s not playing games, it’s asserting your sexuality in the marriage.

Nothing worse than putting in effort and not receiving any back it’s a lonely disappointing track. Have you tried women instead? Seeing so this seems to be common amongst men…… take take take…… :rofl::thinking:

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So you do everything for him? You arent his partner, you are his MOMMY!! Stop it!

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Play his “game” for little bit and maybe this will work
When u love someone u spoiled them so try to not stress
And always love yourself first and more than your husband
Everything will workout when two ppl love each other
Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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Are you his Mommy or his wife geez lol

He is an addict (gamer). Figure out why you are so co-dependent.Then proceed with what is best for you and children. Often, family must leave the addict…understand the 12 steps, the serenity prayer, AlAnon…

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That’s exactly my relationship I just cry myself to sleep while he’s snoring.

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There are giver and takers in this world. If your a giver the takers find u and drain you dry. If your a taker-go just jump off a bridge, we don’t need u. Givers, learn what a takers looks like before u jump in and don’t forget they are great manipulators.

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If you dont want your kids to grow up expecting the female to do every thing and the man nothing, LEAVE. We are their example.

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A bad husband isn’t a good dad. Dig deeper woman!

It’s far past time to start holding en, spouses accountable.

You can stop being his servent, you can forget his birthday, you can let his messes stay uncleaned, you can tell him you are tired of being his personal maid and let him fend for himself for a while.

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Then stop. He clearly either doesn’t want to or just doesn’t know how

My dad always said you kids are giver and you marry a pack of taker and guess what we did lazy butts always got the I wants and us kids we’re ok with what we have

Talk to him and explain how you are feeling … His explanation stating that you are more thoughtful than him is ridiculous … This isn’t fair to you … You deserve to be happy … Tell him that if things don’t change he will have to leave … also … Let him know that you will no longer be treating him like one of the children … You don’t need an extra child … Remember that your children are watching and they will think that you deserve to be treated the way that he treats you … Eventually they will begin to treat you the same way … Please don’t let it continue … You deserve to be treated with love and respect :heart:

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Treat him like he treats you he will either shape up and change when he relizes he is losing you if not then its time to let go. Actions are much louder then words!!

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Stop doing all that extra for him.

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Quit doing and buying

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Your house?? Tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on his way OUT

Treat him exactly how how he’s treating you and even worse. He will feel and he will either change or complain then you can take it from there. Dont do anything for him

Leave or kick him out then see how he misses you. You clearly deserve better

He’s youing you dish him

Start counseling with a professional for yourself before including him…If you belong to a faith community, does your Church offer counseling? …Many counseling services offer sliding scale…Whatever you do, pray first…

“He just doesn’t seem interested”, “makes time for himself and his gaming”, “I have to make all the effort”. Is that what you want to live with? He told you that’s who he is. Whatever you do remeber that you guys are teaching your children what a relationship looks like.

There is someone out there searching or you! Some men do not realize when they have a good woman. I’m sure you are exhausted by taking care of the children and putting in all the work. #knowyourworth

Not sure why you are asking. Reread what you wrote. Do you deserve better or not? If the answer is yes, out he goes! If not, why don’t you think so?

Does he make no effort at all? Truly? I’ve seldom seen that to be true. You probably don’t see what he’s trying to do. It might not be what you want but I assure you it’s something, somewhere. Martyrdom isn’t going to fix anything at all, and I suspect he’s got his side as well. Or (much less likely) he’s the irredeemably terrible human he’s being portrayed as, in which case leave. Question though? Does he bash you on a man centric page anonymously? How would you feel if he did? Food for thought.

Also how the hell did I get on this page? It’s man bash central in here. Be safe, and best wishes. :joy::call_me_hand:t2::beers:

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That’s sad. The statement “the house is mine” actually is very telling. I couldn’t imagine thinking his and mine in my marriage

He is not going to change. Sounds like he has the Hot Set-up! Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life??? If not it’s time for him to move on. You will find someone who appreciates You :heart:

When he says “you’re more thoughtful then I am” that’s because you put the effort into being thoughtful. Seems he’s laking the “effort”.

I did all of this too for my ex an he didnt appreciate anything to the point the man cheated on me with 3 hww an got 2 of them pregnant one had a son the other miscarried we were engaged an trying for another child too he left me friday cuz his child with the w is in child protection an he left me an our children after 16 years together an 5 children to choose those 3 w’s I caught him texting all 3 of em friday an said it’s either us or the w’s he packed his bags an left us I been with him since 15 years old our children cried as he walked out the door an ignored us ,his mother said my children were not her grandchildren that the w’s baby was her only grandchild from my ex an his father said he wasn’t going to get involved his son was a grown man, its parents like these you definitely don’t want to date their children because their raised to think of themselves an no one else like their parents do as well , sorry for long comment an can’t swear so I’m sure you all know what the w and the hww means

Next time its his birthday do the same thing to him no card no cake no presents. Not out of revenge just to show him how it feels. Maybe that will be an eye opener for him

I feel u,my boyfriend always makin plans,but never follows thru then weeks&years go by i feel like its just a waste of time

You already know the answer. Just do it.

Been with hubby almost 28 years and he’s always been a gamer since we were in highschool. I also like PS and Nintendo so I don’t mind, it’s what hubby does in his downtime. He doesn’t smoke or do drugs, he only drinks on special occasions, he doesn’t gamble or go partying with mates, he’s adores our Mokos, and we both work hard and take care of our business together. :100:
Nothing is perfect and we have our ups and downs, but we have what we need and we’re happy. Flaws and all, we appreciate the times we have together and don’t make anything feel automated or like a chore.

Love, Respect and Kindness should be Effortless… hope it works out for you. :heart:

You’ve created this monster…and asking others to help you fix him :flushed::flushed::flushed: fix yourself first!!! STOP doing things for him, he’s not a baby. STOP buying things for him, he’s supposed to be your partner, not your child. MAKE him work for the relationship….or ship him out. People treat you how you let them. Start with YOU first :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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Do the same he does don’t put any effort in stop doing it all only do for ur self and ur kids don’t cook for him don’t do his laundry nothing

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Girl, I say these same things almost On the daily. I love him too death but we might as well be single momma’s that clean the house and go to work bc he sure don’t give 2 shits to help unless it has to do w car or buying another car for his collection of 10 sitting infront of our home now. I told him just today I will never try to make plans w him bc I’m the one who gets my feelings hurt in the end and it makes me a bitch. I don’t like feeling that way so I’m going to start living as if we are roommates now bc why the fuck not🤷🏼‍♀️ I start my 6 12hr overnight shifts tonight in a row and ahh I wanted was to eat a meal w him before ask I do is sleep and go to work for the next week. I got blown off so he could go look at a truck w his buddy. I see where I stand after 6 years together and kids!

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Not trying to start a fight, Sahm typically does all the housework and childcare because the other person is at work. ( My sister in law is a Sahm) I would be tired too if I was working 12+ hours a day. However I would buy less presents and talk to him how you feel. Communication is really important here, . Or if it does not work for Sahm work different shifts? Sahm is not easy and maybe it is not working out the way you guys intended. ?I am surprised by the no interest in sex though, could it be a medical thing?

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Threaten to leave his ass if he isn’t as thoughtful as you and isn’t bothering to try he’s obviously not appreciating you or the easy life he has! And if there’s still no effort after that sorry girl but I’d kick him to the curb!

sorry but he is a manchild and you dont need to train him. you shouldnt have to ask. youve essentially partnered up with a child. household chore inequity is a form of abuse. youre also experiencing financial abuse. as a society women have been conditioned to accept the bare minimum. its unacceptable. we have lowered the bar for men so low that we were taught to believe to “appriciate” when a man is doing same as women. in reality they usually never do as much as women, they get praised and glorified if they even do half of what women do in relationships. if you really want to save marriage, give him an ultimatum, and expect him to change in matter of days, not weeks not months, because you are not his mother. personally id leave. sounds like youre doing everything on your own as it is.https://www.zawn.net/blog/household-chore-inequity-is-abuse-a-manifesto

to all the women in same or similar situations i advise you to do the same. its unacceptable that this is the norm. your partner should function like an adult

sorry but he is a manchild and you dont need to train him. you shouldnt have to ask. youve essentially partnered up with a child. household chore inequity is a form of abuse. youre also experiencing financial abuse. as a society women have been conditioned to accept the bare minimum. its unacceptable. we have lowered the bar for men so low that we were taught to believe to “appriciate” when a man is doing same as women. in reality they usually never do as much as women, they get praised and glorified if they even do half of what women do in relationships. if you really want to save marriage, give him an ultimatum, and expect him to change in matter of days, not weeks not months, because you are not his mother. personally id leave. sounds like youre doing everything on your own as it is.
i wanted to post a link to an article about the form of abuse youre experiencing however this site wont allow me. please google chore inequity and financial abuse for your and your childrens sake. chances are theyre picking up on his behaviour too and will model that once they grow up, girls will model your behaviour and will most likely be treated like you when they start developing relationships and your boys will model his behaviour and treat their partners how you got treated.

to all the women in same or similar situations i advise you to do the same. its unacceptable that this is the norm. your partner should function like an adult.
ive just realised this was posted a year ago, i hope hes a grown up now and going above and beyond, not doing bare minimum, otherwise i hope youre divorced as he will never change.