My husband got an attitude when I asked him to turn the music down..advice?

I just went on vacation with my husband & kids. My daughter suffers from migraines as well as I do. Whenever we go on a trip & my husband drives, he blasts music. My daughter & I will both tell him to turn it down. He might turn it down for a minute but then turns it back up. On our way home last night I told him it was too loud. He said I disagree. He turned it up more. He said sorry put on headphones. I was very upset about how rude he was towards me. He finally turned it down but I didn’t appreciate his attitude.

99 Likes

Get sound cancelling head phones for you and all the kids (the REALLY good ones that they use for the shooting ranges). Next, purchase the loudest portable speaker you can possibly get, and play Sesame Street songs from your phone at max volume EVERY time yall are all in the same vehicle (while you and all the kids wear your headphones). That should get a point across.

Don’t mind me, I’m just a member of A group where we give TERRIBLE advice :rofl::woman_shrugging:

I do agree on being prepared and compromising I also feel there’s no excuse for disrespect.

3 Likes

I’d tell my husband that he can respect me & our daughter or I’ll be taking trips with just my daughter. I can drive no problem.
His lack of empathy for both of you is concerning. Maybe try and seek couples counseling or leave him. Best of luck :heart:

2 Likes

Would be such a shame if the radio stopped working :smiley::rofl:

2 Likes

Did you have an active migraine? I have migraines as well . But when driving on Ling trips I listen to loud music. But there has to be a balance for yall. I would take separate vehicles.

Turn it off then see what he said!

It’s a 2 way road, if he’s driving and loud music is helping keep him awake, honestly the driver is the one person that absolutely needs to stay awake so put in some earphones. Now that being said, he definitely could have conveyed the message a little kinder.

1 Like

Start singing, you and your daughter loudly

Separate cars for any outings :ok_hand:t3:

I would refuse to go on vacation with him again.

That’s not safe either. You can’t hear sirens, horns blowing etc. He sounds like a jerk.

4 Likes

Marriage is about comprising, if it helps him with driving far distances than either buy earplugs or like he said headphones. My husband likes the windows down because it helps him stay awake, I like the air but I don’t complain because he is the one driving I just have the air on my side and it works out! My grandmother always said Marriage is never 50/50 it’s 30/70!

5 Likes

My EX husband used to do this. I’m much happier now.

12 Likes

I totally agree, My husband does this when I am trying to sleep, I think its so disrespectful.

2 Likes

I can see both sides. I think both of you need to take turns compromising. Sometimes he should turn it down and sometimes you and your daughter should wear ear plugs. It shouldn’t be him turning the music down every time to accommodate you.

10 Likes

When I get in the car after my partner has driven it first thing I do is turn down the music whether he’s there or not.

1 Like

Carry a baseball bat in the car

1 Like

This may be an unpopular opinion but as a driver…the main driver because my boyfriend doesn’t like to drive. I need my music on and to be jamming out, especially on long drives. Honestly leave your husband be and buy noise canceling headphones for you and your daughter. Or you can skip out on road trips with your husband…but I feel like that is far more extreme than you getting something to help drown out his music. On the other hand…if I were the husband I would have bought the noise canceling headphones for them myself.

Why go if you know he is like that, or take your own headphones, ear plugs if you know that’s what it’s going to be like.
When we vacation it’s some what the same, he doesn’t blare the music but some what loud. My husband usually drives when we vacation and likes it cold to keep him awake. So I know to take blankets for myself and kids, also bring headphones and ear plugs for ourselves to drown out his music. If he is the one driving, I want him awake and alert!! Usually drivers don’t want headphones so they know there surroundings .

12 Likes

Knowing he does this have urself prepared…simple

As someone who suffers from migraines, he could have been nicer about it. Seems like he hasn’t experienced a migraine, lucky him. :roll_eyes:And it seems like he doesn’t care for your kid well being also. I get it from both sides and consider getting headphones for yourself and kiddo, and not taking long distance rides with him. And just note loud music can damage your hearing over time.

I have to drive w.music… especially at night

Idk… He is driving a long way. If he needs the music to stay awake the only compromise is for you to offer to drive instead. He can’t listen to headphones while driving and you don’t want to use headphones so it feels like the only compromise is for you to make the hours long drive yourself and then you control the radio and he gets to sleep🤷🏻‍♀️

11 Likes

I get that he likes listening to music while he’s driving, but he should also consider your feelings as well. If you tell him that you have a migraine, then he should care enough to turn it down. I’d tell him to buy AirPods or headphones if he just has to blast the music while he drives. So sorry you’re upset. Try to talk to him and tell him that he hurt your feelings. Maybe try to explain to him WHY you wanted the music down. If he’s never considerate of your feelings, then I’d be reconsidering that marriage. Marriage takes compromising and working together as a team. I hope you guys are able to work it out. :purple_heart:

2 Likes

Buy headphones or drive a separate car. If he needs music to drive safely and stay alert then that’s what he needs to do.

It’s inconsiderate behavior
But also he sounds like a road trip and music kind a guy
It wouldn’t hurt to bring along some ear muffs. He could’ve handled it much better though…

3 Likes

Your husband is a child. I love loud rock music, my family does not. Guess what i don’t listen to when they are with me. It’s common courtesy.

22 Likes

Yeah, I feel you. He gets pissed off and will turn the music off. :roll_eyes:Lol.

If my husband is the one driving long distance and he needs loud music to keep him trucking, I’ll be buying noise canceling headphones lol

4 Likes

Drive yourself and then you won’t have to deal with it. And you can also listen to your own music (I hate my husbands music but I don’t let it bother me). He does turn it down some when we’ve got the newborn with us for obvious reasons. I don’t have any hearing problems but it does give me a headache. You could always use ear phones or ear plugs. If you got pulled over and he’s the one wearing even one, you could get a ticket because it’s not safe and came obstruct his hearing more than the music

If someone treats you like they don’t care about your feelings, your health, or - in this case: your hearing (mine was damaged by that) - or that of your child’s:
BELIEVE THEM.

It’s time to re-evaluate your marriage and if you want this for the next 5 years for you and your daughter.
If so: you’re telling your child this behavior is to be put up with and neither you as a wife or she as a child matter. Only he matters.
If not, start taking steps towards correcting it - up to and including divorce.
(Which was the best decision I ever made for me and mine).

57 Likes

As a fellow migraine sufferer I can emphasize. I suggest talking to him and telling him you feel hurt and that you and your daughter’s health issues were ignored. Work out a compromise if that means ear plugs and/or noise cancelling headphones for you and your daughter or setting the volume just a little higher than your preferred level, that is up to you and your husband to figure out. But you need to clearly communicate your feelings without making it seem like he is at fault for you getting migraines. I am sure you wish you could deal with loud music, tell him so.

2 Likes

I can’t drive unless music is loud… wear ear plugs or u drive.

Are people seriously commenting

“It’s obviously not blasting as he could still turn it up”

:joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:

I can blast music in my car - up till intolerable levels and yet still increase the volume on that too :joy:

1 Like

My rule is whoever’s driving controls the radio… Noise canceling headphones or headphones attached to a music source of your own is your best bet… myself I need music or something to stay awake wouldn’t take a chance on a sleepy driver !

16 Likes

If you know he does this then take ear plugs lol

1 Like

He sounds like an inconsiderate man! And the fact that he’s doing this in front of yalls daughter will teach her that’s how men treat women. Have a loving conversation with him about it.
:pray::pray::pray:

You& daughter are now deliverd in Jesus mighty name Amene. Be sure to thank Jesus for your deleverance and miracle healing Amene

1 Like

He won’t be loud if he’s 6 feet under…don’t know if that’s pushing it?

2 Likes

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that people don’t seem to understand a small child is being tortured with pain by an @ss#oles loud music and then he turns it up more and that’s supposed to be ok??? Do that to my child and hubby is going to have a much bigger headache bet that.

She asks him to turn it down and he turns it up? He sounds like a narcissistic bully. Don’t let him continue to bully you and your daughter. Tell him to start showing some respect or he’ll be on the curb

4 Likes

I listen to music loud whilst in the car gy myself or with my 11 year old. I listen to it quietly when my partner and/or my 13 month old are in the car. He’d rather nothing on or a podcast. And when we get into populated areas or near our destination and GPS is frequently giving directions he prefers nothing but that. We work together to reach a mutual satisfaction. Whoever is driving gets a slightly heavier opinion on the decision, but everyone in the car gets to weigh in. And if someone had a migraine or even a normal headache he’d do whatever needed to remedy the situation because he’s got empathy.

10 Likes

No man disrespects his wife n daughter that way. He should be a single man just saying leave the loser if he can’t be a decent human being. Then what are you doing with your Life if not making the best Life you can for your children. You have to decide what’s right for you and your children

2 Likes

I can see both sides but it’s a lot easier for you and your daughter to wear plugs or headphones. He can’t as needs to hear the road around him yo keep you all safe. Driving is really tiring at times and music often helps the driver. I think you need to compromise somewhere and the easiest way is for tou to get the ear plugs x

4 Likes

I don’t care what his reasons are, if he knows his child has a migraine and cranks up the music, he’s an abusive parent. Period. For those of you that don’t have migraines, you have no idea the kind of pain we’re talking about. I’ve never seen a pair of noise canceling headphones that will completely block out a radio blaring like that enclosed in a vehicle. There’s always a speaker close to you.

5 Likes

I’d turn it off conpletely and tell him that if he doesn’t care that we’re in pain because it’s too loud and he can’t listen to it at a reasonable volume that I don’t care that he wants to listen to music. Tit for tat.

7 Likes

As a person that usually drives when we are going away and I love love music (different types/language of music) I will put headphones on. I have small children and I have to be considerate of them, loud music can definitely hurt my infant ears so no brainer I will not put her through that.
You shouldn’t have to tell your husband to turned the volume down.
His child is in the freaking car suffering from a migraine is he nuts?

7 Likes

They make these cool little things called headphones that will help with this. Most drivers need the music to stay focused. Help drive or deal with the music. I’m a passenger princess so I deal a with whatever the driver wants to listen too.

1 Like

Ya he’s a completely unkind jerk… glad he’s not my problem

Honestly when I’m driving long distances my music is turnt!!!
I wouldn’t go anywhere with anyone who has an issue with this.
Wear earplugs or headphones listening to what you like.

1 Like

Well I mean I like the music “loud” but it’s because I can’t hear real well! When my boyfriend turns it “normal” I hate it because I can’t hear it then :woman_shrugging:t3: I mean it’s not his fault I can’t hear, but it is a thing so he has to adjust some also. So different folks, different strokes, all depends on the people and situation I suppose.

He’s the driver he’s the boss that’s my car rules

Turn off the music completely. The petty levels I would fkn reach would be off the charts if he did that on purpose to literally cause me and my child pain.

He may have been rude but I agree with him. Put on headphones. That way you know you and your daughter won’t be bothered with loud music. If he’s driving maybe he likes loud music. Maybe it helps him stay focused or even keep him from getting tired. It would be different if you had no way to lower the volume but you do.

that is how you lose your hearing. sorry he is a jerk about loud music but when you have others in the car it shouldnt be that loud i cant go pass a 10 in volume

3 Likes

Why is this man completely ignoring his daughters medical problem here? Literally no care or empathy, he’s the parent. If I told my dad I had a migraine or headache in the car the volume would be down instantly. He wouldn’t risk it. Thats really messed up and sad.

33 Likes

If you’re expecting him to drive long distances while you just sit there then yea, he can have the radio up however high he wants :woman_shrugging:t2: my husband and j take turns driving while going long distances and whoever is driving is in control of the radio and how loud it is. You don’t like it then get some noise canceling headphones

13 Likes

Get sound cancelling head phones for you and all the kids (the REALLY good ones that they use for the shooting ranges). Next, purchase the loudest portable speaker you can possibly get, and play Sesame Street songs from your phone at max volume EVERY time yall are all in the same vehicle (while you and all the kids wear your headphones). That should get a point across.

Don’t mind me, I’m just a member of A group where we give TERRIBLE advice :rofl::woman_shrugging:

2 Likes

I need loud music when driving, especially for long distances. Headphones or noise cancelling headphones for you and your daughter.

I suffer migraines and my daughter has started getting them. I live with musicians so it sucks. But they are always being nice and turning it down for us. Your husband sounds like an ass.

What a jerk!!!I hate loud anything -I would be Joe Dirting his butt at the closest gas station,!!!

Had a similar situation with my husband yesterday, but at home instead of while driving. He likes very loud (as in it can be clearly heard through the entire house, even with closed doors) music playing while he’s doing things, and I simply cannot focus on my own tasks with all of that going on, especially if I’m already stressed. I asked to turn it down, and apparently turned it down too much, so I just put white noise on my headphones to drown it out. Not worth the argument, imo.

He’s inconsiderate. It’s a shared small space. :unamused:

24 Likes

So you and your daughter have a Illness that is debilitating - and your husband blatantly doesn’t care

11 Likes

HE should be the one with headphones in. When I go on long drives with my kids we each bring or wear headphones if we want to listen to something different than the others.

So it happens every time you go on a trip and you know this and you haven’t done anything to prepare. Get you and your daughter noise canceling headphones or ear plugs and let him do his thing.! Pick your battles.

4 Likes

Your husband is an AH. To not care about your health or the health of your child is awful.
I like loud music in the car too, but only when I’m by myself. If my kids are in the car, I turn it down. If a passenger asked me to turn it down because it was bothering them, I would. It’s called being courteous.
Is he always like this with you? Totally disregarding your health and your child’s health?

2 Likes

I honestly see both sides to it. I need loud music when driving. Keeps me alert and focused. But nothing is worse than trying to relax in a car as a passenger with loud music. Compromise and get some noise cancelling headphones for you and your kid.

30 Likes

Ew! He’s so cringe! He should wear headphones! Damn! Next time, go without him!

sounds like u need a new one

If you know he like to blare the music why not take precautions before hand? Like bring earplugs or noise cancel out head phones? He turns it down some for a bit so he is trying, you both need to compromise … let him blare it for awhile while u wear ear plugs then he can turn it down for awhile or use headphones …

4 Likes

Just take a hammer with you on the next trip… if he doesn’t turn it down, then bust the radio out :woman_shrugging: I bet he turns it down next time or wears headphones lol

7 Likes

I’m noise sensitive as is my youngest. Your husband is being selfish & disrespectful by blasting music knowing it causes you both pain. I couldn’t be in a car with someone like that. When your need to be obnoxious & cause me pain is that important to you it’s over.

1 Like

Tell him to wear headphones!!! Problem solved. Your welcome​:sunglasses::notes::notes:

The amount of disrespect you women put up with is astounding. If your spouse doesn’t care that what they like literally puts you & your kid in pain then that’s a shitty husband plain & simple. I would not be with a “Man” who choose to put me & my children in literal pain.

He needs to be an adult and use headphones if you guys are suffering from the noise and be a bit more merciful. Sit him down privately and have a discussion with him about it. Maybe try to discover what made him be so inconsiderate in the moment, understanding where he is coming from, and try to reach a point of compromise between the two of you. He may be dealing with things in his mind, spirit, or body that caused him to react so callously. He’s got to recognize that he was in the wrong. Just because he may not suffer from the same affliction, it doesn’t mean that other people don’t or that it’s not real.

For all those saying it’s illegal to drive with headphones on. It’s like that lie your parents told you about the inside car light while driving

if he does this all the time, then don’t go on any trips with him, If this was the first time he ever did this, then I would say he’s an ass, But you said he does this all the time, And again don’t go on any trips with him, And if that is his only fault in your marriage, be glad

Maybe he’s deaf from you whining every mile he’s ever driven :grinning:

10 Likes

He wants the music up and he can he doesn’t have to obey what you tell him. You know he likes loud music so why didn’t you pack things for you and your child like noise cancelling headphones? No instead you have to be bitchy and tell the poor man he can’t listen to his music. Knowing he likes to. put headphones on like he said. Sounds like he’s constantly giving up what he wants for you and your kid give the man a break and let him play his damn music. Sounds like you just like setting him up to be bitched at

Some ppl have to drive with music blasting just get noise canceling headphones and what you said he said doesn’t sound like an attitude

14 Likes

Don’t go on trips with him I’d bet he’d be more than happy…that was most disrespectful do snt care but your feelings and your daughter that concerns me !

7 Likes

Maybe it’s time for him to go see a hearing specialist. I personally hate when people blast music and have to shout over it to have a conversation. It’s just rude and inconsiderate.

Quiet honestly he sounds like a self centered asshole.

My husband does it occasionally too with his new rap that all sounds the same( I’m more of an old-school gangsta rap & r&b kind of gal :laughing:)& I get so mad & annoyed. I’ll scream at him about my ears , the kid ears, he usually turns it down but once in awhile he’ll be a jerk like yours so I’ve threatened to stop going in the car with him to solve the problem. Loud music in the car helps relax him unfortunately, while it just gives me a headache (especially if I’m not into it.) He doesn’t do it at home so it’s not really a deal breaker but it can definitely be a nuisance. Maybe you should drive from now on to control the volume, say you can’t see the streets/concentrate with the noise distractions .

Was he the one driving? If so it may help him stay awake…also people who have anxiety it helps hide all the stressful noises around you so you can focus…maybe try looking for his reasons

I don’t know if it will work But what I did to my husband is whenever he was doing something at home or trying to watch a show I would turn the music on and turn it up and it would be songs he did not like and I said now you know how I feel whenever you do it to me when we’re in the car and after a few times he stopped

You know it’s not the 1st time he’s cranked up the volume sooooo unfortunately you both have 2 options not going or putting on noise cancelling earbuds/headphones because he doesn’t give a DAYUM about both of your migraines and he’s not about to lower the volume

He’s putting everyone at risk with music playing so loudly. He can’t possibly hear sirens approaching.
Other than that, he seems to be an immature narcissist. Get out.

4 Likes

Maybe it is because you TELL him to turn it down. Maybe if you ask him to please turn it down because it is giving you a headache his response would be different? The TELL part was taken right out of your post.

Why doesn’t he Bluetooth it in a headset for himself so he can have it as loud as he wants…i get migraines too, if my SO wants music that bad for whatever reason he just pops in his bluetooth.

Two things. I’ve been on both sides of this. When I drive long distances I have to either have music going or someone stay awake and talk to me. My family knows this and all have headphones for trips. I’ve had similar attitude myself as far as it’s either music or we might get in an accident. Due to seizures, my husband doesn’t drive, therefore if we are driving somewhere I do all the driving. They generally just go along with the music. However as a migraine sufferer myself I get the loud music thing. I would probably have tried my hardest to go no music for the sake of my suffering child for as long as possible. Maybe a hotel for the night could have been a solution or if his reason was safety, you should have tried a conversation to keep him awake/focused or took over driving if your able. That all being said, if his reason for the music isn’t to keep himself awake/focused, then yes that was a jerk move and even if it was he definitely should explain himself better.

1 Like

Nicole Bailey are you forgetting she said the child suffers was suffering from migraines? Why is he putting his child thru that? So it isn’t a whole if you’re just gonna sit there while he drives dynamic here

Smh . Cause he wants to hear music. He’s right if ur aware that’s what makes him happy during driving u should have arranged some ear plugs or something. No one like a happiness killer

Next time you go in a different car with your daughter and problem solve

Dont go to places with him

Good grief get the man some air pods and stay off the Internet. This is not as big of a deal as you are making it :flushed:

1 Like

He’s a douche. Turn the music down you jerk!

3 Likes

I personally do not like any music playing when I drive. I want to be able to hear any emergency vehicles.