My husband got mad because I needed his help...advice?

So I work at a restaurant two nights a week as a server in a college town where there’s shooting all the time. Last night when I got to the car I realized I locked my keys in my car. Everyone in the restaurant had left because it was after closing.I immediately called my husband and told him what happened. He gave me a big sigh because he had a long day at work and had just put the kids down and I can hear frustration in his voice and said “what do you want me to do”? Me jokingly said “what do you want me to do walk home?” And he hung up on me. I was so confused and called back and asked why you hung up on me. He said “I don’t know what you want me to do. You put yourself in this situation”. I said ok that’s fine don’t come I’ll just call locksmiths or Uber home. He ended up bringing me the spare keys. When we got home I put the kids back to bed and he didn’t say a word to me and went down to the basement. I went down and asked if he had anything to say and voice my frustrations and we ended up getting into a big argument. He basically said that if that was him he wouldn’t have Called me and tried to figure it out on his own and also asked if he was the only person i knew. I was in disbelief because I thought he was my emergency contact. The one person I could count on but I feel so stupid for calling him. This makes me question the whole marriage. Who was I supposed to call? What was I supposed to do?

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I’m more concerned that he treated you like that knowing you work in a part of town that isn’t the safest. I’m not married, so I can only view it from another angle, but from my perspective, both my brother’s are married, and if one of their wives called them in this predicament, they’d be there in a heartbeat no questions asked. They may bust their chops a little bit, but a loving husband would never leave his wife stranded in an area known for shootings, heck even if it was a safe area, and belittle her and ask her what he wants her to do about it. I’m so sorry he did that to you and gaslit you and made you feel this way. Time to think about a new emergency contact! Much love to you :heart:

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I locked my keys in my car, while taking a night course… called my husband, he came out, discovered the hatch was unlocked… We had a BIG laugh about it and he followed me home where we laughed about it some more… That was almost 40 years ago and although he’s gone now, I still chuckle about it…

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Sounds just like my EX-husband

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I used to have a husband like that.

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Shocking behaviour. Imagine if something had happened to you.

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My husband and I do things that cause unnecessary inconvenience for one another. We usually share a few words of frustration, but never more because we both know neither one can pass judgement.

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I would totally rethink your marriage. He should be the person you call. And if he doesn’t want to be then that is a huge red flag!!!

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I’d give my spouse heck lol but he would come n get me in a heartbeat…
I’m sorry but you should NOT have to put up w that… I thought he was supposed to be there for you. I know i could b a big B sometimes lol but he still puts a smile on my face :see_no_evil:

What in the world is his problem! My husband has locked his keys in his truck a good few times and I have dropped everything immediately every time to bring him the spare.

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Wow! Your a woman and it’s a bit different. People make mistakes. Ask him if he wants to completely provide for the family. You are a team!

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Your husband is the main person you should be able to rely on. I’d find a new one.

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You were supposed to call him, he’s your husband, your partner in life. Sounds like he needs to grow up

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I am sorry this happened. If this was once…let’s chalk it up to him being overwhelmed. If this is the way he makes you feel regularly…there is a communication issue. I definitely would process my feelings and let him know. I feel like as partners…you should be able to rely on each other. Ugh…this is a tough predicament

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My husband would’ve done it for me or anyone else without whinning

He made it pretty clear how he feels about you. Believe him.

My husband is always there for me. Even when it’s annoying, inconvenient, costs a lot of money, takes time from his job…he’s ALWAYS there for me and never makes me feel bad or is mean. I would have a long talk about why he wouldn’t sprint to your rescue in a situation like that and remind him there are always options for you to find someone who will!

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Throw it away. The whole husband.

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Yikes, You need a new husband!!
Who even says that to their wife?! I can’t imagine not being able to rely on mine and vice-versa!!

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If he is like this in a crisis how does he treat you everyday? If your safety and security is not a priority then maybe he isn’t the right one. Your children were safe, their mother may not have been. Take a hard look. You might be better off alone.

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I agree with you and ypu should have spare keys of his or at least have some put in the house so he could easily call you too. Thats a partner. Not how hard hes thinking about it. My husband accidently locked his keys inside our van, unfortunely we dont have spares but he still called me. Thankfully we have a friend that tows amd had something to unlock it.

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Sounds like you were both frustrated with the situation and he took your comment as sarcasm and then you retaliated and back and forth. I think the frustrations got the best of you which it happens, we are human. A good talk and hug can resolve the situation. I understand where he was coming from with being tired and also you being stuck in a rut, seems like it was bad timing is all.

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I used to deliver newspapers. I have roadside assistance with my insurance. I still called my husband at ungodly hours of I had a problem with my van. Sometimes you just want some reassurance while you figure things out. He’s a dope.

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My husband would 100% be there in a second, but I wouldn’t want to bother my kids, so I would’ve probably ubered and dealt with it regardless lol.

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I had a similar experience with my marriage but now divorced! So it means something even if years later was when we divorced! That’s a defiant red flag I overlooked and tried to make it work! Good riddance! So I can relate!

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Your husband should want to be the first call you make when you’re in trouble. If you can’t count on each other when you’re in trouble, you don’t have a marriage. You don’t even have a partnership. It doesn’t matter how hard a day is, you should be his first priority and vice versa. He is off his rocker.

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He knew you were in a bad situation, had a spare key, and decided to treat himself to a fit while you were in a vulnerable spot, if you choose not to leave him and ever falls overboard please take your time responding and take full advantage of his misfortune, if he was in a military unit he would be killed by friendly fire

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Depending on his mood with my husband, it could go either way. I would be pissed too.

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I’ve done it once with the kids. I went to pay a bill, it was extremely hot. I forgot that I sat the keys next to the babys carseat when i got her out (I usually hand them to our oldest). I had my wallet in my pocket and phone in the other. As soon as I got done paying the bill and got to the car I asked our oldest for the keys. She said I didn’t give them to her. So I called my hubby and he told his boss. Took an early lunch and rushed 30 mins to me. Anytime I need him he is on his way asap. Same for me, if he needs me I’m on my way. We have always been each other’s rock no matter what. We will always get whatever the problem is taken care of first. Then we pick at each other about it.

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Throw the whole husband away :woman_shrugging:t3:

Get rid of him he is only for himself your safety should be his first priority

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Leave that marriage immediately. Absolutely immediately.

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My husband to be is my best friend first of all and my first to go to with all the situations … can’t even imagine to be treated like that… really horrible

Wish I had my husband to call

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Divorce! He’s the one person that’s supposed to have your back. If you were calling another dude first he’d be angry.

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I would have also called my husband and would have understood if he was a bit frustrated, I’d be frustrated also. And then I guess we would decide what would be the best thing to do. Like wake up my son and come and get me or call an Uber and come back in the morning. The part where he is mad that you called him and is acting like figure it out of your own next time is a bit much. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal to figure out what to do, he needs to chill out.

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You needed help, your husband should have been there with no hesitation. when I got a flat at work, I called him, he left work came to mine and put my spare on there was no questions asked! He always wants me to be safe. To me he sounds selfish. If you can’t count on your husband than I don’t know what to tell you! Hopefully things turn out better for you!

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That’s usually how affairs start :joy:. “Husband was never there for me. But this nice gentleman, who had no obligation to me, wanted to help.”

Seriously though, I wouldn’t want my kids growing up thinking that’s normal. If you can’t count on him, what purpose does he serve you?!?!

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Yeah that’s bad. You should be a team. He should always be your number 1 and should always be ok about helping you - we all make mistakes. If being there for you is too much effort for him then get rid of him.

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All I have is a wow at him

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Get rid of him. It was a simple mistake that we all make at one point or another. Also take your spare key from him and give it to someone trustworthy and reliable

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I’m so very sorry. I agree, l would call my husband first, l don’t have an answer, but glad you’re ok, and wish you good luck.

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He would have been the first and person I called, if only to let him know why I wasn’t home yet and worried. He ( my ex now) didn’t and doesn’t drive still. But " what do you want me to do about it? " is something I wouldn’t get from him even now. How callous of him

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Well but I sorry but I would have done actually what you have done, I would have through he would be the first one to court on and relied on if their was emergency.

My gosh. We all do things on accident… That’s not okay to treat you like that. Yes it’s frustrating but it happened! It’s not like you asked for it to happen :person_facepalming:

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I understand it might have been frustrating but I’m not sure why he would rather you not go to him and to pay for a locksmith or uber instead. I actually think my husband would be annoyed if I didn’t call him in a situation like this.

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Oh no! My husband would drop anything to help me. My husband is my number 1 and I’m his. He would have gotten mad if I called someone else to help me . Im sry u have to feel like this in your marriage. I would seek some counseling or a new mate;)))). GL babe.

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Hey it was 1 night. He’s not Always like that.

Wow… I can’t believe he reacted that way. My husband would bring me my spare key without a second thought. Sounds like yall may have some more serious underlying problems

Next time call one of your guy friends :woman_shrugging:t2: bet he’ll change his attitude

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Sometimes you may not need your person to DO anything. Even just being a sound board to help you figure it out (especially if you’re anxious. It’s dark and late and being a woman out alone can be scary). He definitely didn’t pass the vibe check. Think you might need a bigger conversation with him.

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As far as I’m concerned you did the correct thing…however your husband on the other hand kinda fell short in his concerns for his wife! Better buck up mister…

If the kids were awake I’m sure it would be different (hopefully)
Maybe he didn’t want to have to wake them. Has he ever been like that before or just this one time?

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Thats why he’s your husband, is to help you. He should he who you call when in need but without attitude. You were working, not our drinking or partying, it was an accident. I’m sure you felt bad ( I also have when it happened to me) and just wanted to go home. He would’ve rather you tried for an hour, at night completely by yourself? My boyfriend would’ve been mad if I didn’t call. It wouldn’t of been safe for you to “figure it out” or walk home.

Wow…that’s messed up…tho separated for 7 years now I still message my husband if I’m broke dwn or whatever not necessarily for his help but to let him know what’s going on. Its a habit more thsn anything but it’s always cuz he was the only person I could. Kinda still is to a degree

You called the person who had the spare keys I don’t know who else you should have called. He’s supposed to be your partner not somebody to make you figure it out on your own. I would have called the person who had the spare keys if I had somebody close by the house then see if they could have brought me the keys or watched the kids so my other half could be the knight in shining armor and save me.

My fiance drove 2 hours because I was having a panic attack at a concert by the time he got there I was fine he worked a 12 hour shift that day and just got our 3 year old from the sitter. He said he will always come when I need someone

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Sounds like what my 1st husband would say. I got rid of him in a hurry. Of course you should be able to call him anytime for any reason. Who does he think you should call?

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No husband should treat his wife like an inconvenience.

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My husband would never treat me like that. I would have done the same thing, call your hubby. It’s not like you did it on purpose so he shouldn’t have gotten mad

This is exactly the same behavior that led to Mr filing for divorce…

Get a new husband lmao sounds like an awful partner to have

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I once got my car’s ebrake stuck after work, around 3 am. My man drove one hour, in the snow, to fix it. No complaints, no anger. That’s what everyone deserves.

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I always call my husband in an emergency situation. He might not always be able to do anything to help me but he try to help me figure out what to do.

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Another man teaching their partner they can’t be relied on!
Then they get all deer in headlights and woe is me when we leave them and say they were “blindsided” after teachings us for however many years that we can’t rely on them or need them and it’s actually easier without them…go figure.

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You call 911 or the fire department

AAA or a closed friend or relative can have an the extra spare key. Don’t let his reaction make you question your marriage. Did he had to drag all the kids out of bed to take the keys? It’s probably why he wasn’t too happy about it.

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Leave him like the trash he is!

When he went to the basement I would have left him atleast to cool off.

Yeah… nah he’s wrong. You accidentally made a mistake and called your person for help. No one was hurt and he was only slightly inconvenienced. He’s being a baby but now you know you can’t count on him.

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He 100% SHOULD be that person :disappointed: I’m so sorry

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Even if she had scheduled an Uber. Or phoned a friend.

He shouldn’t want her to lean on a friend, as they should be each other’s right hand in life.
She should be able to voice her mistake of leaving her keys in the car. He could’ve stayed on the phone with her until the Uber came.

He made a choice to make her lose trust in him. He made her feel dumb for thinking he had her back. He made her feel like she had no one.

I’m sorry. Huge red flag.

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I have called my husband so much. He never even questions it. One time I was pregnant and had parked my car at the OBGYN office. Someone had parked weird next to me, and me and my hormones were scared to try and back out. I was in tears. My husband left work just so he could back my car out of that spot. He never once told me to figure it out myself. Your husband sounds selfish. You called him because you needed help. If that is how he acts all the time I would seriously consider a separation until he can get himself together.

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I’ve lived this way. He is training you to never depend on him so he has something else to be upset with you over. You not needing him. Please know that this is abusive. You’re being abused by him. Please take some time and really think about your relationship.

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Ummm I can’t even believe a husband would say am “I the only person you know “ in an emergency situation. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if my husband said this to me. We probably couldn’t be married because my spouse is my partner, my first concern his his well-being and safety and I should be able to call him for anything and he’s there with no question- fussing that I locked my kids in the car - yes but telling me to call someone else- He’ll Fudging NO!

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A husband usually wants to protect his wife and family. I have to brag on my daughter though. She had AAA and paid a small fee for a card for me. I had my own insurance but numerous times I called AAA to bail me out. One time I locked my keys in the car. Good luck …

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I’m so sorry this happened to you but he has shown he is not one you can rely on when life happens, as it will, again.

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The whole idea of marriage is to be there for one another, and be a team! To help each other through bad times…ya’ll need counseling to try to fix this or if it stays this way…then you need to find someone who really cares! This guy doesn’t seem to! :roll_eyes:

Next time call a handsome coworker. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Seriously, wtf.

Idk id be bit annoyed too with having already put my kid to bed then getting them up again…you could have rung AA or ubered home from work easy enough and gone back to the car together in the morning

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Is he normally dependable? He’s allowed to be frustrated and tired.

My husband quit a job bc I called him bc the weather got extremely bad (branches on the road, high winds, and rains) while I was at the dr with my kids and I was afraid to drive home. My husband left work to come drive us home and then went back to work. His boss told him that his job should come first and I should be able to handle everything alone while he’s at work. My hub told his boss that the kids and I would always come first and he didn’t need to work for someone that thought differently. And left.

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your husband could have gotten a neighbor/ relative / or friend to either come sit at the house to watch the kids or send that person to you . instead he chose to hang up on you, potentially putting you in danger in the middle of the night

Need to get to the bottom of what’s REALLY bothering him!

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Your husband is selfish. Yeah it sucks that he has to get the kids out, but you’re his wife.
My husband would definitely be there for me. I’d do the same thing for him.

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Folks on here talking about what their husbands would do. That’s not making her feel good.

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Time to find a new husband !

I’m so sorry! I truly cannot understand a husband not coming to help you. :sob:

I find this so strange! My husband would be there in a second and he would be the person I called first. Your safety matters!!!

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I’m so sorry he treated you like that. Maybe you need to look into other assistance just in case you need help. We have spare key for our cars only to open doors but won’t start the engine. And we have a safe spot outside of the car to hide it. You might want to look into that too.

New husband and definitely AAA

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I would have done the same as you, and he would come pick me up gladly. Mine has come home bc there was a rattlesnake in the yard lol.

I think maybe you need a new husband !

It doesn’t matter where I am or what I need, my husband is there. If yours isn’t, that’s a problem. Even if all he did was talk you through other options that didn’t include him leaving the house with the kids. That’s still being there for you. If this is an isolated event then I would just talk more about it when heads are clearer. If it’s not, then maybe you should consider your options.

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my advice, copy the keys and give them to one of your male friends…. next time he acts like an ass, call your male friend. I’m sure he will come with your keys and get you home safe. End of story

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Wow I went through that once. I left him after 4 years of marriage and 2 children. That’s not how I was raised. Married now for 18 years, you have to respect each other.

Time to start looking for another husband .

I mean ,I can understand his frustration, maybe he was exhausted and having to wake up the kids after he just took them to bed it not funny , I get it .

But his actitude was not the best , he could just told you that he was tired and told you to get a Uber and that you will get to get the car in the morning.

Quit whining,he came didn’t he but of course he was irritated, anyone would be. And he goes down to the basement to chill out and decompressurize and you follow him down there and provoke an argument. You should have let him calm down and you calm down too and you talk about the next day when you’ve both cooled down.

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He is a JERK! That’s your husband he should have been there periodt!!! next time call Darren to help you and bring you home! He is a sorry excuse if a husband… and yes that’s what I said, he didn’t seem to care that you were safe or anything.

Oh hell no, if you can’t depend on your partner who can you depend on?!

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