I jus thad a gender reveal and my husband and I didnt know until we did the reveal and i am so upset because you could tellhow upset he was when he found out we were having our 4th girl…he legit went into the house and slammed the door…is this normal behavior? like i wanted a boy too but we cant really change it and now i feel like this moment was ruined
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband got mad at our gender reveal: Advice?
Disappointed is ok. Gender disappointment is real and ok.
Acting out like THAT, in front of other family, friends, your OTHER DAUGHTERS is NOT ok. And he does need to understand the difference.
If your other girls WERE there and witnessed this behavior, he owes them and you an apology, regardless of his feelings being normal and ok. The behavior was NOT!!(wanted to reiterate that part)
Gender disappointment is a real thing. His feelings are valid, you can’t be mad that he’s upset he isn’t getting the son he always wanted
It’s one thing to be disappointed but to act like a baby yourself especially in front of other people about having a girl… I can’t imagine witnessing this behavior from a grown man to be honest. Imagine how his three girls feel￼……
Being disappointed is one thing but throwing a fit is unacceptable. Think of the message he sent to not just everyone but to his daughters.
I sat in the waiting room pregnant with my 4th child, waiting to have my sonogram that would tell me if I was having my 4th boy or 1st girl. A lady came out crying and upset along with her husband who was smiling so big. He said they found out they were having their 4th boy and he was very happy, her? Not so much, lol. It’s normal, he said she’s going to love their child no matter what but that she needed to mourn the idea of having a little girl. Congratulations on your 4th baby girl!
You cannot tell someone how to react. This wasn’t his first rodeo. First kid you are excited no matter what. Then a second comes along and you hope for the opposite gender so you get one and one. He got two girls, which is beautiful. Then a third… he just wants a boy TOO. Someone to carry on his name for a new generation. It’s a legacy thing for many dads. They are happy with 20 girls and ONE boy. He is allowed to be upset and express it how he wants. I’m sure he will look back and feel bad, but he was in a moment. It’s ok. Promise.
How immature and ungrateful of him! I worked as a midwife for years and will always remember a terrible shift when I sadly delivered a stillborn baby first thing. Later on I delivered a couples healthy baby girl and because it was their 3rd girl the fathers behaviour was awful!!He sulked and refused to hold his beautiful daughter and left saying he was going to the pub to “drown his sorrows “. I really had to bite my tongue knowing that the couple earlier would have given anything to have that live healthy baby. I get that maybe he would have preferred a boy but a healthy child is the outcome that’s important at the end of the day. Please read him this reply and let him know how lucky he is
Does he throw fits like this often? I ask because this is a no-brainer: his response was horrible and doesn’t bode well for your future daughter. Seek out couples counseling, and if your daughters witnessed his fit, he owes them a serious apology.
Unpopular opinion: don’t have a gender reveal for baby #4 if you both really want a specific gender. Find out by the medical professional and then give yourselves time to come to grips with reality. He should not have reacted that way, but this could have been prevented.
Can be 100% normal and it’s totally ok. Good on him for going inside and taking himself away from the situation to calm down. Gender disappointment doesn’t mean he won’t love her, it just means he needs some time to adapt to the idea because he was hoping for something different
Only God knows if you’re having a boy or girl. The way I always looked at it was as long as my baby is healthy that’s all that matters. Prayers…
It’s a blessing to have a child,for him to be upset is ridiculous behaviour,some people don’t even get the chance to be parents.
I’d agree his feelings are valid but how he chose to behave wasn’t acceptable.
I would be embarrassed for him!!
People saying this is normal when the behavior is totally immature and uncalled for. seems to be like he cares more about the gender than the actual child herself. It’s totally normal for people to want their child to be a certain gender, and be disappointed to an extent when the child ends up being the opposite gender. He should be happy about the little life he’s bringing into this world. Was his behavior not embarrassing? He definitely ruined the moment for everyone. His disappointment is something he should have kept to himself. I’m sure your daughters felt some type of way about it too.
Gender disappointment is normal and common. I would react the same way if I had 3 daughters and found out our 4th was a girl
So women can act out and men can’t… let’s stop being biased… just cuz he isn’t carrying the child doesnt mean his emotions should be overlooked… every man wants a son to carry on his legacy… he’ll be fine… y’all can try again…
Can’t believe I’m reading this, how about finding out there was no heartbeat or the baby had a life threatening condition, it’s a baby, it’s a bouncing healthy baby, regardless of gender there’s a lot to be happy about that a lovely new life has been created, he needs to be grateful for the gifts he has
He sounds emotional and should try smiling more
I totally get it. When I found out I was having my fourth boy I was totally crushed I wanted a girl so bad. Then I got pregnant with twins and one of them was a girl oh my gosh I couldn’t believe it haha I finally got my girl
Omg for real!!
You have a son by the sounds of it… maybe a tad entitled and somewhat shallow … hopefully he gets out of the terrible toddler by the time you go into labour
Ridiculous behaviour - you are both so lucky that you are able to have 4 healthy babies. Gender is completely irrelevant
i cried finding out we are having our third boy for months lol this is our last baby and the thought of never having a daughter breaks my heart. i’m 6 weeks away from having him and i’m just as excited as i was for my other two boys. it will get better! it’s completely normal
Honestly, when I was pregnant with my 2nd I did my first gender reveal. I didn’t hv one for my 3rd. I wanted a son and was hoping n just thought I was then found out it was a girl. I was so upset I had to take a moment went to my room and cried. She is 4 years old now and couldn’t imagine it any different. I adore her and love her so much. He has a right to his feelings but there is a time n place to show it or talk about it, he shouldn’t hv slammed the door but he is disappointed and will eventually get over it, hopefully. I would be upset he slammed the door all up in a tizzy and the embarrassment and tell him that but also let him know I understand how he feels and I care about his feelings too.
I feel like he can be upset but being irrationally angry and aggressive about it is extremely concerning
Gender preference is such an issue in the world. As women- we need to stop this and “gender reveals” are a good first step.
We are simply lucky most of us live in first world countries… in some others (shudder)… they are disappointed and then they take the baby down to the river. His behaviour is horrible, disgusting and shameful.
Maybe it’s time to stop participating in “gender reveals” and start celebrating being pregnant with a healthy child… something millions don’t get to experience.
Read “From Courage to Outrage” one day. It’s life changing.
Hes allowed to be disappointed, how ever carrying on like a 2 year old child who doesn’t know how to regulate their emotions is where the problem lies. He owes an apology for the way he chose to carry on infront of everyone.
Maybe someone should have thought about this possibility and just let your doctor tell you or had a private thing. You must have seen the potential for this reaction? Maybe I am a party pooper but with all of my kids I found out first (intentionally) from my doctor, I told my husband in private, and we told everyone else. Gender reveal has become such a circus but I think that is too intimate or a moment to share with anyone (even my husband lol).
Why do you need a boy when your husband acts like a child already?!
Like others have said, disappointed is normal, real, valid and ok to vocalize.
But this reaction is not ok! Not even a little.
Especially not in front of your other daughters!!
When I was having my 3rd I wanted a girl so bad but I another boy and I cried a little. But I certainly didn’t slam doors!
Just had my 4th and got that girl.
I very much felt this way when I found I was having my 4th boy. I didnt even tell people when I found out because I needed to get over my disappointment at first. Im sorry he made a little bit of a scene. Thats why Im not a fan of gender reveals when the gender is so important to one or both parents because they dont get to feel their true feelings in privacy. I love my son, all 4 of them and wouldnt change them for anything but I really did want a sweet little girl. I understand him.
He should be glad it wasn’t baby girl #7…I have 7 boys and I was always terrified I’d be told I was having a girl!!!
Gender reveals are ridiculous. And if you have 3 daughters and really are hoping for a son, you shouldn’t have thrown a shock party for yourselves.
If you’re going to be that upset, find out the gender at your ultrasound, in private.
Not sure what advice anyone can give. You made a bad choice throwing a party. What’s done is done. Move on. Have your daughter. He’ll be fine.
I cried when I laid there and told me I was having my third boy I was absolutely devastated. I even struggled to bond with him well until he was about 3. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love him but it definitely effected me and still does.
It’s called gender disappointment to have the feelings. It’s called being g immature to be slamming doors like a toddler or teenager. Grow up. While yes he wants the boy… slamming doors and showing everyone the @ss he is being doesn’t change the gender.
Hopefully if someone was recording it, your babe never sees it. It’s fine to be disappointed. It’s not fine to act childish by throwing a fit and slamming doors.
Gender disappointment is true thing. Even though my last baby was a tie breaker I had to accept she was a she and not a he
It happens like that all the time but I think it’s pretty cruel to both mom and the future child. If they ever see or hear about the gender reveal, they will hear how disappointed her dad was about her arrival.
Be thankful that you end up with a healthy child.
That’s why gender reveals were never a thing.
Too much disappointment if you ask me.
But I think your husband is the boy you never had
I think he has plenty reason to be upset. Maybe overreacted a little but it’s a real thing to have gender disappointment. He will be the same great dad he’s always been, just give him time to grieve the idea of his first born son.
I’m a mom of 4 boys, the first two I was over the moon excited they were boys bc I wanted boys, when I got pregnant with my third and heard boy again, I was done with babies their dad got a vasectomy while I was 6 months pregnant, I accepted I’d never have my girl, then 3 months after having my third I find out in pregnant again (he never got checked ), everything about the pregnancy was different I was so set I was finally getting my girl, sonogram comes, I saw it, the sonographer saw it, my now ex saw it, we went past it, did measurements, until he goes are we gonna address the elephant in the room and say it’s a boy, I was crushed, like fully heartbroken, yes a healthy baby is all we ever wish for, but having hopes and dreams and expectations to have them crushed is real, I bawled for WEEKS, not ashamed to admit it, my dreams of having a little girl to dress up and do mommy daughter things with were gone, I wouldn’t change my boys at all, but seriously it was hard to swallow. Give him his time to process it, give him time to let it sink in, does it mean he isn’t going to love the baby, no! Does it mean he’s gonna treat her any differently, no! But he needs time to adjust and adapt to not having that father son bond he was aspiring to have.
I’ll never forget my friends gender reveal for her 4th boy, she started hysterically crying and we all felt so bad then she stormed out of there and it was so awkward.
Hes just upset he isn’t having a boy which is probably what he is hoping for and thinks now he will never have a boy. Gender disappointment is a real thing but he will get over it and love the baby just the same as all the other babies u guys have.
Totally okay. I had the worst gender disappointment myself. I threw a tantrum in front of everyone. It doesn’t mean he will love her any less.
Gender disappointment is real & it affects people differently im 7 weeks from having my 6th bub my 5th daughter & it felt like I lost a son the day I found out I was having another daughter it took weeks alot of tears & alot of frustration before I finally accepted I was having another girl my partner is a dad to 9 kids 8 that are girls & he didn’t care in the slightest that it was another girl he actually said from the start it would be a girl my other children on were very much like me they also suffered gender disappointment for the sister they were getting when it was a brother they wanted its hard & it affects differently my best advice would be just to give him some time to accept that he is having another daughter & in some ways mourn the son he won’t have but was obviously hoping for
With 4 girls he likely cannot produce boys and that is something he needs to come to terms with.
Just like most mothers dream of a daughter fathers always dream of playing catch etc with their sons, for me I didnt care just wanted a healthy child, but for him its obviously something he set his heart on.
Give him a week if his not over it its time for a serious talk.
It does happen.
He can feel disappointed but doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a girl, 4th girl he probably just hoped for a son.
Unfortunately it’s not something we can pick an choose.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Let it sink in.
This was me when I found out I was having my 3rd boy. I told my husband I would be upset, then he got mad at me for being upset.
For people asking why he isn’t allowed to be angry, because causing a scene like that infront of family friends and your PARTNER who is the one that’s pregnant is out of order. Yes, gender disappointment is real and his feelings are valid but making people feel uncomfortable and upsetting your pregnant wife isn’t valid. X
Gender disappointment is real. I felt it when my 2nd was also a boy. I wanted one of each. But it doesn’t change how much I love him now that he’s here (and has been for 18 years)
What isn’t ok is making a scene and being visibly angry over something you can neither control or change.
I have all the faith in the world he will love this girl as much as he loves the other 3, but he owes you and the rest of your family an apology for his childish behavior.
He’s a man baby!!! But I do kinda feel sorry for the guy. He’s swimming in the estrogen ocean! Lol
I’m just saying… if my last was a girl, I would’ve thrown the whole cake and popped every single balloon in rage Gender disappointment is real, and it sucks. Be patient and be gentle with him. When the baby gets here, it will go away. But don’t be surprised if the remaining months are hard for him. It’s normal. I am sorry that he caused a scene though. That must’ve been hard on you, and you didn’t deserve that.
I feel for him I was crying with my first one bc he was a boy I wanted a girl, but I got over pretty quickly and my first born was a mommas boy. He’s 16 now
I was a sobbing baby when I found out I was having my 3rd boy. It’s normal just give him time to process it
This was me when we found out our first was a girl. I was so convinced she was a boy and once the pink showed I walked away and was so mad for about 2 days afterwards.
Now I have two girls and honestly wouldn’t change it for the world.
Gender disappointment is a real thing. He wanted a boy but is getting another girl. Doesn’t mean he’ll love that baby any less. He’s allowed to feel a certain way.
He’s acting like a child… a baby no matter the gender is a blessing. Some people cannot even conceive. Tell him to stop being a selfish baby and be a father that will love his child no matter what
He needs to grow up. He is having a healthy baby girl. Many couples would love to have a child. He will have four beautiful girls. Tell him to man up and be grateful.
Gender disappointment is normal, but In al honesty sonograms aren’t %100 accurate so there could be a chance it might be a boy. Not saying get your hopes up but keep in mind it could be a different outcome! Try to look at the positives. He’ll still love her regardless in the end
If you want to keep trying…. I’m pretty sure my aunt had 5 boys before she finally got her only daughter. They say she just really wanted a little girl. Just saying it can happen… but it’s totally understandable that most people aren’t going to have that many kids these days.
I cried hard at the ultrasound for my second son, I wanted a girl both times!! I felt bad with the nurse seeing my disappointment, she said it’s very normal. Of course once the baby comes, you forget all about that.
He went into the house and slammed the door. Big deal, give him time. Some of these people act like he started yelling outside or something.
He has no right to act that way, he should be thankful he is given the opportunity to be a father to children regardlessli if it’s a boy or girl, I wonder how your other girls feel
Gender disappointment is real and perfectly normal…BUT his tantrum behavior isn’t. Very unattractive response from a grown man…honestly I couldn’t imagine watching an adult male behave like that over having another daughter…sounds like he has other issues, like controlling/managing/expressing emotions. Disappointment and simply throwing an actual fit over it are two very different things. Honestly If he acts like this about that…something tells me he acts out in this fashion with other things anyways. But only you know if that’s true… so If it’s true… I wouldn’t take it any different than anything else as it sounds like this is how he expresses emotions. Albeit an immature turn off kind of way…but Sounds like you have yourself 4 daughter’s already and another on the way from his behavior As a mom of 2 boys and 1 girl who is convinced she will never have another girl 4 daughters sounds exciting to me… Boys aren’t nearly as fun…of coarse you have to usually find that our for yourself lol We all usually want at least 1 of each other gender so I get it. Congratulations!
I won’t be much help cause me and my husband are beyond excited about our first and could care less about gender.
But I have heard of alot of dads who are like this and are okay after a bit and given time to accept it.
I couldn’t imagine though I’m so sorry
If my husband did that I’d be heart broken.
I probably would do the same knowing that I have three boys already I want me a little girl but I would wait until I’m alone
I have 3 daughters and didn’t find out any of their genders , contemplated it with out last , but as my husband really wanted a boy I thought best to just let him be handed the baby that way he wouldn’t disengage during the pregnancy if it was a girl . I’m sure this dad will be fine once he accepts that he is getting another daughter .
Wow! This is really saddening on both parties of disappointments. A child is a blessing and whomever storm’s away like a child should think twice regarding the true meaning of being blessed.
Being unhappy with the gender of a Baby is acceptable however when you make it seem like it’s the other person’s fault it’s horrible. Then you stop talking to the other person. Giving the other person bad vibes…WTF…deal and move on.
The child picks these feelings up and it negatively impacts the baby
His feeling are valid, he had the right to be upset, I think his heart was set on boy so it’ll take a little time for him to process it.
Let him get it out of his system. He will love her no different when she is born.
Wow. That’s a bit immature. It will take a little while to get used to the idea. Just tell him to be happy she will be healthy. I can’t imagine. So sorry. Prayers for you and him.
He needed to digest something he wanted, didn’t get, and can’t change. He’s human. Give the man a minute. He’ll be okay.
Gender disappointment is real and it hurts. You can’t explain it to someone who doesn’t understand it. I know how that feels. It’s also why ours was done privately. Give him time.
When I had my gender disappointment earlier this year I cried for like a week because I was so hellbent on having a boy. It was really difficult for me to come to terms that I was having a girl but I never got “mean” or mad just really sad I wouldn’t be having a boy
My husband has 2 sons from a previous relationship that I’ve helped raise for several years. When we got pregnant with our first I was ecstatic. When we found out he was a boy I cried. I was still happy but I was sad, knowing the possibility of trying for a girl would likely not happen. Give him space and give him time. I’m sure he is happy he just needs to process
My husband had 4 boys before me, I said let’s try for a girl, I was head strong and thought “It’ll be a girl he’s already had enough boys” got the gender…nope. It was a boy. I was disappointed and sad and frustrated cause I kept telling myself it’ll be a girl I’ll have a girl and it wasn’t, I love our now 5 year old to death, he is my mini me, I love him so much, he was a dream baby, slept all night after we brought him home, didn’t know he was getting teeth until we felt cause he never fussed, he made me think I could have a second just like him so I said let’s try one more time, no matter what it’ll be 2 and through. Got the gender ultrasound…my husband had two changes for a 3rd times the charm…he failed both times lol and I was saddened that we didn’t get a girl again but I got the second baby like my first one…a boy. Attitude wise he’s the opposite, I love them both to death, our now 3 year old is my best friend and he loves to make people smile and laugh. He my shortest best friend lol. Your husband might be upset now but he’ll calm down and get over it. Sorry my comment is kind of long but point was I kind of felt the same way. It sucks when it’s not the gender you wanted but you still love them. As long as they’re healthy that’s all that matters. Hope this helps.
It’s fine￼. Yes as long as everyone is ok , be thankful, some can’t have kids never mind 4! blah blah but disappointment is real. It’s a shame it tarnished the reveal but he’ll get over it and love his new daughter as much as the others. My ex sil and her husband were hoping for a bit and each go of trying resulted in 5 girls! They didn’t love them any less. Having girls isn’t all dolls, bows and frills.
It’s really sad that he acted like that in front of people especially at an eventthats supposedto bring happiness. It’s ok to be disappointed but you dont need to walk off and slam doors, you would think that it wouldn’t matter just as long as the baby is healthy. There are people out there that will NEVER get to experience this feeling.
Just had my 5th girl, we were both definitely disappointed everyone handles things differently though
Gender disappointment is real. He is allowed to feel how he feels.
Is this going to be your last? I could 100% understand this reaction if you both agreed this was your last and he had dreams of having a boy. Doesn’t mean he loves the baby less but you gota give the man some time for his dream to die. Harsh way to put it but to him it may feel like that
I cried when I had my ultrasound and they told me I was having a boy again for the third time, the 4th was a girl and also the 5th and 6th were too !
That aint normal behaviour, cant change what you got blessed with
Women do it all the time , a man should have the same right without being overly judged, a gender disappointment is very real and is absolutely valid , that doesn’t mean that you will not love your baby as you love the others
Normal? No. Red flag? Absolutely. My sisters husband put his fist through a wall when he found out they were having a girl.
Immature reaction on his part
This is another reason people should just look at the screen in the doctors office. Throw a party just to be mad
I have 4 daughters and we did not know the gender till they were born. All we wanted was for our baby to be healthy. My husband was just as happy with our healthy girl. And he grew up with all sisters and no brothers. My husband is one of a kind. He says you don’t deserve a baby if you don’t appreciate Gods gift of a healthy baby. I agree.
My husband said, “will fuc*” when he found out we are having our 5th boy. He got over it. I say it’s normal behavior. He will get a grandson.
My husband was disappointed when we found out we were having a girl but not to that extent he got happy after the shock now he’s excited as well I don’t think that’s normal or maybe he just need time to process it
Why is everyone so judgmental lol. Let the man be mad.
Gender disappointment is real and ok…this is why I’m not crazy about gender reveals…it happens too often and sometimes it hits folks who didn’t even realize that they were hoping for one or the other so they’re just as shocked and surprised as everyone else is by their own reaction and they are now embarrassed and feeling another whole different set of emotions and everyone is judging them. The only time it is something to be concerned about is if this continues after baby is here or escalates to become more serious.
He acted immaturely but he will love your daughter. He wants a son to carry on his name and do father son things with. He was disappointed and acted poorly but I would just let it go. He may come and try to talk. Just let him talk and get his feelings out without telling him he ruined the party.
Gender disappointment is just as real with father’s and although it may not have looked the best and seemed like an overreaction, the feelings he was going through must have been strong enough for him to know he needed to walk away to express them. He slammed a door and stormed off, I didn’t see anything about a tantrum. It must have been a shocker for everyone to see him react like that, but those are understandable reactions with intense disappointment and the loss he felt right then. Regardless, he’s gonna love that baby just like every other one of your girls. And I doubt he meant to hurt anyone’s feeling’s. Dad just needed space to wrap the news around his head and it didn’t look pretty.
That’s horrible, babies are a gift from God, he should only wish for a healthy baby !!!
Hugs to you both and CONGRATULATIONS . YES 4 girls you both got ya hands full. I had 3 boys with hubby before we got our girl and if it was a boy I would have felt the same as your hubby…
I thorght we were done after that…nek minute
Our surprise 4TH boy ( 5th baby) came along lol.
When he sees her hel beam again.xx
I’m more surprised to read that people are still having 3,4,6 children in this day and age.
It’s normal I have 4 boys I felt it but didn’t show it and everytime someone said oh 4 boys it was a knife to my heart but I tried again and I got my girl but having 5 is a big thing and my girl could have been another boy and I don’t know how I would have taken it 5 th time round