You don’t ever get over it. Once trust is gone, it takes alot of hard work and effort from his side to try and get it back to what it was, and honestly, it never gets back to that exact same place.
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It amazes me how many people would just walk away from the person they “love” and made a vow to. I am currently in the same boat. Its not that easy to “just leave” your other half. What happened to unconditional love. None of these women have been with your husband. Their cheaters are a whole other person. Maybe he was feeling unattractive. Maybe he needed attention. Maybe, just maybe he is human and made a mistake. My husband doesn’t want to talk about it either. He wants to move past it and start over. It eats me alive. Every time I’m not with him I wonder if he is with someone else. Every time he touches his phone I wonder who he is talking to. But I know in my heart that he messed up. I know he loves me. I know he is trying to regain my trust. You will never forget what he did but the pain will fade and the trust will grow. It takes a very very long time though. Individual counseling is the very best advice. You take a big blow to your self esteem. If you love him, and I mean truly love him, you have to learn how to “start over” and rebuild your marriage.
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Niet je komt daar niet over heen het.blijft altijd in je gedachten zitten hoe veel ik ook mijn best doe en hoe veel ik van hem hou stapje voor stapje gaan we er door heen het is en zware lange weg er moet maar iets te gebeuren en dat is het gevoel weer terug houden van hem is wat mijn er nu door heen trekt en hij doet echt zijn best …maar ja dat gevoel van verraad en de pijn nee dat gaat nooit meer weg
It’s always easier to "get over it " when you’re the one doing wrong !
If you can no longer accept dealing with it, move on, send him packing !
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You’ll never get over it.
He will do it again.
You can’t keep bringing up his mistake. If you want to work out it. If you keep bringing up the past your causing lot of problems by bringing up the paat.
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You never get over it I guess you learn to live with it sadly I’m a victim of the same but my ex left me after a three year affair with a work buddy
I’ve been in this place, so I understand completely what you’re feeling, it’s emotionally draining. I recommend you get into counseling. Yes, this happened to your marriage but more than that it happened to you. You need to be in counseling for yourself so you can figure out what to with those emotions and decide what you need to do for yourself. Marriage counseling should come after that, if at all. You have to heal you before you can heal your relationship with your partner.
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TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, love yourself again and just give it time it’ll get easier but you have to want to stay and work it out for it to work…
It’s easy to for someone who did wrong to get over it! Wouldn’t be me, I would have let a long time ago
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If it’s been a year & you are stuck in the same spot, you need to leave…
An affair IS a mistake, & you have to either agree to forgive and move thru it, or let go, because neither of you deserve to live in anxiety and anger. & If you have children they are living it also, no matter how much you think you are hiding it.
Either get personal counseling to help yourself get thru your feelings, or let him go & move on alone, for a fresh happy start to a new life.
Sitting still spinning your wheels is good for noone, including yourself. You have to make a move in one direction or the other & make peace with your decision.
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Cheating is unforgivable in my book. Destroys the needed trust in a marriage.
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You will never forget, but if you truly want to move on and start anew with your husband, you need to find forgiveness. You can’t keep holding it over his head…that is not forgiveness. People make mistakes and many many couples go through this and come out stronger then before. Just keep in mind that your relationship will never be exactly the same as it was, but it can be something new and possibly better if you both want it to be.
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It will never work now he’s done it he’s ruined it not you
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You have to understand that having an affair is now permanently part of your marriage. It’s almost like one of you is now impaired and the other has to be a caretaker. The one who got hurt has to give it their all to heal which I think is the most fUed up part of an affair. The caretaker at first is so careful about the incident they caused but eventually complains and then downright argues with you for bringing up something THEY caused. eventually the pressure is then placed on us women to decide to either break up our family and everything we’ve worked so hard for or stay and be forced to bury the pain, humiliation, and anger. Like I said, fued up. You have a couple of choices. First, separate. No one said you have to end your marriage, but you will need to cut him off completely and be on your own to decide if your marriage is really worth salvaging. You have to first take self inventory of yourself and then the marriage as a whole. You cannot do this with him there. You need to feel what it will be like without him. You may gain peace of being away from the situation and think more clearly for yourself. obviously you can’t have the person who broke you, fix you. You’ll have to do that on your own sweetheart. You can get a therapist and work on your mind body And soul. All this is put on your shoulders and you did not ask for it. How your husband reacts to this part of your life will speak volumes. You are not able to heal from the hurt and haven’t gotten past the anger. I myself think to Damn bad if you bring it up! If he chooses to stay, he will have to deal with all your triggers. But the same applies to you. At some point, you will have to decide whether you will stay or leave. The moment you decide to stay, you are saying you will work on salvaging the marriage and it’s nearly impossible to do so bringing up his decisions that hurt you. Only you know if it’s worth the work.
One never forgets, its up to you to want to move forward & forgive. And it doesn’t sound as you want to or can at the moment. You need to be honest with yourself before wasting any more time.
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Those of you saying he made a mistake, a mistake would have been one time. He had a 3 month relationship with this woman. I’ve been there, ex husband had 4 affairs while we were married. I found out about the last 3 about a month before filing for divorce. I don’t think you ever truly get over it.
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You will not get over it. As hard as it might sound… Move on
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I have to agree with Amanda Morton Cheating is a partnership ender!
25 years latter (ME)YOU DON’T! A HUGH TRUST BONG HAS BEEN BROKEN.you tend to put it deep down n for me there are triggers,that make it rare its ugly head. I once asked him if the situation were reversed how he would handle it and he said he would have left me and considered me a slut.go figure
You don’t. The trust is never the same, neither is the love, respect or appreciation. You leave and find someone who has the same standard of loyalty as you.
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Either leave him or cheat back
Thats very hard I have never gotten over something like that I mentally cannot especially if I know I would never do such a thing. The fact that such a conversation came up and u didn’t think of me, u made plans and didn’t think of me, took a shower got dressed and kissed me before leaving our home amd didn’t think of me, and repeatedly did it for months I would be livid.
The key question is what would he have done if you cheated???
I eventually forgave and started to live without it being on my mind every day. It was hard but I got there. When all was good in life he did it again. Once a dog always a dog…once a cheater always a cheater . I was a sucker twice. Never again !!! Good luck
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He broke a 17 year trust and thats not something that will take a year to get back. It will probably take years before you can truly feel like things could be good again. Its hard to look at someone and know they are not the same person you have built a life with. It wasn’t just a one night stand it was 3 months. If you decide to stay your going to have to really try to put it behind you and focus on what is in front of you or if that seems like its an impossible thought then just let go and try to rebuild yourself. Its hard to do when you’ve built your life around another but its not impossible! Best wishes to you!
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If you r still at this point a year later then time really isn’t going to heal this wound. Some women can forgive and move on and some can’t. I was in same boat and had to move on without him cause this one thing I could not forgive
That’s the ultimate betrayal isn’t it… no woman could rightfully get over that in all honesty. Defeats the whole purpose of what marriage & a true partner is etc
Me personally would have to let the relationship go as hard as that might be… living with that the rest of your life would be so much harder 
you need therapy for yourself. have someone to go over all those hurt feelings you didn’t get to voice to your husband. I hope the best for you and your family
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I think it matters how and why the affair ended. Did it end because of the lockdown, that he couldn’t see her anymore, that he got caught, or that she ended it? Or did it end because he voluntarily ended the affair because he realized it was a mistake, that he wanted to focus on you, and that he wanted to work on your marriage? If it is the former, I would walk away and never look back. If it is the latter, I would give him a chance. If you decide to give him a chance, think about whether you have more good days or bad days when you’re with him. If you more good days, enjoy those. If you have more bad days, then you can leave. You don’t owe it to anyone… especially your husband… to stick it out if you are unhappy.
But no one has ask why he had the affair!
My fiance didnt even have an affair. We’ve been on and off for 10 years. We have one beautiful boy and another on the way and I still think about the last one he was with before we got back together 4 years ago. Its at the most inopportune times too. You just have to forgive him for yourself. Your own well being. We have been through A LOT more than just that. I have to remind myself that he does love me and we made it through all of that to have our sweet boys.
You never get over it!!
He will convince you things are one way but you’ll never know if you’re being manipulated again. I felt so stupid, and more so when I saw my pain didn’t bother him. Cut him loose and live your life.
Tell him your true feelings. You love him, but he is not good for you and your growth. He focused on him and did things for him KNOWING it would hurt you, now it’s your turn to love yourself.
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I like the fact that he was honest and told you whatever you wanted to know and that he’s trying to work it out with you and reassure you that it won’t happen again. In my opinion it’s normal to have some doubts but at the same time I can understand him being rubbed raw about the affair because if he’s trying to move past it and be positive with you he probably doesn’t want to be reminded about it often. You might want to try just you going to get counseled and see if that lightens your mind a bit. Don’t make leaving him your first or only option. Try different things to help your mindset and if after all that you still feel like the affair is on your mind as often then you have to make a serious decision. I wish y’all the best. As long as you have those times that you look at him and love him hen not all is lost, hold tight to that.
Of course he doesn’t want to keep bringing it up as it was shitty behaviour and he is ashamed however if that is what you need to do to come to terms with it then he should not be trying to shut you down but take it on the chin until you feel better about it xxx
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You’re going to hurt no matter what your decision. Whichever hard route you want to take, you have to live with those consequences
Just go beat her ass and throw him out
Let him do it again.lol
From 12 years experience… ypu never get over it. Ypu will always have that in the back of your mind regardless of his reassurances. And most likely it will happen again. I’ve not ever met someone who been cheated on that the cheater stopped their ways.
You said you do counseling. Do you do private for yourself as well?
However, honestly if you can’t get over it, maybe its time to leave.
You either need to decide to stay…or leave. Decide to forgive…or forgive and move on. It really all depends on your love and desire for him and the relationship. Going back and forth does no good for your mind either.
You need peace too.
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Once they cheat ,they never stop. Divorce his ass
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If you can’t get over it (you don’t have to on his time. You get over it on your time) then this is the green light to let him go.
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I don’t think you ever do, you just learn to live with it. He might not ‘want’ to keep bringing up the affair during counselling but if he’s serious about making a go of it, he’ll just have to suck it up until you’re in a place where you can manage your emotions.
At the end of the day, he caused this situation, so he needs to do whatever you need him to, in order to get passed it.
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I think it’s an unfair situation (for you both) at this point. If he has changed and learned from it, it isn’t really fair to always have it haunting him. Him changing, doesn’t change the hurt it caused you, making it unfair on your end. I know, personally, I could never love someone the same after an affair. As much as you want to, I really don’t picture things going back to the way they were before, or being able to forget the details of what you know. It might be time to call it quits. You tried for over a year to forgive and forget but you can’t. You have to know when enough is enough for both your sakes.
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If you want your marriage to work, you have got to learn to let it go. Yes it bothers you but unless he is showing signs of cheating and acting different then you should just let things get back to normal cuz all you are going to do is keep pushing each other away in the long run with the hounding and not letting it go. Now if you feel you cant let it go, then maybe you should file for divorce. Give yourself some single time for awhile before you try to trust another man into your life. But 17 years is a long time of love, togetherness and plenty of memories to end it all. It would be a shame. Every relationship has its ups and downs. So sometimes its worth fighting for especially if it was only a 1 time thing.
You haven’t worked through your TRUE emotions! Once you do that, then you can decide if you can/will forgive him or not
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Im sorry you are feeling this way. Have you done therapy for yourself?
Get rid of him ! He’s done it once , he’ll do it again
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I have gone through the same thing as you. For 11 years of our marriage.
My husband didn’t pick any one woman it was multiple women.
We are talking dozens over the past 11 years. And those are just the ones I found out about.
I truly believe that once a man has crossed that line he will never be able to fully commit back to the marriage.
I could be wrong, but I honestly say the marriage is done. You will never be able to let him touch you without feeling like there is another woman standing between you. You will always Think about him touching her the same way.
You will always wonder how many other women he has touched that way. If there has been one there likely has been more than that.
Your intimacy is no longer something sacred. His body is no longer something sacred to you.
When my husband would tell me that he really wants me and is attracted to me I would think “yeah you’re attracted to everyone” there’s nothing special about me.
When we would go out to stores and I would see other women, I just kept wondering has he been with her?
I truly believe that 95% of the people who have had an infidelity in their marriage the marriage will not survive.
We have filed for divorce three times during our marriage. This last time it has been two years since we filed he immediately moved him with another woman. He has lived with two other women since he moved out of our house. Our divorce is supposed to be finalized on March 1 and I can hardly wait. I want to be completely away from him. We do have children together though so he will always be a factor. But he rarely sees the kids because he is so busy with his narcissistic sex addiction.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this, but my thought is the outlook for your marriage is really not good.
It doesn’t matter what you put in place to try to keep another affair from happening, that will become your full-time job now. You will always be wondering who he’s texting etc.
And trust me you don’t want to live where you’re constantly checking his phone. It is no way to live.
We went through several counselors during our marriage and ultimately things just kept getting worse and worse.
If you can find the book “Affairs: Emergency Tactics” by Carol Rhodes , I recommend you read it. It is very very good. I just gave it to a friend of mine who is going through the same thing and she read the book in one night. She said it has been a godsend for her.
Best wishes to you.
How much do u love him ? If u truly do till death do u part . That love can and will live forever !!! But if u no something the other half wanted to do in there life and they had to . Or would make them happiest even for 20 minutes. I say I do . Please I would do anything to see her happy or him . So in my lifetime of 48 years and 3 boy’s with my X of 28 year’s with her .two years I was fked up but then a new girl I. Meant her fell hard for her got a little boy with her . Then she left me for gd friend . So 4 beautiful boys I feel like a king for them boys I love them so much. Feel broken for the hurt I gone throw i feel loss that’s like rock in my guts a hole that’s there every day. I love both of them girls and now I dont even have them 
I am alone and scared to even try because I can’t get it right. I juct want to get it right for ones and i dont think I know how anymore . U want to save your self a lot of loss hurt brokenness and lost in ur mindset let it go dont live in the past. If he wants to play!! . Just when things change and someone Tripps ur Traeger u do it urs to have fair is fair in love and war . It’s some of the hottest sex that u will have . But u still love who ur with . It’s never easy it’s a fight to still together… have fun enjoy your time be happy life is to short. Tomorrow is new day . For give one another.
Podcast are helpful! I listen to Focus on the family marriage Podcast. Its not just for affairs but to help a marriage. It definitely helped me open my mind a little more, and I feel better about some situations. My relationship we have trouble communicating and this has helped take the right steps to talk
I never got over him cheating. Ended in divorce…
You need to accept that he cheated. Choose to forgive him & stay a couple. Or not & separate. The fact is you are punishing yourself by dwelling on it.
I got a divorce after my ex husband had an affair… I couldn’t live like that… it was hard… we were together for 10 years. But it was the best decision I have ever made!
Oh boy…
Sadly alot of people have experienced this.
My opinion is… separate for a period of time. Make sure you take care of your mind, body and soul. During this time, remind yourself of who you are. Enjoy things you like to do. Do all of them without him. If you want to put a time frame on it, do it.
Years back, I wanted a divorce. My husband did not want it. I told him I needed time for myself. He understood. We separated for 9 months. There were days I missed him, days I loved him and days I wanted to kill him. During this time apart I reflected on all I wanted in my life for the future. And what I realized is, the problems we had were not one sided. I had to be accountable for the part I played in our problems. None of us like to admit we are at fault or that we need to become better people. I couldn’t blame him. It was both of us. And at the end of the day he was wrong and so was I. Two imperfect individuals. I asked myself, is this hurt I feel temporary, can I forgive him? But the best question I asked was can I forgive myself for the role I played in it all. I decided to forgive myself and be honest about how I felt. After months of communicating we decided the marriage we had was over and it needed to die. We had to bury it and begin a new relationship with eachother. It was not easy to do. But it was worth it. I wish you all the best on making your decisions for the future. Whatever you decide. Own Your Decision and don’t regret your choice. Choose to have peace of mind and peace in your life. Good luck.
even one small lie can ruin everything!