My husband doesn't think I am fulfilling my "womanly role"...thoughts?

Your husband is an asshole… :woman_shrugging:t2: But to help you out go onto your local cities page, and ask for a professional organizers or someone to help you there’s a lot of people that do that. I have the same problem I can’t organize nothing in my house seems like it’s always a mess but it’s actually not

What an a**hole. Moving into a new home takes quite a while to organize everything, let alone having just gave birth. I would take him to counseling before he sends you into postpartum depression with his attitude.

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Get him to watch the baby while you take time out to organise the kitchen there shouldn’t be set roles it’s team work

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I’d take everything out. Pile it on the floor and organize a shelf at a time. Also if its really crowded go through anything that’s likely not going to be eaten and donate. Or if the dates are way past due, dispose.

Do yourself a favor call your girlfriend who likes to organize to help she probably would be more than happy to help

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A baby isn’t an excuse to have a messy house.
Your baby is over 6 months old. You’ve had over 6 months to organize the kitchen.
Yes, he’s right.
It’s frustrating living with someone lazy.

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He’s not very sympathetic., Not a nice man

Get him to mind the baby for the whole day while you organise it …surely he can’t dictate that role too :blush:xx

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Sounds like he’s not fulfilling his manly role of building you a house with his bare hands and going off to war and die… As he should. :woman_shrugging: :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::unamused:

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The only way to get a handle on it is to put your mind to it and get it done. Evidently, he is an asshole and he is not going to help you. Once the big part is done, from there on out the pantry should be easy to maintain.

And he’s not fulfilling his manly role by not providing you with a housekeeper. Tell him two can play that game and to back tf down before things get ugly.

He’s an ass. And is nitpicking. Lemme tell you no one can find anything in our kitchen. Fridge stuff goes in the fridge, pantry stuff goes in the pantry. That’s it
That’s all of my organization :joy:
If HE has a problem with it he can do something about it. As long as there’s food in the house who cares :person_shrugging:

He can either help out or hire an organizer. What a douche.

Your man is supposed to be your PARTNER. You are not his mother, nor his maid. If he wants the kitchen organized, he is 100 percent capable of doing it himself.

Maybe your friends have more helpful and supportive partners, making it easier to do things like keep the kitchen organized.

What are his responsibilities? What type of things does he take care of?
Does he think going to work is all he should have to do?
Maybe switch places and see how well he does taking care of the house and baby.

It’s mind boggling to me that so many men think having a job and going to work is enough, while their woman does literally EVERYTHING else. :expressionless:

House work is work, caring for a child all day is work, providing meals is work, cleaning is work, teaching is work, etc. It’s all valuable, it’s all work, just without pay and super underappreciated.

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1st of all -you have a new baby … FOCUS on that & being a new Mommy -that’s a full time job in & of it self !!!
Cleaning & kitchen sorting -is not limited to just a woman !!! :roll_eyes:
I swear some people can be so insensitive!!!
Just do your best & speak on your feelings !!!

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He can get in that pantry and organize the fuck out of it

Have him watch the baby and you get it done bit by bit

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Both of you do the housework not just you, it’s not going to hurt him to help you organize it and guess what, if you do it, then next thing you know, he is going to be asking you where stuff is in the kitchen, if he helps, then he will know where everything is, my husband and I do chores and housework together, this is not the stone ages, it’s called female empowerment, and his comments were a very low blow

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I hate organizing and don’t do much. Thank heaven for my sweet daughter in law that will come over and make everything right!!

Tackle one area at a time while baby naps. Fridge one day. Counters. Cupboards etc. I have 5 kids and didn’t feel like tackling the whole kitchen today so I clean and organized our deep freezer. One task is better than no task.

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Ask him to build you a can organizer, and then ask him to build you additional shelving, then ask him to build you a sliding spice rack for next to the fridge, and have him install pot/pan/lid dividers in the cabinet, and have him i stall some revashelf pull out drawer organizers, and dont forget to have him i stall a pull out trash can while he’s at it… let him know when he has fullfilled his manly duties then you will be able to take care of yours…

Make a plan,on paper. What you want,where. Each cupboard,drawer, shelf. On paper. Take everything out of one drawer. Put in that drawer what you want from list. Move on to next drawer,or shelf or cupboard. Use boxes or laundry baskets to put stuff in from emptying until they go where you want. Label doors,drawres,shelves with poster notes,or tapes,whatever works for yo. I sort my can goods on table first. Then put them away.
1 step at a time. 1 day at a time. You can do this.
He is being a jerk. But don’t join him in jerkhood. You will feel better about your kitchen when done, it will build your confidence. Then you can stand up to him and tell him Kitchen is NOT WOMANS WORK!!!

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Are his arms and hands broken? Tell him to do it himself if he’s that worried about it! I haven’t had any struggles like this with my partner, nor would I tolerate any of that nonsense.

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Can you find everything in your kitchen? Then it’s organized. If he doesn’t think he needs to help then I guess nothing needs done or changed and he can fuck off :woman_shrugging:t2::purple_heart:

Tell him that he is not fulfilling his manly role making you feel like that, tell him that real men are not scare to help their wife.

Now , having a baby is hard and of course that should be your priority but providing a clean and organize environment is also important, do hesitate to ask for help , if you can not do it yourself you can ask on of your friends for help , you can pay someone to do it , watch some videos hire a sitter for 3-4 hours and try to do it , it’s not as hard as it looks

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inform him there are no “womanly” or “manly” duties…if he wants it organized do it himself or shut the heck up!

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You’re husbands comment was very dickish and baby wearing saved my life when my kids were infants. It let me get things done while not hearing a screaming baby.

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Don’t cook clean or do anything for him until he steps up and helps you in the house and with the baby. Only cook and clean for you and the baby

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I should mention that my house is very clean though

Ew there’s so much to unpack here, I’m just gonna burn the whole suitcase

Offer him to either help with the baby , or help with the organizing or both!! It’s not just your job for either of these duties. Sounds like he may need to be sent back to his mom to learn better life skills .

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I will help you :slight_smile: do u live in Michigan??

What makes someone with a vagina more qualified for this task?

It’s not your ‘job’ to clean and organize according to his specifications. It’s your ‘job’ to raise your child. Full stop. He has two arms, two legs, he can help while you are taking care of a brand new baby. What a dick.

You offered to do it together which was very mature of you. If he doesn’t want to that then he can do it himself.

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Well is he like an old time guy cause if I was to as my hubby for help he would no problem it would go much faster if he would help. Dose he help take care of baby mabye he should take care of baby if he wants u to do the hole kitchen buy yourself

If hes comparing you to other women…tell him to go stay with them. Honestly some men should stay with their mother for life
Whats wrong with your cupboards being disorganised ?

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He sounds fun, tell him to bore off :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

:flushed: You let your husband talk to you this way?

If it’s not his job then he doesn’t need to worry about it :woman_shrugging: tell him he can either step up and help or sit down and shut up. I absolutely loath this mentality and the inconsiderate words are disgusting. How would he feel if you told him he doesn’t preform well? That there are porn stars that do it better than him? Or anything else “man” related… he definitely wouldn’t like it. Maybe have a good talk about where yall stand with life views and inform him that you’re already having trouble and he’s not helping the situation. My heart feels for ya because I truly get it. You and your feelings are VALID!!!

I’m an organized mess. Roles wow… he doesn’t sound very nice and making excuses and comparing you to others maybe he should ha e gotten one of them pregnant and married them since they know their role. Gawd this guy is ticking me off and I do t even know him.

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If my husband said something like that to me, then I’d tell him to go be with someone who can organize if that’s how he feels. No need to compare you to others. Note I am not a very organized person myself.

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Your husband is a Richard hole…

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Well, he is suppose to be your teammate so when you are struggling to do something he is to assist you. He is also failing you. Mine always has my back even if it isn’t his “role”.

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Screw him. hire someone to help you out but do it because you want to not because he said something

Try factory resetting him. If that doesn’t work throw him away he’s broke!

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If he gets his food on the table every day I would tell him to get over it or do it himself. Really!!! Guys get over yourselves and help your wife’s sometimes.

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Ugh. I’m switching to women.

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Your hisband is a jerk! Just moved in is a reason not to be organized, having a baby is a reason not to be organized, not having any help is a reason not to be organized, so you are not the failure here, it‘s him!

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I was told by a qualified nurse/midwife the sign of a spotless house with a newborn was a red flag for severe post natal depression. I found this surprising :open_mouth:
That baby is priority and everything else is a bonus.
Well done for moving while pregnant. That was a very brave commitment :clap: keep up the good work.
No improvement needed. He needs to step up and doing things together I feel is the best. Teamwork. X

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I’d tell him to do it then. :joy: If he can open his mouth to complain, he can open his hands to pick stuff up and help move it.

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If this is the absolute only thing he has a problem with he is nit picking. If it bothers him that much he can do it. But frankly, an organization kitchen is last priority. Organized doesn’t necessarily mean clean… are your kitchen floors swepted and mopped? Counters wiped and clean? Stove wiped and clean? Dishes clean? Then organizing can wait.

Kitchen/Home Organization is NOT a “womanly duty”. Your husband is an ass for making such a comment and for making you feel inadequate.

It’s his house too. Is he a child or an adult? If he lived alone wtf would he do??? I mean seriously. It IS his place to help where it is needed and to help without comparing you to anyone and without making you feel like shit. I’ve lived in my house for over two years now. I was dealing with escaping an abusive relationship for about a year. So not a damn thing got organized in the beginning. I slowly got things organized. I’m still going through stuff and tossing out things and getting organized. It’s not the highest on my priority list as the house is clean and food makes it to the table. My boyfriend will step up here and there if he finds a better way to organize something. Because WE ARE PARTNERS AND SHARE A HOME AND ARE BOTH RESPONSIBLE AND KNOW THAT A HUGE PART OF ALL OF THIS IS HELPING EACH OTHER OUT WHEN NEEDED AND DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE WHEN IT CAN BE DONE. Anyone who does not understand this and would also attack you and tear you down…get rid of his ass. He wants a mom he can boss around and verbally abuse…not a wife or life partner.

Your husband is acting like a sexist jerk tbh fr you should straight up tell him that you feel like he’s acting sexist and the baby is going to come first before organizing a pantry and he could help out around the house instead of treating you like a maid. You’re supposed to be a team. That’s what I’d say honestly I’m so sick of all these men treating women like slaves.

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Oh hell no girl do not let him talk to you like that. That’s some sexist pig shit. Tell him to get off his manly ass and organize it his damn self and slap him with some divorce papers how dare he disrespect you by comparing you to another woman and your friend at that. Fuck all of that.

My husband thinks he shouldn’t have to do any work on or around the house, because he goes to work outside of the house. He does very little to help, and when he does he acts like a petulant teenager throwing a fit. I don’t know what he thinks is going to happen whenever I am able to go back to work…because by his idea, if I’m working outside of the house, then I shouldn’t have to work around the house either.

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I am OCD organized… I had my baby in December too and moved in Feb. My daughter is now 6 months old and all my cupboards are unorganized because there just isn’t time to sort it out.
You continue doing you
If your husband doesn’t like it, he can sort it out himself or dedicate an entire day to look after the baby so that you can sort it out

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Don’t let him treat you this way

As a married couple you both should help each other out. If he wants it done and you need help then it’s his job to help his mate out.

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Tell that sexist pig if he wants it organized to hop to it.

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I’m sorry you are feeling this way. But woe he is acting like an entitled jerk. You literally just had a baby what th4 heck??

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Your husband should never compare you to female friends

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My husband handles all that stuff and frequently reorganizes it because when I try to help out, I apparently put things in the wrong spots without realizing it. Your husband needs to chill and realize that marriage is about teamwork. He should not be comparing you to anyone else.

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If he doesn’t want to help you get it all organized so you can continue to keep it that way, then tell him to just shut the hell up.

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I would honestly hire someone to help with organizing. And then it’s easier to maintain

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I keep our house pretty clean but my pans cabinet is far from organized and I don’t care. And if my husband wants it that way he can do it himself :tipping_hand_woman:

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I’d pull everything out cover the table,counters, then take my time putting it back. A week or two of him having to navigate around it he will pitch in or never bitch again. Lol

He is very wrong in comparing to to any other woman.he should have offered help or suggestions to help you work this out.im sure there’s men that help their wives organise the kitchen pantry but you not saying anything about that. He should hire and pay for help.yiu have a baby

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Sounds like he is a tool

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While I think he is an ass for acting that way, If you agree that you want your home more organized then ask some girlfriends to come over one day while he is at work to help set everything up.

My husband would NEVER tell me something is a woman’s job and I mean NEVER. We work together with all household chores! He needs to grow up and join the 21st century.

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Id tell him maybe he could organize this time so youll know exactly what hes talking about

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It was very rude for him to compare you to your girlfriends I’m sure he has some shortcomings in his life too we all just help each other and try to get along. My husband said that to me I would probably tell him to go organize it himself because I probably wouldn’t do it good enough for him sometimes we just got to pick our battles

Start comparing him to male friends. What a jerk! If you WANT to be more organized, there are certain things that could help make organization easier like pot/pan organization for your cabinets. Keep in mind that even if your organization skills improve, he may just be an ass and things could worse so don’t do it for him. Especially if you just had a baby. It’s not just your job, he lives there too and can help. You’re not his mother.

Your husband is a sexist misogynistic asshole. He’s toxic for comparing you to others, and if he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior you should leave. No one should stay with a sexist misogynist. It’ll just be heart ache after heart ache. I know you love him, but I promise you don’t need him.

I am blessed with a man who will organize our pantry. He also helps with house cleaning. I dust, he runs the sweeper. Your hubby needs to get off the dime and help out. Especially since you have a baby to care for.

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Tell him suck it up Buttercup and help you and if he don’t like it he can take care of the kitchen for few days and the baby and everything else you do then he realize u do a lot.

Tell him to do it……shhhddddd

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Sounds like a misogynistic asshole

He sounds like a dickhole

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You need to hire an organizer or get the help from your girl crew, sisters, mom, and their girl crew and get it organized with you. Get a babysitter and make it happen.
You don’t need help from someone who doesn’t want to help and already has resentment.
I wouldn’t make this argument the hill you go to war on with your husband. But as you feel better and baby gets older I think you should examine how he makes you feel and the things he says and thinks and if it’s something you want in your life. You are hormonal and tired mama. It will be okay. You’ve got this! :muscle:

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Oh, I’d handle the kitchen alright(everything from the pantry will be on the counters) and I’d magically forget how to cook a meal and clean too. Not a man’s role pfft.

P.S don’t listen to me, I’m extremely petty.

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Not a kind thing to say to you at all! And the comparison to your friends was pretty low! But, get an early start on the organization process. Make sure baby is changed and fed. Put on some tunes or TV and begin. Start with one pantry shelf at a time. Throw out outdated stuff. Organize with “like things” together. All chips, cereal, noodles, produce, appliances. If you want, get baskets and/ or rubbermaid containers to store things in. Next, do your drawers then your kitchen cabinets.

So your husband is into misogyny … cool cool…. Can’t wait for you to compare him and things he’s not good at to other men. Like Toms grass has less weeds and is greener…. What can’t you be more manly and take better care of the yard work. Must not be a very good man. That’ll be so much fun to live with that. OR you can be free from a person like that and find someone who won’t use something you struggle with to tear you down as a person.

And just because it’s organized today means nothing for tomorrow.

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He definitely is a ballsy guy for sure. Lol.

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First of all, he’s a sexist pig. Second of all, if he’s looking for perfection, he’s not going to find it in the mirror. Third, I’ll lay you odds that if you get the kitchen organized, he’ll complain he can’t find anything and once he does, he won’t put it back where he found it. So… if it was me… I’d make a stab at it. Put the baby in the pack and play. Pull the pack and play into the kitchen. Start in the fridge. Toss out all old food. Then see what stuff you’re low on and make a list for when you go shopping again. Put the list on the fridge door. Do the dishes and leave in drainer. Are your pots and pans and bakeware in cabinets near the stove? If not, scoot them over there. Are your spices and the salt and pepper above the stove in that cabinet? Scoot them up there? If it’s too high, make your husband buy you a spice rack. Get melt proof salt and pepper shakers and keep them on the stove. Upper cabinets next to the stove should have canned goods. Also dry goods. By the kitchen sink should be tableware. Glasses. The drawer next to the sink is for flatware. Drawer next to the stove is for cooking utensils. Or you can get a beer stein you hold cooking utensils and save the drawer next to the stove for knives, though with kids, I’d make room for knives in an upper cabinet. Cabinet above the sink is for cleaning products and chemicals to keep littles out of them. Storage bowls and other containers go under the sink. If you have extra cabinets below the counter, those are for food storage-groceries. An extra drawer is your junk drawer. This is for your scissors, extra batteries, notepads, pens, flashlight, light tools, pushpins, safety pins, paper clips, tape measure, and other odds and ends. You should have a skinny cabinet somewhere for your mop and broom, dustpan and trash bags. That’s about the best you can do. And if that’s not good enough, tell him to pound sand.

My kitchen pantry would never be organized if it was not for my husband lol. I mess it up and he fixes it.

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If he wants it done then he can do it. He’s a big boy and quite capable

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I would find a box or how ever many you need take everything out the kitchen then put it back in…
Also stop doing the normal women things …like washing his underwear see how long he goes necky

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He lives there too… if he wants it organized let him go for it…he shouldn’t compare you to others. Oh he’s a AH.

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I’d tell him where to go… I was organized once upon a time like 3 kids ago. It’s hard keeping anything organized with kids :woman_shrugging:t3: you don’t like you can fix it would be my other advice to my husband if he said anything like that or he might like to hire someone one to do it for making such a rude comment also

WOW! I would have some very not so nice comments for him. Hey, you’re not perfect. None of us are

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Bull shit thing to say to a new mom in a new house. Not sure I would ever organize it.

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This is why people should get to know the people they are dating for a while before they actually marry them. Ew

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He should not compare you to other women. If he wants you to organize stuff, then hand him the baby and tell him I’ll do the organizing while you take care of the baby. Remind him he married you not another woman. Also remind him that he knew about your organization skills (or lack of) before getting married. But he married you anyways.

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Tell him to come to my house and look at my kitchen. I bet he’ll be thankful for y’all’s kitchen then :joy::joy: if my husband EVER said something like that to me, I’d tell him to go marry one of my friends then :joy: but my husband knows better than to think we have gender specific roles in our family!!

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He has no business comparing you to other women. I’d tell him to move in to one of their houses since he’s so fond of how they do things in their kitchens… :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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I’d pull everything out of the pantry and put it in the middle if the floor. Boom. Magically organized pantry. Passive aggressive and doesn’t solve anything I know. But he was a jerk to say that and not be helpful.

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