Hi, please post for me the marriage issue. In the first year of our marriage, my husband cheated on me broke up with the girl a week before our wedding, but the emotional relationship continued into our first year. I found out they had an affair about seven months almost walked, but he begged and even cried we work on our marriage. So over the years, he’s been changing girls he talks too. He spends most of the time talking to them, sending each other inappropriate messages. He promised to stop, but each time we talk about it, he stops with certain girls and replaces them with others. All or most of these women are single. If they ever get married, he grows apart from them and stops talking to them. I’ve seen a lot of selfies and activities like lunch and dinner, clubbing with them, hiking, etc. I’ve raised my concerns, but he stops and goes back. He doesn’t have many Male friends; most are just these single women. He says he’s passion is to help, but why can’t he help everyone except a single woman. On Tuesday left the house at 10 pm to get some girl’s food, don’t know them but they are his friends. The next day I saw him with one of the girls he’s been recently very chatty with, taking selfies at work with her, sending her compliments like you beautiful, pretty, etc. I didn’t greet them. I just went to our car he shouted at me for being anti-social etc. I experienced the same with the first girl he cheated at me and was compared to her all the time, told why u couldn’t be like her, etc. He said he is feeling the void of the stuff that I don’t do for him. He also wants me to be friends with these girls. From the time we got married, I can count the number of times he’s told me why he loves me than my flaws is that I’m beautiful or even just hug me. I can tell you he’s hugged this other lady or ladies more than me, I have been told how bad I am as a mother because I don’t play with our son the way he does and bad to him as a wife. I’ve been compared to this woman he talks to all the time. Today he went out with some girl and other girls and his workmates. His married workmates can excuse themselves from being with their families, but he can never do that for us. I forgot my keys and didn’t have a way to get into the house. He still cams at 9 pm. We sat outside with my son till he got home, I even went to get food and let my son play a bit, asked him to come a bit early or give us keys. I’m pregnant with our second child, and it’s taking a toll on me. It seems he puts other people first then us. I’m so hurt by all this. He just lost his father in October, but I feel I have had enough and been patient enough for him to change six years later, still battling with him having too many woman friends with no boundaries. He says I’m to black and should adopt western or white people’s culture of allowing your husband to do whatever. By the way, we are African and still live in Africa, and our culture and religion teach you to stop or minimize relationships with the opposite sex when married. I don’t know what to do. He is sometimes a very good person.
Hes clearly a cheater. Your hurting yourself emotionally. Leave him. You need to be more confident with yourself. Tell him to fuck off. These chicks are laughing at you as you allow it
Mistake #1… ya shouldn’t have gotten married!
And you’re still with him why?
If you think you deserve that type of love stay, if you know you dont: leave.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
“He is sometimes a very good person.” Sometimes? He is NOT worth your time. Get a real man that appreciates you. He is NEVER going to change.
Yea, I’d leave! White people culture? I’m white my bf (who passed) was black. Neither of us did that. If we hung out with friends it was together unless football. Im not a fan. Sorry but I’d say he is cheating.
He isn’t going to change. He’s had plenty of opportunities get rid of him now he has no respect for you.
What you allow will continue. Plain and simple.
You should have never married him. You did this to yourself by not walking away the 1st time. He will never change
The longer that you allow it the worse it will get. You deserve better than sometimes.
One word RUN! Don’t walk run away! Fuck that shit once a cheater always one I believe that
Why did you marry him? You need to leave him he will not change he’s proving it to you and by you staying your telling him what he’s doing is okay with you no matter what your saying so leave and don’t go back they cry fake tears
You do know what to do. You are not happy with his behavior. His same behavior that has continued for all this time with no respect for you… stop second guessing yourself and YOU start making decisions that will allow your happiness. He’s not going to change…
Holy shit…is this for real??? Hes a cheater and you let him continue bangin i mean hangin out w them??? Obviously you already know the answers to your own questions here. Im sorry girl. I feel your pain too.
You dont deserve to be treated that way! Leave that fool!
Ehhhh tell him to leave or you leave or hel continue to do it because u let him do it. Its hard but you need to love and look after yourself xx
Value yourself…you obviously don’t…
he’s a narcissist and cares about himself…not you, not your kid, not the unborn, not the other girls. Dump him. He’s a waste of time and you’ll never change him
Lord, LEAVE. he hasnt given you enough reason to leave yet… I could not and would not put up with that. Kids, marriage or not. That is too much and 6 years and he hasnt changed. He ain’t going to
Iv just been here not married but we’re together 6 years!
First girl I forgave talking in social media inappropriate!
Then it just kept happing over and over again!
Get out NOW i NOnits scary with children but u can do it!
No one she be made to feel worthless and it becomes a habit
And habits are hard to brake
Leave girl, you deserve better!
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. You’ve allowed him to continue to cheat with no consequence so why would he change?? He will not change and you will never be 100% happy in that relationship.
Honey you deserve better. You deserve a partner who wouldn’t dare put another woman over you.
Yikes … you are very tolerant…Very . You know what’s going on , you just want us to validate your feelings and what you know you need to do . You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach telling you " This ain’t right " well my girl THIS ISNT RIGHT ! It hurts , dont sound like its changing . If you dont want to live with this hurt anymore than it’s time to move on . Without him .
Just leave. Guys like that don’t change.
I would leave and divorce him.
Fool me once shame on him, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me several times yea girl leave him it wont stop. Once a cheater always a cheater
You know what you have to do hun, you are second to no women when it comes to your marriage! Find a man that puts you first and does those things for you not his single female friends
He will never change.
I think you know the answer to this but I think bc your pregnant it might be stopping you gurl you are worth way more then that you deserve to be happy and his family should always come first
LEAVE. HIM. and don’t look back.
These are not “issues”. These are decisions. This is a woman being married to a single man. Also,I’m white, my husbands white. We’ve been married since I was 17 and he was 19. I’m now 31, I wouldn’t have allowed any of this when we first got married and I sure as hell wouldn’t allow it now. And my husband wouldn’t either! So your husband is trying to convince you of something that is not common! We don’t even go to a club TOGETHER I would raise every kind of hell if he even thought he could go alone
Wow I don’t know what to do??? Ummm Leave Him… wtf . Why are you even still with him allowing him to treat you that way ? You should have left since he cheated and “broke up” with a girl a week before your wedding. He’s never going to change . If you stay then you’re settling for that life.
Uh, being a white American women, believe me, its not our culture to put up with bullshit, he’s a cheating liar and you need to dump this moron.
Sounds like a married man I use to deal with:rofl: if you allow it he will continue to use and abuse you sis…he WILL NEVER CHANGE…YOU GOTTA LEAVE SIS…or else YOU GETTING WHAT YOU DESERVE
Seriously sweetie, get out! He will never change and he doesn’t respect you or even seems to love you. Marriage was a mistake but we all make them. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. He is bad news!!! Dont let him tell you he will change or stop because HE WON’T! Leave leave leave! Someone will love you for everything you are and everything you are not.
If a not gonna stop.
Doing stuff your partner doesnt like isnt part of western culture.
Pack your stuff up and leave, he is there for you and doesnt care.
You teach people how to treat you. You’ve shown him that you’ll stay with him through this type of behavior so he has no reason to change. Sorry hun.
Tell him since he is doing it then u are too and of he wants u to be friends with them he need to friends with whom ever u see fit or run stick it back to him pay back is a bitch
You chose to marry him knowing what kind of man he is and are shocked he is still the same man you married. You let him get away with it so now he knows he can continue to get away with it. You are not a priority to him, most likely somewhat of a convenience you take care of him. Cut that off. You’re worth more than that.
Pack yours and your babies bags and move far away he will soon learn what he has done wrong and what he had and now lost! You deserve a hell of a lot better than thon! Good luck with your new baby it’s time to think about yourself and then now forget about him! And if he wants to see the kids let him but don’t go back to be treated like that
Im American please don’t let your husband fool you I do not let my husband go hangout with other females or friends that cheat on their wives
Holy shit. This would be the introduction to my Snapped episode explaining why I killed my husband.
You’re way too tolerant. You should definitely leave this man, marriage and 2 children haven’t changed him… he will never stop.
Ok… wtf… I’m white… and I don’t tolerate that shit tf? no just no he"ll never change. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. They’ll grow up watching that thinking that’s a healthy relationship. If you can’t leave for you… do it for your babies… he’s mentally and emotionally abusing you I’ve been there my kids are what helped me leave
Girl, you need someone who is going to value you and your marriage. He doesn’t seem to. I’d leave him and find someone who knows what he has in you. And your children deserve to see you happy. They’re going to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior. Love, it is not. Hug to you, darling. Be strong and value yourself.
Dump his cheating ass
Leave I spent 7 years with somebody and 3 kids to find out he cheated every chance he had.
It is way past time that you divorce him. He is cheating on you in many ways and it must stop . He won’t quit womanizing and you must draw the line . You are excused biblically too to divorce him . Please take heed to my advice . I have been where you are and I understand.
First let’s say us white people don’t play these kind of games. I’m in a mixed marriage and that’s not what happens. My husband would never think of talking to another women that way let alone cheat on me. Ur man is lying to u about other cultures to get u to do what he wants. Ur man is using u and u are allowing it to happen. Why should he change when u stick by him no matter what?! U know what u need to do. Leave his ass. He doesn’t love u. This isn’t what love looks like.
You need to see your worth and leave that piece of shit!!
You married this man after he cheated on you? You are a special kind of stupid, aren’t you? Lmao.
Cut your losses lose this bum!
Hes will never change. Take your children and get out now.
He doesn’t respect you and clearly you don’t respect yourself either. File for divorce immediately.
Girl you deserve better then that. Leave him
This will never stop. Either live with it or leave. I bet you are a beautiful and good woman. You deserve so much better.
Leave there’s better men out there
Sorry hunny I read 3/4 of this post about this guy but…what a wanker. That fool is far from a man, and seems he just looks at woman as toys, not really caring at all. I really could keep going on this really. Hun read your post s few times, make a list need be, but its total dhite.
Get over it or leave. You can’t control or change him. Pick a better quality man next time because you’re a joke to him apparently and that’s sad because you seem like a good women.
Nah, divorce his cheating ass.
Your putting up with it. He doesn’t need to change, you need to get out of the marriage while you still have life in you. Good luck. Do it for you and your children or they will grow up the same way
Walk away. I dont know a lot of women in western cultures who let their husbands do that shit most of us dont. We walk away. So dont listen to his bullshit
That is not “white or western culture”. His family should come first. I’m Hispanic acne my husband white. Neither of us spend time with the opposite sex. It’s disrespectful to your relationship. You are his wife and the mother of his children. I’m sorry but to have this go in for years, to be compared to other women, you not have him committed to you, too belittle you, talk down to you… YOU NEED TO LEAVE.
I’m an American and if my husband did this to me, we would not be together. You have given him enough time to change his ways. He won’t. You need to put your babies first and leave. You for once, need to come first. The only person who can make you happy is you. Best of luck.
Distance yourself from this. You don’t need to live your life in this kind of relationship. He isn’t going to change. You’ll get only what you put up with. He shouldn’t be seeing other women while he is married to you. He should respect you and love you enough to stop this, but he won’t.
Wow ! I don’t understand why the fuck are you still with him???
Take your child and leave he has gone beyond the point of no return he is not ever going to change and as long as you keep putting up with it he’s going to keep cheating on you
I couldn’t read this post. You married him when he broke up with a mistress a week before you married. That’s as far as I got. More fool you! I’m sorry you’re hurt, really I am. But God.
Its been years and no change…you have your answer
So men are pigs even in Africa?? He doesn’t sound like he’s going to change. He’s playing you hard and you’re falling falling for it every single time.
He is a womanizer. Call him out and keep telling him he needs help. Not just stopping. He needs serious help if you want him to be monogamous. If not, it’s time to walk. Unless you want to be his carpet he gets to walk all over.
Leave this man u married don’t respect u as a wife or ur child he rather be with others as single eventually it will get old and you’ll start feeling awful trust me I was in a thirteen year relationship and had two kids nothing I mean nothing ever changed they always try to guilt trip u so u feel bad but in general he could care less as long as ur putting up with it he’s going to do it
I feel he hast been held accountable for his actions, there hasnt been any consequences!! It’s time for you to take charge of your life & do what’s best for you & your children!! Get away from him !!! Good luck, I pray for you
I mean…what’s the question? Should there even be a question? Should there have even been a wedding?
Sounds like you are allowing yourself to be a doormat…my advice:stop doing that
You married him knowing he was already cheating.
Dont live in a way you are not happy, you dont need to change him you need to change you .
It is a must to leave him. I was in an exact situation for 3 years and he never changed. Until I finally left him and he continued doing it. I moved far away and never and ever saw him again.
Oh no. I would have left the first time. He doesnt deserve you!. He should not be comparing you to other girls and the fact that he is should show you that he obviously sees them as more then friends. While he goes out pack your stuff and leave.
Lol I would be so gone.
Yikes…this is NOT going to stop and I guarantee he’s cheated more. You need to walk away
Honey time to take a walk and not look back.
Runnnnn as fast as you can Away from him! He wants to live the single live. Give it to him permanently!! Make a new life for you and your children. Be blessed. You don’t deserve to live in pain!
I would be willing to bet my left arm, that he is a narcissist…if you’re not familiar with this personality disorder, research it & you’re probably going to find a lot of other things about him that match narcissism. I’m not a psychologist, but I have spent MANY hours & years into researching everything I could find on it. I personally know it’s harder to do, than say, but you really should leave…I know people can change, but narcissist don’t…this isn’t love…not even close to it. They are incapable of real love. Even IF he wasn’t a narcissist, NONE of what you described is normal, or okay, for anyone. Don’t let your kids grow up in a house where they are being taught that a man can behave this way towards someone they “love” & that a woman who loves a man will tolerate being treated this way. You don’t deserve any of this…NO ONE does. Love yourself & your kids enough to walk away…love yourself & your kids more than you love him.
Hes cheating on you and he makes it so obvious and you are the one who chooses not to pay attention to it.
Like seriously who makes it their obligation to take a bitch food at 10 pm? No I dont think so. Hes sleeping with her and hes sleeping with co workers and they’re honestly all laughing about it because they know you know what hes doing but you choose to blind yourself of it.
He wants to have his cake and eat it to
Ummm first thing tell your husband The following: let me preface this by saying I am White, I am a white chick from a very well to do family and I am on a relationship with a “white” man ~ and ummmm is white people and our western cultures, do not let our men do whatever they want!!! I think it’s time to divorce him… you are to good for him and that! Plus your son and unborn child seeing this growing up??? Then they will think this is normal and end up following in your footsteps!!!
You need to leave him.
Leave. That shouldn’t even be a question.
Leave. I 100% guarantee he’s having a physical affair.
Your husband is lying to you about Western Culture. We DO NOT let our husbands just “do whatever.” My husband is with me almost every second that he isn’t working. If he isn’t with us it’s because he’s going to get food for US, not some other woman.
He’s also gaslighting you. My first husband did this to me. He told me that I was crazy and jealous, that he wasn’t cheating, and that it was all in my head. It turned out that he had been cheating our entire marriage! Don’t let this loser play head games with you. You can find a real man who is faithful and devoted to you and your children. I did. My second husband is he absolute opposite of my lying ex. Life is sweet now.
He is very manipulative and controlling. Know that you are enough, and he is worthless. Know your inner/outer beauty and strength and let this fool keep his games by himself.
So let me just say as a woman from western culture, this is NOT how we do things here. This is not normal and completely unacceptable. You’re worth more than how he treats you and you deserve to be happy. Get out now.
And be more white??? No girl! White women DO NOT let their man do whatever they want to anymore than a strong African woman as yourself should. This man has held you down too long. All the love for you and your babies
Why are you tolerating any of this…
Pack & up leave. He wants to live his life like hes single, then he can be single.
Can’t have it both ways.
Sounds like a very selfish man. Maybe even insecure & these women boost his ego.
I’d either demand he stops the behavior or I’d walk away. No-one can live their life being made to feel “not good enough”, by their spouse.
I think you deserve better than he can offer and keep to it don’t let him talk you round xx
Leave his ass now. Why would you even have a second child with him after all that shit? Honestly? Seems like you have no respect for yourself and so he has none for you either
It doesn’t sound like your husband wants to be married…I am so sorry you are going through this.
Dude. What. How you stay so long with all these issues? Love yourself enough to walk away. You don’t deserve that.
No he’s still cheating on you