My husband doesn't want a second child: Advice?

My husband and I have one child who will be turning two soon. We tried years to get pregnant before turning to IVF, which resulted in our son. Labor was hard, and I know it took a toll on my husband. We had always talked about having two kids, but since having our son, that seems to have changed for my husband. He does seem like he is starting to entertain the idea of another baby, but he still definitely makes it known that he is happy with just our son. I think at. First, it was because the labor was scary (both I and baby had some complications/scares), but that seems to be finally fading from his memory. Now I think it’s because our relationship isn’t what it used to be (argue more and less intimate). But that is improving now that our son is getting older. I admit I had a hard time adjusting to our new life and tend to get grumpy when I’m overwhelmed and tired, which I really was until around the time our son turned 1. I never imagined only having one child, and it makes me so sad to imagine him growing up without a sibling. I don’t know what to do if we never get on the same page. I always imagined our kids having less than a three year age gap, and we are “older” parents, so I starting to really worry about my husband’s attitude towards trying for baby #2 and just wondering how things went for others.


You can’t force him into it. Idk why women think that only their opinion matters when it comes to having children. It sounds like you went through a lot. Maybe he just needs time to adjust. You should work on making your relationship better, before you try having another baby. At the end of the day you can’t make him want more children. If you push him into it he might resent you.


You can’t force him but maybe later he will want to. As far as complications I was told not to have one cause I’d probably not survive my two boys are 14 years apart and have a bond that’s unbreakable. I love watching d with his little brother

I would definitely continue to talk to him about it but don’t try and force it. If the roles were reversed I’m sure you wouldn’t like being pressured or convinced into having another kid. Feelings can change and thats ok, and who knows maybe in time he will want another one. Give it time and if its meant to be it will happen.

He was likely traumatized in his own way with all the trying then the complications then the adjustment of a baby in the house and finally settling into a new normal with his family. Give him some time, work on your relationships and family then discuss it again in a year.

My husband and I originally wanted 4 kids. I had an insane first pregnancy and we changed it to “maybe” 2. I suffer from pcos and dealt with secondary infertility longer than I liked. I gave us a deadline and then I was going to tie my tubes and then get a complete hysterectomy. Miraculously my deadline was met. We are both officially done with kids because my second pregnancy was worse than my first and resulted into a csection. My kids are almost exactly 4.5 years apart and I personally and so happy I did not have them so close in age. Everyone is different, though.

Definitely talk to him again after giving him some time, but try to not pressure him!

It took 8 years to convince my husband to have a second child. I wish they were closer in age, but things work out for a reason. He was worried about the intimacy as I pulled back after the first me he was afraid the second would derail our marriage. 9 years and a surprise pregnancy later we’re good with the three kids, all 8 years apart from each other.

Give him some time and work on your relationship. It seems like you guys went through alot and you need to let the wounds heal without pressure. You pushing him won’t help. You guys are a team. Work through it together.

Why us it only women’s opinion on this matter? When the man doesnt get on the same page, come to fb for answers. YOU CANT MAKE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND!! Your relationship is already having troubles. Trying to force this will only make it worse.
Work on your relationship before bringing another child into it.


The CURRENT people in your house are the most important. Time lines and your view of things happening on your perfect schedule just aren’t important. My girls are almost 6 years apart, its not what I thought I wanted but thats how it happened. Also if one kid caused a disruption in your relationship then he has every right to want to keep you over having another baby. Kids do complicate life and make marriages go on the back burner, you learn to adjust usually but what it sounds like is He’s choosing you.

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Why is only having one child a bad thing? Sometimes siblings aren’t a good thing! Be blessed with the one you have, because it doesn’t sound like it was easy, and if and when you BOTH are ready, you can try again. People raise only children all the time.

If your marriage is having issues then baby #2 shouldn’t be on the table yet. Don’t force him. Repair y’all and maybe that will change his mind.

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Would you have to go through the trouble and expense of IVF again? Are finances a consideration? Would you consider adoption? Maybe both of you go to counseling together to work things out in your relationship before bringing another person into the world.

BTW, I was an only child & got to do so much because of it. Because of day care, most onlies are well socialized from an early age. I had two kids three years apart and they fought and were mean to each other. I was horrified, but all my friends with siblings said that’s just the way it is. They are grown and get along, but still roll their eyes at each other!


I would wait longer and talk about it next year

Being an older parent and going through fertility treatments is hard. If you haven’t gone through this it is hard to relate to.
As a couple you have ideas,plans, and dreams, and when those ideas and dreams hit complications… it puts a strain… and going through fertility treatments is extremely hard.
My husband and I are both “older parents” late 30’s, mid 40’s with a soon to be 3 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. We had to go through fertility treatments, had hard deliveries.
My husband too was just perfectly fine with our older daughter but, just like you we had plans and ideas for more. Thankfully he was open and willing, but he did say if it didn’t happen within “time” then he wouldn’t do it. God had our plans and we had our second.
My husband and I have been together for 16 years, I have a pretty good idea about what you are talking about out.

I would just try as much as you can to make your communication and intimacy a priority. Everything else will follow. None of us know your “ideas and dreams” as a couple. Only you and your husband do.! Best of luck and prayers for your little family!

Maybe try fixing your relationship first. Your son is never too old for a sibling. I don’t know why women have to constantly ask this same question. You can’t force him, and you might end up pushing him away. If you’re having issues, the last thing you need to be thinking about is a baby


My son is 8 and my daughter is 11 months. After my son was born I was all about just one child and I was happy, my husband sounded like you… it was stressful and it caused alot of fighting, resentment. I have a right to my autonomy and so does your husband. Eventually I changed my mind by that time I was diagnosed with cancer so hence the large age gap between my babies. you can talk at him and annoy the hell out of him but in the long run that’s only causing more damage to the both of you. my advice being the person who was in his shoes… tell him you said your piece on what you would like and that your going to table the conversation for a couple of months to give him time to really evaluate things. Mean while go to couples counseling work on your relationship.


When me and my (not yet at the time) husband first talked about kids, I gave him a minimum of two, I would like more but I wouldn’t settle for less than that. That gave him a chance to agree or disagree, without pressure, before we really got super serious about it and could decide if we wanted to move forward together in life.

Kids change your sex life, it will never be like it was before kids. Don’t push it on him. Its really not fun. I didn’t want more kids and husband did… We are both completely done. We got got :scissors::scissors:

Pushing it on a man and keep bringing it up is just as bad as a man doing it to a woman. If he doesnt want another kid right now you have to respect it.


You can’t force someone to want what they don’t want. Between ivf and a traumatic birth, I don’t blame the guy. My daughter is an only child and I have zero intention of ever changing that. She’s perfectly happy and content not having a sibling. I’m happy because she can be my whole world and I can make whatever she wants happen for the most part. I love that. She is a competive dancer, it’s definitely not an inexpensive activity, if she had a sibling there is no way I could afford it. Just some food for thought. Having one child can be just as happy of a life as have multiple.

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After I had my son 7 years ago my husband said no more but now we are having our 3rd in July. He may change his mind

Talk with your husband. My son was conceived with IVF best decision of my life but also financially and emotionally draining I also had a miscarriage at 7 weeks with my son or I would have had twins. Talk I have been there I would have loved another child but it didn’t happen ny son is now 20 and would have loved to have a sibling but is understanding about it not happening. When you go through infertility it is a had road to travel. Bless you and your family.

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Me and my fiance were only blessed with one daughter, she is now 11 and I wish I would have have put more effort into giving her a sibling. I hate the thought of her being all alone without any family except cousins to anchor her when we are gone. But I am raising her to be independent and hopefully she will be able to travel the world and find her own family even if it is here. Maybe have a heart to heart with your husband. But remember you all are SUPER blessed with your son if he is all you ever have. Good luck momma!


If you two are already arguing and your relationship is not what it used to be, why would you want to bring another child into this picture? Despite what you and your husband had initially planned, the picture has changed. Maybe it is time for your plans to change accordingly.


Maybe he don’t want you to go thru the same as you did before, maybe have a talk with him after your son is in bed, good luck hope you can have another child!

Sounds to me like there may be a lot more going on than you are telling us. Maybe he is not wanting to have another child because he has other plans for his life. If you are having marital problems maybe hes looking for a way out. Bringing another child into this relationship will not fix your problems. It will just make things worse. Talk to him. Find out why he doesn’t want another baby. Fix the problems you already have before you make more. Money is hard to come by now days and jobs are not promised. Our country is in trouble. There could be alot of reasons he’s not ready for another child. TALK IT OUT!


Same situation over here. My son will be five in may. I desperately want another, but my husband is a firm no. I have gotten pregnant 3 times since my son was born, 2 of which were ectopic pregnancies. Everything in that regard is still intact but now they are recommending I get that tube removed. I’ll be 38 next week. I feel like my body has failed us. I’m starting to get used to the idea that it might just be the three of us. It’s hard when the other one says no more children, especially when you are desperate… make sure you guys are talking about it. In the end somebody will lose and the other person will win. Just make sure you both can live happily with that decision, whatever it may be.


Being older parents, maybe it’s better to look into fostering and adoption. I agree with the though that he could be worried about losing you and raising the children alone.


Speaking as an only child, let me assure you that having a sibling is not the most important factor in growing up happy and well adjusted. Be loving parents, and love each other. Say no once in a while, encourage curiosity, leave time for boredom, and read to and with your child. Welcome their friends and expect proper behavior. Don’t try to be a friend and buddy, concentrate on beings parents, providing a safe hone good food, and love.


If the labor is scary for him, the second time around is USUALLY easier…problems can occur, but normally your body has an easier time. (My first labor was nearly 25 hours, the second was under 6.) counseling may help because it can help you both communicate better. The person above is right about not wanting to be a single parent of two children, but a single parent of one child is not going to be easy either, so you need to come to an agreement on this.

Foster a child. This will either tell you his true heart or that he truly cannot handle another child into his home. He may just be scarred of losing you


I grew up a only child and it was rough always wanted siblings it’s still hard hearing my husband talk for hours on the phone and having help with his aging parents. So I didn’t plan it but I have 5 wonderful kids.

Just love the one you’ve got and try to make your relationship with your husband one that makes your son’s life really great. If your husband isn’t excited about another child, that shouldn’t even be a question. Give your all to the child you have and your husband and quit giving it to what you used to say you wanted. That is cheating everyone.


You said you’re arguing more and less intimate. Why would you bring another poor innocent child into your mess, isn’t one having to live through it enough?


We have 2, 6 years apart by choice. We had our 2nd because our son has no cousins and we didn’t want him to be alone and we wanted another child. We had a pretty solid relationship going into #2 but the first 3 years we very hard on our relationship. We were in our mid to late 30’s, things had changed for us. I have to say, our second son is a blessing and I am so glad he is here, that said having him was HARD. We were happy with one and now are happy with 2 but it took years of adjusting to put it VERY lightly. Whatever your decision, think long and hard about what you really want for you and your family. Another child is not just a split second decision, it is a whole other family dynamic. I wish you and your family he best of luck.


Both need to be on board to have another child If not ur asking for disaster and and constantly arguing over it is going to cause resentment and departmental to ur marriage U have a nice little family be happy more kids doesn’t necessarily make it better so put ur hormones in check and enjoy ur family

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Too much with the IVF, etc. Your husband is trying to tell you in a nice way it was all too much on him an the family! If, he has to endure all this again he will resent you, it’s just human nature!


I could only have one. She was a miracle because I wasn’t supposed to be able to have any. Don’t worry. Let God handle it.


I honestly don’t know how things have gone for others, but from what I’ve read, you had to turn to IVF to get pregnant the first time, you had complications during labor, struggled the first year from being overwhelmed, and you are an older parent. Only my opinion, but maybe you should just be thankful for the child you have, work on strengthening your connection with your husband, and enjoy life. I only had one child, and he did not suffer at all from being an only child. Make sure he is socialized enough with other children, and I promise you he will be fine. I worry that if you push for another child, your marriage may not survive it. My son is now forty years old, married, has a great career, and is a very well rounded person. Kids really are okay without siblings, I promise.


I had one son for a while and he was very happy being an only child. You cant force your husband to want another child. Maybe sit down and talk to him (not argue). He may have reasons you don’t know for this change. I would absolutely wait until baby #1 is a little older before trying thought. If having the baby changed things having another would change them more and not in a good direction. If you arent careful you might break your marriage. I
Prayers and thoughts with you.

Both need a heart to heart discussion on the reasons of not wanting a second child if it’s because of being scared for complications on a second then talk to your ob doctor. If it’s because the fighting then that issue needs to be addressed. They’re a chance that hvg a another child will cause a separation if the marriage isnt happy. You don’t want to be a single mom with two children. Counseling may help.


Ok so maybe he doesnt want to put you and a baby in that situation again, plus ivf is supposed to be super expensive, and Theres no guarantee youd get pregnant, thats all money wasted and would probably ensue more arguing


Tell him life is to short, stop feeling sorry for himself, get to church, get counseling, if you need it now you probably needed it months ago. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished as a mom. Tell your husband, happy wife happy life and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Everyone on here saying, her husband has spoken and that should be the end of it. Seriously people, she should sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Is he scared, is it financial, is he worried about losing his wife and or child? Ask him if he’s truly happy not having another baby or is fear of the unknown making him hesitate


You need to talk with your husband and get a full idea how he feels, do not bring another child into this marriage if things are uncertain, also don’t have another child just so your first child will have a brother or sister, give yourself some time,


It’s still early. Build on your relationship. Grow closer. Enjoy each other. Enjoy your son. Grow together as a family. When the time is right you will both know and be on the same page together. :heart: It will all work out.

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Siblings can be great or awful. No guarantee they will be close. Maybe count your blessings. Especially since there were so many complications.


Well i guess you have to give him a little more time. I think your first experience wasnt easy for him either. First the ifv process wich is quite stressing on its own. Second… your labor as you say was hard. So maybe… just maybe, he is affraid to lose both of you. Dont rush him. Because as you say, you have more argue and less intimate. Try first to restore your relationship. If you rush him and you have a second child now in these conditions, trust me, you will regret it. And your baby will suffer the consequences. God bless both of you.

You have time, just be patient. My S-I-L was opposed to a second child but he decided it would be OK. He is a wonderful dad and really loves both his children

Just because one has siblings doesn’t mean they will always be close or friends . They may grow up and never talk to each other. I see it all the time. Love what you have and just keep moving forward.

I would concentrate on the relationship with your one child and spouse.

When I was young, I expected to have a few but after our first, my wife said no more. I was fine with that and we had a great life until we lost our daughter on Christmas day at 17, 21 years ago.

I would not have changed it, she was fine as a only child, we got her involved in activities so she was rarely alone.

After her passing, adopted 2 special needs older kids, worse mistake of my life.

Good luck

Aahhhhh…question…"…labor was hard and I knew it took a toll on my husband." What the heck! I bet it took a lot out of you too! Don’t you matter in this scenario? Me shaking my head!!!

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How about be honest? This isn’t something you just let go and can’t figure out. Y’all need to be understanding of the goods and bads each of you see with a second child.

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With all the problems you had, another child may not be in God’s plan for you. Love the child you have and stop obsessing about it. That pressure may be causing the current discord. Your child will do just fine as an only child in a home with the love of both parents.

I am an only child and I would have done almost anything to have a sister or brother. It’s lonely and you always feel as if you have missed what others where blessed with and you will never have. My husband and I have two wonderful kids and very glad we did. Wouldn’t change it for anything.

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Why questioned it?? You know if he does not want another child, he will not be much help to you ,how his he with his first ?? loving father etc, does he help you with the baby?? I would not have another one, you are the main person looking after that little bundle, it puts a lot of stress into a relationship…Did u asked him why he does not want another one?? financially, whatever the reason at least he his letting you know before you get yourself pregnant.

i don,t think this is the time to be bringing in a baby right now, with the world in a turmil and all, i think i would think real hard on doing it,. kids get along just fine only being the number one believe me…


My Father was an only child, my husband is an only child, his oldest daughter only has one son. All turned out fine. You forget that your son will grow up and probably have his own children. Our grandson has two and I think he wants more. I think his wife told him he could have the next two. They have friends and first cousins and they all are very happy and grew up just fine. My husband was married before me and I have no children. Never wanted any and ended up raising two sets of step children that still call me Mom and the grandchildren call me grandma. So he will be fine, bottom line. I have siblings and that’s not all its cracked up to be either. Not all brothers and sisters get along. So don’t force something that isn’t necessarily the best for you your husband or your son. Sometimes you have to count your blessings and move on.

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First… it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or what they would do.
This conversation needs to happen with your husband and no one else. Two people get a vote and two people have to be ok enough with the decisions to move on.

my son is an only child and he is happy well adjusted adult. He had plenty of cousins and friends growing up.

Adoption/ fostering is an option

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Only children are perfectly fine too.

A little unrelated but for your fertility issues please look into TRS or another zeolite. We consume so many toxins in today’s world and with detox it has helped so many women improve their overall health and fertility

I am a only child it sucked but I had 6 kids

This is the time where u have to ask yourself, are u willing to put what u want aside for the sake of ur marriage. Will he resent u for having another child? Will u resent him for not having another? U only have 3 options, u can either continue down the path u are heading, give in to what he wants, or go after what u want with a possibility of losing ur spouse in the process. None of this is an easy choice. What does ur happiness mean to u? Some decisions arent easy and can hurt but sometimes they are necessary. Either way, it doesn’t sound like both are going to be happy with the decision y’all make. Praying for u and hope yall make the appropriate decision.

You can always adopt so many children that need a loving home

The world is already overpopulated…work on finding the happiness again and adopt there are too many unwanted kids wishing for a family.

Personally I wished I had more than one child. I’m 55 now and still think about it to this day.

You are truly blessed with your son…having said that, I am an only child, and would do anything to have had a sibling. However, I have to admit that there are some parts I like about it. Whether you do or don’t have another child, work on your marriage and keep the love you have for each other alive! That will mean more to your child than anything else! Have a heart to heart with your husband and see how he really feels…maybe you are more on the same page than you realize…hugs and prayers!

Don’t bring another baby in when it’s not wanted because the child will pay the price

Ask your son if he would be ok with a sibling.

Talk about these important topics before you get married now is too late


I’m an only child, loved it! I wouldnt wish for a sibling, then I’d have to share, that’s no fun lol


A second child is the hardest child in a family, always crying for attention, first child gets pushed out much the the glee of the second child, always wanting the first childs toys will fight for them if it has too. Two is not always company. But if you are prepared for the trials two bring always consider husbands feelings he has to live with it. Hubby will fear you going through the same agony and losing you.

Who is this? Sounds like a few people I know!

Maybe just go “unprotected” and if it happens, it happens?

You can always try and adopt!


Have u ever thought of fostering, or adoption?

This may be a tough bit to swallow, but here are my thoughts from what I can guess are your husbands fairly valid concerns:

  1. Your physical health-the first go around probably terrified him. Almost losing his wife and facing the prospect of single parenthood would make anyone pause about risking it twice, with double the result of now two children.

  2. Your Mental health- he has seen that motherhood of an infant has overwhelmed you, straining your relationship. He might see another child as being “too much” for you to handle, or he may not enjoy fatherhood as much as you or he had hoped. That’s not to say he doesn’t Iove your child, but it’s ok to admit that one is all you can handle, for either parent.

  3. I’ve always believed the lord only gives us what we can handle. When I was your, I hoped for a great marriage with 2-3 kids. I ended up unmarried and pregnant at 25, married to baby daddy at 28, and divorced at 32. Things don’t always work out how we want, but my daughter is about to graduate with honors and I am in the middle of a career change and building a business.

Labor was hard on the father??? :roll_eyes:


Pray. My husband didn’t want #2 and I prayed for the Lord to change his heart and he did.

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Have a conversation but make sure you listen and consider him points don’t see one view. Many women don’t listen. Be bless what you have.

I’m confused why people are suggesting adoption…every pregnancy is different…one may be difficult and the next could go perfectly…discuss your concerns with your obgyn and then each other to weigh the risks…your husbandoves you so much he doesn’t want to be the cause of your suffering.

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Omg I could have written this besides the ivf. I’m dealing with this same thing.

I know things are hard right (covid) but when things better take time for date night. Considerate on you two.

i was an only child and it was fine. It would be better to be an only than to be the favored child or to have unhappy parents


Don’t have another kid
I have only one Son and he turned out fine. Our whole Neighborhood of kids were at our house. All his Friends.

I have 9 …would not change a thing

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Maybe adoption is in your future. Good luck with whatever. We are parents of a grown “only child” and he is awesome!

Don’t push it. He may change his mind.

It was hard on him. I don’t think so.

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We put 8 years between 2nd and 3rd. If you need a little more time, its fine.

I would not be pushing it or you’re going to end up in divorce court be satisfied with the one child that you have.

Babies tend to put a strain on relationships. I suggest wait till he is ready and don’t push the issue right now. Then maybe in a year you guys can just not use protection and see what happens.

Better to be an only child then have a dead mom, and if your marriage is rockey the last thing you do is bring another kid into it.


I’m reading what people are saying about a second child. One more child isn’t going to kill a marriage, it doesn’t take a baby to do that. It’s the marriage in itself. Maybe a husband felt neglected sexually cause you were tired and men can be babies. You have to see how things were with one what were the issues. Financial reasons too can exist does a wife have to work. Baby sitters and daycare are highly expensive. So many reasons. Present a list of yes and no talk it over. Could open a lot of worms that’s the issue and you could become a better couple together

I have actually been in your exact situation. IVF, 1 son. I wanted to try for a 2nd child. My Ex-husband wanted nothing to do with a second child. I won that argument but my 2nd child paid the price with a father that wanted nothing to do with her! She’s 16 now and struggling badly with the lifetime of neglect and general unwanting by him of her. Either Don’t do it or leave his lame ass and move on with “your” life the way “you” want it! Don’t let anyone steal your joy!

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My son is an only child in my home, but the oldest of 4 in his dad’s home. My son is quiet and prefers to be alone. He has alot of friends, and very close to cousins. It worked out good for him here because when he didn’t want to be around alot of people he would send them home or come home. My son just went to live with his father, he now shares his room and has no privacy and is begging to come back to me.

It takes two yeses and one no… Work on your relationship first and things might fall into place the way you want them to…