If he can’t continue counseling then let him go cuz he is the one that messed up not you. If he cared so much he wouldn’t have done it in the 1st place but what’s done is done. If he wants to work it out then he will continue counseling with you
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The only way to get over one man is to get under another one (just kidding) 
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I don’t think it is possible to get over an affair. Its a breach of trust that is almost impossible to get back. You said he doesn’t want to talk about the affair, in my opinion he lost the privilege of what you will and won’t talk about when was unfaithful. If you truly want to make it work I believe there needs to be more conversation about why he made the choice that he did. This isn’t your fault, no matter what you are telling yourself. Do what is best for you and what will make you happy. All the best.
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Once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion. Dump him and focus on YOU.
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Please do not listen to others. This is between you and him. You have to do what is in your heart and head. It is not easy. Only those who have been in your shoes,should say,and then they are not always right. Praying for you. Stand in front of the mirror. Take a good look then tell yourself I am beautiful 
and I know what to do.
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I could never get over an affair but that’s me… I know that image would replay in my mind everyday…
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I am 17 years past this same thing new job an all it doesn’t get easier but you have to decide stay or go I stayed kids were my reason an I wanted to love him I wish I could share more but it is a public site just make the best decision for you
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He cheats and then tells you “Yo, deal with it”. You have all the rights to just leave him. It’s something that’s going to stay in your mind forever. If you didn’t forget about it for a year now, you won’t ever. Your marriage is doomed, get out.
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Legit you won’t…I tried. Its been a year and a few weeks and I’m still not
Best advice for is that if your husband is willing to take whatever you say or do UNTIL!!! You will just feel better about this situation one Day, only if He is Tolerant, Patient, and Loving with YOU!!! Key Word is UNTIL You get trough your Pain!!!
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How are you supposed to move on and HEAL from something you arent allowed to talk about? Because it fucking hurts. It leaves you with a festering wound that gets worse and worse if ignored. And its going to infect every part of your relationship. You cant heal from it if you cant speak to the person that caused the pain about the pain they caused. You are going to end up blinded by the pain and end up hating and resenting him if you are not allowed to speak on it. Im speaking from experience, and it took a year of falling into a depression, resenting him, and basically at war with each other for a year before we fell apart and were able to repair it. He was sorry for what happened after, but I didnt believe it and shut down. He was trying to get closer to me and I was scared of being hurt again and lashing out at him. I was shutting him out constantly without really realizing it. It is a longgg, hard road. But if you love him and he is genuinely sorry, it is worth it. Do I still worry? Yes. But I have been able to let go and put trusting him over worrying what may happen.
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Stop focusing on the affair and work on the problems. Work on how to be a couple again etc.
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You won’t get over it . It’s not worth the stress , move on
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Dump his dirty dick ass and get half of everything hes got
And more . Do it now or you WILL regret it. He will repeat that nasty behaviour.
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Take the trash OUT lady!
Make him leave, it won’t get better
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Honestly it’s never going to go away with out spilling you most inner thoughts to him. Maybe write it all out on paper and have him read it ?
Some people might joke and say cheat on him and make the playing field the same. I personally would of tossed him aside because if he can’t stand to be with you though the worst them he doesn’t deserve you at your best. Give him back to the slut. Go do you and find a man who will worship your soul, mind and body.
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If the thoughts haven’t subsided yet I doubt they ever will. It’s perfectly natural, I know I could not get past an affair for this very reason. Your husband knew this could happen when he stepped out, and not just once, but many times. He did it with no concern for you or y’all’s marriage. Unfortunately he’s made his bed, but you don’t have to lay in it.
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If you can not forgive or forget, then leave. You will only be unhappy. I know a friend this happen too. She forgave him and they are very happy. But she said to me, no way you can stay unless you forgive. She said you can’t live a life with someone unless you do. As for me, I left my ex because I couldn’t forgive.
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There is absolutely no “forget” something like that. There is forgive, but, it can take a long time. The main issue, as far as I am concerned is trust. Do you trust him not to cheat again? If not, then split up.
Go to counseling on your own… And what ever comes out of that… Perhaps a Better place if even Single.
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Dumb him he will do it again
I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t be able to look at him again 
it’s tough but true…
Why would you stay with someone that has disrespected you and your marriage? What if you cheated? Would he have stuck around? At this point your just torturing yourself and your hubby is sitting there with peace of mind knowing that if he did it again your ass will be sitting there with open arms to take him back. Respect yourself and move on. There is someone out there that will love you the way you deserve.
My ex cheated on me and I divorced his a$$. I have no tolerance for that. I knew I deserved better and he didn’t love me if he could be with someone else and come home to me. Something happening like that is like crumbling up a piece of paper and then trying to make it flat again. No matter how hard you try, that piece of paper will never be the same.
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I’m sorry but u choose to forgive him the issue u are having is urs not his first stop looking to him for some kind of healing u won’t find it there look within urself as cliche as that sounds…if u truly can not find peace make a new choice
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You’ll never forget. He’s a constant reminder.
My husband had an affair. Almost 11 years ago now. I still think about it all the time, but he has changed and I chose to forgive. Not forget. Still trust issues. That’s something that I will never fully get over. He knows that. But we made the choice to work it out and move on. I have to say because we both worked on it we are so much better for it. Like I said I forgave but I won’t forget.
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I’m in the EXACT same situation. One day I think I love him and the next day I literally want him out of my house. All of his belongings have been in his car for months because of how often I kick him out. I’ll be fine one minute and as soon as I have time to relax I just obsess over it and won’t stop thinking about how he betrayed me.
You will never get over it! As long as you stay!! No one should ever be cheated on. I’ve always said… Once a cheater, always a cheater. Some people will say different though. For me that’s a deal breaker.!! As hard as it is and how much it can screw up a woman’s outlook on men for a very long time. Girl, he’s not worth it. For what ever reason he did it. None of it should ever be excpebale. There’s ya bags at the door, don’t let it hit you on the way out! Hes no man.!! Just my opinion. My experience after being married for 15 years and 2 children. That was enough for me! He sucked anyway but I was sticking it out until the list of woman’s name I found. Pictures, voice-mail, Facebook messages. Etc…and his friends warning Me. That knot in my stomach finally went away and it was so freeing knowing No one was cheating on me anymore.
I’d suggest therapy just for yourself IF you want to work things out with him.
An older gal named Betty White once said, " The best way to get over one man, is to get under another".
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We did couples and our own single therapies and for our couples both of the therapists that we saw by ourselves we’re the ones doing our couples it helped tremendously because our therapists could put into better words what we were feeling and it was never a “let’s gang up” on the other and unless he’s willing to talk about the affair in therapy you two may never get past it. He has some trust issues now that we’re still working on because when he stepped out he gave me a free pass to do the same and I have never used it and I don’t plan on it. I do trust him though there were circumstances that I could understand and deal with because before we got married we were in an open relationship and we were that way for a long time and it can be hard to go from that to monogamy. I told him that was his one mess up if there’s a second there will be no forgiveness and he knows I 100% mean it. I’ve had divorce papers drawn up for years so that all we’d have to do is sign and file. A relationship without trust is not a relationship. You deserve to be happy and not have to feel like you weren’t enough because honey you are. You are enough for the person who is meant for you and you are worthy of the happiness that you desire anyone who doesn’t make you fell like you are doesn’t need to be in your life and that goes for all relationships not just romantic ones.
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Big mistake if willing to forget, move forward and hope for the best. If doubts move on on your own
I am a big fan of talking it out, even if it makes em uncomfortable. Hell, it makes YOU uncomfortable. I mean, I’d ask him what he’d feel because it’s not fair that only he gets to cheat. Call it petty, but I would make him so uncomfortable and paranoid of the possibility of me cheating until I know where he stands. If he became desperate, maybe I could stay. Idk. 
I am not sure you can forgive or trust him. Go to counseling for your own mental health and separate.
Give it up to God:pray:
Put it in his hands every time you think of it! He will direct you:relieved:
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You don’t get over it. Once a cheater always a cheater… do not be second best. Move on find him a real man you can be happy with. Once trust is broken you can never fully trust no matter what he promises… get out now move on be happy for you. Its easier said than done when u been with someone for 17 years, but he made that decision… let him go! He will just do it again and again… good luck and update us! Hope life works out for you and you find someone to love you bigger and better!
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You can’t. Mine of almost 21 years, used to cheat on me all the time. It gets easier, but the reminders/thoughts never go away
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go talk to someone by yourself , sounds like you need to cut your ties and get on with your life 
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If you are going to stay with him you have to get over it. Its done move on or move out. Simple.
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As unhelpful as it may be, it’s a heart issue. Some women are satisfied with the reassurance and the fact that it wasn’t love, just a weak moment and error in judgement. Some women can never get through it. It’s not just a loss of trust, it can completely destroy you. Make you question everything. Loss of confidence. Paranoia. Self-blame. And it’s natural to think that maybe the more details you know, maybe you could understand it. But it doesn’t because you just relive it. And if you don’t know the details, you may wonder and think worst-case, or maybe certain things don’t add up and it makes you question what actually happened. I’m so sorry you were put through this. It’s extremely tough. I have been where you are, with a previous relationship. You really just need to think about how you feel and what future you want. Do you believe you could ever forgive even though you may never forget? Do you truly believe he is sincere and that it won’t happen again? It’s about what you feel about the situation and him. After finding out, I had a talk with a co-worker who gave me his experience and his advice. That’s all we can give you, but it’s you who will have to live with it.
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once a cheat always cheat .my dear. he will do it again.
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If you can’t stop thinking about it then it’s not going to work out… it’s not fair to you to live with it every day, it’s not fair to him to re-live it every day
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I would not have gave him a chance to do again id sue him for alimoney and kick out of the house
Get the book Post Infidelity Stress Disorder. Really helped my girlfriend when her husband cheated!
Why I’m getting a divorce after 32 yrs
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I don’t know if you can, really, get over it. I couldn’t. And you deserve more than worrying and struggling to keep this out of your head every day… it would drive me insane.
So if you can, good on you, go for it, enjoy the new chapter. If you can’t, leave… you have every right to not want this for the rest of your life. Good luck.
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He broke your trust…dont know if u are to move past it.
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Maybe go to therapy on your own? Not necessarily for the goal of healing your marriage but the goal of healing yourself.
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You don’t. IMO if it’s still on your mind, every day, after a year? Time to move on from the relationship.
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You need to let it go or leave. You chose to stay and work it out, which means you don’t get to hang it over his head every day until he dies. If you can’t let it go, just leave.
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Go to therapy. If that doesn’t help, it’s irreparable.
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Leave or deal with it sorry 
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There’s a YouTube TedTalk about Redefining Infidelity. I just watched it for one of my classes. It’s really interesting! You should watch it 
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If you cannot let it go, walk away.
Because its not fair to you or him to keep living in the past and feeling So much stress and anger.
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Sometimes the best way to love a person is from a distance… that seems to be the case with you and your husband. I’m sorry he betrayed your trust and has scarred you in that way. I hope you one day find the closure you’re looking for. Best wishes to you.
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You dont 
you may love him to pieces but he hurt you and broke ur trust. A person doesnt get over that easy. Stay strong
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If you want to work it out. Then maybe you going to talk to someone on your own who can help you process everything. However, it is ok to not be ok with the affair. You need to be happy too and if at the end of the day that is you walking away then that may be what it takes. You werent the one that broke the trust so he also needs to know if you need to talk about the affair with him and a therapist then he needs to put his own comfort level aside and do what it takes to make you feel better for what he did to you. He will never be able to fully make up for it but its on him not you.
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Only you can decide if this is something you can overcome. Big huge massive hug 
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God bless you and your situation. Praying for you lady. 
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Hun u lost love for him that aint never comin back
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If you can’t get past it you don’t get over it. You stay with him and feel this way. Or you leave him and deal with those feelings. Only you can put your self where you need or want to be
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You can’t change the past. Nothing will ever make it ok. But if you keep talking about it, you keep living it. You have to look forward. You have to heal you no matter what happens with you and him. But you can heal together if you both are willing to put the work in. With God all things are possible. Praying for you to find peace.
You never get over it. You either live with it or leave
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I think you’re over him but not over the hurt 
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Ugh this is so damn hard. I wish this wasn’t a public post as people (your friends and family) can see what you comment and post.
I think if you can’t mentally get over it, it will eat you alive every day.
Try to focus on all the good and new changes that has happened if you truely want to keep going forward.
It takes longer then a year for it to escape your thoughts.
It won’t ever go away but it fades and you may regain the love you once had for him?
Sorry to hear. That is one of the hardest things to go through.
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It’s one of those things where you can either forgive and move forward or you cannot and you part ways. It’s not fair to either of you to have to keep reliving it or the feelings from it. It’s a hard choice but a crucial one. Therapy can help determine if it is something you can get past but if that’s not an option or isn’t working then it may be time to come to terms with the fact that it happened, it broke you and it can’t be fixed. Only YOU can decide what’s best for you and your relationship.
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OMG i could’ve wrote this myself!!! Currently going through this right now. its been over 2 years amd certain things are triggers for me. I have hard times around the times I found out. PLEASE message me anytime, maybe we can help each other get through this together. Im doing it alone. My family sucks
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You can forgive, but you’ll never forget. Unfortunately it’s up to you to decide if this is something you can move past and put it in your past. You must fully commit to moving forward with him or it will not work. It sucks that you’re the one still suffering, but it’s the way it is. If you can’t fully commit, it’s time to move on.
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Although he did wrong, it’s not something that you can continue to bring up or thing about. You either have to decide that you love him and want to make it work and build your trust in him again, or if you cannot accept it you have to walk away.
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Read the Good Fight by Janna Jana Kramer and husband Michael Causin. They talk about all the things that are good and bad.
Maybe you should have an affair and y’all don’t bash me for this, It just might help her forgive and forget
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I went through it 2 years ago, if you need a friend you can message me
His ass would’ve been gone and stayed gone. I’m so sorry that happened to you love. Tell him straight up that you can’t get over it like he did. You were the one cheated on not him. He broke that vow and needs to have consequences. Good luck hun
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You will never get over a broken heart. You can heal it. You have to decide if it’s worth it. If you and you alone can forgive him and move on. If not it’s already over. Learn from it.
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If you cannot get past it. Move on, no point building all that trust back up to a point in his mind where its not ok in yours, you will end up with resentment.
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I agree with either stay and work through it or leave. If you really can’t let it go, as much as you may love him…it might be over. I honestly could not get over it. I would be the same as you. Constantly thinking about it and I know I would be moody. That is not good for either party. Sometimes it just don’t work or the other person does something or acts in a way you just can’t forgive and let go. In those cases, it’s best to just part ways sometimes.b
Try individual counseling. You might come to realize that the relationship is dead
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It is very hard but the cornerstone of faith is forgiveness. We all need it for various shortcomings and wrongdoings. Remember also he was medicating and this was a diversion. No one wants to live a double life. I think stay in counseling and most of all stay in the bible!
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If u gave him a 2nd chance…u have to not bring it up n kinda get over it…if u can’t stop bringing it up…then u should of just left…
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For myself, I’d have left the moment I found out. Trust would be completely shattered and irreparable. The marriage would be over.
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You don’t get over it once a cheater always a cheater
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I think your over him but not the emotional connection and the hurt he caused. You need to heal and probably best you do that away from him so you can Really see what you want.
It’s not on you to get over it. It’s something that he did that hurt you deeply. If he wants you to heal from it and grow together he needs to be apart of the healing process and put some effort into going to counseling. If the effort isn’t made then you’d probably need to consider moving on from him and healing alone
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Even Though: with Utter Imperfection is a lovely group on here and the woman are uplifting and encouraging, no matter what decisions you make in the aftershock (to stay or go) and to uphold each other too.
In the meantime, deciding to stay and work it out is a big decision and it takes a lot of work on both sides I use this meditation for a lot of soul healing and release for emotional things. Maybe it will help you find some peace and clarity for yourself. If you don’t like the lady’s voice I recommend just searching for the title to find a different version of it that you do resonate with. I’m sorry this is something you’re having to deal with in your life. Nobody deserves to have their trust broken on any level. Honesty always matters. Healing afterwards is as important as deciding to stay.
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I think the real question is can you forgive him? You’ve been with this man for 17 years and he went and broke your trust. If I were you I would be on my own for a while and figure out exactly what I were to want to do. If you are happy alone then stay that way! Being constantly thinking about the affair is not healthy in any kind of way. Best of luck to you!
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First, take a cold shower. If it has been a year with no hiccups but you haven’t grown from that shit…move on. No need for that man to want to get help for y’all and then you stay in the fixed mindset. I’ve been cheated on. I mean, I handled it differently than you have but let’s be honest, same principle. Also, I wonder how long it has been since you have been intimate with him. Holding hands, cuddles, sleeping in the same bed, going out for a date, etc. If he has tried to make it up for his fuck up and frow from that and you haven’t, you keeping that man from someone else.
I’d leave. That’s just me, though.
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Love probably was lost before the affair, hence the reason for the affair. Trust was broken an can’t be replaced.
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There’s a reason you can’t get past it. Time to move on and find someone who would never trade you for shit love.
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It’s time to let go.
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You will probably always love him but you have lost respect for him! You may nerve respect him again because he disrespected you.
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At this point, the marriage is in your hands. You can choose to forgive and stay but you cannot bring up the affair anymore. Or you can choose to leave and start a fresh life. But you cannot do both… you cannot stay and keep bringing it up. Best of luck to you.
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Get some counseling just for you
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You don’t. You won’t. You have to ask yourself if you want to begin again with him, or with someone else, but those painful feelings will always be there.
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I went through that. I asked the questions. Ultimately if you choose to stay with him you have to let it go. And you cannot throw it in his face when you get mad. You will never forget it though. But as he reassures you and does whatever he has to to earn your trust back, it will become a thing of the past. Again, you will never forget it though. But you will not think about it as much as time goes by. Sometimes an affair can make a couple stronger than they were before…
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show him how it feels, and find someone who values you enough to be faithful…ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER…And he will do it again, in time…
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Therapy for just you. Sometimes you outgrow people and sometimes you gotta put yourself first. The fact he does not want to “keep bringing up “ the affair, that’s a red flag for me. My ex cheated, I divorced him after a 17 yrs marriage. Best decision I made. I went to counseling on my own for a long while.
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Healing from infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis helped so much snd its a book you guys can do together as well!