My husband doesn't seem to want to be married or have a family

My husband and I have been together for 13 years. 2 kids. He is stay home parent and I work 3-4 days a week (12 hr shifts). Last several years I’ve openly told him that I feel hes on his phone too much. Then hed play video games every night before wanting to hang out. That’s some better but now after kids in bed and I go to bed he goes out all night to a friends house. Sometimes not coming home until time to take oldest child to school. Yes there are some females there but he mostly plays cards and hangs out with his friends. That’s not my problem. Problem is after being out, hes too exhausted to help with the kids the next day. I only have 3-4 nights off a week and it seems hed rather be with his friends than doing something with me. Like I’ve sent date ideas to him and stuff. Never comments on it. Never suggests different things to do. I just honestly feel like he doesn’t care if hes with me or not anymore. I pretty much go to bed every night by myself. Weve talked about this on and off for last couple years. I feel like he always thinks everything is my fault. No matter what. I’m just trying to figure out of it’s time to actually make change for me and the kids. I love him but I feel so tired, hurt, and almost hopeless. He never sees my point of view and further says it’s crazy and stupid. But I don’t see what business a married man with children has being out all night long. Especially with the night before he had to go to bed bc he was tired…it was my first night off in 4 days…
So please tell me if I’m overreacting or if any significant other would be upset by lack of change, effort, and continuing to do things that clearly upset you then place the blame on your feelings?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't seem to want to be married or have a family - Mamas Uncut

I am sorry, but if he refuses to spend time with you, and constantly goes out, especially throughout nights, what other reason can there be besides cheating? Blaming things on you that are supposed to be his faults is a narcissist. Been there done that and much much worse. It’s time to leave. When it comes to parenting, you can’t just do whatever you want whenever you want anymore. He’s acting like a kid, not a responsible adult.


This happened to me. He was out with friends playing cards every night and wouldn’t come home until I was already up with the kids for the day. His behavior isn’t appropriate, it’s narcissistic and gaslighting. In my case he was cheating and as bad as it may sound it kind sounds like your husband is as well. You deserve so much more! Good luck mama :two_hearts:


You are NOT overreacting. A married man (with or without children) has no business living this kind of life. He’s not single.

With some men, you may need to be specific and set up a date night and that sort of thing, but staying at a friend’s house overnight on a consistent basis is inappropriate and unacceptable.
His priority should be his family.

Talk with him and give him space to be honest with you because there is clearly something else on his mind.


If he needs a life outside of the home he can work the hours you don’t. Going out once a month to have a break might be reasonable but if he has the energy to go hang out with friends on a nightly basis he needs a job .


I’m not trying to be mean, but it’s obvious that he’s def not spending the night with another guy. He is cheating with another woman.


I’m the stay at home mom that wants to “escape” too. Touched out, wore out and just want to relax without anyone bothering me. But I’ve also been the working mom. The one who desperately wants time with her family when she gets home. Both roles are hard. Give him an hour of space, and then do an activity together. He’s playing cards? Order a card game that’s funny ( I suggest Cards Against Humanity) and invite a friend or two one night a week. He needs a group of grown ups to connect with, like a work family is to the working parent. Give him 1 night to go play cards. And you’ll find that he appreciates it so much, that he actually looks forwards to the evenings that it’s just you. Humans are not meant to sit home with just kids 24/7. We are social creatures that want to feel like we all are important in some way, and have a little bit of freedom💛


So I just asked my husband to listen to this and give me his honest opinion on this situation… so I just read this to my husband and his exact words before I could even finish was "babe come on he’s screwing around on his wife no doubt. As a man I ain’t hanging out with my buddies several nights a week till the next day we aren’t teeny boppers he’s sleeping with another chick quarantee ya " now that’s my husband’s reaction to that


You deserve more mumma, start voicing your opinions… he’s never needed to do anything before, why should he now? (He’s mind)
You need to say things like, we are either in this together or we aren’t.
Set boundaries love, if he can’t then he’s just lost one hell of a women :heart:


Retain yourself a male Atty ASAP, give him the “bill”, or he can choose marriage Counseling!
A married man spending his nights elsewhere is totally not normal, I repeat it’s not normal!


Girl that chapter of your life is gone. not wasted u have children together but sounds like alot of cheating to me. please go get checked by your doctor for any. sexually transmitted diseases. But dont stay if your not Happy and im sure u know the kids can tell ur stressed and not happy. you deserve to be loved and happy move on.


You are not overreacting in any way. To me, he sounds like he’s stuck in a teenage phase. He needs to realize it’s time to wake up and be productive everyday. If you feel he doesn’t care to lose you then leave him. You’d be at peace then he’ll be forced to get a job and be independent. Maybe then he’ll realize what he lost and may or may not change.


Get rid of his ass. Had the same problem with my ex husband! He chose his friends and his (horrible) family that dissed me many times all the time! Gave his cousin love and affection more then his damn wife and it was gross af! He ended up leaving me but it was the best Damm thing ever! He didn’t care about my feelings at all and didn’t wanna be around anymore to help fix things. If he’s not willing to come home and help take care of his kids and work on your marriage and give you the things you need then kick him to the curb!


They need to know your not playing… take the kids and leave,.(even if its temporary )…
How he responds will tell you how he really feels…
But your definitely not over reacting…stay strong mamma…you can do this,


Dangg I hate to say it but its another woman


Pack them bags and file for a divorce. You know it’s time to leave that man, stop looking for another excuse to stay and make it work. A man will only do what you let him is what my mom told me when me and my husband hit a rough patch, and that’s helped me though my darkest days sometimes🖤 and also the flipping the blam on you only means one thing, and that’s he has something heavy on his heart he is guilty for. So I’m order to make himself feel not so bad for it, blaming is the easiest way. And that usually comes with cheating.


All very clear warning signs . Red flags everywhere here . U will loose yourself my love if u do not leave this situation you find yourself in. It’s not a marriage or a relationship it’s a fucking situation babe !!!
No woman wants to find herself in a situation . Sending u the strength to do what u already know u have to do !!!xx


You are better then me if my husband was going out to his friends and staying out all night several nights a week he’d be moving to his friends. If he can have all that energy to stay out all night then he can work those hours while your home with kids. An regardless even if he still stayed home in no way shape or form is it ok for a married man to be out all night. If you did that I quarantee the reaction would be way different. I’m sorry but if I was you me and him would have a serious coming to Jesus meeting and if he didn’t change I’d be gone see ya later bye. With that said now I don’t see anything wrong with a man going off playing cards or fishing with his buddies because men need space just like us moms need a girl’s day but that’s not how u go about it all the time and all hours of the night no ma’am… he’s acting like he’s some single 21 yr old not a grown ass married father…

Your husband is a lazy, irresponsible, cheater, and a conniving liar. This marriage is already over. You have to show him the door,and move on with your life.

You deserve better, in your head you now what you need to do, make a better life for you and children, give you peace of mind, good luck :four_leaf_clover::+1:

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He’s definitely cheating. Strongs Mommy, this is so sad :confused:

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Sounds like he is cheating to me… and just being disrespectful to you in general. Dump his ass and run Gurl! You already know you deserve better!!


Yea hes cheating…I’d almost bet my life on it.

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Hes absolutely cheating and using you. He needs to go. You and your kids deserve better. No married man stays out all night like that.


I’d be pissed off and suss as on him. That shiz ain’t right.


How stupid can we be

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He’s a cheating mf kick him to the curb

tell the bum get a job

Leave, he’s taking advantage of you big time. Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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He has no business out all night long.

He’s cheating and gaslighting you


Dump is pathetic ass.


Wow , this man has it made Don’t have to work ,can go out all night . Are you not doing it all by yourself ? He’s a child. He wants his cake and eat it too He has no responsibilities . He will continue to do this because you are allowing it . You and your children deserve much better .


What grown man spends nights out like that? Let alone many times a week? They just don’t do that. Not at this stage in life. Sounds like he’s escaping you at home, and not being honest with you while he’s out.

I know men who get together for card nights, and it’s not like that or that often especially… I would dig deeper, but beware. You likely won’t like what you find.
All the best to you

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You can only keep a man who wants to be kept. Not your fault at all, but sounds like he doesn’t want to be kept.


A family member of mine is dealing with the exact same situation. He won’t make an effort to spend time with the family. He works but when he’s home unemployed or just home for the weekend he will have cookouts and drink with his friends and cousins outside, play video games with his little crew, or go out play pool or have some drinks with the guys never including her and the children in his plans. He doesn’t helps out in the home because he also gets home by 3,4, even 5 in the morning one time not even getting home! His wife is tired of it, but if she talks about parting ways and filing for divorce he makes her seem like the bad person when in fact it’s her trying to put up with him and be patient with the situation for the sake of her kids. Idk how much longer she will put up with it but I am telling her she’s wasting her life while waiting for him to change.

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If he can make plans to do things with everyone but his wife and kids, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to be with you. If my husband was gone all the time, spent whole weekends or or nights away, made zero effort, my assumption would be there was someone else. Even if there wasn’t, I’d be meeting him at the door with his stuff and saying so long. You and your kids deserve better.

I was forced to be a stay at home mom after having our baby because covid hit. I was so fucking bored all the time that i was constantly on my phone and getting irritated at my boyfriend for telling me to stay home.

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My number 1 statement in my relationship and I stick to it . If you have somewhere to stay all night u must have somehwere else to live so do not come back if u are out all night and mean it

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13 yrs is a long time. Is this new behavior? The reason I ask is because I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost 19 yrs now…there have been times when I have wanted to be with friends and not my so. When I was super depressed all I wanted to do was get away from it all I love my man and my kids but I really needed to feel like I was a person with my own stuff i wasnt just mom or wife but i needed to feel like me again…I didnt stay out all night or anything crazy like that but I did start taking time for myself just me not mom stuff not wife stuff but stuff that makes me me…maybe ur man is depressed and having a hard time maybe he doesn’t even realise it he needs to understand that there is appropriate ways to do things for urself without making everyone around u feel like shit.

Just divorced my ex for this exact issue. I worked my full time job and rain the family business. He worked in the family business weird hours and then would “hang out” with friends in my garage until I was getting ready for work. No excuses and completely wrong. Move on girlfriend! He’s using you

I would definitely be upset over the situation. Try therapy together and see why he feels the need to go out etc. it seems like it’s not you but him and that he wants to do what he wants when he wants and doesn’t even think of you or the kids well being the next day . If therapy doesn’t work well you know what you need to do for yourself and the kids . (I’m a stay at home mom and wouldn’t do the things he’s doing)

That’s not a husband that’s an old teenager… He hasn’t grown up, ultimatum time. Shape up or ship out. Put your foot down, if he doesn’t want to be a husband/ father, he needs to get out of the way.

When I did things like this, i was up to NO GOOD! Something is way off

Prayers & pray for your husband as the bible says to do… God bless you honey! :revolving_hearts::pray::revolving_hearts:

IMO Sounds like he’s depressed And prolly feels worthless I think it’s time for him to get a job he needs to feel as if he’s supporting his family

Your only regret will be not ending it sooner

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Tell him it’s time you stay home and he can get a job.

Pack your stuff take your kids and leave. You deserve better. Woman, you got nothing to lose :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::white_heart:

He’s only staying so he doesn’t have to work I hate to say :cry::cry:

Get rid of him now! U and kids should be his main concern!!! U r doing your part. He IS NOT!!!

Either in it or not! And he’s not!! Any man that would leave his family for so long and so frequently, doesnt need to be married! Love him or not, you and the kids deserve more and better!! Tell him to go sleep with his card buddies and leave your home! Sounds like you’re doing it all anyway!!

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Then you might as well move on.

I think you know what you need to do. Don’t stay in a loveless relationship. Your children deserve to see the love, affection, and bond between their two parents. And if they don’t, it’s time to part ways. IT’S RIDICULOUSLY HARD, but it’s what’s best.

Maybe he feels emasculated because he is not contributing financially to the family. I would not be happy if my husband was out all night.

Well when you have a day off, why don’t you go out, if he is not gonna spend time with you then go out by yourself or with a friend, you bust your ass fir your family and he doesn’t care then go have fun

If he’s a stay at home parent that man needs a BREAK from being the go to person. Let him leave the house on your day off so he can get some much needed alone time and he’ll be a better partner and father for it

Get rid of him fast.

You deserve more mama!

What do you even need him for?!

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