My husband had an affair and now I don't know if I want him in the room when I give birth: Advice?

I am due with baby number 3 in September (which isn’t far away), and I just recently found out my husband has been having an affair. I have no idea what to do. As much as I do not want him to be in the delivery room, but he is the father. As hurtful and uncomfortable it is, I still feel like he should be allowed to see the birth of his child. Has anyone else in the group ever experienced anything like this before? I could certainly use some kind words and good advice here. I’m devastated and heart-broken.

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I think when he slept with someone else he gives up the right to have his feelings taken into consideration. He didn’t take yours. But it’s your body and you choose.

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Well 1.
Leave him.
That’s all the advice I have for you.
Dont understand why you’d want to stay with him after that

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No. Just no your feeling during birth and delivery trump any of his feelings he lost the right to have his feelings considered when he cheated he doesn’t need to be in the room.

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Don’t feel guilty if u don’t want him there. If he misses the birth it’s HIS fault and because of HIS actions/infidelity. Don’t keep any of the blame for yourself. Had he not hurt you in the worst possible way, he would be there. Period. Birth is hard enough without making it harder on yourself. Make sure the experience is exactly what YOU want!

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I’d let him see the baby after my delivery. You don’t wanna stress yourself out and I wouldn’t want my husband to see my body if he cheated on me.

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I feel like if you’re gonna stay with him you should worry about you guys fixing the relationship for now and see how far you get when it is time to have the baby instead of worrying about that right now. Unless you aren’t going to stay with him than just see if he stays constant with all of the pregnancy things.

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Seeing the birth of your child is a privilege not a right and as vindictive as it may seem YOUR comfort is all that matters during childbirth

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I’m so sorry I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to remind you that your health and peace of mind are the top priority right now. Whatever decision will be better and less stressful for you is what you should consider. You got this girl​:heart::muscle:

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If I was you. I wouldn’t want him in there. Yes if he wants rights to the child he can come in after i give birth. But labor is such a emotional, hard, personal thing… I would just have my mom in there with me. That’s about you during the labor. After the baby is born it can be about him and the baby.

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I would only allow him to see baby after delivery. You need a strong support system with you during delivery. Your mom or a best friend etc.

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I went through the exact same thing. It was a hard decision but I ended up deciding to let him be there for the birth. I didn’t do it for him. I would have rather have knocked his chicklets out for him. I did it because I put my son first. I didn’t want my son to ever say that his dad wasn’t there because I wouldn’t let him be there.
Honestly though, it was really uncomfortable for me and I felt like I should have had someone else there for me besides him. I absolutely despise him…even more so when I was in labor. I recommend that you invite someone else there to be your support system and let him just fade into the background like he isn’t even there. In any case. Hugs to you! You’ve got this! :heartpulse:

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My boyfriend was working when I went into labor, he made it to the hospital minutes after she was born. They are both healthy and doing well even with him missing it. If you don’t feel comfortable for you, then listen to yourself.

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He is not pushing a baby out. You get the final say in anything to do with your labor. Maybe have him wait outside and after the baby is born he can come in, if you want.

Personally I’d tell him to beat feet and he can see baby after you’ve given birth. It’s already going to be a lot of stress having him there and you’re feelings going into overdrive isn’t going to be something you need at that moment. You need people you know you can trust and honestly he doesn’t seem to be one of those right now.

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You need to do what is going to make you most comfortable. You baby isn’t going to know who is in the room when he is born and at this point your husband really has no solid ground to stand on. I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

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He’d be on the outside wishing he could look in if it were me. You make your bed you gotta lie in it.

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It’s the adult thing to do so great job for that!

He did wrong yes. Should she leave him? Probably. But he did her wrong and what he did has nothing to do with his child. That’s a him and her issue. I would let my husband in delivery room. My ex husband was in the delivery room after many cheats. No we werent together. But he was still the father and he was and is the best dad on the planet.

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You’re allowed to choose whoever you want in the room. If you aren’t sure you want him there, then you can tell him you don’t want him there. The hospital won’t force you to allow him in the room and if you tell them you don’t want him there, they will keep him out. He made a choice and he has to live with the consequences of that choice. You deserve to be completely comfortable and as relaxed as possible while giving birth. If having him there will upset or distress you, then I’d say kick him out.

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If it were me, I’d let him come in once you start pushing, labour and contrations are the bit where you deff dont want any negative thoughts in your space. Or have him waiting outside the room and he can come in once baby is born, and remember even if you end uk getting back together, him it being there for the actual birth, is his own doing, and will remind him of what he loses out on by being unfaithful.

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No need to make that decision now, you can literally tell him to take a hike the day u go into labor he can see the baby after. See how u feel by then. Imo personally I hope u make plans to leave his ass. He cheated on you while you’re caring one of the most important gifts u can give him and he repays u by having an affair. Smh. Goodluck hun. Whatever u decide is the right decision regardless of what anyone thinks.

I would leave but we him see the children. As for the upcoming birth, nope.

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You better be as polite as possible because when y’all divorce and it’s time for court the judge won’t care who had an affair BUT he will care about parent alienation and yes, that starts with the birth of the child. He is the father. He has just as much rights to that child as you do. Don’t start playing golden uterus already. Most states are becoming equal parent states and hopefully the dad will get just as much time as you. He hurt you, he didn’t hurt the baby.

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Non popular opinion, but it really depends on you. And I’d like to start off with im not in any way bashing others who do not feel the same. But i believe if you are married then divorce is not an option… I was cheated on while pregnant but I knew in my heart divorce is not an option. If this is how you feel then you should probably let him be in the room. If this is not how you feel and divorce is on the table, then only take who you feel comfortable with

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It ultimately is your decision but do not let him be present because of guilt regarding DNA. My daughters father wasn’t present and I don’t regret that decision at all. I didn’t want him there. He will be in his/her life it seems, but birth is YOUR experience and you need to be comfortable with who is there. I am sure this is very hard for you, I am so sorry you’re going through this.

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Girl he lost the right to protection for his feelings when he stopped caring about yours and had an affair. He doesn’t deserve to be in the room honestly. Plus, it’s not his first kid right? So I wouldn’t even bother. If he’s there you’re just gonna be uncomfortable and upset the whole time and that’s not fair. I say throw him away and he should have thought about the consequences before he decided to be a POS.

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What matters is that you have peace when you deliver, so whatever choice you make, I Hope is good for you.

I am so sorry for your broken heart! Hugs

This happened to me. I had my sister in the room with me he came in just after I pushed our son out. He stayed in the hospital bonding with baby for 6hours before we got discharged then he dropped me and baby at home and went wherever tf he went. I wasn’t comfortable, hated being near him and acting like everything was fine but it is his baby too and I just had to suck it up for that time being. I’m so sorry his put you through this pain at such a time, it’s the worst!

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You have the right to feel as comfortable as you possible can. It’s such a vulnerable time and high emotions. It needs to be about you and baby… best of luck!

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You needs support… rn there only allowing one person to help you

I think you should have people you are comfortable with. He will .ake you feel stressed and uncomfortable and that wont be easy for a healthy delivery. He can wait outside and see his child after.

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Personally i would let him in the room. I would labor without him but i would let him be in the room for the birth.

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You don’t need the extra stress so let him watch on zoom ( think that is what the app is called )

I don’t have any advice for you- but want to wish you well. Sending positive thoughts!

There is a difference between a man you are delivering his child out of love and a boy who thinks he has a right to be there… do you boo. Whatever makes you comfortable and can alleve the stress of birth…it is your choice.

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Things to consider, its his child too. He’s still your husband. Are you making it work? Staying together? Or is it over… If your trying to work past the affair and stay together. Try watching Fireproof and doing The Love Dare challenge there is a Facebook group for support as well as a book. Get counceling, couples and separate. Pray about it. This child will be yours and his for 18+ years weather your together or not its a long time to coparent. Try being peaceful. Emotions are high right now but think of the future too. You never know what comes next.

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If it were me in your shoes I wouldnt let him in the room. You are delivering the baby and not him. He doesnt get any kind of decision in that. My new babys dad will not be in the room when I have the baby and he isnt getting a choice in the babys name either but that’s due to the fact that he just wanted to “hit it and quit it”

I would allow him to be there but be kept away from me until it was time to push. Which I know isnt easy right now with covid but he only needs to be there for the birthing part not the labor part

I dont blame you for feeling this way one bit. I would probably feel the same and decide it would be better off without him there when you are giving birth. Its better not to be stressed out when laboring and delivering so he can wait its not going to kill him. If he gets pissy about it so what🤷‍♀️ maybe he should have token your feelings into consideration before being a cheating ass wipe. Js

I went through it too! I let him be in the delivery room, as hard as it was for me to accept. It’s not about either you or him, it’s about the life you created together. Stay strong :heart:

You’re giving birth. Your choice.

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Ha yep…I had a miscarriage in Mar of 16. July of 16 we found out we were expecting again. Oct of 16 things got VERY bad. I filed for divorce in Nov of 16 and got everything lined up to have him severed several months after I filed. I went on maternity leave Feb 13, 2017. I had him served on Valentine’s Day that year and he moved out that night. I was scheduled for a c-section on March 1. I called my doctors office a few days before and informed them that I have filed for divorce. I also notified the hospital staff. I knew he was going to be there and his family as well. I allowed him in the OR but not allowed in NICU after baby was born nor his family. I was MISERABLE in the OR. I had already had a horrible pregnancy and knew that I was leaving him but I was the better person. Do I regret it, no. Would I allow it again, hell no!

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As much as this is the shittiest thing ever, I would still let him I think. If you end up working it out down the road you may regret it after having him there with the other births I would assume. Just give it a lot of thought and good luck.

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First of all, I’m so sorry to hear your going through this during such a fragile and sensitive time. I know how awful and heart breaking it is. Thinking about you mama. :revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts:

Make the decision that will give you the least emotional stress as possible. This is about bringing a healthy baby in the world and nothing else. I too found out about my husbands affair 2 months before delivery and felt the same way. I decided to have another person be there for me so I could emotionally depend on. He was allowed to sit in the back of the room and be there for the baby.

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I let him in the room just not at my house once I left.

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Honestly it is a tough decision. I’m sure you are beyond hurt, pregnant n he’s out cheating. I definitely don’t know what I would do in that type of situation. But I do hope you do what’s best for you and for your baby. Good luck to you.

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I think he deserves a right but he chose his bed now he has to sleep in it. You giving birth is a beautiful thing that you will always remember and if he is in the room it could bring anger and take away from that special moment. It’s not like he can’t come right after but that’s your moment that you get to keep with you it should be stress-free! But also putting youre feelings aside it’s not about just you two. The baby is the main focus so it’s hard not to have him there. Whichever you choose I wish you the best and a Happy Safe Birth!

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Nope! It’s your body and if you won’t be comfortable with him being there, he shouldn’t. You can give birth and he can see the baby after.

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You’ll likely get one person as support, make sure it’s someone comfortable for YOU!! He will be the father of this child regardless, but birthing a child is YOUR journey. This is your body and your comfort zone and your HARD WORK. You do not have to feel obligated to have him in the room with you because it’s his baby. His duty is to the child once it’s born, but he is not obligated to take part in the birth. Do not feel guilty for it either if that’s what you decide, remind him that he’s the one who messed up and he chose to do whatever he wanted with his body without considering your feelings at all so he has no room to talk.
Just my two cents.

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If your hospital is only allowing one person in the room at all times, really think about if he is someone that you can use as support during labor and birth. Do you have someone else that would make labor and birth easier? While I think yes he should be there, because he is the father, things are different right now, so some hospitals might not allow you to switch your support person. Some are only allowing one during the entire birthing process, and if they leave the hospital at any point, they can’t come back in. So he might not even see his child until after you leave the hospital. If you are comfortable with him being there and he won’t cause added stress, have him in there. Tell the nurses if he causes stress that he has to leave and they normally have your back. If you aren’t comfortable about him being there, and he will for sure cause added stress, do not let him in. Hopefully you have another person that could be your support person if you decide to not let him in there.

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I would follow your gut on what to do.
I personally don’t think I’d have him in there even though he’s the biological father.
When he chose to cheat on you while you were pregnant, he gave that right away. I would choose someone to be in there that will make you happy and will be a huge support for you, not someone that will make you angry it stress you out❤️
Stay strong Momma🙌🏻
You got this.

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I’m speechless. Prayers for you :pray:

Honestly, I would only let him be there for the actual birth. He can wait in the waiting room until baby is crowning and then he can stand next to your head and not say anything. Eventually you’ll stop hating him and you might regret not letting him be there. I’ve seen the look on my husbands face when I talk about the birth of our oldest. I know he deeply regrets not being there. Even though that was his choice, it still eats me up inside that he didn’t get to experience that.

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You need someone in the delivery room with you that is going to help maintain an atmosphere full of peace, comfort and support. He sounds like the complete opposite of all of that. At the end of the day it’s your body and your life you risk to bring babies into this world. Do what is best and healthy for you and baby’s mind and body.

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Life throws us amazing curves. How do we tackle those. There will be a reason why he did it. He was honest and told you about or did someone else say something to you about it. Relationships can be very hard. Firstly he was honest with you. Would you rather he not have told you at all and lie about it. Would you prefer him to lie to you to hide the deceitful behaviour. Stuff happens people let you down and you can either learn to forgive him in time. Will he do it again can you trust him. Show me the perfect relationship there is none.

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No you shouldn’t feel obligated to have him in the room. You need to have a calm peaceful vibe in the room when you deliver and you are going to feel hostility if he is in the room. It’s his own fault and there are always consequences to our actions. This would be one of his. Don’t feel guilty. He can see the baby after the baby comes. Best wishes.

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Yes I let my Exhusband in the delivery room even though he was abusive and having an affair throughout our marriage with his exwife, the daycare teacher, his moms neighbor and god only knows who else. I felt it was the right thing to do but looking back he only wanted to be there to make sure he was on the birth certificate.

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During labor you need to focus. If he’s going to be a distraction and not your strength then you do what’s best for you. He will get his moment after the baby is born. Labor is YOUR time. I’m a person that always feels stronger when I’m alone anyway. No one to worry about but myself. Just focus on having a safe and loving environment in place while u deliver. And if he’s not a part of it that’s ok!

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I wouldn’t. He lost that privilege when he decided to be a POS. If he wanted to be there, he shouldn’t have cheated. He can see his kid after.

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Oh hunny. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
Ok so your birth plan has to be about you. What is going to be the most comfortable stress free situation for you? This is one situation where you get to be 100% selfish because you are about to go through more pain than the body is supposed to be able to handle (scientific fact)
So if you feel it would be a more stress free calm environment without his presence than invite him to come by afterwards.
Personally after a man cheats he loses access to me and my body. But no judgements hunny whatever feels right to you :sparkling_heart:

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Men went hundreds of years without needing to see the birth of their child. Your cheating baby daddy, like my ex, can sit in the waiting room with the family. Tf?!

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He deserves nothing. He can wait outside. You need to be calm to labour effectively.

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Maybe talk to him and work out ill feelings before delivery? I see it as a win/win. If you decide to forgive and move past the affair then the hard conversation is over and he is your support for delivery. If you decide to split because of the affair, the hard conversation is over and the coparenting relationship can begin. At that point you can choose him or someone else as your support. It really depends on where the relationship is heading.

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That’s literally all up to you! Just because he’s the father doesn’t mean he HAS to be there.

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He may not be the best support system for you during such a hard time. Labor is difficult already and you don’t need the added pressure of, frankly, his entire existence

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I think he deserves to see his child be born, that is something that has nothing to do with your feelings at that point, he is stupid, so stupid but don’t take that away from him.

HOWEVER, change your locks when he gets home and tell him to go figure his own stuff out.

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My husband had an afdair and im not having a baby by him so i couldnt imagine how you are feeling. You do what you think is right for you and the baby. Let him sort his own mess out.

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You need to do what feels right for you. Don’t be mean or vindictive, but take care of your mental well being. Can you handle that? If you can’t handle that then don’t. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m due a week later than you, I can’t even imagine what decision I would make. :frowning:

There is still time for you to process this and see where you are at when the time comes. I’m sorry you’re going through this! Yes it is his child and if you are comfortable with it by all means let him in. If you’re not then he can wait till after the birth. He violated your comfort by being unfaithful. That’s on him. Just don’t turn him away out of spite. Do it for the right reasons. Because that day will never come again and you want no regrets.

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I’m sorry but no while you are in labour you need to focus on you he will make all the feeling your feeling now be there and increased a chance of you needing a c section he can see baby once your through every I did a c section alone for this very reason

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I would not let him it’s only going to be a distraction for you

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I would not want him in there if it were me. I’d rather have someone I trust and can depend on with me.

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What he did to you was wrong and he could have went about it differently for sure but it is still his child and you will feel better if you start off the co parenting now. Your child with thank you later. I know it hurts but sometimes it better to just cut your losses and move on

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He lost that privilege when he had a affair on u hon pos

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If your doing it out of spite it is absolutely wrong. You should NEVER punish anyone by using a child as leverage.

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My brothers ex had a new boyfriend when she delivered my nephew. Her and my brother wasn’t on good terms. She allowed him to be there for the birth. It was his first child. He waited outside during her laboring. Once she was pushing the baby out he was allowed in the room. It worked out well for her. She was comfortable and he still got to see the birth of the baby. Best luck to you with whatever you chose. Your body your right. You want to be comfortable. It really depends how many people you can have in the room and if you guys are getting along or not. You don’t want added stress. Do what you feel is right and your going to be able to handle. Hugs momma :heart:

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If it were me I would say absolutely not.
Id let him see baby after being born.
And I would also leave him, but that’s just me. Zero excuse to cheat especially on his pregnant wife. How disgusting

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It’s your 3rd baby. I say make him sit his ass in the car!

If he’s cheated on you before he will do it again

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You both should talk to a marriage counselor for help with the decision and the future of your marriage. Take time and take care. I’m so very sorry. Good luck.

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Was it recent? if he chose to cheat knowing you were pregnant than he basically chose to forfeit that right. I would focus on what’s best for me and my baby, his feelings are not my biggest concern

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It’s up to you. Just keep in mind that negative feelings and stress can slow and complicate the birth. I don’t think I’d want him anywhere near me, but it’s your final decision.

Don’t let him in until it’s time for the birth certificate. You don’t need him distracting you.

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He may be a bad husband but that has nothing to do with who he is as a father so don’t do make him miss the birth of his child out of spite. If however it’s going to make you uncomfortable or stress you out then maybe not, you want to be stress free while in labor

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You could have him come in when it’s almost time for baby to come. I believe the father does have the right to be there but labor is so raw and intimate. It would be very challenging to do. But, September is a bit off and you may feel differently when the time comes. Be gentle with yourself above all else!

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he obviously didn’t give a shit about u when he had an affair so no :fu:him!

I’m so sorry mama! I have t been there but I’d say go with your gut feeling. I think I’d still have him there. It’s special for the kids to be able to tell them daddy was there when they were born

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My partner cheated on me when i was pregnant with our 2nd child. He was at the birth which i wanted at the time but i knew his new gf was in waiting room which was too much for my 18 year old brain. In hindsight no he didn’t deserve to be there.

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I would do whatever makes you the most comfortable

Yes I think he should see what u have to go thru, who knows it could bring u back together, he is the father, I know your hurt but it’s better to forgive him for you, cause staying will only hurt u and u baby. I know it’s hard too. But you forgive not for him but for you and your child. God bless
you both, I can say this because I know how u feel.

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Are you going to try and work through this? Is this is first digression? I mean you might want to sit down with a counselor at least, you have 3 children! I’m so sorry you are going through this, but if there is any way, you need to figure that out first!

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It’s your decision and only yours you make the choice

My husband left me the day before I confirmed my pregnancy with our 2nd
He went back to an ex
She was with him when I texted him a picture of the pregnancy test
He played me the entire pregnancy telling me we could work things out and still be a family… 2 months before the baby was due I found out it was all a lie and he was still seeing his ex
I told him I didn’t want him there when the baby was born bc it would be too hard for me but I wasn’t going to tell him not to be there
He showed up right before the baby was born and then left
When he came back after she was born he had hickies all over his neck
Fast forward a year… He was killed in a motorcycle accident
So the one event I should have pictures from to show our daughter of her and her father I don’t have and I blame myself
Do what’s best for your baby please!

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Look sis, at the end of the day it boils down to this: up until you found out about the infidelity I assume he was your rock and support and love. So it’s hard to process this in a short amount of time so while you are devastated and hurt its difficult to come to grips that someone who you looked to for that marital love and support may not be there to provide it. YOU have to decide what is right for you and your family. Don’t do it out of ANY other motive that it is whats best for you and baby. He made his decisions as a grown ass man now he needs to deal with the consequences come what may. I will be saying a prayer for you tonight for comfort and strength

At this point you need to focus on you and what’s best for you! Nothing is an “earned right”. Behaviors have consequences and if he isn’t the one to help you feel supported during such a special moment then that is absolutely okay. Give yourself the freedom to do what is best for you during this moment.

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You need to make yourself as comfortable physically and mentally as possible. It’s your call, personally I wouldn’t want him within my air space.

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Well I’m first sorry how you have been done cause I have been done the same way and oh boy does it hurt …when he stepped outside of the marriage knowing u was pregnant with his kid he then crossed the line of being able to step foot even back near you what is sickening is if he can even be in the room with you acting as everything is ok …it’s totally up to you but as much as it is emotialnally having baby I think he would only upset you more if I were you my mother or best friend someone that actually cares for me would be there for me …he messed up he would be gone …he should had thought about it before he did it

Just think about the future. Is there a shot you could work through this issue? You can’t change the past so will this be a source of resentment in your marriage in the future? Also, he may have screwed up but as you said, its his child. He has a right to be there. Its the bigger person thing to do to allow him in the room.