My husband and I have been together for eight years. For some reason, if I do not answer his phone call, the world’s ending in his eyes. And I mean serious anger from him cuz how dare I do not answer when he calls (he’s never put his hands on me or anything). We both work full time, and when I get home, I have laundry and dinner to cook and baths and homework during school, etc., and sometimes I’m playing music while I’m cooking or something or my phones just not in my hand. At that moment! I’ve never cheated or been disloyal, and I have ANXIETY all day over missing one of his calls, and I just don’t think that’s normal, or is it? If I call him and he doesn’t answer, I just assume he’s probably busy, and when he sees it, he will call back. How do I bring this up without fighting? I’m at a loss and have no idea what to do. I love him with all my heart, and I’m just so tired of this issue.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband gets mad at me when I do not answer my phone: Thoughts?
I had an ex like that…he was a narcissist
You are married you have to learn how to communicate…seek God in prayer over it
He is being an ass!!! You have alot to do, he needs to understand when you have time you will return his calls!!! Tell him to grow up!!!
Why pay for you to have a phone if u r not gonna answer it maybe he feels like u either a. Screen his calls or b. He is genuinely worried something is wrong if u don’t answer c. One of u is/has cheating/ed
uh…answer the phone:woman_shrugging:
Leave. One day he will put his hands on you
One solution. Answer his fucking call… what if it is emergency and he’s in the hospital or dying and maybe he wants to tell youhis last words…communication is the key… if you don’t know how communication works Google it. Or just answer the fucking phone. It’s that fucking easy and you will have no issue. Duh!
Narcissist get out hun it will get worse.
Talk to him about it, good marriages can talk through issues, esp small ones like this should be. If he’s concerned something is wrong then I could see him being upset, but he shouldn’t get mad if he knows you are busy working/cleaning/with kids. If he’s mad because he thinks youre cheating, either you have before, or he has a guilty conscience, or just doesn’t trust you and that’s not a healthy relationship. This should be a easy issue to talk out, and if it’s not I’d suggest couples counseling, or if he just keeps getting mad over something so small I’d suggest leaving. Your husband should make you feel safe, loved, happy etc not have anxiety over a phone call
This is narc behaviour.
My ex was like this and the fact you feel you can’t bring it up without a fight! Sounds like you’re walking on eggshells…
You deserve better from him.
So you call him back when you see his missed calls?
Have you asked him why he is so worried/ agrivated by this?
Something isn’t right with this 
x
Get rid of phone cant call u then
Well, that poor man wouldnt like living with me then. My phones always laying about somewhere, not being answered. 
Seriously though, this is mental abuse. If it’s causing you anxiety. So, What’s the chances of you telling him, and there being no repercussions? Because if there is a chance, you just need to walk away. You can’t live like this, it only gets worse.
My husband freaks when I miss his call but it’s bc I have 4 kids at home and he is always worried if something happens. Just turn your ringer on, get a watch that goes with the phone so you can see on your wrist when he calls if you don’t have your phone on you. He could be like my husband who’s mind wonders to the worst of things, not cheating just knowing what’s going on in the world today he’s afraid of anything happening to his family.
Double standards are bullshit! The only thing I can think is he’s mad because what HE IS DOING when he doesn’t answer your calls!
I wish my husband would… walking on eggshells over a cell phone is not normal. His sense of entitlement is alarming. F*ck.him
Call him every 10 minutes and get pissed if he doesn’t answer.
He’s ridiculous. Period
narcisst alert. probably a red flag
If he is so concerned about why you are not answering the phone when you are doing house duties tell him to get freaking cameras 
that way you won’t have to answer and that way you can listen to music all day…
Seriously … if you don’t answer he needs to understand you are also busy at times. And when when your not you will call him back.
Get an Apple Watch and when he calls hit “auto reply”- I’m busy taking care of your kids honey
My husband did that to me and got mad when I didn’t answer, I turned the tables, now he doesn’t get mad
How come its okay when he doesn’t answer…? But its a problem when you don’t…? Sounds like he feels the need to control you. I work 3rds and have 3 kids. When I get home in the morning I don’t usually go straight to sleep so when I do finally go to sleep I don’t hear my phone. My man just texts me and says call when you get up or when ever you’re able. No man should make you feel so uneasy over not being able to answer a phone call.
Da fuk living like that… id be gone 
I’d ask him if there was a specific reason he gets angry. Maybe when you don’t answer he’s scared something might have happened to you. Maybe got hurt or something. I don’t think it’s normal, but maybe he’s scared for your safety, and when he gets scared, it comes out as anger? I’m not saying it is this, but ask him. My husband will sometimes call, and I’d miss it, and he’ll try again later, but I usually send a message as soon as I see it saying sorry I was doing whatever it was and just missed his call. Once, we lived in another town, and I had to walk kinda far to get to the school and shops. He phoned me, and my phone in my bag that wasn’t working right, picked up. And on his end it sounded like I was in trouble. He immediately jumped into the company vehicle, and came looking for me. He was scared I was being attacked. He was so pale, but super relieved that the kids and I were okay. So I think, just try and communicate. It’s super important. And if it is that he’s afraid something could have happened, maybe meet him halfway and say okay, as soon as I get home, I’ll text you to know I’m safe, but if after that you don’t reach me, you know I’m cleaning and don’t have my phone, but I’ll check every chance I get. But he needs to work on not freaking out all over you because it’s stressful. My opinion.
No that’s not normal, he sounds controlling. I would just tell him to chill and you aren’t always gonna answer you phone and it’s not a big deal so stop making it one. However he sounds like he wants the control so I doubt he will be happy about that.
Confront him with the fact that there are times when you call him, and he does not answer his phone. If he’s accusing you of not answering implying that there something going on, ask him if you should assume the same when he doesn’t answer HIS phone. Don’t let him get away with this controlling behavior, or you could be opening to door for it to escalate.
By the way, I’m not suggesting you engage in arguing with him. Simply present the facts.
It sounds like he’s insecure, lonely & you’re all he has. When you don’t answer he may feel that your ignoring him. Then it truly feels like his world is falling apart. Talk to him. Explain that you’re not ignoring him, you’re just busy. Try to get him to a counselor if I’m right.
Do you generally feel at liberty to come and go as you please, call/text whoever you wish, and spend money as you desire - or are you always afraid of setting off your husband’s rage? Does he repeatedly suspect you of cheating when you haven’t done anything? Does he try to control where you go and who you talk to? Has he messed up your relationships with your family and friends? Do you always feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him and do things his way, or else he will fly into a rage?
If you generally feel at liberty to do as you please, and the answer to the other questions is ‘no,’ it’s possible your husband has a traumatic memory of some sort associated with someone not picking up the phone, that gets triggered every time you don’t answer. At a time when he’s not upset, you could ask him what it is about you not answering the phone when you are busy, that makes him feel upset. If you ask him if he can remember the first time he got really upset when someone didn’t pick up the phone when he called, you might find out something like that he found out a loved one was dead after an unanswered phone call. Or maybe he found out a former girlfriend was cheating on him after she left his phone call unanswered. Or maybe he has a deep fear of some sort (like that something bad might happen to you while he isn’t home) that translates into anger when he thinks his fear might have come to fruition. Ever seen a dad get angry with his child for taking a risk where they could have gotten hurt? Sometimes men express their fears for a loved one’s safety as anger.
If you don’t generally feel free to do as you wish, and your answer to any of the other questions was ‘yes,’ you could be in an abusive relationship. In that case you should seek guidance from a licensed counselor ASAP and tell the counselor your answer to those questions - because it could only get worse from here, and he may eventually lay his hands on you. An abusive relationship is generally progressive - an abuser can be very charming at first, and only over time begin to control more and more of your life.
That is a sign of BPD. They associate you not taking a call with them not being important nor a priority. He not only is upset that you missed the call, but that you are also cheating. That is fear of abandonment and an insecurity. Read up on BPD. There’s not much you can do unless you get him used to you not answering. It can happen but you will go through hell first.
He gets that angry, and no hands yet,hands will be next. GET Him help as soon as possible.
Give him a dose of his own medicine. Start getting on his ass every time he doesnt answer so he can see how idiotic hes being.
For those making excuses for the husband… This is why women in emotionally/mentally/physically/sexually/psychologically abusive relationships have a tendency to stay with their abusers
To the op: that’s a serious red flag something is wrong and it’s not you honey I don’t care if it’s 8 days 8 weeks 8 months or 8 years it’s not ok and your children should not learn that that is an ok thing to do to a spouse or significant other the behavior he is exhibiting is unhealthy and damaging for them and for you as well
My ex-husband was the same way. I was a social worker and was either in meetings, with clients, or doing paperwork. He would get seriously pissed when i couldnt pick up
Tell him to grow the f*ck up… the needy little boy…
Treat him the same way… relentless tantrum throwing if he doesn’t pick up… u have been mothering him with this for far too long… who the hell does he think he is???.. perhaps he should get home cook dinner do the kids etc etc etc… and then u phone him while he is trying to get on… soon be a different story…
That behaviour is NOT right… its toxic and controlling … twat
Just tell him how it is…i don’t get angry when u miss a call so u dont get angry when I miss one…its that simple
When my hubby was doing that, it’s because he was insecure, because he was talking to other women. I would be at work in the middle of dinner rush and he would call me and get mad because i wouldn’t answer. Too controlling, gaslighting. He’s my ex now. Hopefully, you can work this out!
The comment about the cameras is so ridiculous who wants their every move watched. If he can’t understand you’re busy with kids/work/house work then tell him from the time you get home you’ll sit on your but and wait for his calls and he can do all the things you do from the time you get home till you pass out I bet he doesn’t last two days in your shoes and maybe just maybe he’ll back tf off if not you need to just straight up tell him it’s been 8 years wtf do you really think I’m doing when I don’t answer right away. And ask why he gets so pissed when you don’t answer. And see if you can come to an understanding. Because that has to be miserable or start doing what he does to you when he don’t answer go apeshit and see how he likes it bet he don’t
Get him therapy. It will help him
Often… Men who have a fear of being Vulnerable will become aggressive as a defense mechanism… In no way shape or form should you accept this. Aggression issues are something that need to be worked out… left alone and accepted those behavioral patterns will become erratic and unpredictable. I wouldn’t accept that type of behavior from a child much less a grown adult. But I also wouldn’t just approach him with the issue if you fear he is going to be violent… Bring a friend… A female friend. Someone he would trust… Because it will create a more passive environment and a safer place to discuss your concern.
He sounds like a wacko.
Maybe it’s because he needs something when he calls. I get aggravated when I call someone I need to talk to and get no answer
Sounds like you need a fresh start…
Sounds like an ass id leave if i was you
Sounds like an unhealthy/ controlling and mentally abusive man. Maybe he doesnt know what he is doing or maybe he does, its hard to say not knowing him at all. It may nothave anything to do with you being faithful, but someone in his past or multiple partners whohave been unfaithful. If you feel comfortable talk to him, if you dont think you can talk write it in a letter and ask him to talk about it when he comes home that evening. Suggest counseling if it is insecurities or what solutions he would consider because having anxietyall day is not healthy for you. Hopefully he will get help and you both can be happy.
I can’t hear my phone most of the time. My husband and I usually text more than call. Try that option
I’d have a calm conversation have him look you in the eye while you tell him to knock it off that you are not at his beck and call. I’d also tel him if he doesn’t knock it off then you’re going to require marriage counseling.
I don’t get why he’s getting mad. If it’s just hey honey I’m heading home then just one call of they don’t answer oh well but if it’s an emergency if they don’t pick up keep calling that’s how i view it. But maybe try and sit down with him and talk to him about it? If that doesn’t help then maybe see a therapist because there’s no reason to get mad
Look into what is the signs if mental abuse because mental abuse leaves way deeper scars than physical I got the joy of going threw both an my physical scar have heeled but my mental scars I am still having therapy over. If he isn’t a narcissist and u wanna make it work I’d try couples therapy. If u realize the mental abuse is bad meaning u can’t even tell him how he makes u feel about missing a phone call the u need reach out for help an leave
The fact that your asking how do you approach it without fighting means your scared of him?
X
Keep up the good work 
It’s not normal, I’ve had to question what’s normal and what’s not for years and I can assure you that’s not it.
Well when I was married my husband did this. It would make me so mad. I found out later he was cheating on me …
That shits me also.why have a mobile phone if you don’t answer it?
You’re afraid of talking to him without it becoming a fight… 
He’s a narcissist.
That’s abuse.
It WILL GET WORSE.
Please trust me, if you include the sentence, “He hasn’t hit me or anything”…He will. And you know it.
Second, you aren’t his child. Do NOT put up with this. Walk.
To me it sounds like he’s trying to get some kind of control over you. He sounds like he’s insecure but remind him that of all the other things you are doing when you get home which you haven’t mentioned if he helps out or not. Myself I’d tell him to just STOP!!
No that is not normal!
It’s controlling and obsessive.
That isn’t normal sounds controlling
That’s a form of abuse. You’re not there to just answer his calls. You are living a life and maintaining a household
It’s jealousy. Or possession. He wants to know where you’re at and who you’re with etc. Both are a form of abuse.
Well if you have anxiety all day about missing a call from him and you’re On here asking us about it seems like you are scared of him. I’m sorry but it’s not normal for somebody to be not concerned how about missing a call. I would simply tell him when I get home from work I’m busy I have things I have to do. If he doesn’t understand that then that’s on him
If you spend your day worrying about upsetting your partner just by living your life, you’re a people pleaser and he’s abusive. Go see a relationship therapist on your own, and see what they have to say about it. I think you’ll learn a lot about yourself and even more about your other half. That’s not normal, and neither is wondering if that’s normal.
Get him into therapy. Go together if he won’t go alone. There are things he can do to alleviate his anxiety, but making you anxious shouldn’t be one of them. Alert his GP to get him screened for anxiety/panic attacks.
Hope he gets to the root of the problem and faces his fears and with guidance and meds he can change his behavior.
Is this the only thing he panics about? Does he freak out if the kids are out of his sight? Does he freak out when others don’t answer the phone or is it just with you?
If he is a control freak or narcissist and refuses to see the problem, a professional can help you recognize the signs and help you escape before things get worse.
Look into the safest and most effective ways to leave him and have it handy just in case.
Tell him to grow up the world doesn’t revalve around him. Sounds like he is a controlling person. You need to talk to him and if he gets mad or angry about it then tell him to get over it. U deserve so much better. Good luck
You dont…he sounds craxy…thats emotional abuse and will get worse…if he wont get help move on your life will be a nightmare
If you’re afraid of talking to him without it becoming a fight, he’s a narcissist. I was married to one for 7 years. It will only get worse
He needs to chill ! You cannot be with your phone at all times
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband gets mad at me when I do not answer my phone: Thoughts?
Yah that isn’t normal! I would try to talk to him and explain to him exactly how you feel!! He shouldn’t get mad about it!
I wish I could help, but my husband dislikes it when I miss his calls as well. He doesn’t get like seriously angry, but he does get short with me about it sometimes.
Im sorry but i agree with him. Anything could be wrong. I tell my husband that he should always have his phone with and on him if we’re not together. I always have my phone and always answer his calls.
This isn’t normal at all. My ex was like this and I came straight out and told him my phone is not my leash. We had several conversations about it. Sometimes we are busy. Go outside. I might take a shower. Ugh.
U shouldn’t have to answer every time it’s him that has no trust in him self we all hear but like I say to him wht do u want lol
I think it’s a guy thing. Mine us to be the same way. Sometimes your business doing something. But they don’t understand that. God forbid if it was the other way around.
Uuummm tell yo Hubby’s to take a chill pill. It’s definitely a control issue! My husband doesn’t get mad at me when I don’t answer the phone, he just sometimes thinks I am mad at him when I don’t answer right away. Which is a insecurity my husband has about himself. If you feel like you can’t even talk to him without him getting mad than mabey it’s time for some counseling!
Im that way…be like that lol
Tell him you can’t always answer your phone and back off with the controlling crap…Enough is enough
Control issue. Tell him you’ll call only at such and such a time during the day or will only accept a call from 1-2 or whatever. Im not saying he is, but sometimes things mirror actions he sounds like he doesn’t want you to find out something . Try showing up some random time and see what’s going on.
Curious on what is his excuse for his anger? What does he say about it exactly?
I get upset when my husband is home with the kids and I can’t get ahold of him. It’s gotten better bc we have Blink security cameras so I can look back and see if they are home or not. We have an alexa where I can send qn announcement from my phone to call me and we have an Alexa Show where I can just drop in and see what they are doing and chat.
He can’t get upset with you if you miss a phone call here and there. Not everyone can get to their phone in time. Also your phone is not your leash! That sounds so controlling. You’re not sitting around waiting for his phone calls. You have things to do! You aren’t ignoring them on purpose and I’m sure as soon as you see that he has called you call him right back. That’s the problem with phones nowadays. People expect you to be available 24/7 and that’s just not the case. If something was to be wrong you would eventually find out about it. He can send texts and leave voice mails.
Husband and I have been married for 16 years. Not many happily. He always gets upset when I don’t answer the phone when he calls-and he always assumes that I am cheating, even if I’ve been at work. I am sorry I don’t have any answers for you-I just know your pain and frustration.
he’s using the phone to control you
this is a form of control
Tell him he needs to chill fuck off that is annoying ass hell. He needs to understand that your phone is not in your hand 24/7. You’re busy, you have shit to do. No need for him to have a panic attack. I’m sure you will msg or call him as soon as you are available and he needs to understand this. If he wants to catch an attitude about it, then there is something wrong. If he really loves you, then he will be understanding and trust that he will hear back from you.
Maybe he was in a bad relationship in the past and it’s a behavior he picked up from that. No even realizing that he’s doing it to an extreme degree. When y’all lay in bed tonight or tomorrow simply tell him that you get anxiety over missing his calls because you have notice how upset he becomes if you miss his call. Explain that as soon as your hands are free that you will call or text him back but with kids and choir it’s impossible to answer calls all the time. Ask him how he suggest y’all should fix the situation together. Suggest sending a text afterwards with a short description of the phone call (for example, just wishing you a good day, at the store need something?, I need to talk it’s important, etc.)
I would figure out why he gets upset? My husband gets upset but not angry but he gets upset because he worries really easy that something happened to me. So it mainly comes to being out and about or when I do longer drives, or late drives. He just gets anxious with that for things that have happened in his past. But I try to text him throughout so he knows I’m safe. But I would try to find out why he gets so mad, and tell him how it makes you feel when he gets so mad. Try to bring it up when it’s not a time that he’s mad about missing his phone calls. Things go better with less tension
It depends. If you’re working or handling official business and he knows that… leave him! Fast! But if you’re just out and about and chose not to answer… then that’s a problem! Communication is KEY 
to any relationship!
Social Media is not the place to get advice on your personal affairs.
Need to sit down and talk with him. Let him know that with working, family stuff needed done, you do not have your phone on you. And if he isn’t home, kids are in bed, you listen to music to clear your head. That you are not ignoring him, life just interups your concintration. That you love him, but him getting upset is not right. You have not given him any reason to question your loyalty. And ask him why he doesn’t always answer when you call him. Wait for an answer. Then tell him how you feel. Ask him if as a couple you could see a counselor to help with this matter.
Get rid of the phone…done
Explain to your husband of the situation & if he still upset over it then tell him why don’t you just walk in my shoes for few days & tell me you will always be able answer phone right away !! Stop getting up set makeing big issue over little things. If it’s important he can leave you msg.
He’s cheating, leave him.
Either you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel so that he can learn to calm down. Recommend that he be content with sending text messages and you try to commit to responding within a certain amount of time, but don’t give him exact numbers, because you don’t know exactly what you might end up doing at any given time.…
Or you tell him that since he is demanding an unreasonable amount of loyalty from you—in this case he seems to want you to be available 100% of the time, basically waiting next to the phone for his call—he needs to give you the exact same treatment. And I’m not talking “similar.“ I’m talking: Exact. Same. Treatment. 100%. He needs to be available every single time you call, absolutely no exceptions—ever. And if he misses even one call… Even ONE… You have the right to rip him a new one every single time. And when you do, you match his anger level exactly so he understands what it feels like on your end.
Of course, I would always recommend the first solution. It’s far less petty and it is peaceful, Since this is your best friend and partner in life we are talking about. But if he needs a visual aid and that’s the only way he will learn… Go with the second one.
Tell him to stop being a needy biatch
Usually the ones that have issues about certain things like this is because the accuser is the one doing something wrong. Does he go through your phone too?
Most men don’t like to talk on the phone therefore when we’re calling there’s normally a reason. I have 3 kids and once broke down in the freezing cold weather of winter time in Ohio. Mind u I was less than a mile from my house. Had all 3 kids with me. My wife was home with our other vehicle. However she wasn’t answering the phone. Situations like this is why you should answer your phone as a courtesy to your loved one. We also tend to worry something is wrong becasue it’s built in to our dna to protect so worse case scenarios rush threw our mind all the time. Just a little insight from a happily married man of 14 years
Domestic violence is not just about the physical. Control issues domestic violence. I think the comment about asking for advice on social media was spot on DON’T. Also I believe there are comments trying to justify why he needs you to answer however the part being overlooked is your husband gets ANGRY if you don’t answer, that is DV-control. Please seek professional help for yourself confronting him may make it worse & he will blame his anger on you.