My husband doesn't think I am fulfilling my "womanly role"...thoughts?

My husband thinks I’m not fulfilling my “womanly role” by not organizing our kitchen/pantry. I’ll admit, I’m not a very organized person. That’s something I struggle with… so I asked my husband for help so we can organize our pantry together and he responded by saying he doesn’t feel it’s his role as a man to have to organize the kitchen. He then proceeded to compare me to my female best friends and how it’s clear they know how to organize and have a good handle of their kitchen. For some reason this comment hurt me to the core. I admit I need help in this area but he didn’t need to take it that far. We moved into this new home in December 2021 when I was very pregnant. So pregnant that I gave birth literally the day after we moved into the house. Needless to say, unpacking and organizing anything was last on my priority list. My family helped unpack all of our boxes and just kind of shoved things in the kitchen. I’ve tried to organize here and there since then but it’s very hard to dedicate the time to do a big organization project with a baby…Not sure why I’m venting all of this out on this forum. I guess my question is, has anyone had similar struggles with their spouse? Am I in the wrong for not having a handle on my kitchen? What can I do to improve? I don’t think I’ve felt this inadequate in a long time

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't think I am fulfilling my "womanly role"...thoughts?

If the kitchen isn’t “his place” then he doesn’t need to worry about how you keep it!

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This isn’t 1950 anymore! Marriage is a team effort. He sounds like a turd! That’s putting it lightly!

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You could try to watch Home Edit on Netflix for dome ideas!
Once you are organized you have to maintain!
Good luck :+1:

:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: how often is he in YOUR best friends kitchen? Why is he comparing you to her? If he is so worried about it he can help you

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If he wants it done he can do it. House rolls don’t have genders. F him.

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If he is that concerned about he can start organizing!!

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My husband helps me a lot. Plus he’s more organized than I am. We share household responsibilities.

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Tell him to effffff offfff

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Tell his ass to do it then

There are no womanly roles and no manly roles. If you live in the house it is your responsibility to maintain the house. Each person who gains benefits by living in a house shares in keeping up the house. Everyone contributes in household duties, even children. Oh he doesn’t want to?..he can go live somewhere else.

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Try to do one thing at a time. You’ll get there. Tell him if wants to eat get his ass in there and help. Don’t take no shit off of him. You have a new baby. Men really piss me off and I won’t stand for them mouthing because I can throw it right back.

Anytime I need to get a major organization project done I make my kids dad watch them because I CAN’T do both alone. He either helps organize or he watches the baby but he can’t opt out of both cuz I’d rather be single at that point.

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I personally would tell him to go F himself.

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If it’s bothering him that much, he needs to do it himself. It sounds like even if you did organize it, he’ll find a way to complain about how it’s done wrong

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Sorry but your husband sounds like an ass

Tell him mind baby for the day and organize it himself u go pmper yourself. See if he can do it then cheeky shit

How about he does it or gets the fuck out of the house? What a pos

It’s very simple, if it bothers him so much he can fix it himself or just shut the hell up about it. His role is to help support you and he’s not doing his “husband duties”.

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You tell your husband that if he doesn’t like it then he can do it himself. Why on earth are you taking these insults from him?
I would tell him to go f himself.

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I have had guests that have come in and took time to reorganize my pantry lol seriously … I’m that bad I guess but hey I, I know where everything is lol

He sounds like a jerk

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My kitchen isn’t organized but I know where everything is at!

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Ask him what his manly roles are?
Tell him he lives there too, if he wants something done do it!

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He’s pretty rude he wants a doneso bad he should do it

That’s a womanly role! Some of these post make me so HAPPY I am not married anymore

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The fact that he compares you to other woman is sickening. Ask him to have his bestfriends over to do it :slight_smile:
Id have 0 motivation to do anything for him if I was being compared to other people…

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I have the same problem

Eww what lol. Over an organized pantry lmfao. Sounds like he’s projecting

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He’s being a jerk. I think if you ignore him and his poor choice of words and attitude…organizing the kitchen by taking it one day at a time will help you tremendously. Just pull everything out and organize it and then put it up the way you want it. Don’t try doing everything at once…pick a task everyday and do it. Make lists to start if that will help you get organized in your head. Most of the issue is you have a baby and everything else is just overwhelming. Most of us get that…it does get better. Also…tell him to grow a pair cuz a real man doesn’t need to define manly vs womanly duties, they just help out where it’s needed. It’s called sharing responsibility…he might wanna look that up if he can’t figure it out

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Throw the whole man away.

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Girl, leave now. He sounds like a misogynist.

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He shouldn’t be comparing you to your friends. That’s weird. Ask him if he’s going to care for the baby, while you get the kitchen organized. Honestly, he sounds like one big red flag.

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Tell his ass to go to some yard work.SMH

Man, my husband and I love organizing and rearranging together. It’s his house too so he should pitch in.

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Remond him of your roles and how they change with the baby

Wow!! If he isn’t willing to help than that’s on him. Tell him to get over it or do it himself

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That’s screwed up. I’d bring his friends over to help since he doesn’t know how

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Lol you can tell your husband that the kitchen isn’t just for women and he can get off his ass and do it if he wants I done. Either that or he can sit with HIS child for a few hours WITHOUT help so that you can do as he’s demanding.

How about ask one of your friends to organize the kitchen when your husband isn’t home. Don’t tell him who did it either.

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So he can’t do it or help you do it because…? Have him pay babysitter so you can take a day to do it, better yet pay someone else to do it .

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Did he fulfill his “manly role” and build that house you just moved into? :thinking:

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Invite my sister to ur house … she cant help herself, she will alphabetize everything in ur pantry … lol

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Simply tell him to pick a weekend that he can take care of the baby… the entire weekend… and you’ll be happy to organize the pantry.sorry to say this but he sounds like a real dickhead :woozy_face:

He needs a handle on his mouth! You do the best u can and take your time.He can step up if not happy with it.

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Tell him to go build a time machine and hop back a century. Blimey! A mans place isn’t in the kitchen? Tell that to the majority of the worlds most famous chefs.

Sounds like his “role” is being an ass. Once you organize the kitchen, it’s going to be something else.

He sounds like he suck’s exponentially. Period.

A marriage is not 50/50 it’s 100/100!!! You had a baby, his baby does he help you with that? He could rearrange the kitchen or help you do it. Nothing is all one person’s responsibility!

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Put up a “Closed for renovations” sign on the door or wherever visible (because it must be really bad if he’s pointing it out, right? ) and don’t open a cabinet or drawer until you’re in a better place to tackle the task. Then order takeout for EVERY meal. On his card. Either you’re off the hook for a while or he gets tired of the expense and has to help with something he’s completely capable of while YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEWBORN. Because even “womanly duties” are prioritized. :kissing_heart:

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Just ask one of you ‘very organized’ friends to come help you with the pantry one day. Y’all can pull everything out & put it all back nicely.
Not necessarily cuz he asked you, but you’ll feel much better when It’s all nice and neat :blush:

Me personally, I don’t count on my husbdnd to do those kinds of things. I handle the kitchen & all other organization! Im not great w it but I do it :woman_shrugging:t2:

He sounds like an asshole :roll_eyes: it is his house too he lives there too he should help out around a house that he lives in also.

Not ever woman is an organization master. Actually I know or (use to) a woman that was a mess. Literally EVERYWHERE and I was paid to clean & do it for her. I’m one of those that clutter & chaos bothers me, so if you can find a friend and ask for some help and maybe give what you can afford to cover the task. My husband is not messy, but doesn’t organize either because I do it BUT he damn sure wouldn’t say any of that shit. It’d be a bad idea cause he’d come home to a real mess. The nerve of some men I swear…good luck with that 1

Since “he” doesn’t like it, “he” can do it himself or shut the h up.

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Wow well to start that comment would hurt me also what an ass. I can organize but me and my whole family are very messy people so it just never lasts for long. My suggestion is tell him your a team and if you both organize than he will also be able to help keep it organized knowing the work it took and also knowing where everything goes. And then my other suggestion is picking part of the kitchen or pantry don’t overwhelm yourself pick a section and do that today and then do another part tomorrow or the next day. :heart:

Ask for custom made shelving. He should be open to fulfilling his husbandly duties. If he says no, bring up sexy videos of other husbands doing it. And leave that jerk.

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Smack him with a box of cereal and go watch Netflix :fu:

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I’d smack him and leave him with all the cooking and cleaning lol

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Compare him to some of his friends, does one of them make more $$$ ? Perhaps he should “ManUp” and hire you some help with said organization while you take care of the baby. He’s a dickwad!

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Tell him to do his man duty and take care of the baby while you do other things

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Tell him to turn in his man card. The kitchen is my domain and my girl respects that.

Tell him his guy friends keep up on … other things… better than him.

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We aren’t in the 50s anymore. Womanly role? What the heck. You take care of baby and when you can get to it, get to it. But, being a mom means already having a lot to do, especially when you can only get it done in your free time. You have to pick and choose what to get done during naptimes and such. And then, when do you get a chance to relax and take a second for yourself? Don’t be so hard on yourself, you both live there, you both make messes. If anything, he should help out more instead of expecting you to do it all.

Don’t beat up on yourself. I’m sure it’s overwhelming and sometimes it takes another person with you to at least offer suggestions. I am the worst organizer. :laughing:

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Get a friend to help you or pay someone to do it tell him u did it!

Your husband sounds like a tool. He can get up off his arse and help. This is 2022 their are no gender roles in the home anymore. That’s split 50/50 and comparing you to your friends is NOT okay. Why is he paying enough attention to them to even be able to make a comparison? I don’t like it.

Seems like he’s failing in his “manly” role of helping around the house that he also lives in. I’d kick his sorry butt to the curb.

You need to get some good, paid help with this. Right on, Scarlett Florez!!!

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I think that, if an unorganized pantry is your biggest worry, then you’re doing pretty good. It is no more your place to organize it than it is his. But, if you are the primary meal maker, you probably want to do it so that you know where everything is. Just spend a few minutes each day on it. Don’t get overwhelmed. :yellow_heart:

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Hire a professional organizer hand hubby the bill when they are done :blush:

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Tell the fool organizing YOUR kitchen, is not high on your list of priorities. If he says it’s his kitchen too, tell him to organize it while you take care of…HIS CHILD!!!

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Umm no… he can do it his damn self if it bothers him lol no way would that comment slide

You’re husband is a very self centered jerk. Maybe you shouldn’t cook dinner until you get organized.

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Is he performing all of his manly roles to your expectations jeez.

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My ex complained with how I was putting up his laundry (he was super lazy…). So I threw them on the floor and stopped putting his laundry up for him since I didn’t do it right. My ex always told me to make him a “sammich” which I didn’t do either. :joy:
If my ex said something like that to me especially with comparing me with others, I would to start nitpicking him, and stop the “womanly” roles until he does his “manly” roles to my picky standards.
My current husband is amazing and we are a team. If I’m tired and can’t cook then he will cook, etc. It’s really nice being in a relationship where we are a team and will share responsibilities instead of the nitpicking b.s.
With that being said, ignore his attitude. If he continues with this donkey attitude then consider going on strike. If he’s hungry he can have tv dinners since the kitchen is so unorganized. If he has laundry to do, well he can also do that. If you happen to do his laundry, maybe hide his socks and boxers in random areas throughout the house.

Tell him to kick rocks with flip flops on

Microwave dinners for the next month :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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Your husband sounds like an asshole!!! Good luck with that :slightly_smiling_face:

Tell him to bite you and move on

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The audacity of that man :woman_facepalming:t2::grimacing: he can do it him damn self and don’t ever take chit from a guy who says “womanly duties “ :woman_facepalming:t2:

I feel this my husband says I’m a terrible house wife cleaning wise. I have 3 kids 2 live with me full time 2 and 5. I clean all day long and you can never tell because my kids destroy it as soon as it’s clean. Also I hate the kitchen. I may slack sometimes. I also work 40 hours a week as well as my husband who works full time. I try not to let his comments get to me. I also know deep down I could do better cleaning. I’m working on it. Good luck to you.

Tell him he’s not accomplishing his “manly role” either. Keeping his mouth shut

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I read only the title. And I’m here to say, he’s sexist & you should tell him he’s a misogynist… tell him to do it. …& you should leave him. That red flag is one that ends relationships. That is all.

Let me start by saying we bought a house almost 2 years ago and there are still a TON of boxes in my basement that need to be gone through, and I don’t have a baby. House care is a duel responsibility. My husband is a SAHD, I don’t expect our house to be perfectly organized or anything, neither one of us are great at it.

My husband knows better. He knows that if he thinks he can do something better he welcome to try. If he isn’t willing to make the change he keeps his mouth shut. I’ve been struggling with health issues for years. My husband has taken over the majority of the cooking. I consider the kitchen his territory now. He has redone cabinets and the pantry to suit his choices. What works for one may be different for another. Tell your husband he’s welcome to give it a go. If he chooses not to, he needs to work on keeping his perfectness to himself.

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Ask if he’d like to hear his inadequacies and make “yikes” face!!!
Hire someone to help or ask a friend! We all have shortfalls, take them with grace mama!

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Obviously you wanted it organized, because you are the one that brought it up. So I would just start with one shelf at a time. You will be pleased when you have completed it. I hardly think it’s worth leaving your husband over…

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Make him cook his own meals. Don’t step foot in that kitchen to cook for anyone but yourself and your kid(s) until he sees how much you actually do in that kitchen and from how he seems probably the entire house. Hes a “man” well that man can take care of himself until he learns to help his wife!

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If he wants it done than he can do it. :thinking:

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Your husband didn’t ask you to help organize furniture, put beds together, organize the garage or storage buildings, mow the yard…… just the kitchen, perhaps he too is overwhelmed. Tell him you need help with either the baby or kitchen. He is probably Is feeling too much on his plate with the move and job responsibilities.

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Hire a professional organizer and let him foot the bill

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Does he fulfill his manly role in bed?!

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One step at a time. Pick one shelf to complete for that day, the next day do the same, until it’s finished. Do it in sections. It doesn’t all have to be done in one day.

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My husband says if things not being done bother him that much he is capable of doing it himself. Needless to say he never complains … When it bugs me enough it gets done. Things can be so overwhelming and sometimes a bit of help is all you need. Personally if it is clean and you can make the meals you need to then your baby does not care. He can help a bit or at least sit in there and just be with you … Sometimes that is all it takes. Plus you get to spend time together

Did he randomly just start acting like this? What a pig!

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Tell him to take a time machine back to 1920 and find a new wife there :sweat_smile:

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First of all organizing and keeping a house clean is not just the role of the female partner. Your husband is a jerk. If he’s that worried about it he can organize the kitchen.

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My husband has his strong skills and I have mine. His is organization. Mine? PROCRASTINATION :joy: but naw he’s always helped me in the house and he’s big on cleanliness and organization. He can be a bit of a butt to live with sometimes. But I appreciate him for it cuz our lives would be even more hectic or chaotic without his “sternness”. But for your husband to tell you you’re not fulfilling your womanly role?? Girl tell him to go on somewhere. If it bothers him so bad he can do it himself or offer to help you. Boy bye.