13 years??? And he is not working because? And please don’t be naive that he just playing cards with his friends. Time to evaluate this situationship and think if you really want to spend more lessons (not blessings) with this person? Staying for the children is a big no no, so if you taking care the house, why even stay with him? Is he doesn’t provide anything and you working your ass of, why being married to him? Please go see a counseling, if he doesn’t wants to go, don’t force him. Do you and you start taking care of your mental health and start making plans for your peace and happiness.
If you leave does that mean you’ll have to pay spousal support in addition to someone to help with the kids when you’re at work? I think you need to make sure he gets back to work and has an income before you do anything. He’s clearly not doing a good job being at home.
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Kick him out
Since you’re working the place you’re in is in your name right?
He doesn’t deserve to get to come home to you and y’all’s kids
The way he’s treating you isn’t ok and if youve talked about it and he refuses to work on it, leave him.
You don’t deserve that
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Sounds like he checked out long ago ! You need to take the kids and move on. Life is too short to be unhappy. A Father belongs home At night. You should not even have to tell him that ,he knows. Maybe he’ll try couples counseling but I doubt he’d go , but try !
I would ask him to move out of the motel (your home) and move along.
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Read this as many times as you need to understand that a dog could be more useful than the sack of potatoes you have as a husband. Are you serious? Not trying to be hard but come on it’s obvious…
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Girl that man’s cheating on u and u working ur ass off to feed his stay at home ass. Just tell him to leave and get a divorce. U deserve better than that!
I hear a lot of I this…I that… I I I … how does he feel?
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When he tells you that you are wrong maybe he is self projecting that he is wrong. I agree with the questions that Pamela A. Broberg said to ask. What dreams do you have ? Where do you see us/ you doing ? Do you want to continue to be a husband ? He is always going to be a father because the kids are here . When you don’t make a decision you still make a decision. Please take care of yourself by doing something you enjoy doing with yourself. Relax, watch a movie, coffee in the backyard, go for a walk, something that makes just you happy. You need to step away from the situation for a bit and breath. Counseling for yourself if he will not attend is still an option.
Male perspective: he is cheating on you.
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Maybe he’s feeling a little emasculated. I work from home and have 2 kids whilst my husband goes out to work 12 hour shift and it is hard. Being on your own all day every day. Watching the person you love come home shattered and not help much coz it’s expected of you coz your home all day. When you feel like you need a break when you get home so does he expect his home is his work. If I could get away with it I’d bugger off for a few nights too. Tell him how you feel try sharing that break you go to his friends with him or go to your own friends. Plan a date night why expect him to comment or do it. Youse are meant to be joint in the relationship just coz he’s the man doesn’t mean he should plan it all. And also us women are so bad for letting things go and not saying anything then bam we have a problem with what we’ve been ‘happy’ with them going for a long time. Try small abs little changes habits are very hard to break xx
Run. Run. Run. He’s checked out. Stop supporting his lazy unappreciated ass. Make him get a job.
Leave him you can do better
Get a sitter a join him one night.
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Kick his ass to the curb hes useless n needs to get his ass to work… n the ass is cheating…
You aren’t overreacting. Dude wants out
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Sounds like he needs time off from his job and he’s doing that after everyone is settled for the day. Being a stay at home parent is a 24/7/365 job no days off and I’m sorry bit his need for personal time isn’t selfish you work a few days a week but you get to leave that job he doesn’t have that luxury
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Ummm… This isn’t a marriage. He doesn’t work, goes out all hours of the night and doesn’t even come home, doesn’t spend time with you and you’re asking us if you should stay? Don’t hurt yourself more. What u allow will continue. He definitely is seeing someone. All the signs are there. You’re his bread and butter . Get a real man.
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You are the husband and he is the wife. Because you work now you will be paying him child support and alimony in the divorce. He kevin federlined you.
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He is a stay at home parent. Meaning that he has no time to himself. While you’re out living a life that includes other adults. The only adults he has around him are the ones he plays games with. Let him get a part time job or something. See if that helps the situation. He probably feels like hes stuck and that he can’t breath and its probably overwhelming for him.
We sit and voice our concerns about stay at home mothers all the time. But once a stay at home father feels overwhelmed people what to assume the worst in him.
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Definitely mind and body is not in that marriage!.. ur feelings are totally valid… tell him to buck his ideas up or get the hell out… u don’t need that kinda extra baggage… he is seriously having his cake and eating it… get rid… he doesn’t have any respect for u or the home. Or has he any feelings for u… he is just riding ur coat tails… u deserve so much more
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That’s no good, ask him what’s up if he can’t provide a satisfactory answer etc it’s time to lock him out next time and leave his stuff outside.
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Sounds like he wants out but has nowhere else to live
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If your husband is going out and doesn’t give a crap about you or helping, which he clearly doesn’t from what you posted… Why deal with it?? Kick his butt out. Do what’s best for you and your kids.
Sounds like an added expense and not a partner!
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Stay at home parent depression is 100% real. It’s hard for the one who stays home. Working 12 hour shifts is also hard but validate how hard his job is too. If this was the opposite roles we would all be telling her she has a right to me time and that her husband should be helping even after work.
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Are these posts actually for real ! Are people that deluded and desperate for a man. Well wouldn’t actually call her husband a man .
How can a parent actually parent appropriately if been out all night on a session! A break is a few hours in a bar or out to the movies . Not all night sessions .
All take and no giving back here . Get yourself a cat lovely lady . Be more company and useful than the knacker your married too 
harsh but true.
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I left my partner of almost 3 years and 2 kids under the age of 2, because he didn’t want to give up the alcohol to save he’s family. I was doing EVERYTHING on my own anyways. Only difference now is I pay full rent not just half, and I don’t have to worry about arguing constantly because he was useless.
Myself and My Kids are happier !
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The only married man staying out all night frequently is most likely cheating
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He’s already mentally checked out. If he has no desire or effort towards fixing things then thats your answer right there. Id start making moves to change living arrangements. Or even just time apart to see life without eachother. Could give both a reality check of what u do or dont want.
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There seems to be resentment on both sides . He’s the stay home parent so when you are on your day off he wants one too . You treat like a child telling him he’s on his phone too much or he’s playing video games. Is there any good things to say ? Like does he do a good job being the stay at home parent ? House clean , meals cooked etc . Ye seriously need to sit down and talk this out together . You both seem tired of the situation
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“Friends house” we’ve all heard that one before… some can lie pretty well.
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Be careful when considering leaving. He is a stay at home dad with no income. I don’t know how old your kids are but because he doesn’t work the court system will award him custody of the kids and you will be still supporting him and his needs along with having to find yourself another place to live. Is it worth that right now? Just stay. Don’t care how he acts, don’t clean his clothes don’t do crap for him. Seems you do way to much and he’s acting like a child.
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He lazy, and he out creeping. He got tooooo much time on his hands. Evict the bum.
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Make his ass get a job, then get rid of him. If your kids are school age he can find a job while they’re at school. He’s 100% checked out. You can try therapy if you want, but make him get a job so when you go to court they don’t hit you with major alimony.
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You and your husband need to plan a get away for the weekend to have dinner and have a serious conversation about want you both want in the marriage and where it’s going. To stay strong and loving and caring for each other what must take place. I hope you and your spouse know how to have a mature adult conversation with each other if both can’t that a serious problem… If you can…#1 listen to each other without interruption NEVER GET UP AND LEAVE! #2 write down what you want to respond too or say. #3 both watch your tone control when communicating #4 start off with pray ( I hope both believe in pray) first be… POSITIVE then NEGATIVE end up with POSITIVE #4 Apologize when something you both have said or done in the relationship #5 Always keep in mind that YOU and WILL survived if your spouse want the marriage to ended.#6 WHAT WE can do to rekindle our future happiness as a wife/ husband and family( date night is so important). #7 How do I start living as a single parent with young children to raise #8 NEVER talk negative or DOWN ALL THE TIME about your children’s FATHER!!! YOU will regret it at the end #9 Allow your children to find out on there own( if you don’t have anything GOOD to say about him SAY NOTHING!!! ( do like my mother did) JUST SMILE!!!
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After being out of situation I’m telling you ITS A RED FLAG. It wasn’t clear to see before and I questioned wether it was or wasn’t but it is in my opinion. I think it’s already time to make that change based on how “fast” you seem to jump to that but it seems like that it’s something you’ve contemplated for some time now. Sooo I guess I’m just here to say , you can do it. Leave him and if he wants to pick up his shit then think about giving him a second chance but this is a wake up call. Your needs are not fullfilled. It will only get worse, usually.
I’d would just nicely place his belonging in some pretty trash bags and when he comes home in the morning to drive his kids to school ( fucking ridiculous) tell him he’s going to need to live where he seems to want to be every night. I’m not 
I would trust the environment he’s spending all his time in?!?!
It was like that for me then one day I just had enough and I left. I felt like a slave and I’d missed out on a big part of my kids lifes as he just wouldn’t get a job - too busy playing computer and doing his own thing… Excuse after excuse… I’m not saying don’t try… I stayed for ages as the last thing I wanted was a broken home for them, but it became the better option for them and me in the end, and although leaving was the hardest thing ever… I don’t regret it for one second. I wish I’d done it sooner. I hope you get him sorted out, but there is always another way if he won’t change…x
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If he loved you he would want you to be happy.
Tell him to get a job!!!
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He needs a reality check,
Just because he looks after the kids all day doesn’t mean he can party at night.
Get therapy and if that doesn’t work leave
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Don’t be delusional. That friend is more than just a friend.
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Sorry but he’s already gone. The only reason he stays is you’re the bread winner and he has nowhere to go or money to go with. This is gonna hurt but, your constant nagging about him being on his phone when your home (let’s be honest that not the only thing you nag him about) has put him off. How many times have you done exactly what guys do and throw the fact that he’s home all day and not contributing to the finances in his face? Good luck. Try counseling
Get an attorney. File for divorce.
Urgh throw the thing away and turn lesbian
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Kick him out, you deserve so much more…
That not right I went through the same thing after 20 years he never change started to hurt me and the kids then one day I thought a bout it so in tge night I lift him and took the kids with me and then I device him me a the kids doing so much better we happy do the same please you deceve much more in your life
Uuhhh…he’s a man… staying home all day… He probably doesn’t feel very manly staying at home. He needs to be out doing “man” things like working…
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So he is a SAHD but you think he should spend every minute with you and the kids. Do you hear yourself? So he wants some time out to himself. He works just as hard as you do. He is entitled to self time.
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He needs to get a job, get up early, go to work and contribute. He does not have a routine, so he can stay up all night with friends. If he had to get up in the morning, he would not feel like being out all night. Put kids in daycare it has to be better than watching dad either sleep all day or face in a phone because you know that the quality of time can not be of any true worth. If he resists this, then he is not your partner, he is using you.
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Nope
Try counseling if that doesn’t work it honestly sounds like a lost cauSe
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Leave. It won’t get better unless you give him an ultimatum … and stick to it. If he will not compromise he is already emotionally gone.
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Tell him to get a job. That’s his first mistake. You shouldn’t be the only one working and busting your ass. Secondly, if he’s a stay at home dad, then he should be doing his duty. Not running around all night. Get the hell out while you can. The years fly by and one day you will turn around and have many regrets.
He’s already checked out. Nothing good goes on past midnight and the fact that you’ve let him treat you this way and act like this, as a married man, amazes me. He’s cheating, love. Time for him to go bye bye 
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This wouldn’t work for me. My husband will occasionally go out but it’s not a habit that happens weekly. You have some serious convos to have with him.
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I’d say it sounds like it’s time he grows up. He’ll get a real reality check if you leave and he has to pay child support! Lazy, doesn’t appreciate you. That’s a complete lack of respect!
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Next time he goes out all night have his bag packed and put outside on the step for when he do get back in the morning.
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Kiss him goodbye and change the locks
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You sound like me in my first marriage and I became the SAHM in my second. That man needs a break. I miss myself sometimes and I forget who that even was because I get so consumed with my kids. And my partner is so consumed with work. This stagnant area is what marriage is REALLY about. Hear what each other are actually feeling instead of assuming based on interpretations of actions and lack their of. It’s easy to lose each other in the redundancy of life. Sometimes you have to disconnect in order to reconnect. 
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Remember you must take care of yourself first, then your children, if you are running into a brick wall all the time, it’s time to find where the door is, and open it
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Something more is going on
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Leave ! Also -
Why doesn’t he work. He’s capable of going out all night and playing video games. Maybe it’s time for him to work and you stay home !
I’m sorry - maybe it’s just ME - but I’d be OUT OF THERE !
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Sounds like a real loser… doesnt work doesnt help at home… what do u need him for
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My husband works 12 hour shifts 3-4 days a week as well. He’s actually gone 13.5 hours with driving time.
I love being a stay at home mom…
But sometimes it feels as though I’ve lost my identity. I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I’m a chef. I’m a maid. I’m a personal assistant. I’m a chauffer. But I’m not me…and I don’t even know who me is anymore.
I’ve often found myself handing the kids and house to my husband on his days off because 4 days of having kids scream and yank on me with no help…it’s overwhelming. I’m lucky. My husband gets it. We had a period where we were both home. He got a first hand view of what my days looked like and he straight up said he wouldn’t want to do what I do every day. He couldn’t do it for an extended period of time.
I’ve chosen crafting and projects to deal with it.
But other people don’t always know what or how to handle it and sometimes choose…not the best routes.
It sounds as though you’re so focused on what you need and want that you’ve forgotten your husband is an actual person with thoughts and feelings on a human level alone that should matter…as your husband those things should matter even more.
And your feelings should matter to him, but again he’s stuck and focused on his side of him.
One of you have to be the bigger person and cross that line first.
Sit down. Try asking him how he’s feeling. Try asking him what he needs. Try finding a compromise so you both can have your needs met. Maybe seek out counselling to have a neutral party help with these difficult conversations.
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I was a stay at home mom for 7 years. Not once did I feel I needed to stay out all night. Tell him to game at home. Other then that his feelings are valid and he does deserve me time.
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Ask yourself this " would he accept this from his wife". Would any man accept this?
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No MAN should be a stay at home mommy!! And next time he went out would be the end! Don’t be stupid
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It’s time for you and your children to leave. He’s a selfish butt. Sounds like he’s got too much time on his hands. Why is he not working
Why do you women merry men where the family and married life was not their idea?? You ladies marry them and have families thinking that it will keep them there…or it will force them to be loving. MORE RESPONSIBILITY AND RULES DOES NOT DO THAT FOR MEN.
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Marriage Therapist. If that doesn’t help, you may need to separate.
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He may not want to seperate because then he might have to man-up and work for a living to pay his child support!
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He’s been cheating and using you as an ATM. If you divorce you’ll have to pay him alimony and probably child support and he’ll get the house. Stop giving him money and remove his access to all your money.
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He could just be an asshole. But, it could also be depression or burn out. Not that I am saying its right, but in our society SAH dads just aren’t accepted. So he’s probably been barraged with a bunch of crap indicating he’s a lover BC you are the breadwinner. I say this bc it happened to me in my situation of my ex husband was the SAH parent while I worked.
Or. He could just be an asshole whose decided this isn’t what he wants but doesn’t know how to get out.
You have 3 kids sweetie. I can understand taking care of your man but this is beyond me ! If his legs and hands work, he needs to get off his ass and find a job ! He doesn’t want to be around when you are so that should be the kicker right there. You are providing for him so honestly why do you need him ?
He sounds tapped out from being a stay at home parent. It happens to females so we can’t really judge men when this happens. Communication lines need to be kept open. Maybe some therapy as well.
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I would tell that man to get a job then. I’m not against stay home dads, but it sounds like he’s using you as a meal ticket. Yes he might need a break once in awhile but not every night. Plus, what about you, doesn’t he think you deserve a break. He should want to spend time with you. Tell him to shape up or ship out.
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he is not pulling his weight thats for sure . i think i would check up on the night out issue . i would make him get a job . you have a marriage of one . i would set some rules down for him and if he doesnt get with the program i would get out of this one sided marriage
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Are you sure you are out all night with your “friends”?
maybe she has another partner, open your eyes ma’am.
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Overreacting? No ma’am, kick that freeloader out, you can do bad all by yourself. Sounds like he already left you 2 years ago but without you he’s homeless. Use wisdom. If the man is staying out all night, he isn’t playing cards with buddies.
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I know as a stay at home parent it can be absolutely draining. And sometimes you get in a funk. I would talk to him about it. Make a date night goal and find a sitter and see where it goes from there. Or see if he has any ideas of what he would like to do.
My husband works a lot. And when we get the chance we also do family things like hikes, the zoo etc as well.
Stop doing that then, plan ahead of whenever he usually goes out with friends, get dressed and start doing your hair and makeup, LET HIM SEE THIS, just tell him you’re heading out and to watch the kids for the night. Go to the bar, casino or just somewhere nice and have some you time. Obviously don’t spend a lot of money but show him that you’re beautiful and deserve to be taken out. Keep doing it a couple of times a week and don’t answer your phone when he starts asking where you are, maybe even spend some a night with one of your friends. Make him see what you’re going through.
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You guys need to sit down and talk about your Love Languages. This was a game changer for my husband and I.
He didn’t realize how much quality time meant to me until we did that.
I think you already know the answer to all of this, you just need confirmation that it’s ok. A married, grown man out all night with “friends”. Give me a break. I am nearly 50 yrs old, my third marriage of 15 yrs. I left the other two for crap like. He needs a JOB and he needs to be present in his marriage and stop going to “friends houses to play cards”…is that all. Even if it was he’s a grown MAN. Of course he acts like you’re overreacting! He wants to keep playing games!
Get your kids and get out of there!
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He probably DOESN’T care if he’s with you or not ~ because he gets to do whatever he wants to, including spend the night out.
He gets to have his cake and eat it too.
And you foot the bill.
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Definitely time to move on
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Get out find a real man that loves you I was here once run girl he is using you and it can get very ugly
May I just add…airing out stuff personally on social media is one good way to make relationships go from bad to worse…from my experiences. Just an opinion everyone is different…if you can’t communicate yer differences together…then chances are the relationship is doomed. Gotta meet half way with everything
I think you’re still in love but he isn’t, he’s just using you now. Really sounds like he’s cheating on you, probably telling his girlfriend that he only stays for the kids etc. I’ve seen it so many times and I’ve been through it personally, it hurts but I was blinded by love too you’ve gotta open your eyes to the reality that you don’t want to accept. You’re clearly a hard working woman, get that bum out of your house and find someone that will love and appreciate you the way you deserve.
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I’m looking into my future here. 2 kids with my boyfriend together about 3years. The similarities are scary
Are you bitching at him all the time maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to be home ? If not it’s time for him to go . You know your answer
Similar to my story. I am now divorced. Sorry
Nope, i absolutely would NOT tolerate that.
He’s a stay at home parent and it’s hard. I’ve been both. Staying home is the hardest job. He needs time to himself which I get. He also should be making time for you. Maybe there’s something more. See about marriage counseling
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You need to kick him to the curb. He is having an affair
the man child is not going to change… at this point you … yes you… need to decide if your going to accept his behavior as is … or move on, your children are learning that this behavior is acceptable evey day you stay in that environment. clearly you have brought the issue up and it makes no difference to him.
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First of all he sounds like a FREE LOADER!!! Why doesn’t he have a job??? I would obviously leave cuz it sounds like you can financially handle things on your own for yourself and kids.
Why feel like that everyday? It’s also kind of a toxic environment for your kids to be around!!! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE
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Everyone deserves free time, including YOU. No married man should spend more time with “friends”, let alone be gone, night after night. This should never of been tolerated for this long. This is your life too, decide whether your marriage is worth it anymore, couples counseling?—if he refuses, then there’s your answer. You do it all by yourself, support yourself, kids and him already, you’ll be just fine. Added bonus is all that worry over him, his whereabouts, his lack of time for you and your family will be gone. Best of luck.
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He’s taking advantage of you. Set some boundaries, and refuse to be disrespected or he can get out. He’s acting like a child, not a father. And if his only job is to be a stay at home dad, he’s clearly failing at that. Don’t accept this.
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Tell him to go get a job