What remains is that he asks that the 11yr old celebrates her birthday with a 2nd cake for the 8 yr old to cut as wellš
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My 12-year-old got a phone but my eight-year-old will not get one until sheās the same age I think your husband is overreacting because I told my eight-year-old she doesnāt get everything that her sister gets
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Personally I would sit down with him, just the two of you and have a heart to heart. Ask him why he feels this way and then explain your part. See if there is a mutual agreement you can reach. This would drive me nuts also.
No there are age differences. Set age goals, not who kid is getting something goals discuss in advance, agree, make chart if you have to. At age 11 you get a sleepover, age 16 you get to go get a makeover and make up, age 18 you can start dating. We had my husbandās children, foster children, nieces, nephews, and adopted children. We had to make age goals. We also made goals for number of Christmas presents because the older the children got the more expensive the presents were. So younger children got more presents, older one may only get one because it maybe a computer. Our children didnāt get phones until they were old enough to be left home alone which was over 12. It even went for their Braces.
Ask him if the four year old daughter needs a phone too since the 11 year old has one.
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the oldesr is the icebreaker. Second kids have to wait their turn. I can tell your husband was a younger child in his familyā¦probably the youngest.
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Weve simlar situation but both girls same age. Hubbys daughter is exact opp to mine. My daughters very good looks after stuff. In past step daughters sold her phone and ipad and couldnt understand why my daughters got replaced at xmas hers didnt. We down graded her phone etc instead. My hubby kicked off until as pointed out my daughters not one who sells her stuff.
Sit down , set out clear guidelines on paper ā¦
At what age should you be able to go to the park alone ā¦
What bedtimes are appropriate for what age ā¦ make a chart have it on the wall
Look this is what me and dad agreed on ,
When u reach this age we can ā¦
Then all.you gotta do is go , of course she can have a phoneā¦ when she gets to 11 .
Probably a tablet, but not a phone. Iād tell him that just because houd oldest may be doing it, that ut doesnāt mean that your 8 year old is ready for the same.
Your husband isnāt recognizing that fair doesnāt mean equal. If each child gets the appropriate treatment/material thing for their maturity level, then all three are getting what they need. Trying to make sure that each is given the same is counterproductive.
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I have a 14, 9 and 8 years old. The way I explain it to my too youngest when it comes to my oldest is everything comes at an age appropriate time. So if she gets to do something or has something itās because sheās older and they will have the same privilege when they are that age but they donāt need the something just because she has it
ā¦ A conversation that perhaps should have happened long ago before marriage and kidsā¦ And how you both would handle it? I wish you both well with positive outcomes.
He is being an asshole. I have 4 kids and they all got a cell phone when they turned 10. When my oldest turned 10, the other 3 didnāt get a phone just because she did, thatās ridiculous. If all three children were you and your husbandās biological children would he feel the same? Doubt it! I bet if that were the case he would be ok with them each getting a cell phone at a certain age and this wouldnāt even be an issue!
Then yall make a night fun for eight year when the 11 year old go to sleep over tell the eight year old not tell 11 year old do games with eight yearold build a big tent all lay in watch movies if you make eight year old have fun with yall while sister gone she realize even I cant do the things she does I can still have fun
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He should maybe see that every child needs their own personal relationships and identities and also how one child was held to age standards just like we all have to bid our times and bots not teaching them any values or skills in life by this and causes tension on the household smh But Iām curious how he reacts to if the role is reversed
Video him and make him watch it.
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Sounds like your husband news to grow a pair of balls an grow the fuck up an stop being a spoilt brat my kid is 11 an has a phone her sister is 8 an doesnāt have a phone there is 3 years difference ones mature the other isnāt just because one child has it doesnāt mean the other one does to thatās how they grow up to spoilt an want anything an everything
Jealously and pathetic. Tell him the 4 year old needs a phone aswell then 
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Yikes. Do you need to celebrate their birthdays on the same day too? Complete overreaction.
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This exhausts me just thinking about it. Heās like having another child. I know the answer but I canāt even waste my breath on his ignorance let alone if I had to live with it. 
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Well I think itās not fair that the 4 year old doesnāt get the same thing that the 8 year old gets. So if the 8 year old gets a phone so should the 4 year old!!! And guess who can pick up over time to pay for those two lines not you make him do it!!!
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Honestly. Family councling. He needs to hear it from someone besides you or her but he needs to also be heard. Family councling will do that
Goodluck
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Theyāre equals, but theyāre individuals.
This reminds me of my ex. Nip that behaviour in the bud like pronto.
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Mine are 12,8 and 7ā¦ my 8 yr old gets to stay up late,extr YouTube time,gets to help cook,gets to eat snacks in his room sometimesā¦ thing the other kids donāt getā¦ hes not the oldest or my favoriteā¦ he gets what he deservesā¦ he is the most helpful,he is the only one who picks up after himself,takes out trash AND replaces the bag,he helps with the baby,he takes care of his dog,he doesnāt talk backā¦ he is very well behavedā¦ the other 2 leave their crap everywhere,fight non stop,suck their teeth when they have to move off the couchā¦ it comes down to the fact that heās more mature and responsibleā¦ and just bc he gets snacks in his room and gets to stay up later doesnāt mean everyone does. He gets special privileges because he deserves them.
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How does the 8 Yr old feel.? Is she asking for a phone and sleepovers? Or is if just her dad. The girls are individuals and need their own lifeās. I agree that itās not fair that the 11 year old canāt do or have anything without the arguments of the 8 Yr old doing or having the same. 8 is to young for a phone in my own opinion. She could have sleepovers though. But not just because the 11 Yr old is at one. X
Just say to him different things will be appropriate at different ages when the oldest is going to pubs and clubs and drinking his girl wont be old enough and be ready it depends on the child and the age
He sounds very jealous or that his child is being left out in some way this could lead to the 11yr old maybe resenting the 8year old and your husband wish you all the best
The 11 year old shouldnāt be restricted from her friends having to bring over the younger sister. Sheāll make her own friends and have sleepovers in due time. And why not give the 8 year old something of equal but different value? Like a tablet. Sheās too young in my own opinion for a phone. I wish yāall the best of luck.
Better get that 4 year old an iPhone too then! Its only fair! My goodness. Privileges come with age and responsibility. This is how entitled Karenās are created
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Ok I feel obligated to advocate. Lol. That man and his daughter have a rabid case of daddyās girl syndrome. Do not take it personally. He isnt doing any of it to intentionally hurt you or your daughter. Iām not saying I agree or condone anything only that he is doing it out of pure love for his baby girl. Iām 45 and my dad still gets mad if the rest if the world doesnāt spoil me like he does.
Sorry to say , but it is hard to deal with dis functional scenarios.
When she is 16 and gets a car, will the 13 yr old get one too?? Tell me your hubby to pls stop. I was the 11 yr old, and had to even wear matching outfitsā¦ugh. just hated all of it!!
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I would just say āwell if the eight year old needs a phone too, might as well get the 4 year old one.ā And start saying it isnāt fair to the 4 year old and maybe that will snap him to reality and realize how ridiculous he sounds
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Who this behavior isnāt fair to is the 11 year old heās alienating just to make his daughter feel special. Sheās not and she needs to learn that the oldest will have things first because sheās the oldest and at the age that itās appropriate to have certain things and privileges. Iād do as others suggested and ask him if the 4 year old needs one, too, since the 8 year old apparently needs one. Itās just not appropriate and I would stand my ground as the 11 year oldās mom.
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Start insisting that if the 8 yr old get something then so should the 4 yr old! 
A taste of his own medicine might help! 
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His daughter your daughter thatās what the problem is you all are a combine family stop doing his and mine they should be our kids treat them as equals but give them space they both your children not his and hers
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Sooo when she ābecomes a womanā and gets her period for the first time is he gonna have a problem that his daughter doesnāt get hers at the same time?? I agree with Laura, say your 4 year old deserves everything too then, so he can hear how ridiculous he sounds.
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Crazy, there are āperksā to being older. NO the 8 cant do and have what the 11 does, period. Doing so would form a lifetime of entitlement!!! You dear are teaching her to be a Smith and Jones type person. I have 3, 2 girls 1 boy and the oldest did and got more tis the pecking order. With time this changes. Besides do you want an 11 year old wearing makeup cause her older sister does?? Does pops have a sister? Perhaps baby momma is bending his ear??? Life is hard enough with 2 raising a child much worse with 3. Both a bit young for phones no where near old enough for that type of āprivacyā my opinion. Pops needs to chill
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You need to be very firm and advocate for your child. You have three children all different ages, why isnāt he saying the same for the 4 y.o? This is very toxic and you might want to fix it before it becomes an issue.
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I understand the phone thing, but why canāt the 8 years old have a sleep over?
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Start getting the 8 year old age appropriate things if youāre bringing in stuff just for youāre 11 year old and not her than itās not right but 8 year old do not need phones ur right it might ease him if you bring in special stuff for the 8 year old we were definitely taught that if thereās not enough for everyone thereās not enough for one but sometimes one needs a little special attention also on the sleepover thing let the 8 year old have one of her own the 11 year old will start having harsh feelings if her sister is hanging and interrupting her friend time
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Heās jealous of that kid. Thatās ridiculous. My 15 yr old has things my 8 yr old does not.et him go buy that iphone for the 8 ur old and see what happens. Let him learn his lesson for his self. She will loose it or it will crack. My 15 yr old is from another marriage and I have two e my husband now I feel w this alot. The 8 yr old broke her phone and he finally realized sheās too young. Maybe a tablet w the cover the Amazon fire tablet. The older one is going to go hangout w friends I imagine some topics she would talk ab w her friends are not appropriate nfor the 8 ur old. 11 yr olds talk ab boys and periods etcā¦ let her hang out w the older kids and see how long it is before little ears hear things that makes dad flip.
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sounds all too familiar
He sounds like a child himself
Instead of a phone what if you get the 8 year old a tablet Iāve had an amazon tablet for 2 years still hasnāt broken when my daughter was 3/4 she dropped it and it didnāt break
Also I didnāt get my first phone till I was 17 and it was a brick phone with the snake game on it lol
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Why dont he find something else to make the 8 year old feel special. To my the 11 year old should have more privileges then the 8 year old and the 8 year old should have more than the 4 year old. So when he says that say well then the 4 year old gets a phone to because it wouldnāt be fair.
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I always made sure I bought for all 3 of my kids. I think itās really unfair unless itās their birthday. Just my opinion. If I bought a movie for one I bought one for all 3.
Going to Need to give him an age example.
Get some period pads 2 boxes and ask your husband which child is ready for these? Hopefully he says the older child, And the explain age appropriate experiences and items are given at the time that the child is ready for.
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Ur hubby is childish
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Thatās bull shot tell him to stop whining and get over it an 8 year old has no reason to have a cell phone.
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Ive been there. But i was the kid, well i was 17 that got stuff and whatever i got my 14 stepsister had to have. But i was also working and paying for my own stuff. There is no winning with people like that, thatās why my stepmom and my dad are no longer married
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This is important; your husband really needs to change, for the health of the whole family. You are not going to be able to help him because you are the mother of the eldest, the one granting favors. This will take guidance from a source he chooses and respects, preferably. Just insist that the person he chooses is trained in family dynamics and child behavior. Your doctor, school, religious organization, health department, social services - all offer low cost or no cost solutions and referral to other sources if needed. He must have been badly hurt as a child to respond like this, so be kind and patient while staying this course. You are on the right track.
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It sounds like he needs to grow up 
he canāt expect it to be like this their whole life. My comment back would be "oh so when 11yr old starts her period then 8yr old should start hers too then right? Or when 11yr old gets a bf for the first time ur going to be a okay with the 8yr old having one 3 yrs younger than her sister correct? If not then no she doesnāt need it just because her sister has it. That isnāt fair to the sister because she has that privilege now that sheās older.
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Tough boobs its your choice not his
Is there any way to make you see ur being ridiculous ? Or is it a lost cause ?
I mean itās his kid 
shouldnāt he know whatās best for his own kid. Just saying no one is going to tell me what my child is ready for.
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Im the second oldest and i didnt get everything at the same time my older sister did. He seems insecure. Almost like he thinks you dont like his daughter as much. Maybe try showing her more attention and he wont feel so defensive.
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I had my kids with a big age gap between so they canāt tell the difference.
Ur bf/husband sounds very annoying. If ur 11 years old is in the picture dont be shocked that she wants to go live with her dad.
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What about one of those kid phone watch for little sistet
Hah your husband is an ass and he needs to start acting like a husband and not like a baby 
My last partner and I split up for this very reason. We were NEVER on the same page when it came to rules and parenting and it drove me crazy for far too long so I moved out. Itās much better now that Iām on my own making my own rules and focusing on my own kids. My mental health needed it.
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Well when the 8yr old is the same age was the 11 yr old she can get one too! She had to wait til 11 right so whats the big deal! Maybe the 4yr old should have one too then dad!!
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The husband thinks that you donāt feel the same for his daughter as you feel for you eldest because she is not your biological child. You should randomly buy the 8yr old age appropriate stuff without buying the other girls anything from time to time. He is just looking out for her. Hopefully he will get that the 11yr old gets certain things cause sheās older and will see thisā¦Or he will NEVER see. Itās just one of the things that you go through when you have children from previous relationships or stepchildren. Hope hubby will come around 
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Whatās not fair, is your 11 year old having to deprive herself of any enjoyment because the younger one wants it too! Not sure if itās more the kid or the husband but they both need a reality check. My older sister got a phone before me, she got a later curfew than me, and she got to do many things before me because she was older! Thatās how it works. What about that is triggering to your husband?? Does anyone complain about the 4 year old not getting the same things?? I feel like he takes it personally because she is his daughter. He needs to get a reality check. His daughters time will come, but not at the same time and yours. Age is very important especially that young! No 8 year old needs a phone!
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Sounds like my family
Thatās not fair in my opinion. Thereās a definite age difference there, and no offense to your husband, but his daughter canāt always have everything her sister does. Your daughter has to be able to have her own things. She should be able to feel special!
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Itās a lost cause. Get out while you still can.
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Heās a bitch tell to STFU
Is the 8 year old going to get her birthday party on the same day? Wake up dad, is it her or is it you?
So start letting the 8 yr. Old to invite a friend. If no one can, itās not your fault. Then once in a while have the 8yr. Old tag along. They each need their own friends.
Hes being really immature. There is a difference between 8 and 11 in many ways. The 8 year old should not be getting special treatment. it sounds like you have different ways of parenting and you understand structure and discipline. This is why it would never work with my daughters father, just thinks everything has to be āthisā way and im sorry to say it may end being the reason yall split. I personally do what is healthy for my child mentally, emotionally and physically!
Wow dad sounds a lil petty, maybe he is getting grief from the 8 year old mother.
My suggestion would be to find special things for both of them. They should have the freedom to be individualsā¦maybe special mom daughter days and dad daughter days that celebrate what they love individuallyā¦just my suggestion. My kids are 14 and 11 and we have the same problem at timesā¦
It sounds like you need serious help with this man because he sounds like heās going to turn into āYOU DONT LOVE MY CHILD JUST YOURSā reallly really fast. He also clearly doesnāt care about fair, because in reality making the now 8 year old wait until 11 to have a phone is now whatās fair bc thatās when the other one got oneš¤¦š»āāļø