You’ve got to let it go. I held on for so long and should have gotten out much sooner than I did. It was hell living in my head.
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i personally wouldve left i dont give second chances especially if kids are involved
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You don’t but you can move on if he is sincere
Cheating is a deal breaker for me. For me I would become someone I don’t want to be always be paranoid. Also, that kind of betrayal is something I know for me I couldn’t move past. If he’s not willing to do counseling for you two to or at least you to be able to work past this then idk maybe you should leave for your own happiness.
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Go to counseling on your own, get to the root of why you’re holding onto this. Then make a decision. You’re either going to forgive him completely and move forward, or you have to let him go. You can’t punish him forever for his mistake, and you can’t punish yourself forever holding onto his mistake. Trust is a fragile thing and it’s hard to repair. But it is possible 
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It seems he’s not as sorry as he should be. He needs to acknowledge that it’s not as easy for you to forget it as it is for him. I would ask him to keep working on rebuilding your trust until you get to the point where you actually believe him. If for you, that means going to counseling and discussing the affair again and again, then that is what he must do. If he’s not ready to put in the hard work, do what will give you peace.
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Been through this too much. I have several names stuck in my head… but it is what it is… you either accept your behaviour, accept his, or move out and on… it’s all about what YOU are comfortable living with.
I would STRONGLY RECOMMEND/SUGGEST that you seek/attend counseling (for yourself). There’s absolutely 
NO SHAME in needing/wanting to talk about your feelings that you are dealing with (WITH SOMEONE WHO IS. NOT.YOUR. HUSBAND. ) And furthermore…YOU. DO.NOT. NEED. HIS PERMISSION TO DO THIS FOR YOURSELF. WORRY ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU NEED FIRST. SORRY NOT SORRY…BUT HIS NEEDS/WANTS ARE SECONDARY RIGHT NOW . IF YOU CAN’T FORGIVE HIM…FIND A WAY TO MOVE ON/FORWARD WITHOUT HIM. THIS STARTS WITH THERAPY.
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Andrew Ashmiel Maharaj
Went threw the same thing a few years back, I couldn’t trust him again and filed for divorce, it’s all on you the decision comes down to you! I couldn’t sexually look at him the same and even the small things he tried to do to make up for it I always questioned if he said/did that for her as well. We tried counseling we tried living apart (so we would miss each other) nothing helped my inner feelings of being betrayed by the one person I never thought would. Only you can decide…
Divorce him lobatan 
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First of all, you need to forgive him, and not for him but for you, so you can start a healing process… Again for you… Not for him…
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I always made a vow to myself thst if I was ever hurt or disrespected in a way that made me take respect away from myself I’d be gone. No fighting, no discussing it just done. I’ve always kept that vow. I know who I am and what I deserve and no man is gonna make me question that. Some things u can’t get over and if a yr has gone by and you feel this way, it’s time to start your life new without this person.
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If you can’t get over it, walk away. Everyone deals with getting cheated on differently. Some are able to forgive and keep it pushing, others are not. There is no right or wrong answer to it. Just be honest with yourself on if it is forgiveable for you and if it isn’t, don’t stay in misery another year.
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It takes years to get to a point where it doesn’t consume your every thought. Be patient and give yourself time. He’s right that continuing to bring it up in therapy or any other setting is just throwing salt on the wound. You as a wife have to decide if his affair is a deal breaker or do you want to truly save your marriage. No amount of counseling will answer that for you. Unfortunately, the burden now lies with you to decide that fate. He has already apologized and initiated change in himself to help get beyond the affair. You have to be the one now to actively let it go, stop throwing it in his face and learn to love him again. He can only say he is sorry so many times, that still won’t change the fact that it happened. I promise this decision will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but if you decide to stay and the two of you really try, it can be amazing and your marriage will be better for it. You will always have triggers and the occasional thought or bad day with it, they never go away completely but you will get through it and you will be stronger than ever before. Whatever your decision is it’s your life and your marriage, you owe no one any explanation for how you live. 
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If you have agreed to stay with him after the affair and you want it to work do all you can to get past it. You can forgive but you’ll never forget but if you let him stay there with you move on or you’ll never have peace. I have been there to.
Once a cheater always a cheater
It will always be in the back of your mind the trust has been broken i went through it we would be happy and the thought would come to my head and ruin it so it was just not good for my mental health and his. So look at your options carefully cus along the road it will wear you out.
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My husband cheated on me when we were dating 30plus years ago! We were apart for 9 years, one day he called me up out of nowhere and he was going through. Divorce with the women he cheated on me with. It seems as if she cheated on him pretty much their whole marriage. They had 3 kids together and we had 1. All I can say is I still think about what if he cheated on me again? But, We just celebrated 23 years of marriage on Valentine’s Day. We are very happy and in love more now than when we got back together. Just wanted to share !
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Just get a Divorce you will NEVER get over it
You will also NEVER trust him again
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Feel these feelings.
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You either get over it and move on or divorce,quite simple…you chose to stay with him 
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A woman who takes her husband back after he cheats, does so for the following reasons:
- She cheated too.
- She plans on cheating.
Or 3. She’s scared of him.
If none of this applies to you…then you don’t have a good enough reason to stick around, cuz that shit is not love. It’s stupidity.
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My husband and I have both had affairs. I didn’t find out about his until years after I had an affair. We both regret what we’ve done, and we’ve both worked to heal our relationship. I’m honestly happier now than I’ve ever been. I’m glad that we decided not to give up. Long story short, you CAN get through it if you’re both willing.
You can’t…it is the ultimate betrayal…you need to deal with your feelings because it will turn into rage and affect everything…so confront him and your feelings in order to move on with your life.
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To get over the affair , get under someone else 
sorry I’m kiddin
My ex of 7 years cheated on me every chance he got and I stayed 
I cheated one time just to get back at him and I felt like a piece of shit for it cried myself to sleep that night , I vowed to myself never to cheat again , I don’t understand why guys do women like that 
I was always taught if you don’t love them , then leave , cheating destroys so much
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You can forgive but you will never forget
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Leave. Life goes on and you deserve someone who respects you. Cheating is the ultimate disrespect. He gets his cake & gets to eat it while you live in misery?
No thanks.
You deserve the world although I know it may be hard for you to see this tight now.
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The person who commits the betrayal owes it to the betrayed to let them keep bringing it up as long as it’s needed. If he doesn’t want to allow that, he doesn’t truly want to work it out.
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The hard part about this is he dosen’t get what it is doing to you as a women. Of course he doesn’t want to keep talking about but how would he feel if the roles were reversed. Once the trust is gone it sometimes really hard to get back
That’s a tough one! Cuz it’s normal to have it dangling on your mind. It’s something that shouldn’t have never happened in the first place & it’s his fault
Have you tried individual counseling in addition to the couples counseling?
It will never go away. It’s been 18mo and I still think about it and I still have triggers. How we have coped is abiding by my needs to be able to trust him again. It was things like 1. You will give me your phone whenever I ask immediately. 2. Your phone will not be locked. 3. You will have a gps device in your vehicle or on your phone etc. He agreed to all of it. I will never fully trust him and I don’t think my triggers will go away, I don’t talk to him about often and I don’t bring it up in disagreements. He understands that what he did had lasting effects and he has accepted the life we live now because of it.
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Been there sorry 
for my own sanity I filed for divorce
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If you are willing to forgive him and have done marriage counseling then maybe try counseling for yourself to help you work through your feelings and emotions.
You both need individual counseling before you do marriage counseling. He cheated because something in him is broken. You can’t fix the relationship when both people are not at their best mentally.
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The fact that the affair is still on your mind might mean you’re still grieving your reality before then and that you’re still processing it.
I don’t know either of you, but if this were me (with the little information we have) I’d question why he doesn’t like it being brought up. I’m sure it’s uncomfortable for him to keep hearing about it, and you deserve the space you need to process this. He either needs to suck that up in couples counseling OR you can go into individual counseling to see if you can gain your own toolkit to help you move forward, whatever that looks like. Ultimately, though, it sounds like he also has a lot to work through that he’s avoiding and that would be a red flag for me.
This is important enough for you that it’s on your mind every day. You deserve to be heard and to have your safe, unbiased space to help process and eventually decide where you stand.
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It’s normal to obsess over it. It passes. Took 2 years.
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Once that happens you will never forget or get trust in him back never move on for you
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If he’s never acknowledged it or even attempted to apologize, not just moved on with a new job, while refusing to bring it up in therapy it isn’t going to cut it. He’s still avoiding accountability and you can’t process it because he still hasn’t acknowledged the damage it’s done no matter how much time has passed.
I think there are two types of people. The kind who can get over an affair and those who can’t. I know myself I’m the kind who could not get over/ or get past it. Sounds like you are too. It’s his mess up. There is nothing wrong with you that you can’t get past it. You need and deserve someone who can be loyal and monogamous with you.
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It’s always going to lurk in the back in the back of your mind, but you stayed… and by CHOOSING to stay as far as he is concerned, you’ve forgiven him and moved on. but you have to CHOOSE to let it go. As long as you continue to harbor the hurt, you’ll continue to be hurt.
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You either really have say exactly how u feel all of it then u have to either forgive and forget or move on without him because you can’t get over it so why live in torture for you or him.
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If they will do it once they will do it again. Leave him
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Sometimes, you don’t get over it until the constant reminder is gone. You are doing the right thing by seeking counseling, but if he’s in ‘sweeping it under the rug’ mode, there might be nothing more that you can do. I know it’s hard to hear, but people tell us who they are, it’s up to us to listen. I pray you find peace, whether it’s in your marriage or on your own is up to you.
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Uh he needs to continue to go to counseling. He doesn’t get to say he doesn’t want to keep bringing up the affair. If he doesn’t want to help you work through it then you have a problem. Me personally? I would’ve already left him if he’s not putting in the effort and honestly, sometimes a woman just can’t forget and can’t look at her partner the same again. If that’s the case then it’s time to move on. You don’t need to live this way the rest of your life. Best of luck! I hope this situation works out for the best even if that means divorce.
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The good news is that right now, you’re in control. You have decisions to make. Leaving hurts like HELL but you DO come out the other side.
If u take him back and trying to move on. Full forgiveness is required You dont havr to forget but in order for it to work u need to find a way to forgive … Whatever you gotta do to forgive if u wanna stay.
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I would dig around and ask other people
what type of person he is when you are
not around. I know plenty of couples that made it through it. I’ve also have known some
people that have a partner that always cheats. Did he have a weak moment? Were you guys going through something? If he was just wanting to get his d%#k wet or find greener grass. Say bye Felicia!! If you think it was moment of weakness or bug screw up. I see nothing wrong with working it out.
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First yiu need to decide if you want to forgive him and forgive yourself that is the first step of your healing process. Once you forgive you take a decision to forget about the affair and never bring it up again. This was an attack in your marriage and there is nothing wrong with you one decided to allow the devil to use him and as a woman you kneel down and pray against the spirit of lust, phornication and adultery. Stay strong sis for by worrying you will not change the fact that he cheated and the less you know about it the better.
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It will always be in the back of your mind. Get a divorce so you can start fresh. You shouldn’t have to go through that because what he did. He had a 3 month affair not a mistake he will do it again
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Get the book “my husbands affair was the best thing that happened to me”
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Unfortunately you you will never forget about it. As time passes it doesnt hurt as bad as the first day but it will still hurt, and it will NEVER go away. Its been 17 years since i went through this and even thought it doesnt hurt as much when i think about it. It comes up once in a while and all the anger comes out. 
He needs to apologize as much as it takes for you to believe him. He could do that but he wants a relationship with all the bene’s but none of the responsibilities
You’ve tried counseling. I’m assuming he brought it up there. It appears he’s said as much as he feels needs to be said. You are still stuck. Ask yourself a few questions. Other than the affair, does he treat you well? Does he make an effort to reassure you it won’t happen again? Does he pay attention to you as in little touches or hugs? If you answer yes to these questions, then I think singles counseling will help you. You can forgive someone. That doesn’t mean you are OK with what they did. It means you are choosing to not let it keep holding you in the past. You are only hurting yourself by hanging onto this. You’ve had no real outlet for any of this anxiety because of lockdown, but it’s time to make a decision. Either try counseling alone, and see where that leads. Or, decide you’re done, and make arrangements for divorce. He feels he’s done all he can. The ball is in your court. I hope you find peace.
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Personally I wouldn’t stay, that kind of wound hurts too much. Its not the affair, its that the affair was worth more than keeping you. While it was happening, he knew the risk and chose to continue. I dont know if I’d ever be able to put that anger down if I had to face him every day. The only way I could forgive is if I left, then I could let it go and move on.
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For me personally, I do not believe I could ever trust him again. Talk it out with a marriage counselor. They may be able to help you as make your decision.
You’ve lost yourself which is more important than him. You need to re-connect with yourself. Trust, once broken, is hard to regain.
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Move on. This happened to me and I couldn’t even look at his face anymore. It disgusted me and literally would make my appetite go away. I was building up so much resentment it was breaking me and plus he kept lying about things I would ask him. I went through really bad depression. It’s not worth it! They don’t change, I’m sorry. Put your mental health first. Best decision I made. It’s very hard I struggle a lot still but time and a lot of family support has helped.
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You don’t get over it. And I don’t care what anyone says, it will never go back to the way it was.
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I’m sorry your going thru this and you might not want too leave but I wouldn’t be able too stay I would have left him when it first happened
Throw the whole man away
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Get rid of him or you will never ever be happy again
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This is almost always the case. It’s definitely hard to move past from what I’ve seen.
Throw a plate on the floor!!!
Either you accept the “new” plate with cracks or you eat off a new plate but you can’t ever have your original plate back.
It’s marriage, it’s WORK!
It’s hard, it’s sucks, it’s stressful, it’s give and take, it’s flawed, and it’s forgiving.
It requires nutritional attention and devotion everyday. Marriage is the hard.
If you can’t forgive (you need to determine that) than let him go.
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I have never forgiven my ex husband reason were divorced. I tried and tried. Years of trying. If I attempted to do so he’d do it again. And he did. A lot in the almost 10 yrs we were married. He got my best friend pregnant. And apparently shortly after I had our second daughter in 2011 a friend of mine brothers wife got pregnant… and we call him the maybe baby. Hes around 9… I gave him a chance after he spit out that the baby(shes almost 6 now) was his. (I asked months prior cause I caught them a year before she got pregnant) he decided to take everything. Money. Kids he held our teo kids away from me for a long time. Few months. I became homeless. I’ll never forgive him. I’ve let go. I’ve moved on. We can talk. We came a long away. (My ex best friend hasn’t but thats ok) i mean he has watched my toddler while her father and I had to work. And we can have a normal conversation. Its not 100 yet but its getting there.
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Personally I wouldnt be able to forgive and forget. Once that trust is gone theres just no getting it back. He wants to move on thats good for him but thats not up to him, he decided that when he decided to go behind your back and be with someone else. Only option I see it is wait for you to be mentally and physically okay and if he thinks thats unreasonable then hes a selfish prick.
You don’t trust him and you never will. End it.
I feel i wrote this lol. Ive forgave my husband but i cant forget. Its been a year and couple months since i found out. Some days are easier than others. But all together its so hard. Im praying for you. They will never realize what they’ve put us thru.
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Maybe you have to decide to walk away from your marriage. It’s a question to ask yourself or your counselor. If you can’t get over it, is it healthy for you to stay.
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id be hiding a body if my husband did this to me.
But honestly? If you cant move past this you both need to sit down and MAYBE you need to have space away from him? Take a break from him and just make an over all choice. Him not wanting you to bring it up isnt going to happen- he broke his vows, he broke his promises, he broke you and THATS not okay. He doesnt get to sit there and act like everything is fine and act like it never happened when it did actually happen- he feels better while you literally are suffering day in and day out wondering why and hurting so badly.
You need to have a break from him- ALL of him.
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Once trust is broken, there is no going back. Stop beating yourself up. He’s the one that broke the trust. Don’t let him beat you down too
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What is level of sorry? I think of famous couples- he signed over full custody of the kids and assets in a legal document if he ever cheated again. Make him show he is serious if you do stay. What would prevent him from cheating again? Covid? It won’t be here forever. Why did he cheat? Did he tell you? Lots of things to consider. Praying for you.
Time to move on. Enough time has been wasted.
You don’t get over an affair you forgive and if you can’t forgive and move foward then you might as well stop trying. The only person your hurting at this time is yourself. Move forward or move out.
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Once the trust is broken, it can never be fully repaired. Move on, you’ll be glad you did.
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You may just need personal counseling to help yourself. Lots of introspection on how you want things to go.
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This is a question only you can answer and in your heart, in the quiet moments you know the real answer. Do what you know is best for you. No one is living your life and feeling what you are feeling - you know yourself and what you are prepared to live with and what you are not. If you chose to make it work, that’s your choice then work hard at making it work. If you chose to leave him, then leave him and work hard at healing yourself. You are stronger than you feel at the moment - do what’s right for you
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you will never forget
Put it in the past and move on. Or leave him. Your driving yourself to the funny farm.
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I’ve been in your shoes …it feels impossible to move on because it feels impossible to trust. You will look through his things and check on where he is- and you’ll be mad if you find no evidence he is cheating (even though you don’t want to find out he if he were cheating).
The only way to move on is to truly forgive him. Maybe you can’t do that by yourself, but God will help if you really want to forgive snd if you just ask. That being said. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. You have been through a life changing experience snd you have grown and learned from that pain. Forgiving does not mean forgetting…but it does mean that you stop beating yourself up over it and that you stop holding it over his head. Love yourself enough to do what is right for you and your family. My first husband and I did not get back together but I can honestly say I have forgiven him and want him to be happy.
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Me and you same thing l cannot get over it l try but it’s soo hard hope time will heal
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Broken trust can never be mended, ever.
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Focus on you and not your relationship. If you have lost the ability to trust it’s probably because there’s other unresolved trauma. Go get yourself fixed. If you’re meant to be together he’ll be there when you’re ready.
Many unfaithful people don’t have the ability to be faithful and you know but you love that person.
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Biggest question I have for you…if it was your daughter going through this, what would you advise her to do? That is your answer. You have to realize that he can assure you all day but the trust was broken and he has not rebuilt it. For him it’s done and over with. But the person he hurt and the trust he broke is still very much real and relevant. Have you sat with a counselor by yourself and expressed your pain? Because sometimes sitting with a counselor by yourself can shed light or bring clarity as to what your next move is. I’ve been married 5 times. Trust me when I say, sometimes walking away is hard but it’s worth it. Yeah sure you may start over and have to learn a new relationship with someone but that person did not cheat on you so the trust issue shouldn’t be there. If you can Forgive the constant indiscretion (because it wasn’t a one time deal it was a 3 month affair with real feelings and emotions) and accept that your marriage will NEVER be the same but you can find a way to be happy and at peace in your life with him then great. It is so hard to walk away from a life you built and almost two decades of memories and moments you won’t ever get back…but NO ONE has the permission to treat you as he did. Hold your head high. My amazing neighbor moved in not too long ago and she told me how she recently divorced her husband and they had a whole family with teenage boys. A comfortable life in a wealthy area. My first words were “CONGRATS!” And she smiled so big and said “thanks! At first it felt like such a huge loss and then I realized how freeing it was and I embraced my new life!” I swear that woman hit the nail on the head. No one can tell you what to do. Everyone has an opinion. The important thing is for you to find what makes you happy and embrace whatever it is. Don’t hold on to the past because it was what made you happy if you know it will never be the same. Whatever you do, DO IT FOR YOU!
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Why give the there months another minute? You’re giving her more time. Embrace what you have, put the past behind you- you can’t erase it. Don’t let her ton another minute seay from you. If he wanted to be with her, he would. You’re together, work on your dreams now and make them come true.
get out or tell him to go and don’t look back. He made his choice when he had an affiar…he’ll do it again too.
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When you find out about an affair you have two choices, leave or work it out and forgive them. If you cant forgive him then be honest with yourself and him. Dont force yourself to suffer some people cant forgive things like this and some can. Everyones different. Focus on your happiness and do whats right for you. Just dont tell him you can forgive him if you cant, youll end up punishing him and yourself rather than moving on
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If you cannot move passed it then you need to move on. I would not be able to forgive a man for cheating. It was not like it was a one time thing. It carried on got 3 months. Do yourself a favor and find yourself you deserve better
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Affairs happen for a reason and you need to face that before you can move on. I’ve seen it often about control. They are not in control about the other aspects of their life such as work, the need to earn a crust, be a parent etc etc that their affairs become the only thing that they can control.
No matter how uncomfortable he finds to talk about it there must have been a reason because no one even looks if they are content.
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Kick him to the kerb and start again, once a cheat always a cheat!! No one deserves that, wondering why you wasn’t enough?! You were enough and he blew it!!! Dont torment yourself everyday with the whys? What ifs?Good luck!! Xxx
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It’s about how you feel not what he says,trust is so hard to rebuild,my 39 yr marriage broke down once trust was lost,sounds like you aren’t committed to making it work so should make a clean break,but as I have always remain firmm friends.tom
Good luck darlung,you’ll do what’s right for you,however I will always regret not trying harder to decent marriage.hugs
You get to determine the terms of how often the affair comes up in therapy, not him. You are the one who needs healing and he needs to do everything in his power to help you do that, even if it means bringing up the affair in every therapy session
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Every time u think about it say “I forgive him”! It takes 9 months or more to completely forgive someone but if ur gonna stay with him, u hafta move towards letting it go! Stop bringing it up with him & work on ur own healing!
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It’s hard to forgive and move on, it sucks but you have to if you want to work it out otherwise he will end up leaving you because you can’t let it go, it’s not fair trust me.
Some men are just selfish assholes!!!
Install a pool and hire a 19yr Filipino pool boy with a six pack
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You worry about you. Take a break see if you miss him.
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If you really feel the marriage is worth saving, then try individual counseling first to see if you can make progress on your own. Then couple’s counseling will possibly work better since you won’t have to focus solely on the affair. But, you really need to think long and hard about whether he is worth it. You deserve someone who isn’t going to cheat and, honestly, you may never trust him again. So, this may be your life from here on out… visualizing what he did and always wondering if it will happen again
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It’s been 8 years since mine had an affair, I can legitimately say something snappy, even a little joke about it now to him, little jab and that’s because time is the only time that helps. I did therapy too afterwards bc I couldn’t shower, I couldn’t do anything without thinking about it. He gave me full access to anything and everything in order to set my mind at ease. It’s been a long time now but it took a few years for the pain to stop. Good news is I don’t think about it anymore and I know and trust it won’t happen again. It’s been 8 years since we’ve gotten back together and have 2 children now. I’m not saying this will necessarily work for you as each situation and the reasons are different, but some hope that it will subside eventually. Good luck love
It takes time and you keep going to marriage counseling showing up and both doing the work
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