My husband and I have been together for 13 years. 2 kids. He is stay home parent and I work 3-4 days a week (12 hr shifts). Last several years I’ve openly told him that I feel hes on his phone too much. Then hed play video games every night before wanting to hang out. That’s some better but now after kids in bed and I go to bed he goes out all night to a friends house. Sometimes not coming home until time to take oldest child to school. Yes there are some females there but he mostly plays cards and hangs out with his friends. That’s not my problem. Problem is after being out, hes too exhausted to help with the kids the next day. I only have 3-4 nights off a week and it seems hed rather be with his friends than doing something with me. Like I’ve sent date ideas to him and stuff. Never comments on it. Never suggests different things to do. I just honestly feel like he doesn’t care if hes with me or not anymore. I pretty much go to bed every night by myself. Weve talked about this on and off for last couple years. I feel like he always thinks everything is my fault. No matter what. I’m just trying to figure out of it’s time to actually make change for me and the kids. I love him but I feel so tired, hurt, and almost hopeless. He never sees my point of view and further says it’s crazy and stupid. But I don’t see what business a married man with children has being out all night long. Especially with the night before he had to go to bed bc he was tired…it was my first night off in 4 days…
So please tell me if I’m overreacting or if any significant other would be upset by lack of change, effort, and continuing to do things that clearly upset you then place the blame on your feelings?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't seem to want to be married or have a family - Mamas Uncut
It sounds like you’re taking care of three children.
If he is staying out all night he isn’t playing cards with his buddies the whole time. Be realistic. Go to a lawyer and see what you have to do to protect yourself and your children. Then make the decision if you want to stay or go but what a bad role model you two are for your children.
Sad, he checked out of the relationship, awhile ago… You need to make a decision… Stay, go, or marriage counseling…
I think you should try a separation bc it’s clear you are not being treated kindly and he no longer wants to listen about making plans with you. He should be an equal and help you more w the kids. Best of luck. I got a divorce and it changed my life for the better. Don’t be nervous and do what’s right for you.
All i can say is if my husband was staying out all night enjoying himself whilst I’m the bread winner and most of housework, kids etc I’d have his bags packed outside and the locks changed! He’s made his decision!
I am a firm believer in that you are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. If you are not happy (rightfully so), stop wasting your precious time!
U already know the answer to this question. He’s not willing to change, he doesn’t want to be around u, or act like a husband or father.
He’s doing these things because you allow him to. Sounds like he’s already checked out to me. Sometimes staying together isn’t always the right thing to do. Especially for the sake of the children. Move on honey. You deserve something more.
Being a stay at home parent is tiring and isolating. He may need that adult interaction where he isn’t going to be talking about his kids or housework. I wouldn’t complain about 1 night out a week.
I also like to sit on my phone once my hubby is home for a bit as now two adults are home and can watch the kids. I’ve been busy the rest of the day. I think you expectations are different to his and you need a good conversation.
You know the answer, you’re not overreacting at all! You support him, he plays games in the day and goes out at night as though he’s single! You’re going to end up paying him support , but hopefully you’ll have the proof you’ll need and some judge will make him get a job and not make you the one to continue to support him! But you need to take your kids and go because you’re just being used by this guy! Just think of your kids and yourself because you don’t need that “dead weight” around your neck!
Pack him a bag and send him on his way.
Been in a similar situation and there is definitely no changing the situation if he’s not committed to being a full time parent/husband.
He doesn’t work
He doesn’t help around the house
He doesn’t respect you
He doesn’t want to spend time with you
He says you are unreasonable
He leaves you alone most of the time
He’s a narcissist
He’s using you
Leave him is my advice. Respect yourself and stop supporting him
If he can stay out all night, why doesn’t he get a job ?
You can do better, and you and your children deserve better.
It sounds like he could be burned out from staying with the kids. Instead of texting him date night ideas sit down and have a conversation. He probably feels like he needs time away from the house but that’s something you need to have a conversation about
Better get out while your young eneogh it just gets worse and he won’t stay if u get sick I can promise that.
He’s messing around with another woman n doesn’t give a shit about u n the kids tbh. He should be out working n supporting his family financially also he’s a complete waste of space n just using u tbh. X
Move him out and change the locks on house, tell him to go live at his friends home. END OF HISTORY( his story) now you will live happily ever after and believe me so will your children 
Your not overreacting. If I was you, I’d hire a babysitter and go with him to one of these get together. I dont believe thats what he is doing. Tell him you want him to play cards at home with his friends
He’s probably not at the friends you think he’s at. I smell a woman in this mix. Now why doesn’t he work? That will cut down on the over night mess. Girl, looks like you’re going to have to move on.
Run you are making the money and he is happy for you to do it so he can do whatever he wants he should be making the money to help out. Life is not all about him and his friends
Have you both tried to get any professional help, talk to close friends/family?
If that doesn’t help, and if he’s not willing to change, divorce him. Move on. Life is too short!
Not crazy. Love works both ways and when it’s one sided, it isn’t worth the time, dedication or tears. Lived it. Hated it. Finally… eventually moved on and found absolute happiness. A team. A community. A circle. Stay strong mama!
Sounds like he’s your 3rd child lives rent and job free on your dime
I can’t understand why you’re still there. He’s not interested anymore. That’s something you can’t make him do. He either wants to or not. Your doing all the work he’s having all the fun.
Maybe be he should go out and get a job , why are you supporting someone who doesn’t want to depend time with you ,
I went through the exact same thing. Turns out he was having an affair with his best friends wife. He’s not playing cards or hanging out all night with his friend. Don’t be naive. I was a nurse working 12 hour shifts same story exactly. I’m divorced now and I’m happier.
Soooo if there are females there, but he mostly plays with his friends, what the H do these women do? Open your eyes, read your post a few more times. He diesnt respect you, you let him do what he wants, you pretty much do it all, wiw he has it made. Maybe tell him him next week you will be going with him. Let us know what happens.
You are WAY better than this
When someone invalidates your feelings just because they are unable to understand them then he ain’t the one for you.
Make sure you find a man that actually wants to be a husband and doesn’t just want a wife. Let him lose you.
It doesn’t sound like there are actually two people in this marriage, and there hasn’t been for a long time. Perhaps time to be single on your own terms?
I’d say he’s already ended the relationship and is using you as more of a financial provider than a partner. If it were me, I’d cut my losses and move on.
Seems to me you have three choices #1 counseling #2 go out with your girlfriends before he has a chance to leave even if you go over to a girlfriend’s house to sleep but just let him know what fun you guys had at whatever club you didn’t go to. #3 he’s probably already made his mind up that he’s done but doesn’t have the balls to say it out loud but I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to raise children together when you don’t like each other because you’re only teaching the kids to settle and I know you want them to be happy and they will be happy if you are. So your third option would be to part ways and coexist as co-parents and if he still can’t handle that it’s a tough road but you and your kids will be happier.
You already know what to do. Just face it head on. You have been hiding your head and heart in the sands. Get your finance straight first. Be prepared.
I don’t think he’s interested in his life anymore. Some men behave like this as a sign of depression. But he can also be just no longer feeling happy with his life. If he’s not willing to be present for you in the kids I think I would bring up the possibility of a separation.
Unfortunately with some people if you give them an inch they’ll take a mile, even in relationships. Sounds like it’s been let go on for far too long this going out all night hanging with friends after you and kids go to bed… You both are clearly not on the same page with how love and marriage works. I’d suggest marriage counseling first, and if he refuses then it’s time to find your own happiness.
I’ve never been married, nor do I have kids, but as a hairdresser and waxer people tell me their life stories all the time. When kids are involved, I tend to ask— is your husband teaching your children how you wish them to treat their future spouse?
If you have a daughter— do you want her to pick this kind of person to marry or spend their life with?
If you have a son— do you want him treating his future partner the way his father is treating you?
Because, they are watching and learning.
I would be doing a drive by at the friends house. Or get a sitter and say you want to go with him
Bet he would say hell no
I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I’ve been there myself. I feel like you are wanting to hear that your feelings are validated, which they are. You know what needs to be done. It will be better for you and your kiddos
Time to give him an ultimatum! Either he gets home by a certain time or your changing the locks, and you guys can discuss the divorce in court! He can call the cops all he wants but if you don’t answer your phone when they call you, or open the door while they are ringing the doorbell there is nothing much they can do other than tell him to find a place for the night and to go to court as it becomes a civil matter. I’ve had to change the locks on my husband for infidelity issues and they couldn’t do anything. You’re doing it on your own anyways. Leave him! Hell be the one to struggle and he still has to take responsibility for the kids and pay child support. I’m sure he’ll regret not spending time with you and coming home then. See how long his little outings last from there! Hope it all works out for you and your kids 
Marriage counseling might help. He needs to really hear your point of view and how you feel.
Sounds like he wants you to bring home a check and be the mommy so he can be the man child with zero responsibilities and no respect for you or his children. Meaningful counseling or out he goes. This ain’t love.
I think this post would be better answered in therapy. This is not an answerable, definite question. I can sense a cycle that is difficult to be broken. Please seek couples counseling and if he refuses then you need to go to individual therapy. I hope this helps!
Seems to me you accepted a role reversal. A man should be the one to be the head of the household and assume the role of of the main provider. Take that role away from him and that’s what you get. A man who stops caring for his family and goes back to being a little boy still living with his parents.
Yea U have to let him hear your final cry. Let him know the details as plain as can be so he cant say you didnt make it clear to begin with. If he doesnt want to change and isnt in fear of losing you or your children then he has nothing left for you guys. You will know right away if he wants to salvage what you have left… Dont second guess his reactions they will show firm and remember you know him better than anyone if he isnt for it and really wants it… Dont make excuses for him about it… He should not be around any other women if he isnt giving his efforts to you… So sad that some men have their lives spoiled rotten MADE for him and he still is unappreciative and realize what he has some men are dying for a piece of it! Id say this… See where he is with trying to mend it if he doesnt care about your feelings when u speak about it then girl he has lost it… Someone who loves u will hear what u say and pray in his situation u stay with him. If not theres real men willing to take care of their half of the home and be loving and adore u when he finally gets u to himself as well as your kids… People say its wrong to have another man thats not the kids father around but you have to think about the love you and your kids r missing out on… The only way to find out is to give it one more go for the sake of keeping the family together he dont want it… You owe it to yourself n them babies for a chance to live better:100:
GO FOR IT GIRL WHATS THE WORST YOU LOSE SOMEONE WILLING TO LOSE YOU GUYS OR FINDING SOMEONE WHO WILL GO TO THE END OF THE EARTH TO KEEP YALL BY HIS SIDE happy n healthy GOOD LUCK 
He treating you so badly, you need to give him a chance to change or let him go. You don’t have a partner and you deserve better plus u showing your kids what is acceptable and it not. Listen to your gut. He using you as a meal ticket. But you are allowing his behaviour. I wish you well xx
You’re not overreacting at all…I think you need to leave him. He doesn’t deserve you.
Should be working 3rd shift if he likes being out all night. Stop taking care of a 3 kid.U are important also!!!
This all sounds toxic from his side. It’s not good for you and it’s not healthy. Please do something about this. It doesn’t seem like it will change. He is quite comfortable doing what he’s doing knowing he has a home to come home too and sleep.
Sounds like time to give him an ultimatum. If he still doesn’t take you seriously, move on.
Mine hung with his aunt and uncle (elderly couple) shopped for them, ran errands, fixed things around the house… his way of showing his gratitude for bringing him to live here (15 years old) in America. That’s what I believed at first. Other than this, my story is much like your own. After 8 years of marriage I was tired of being alone all the time. He did a complete about face, now he wanted to be at home. Oh he fought bravely, but with another family on the way, his chance was over. This was how I handled it. A woman wouldn’t be able to find your man if he weren’t going to be out there where they can entice him.
Oh helll noooo! He nerds to gtfo and get a job and see how it is to be a grown man! You can do bad by yourself. You deserve so much better! Please dont waste your time trying to change him just get rid of his ass and take care of you! PLEASE! Good luck!
You need to wait for him to leave for his friends house and then put his stuff on the lawn. Change the locks also.
He is comfortable with the way things are, but you are wasting your precious time when you could be finding new love. I was in a similar situation, and it was up to me to change things. Never regretted it!
If one of your kids were grown up and in this exact same situation, what advice would you give them?
Take that advice! This is not fair on you or your children and it sounds like you need out of this very toxic relationship. It will be hard at first but you’ll definitely feel better for it in the long run and so will your children.
Been there similar circumstances but this day and age its hard starting over on your own!! Needless to say I got out and best thing I ever did no regrets but I would of had if I’d stayed!!
Sounds like he’s a narcissist. Always starting shit and then turning around and making it your fault. I married 2 of them. Divorced them too. I can’t tell you what to do, but be careful. It will hurt the kids if he is belittling you in front of them. Do for the kids.
Just by posting this, you already know what the next move is. You posted on here so your decision can be validated which is understandable given the emotional battle you’re going through. You know what’s best for you and your kids. And oy you know when enough is enough! X
He needs to get a job, get a baby sitter and marriage counseling. If he doesn’t agree, he has to go. Don’t waste your time with someone that doesn’t appreciate you.
Seems like he wants his own life. Brutal to say but honestly thats how it seems and thats messed up.
Are you in a position to leave?
Sounds like your already a single mum and he is only around when he is needed for the kids…maybe its about time you start considering other options rather than just dealing with the situation and letting it be
Time for a talk - and if needs be do it with a counsellor/arbitrator present. Is he depressed? Is he unhappy with this stay at home role? Is he planning to leave? What does he want? Be gentle when you ask as he would probably clam up like a oyster if you push too hard. Marriage needs a bit of mutual joy in each others company and maybe a bit of “courtship” and if still has outdated notions that he is “less than” for doing the most important job in the world - raising kids - then he needs to be guided to change his thinking about this. If he can’t or wont or in his heart has already left the situation then its a different ball game. How old are the kids? What to they say? They can be remarkably perceptive!
What job are you working that gives you 3-4 days off a week and allows him to not work???
Been there. If he’s not willing to discuss this with you and make any changes or acknowledge your feelings it’s probably time to start planning a life without him. Sounds like he’s not much benefit to you except an occasional babysitter. That relationship is no example for your children to see. Sometimes divorce is better. Get a lawyer first because men can play really dirty. I’m saying this from experience. Best of luck to you!
You are better off without someone who clearly shows he doesn’t care.
Just a quick one, if a man had posted this about his stay at home wife, I feel like all of these comments would be different. Yes I think he should spend time with you, if you have 4 nights off there’s nothing stopping him spending some of those nights with you. But, as everyone always comments, being a stay at home parent is also a full time job. He needs his own time and space, just as much as you do. But I wouldn’t talk to him about date nights, just arrange one and tell him you’ve booked for the two of you to go for a meal on this date or this time. He may feel that you don’t appreciate all that he does at home. But that’s just me playing devil’s advocate
Maybe he needs to go to work. Being a SAH is not easy at all. I’m not a night owl, but when I get the chance yes I leave just to be able to socialize. Maybe try counseling before just divorce, send him back to work. Just my suggestion, and also what I’m going through! 
His life is very boring so of course he needs a different perspective on life. Let him go out but don’t do his job with the kids in the morning.! You have your job and he has to supervise the kids do laundry, cook the meals, be the kids driver to school, games,friends etc. Don’t take over his responsibilities. He takes care of the kids, house work, yard,food,& driving delivery & pickup of the kids. My neighbors live like this but he recently got a dog & is now out walking the about five times a day so he meets and talks to everyone & knows some texts so he arranges doggie walking partners which he enjoys.
I think you should try a trial separation he should help you more with the kids best of luck if that does not work I suggest you tell him you are filing for a divorce don’t be nervous think of yourself and do what’s right for you xx
Went through the same situation and had a 1 year old with him. I got tired of wasting my breath and going to bed in tears. I kicked him out and have never been so happy with my decision.
A visit or two with a lawyer and a legal separation is a good idea. It might just be the reality check he needs. If he has to live on his own and has the kids half time he will have to get a job. Sadly, since he is home with them while you work you will likely end up paying child and spousal support. How old are your children? Are they in school or childcare all day while you work? Start documenting EVERYTHING right now!
So how did it even get to this point? First night my dude stays out all night without coming home, he’s packin his shyt and gettin out! If he wanna still watch the kids fine, but we’re done with all the other mess though. Because that is not how you do a relationship! He is clearly showing you that he would rather spend time with others than with you.
Yea get at least separated, see how he likes that. He’s taking advantage of you. He doesn’t work, you say he’s a stay at home dad what does he do? After being out all night sleeping. He needs to grow up or leave.
I think you are just holding on to the dream, it dies hard…time to wake up and look at reality . are you just staying because its convenient and you need him to take care of the kids? or do you love him enough to try to save the marriage, then get help…and go from there…it would be good to hear from a professional, otherwise start preparing …
Girl I literally was just in the same situation for 10 years no marriage found out he was spending time another woman after exhibiting behavior like you mentioned! You have to take control and be happy for yourself and kids 
Oh hell no… if my husband did this just once he’d be out the door in a heartbeat. I’m sorry babygirl but he’s not ‘playing cards with his buddies while other females are around’
You have a job , you don’t need this useless individual. Not overreacting at all . Kick him out, you pay everything right? He is not helping in any way . Instead of paying stuff for him maybe you can pay a babysitter with this money and you have a better life
I would be livid. He needs to grow up . I’d leave. Maybe he’s one of those men who doesn’t realize what he has until he loses it.
If he doesn’t want to change he’s already mentally out the door. Best for you to decide if he should stay or you should get rid of him permanently. I know, that’s a pretty straightforward answer…but I wS in similar situation and this is how I see it looking back. I made excuse after excuse for him.
My concern is him driving the children after he’s been out all night. Sounds incredibly dangerous.
He’s been enabled to be a lazy S.O.B
Why can’t he work too? That way, you both contribute to child raising, housekeeping & moneymaking evenly.
It appears to me that he doesn’t do a lot (bare minimum until you come home) & then leaves it all to you while he goes out alone, spending YOUR earnings!
It is possible he is cheating too … family men don’t stay out until daybreak!
He needs to shape up … or ship him out.
He dont do nothing for u or ur children while home, pays no Bill’s, n stays out all night long, hunny hes already gone, seems to me that he avoids you, n if it were me he would have been gone along time ago, also, what kind of friends does he have that they stay up all night long “playing cards”…
Does he friends not work either, theres 7 days in a week, n if he cant respect the fact that u work n take care OF EVERYTHING, and only ask for some time together on ur nights off, he has NO RESPECT FOR YOU 1.BEING HIS WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN
AND
THE BREAD WINNER…
SMH
I think you already know the answer. What does your gut tell you? Be real about it.
His actions are screaming about his true intentions! He has no respect for you and that is obvious, but it is no reflection on you, if he no longer wants to be married or behave like a responsible adult and father he needs to be honest with you and he should just man up and tell you. Or you can make the decision for him and suggest that he gets his own place so that he is free to do what he likes without disrespecting you.
Sounds to me like he has a night time girlfriend. I would kick him out and get a divorce. You are better off without him. He is excess baggage.
My ex-husband was the same way. We are now divorced after he told my daughter he never wanted kids and doesn’t want them. He was doing the same stuff. Except he was working too. But came home and completely ignored all of us and got on his stupid game.
I don’t want to alarm you but it sounds like he is seeing someone else… he’s checked out… he’s got multiple signs of being unfaithful… do yourself and the kids a favor… send him packing
He has lost his self worth in not knowing himself or being involved in his dreams…He truly may not want to be a stay home Dad and like some home wives, he may have a desire to work, find their profession and selfworth outside of the house. And being a house husband does not means he can. Just as somecwomen in the house with a desire a dream of doing something else or get tired of not being able to be out amongst people to social mature to certain levels began to become tired and bored or develop other interests. I am sure a man can too. We do what we like doing and will hang too. He is wrong for doing what he is now doing, he is wrong for showing total disrespect to wife and family but he is fulfilling his desires. He may not have grown into himself or have or can MANLY developed into manhood being a stay home Dad and who desire and will find adult interaction the best way he can…I know and read of many women who has so I cannot really throw many stones at him. He need to be honest, and the wife need to inventory herself and see if she plays a part or is a part of this. A decision need to be made on both of their behalf.
If he’s gone all night until the next morning, I think it’s more likely he’s cheating than just playing cards with his buddies. It sounds like it’s time for you to give him an ultimatum because the status quo is toxic not just for your marriage but for your children. Kids are sponges and will behave the way their parents do. Without an example of a healthy marriage to follow, they will fall into the same patterns and mistakes when they’re older. You need to be honest with your husband about how you’re feeling, and if he refuses to do anything to fix things, then it might be best you spend some time apart.
Sit down & talk with him, tell him how you feel & ask him if you could set aside at least 1-2 nights a week with you, even 1 for you & him & another 1 with you & the kids, even if it’s just sitting & watching a movie, if he’s not willing to try that, & or he puts up a fight & doesn’t want to be reasonable then you need to look after you & your kids. Say you want time apart, take the kids & go or tell him to go for some time apart time, & see how he goes on his own, if he calls & says come back then he’s willing to try if not you may need to move on.
One cannot make a marriage, it takes two. I’m sorry to say, but what you have said, it seems you know the answer to the question you posted. Like others have said, it seems like he had left the marriage, just hasn’t told you about it. You have tried talking to him, on and off for a couple of years, but it seems that has fallen on very deaf ears. I don’t know if he is trying to relive his single life? But he is trying to be the bachelor again, with out the responsibility. It is making you miserable, and I’m sure its not helping the kids either way, they are not stupid, they can sense it. I’m not gonna say there is some one else or things like that, but yes it’s time to break the cycle of hurt its putting you and the kids through, by the sound of what you have written, he seems oblivious to it all. Good luck in what ever route you choose, being a single parent isn’t easy, but being in a marriage that only one wants, it’s the better solution for happiness and will provide you and the children with the stability they and you certainly need…
Sounds like you are paying all the bills and like the other person said you are taking care of 3 children and a man should be taking care of his family
If you have openly spoken about your feelings and concerns and he has dismissed them for years as you claim, there is no going back he checked out of the relationship a long time ago. Its time for you to do the same. Soon after you both will find the happiness you deserve. one can only hold on to someone for so long before you start to feel broken, and this seems to be where your at. Girl let go, move on. Find someone who wants to spend time with you, whom wishes to talk to you, and who will hold you at night when you come home exhausted. Being in love is beautiful, but routine can wreak havoc even in the strongest foundations
Personally,there is no way in hell, I could handle that, I would have declared it’s over a long time ago,if I told mine it’s affecting me and us and he didn’t stop,don’t ever put up with the disrespect,best of luck xx
First, make sure you secure your bank accounts so he doesn’t empty them. Perhaps open one in just your name; especially for your pay checks. THEN, and only then, separate or divorce him. Bottom line is, does he support you emotionally and add to the quality of your life? And, as you pointed out he doesn’t.
Definitely not over reacting, I actually just had this discussion with my SO (19 years and three kids) he plays games or
is on phone when home, I just simply told him he needs to make me and the kids more of a priority or I’ll go find someone who will, along with some other things, I told him to shut up and listen to me, then walked out and let him simmer. he also is not interested in marriage, but after the talk he is really trying, if it will last idk 
but I think it’s worth trying. and little reminders are good too. Honestly my man sounds ALOT like yours in every way you have said.
you need to talk to him but put it bluntly, tell him you will leave cos at the end of the day what’s the use of money, work, a nice house etc without a happy family in it
Don’t let these single bitter ppl convince you to leave your 13 year marriage… Misery loves company. If you said “he always leaves the toilet seat up” They’ll be in here telling you to divorce your husband… Go to counseling not FB. GL 
Kick him to the curb and find a decent guy. What does he contribute . You are paying the bills and he’s partying every night. Time for him to go.
Is there any sexual relationship happening , if not along with everything else , I would say you need help to communicate together … maybe counselling will help …
That’s what most guys say unfortunately. It’s ok that they don’t care than being killed by those crazy husbands. If you can handle being a single mom then leave him or stick with him with his attitude. Sorry to hear your situation. Most women are all into your kind of situation so far I read here same complaints. I’ve been thru 1 too and I left. I’m happier and relieved.
My question is how is he paying for his time going out ? If I Reader this right he is a stay at home husband n ur the only one bring the beard making home that pays for all. That he is always on phone or play games n going out with friends ??? Who is paying for that???