My husband doesn't spend time with our 10-week-old: Thoughts?

My son is ten weeks old now. My SO doesn’t spend time with him. Maybe 15 min every night. He always seems to find other things to do. He has said to me more than once (after I gave birth) that he just doesn’t like babies. It blows my mind, and it hurts me because I am completely overcome with love every time I look at my son. Do I address it and insist that he spend more time interacting with him? Or is it better to just leave it be and hope he comes around when my son gets a little older? I feel like I’m a single parent on most days. And to add insult to injury, he’s got a daughter from a previous marriage who he and his mom never shut up about. I feel like I get jealous on behalf of my son that his dad seems to care much more for his four-year-old daughter than my infant son. And I worry that if that continues that it will affect him. My son is ten weeks old now. My SO doesn’t spend time with him. Maybe 15 min every night. He always seems to find other things to do. He has said to me more than once (after I gave birth) that he just doesn’t like babies. It blows my mind, and it hurts me because I am completely overcome with love every time I look at my son. Do I address it and insist that he spend more time interacting with him? Or is it better to just leave it be and hope he comes around when my son gets a little older? I feel like I’m a single parent on most days. And to add insult to injury, he’s got a daughter from a previous marriage who he and his mom never shut up about. I feel like I get jealous on behalf of my son that his dad seems to care much more for his four-year-old daughter than my infant son. And I worry that if that continues that it will affect him.


I hope it gets better. That one hurts a lot.

Maybe your partner will connect with him when he’s a little bit older and can interact more…? Encourage it but don’t push it too much. He could also be still adjusting :blush:

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Some people just aren’t baby people. I think he will come around.

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I bet it will get better when the baby can interact and play more. I’m sure he loves his son… some people take longer to connect and feel that deep love. It just seems weird to those of us that feel it right away.

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My boyfriend refused to spend any time with our daughter untill she was about 4 months old. He was absolutely terrified something would happen and he wouldnt know what to do. He had never been around babies or young children so hes clueless. He also said babies creep him out which i didnt argue with sometimes she is kind of creepy when she just stares into my soul or screams at the dark corner.

My guy wasnt too hands on in the beginning, but since our son has gotten older and less fragile (less scary to them) he always paying attention to him.

Let him alone, he’ll regret it later when his child wont go to him…hell probably get better as baby grows, gets active… dont force it.

My kids father wasn’t really helpful during the new born baby stage as they got older he helped I think he was just nervous he may do something wrong or not know how to settle them

I’m going through the exact same thing with my 6 week old. He always claims to be too busy. And when he is here and I ask him to feed him or anything like that he always has something else to do. I asked him if he wanted to give him his bath the other night and he said no, I’m not good at that. Mind you he has a 9 and 11 yr old from a previous relationship that he’s always bragging about how he raised them himself because their mom was a junkie. I’m doing it all alone too and at my wit’s end. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me…

Some people aren’t baby people. I absolutely will not hold someone else’s baby. My hubby got better with our oldest the older she got. Our youngest is 1 so she’s not quite there yet.

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Maybe start by calling the baby “our son” instead of “my son”.


I let my husband get away with saying he ‘just didn’t like babies’ and hoped he would become more involved once our oldest began walking and actually interacting with us. He went from ‘not being a baby person’ to ‘I dont know how to interact with the kids because they arent close to me’. I would definitely push him.

My husband was scared he’d accidentally hurt our daughter when she was itty bitty so he was somewhat the same. By time 6months came it was totally different. Since she was 1yr they have been inseparable.

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Honestly, I felt this way. Until both of my children were over the age of two, he had very little relationship with them. Once they turn into people with personality’s, I think men have an easier time connecting. We were joking about having a third the other day, and I know going in, I’m basically a single mom with the baby until it’s around 2. :laughing: my daughters are now 4, and almost 7. And he has an amazingly great and different relationship with each of our girls. :heart:

I’ve seen this before. Babies can make many men feel inadequate, especially in front of the baby Mom. Nurturing comes naturally to a Mom that has carried the child for 9 mths, felt it move, knew when the baby had the hiccups, etc. I found it took a little longer for some Dad’s. He’ll come around. I wouldn’t make it a stress point, as that will just increase the inadequate feelings. I would just find natural ways to leave him and the baby together. Alone. Starting with 30 mins, and increasing. Encourage each success. It’ll come. I can almost guarantee it.

I think a lot of men are like that. They just don’t feel the bond as quickly. They usually get better once baby is a little bigger and can actually play

What he said theres nothing wrong with, my first 12 months with iur baby has been really hard, im also not a baby person however toddler stage is finally rewarding :woman_shrugging:

Babies aren’t fun to men. Wait till it starts doing more and he will be just as in love


maybe hes just scared to hurt the baby since the baby is still so small

Babies find a way to make people (specifically parents) love them. He will come around don’t worry.

Have an honest conversation with him a out how you feel and that you need his help.
. But its not always wasy fir men to bond with a baby like mom… you had a relationship for 9 months in your womb… its new to him

Dad’s get post partum depression too

I disagree with everyone saying it’ll get better leave me alone parenting is not about what you’re good at what you like doing parenting is about putting the babies needs before your own and doing what’s necessary to meet their needs a baby needs to form a relationship and bond with their father just like they need to bond with their mother dad needs to step up spend more time with the baby


Some men actually dont do well with babies, which is crazy BUT as they start to talk and roll over and crawl they become more active, hes probably just the type that feels more comfortable when the baby can do more besides sleep and eat and dirty up diapers. Its hard momma, but sometimes its like this.

I guess give him tasks that he can do and enjoy which are not so baby involved- reading a book, putting the crib together, etc etc
Trust me he loves his son otherwise he would have left ages ago.
The reason he talks about his daughter is she is two and probably has more stuff to talk About - she said this, she sang this -
Newborns just sleep and drink milk . We can only talk about their poop .
Trust me when baby is a bit older he will be fine - exactly the way he is now with his daughter .
You are an amazing mum by the way - the fact you worry says so.

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Kick the jerk to the curb before it’s to late.

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Some men are scared to hold little babies,for fear of breaking it. Don’t push it. He’ll come around.

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Grab your shoes and gtfoot! This situation will NOT change.

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I wondered through the whole question if the kid was even his. Only once did she mention that the baby was his. Maybe she is pushing him away.

I feel like this happens sometimes due to fear, like I know a few dads that were like this just because they were afraid of hurting their baby or doing something wrong. Really just a lack of self confidence.

Although everyone is different. I feel like it’s hard to comment because you never know all of the facts and never really know what someone is thinking or feeling. Hopefully just try and get him to talk more about it

I would address it from a “do it for me; I’m exhausted and need help” perspective. The bonding will come with time.

Is it his baby, or your baby and he’s a SO not biologically related to baby?

Tell him how you feel, but ultimately he is the one responsible for his relationship with his children.

It’s different for men. He didn’t carry that baby, mom did. A mother has the privilege of housing that child, many moms become deeply bonded to the baby long before it’s born. Men can be involved with the pregnancy, but they don’t begin bonding deeply until baby is born. And yes, some people don’t do well with babies :woman_shrugging:t3: but it gets easier as they become better able to interact. I would suggest talking to your SO if you need more help with the baby, but if it’s only bonding you’re worried about, it will come

Not everyone is comfortable with newborns. Some men is infatuated…some just doesn’t know how to “man handle” a newborn…and some just don’t think a newborn is “interesting”. It takes time for them to adjust…give it time. If it troubles you…try to communicate with him. They really don’t know what to do with this little fragile being that just cries when they hold them.

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I wouldnt worry too much. My hubby has always helped with bubbies for feeding and changing but doesnt go out of his way to hold them or anything. Once they start to giggle and respond when he plays with them he spends heaps of time.
Weve just had our third 5 months ago and shes starting to interact a lot more so she gets more of his attention.
He says babies are boring which doesnt bother me because babies is my favourite part so I’ll gladly hog all the cuddles. Once they can enjoy it hes super playful with them :slight_smile:

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My husband was not all about the infant stage either and got better and better as he got older. I get that he may not be super comfortable but he needs to learn and improve. It shouldn’t be all on you. I tried to give my husband ideas of how to interact with the baby that were easier and then build on it. So if hes not great with cuddles then maybe he can do tummy time every evening while you have a shower. Put him in charge of bath time. Or something to boost his confidence in his skills. And you should never feel like a single parent. He better be helping with other things like cleaning and cooking lol.

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Did he act like this with his daughter or is it something new? Some dads just don’t know what to do with a small baby (not that it’s an excuse). Maybe try to nonchalantly get him to interact more. My husband was in love with our kids as soon as they were born. But I have seen other men just not be that into the kids at the baby stage then when they start interacting more and doing more things they spend tons of time with the children. Some men also don’t bond as quickly with babies as the moms do.

I’m so sorry you feel this way. It took my husband a little time to warm up as well. I checked in with him and he just said he honestly doesn’t know what to do. So I started asking him to do specific things, “will you hold her while I get her bottle ready?” “Will you go change her diaper?” etc. Some guys just don’t think to say “here let me help” especially when it comes to babies. Now my girl is 7 months old and he LOVES playing with her and crawling around on the floor with her and just spending time with her in general. Tell him how you feel. Open communication is so important. If he doesn’t attempt to make a change, then that’s different.

Something you might want to talk about before you had the baby??
If he was like this before you can’t expect him to change now


My husband wasn’t comfortable holding our babies until they were a few months old, he’s a big guy and thought he would break them :woman_shrugging:t2: but now he is very involved in all the kids, even my oldest son that isn’t biologically his, I think In general men aren’t as comfortable and good with babies as we are.

You should address it and seriously talk to him. If its his child he should ba part of his life and if he doesnt want to make the effort then leave. Because your son deserves to be in a house full of love… Not love and rejection.

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Honestly I think most men are afraid of breaking the little one. Once your baby is a little bigger and “tougher” they’ll be alright.

I’m not a baby person. I did much better when my children were over 1.5 years old. Babies are boring and needy.

I hear this often. That men don’t enjoy the newborn phase
Maybe and hopefully, he will come around when baby is about 6-9 months.
But I would absolutely bring these concerns up to him
Or just hand him the baby and a bottle and say “I need a bath, you enjoy some father/son time”

I’m not sure I would force him, that is how you end up with a shaken baby or something else horrific. You made a baby with someone it is your responsibility to be a parent. If you don’t “like” babies why would you have a child? Maybe you should have discussed this before you had a child with him?

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Lol sorry this was my hubby at the start of both our kids lives he didn’t really want much to do with our first cause he was so scared of her being so little and fragile, once she got bigger and more sturdier he would and still does (she is 3.5 now) roll around and play with her, with our son same thing he would look after our daughter and i had our son, once he was past the newborn he might break stage hubby was all into helping and playing with him etc. Personally i would talk to him find out why he doesn’t want to spend time with bub, it could be as simple as he is so small he is worried he will hurt him and will probably be more hands on once bub is bigger and can interact more

I believe your SO will get more involved with his son as he becomes more active. Sad that he is not interactive now. But if he is involved with his daughter and this involvement is hurtful to you make sure he understands how this makes you feel. He might be clueless.

It’s maybe more the fact he scared to hold him incase he hurts him not that he doesn’t like him .

I learned the hard way that you cant force someone to be a father

I am 75years old and I say give it time. I happen to love babies but I know many women and men who could take or leave them. Not unusual

mothers feel a different kind of love then dads do,after all what can a 10 wk old do? im sure after he gets bigger dad will show more attention when he smiles and giggles and does cute things,right now hes showing love by providing for him give him time

Is a forewarning! Men bond with their babies notice I said men! Therefore is he isn’t bonding don’t expect much going forward. Address it now before you become overwhelmed,he should be helping you the most at the point

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Maybe u should talk to him about it ?
Dads can struggle as well as mothers, he might be worried or feel like u will do a better job with such a tiny human.
U need to talk to him about it and see what’s going on.
He might have been exactly the same with his daughter xx

He will come around as he gets a lil older. But make participant in taking care of him

what was he like when the 4 year old was a baby?

Maybe he’s afraid of tiny frail baby.

Not all men like babies. Move on from it and learn to accept it. I personally hate the toddler phase and will do anything to stay away from them. Not everyone has to love every phase of life. Doesn’t mean it’s a lack of love for the child.

My daughters ex was this way. He moved out and has never seen his daughter since. He never even came to her 1st birthday party. In fact he hasn’t seen her since she was 11 mos old. He ghosted everyone. Never even ask about her when my daughter saw him in court last month for child support. Her fiance now loves her to pieces. Please think long and hard about your relationship.

He isn’t helping with him? Changing diapers, rocking him to sleep when he wakes at night? He should be helping you with him.

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Babies are annoying and not something men really like to be around but if you say it out loud you’re a dick. Hell come around once the kid starts to get a little older

If he doesn’t like babies why is he having unprotected sex.i think he’s an idiot

My husband never spent as much time with the infants until they were toddlers. Sometimes it is harder for them to bond with tok ny new babies. Give it time.


Some men find infants challenging. I would encourage their 15 minutes be skin to skin and call that good enough for now. Let their relationship build on it’s own.
And Momma, no matter how much he helps, it’s gone feel a little one sided for a while. Give it a couple years.


My SO flat out told me he wouldn’t hold our son much until he got older because he was afraid he’d drop him. He was scared he’d either drop him or hurt him. He did the same thing with his daughters. Once he was 6 months old he got where he held him more. He’d change a diaper every now and then. But 90% of the time it was me. The other 10% were his daughters lol.

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your SO is an asshole. tell him to help out and bond with his son or he can gtfo


Men get postpartum depression to, I’d try to be helping and understanding that maybe he is depressed and struggling to bond.


My husband was the same way it was difficult… now my son is 6 months and he cant wait to bond and play with him.

He sounds like a right dickhead. I’ll bet he didn’t have any complaints at the conception. He needs a good kick up the arse!


Some men just can’t do babies. A lot of guys I know weren’t real involved with their newborns/infants but after about 6-9 months became very involved once they were bigger. I would say give it some more time


My SO adores our son.(5 weeks) We had 2 girls before and he is a great dad, but something about having a boy, he is always holding him, talking to him etc. Definitely need to try to encourage more bonding

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Most men are like that with newborns, with our first he wasn’t home due to work so I made him hold her anytime he was home, our youngest he helped so much more right away

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Like babies or not, he should be helping you which would mean him dealing with the baby… that HE helped make. I would absolutely insist he handle baby and spend time with him. Because at the end of the day, whether he likes babies or not doesn’t matter anymore. You didn’t make that baby by yourself so you should not have to deal with everything on your own.


Dads and moms are wired differently, moms usually bond with the babies more easily than the daddies, it’s how we are made. Dads take time, they need to learn how to start the bond then it will be easier. My husband honestly expected our first baby to come out walking, talking, playful, fun, etc.- he didn’t realize that it would be a couple years until all the real fun started. For men it’s a reality check. Give him time, encourage him to interact with your baby more, feed, bathe… the fun bonding moments.

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My husband has a difficult time bonding with our daughter too… but he’s absolutely amazing with my 2yo son (not biologically his). I really think that men have an easier time connecting when the kid can actually interact with them

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It’s a bit challenging for dads. Us moms, we adapt as soon as we’re pregnant. Give him a few months and I think once little man is more alert and engaged in things daddy will start coming around. Don’t rush him into this, slowly bring him, encourage him with diapers and little things to do so he still feels needed even though hes not fully connected to him. If you push him, belittle him or throw fits, he’s gonna have a really hard time being around you and that will cause more damage to yours and babies relationship

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My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship and he and I have a son together (same age difference!). My husband showed zero interest in our son unless I pretty much forced him to hold him, rock him, feed him, etc. it broke my heart. Pretty much the day our son could sit up and started playing with toys, eating solids, communicating with us etc my husband has been SO involved and hands on with our son. We had a talk about it not too long ago and he told me that he truly had no idea what to do with a newborn and that he would never purposely ignore him or favor his daughter over him- he just was nervous and uncomfortable and didn’t know how to show our newborn affection. It was really hard and I know exactly how you’re feeling. Prayers he’s just in the same boat my husband was in :blue_heart:


When my son was born, my husband didn’t do too much with him. He helped if asked, but didn’t just pick the baby up to hang out. I was concerned that he would be a distant father. (Nothing prior to this raised any red flags in regards to having kids.)
My son is now almost 13 and we have 2 little girls. He is hands down the best dad ever. I couldn’t have picked a better one if I tried. Babies intimidated him. Once they became a little more sturdy and were able to interact a bit, it was game on. He also improved with infant care/confidence with each kid. It is possible that he will get more involved as the baby gets older. Good luck!

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My husband really didnt either. I mean obviously hed look at him and be vocally involved but as a baby baby. Not really. He held them but was scared to hold both our children when they were babies “as most men seem to be”. To some extent.
When we had our first i was dead asleep at the hospital. I woke up with a rude but conserned voice hollering CELINA!! I was really pissed i just thought he would want me to rest after everything. Now that its later on down the line i think he was nervous as a new dad and felt more comfortable with me handling it. Theres a difference between just throwing it off on you and being scared nervous whatever about tending to a baby. I can definitely tell now more than i could then. No interaction at all is concerning but as well as many other moms experiences my husband didnt participate too much until they became toddlers. Im starting to think its a man thing.
Just rest easy dont overthink your hormones are still getting together. Just be patient with him and yourself. Im sure its not intentionally favoring his daughter over his son. Shes older and able to interact. When he gets older and is able to run around with his sister you’ll see a look in your husbands face that will prove this whole thing wrong. Best wishes to you. And happy holidays.

Infants are boring, what is he supposed to do with the baby to please you? Like once the diaper is changed and the baby is fed all he could really do is hold the kid. He probably doesn’t know what to do


I think it be best to have a serious talk with him. No one knows whats goin on in his head better than him. Just talk to him about it and be open minded. This is something you two need to work out together. Everyones situation is different.

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Most men feel intimidated by small babies. Once babies get older they get more fun. After my second my so did a lot better than our first.

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My daughters father and I lived together until a little after my daughter turned 2… but as an infant he took care of her for the first 3 days while I was in the hospital, but after that he worked all the time and he would give her baths 2x a week and put her down for bed. Literally nothing else. Now that she is 3, he enjoys more time with her… but from birth to 2 yrs he hardly did anything. Wouldn’t feed her or anything, just the baths and bed time. It was frustrating and I felt like he didnt love her as much as I did…but when we broke up he got way more involved with her (not suggesting to break up at all) and it totally erased any inkling I had of him not loving his daughter. He just wasnt much of an emotional person and wasn’t good with babies. He would hold her from time to time, but his parenting style was different - he didnt wanna hold too much because it would “spoil” her…etc - so I accepted that. Now it’s like hes a different dad and he can do so much more with her than when she was younger.

The baby is young yet…give him time .My ex was great with our son when he was a baby,but he also had 10 nieces and nephews so he was used to babies. Most men arent. Enjoy your bonding time with your son.your SO will come around when hes ready!

It takes some men longer to bond than others, infants mostly rely on mom, so I would give it time and don’t give up! :kissing_heart:

Communication is the only thing to help this problem, not a strangers input.

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Honestly, give him time. Maybe when his daughter was an infant it was the same way. However, he should help you and pick up some of the slack around the house. Maybe hes intimated by baby stuff but he should be helping in other ways

I can tell you that my Dad is was the sweetest man in the world and loved his grandkids, but when they were babies, he didnt interact as much with then. Some men are just like that I think. Give it some time and maybe ask him if there is anything you can do to support him? Best of Luck to you :heart:

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I am a mom of four, but…I dont like babies. Honestly, I was happy to cover their basic needs, fed bathed and changed, but just sitting under an infant set my teeth on edge. Their Dad and family did that. I took over with them as toddlers. Once they were mobile and talking … I get it, and understand him.

Uhm my husband dont really intersct with the babies till there old enough to like walk lol hell change them but thats about it. N if I ask watch them while I shower he does but yea…

Run!!! I stayed for way too long because I didn’t want my son to grow up in a broken home but trust me they adjust…

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Im on the fence with this. I dont like holding babies either…but my OWN…YESSSS!!! Was he shown how? Maybe he has anxiety about hurting or dropping, and needs some guidance or maybe its an actual phobia. I would give him time but if hes not bonding/holding him as he gets older its bye bye hubby!!

Take your baby and leave and never look back.

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I don’t like babies either. I have never changed a diaper and I first held a baby about 5 years ago. I’m 61. I do however love kids. Once I can converse and play with them it’s completely different. I am honorary aunt to a bunch of kids and I love it. Give him time.

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I know I wouldnt put up with this shit.
Idk why moms become the default parent.


I know exactly what you’re talking about but my son is 9 months now and it’s still the same I’m getting really close to just being completely done if I’m going to feel like a single parent I’m going to be a single parent


Some are good with little ones some are not. My kids dad wasn’t involved much with helping with them but he started helping more in other areas. He helped with the older kids and helped out around the house more. I was a bit upset my self but I let it be. He has an amazing bond with our kids. After we stopped having kids he still don’t like holding or attending to the little babies to this day. He will if he has to other then that he wont

My hubby had no clue what to do with our son when he was born, I think he was genuinely a bit scared to handle him. It got better as he got older, and bigger. Now he is a super involved, loving father. I would just give it time, maybe speak gently with him about his reservations❤