LOVE THE SINNER BUT NOT SIN! you always remember but if he has changed he will show you in many ways! DO NOT CLOSE THE DOOR ON WHAT GOD PUT TOGETHER AND YOUR VOWS!
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I could never forgive that
Does he give you reason to think about it? Is he truly sorry? Sounds like you donât want to forgive or he is triggering you to think of it. Love God & you first. I told my husband itâs between 3. If he failed me he betrays me & God. I would ask God to help me forgive but I promise I will never forget. I learned forgiving is not forgetting. They are 2 different things that can be done together but it doesnât mean it will be like that because we are human. Keeping you in my prayers.
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Maybe you canât. Maybe you need to end things with him for your own sake.
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You can forgive but you will never forget and the trust will take a long time to come back ⌠but if you have accepted his apology and are trying to work it out he is right you canât keep putting it in his face but he also needs to understand itâs going to take time for you
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For me cheating is a deal breaker. I couldnât work that out or move on from that, but I know some do and I commend that but I just couldnât. I would say just do what you know is right. You deserve to be happy as well and let his actions and reassurance give you the peace and answer you need.
Look âŚI been through it and here is my advice from experienceâŚthe more you think about and bring it up âŚyou are going to drive him to do it againâŚthink about it you make a mistake and you keep hearing it over and over guess what it will happen againâŚlet it go move onâŚif not you are the only one that can make the change if not âŚyou are the one that chose to stay. Keep beating a dead horse itâs going to happen againâŚgeez women like you will drive a man to do the affair over and overâŚ
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Been there, got married anyway, divorced shortly after. Itâll never be the same. Save yourself the mental torture and leave
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You feel that way because the likelihood of it happening again are HIGH! I honestly donât know how you live with someone who has that little of respect for you. The only advice I can give to you is to leave. I truly believe that if someone cheats on you they do not love or respect you.
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Iâve been through the same thing and it takes a long time to completely healâŚI still think about it but it doesnât hurt me at all anymore because we worked things out and he changed for the betterâŚif he loves you he will give you your space to heal and asking questions about it helped me cope alot betterâŚits been 10 yrs since its happened and our relationship is better than before he cheatedâŚso if you really want it to work you need more time than a yr
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Maybe this means that you canât get past it and that you should move on. 
By the sounds of it your never going to be able to get over it and I donât blame you, I defiantly couldnât. You should move on, as hard as it will be you can find someone who will truly love you and not cheat on you
Why not go to therapy by yourself? Even if you canât ever get over it, you can be comfortable with your decision.
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Once a cheat always a cheat!!
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Look up Lysa Terkeurst. She has two books on the subject, âits not supposed to be this wayâ and âforgiving what you canât forgetâ. I hope this helps. Itâs not easy, those wounds go deep but they can heal.
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Have you thought about you just having some time alone with counseling so you can vent cry what ever makes you let it out honestly cheating is harder for women get past leaves a huge hole in you, (did me) for yrs but i found out on my own after the divorce it was easier to move on for me less head space of him since our divorce he has ben 9 times an has cheated on every wife he has been married to. No one can tell you how to feel or react but cheating is the hardest to get past
Wish you best of luck
I donât have advice to give. My husband tried to have an affair but I caught him before the girl gave in. But itâs still a problem 3 years later for me. It was his cousins then gf that he was trying to hook up with. Iâm sorry youâre going thru it but I think you have to decide if you love him enough to keep going. When we fight I revert back into the pain & I donât know how to get past it either but I keep trying because we have 4 kids and a whole life together. Thatâs alot to give up for an almost. I couldnât imagine how youâre feeling 
Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I feel its unforgivable in the sense that I would not ever be able to get past it. Some forgive but never forget. I personally canât forgive this . Some do and kudos to them that can. Iâm glad they are able to. But for me personally, I just couldnât or wouldnât be able to get past it. You have to do what is in your heart. Sometimes something like this will numb you to the point that you can not feel anything toward them anymore but anger or disgust or just too much pain. Do some serious thinking about how you really feel and if you can continue to live this way. You donât deserve to let this eat at you any longer. I wish you the best in your decision.
You have two choices. Living in the past, which means lording his poor choices over his head and ruining the progress youâve both made and ultimately kill any chance you have of salvaging this relationship and marriage⌠Or try to forgive and work toward moving forward. You canât do both. You have to decide what is more important, making him pay for what he did daily by throwing it in his face constantly. Or choosing to not let it consume you anymore. The choice is up to you. I can tell you, from experience, it is far harder to chose to forgive and take the high road. That doesnât mean you forget. It means that you see potential and know youâll get through it. Itâs always gonna be a battle. But, it gets better. But youâve gotta do the work to get to the other side. Most people donât do the work.
If you canât forgive and move on from it than itâs time to goâŚ
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My husband and I had a lot of problems early in our relationship. I found out he was cheating with his ex it basically destroyed our relationship. She also made it her mission to harass and taunt me about it. I ultimately moved out of state for a change in life and felt much better. We didnât become enemies or anything, and we still communicated often because we had a child together. 7 years later, he told me he wanted us to be a family again. Any animosity I had was long gone. I noticed a big change with him and he didnât seem like that man I knew all those years ago. He moved out of his state to be with us and our relationship is the best itâs ever been. But I do think the years apart was the best thing that ever happened. If I had stayed around him and that drama, I donât think it would have ever worked out, or for him to change the way he did.
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You will forgive but you will never forget. Every time you look at him you will see him and her. And with me it became disgusting to even have sex w him.
You will never be able to trust him you always be thinking in your mind what is he doing thatâs going to drive you crazy are the best thing after let him go and then you would have to start all over again where you can earn his Trust you think heâs gone back to being the same person but he still a sneaky person thatâs what you got to think about
If it happens once, itâll happen again. Whatever made him feel like he needed to cheat, will probably make him feel the same way again.
Iâm so sorry. I canât begin to imagine how you feel.
But the truth is either you forgive and move on with him by your side or you donât forgive and move on on your own.
If you decided to stay with him is because obviously you love him, with that being said, you wonât just forget, but you need to remember why you wanted to stay with him after all that, and try to live your life as normal as possible.
Try individual therapy of your husband isnât willing to discuss it with you. If that doesnât help, my guess would be that you wonât get over it. Sometimes loving someone isnât enough. If you canât forget his betrayal or trust him again, your relationship is already over.
Itâs a dealbreaker for me personally. I divorced my first husband because I knew I would never get over it and it would make me miserable. (I later found out he was doing much more than I originally thought) And honestly, if I wasnât #1 to him, then bye. If youâre wanting to stay in the marriage then maybe only you go to counseling. He needs to accept the fact that itâs not easy to live with the feelings you have everyday and it could potentially take a long time to heal.
Go separate ways see if it changes ur heart
Time will possibly scar it over. You will think of it less and less
You havenât truly forgiven him and honestly that is not fair. If you decided to forgive him and work things out, then do what it takes but, if you canât truly forgive then you need to let go! Sorry
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Leave him if you canât get over the affair. Itâll be the best for both of you. Hoping you get through this mama 
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Iâm so sorry. This is why relationships make me scared. I hope you find peace. After I was in a relationship for a long time and trusted one man, i found out he was cheating on me all those years and multiple times with multiple women and the list goes on. It effected me years later. I still have issues about it.
I hope you find peace. You can try to work on things. I know people make mistakes but if you feel like heâs not even sorry, if heâs not even trying to make you feel better or feel like this was a mistake then Iâd say screw that. But Iâd give him a break from you for awhile an see if you really want to be with this man anymore
Maybe separate for a whileâŚsee if youâre happier being singleâŚsee if the thoughts lessen anyâŚsee how he acts being singleâŚis he hurting because you are gone. Is he trying to get back with you or is he out running around like he could care lessâŚdoing this would really tell you how he feels and if he truly means what he saidâŚif he chooses to be out running around then that would tell me he would do it again in a heartbeatâŚgood luck
I think you should seek counseling - first for yourself. If this is constantly on your mind then you have to figure out what YOU want to do - stay or go.
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You are never going to get past it. Affairs are the end of any healthy relationship. Someone once told me an affair is setting a carton of milk in the counter, letting it spoil and then trying to put it back in the fridge to fix it. It canât be undone and the milk is never going to be milk again, itâs sour.
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It he is truly sorry for what he did, he will go to marrige counseling with and discuss what ever needs to be to help you move forward. You will never forget but han help you move forward and not backward.
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I couldnât get over it
If you canât get over it, canât trust him. Itâs best to walk away from the relationship.
Some people donât. If itâs been a year and you canât- it maybe time to move on⌠or as the above said separate and see how you feel in a month or soâŚ
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Only GOD can restore your marriage pray healing takes time but trust me when i tell u God did it for me he can do it for you
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My grandmother still at 82 remembers every affair my grandfather had. They still argued every day about it in their 70âs until he passed away. I donât know if I could handle it but I would just leave
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You donât get over it. He didnât have a one time â mistake â. Not that even that is ok. He consciously had a 3 month long Affair. He could have stopped it at any time during those 3 months but didnât. You will always think about it /second guess his loyalty/have trust issues. Itâs no way to live. End it and move on. Youâll find someone who values love like you do.
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It took my 7 years to get over it and I stayed with him through it all and at the end of that 7 years I finally realized I wasnât in love with him anymore. Hardest realization of my life. Sometimes you donât get over it. Sometimes you do but you come out different on the other end. I wish you the best of luck. I know some couples that have gotten through it and here they are 30 years later. NO relationship is the same. Just do what your gut tells you to do.
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Leave.
Some say overlook it (I dont believe in that), and you tried but it didnât work. You donât deserve to deal with that and the stress.
Not to mention, he only wants to ignore it because it reminds him that HE is the POS in this situation. He has no interest in fixing it or easing your mind, only his own.
Best you can do is get out.
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it takes time. i think it took me almost 3 years to get somewhat over it. its difficult. you can take a break and see if thats what you need. see if you miss him and you might have your answer. but it will just really just take time on your end and him not fucking up. im hoping things work out for you. you can DM if you need to talk.
Itâs about âchoosingâ, and reminding yourself of your choice, whenever the opposing thoughts come! Step into, become, live, your âchoiceâ!. Happiness and satisfaction can happen for you, if you let it. Just decide, and refrain from, âborrowing sorrow from tommorowâ.
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Not healthy⌠not a good daily reminder. You deserve better. Rip the bandaid off love âŚ
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Leave youâll thank yourself no man worth that shitâŚ
Send him on his way !!!
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Ultimate betrayal,which is why it wonât stop repeating in your head.Feel for you.I wish you strength where itâs needed and courage to put yourself first
Every day is a choice for everyone. We can choose to let go of every past betrayal and transgression (everyone has them) and choose happiness in each present moment. Even if you choose to go thereâs no guarantee that someone else wonât do it too. No one is perfect.
My husband cheated quite a few years ago. Itâs was one of the most difficult times of my life. It took 3-4 years for me to finally fully trust him. That had to be earned back and he worked so hard. We now have zero secrets and talk openly about everything. We rarely if ever argue.
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You asked for the details and he gladly gave them to you now the images are stuck in your head. You have to get over it or get gone simple as that.
Agree with others that it takes years to get over an affair and 1 year is not enough. He needs to understand that it will take a lot longer for you to get through this and he has to deal with it and be an open book.
I donât think you ever do. Sorry 
Honestly, you may never be able to handle it. I am like that. I found out a boyfriend of mine cheated on me and the very next day I dumped him. Moved all my stuff out when he wasnât home and basically never spoke to him again. Cheating is one of the most severe breaches in trust that there is. Some just canât get past it.
If you want to try, I would recommend individual counseling, if you arenât already.
Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to be happy.
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Ahh⌠whatever you decide, realize that you will NEVER look at him the same,you will NEVER love him the same, and you will NEVER fully trust him, or another partner, ever again. Try to not let it make you bitter though. Try to love yourself no matter what you decide to do and foster other friendships who value you. Youâre already hurt, already broken- you just have to decide what you can live with. You also have to know that this probably wasnât the first time and probably wonât be the last, so be prepared for that. Sometimes, staying makes sense for reasons other than love. Sometimes, it doesnât⌠you just have to decide what you can live with.
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I cannot get behind the argument that he made a âmistakeâ. It wasnât a mistake. It was a conscious act. Youâre heartbroken because you have been betrayed as well as robbed of an assumed future. You assumed you would grow old with him. Leaving is not always as easy as people say it is but you truly deserve peace of mind and someone who truly loves and respects you. A man who does will not make a âmistakeâ like this. Itâs time to put yourself first. I think you already know that itâs time to leave but you are looking for reassurance. In time you will regain your confidence and realise that you deserve betterâŚthat you deserve more.
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You donât get over it, and you will continue to be unhappy and miserable. Move on.
Can never be trusted again,when in a relationship your committed to each other for life,I saw this happen to a friend of mine he had an affair he told his wife what he had done,she moved on with the kids he was absolutely destroyed he tried everything thing to get her back,the answer was no,hes not the same person,you get what you deserve.
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Been there done this!!! I still suffer. You can always message me if you want mamas! Its been roughly a year and it all happened at my weakest moments in life. Youâll never fully forget or fully trust again. You wonât. Its all about how you deal with it. I still suffer trying to figure out how to deal with it. But i know i love him i know hes sorry and hes showed it. Keep your head up mama. Time will work things out!
I wouldnât want to âget over itâ at all. I would ditch the guy and find a new one.
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Your husband may not want counseling, but itâs what you need. He did the act, so if counseling is what you need to heal from this and more forward with your relationship then do it. He needs to understand that. He may not want his mistake to be brought up all the time, but you are living with it every single day and it is affecting you mentally and emotionally. I do think counseling could help you individually, at that point you can decide (with the help of your therapist) whether you can more forward or not. If you cannot, then let your husband go.
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I couldnât get over it. I tried. I tried for the marriage, I tried for the kids. It just didnât work.
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I was told if you cant forgive and forget, you need to leave. I finally left! For me, it was never the same againâŚ
You donât. It will always be there.
U forgive him
Thatâs how u get over it
U can trust him again
That trust needs to be there
U believe his apology and u donât heal by rubbing it in
U heal with art therapy
With new hobby just for u
With a hobby u both do together
U heal when u allow urself to feel angry even act on it âŚresponsibly like going to bating cages or a big non fire and burning ur diary after u wrote everything
U get over it after u cried about it after u feel validated after ur absolutely sure he loves u more than ever. I think u need to go to counseling by yourself. If u canât talk bout it then paint literally just paint grab the color any color and paint whatever itâs therapeutic and it works! Praying really works.
You start by evaluating what about it youâre hung up on that your not able to let go of. Then decide if it is something youâll ever be able to move past. You might also go to counseling by yourself⌠because this is a you issue⌠that he is clearly able to move past.
Have an affair too. Paybacks a b/tch. Hump galore lol
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If youboth trully love each other its possible. 20 yrs me & hubby been together. 4 yrs ago we went thro a very ruff time. Faults on both parts if honest. I was one who cheated. We had been inbad place 18 mths, more I tried to turn things round more got pushed away. In end I seeked comfort from ex who payed me attention and listerned to me. I ended it quickly and told my partner. After lot of arguing, crying and talking we both decided we wanted to try. 4 yrs later we are better than ever. It took a lot to gain his trust bk and hard work. I answered all his questions, but sae time he hasnt thrown bk in my face either every argument
Honestly, go to therapy on your own, and talk about it there.
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Iâm so sorry. I think you have to answer to yourself why are you thinking about it? ⌠What do you need to stop thinking about that?, an affair is not a mistake, It ocurs because somebody decided to do. Maybe you have to start thinking about you and what do you need from your husband and your relationship whith him, what changes do you want to see on him and talk with him about it. You have to decide if you can forgive and if it is posible to you you have to do it, but if it is not posible, maybe you have to be honest with yourself and with your husband.
Itâs done he ruined it youâll never stop overthinking just get rid no loyalty no trust no marriage
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Sometimes you just canât 
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5 years went through the same thing forgiveness is within you, you have to forgive him for you and it will get better⌠I didnât go to counceling I woke up one day and said Iâm sick of feeling like this 5 years later Iâm still with him and I remember it at times but I donât let it get the best of me. It doesnât cause me any insecurities Iâm over it I moved past it and you should too.will I trust him again no. Do I believe in second chances yes, I believe a quick moment of weakness was what happened and when your tied to someone 24/7 it doesnât help bc you finally have freedom and you go for it. Being up someoneâs ass befor or after they cheat is not healthy. Donât bring it up donât keep talking about it. Sit down talk and let it all out at once then move past it or move onđ
If you want to message me and talk, you are welcome to. My husband had an affair for over 4 years, it was more a whole second life at that point. Itâs rough.
If you canât move past it you may need to leave him. If you choose to stay you canât keep bringing it up. Itâs very hard I personally would never be able to live with it. Forgive him for yourself even if you decide to end it.
I dont think u will ever get over it per say but gotta stop entertaining it
You have to decide what you want and quickly. If you want to stay you have to push it out of your mind every time you think of it. You cannot sit and dwell. You have to make a conscious effort to be in your relationship and not the past. But if you choose to leave, you should do that, immediately. I suggest taking a weekend away completely to yourself. Or even longer. But take some time and decide what you want, and go with that.
It will always be there you either have to accept and move on or leave
I donât think you truly get over an affair. You forgive your partner & love them through it. You will always have the memories of the affair, but you can make new memories with your husband. Stay busy, & healthy. The busier I am the less time my mind has to wander. I wish you the best of luck.
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Some people can forgive and never look back, some forgive and stay. When you have never been in that situation yourself you can never trully give someone advice on how to deal with it. Iâm married for 3 years now, together 7 years we have a daughter and iâve been cheated on multiple times the first time a forgave him and moved on we worked things out and were happy after our daughter was born he cheated AGAIN that was the hardest i had PPD and felt like i wasnât good enough my body changed, my personality and my outlook on things and i blamed myself i left him, forgave him and moved out, he came running back apologizing and we tried again, well i tried because of my daughter and guess what he did it again⌠they never change. I used to get mad at people for saying once a cheater always a cheater but, itâs true. Please donât loose your self worth, donât blame yourself. He made the choice, he needs to live with it. Donât waste your time on someone thatâs not worth your time.
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Donât get over it, but give yourself time to emotionally and mentally process it. Couples counseling is great, but have you looked into individual therapy?
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If he wants to keep you, he would keep going to counseling. He should tough it out. Thatâs not something a person can just easily get over, at all.
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If he did it once hell do it again
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Either you will or you wonât with time and help. If with both those things youâre still feeling resentful or that you canât get over it then its probably time you let go and go your separate ways.
You donât have to get over it.
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What is the alternative would you be happy without him if you can try to make a go of it look at the good things
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The fact that you question it at all is your answer. Time to go.
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Nobody deserves to be cheated on. This wasnât no one night stand. He led on a relationship with another woman. I definitely wouldnât have given him a second chance.
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Try to watch the movie,"I think I love my wife,"You might get to understand how men are,generally,not that Iâm condoning their actions,but they can be really childish and boyish at times.All the best in your marriage.I think he deserves a chance.You canât throw your 17year old marriage just because of a short-lived fling.
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Girl I could NEVER get over an affair. Thatâs my deal breaker.
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I tried and couldnât get over it. I was with my ex for 10 years. Honestly leaving him was the best decision I ever made. I have been with my current husband for over 6 wonderful years. Sometimes moving on works out for the best.
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Kick him to the curb!
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My hubby cheated on me twice. Two different women. Just once with each. Both times our relationship was shit. It took me a long time to get over it. I felt the same way. Iâm happy we worked it out. But it took me throwing him out and getting some space. We literally talked about every single thing that happened to get to this place. Now we have an amazing relationship and our boys know what a relationship should look like. My hubby never wanted to talk about the affairs either. But once we did, I was able to cope with it and get past it. No therapy, no one else involved. Just us figuring our shit out. If you want to work it out, tell him what you need to start healing. Thatâs how we did it.
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He owes it to you 100% to keep talking about the affair. Highly recommend a counselor that uses the Gottman method. The book ânot just friendsâ and The State of Affairs. Affair Recovery website has lots of great videos. And work on yourself!!
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Either forgive and deal with it or get out
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Little reminder to those commenting, these comments are public and not private, so try not to put anything you donât want your Facebook friends seeing x
My husband and I went to marriage counseling. Our counselor had alot of good suggestions for me to essentially hold my husband accountable while still being able to let go and forgive. You have to /want/ to let it go. It sounds like youâre still conflicted about how you want to go forward (in a marriage with him or staying separated). You may even want to do counseling by yourself for that.