He should be taking you and the toddler out a couple times a week especially if he’s going on solo outings that much. He should help give you time to do things you enjoy too.
My Husband Expects Me to Be Home with Baby 24/7 While He Works and Has a Social Life: Advice?
At $150 a week pay a high school $60 for 3 hrs and do something with the girls. Yes he’s being selfish but you deserve time to recharge your batteries too. No go.
Sounds like you need to have a discussion with him about it. Maybe set up some days for him to take the kids one day so you can do a thing even if its at home, for yourself. And then one day where you guys go and do something together.
First off… why have a “man” if you and your child will be on state aid?
No, thank you. Drop him and file for child support. You can still keep state aid benefits while you also collect court-ordered child support.
Get a job…don’t lose yourself . If there’s a good daycare, or relative. Give them the 150.00 for babysitting.
Open your mouth girl! Don’t ask him if you can take a bath. Tell him everything is under control so, you’re going to take a bath, or get a manicure, or get a haircut etc.
Control freak is what i call it
Stop convincing yourself the finer things in life aren’t necessary.
Amen if you don’t want to live that way for the next 20 years leave now. I’m serious about that but if you allow it he won’t stop. They only do to you what you put up with if you are on Medicaid get your own place before you start taking your frustrations out on your children.
Why isn’t he inviting you to go out with him sometimes?
Not fair at all but only you can put your foot down
You have an allowance?? Um no. You should have your own debit card to the same joint account and use what you need when you need it plus what you want on yourself. He also needs to know being a SAHM is a fulltime job and he shod help with the kids (more like spend time with them) when he’s off work/home, even if he did work that day. Do you have your own vehicle? If so go out, even if it is to take your daughter to eat or get ice cream, go on playdates etc. You should both have a social life, if you can’t do something he shouldn’t do something. You could also start working, even if its part time. Make your own money to use if he gets to spend all the money he spends. Put your foot down and set boundaries, deal with what he does or leave…
It is time to communicate! Get a tablet and write down what your needs and concerns are now. Fine tune your written issues. This way you will be clear on what you want him to know and acknowledge. You want to make a strong case to present. (Remember to include in your thinking that you have worth and value so you will stand strong when he turns everything around). Once you have your case outlined to the best, then broach the need to talk with him. This is tough and sometimes scary so you will want to present your case with as little emotional histrionics as possible. This does not need to be adversary. He may take you more seriously if you are calm. Threats don’t work but have an idea of what your expectations are and what you will and won’t except from this talk. Clarifying your position and receiving clarity of his position will help make future decisions.
I couldn’t imagine getting 150 bucks a week to spend and get food stamps and medicade to. Oh my goodness you have it a lot better than most people. Actually you have it made…
My husband was great Hed give thd kids baths and warm their towels in the dryer before using them
Every time I see a women say “he gives me an allowance” it makes me cringe.
Sounds like you let this happen and it’s hard to change something when it’s become a norm I am not saying leave cuz that’s not how relationships work renegotiate the terms of y’all’s relationship see where it goes try to tell him in a first person like “I feel this way because of how things are going I would like to know if we could come to an agreement “ don’t push blame meaning “ you make me feel this way cuz of this or that “ they stop listing cuz they think your nagging . Asking isn’t gonna hurt and telling him how you feel is gonna see where it goes if he dismisses your talk or your needs tell him if I can’t get what I need from you this isn’t gonna work . But just leaving because of something that can be fixed is dumb sometimes men don’t even realize . My husband doesn’t goes anywhere without me ever , I got lucky that my husband doesn’t like to go out to bars or social settings but maybe getting a sitter and joining in on what he does for fun will bring y’all closer even this might work … I’m a sahm now and I’ve always had my own money but ever so often my hubby lets me go shopping and get whatever I want … boundaries and negotiations is the best I can give you
Sounds controlling to me. If u dont like then get rid of him he has no control over u. If u dont want to stay home 24/7 then dont.
Wow you put this out there and what to do, really you that clueless or just needing a man so you can say you have one, women up, mom up, get a life, so sorties here for you, gezzzz!!!
Because you have accepted this as the way it is. Unacceptable.
Leave! Y would a real man let u be on food stamps and Medicaid instead of support u and his child! Hes a selfish bum! Run as fast as u can!!
You both need marriage counselling. He is living in another era and you are allowing it. Get help.
This is not 1950! You are the only one that can make this change.
If hes giving you $150/week, why are you on food stamps?
The real question is why are you with him sounds like it’s time to get the hell out
Who knew parenting was a full time job?
You should put your foot down and tell him you are having a girls night out
if he is capable of paying you good salary every months as a rich husband that should be ok for you and fortunate enjoy.
Something not right with this. How can he give you 150$ a week on top of all the government handouts you have?
He is being extremely unfair and inconsiderate of your feeling. See a marriage counselor or pastor who can sit down with the two of you. Marriage is 50/50 not 100/0!
You let him get away with it!!
You are not his mother, child our maid. That says it all. Good luck n God bless
Wow i dont know what to say other than there is no way i would put up with that!
he does this bc you let him…
Your husband has enough money to go out and play pool but you and your daughter are on medicaid? Something watering here. Do you get any disability or good stamps? I’d report is ass immediately. There are resources that will help. I broke my leg seriously in January and was only getting disability. Hubby had lost his job. He went and got food stamps and I got Medicaid along with my medicare. He got his social.security going and as soon as money was coming in I called and reported the change in income. My !medical bills were out of sight. Over 50,000. for hospital and rehab. I’m still healing and It has been 9 mont hs. I still have about a year to go to filling being healed. Get rid of the bum. You deserve better.
You need a life for yourself besides your family…you need friends but talk to him before you do anything rash and pray for him to understand.
Use your “allowence” get a sitter and go out. May once every other week. My husband use to do that. We also lived in an old trailer, I also was not high matenance im still not. I was able to socialize with another stay at home mom in our trailer park. It helped so much. He went to the bar every day we never had money. Then I got a job so we could get a house. Life changer. He was forced to take care of the kids while I worked, which made them closer to their dad. We got our house. We had some very tough spots he eventually realized his mistakes and treats me like a princes now. Not everyone’s situation is the same but something needs to change before you start to hate him if that does not happen. Maybe a part time job, or a mommies group will help. Im sure you have talk to him without any changes I get it. I had no drivers license, no job and 2 kids under 4. Its scary to think of leaving and you do love him. Nothing you say works. Time to say I’m doing this and do it. Find your voice and find yourself
You need to just go to a friend who will watch her and play .You are gonna have health issues if u don’t get out
That is financial abuse. Get a job and leave as soon as you can. It will only get worse, trust me on this.
Get a jon, save money and leave. There is a life out there for you!
Daddy’s are not baby sitters!!!
Leave NOW. Your independence will be worth the struggle.
Bc your not important to him
Leave that best thing to do
You need to bank the $150 find a job. Save up and leave
You sound like my soul sister…
This is hard in so many levels.
Get a job and move on.
Sounds like she married the wrong man.
So we are not rich by any means and I am home 24/7 so I understand the not having fun money but my fiance does not go out either. On the rare occasion he does it is always both of us at least and most times with our son as well. My issue would be him going out that much without you and not either inviting you or giving you the opportunity to go out on your own like he does. I am very low maintenance always have been but the 4 or 5 times a week going out while I stay home would not fly. What we do as homemakers is more stressful and exhausting than people realize, keep your head up and talk to him.
You allow it…it will happen!!!
Not sure anyone can give advice, if you’re allowing it to happen.
You’re worth is more than you seem to be getting in return.
He has control of you.
You deserve better.
Don’t let him define who you are…leave
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Get a job and earn your own money. Financial independence will give you more freedom and control over your own life. If you dont do something now then you will grow old and die a miserable woman. You only live once my dear.
He is controlling you. Leave
Have you communicated this to him?
Did you get rid of his ass because you didn’t hear
Why do you think this is ok ?
Dr Phil has a saying no one takes (advantage) of you Unless U let them
My hubby was great when our 3 where born.
He got up in the middle of the night to get them so I could breastfeed. And put them back.He was right by the door. During the day he when home he burp them. While I got more water, peed, and got ready for the other side. Change his fair share of diapers. He far shared of cuddles.
I worked part time mornings 9-2ish. He worked swing shift 2-whenever. We had the kids on his schedule so they sleep in the mornings.
I’ve always had access to all our money. I’d be the one stashing it away so we have money when we traveled.
There was times where he walk in late, and I’m like your on duty and went to the store. To grab what we needed. I needed out of the house and it was easier to shop without the kids.
Talk about it together. And if he gives you a weekly allowance then save what you can for a couple of weeks and then get a local high schooler to babysit for 2 hrs. Shouldn’t be too expensive for 2 hrs and then do what you want. Even if you stay home and take a bath or go sit at a local park for peace and quiet.
I think what you need to hear is you are amazing. And you and your needs are just as your husbands. Being a STHM is extremely taxing. You deserve time just as much. Talk to your spouse and share your views and thoughts. He should be supporting and encouraging. If he is not, maybe you guys don’t want the same things and that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean you stop moving forward. If he can move forward on his desires, what makes you feel you have no right to? It’s ok if you don’t want the same thing, but there needs to be respect from both sides. Big hugs and start filling your cup, mama. If yours is empty how will you help others?
- You said you receive foodstamps on you and your daughter. Yall live together. He is your child’s father. It is considered fraud in my state if he’s in the home and isn’t included on the cases. (Household income)
- What you allow is what will continue.
- You have a spine for a reason. Use it. Allowing that man to walk all over you under the guise he is the breadwinner and needs a break (shooting pool 5 nights a week). Get a job, your own place (try income based). Go after for child support. Focus on yourself and daughter. Provide a better life and environment for her and yourself. As a single mom, you can get all kinds of grants and financial aide to continue your education
Honey you are a partnership, a team. Once you two got married it became a 2 person job to run the home. He needs to help you out. If he can’t spend time with u or the baby, then you need to sit him down for a very important talk.
You need to tell him he needs to be a part of the family, not just putting food on the table or a roof over your heads. A date night for adults, have him take a weekend to care for the baby, while you go out- a walk in the park, or even book a hotel room for the day.
My husband is the breadwinner (I love him and tend to wait on him when he is home), and I care for our 4 kids (the youngest is 8months), he pays 98%of the bills, and I get an Allowance for my own wants. I am okay with this as once the baby is in school and I can get a job around the kids school schedules I will do that.
I do however, see him come home, change, we have a 10 min chat about his day, and how the kids were. Then the hand off happens- he becomes the main caretaker while I cook dinner. We eat and he gets the kids in line for the night. I get the evening to myself- unless the baby refuses a bottle, and I get cuddles from the kids 10 minutes before they each head to bed. (The only thing I wish was different, is if I got some actual cuddle time with him before we fall asleep for the night- I am a person who needs physical attention at least hold me and hug me without my having to chase you down and ask for a hug/kiss in passing). But after 12 years of marriage, we have had our come-to- meetings and are still happily married.
Make a date night dinner at home, and tell him you expect him at the table at XX time, and lay your feelings out and that you need his help. If he can’t work with you, then you need to do what will make you happy- find a job, and if you feel it right, leave. If he can’t make you happy by helping give you a break 3 nights a week, it may be time to leave, and make yourself happy.
Follow your heart and listen to your head
Don’t let him control you
Get a job & a babysitter
sounds like the piece of shit I’m with, I’m have our child all day (also a sahm) and he can come and go as he pleases and can do what he pleases but the minute i wanna do something out have time to myself it’s a big issue, he can’t handle having a 3 yr old (it’s his 1st, my 2nd).
we fight a lot and I’m over it and over him being a child and not growing the hell up at 42, I’m ready to walk!
I don’t know you. Yet I know you deserve better…
Controlling that’s why
Because he’s an inconsiderate, childish, selfish, asshole that’s why. My question is why do you put up with it?
He is extreamly controlling. You need to decide if you want to be controlled and stay or be free and leave!
He isn’t being fair. Keeping you from his $ isn’t cool either. My husband will work over 50 hours a week and still come home and help me if needed. Last night he took the kids to ride scooters to give me a break. Your husband sounds very controlling and selfish! You shouldn’t even have to ask him to help out! Good luck to you girl but he is treating you like a doormat!
i honestly could not do the stay home thing after second baby , my last i went to work 6 months after her birth and this one im due in a few weeks it will be the same .i go into deep deppression with staying home 24/7
Financial abuse. You’re like his slave.
That doesn’t sound like a marriage to me… You are the babysitter and the maid… And you don’t even get a day off…
He’s giving you the $150 to keep you quiet so you don’t complain about not being on three bank account.
As others have said, what you allow will continue
I went through something similar with my ex…Branch out, talk to your family make visits. These types like to keep you isolated, don’t be surprised if he blows up because you want to visit your parents or a friend
Wow that’s so sad if he has a socialized life then I would go out and have a social life that is a bunch of crap take care of the children you keep the house clean you cook and you make sure he has clean clothes clean bad and he has the guts to tell you to stay home well that’s bunch of crap I would just go and do what I want to do I don’t care if he does work you work harder than he does go out and enjoy life is life is too short
To be the best parent you need to be the best version of your self. You are on Medicaid apply to school you will get grants and help. education is key to overcoming poverty and neglect he either will get on board or get out of you way. You don’t need his permission to get your act together.
Because you let him do this to you…it is very detectable to you…stand up for your self,do not except his behaver…good luck to you,
Can you start going to nearby Church. Some churches have kind of co op babysitting or just meet up with other young mothers…Go for walks. Fresh air means a lot for health…
Sounds like my life exactly…except I have 4 kids.
Why does everyone rib her for being on medicaid and food stamps? You can work AND be on those things…they have income limits for a reason. Seriously, chill people.
As for the situation…communication is key. Talk to him about these things and let him know how you feel. Only way to make it work.
All hes doing is paying you child support.
Divorse it he controlling you don’t be a door mat
Because he’s a jerk…
Start your own bank account put whatever money u can into it
He is being an abusive controlling arsehole
Marriage is partnership not one dickhead controlling the other person he is treating u like your a shit kid
U deserve better
This is Unthinkable. SO SO SO WRONG. You deserve so much more than this. You aren adult. YOU need to secure some childcare, somewhere, somehow, so you can get a job. What do you know how to do? Can your make money? Can you be a nanny? Can you clean houses? You need to make your own money. You can try to get Government-subsidized childcare. You should go for a low-income apartment on your own and leave his sorry ass. He is not going to change at this point. You need to take care of yourself and your child. Plan. you need to plan. Carefully. Then leave.
Maybe he is working a 2nd job. $150.00 is not chump change, and he still has to come up with the rent. Maybe he is going to school or taking a class. What are you doing to make your life and the life of your baby better? Don’t waste all your time feeling sorry for yourself. Some educational campuses offer free or low-cost child care. Look in the mirror to look for your hero.
Get out of that relationship, quick while U can.
You can do better, you deserve better!!!
Oh I can relate, except I don’t get an allowance and I never get a shower by myself. I don’t get alone time or anything. I’m just now discovering there’s this thing called SAHM depression. And lord I have it. I love my kids but I’m miserable being stuck at home constantly and not getting any help. Same routine, different day.
You will get a lot more than any $150 a month by leaving!
Just make sure you have him in parenting classes before he gets ANY visitation rites if he ever shows up for your daughter that is.
Show your daughter what s string women is and leave you are already doing it in your own , but what you are doing is teaching your daughter it’s ok to be treated like a second class citizen by staying!! If you were your daughter would you want her to stay??? Really think about this please as a Mom of 3 girls and 1 Son be the role model she deserves!! He is obviously not going to.be it’s in you Mom !
Please leave find you a job and a good child care provider. At some point you will regret your child hate yourself and your husband too. If you don’t leave you need to at least show him this post that you have written. You are not just a mom! You deserve to have a full life. You need to get out and get you some “ you time”. Your husband’s doing it five days a week. You deserve so much better!
With this type of man, telling him “how you feel” will not work. It won’t. You can decide to stay, OR start planning on how to leave. MONEY is the key. MONEY will allow you to leave. You need to save, save, save the little bit that you get. You do not work, which was your choice, but that has put you in the position of being a dependent child with no income. You need help. Is there anyway you can find a job babysitting while bringing your own baby with you? Get paid to watch someone else’s baby while she goes to work, and watch your baby at the same time. A site Care dot com
has ads for babysitters wanted. Can you get a job at a daycare center, while bringing your own baby there with you, at a reduced cost for your own child? It may take a year or two years, but if you save up and HIDE your money, you will have enough money to make the move, while keeping on Government assistance to help you. Then find out how to divorce your husband. With this type of man, change is very very very unlikely. Sadly. YOU deserve better!
Leave him. This is abuse. People treat you the way you let them treat you.
Your mental, physical, and emotional health is top priority. If momma cant be calm then no one will be. the tensions will be high because even moms need breaks. So take a break. I will not hurt dad to watch daughter while mom gets pampered. If he has time to hang out with his friends he has time to spend with his daughter and his wife/partner. And shame on anyone who says otherwise. Parenting takes both parents. I know some folks dont have both parents but when there is it takes 2. Moms do need down time. I’m a mother of 4. And though I love my kids to death. I need a freaking break too. So honey go take some you time and dont feel guilty. And dont let anyone tell you any different. We stay at home parents run our selfs into the ground daily. And if anyone says different then they aren’t a true stay at home parent. Take some you time. Get some fresh air. Have a spa day. Get your hair done. Get your nails done.
Agreed, been there done that. Go somewhere else fast. You are better off alone!!!